The Underlying Problem Is All Around You
You’re surrounded by enemies.
Society and the internet (and even close friends) have conditioned you to not give up on your Ex.
And why would you? Maybe you have over 20 years of marriage under your belt?
Isn’t that a reason to fight for love?
Don’t all romantic movies tell you that love conquers all, despite the in-your-face-screaming-obvious, “you are simply not meant for each other” truth?
How often in life do we run into real love? And how scary is it to go out there again?
Do a search on the internet about how to get over a breakup, and what you will find are “ways to get your Ex back.” (Maybe you have already fallen prey to sneaky marketers who sell you this idea.)
Ex-Obsessing Reason #2: You Are Conditioned to Not Let Go
You’ve been conditioned to look for an outside source to your happiness.
You’ve been conditioned to NOT let go.
You’ve been conditioned to hold onto the known and fear the unknown.
You’ve been conditioned to look for an outside source to your happiness (important to know).
All of this creates a discrepancy between what you feel in your gut and what everybody is telling you to do.
How You Do the Wrong Thing, Hoping It Helps
“Lots of things can be fixed. Things can be fixed. But many times, relationships between people cannot be fixed, because they should not be fixed. You’re aboard a ship setting sail, and the other person has joined the inland circus, or is boarding a different ship, and you just can’t be with each other anymore. Because you shouldn’t be.” — C. JoyBell C.
All these previously mentioned factors create an emotional gap that you desperately want to fill.
The obsessing is the desperate attempt of your mind to fill a hole that was left by the absence of your Ex.
But like an actual addiction, by obsessing over them and trying to get to the “bottom of things” (when there is no “bottom”), you only get sucked deeper into the quicksand of emotional turmoil.
(Yes, it’s a real addiction — more about this below.)
No matter how hard you try, keeping them alive in your mind won’t EVER give you the satisfaction you seek.
Please read that again, it’s essential.
But I know what you are thinking.
Maybe you don’t agree, since you think everything happens because “I still love them so much.”
Do you really, though?
Is your motivation really love? Or is it maybe something else? For example, the fears I was talking about, a lack of self-esteem, or even egoism?
Nonetheless, the painful and gut-wrenching truth you must accept is this:
Your Ex is NOT the right partner for you.
You are NOT a fit, because they left (or because you had to leave them).
If they can leave you, let them go.
It’s really as simple as that.
(Again, I apologize that I keep stabbing your heart, but there are truths that you have to hear now.)
Please read the following example of someone who wasted so much time, only to learn in the end that it wasn’t meant to be:
Linda, a Case Study:
Linda was in an on-and-off relationship with her Ex for nearly four years. Every breakup was followed by a severe depression, where Linda would try to get him back desperately.
Each time they got back together again, to give it another shot, they would be in a kind of euphoric state, as if they had taken a break from desperation and pain.
But every single time, reality would catch up to them: When the euphoria subsided, they had to face all the problems that were still there. When the feeling that they belonged together wore out again, the day-to-day relationship issues would return.
And after four terrible years and many breakups and reconciliations, they were forced to face an undeniable truth:
They were incompatible all along.
There are even studies conducted on this matter that don’t give reconciliation good chances of success and found that a large percentage of those who get back together break up again within a short amount of time.
A professor of family studies at Kansas State University even states:
“But in real life, as much as it hurts, maybe there are relationships that are better off left as memories.”
Why am I telling you this?
To depress you? To discourage you? To torture you?
No … I am merely trying to save you from wasting years of your life with the wrong partner. I’ve seen it way too many times since I started doing this.
The truth is:
Some love is better off left as a memory.
“But What Is the Solution? How Do I Finally Move On?”
I’m glad you asked. I’m going to tell you a way, a solution to all this, as promised.
In the next part, you will read what the best course of action is for you right now (no matter your circumstances) and WHY the main problem is NOT your Ex … but something else.
Two main factors make your life hell right now, two things you need to resolve quickly.
Your friend and coach,