10 Rules To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

by Eddie Corbano

View Comments

Nearly everyone has experienced a long distance relationship at some point in his life. Most of us have failed to maintain it and have broken up, even though this may have been a promising relationship. Why is that so? What are the common reasons to break up in those long distance relationships and how can you make them work?

To begin with, I was there myself. A good friend of mine gave my e-mail address to his wife’s best friend. Shortly after that she dropped me a line. So we got to know each other. By e-mail.

The great thing about e-mail communication is, there are no games. At least there shouldn’t be. You can present yourself as the person you are. You can truly open up.

So we fell in love just for the persons we were. No masks, no shields. But still 2000 miles apart.

Of course the critical moment was when we first met. Would the picture we had about each other synchronize with the outer picture? If you’ve been dishonest, then you will fail at this point. Luckily it worked out for us.

Long distance relationships can occur for a number of reasons. Here are some of the common scenarios:

You’ve met in a chat room or at an online personal site and realized in the end that you were several states far away from each other.
You recently graduated college and have moved back to your home town and your boyfriend or girlfriend has continued to stay in the college town.
At work you’ve been promoted and sent to a new city for an important program and will be in that location for several months.

Long distance relationships have both, advantages and disadvantages. For some, the distance is a good help to slowly open up to the relationship without the incessant presence of the partner. The romance stays kindled because you aren’t around the person 24/7 seeing various habits and routines that can get repetitive.

In terms of disadvantages, it is very frustrating that there is no intimacy, no hugging, no kissing. At least between the meetings. You will experience difficulties in connecting because you don’t have eye contact and can’t take walks or enjoy dinners out together.

Then again that makes the meetings so much more intense then they would be in a “normal” relationship. It’s the quality, not the quantity.

Long distance relationships can work, but there are some rules and guides you have to follow.

Of course, there is also a very important condition without an long distant relationship can not work:

You must have a true interest in each other. I mean a deep emotional connection, whether you’ve been together before the spacial separation or you’ve met each other through chat/e-mail. I’m afraid a physical attraction is not enough. That’s why most summer vacation affairs fail in the end.

Here are the rules that made my personal long distance relationship work:

continue reading next page »

Pages: 1 2 3

My Recommendation For Further Reading:

The Long-Distance Relationship Survival Guide - Secrets From Successful Couples Who Have Gone The Distance
Long Distance Relationships: The Complete Guide - Proven Strategies For Building And Maintaining A Successful LDR

5 Must-See Related Posts:

About The Author:

Eddie Corbano is a breakup-coach, relationship-advisor and founder of LovesAGame. He suffered from a devastating break up in 1998. Since then, he dedicated his life to helping others getting the best of this existential experience. The overcoming of a break up is an important step to autonomy and independency. Eddie Corbano developed some new coaching programs, which focus on evolving inner strength and the power to set and reach any personal goal. (Article written on March 21st, 2007)
Show all posts by Eddie Corbano

Victoria-Ozarks Crescent Mural

My boyfriend in high school and I stayed friends for 20 years after we broke up. About ten years ago, we had a serious falling out, which was something I never thought would happen. I thought we'd be friends until the day we died.

So after 30 years of knowing each other, he got in touch with me last week and it turns out we feel more like we did in high school - romantically - than we did for all those years of friendship. Although he will always be my oldest and dearest friend.

He's still in our hometown and I'm in my family's homestate, about 1000 miles apart. He has a daughter and she's just gorgeous and he's very devoted to her. I would never expect him to leave. I expect him to stay there.

I don't want to live there full-time. I figure the best way to handle it is to see each other part-time. Maybe that's considered a L-D relationship, but I don't. I think for now it's a L-D relationship because we haven't seen each other yet. But after we set up a plan, if it gets that far, then I'd think seeing each other every four months would be fine and I would consider it a regular relationship.

I can go skiing out where he lives and he can come enjoy all the beauty of where I live. I don't think people have to live together full-time to have a relationship.

And all of the points you made really should be utilized not only by those in L-D relationships, but by people in day-to-day relationships because I think it would increase the health of their relationships significantly.
Alex

I met a girl through Omegle of all websites... turned out she was 14, and I was 19. Obviously, this posed problems. 95% or more of people would probably think that it's disgusting what I'm doing. It's not like that at all. "You're in this for a lay." And I'm really not. She's beautiful, intelligent, and I respect her. We both got out of really bad relationships, and we bonded immediately. We also are both in Michigan, 80 minutes away. Due to her parents and mine's wishes, we can't see eachother until she's at least 16, but most likely 18. It's sort of a Romeo and Juliet thing I guess.

Anyways, I love her with all my heart, regardless of what people say I should do or not do with her. This article should help a lot. We do have to work on trust and all of that, seeing as how we're both extremely jealous, but I hope we can pull through. Two or four years to finally meet eachother is a VERY long time, but I've told her I can wait.

Again, great article.
angel

I have a question I met this guy online I care for him deeply the problem we want to be togethet because of money we cannot be together. He lives on the other side of country and neither of us has money to make these trips but I do not give up on us but something said to do so we do not hurt anymore What should I do I love him so much
Jessicawilkes6222

I recently started talking to the guy who lives 2 hours away but we r both so busy it is hard to see each other.. We text and talk on the phone.. But how do I keep this relationship working??
ISA

I been with this guy for 8mths. Great guy and I love him dearly, his job has offered him a promotion so that means he has to move. He asked me to move with him but I have 1more year of school to graduate (internship). He said he will be waiting for me but for some reason I feel like being away from each other will not work. I'm so afraid of loosing him. I don't know what to do.
Vineeth

same case with me.the best way is to be in touch with each other as much as possible.but do give him the space to breath in his life. just fix some free time and talk over the phone. if you both love is true.then it will really work out..
LILGERMAN1508

HEY
. YOU KNOW IF YOU GUYS COULD DO A MONTHLY MEET OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT..AND TRY WEBCAMMING. THAT CUD WORK
Heatherr

Yeah me and my Boyfriend have been dating over a year now, and i love him a whole lot. Last year he had to leave for college, but everything worked out and we made it! :) All your tips are very true and they help us a lot! He leaves again in august and he has 3 more years, even though no one supports us or thinks that we can make it, me and him know that we will, no doubt about it! :) And they always say the first year is the hardest, but i know it's never going to be easy, im always going to miss him so much! BUT 3 years from now we will be together waking up to one another each and every single day! :D i cant wait! <3
Chillin

I moved away from a 5 yr relationship. I wanted to move into a warmer weather state, he did not. He wasn't sure about our next step even if I had stayed. So I moved away. Now let me add, our relationship then was not perfect, we did have our issues. But we were connected, emotionally and had activities in common. I understood him that most people do not. He had betrayed me in a very hurtful way, that I never believed he would do. And to him, I betrayed him with moving.
Me moving broke both of our hearts, so it was quite hard with not the best of memories. However, we have stayed in contact every since.
Now I have been several states away from him, have not seen him once, even though I travel back to visit other friends and family. Why you ask..well because, I feel that unless we feel we want to consider us actually being together, that he might not be ready to see me yet. Our emails lately have been long and nicely written, with talking about our lifes and current events. I dont think either one of us talk about intimacy thoughts / feelings but I know we both have them. Where it will go, who knows, but I sure do like the ride as I would miss his emails if they ended.
On individual personal lives outside of each other, neither one of us are looking for another to become in a relationship with. We both stay busy, but make emailing to each other part of our days.

Is this considered a long distance relationship, not sure, because I don't want to move back and he doesnt want to move closer to me. So there still is no future plans. But again, we still are connected emotionally and remember our good times together very fondly. We both try hard to forget the bad memories and just focus on what did work between us.

Maybe long distance relationships just need maturity in knowing what you have, what you want, and what you might loose....

Love, true love, is not an easy thing to find. So when one finds it, it doesnt really matter where that person lives.
redheadchick84

if you are no longer in love with with him but love him and as you say have no plans for the future then its evident that you are not together. especially if he has no plans to relocate or at the very least come and visit you. and it does matter where the person lives. think of it this way- if someone lived down the street from you the chance you're likely to see them and have contact is a lot higher if they lived 4 states away. communication and making plans are the only way a long distance relationship can make it. without those key elements you have nothing. i have already posted my own "question" in regards to my own long distance situation. and as evident to the huge argument we've gotten into because he's got so many walls up, after 7+ months and lack of initiative to make plans to actually meet up for the 1st time, I've withdrawl and given up. --You can only be yourself and when someone loves you for just that, you stay with them for as long as you please, sometimes even forever.
mets_fan10

My girlfriend and i are going through a LONG-DISTANCE relationship right now. She is from Norway and i live in Indiana. She was a foreign exchange student that went to my high school and when i saw her for the first time, i knew she was the girl i wanted to spend the rest of my life with :) we were together for 9 1/2 months before she had to go back to Norway :) we had som many great memories while she was here and our love just go stronger and stronger! We are currently 1 month into our LONG-DISTANCE relationship and are going strong! She is coming back to visit me for a week in October and i have just been counting down the days ever since she left!
I do believe that long distance relationships can definately work and it is all about believing that you can do it and trusting eachother all the way through!
I know that she would never do cheat on me and i would never cheat on her and that is why we have been able to gain so mcuh trust for eachother that we are going to make this work! i am going over to Norway for my this year and my plan is to PROPOSE to her! Yes, this is the girl that i want to marry so anyone that reads this, wish me luck!!!
Thank You for the article! it was a great one and reading it helps me to get through the pain of not being able to be with her 24/7 like i was before she left :(
kristina

hey... this makes me feel alot better. i am from massachusetts and currently dating a guy i met while i was in peru living there for 3 months...although we didnt spend 9 1/2 months together, i really felt like we made a connection and we fell in love while i was there... i feel the same way , that he will never cheat on me and i have no doubt...everyone here thinks im crazy for trying to make this work, but i feel as though i have no choice...if i break up with him im going to be heartbroken, so why not try? im really happy for you and your girlfriend...im hoping to see my boy in 6 months when i go back to peru, but it's difficult for him to come to the states..he has to get a visa...hopefully it will work out.

good luck with the proposal! :) i think distance makes everyone stronger..i just hope that i can make it too.
angel

what if everytime you just can't keep in contact like their evil preventing is that meant to happen i like this person it is new i believe he want be with me but idon't know it seems something get in way not purposely
Fillurvoid08

Well, I have read a lot of your posts, guys, and would like a little advice myself...I am not a teenager, nor am I in school. I met my fiancee 8 years ago on the job. We started out as friends, although everyone around us could feel the chemistry. We gradually got closer and closer throughout the years...spending holidays together, with our families and each other. Two years ago, we finally became "official" and moved in together. We have quite literally been through all the big things together...right down to home-buying and adopting a child. I feel the strong friendship we had in the beginning has formed our relationship into the strong , loving and supportive one we have today. We honestly never argue, there is just no need! The situation which brings me here is that he has been given a wonderful opportunity in his career that will take him 5 hours away. This position will require him to be at his new location for about 2 years. And I cannot at this time come with him. We cannot sell our house, nor do we want to. And it would be silly to waste the money getting another place where he is going. The whole point of him taking this job is the money and expirience he will be getting. It will financially secure our future.It's just hard because we DO live together already. Neither of us has ever had a LDR before, except with each other (before we were "together" we lived 1.5 hours apart) I know our relationship is strong, and we trust each other exclusively. These are not our issues. I just hate the thought of him moving out and away! But, I don't want him to lose this opportunity, either. We are getting married in April. We have a plan of the kids and I going up there once a week for a "weekend" and talking everyday, but he just won't be here with us everyday...and it makes me/us so sad! How can we make this easier?
sadiesarah

Wow that sounds really hard. I really recommend using some sort of video chatting (skype/gmail video chat), so you can feel like you are spending time together in the evening. I bet the kids will love it too!

My boyfriend and I are doing a long distance relationship from 3 hours away and we have never lived together. It is really hard we were both crying last night on the phone because we will not see each other for a month. We "hangout" while I am doing grad school work and he is unwinding after a busy work day and watching tv.

I can not imagine doing what you are saying, but clear honest communication and making sure you both put in a lot effort to keep loving, healthy communication flowing. Can you take turns making the weekend trip? That helps it feel more even and fair. Perhaps that will help you feel the comfort and peace of him being at home with you in your house.

Good luck!
redheadchick84

I have dated a lot in my 26 years. And I have done the whole "long distance" thing before. When I met my boyfriend on Facebook, I told him that I hated long distance due the lack of closeness and intimacy, and etc.. I have fallen in love with him but I am experiencing such difficulties in this particular relationship moreso than ones in my past. First off, he lives in Miami, FL- and I live just outside of Phoenix, AZ and let me tell you its so far away. We have wrote letters, emailed photos, talk on the phone frequently but we have yet to meet face-to-face and its been more than 6 months. I am going nuts with anxiety and strained from being lonely. He doesn't understand and thinks it just a sex thing. I am lonely in that arena as well but what is bothering me most is that we have talked about meeting but he wont' set an exact date. Am I a bitch for wanting a date to look forward to? I have invested my time, energy, and love in this man and is it wrong that I want a time so I have something to look forward to outside of work, outside of doing day to day mundane things? He goes full-time to pharmacy tech school and works full-time as a concierge at a high-end condo. I work full-time at a clothing store and in my spare time try to keep busy. I understand and respect his demanding schedule, but its been almost 7 months. I feel as though I'm getting irritable and short-tempered. The loneliness is killing me. Some advice to my situation would be appreciated. Thank you.
Moi

Hi. I just ended a long-term relationship two weeks ago. We were together for over seven. I no longer believe that long-distance relationships can survive the distance. We used to live in the same town, then he moved back to California. It was still manageable with frequent trips back and forth. About a year ago, he relocated again and things have gone steadily downhill. BTW, all moves were related to his career and he really had no choice. I can't move because I have children and would lose custody if I moved out of state. I feel I have made all of the sacrifices and bent over backwards to accommodate our situation. After a visit last month, it was obvious things were very different and we had pretty much lost the spark. Instead of being happy to see each other, it was weird and awkward and since there's really not going to be any chance of our locations changing anytime soon, I decided I want out. He is not very happy with me, but I can't do this anymore. He's a bit of a loner and doesn't mind solitude, but I need someone to connect with in my day-to-day life--in person--not just by phone or email (which is never the same).

As far as your situation, unless you can relocate to Florida, my advice is to forget it. My man was in med school and although he had all kinds of commitments with school and part-time work (when he was in California), he still made time to visit me or plan visits for me to come see him, even if it was only for a few days (each month). Your man sounds busy and I'm sure he is, but if he was really serious about moving forward with you, he would have come to visit already or made plans for you to visit him. If he was in the military, you would have known what you were signing up for, but as far as this goes, my advice is to forget it. He may even be in a relationship already and is only having an emotional relationship with you. If he was serious, he would have made something happen with you. So, although this advice may be hurtful or sadden you, move on. Tell him your plans to move on because the situation sounds one-sided and then don't contact him. If he really wants something to happen, he will arrange a meeting, if not, he won't. There are plenty of guys in Phoenix. Hope this helps.
simple gurl

...i olwes have a long distanc relaionship but still it turns to break up..!now that i've read your rules for this content i realize how it really wroks...!now ive been with my bf olmost 6months...and dis time wer away from a miles just bcoz of my wrk...i just hope for the remaining mnths that lift i can see sme chnges from him..not bcoz who he is but as himself...coz i wnt to save dis realitionship.
confused

iv been with my bf for 2 years now, i met him about 2 and a half years ago
it was great! we started off as just randoms then we were up all night having what we called "girl talks" we kind of became besties and even though i was with someone i couldnt help the way i felt for him, we met up one night and i gave him a hand shake :P hahaha after meeting we eventually got together.
alots changed now though, im kind of tired of being ignored and he's pulling away! i have been a little stressed and a little depressed but he doesnt understand that im in need. . just ignores me. the green eyed monster comes out in me abit these days and im in shame, it just seems his life is so much better when im not around, and i dont know who he is anymore. hurts

he is coming up in a week and we're going to talk about our issues, hope it helps because i dont want to lose him, we've been through way to much
texasgirl

after catching my boyfriend in the act of cheating on me 2 weeks ago, and then having him plead w/ me to take him back, then letting him hurt me once more this weekend, i have finally taken this step of saying good bye. amazingly, i am still hoping to hear from him, some positive that will pull me back in. i found your web site tonight because i was hurting so badly and thank God! after reading the no-contact rule, i found some strength that i haven't felt in 2 weeks. i was giving myself all the reasons i should contact him (apologize for fairly nasty break up comments, tell him again that i love him deeply, etc, etc) and now i feel like at least for today i will not contact him. i pray for strength for tomorrow....thanks so much
meg

Thank you for sharing your experience. You such an optimistic person. Thanks for this enlightenment. =)
CG

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Currently involved in a long distance relationship with an old friend. It is difficult in trying to change the relationship dynamix while several states away - he's military. But, I am hopeful, as we have years of friendship, trust, and yes love. The waiting makes it difficult, but at the same time the time apart makes me appreciate when I talk to him, cherish every email text, and treasure the time when we are together... Sacrifice is important (eg, I am thinking of uprooting my life) - but, I don't see it as a sacrifice, when what you get is a wonderful relationship in the end. I don't even see it as compromise, but as evolving... Being positive, is what keeps me sane, plus I completely trust him with my life...
MasonUKfan

have found the perfect girl for me..... we are always talkin and spending time together but in about 2 weeks im moving an hour away from her how will this relationship last and we might move back after 1 year there
Mp_mikie

Good article!!!! I'm in a situation were the female and myself have both been hurt in previous long distance relationships. We both are from the same home town(maryland), we knew each other growing up, and when I got out of the army we hit it off. But now I'm in arizona going to school for the next year and a half and have major feelings for her and she does the same. We are both young she has a kid, and I got out of a shitty marriage. But the thing is we both don't want to be hurt again, and we don't want to ruin any future chances we have at a relationship by getting exclusive or date and have someone mess up.
Hollie

I found these tips very interesting & I have read a lot of "advice" on making long distance relationships work, they all sound the same. But this, I found very positive & reassuing. I wouldn't say I am in a relationship, completely but the person I am committed to is committed to me. There is quite an age gap & I am still trying to grow into a mature adult, a is he still growing with his career. We met two years ago, at the time we were both in relationships (his way more serious than mine) but we met in a professional setting, not intending to form a relationship out of it. My relationship ended soon after but his ended about 6 months ago due to his ex's constant infidelities. They spent a lot of time apart (because of his career) as well. I'd also like to note neither of us ever had infidelities in our relationships, even with each other. We are both now completely committed to each other but we aren't...exclusive. It's like we both are trying to focus on our own lives but we aren't seeing other people or anything, I don't even completely understand it. When we talk about it, he acts like I am over analyzing it or something. With him living in California, and I in Florida, I need to know that we have a solid future built on more than just love for each other. He has told me that one day I will get a call from him telling me to come to California, but my question is when? And is it wrong for me to go about this strictly on his time? I know he is serious about having me in his life but something in me says that he is controlling the way I live my life a little too much. He has been like a mentor to me and he has taught me essentially, how to be a responsible adult. For that, I thank him. But I want us to be together, officially, exclusively and I have been so patient...Is it worth the effort to stick it out until he is ready for me to come to Californa, if so, how can I get him to follow step one and make plans for our future without being too pushy or scarng him off?
sarah

My boyfriend and I are both going off to college in the fall. Although I love him to death, I thought a long distance relationship was out of the question (we will be 8 hrs away from eachother). But the other night he came to me and told me he wanted to make it work and even started crying. I think we're going to try it, I just don't want it to end badly.
il ragazzo

i was in a long distance relationship, 3 years long one. I love her with everything i have;however, she hates me now. . according to her, she found the one in her hometown. I was in nyc and she in canada. Everything was going to get better this summer (now!!) we'd be together, but since i transfered to another university, the coursework got crazy. i understand i didn't have as much time as i had before. my mood would be a crap because of the lack of sleep and stress from the whole semester. I NEVER stopped loving her I love her. She gave up and fell for another guy who can actually be there. i understand ldr is hard, but I was going to take further steps this summer. We were so close, and now, she forgot me, enjoying her new relationship and i'm sitll suffering here. I thought i found the one. she had everything i liked in a girl. This new guy is lucky. I never cheated on her. Honestly I miss her way too much :'( it's been 2 months now. it seems as she won't be back ever( she told me that too). god...
Rasheema_jcksn

i been in a long distance relationship since september 14,2008. its been a very rough road. we have argued fought & broke up many of times. we started having problems very early on. he cheated(well in my eyes he was cheating) he was talking to lots of girls. he kept telling me that it wasnt nothing but these girls kept insisting that they were together. it was stressing me out very badly. so during the summer of 2009 we broke up for a very long time, but he kept trying to get back with me. i eventually took him back. nothing really didnt change. but i got to a point in my life where it didnt phase me. it just didnt hurt to know that he was doing his own thing while we were together. after that we continued to be on and off. now it hurts because i really want to make it work with him. i love him & he love me but its something about our personalities that just clash. oh and did i mention that he lives in south carolina and im in ohio? carzy rite? i never ask him for anything excepr for him to be honest with me, love me & show me that he truly care. but hey its our thing and it works for us so utill he do something that pushes me away completle then its us until the end of time.
Clia

Hello,

I know this man that broke up with me yo datre another woman. Then wthey broke up 6 years later. This a guy that even whne we aewere broken up came to me to complain about sex. He caused me to loose 10 years my life

Thisis is the guy that went to a concert and the keys with a friend of his. He diodnt tell me about the trip until i couldnt requets the day off. this the guy that wevbe never gione on a vaction together. So his gf and him breakup. He flie sto another state to look for work. He compains to me off and on for years about money and sex, yet he ha sthe moneto fo top sports events and concerts w, her. He has aproblem gettiong up ealy for work.
so he wa broke biyt wanteed to see me we talked i needed a vacation any ways. i paidsed for a rtiocket. when i got out there his brother was helping him out , they go eat and hed pay for them to play in poker tourneues. we went to a movie, he diodnt evem ask his brother for money to take me out. he goy paided he said he would get his cell tirnmed on or roises, Sheez itb should been both. He nts me to take sexy pics while hes out seeing movies, going to dinner.
then when u i yell at him about stuff hge calls it drama.

RRGFGGHHHH. he has cost me a job and money.
GG

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over three years. We are high school sweethearts but I already had to deal with him being over an hour away at college. Well this year it was my turn to apply to colleges and I fell in love with GW in D.C. Unfortunately we live in a suburb of Chicago. I did commit to GW, knowing it was a selfish decision in regards to our relationship but knew it was the right decision. I know it will be the ultimate test of our relationship but if we make it through this I know we can make it through anything. I absolutely loved your tips, but I also know that we won't be able to see each other once a month so I hope that despite that and if we follow the rest o the tips we will be able to make this work.
Melody

I'm 18 and have been with my boyfriend for 13 months our relationship is very strong and it turns out we will be spending the summer in different places. The distance is 3 hours. We are doing this because it's the best way financially before we go to school. We will be apart for nine weeks and I'm afraid that we won't make it. I don't know what to think.
Alice

i feel horrible at the moment, although i'm only 16 i've fallen for this guy completely, we started chatting on msn and facebook, and i just completely fell for him, i just loved what he was saying to me, I went on webcam with him one day and he started saying how gorgeous i was and said 'i really like you, i want you' that started to make me happy and i told him i felt the same way, so we started going out last week and i feel we have a big connection as we're both doing GCSE's at the moment and a lot of our exams we have the same day, he also texts me a lot, like every morning he will say 'morning babe' i haven't felt this way in ages, he makes me feel so happy! I'm just scared i'm going too loose him and i want to meet him in the summer, i'm not sure if it's possible though, and that's what get's to me. This article has made me feel more positive, I still have doubts though. What do you all think of my situation? Please help!
Nya

I've gone through more or less the same thing recently (I'm 17 by the way). I really fell for a guy from France (I'm from The Netherlands), after a while we told each other how we felt. One month after this we decided to meet, luckily my parents were very cooperative and allowed all this and allowed him to stay in my house too, he stayed here for two days. One month later (last weekend) he came again. The problem is that because of his summer work and my exchange to Taiwan we can't see each other till at least September. It's really killing me, because we used to speak to each other for hours and hours everyday, and till September I will only be able to speak to him very few.
Anyway, I think it's possible for you. Make sure that he really is the person he says he is (I hate it when people told me this, but it's true, on the internet you shouldn't trust anyone too easily), talk about it with your parents and friends. Then try to meet him. I think it's really possible for the two of you to meet and be together, but realize it can be very, very hard too. Because after you met him you will only want to see him more and more often.
N.A.

I met my fiance a year ago in 2 days time, close to train station and for a month and a half,we were just friends,getting to know each other and then we started a relationship.We were so happy together and really strong bond was developing between us that he proposed just before our 2 month anniversary.We are both foreigners in one western european country and i am white,while he is of african descent and what made us special is that we managed to get through every obstacle that our families and other people put us through as they were not acceptable of our love.Just when they were coming around and we planned to get married on our 1st anniversary,his documents expired and he was deported,which automatically forced us to be in long distance relationship.It was such a shock at the beggining and we both suffered a lot,but for the sake of our big love and all the things we have been through since the start,we knew it would be pitty if we gave up.It is very hard being used to ldr after being together all the time,but we know we can never give up.In a weeks time,I am going over to him for one whole month and i will be visiting him every 2 months or so.As in every ldr,we were both scared of loosing each other,but we realised that keeping cool heads will make it work.Both of our immigration status's should be sorted out properly by the beginning of 2012.That is when we will move to third country finally and live peacefully.I know we are very strong to ever break apart.It is hard,but it's mutual understanding,love,faithfullness and respect that keeps us going with God's help.
Melody

I hope you guys make it!
Kyara

I'm really scared if it doesn't work! i don't wanna loose him i really love this guy and he really loves me, soo i hope this works!
Alice

that's exactly the situation i'm in
jojo

i proposed to a girlfriend but she is saying even though she likes but she is already in love with someone else. do i have stand some chances of getting her in future?
Kiki-Anni!!;)

I'm just scared if it doesn't work. I mean I love this dude ;D and I don't wanna lose him!<3 HeHe Yeah and I'm in 7th Grade
Andrea

I'm currently in a long distance relationship. My situation was alot different because we started out like everyone else, and had lots to talk about. When he finally came home, things changed and our relationship was on the rocks. Yes, I'm sure there were other women that he chatted with while overseas. He finally got his act together and realized that I was worth keeping and he decided to ask me to marry him over valentines weekend. It brought so many tears to my eyes, because he was the guy that all girls wanted in high school, or dreamed of marrying some day. He now has been called back overseas, and I'm again a lil scared because although I have what I want, I'm afraid that he still has the opportunity to do whatever he wants. I keep faith that our relationship grows stronger, and I keep positive thoughts about our life in my mind. I feel that anyone can over come the distance, and if that person is the one for you, it will show and the outcome will be wonderful...for most. Just keep faith and hope for a future and it will work out.......
holly

One of my favorite quptes of all times is "tears are the words the heart cant express" it shows that you should never be afraid to cry. People say its a weekness but really its a strength.
Luz

i met this guy over the internet about two years ago over a website (myspace) everything was goin go so far , but at the beginning me and him didnt take it seriouslu we both were like this is just a w/e thing. but as time past and we started talkin on the phone we slowy started liking each other. i dont know but i just felt like he was the one for me. then 6 months past a year everything was good,but not that perfect. He most of the time made me cry alot by the things he said. he also blamed me for cheating on him WHILE i wasnt even cheating on him, it hurt me for him to think that.. and at the end we made up and i guess i loved him i could stay mad at him for a long time. so then one day me and my friends made a plan to go to the zoo and i told him that we were going and that its best if we meet there because he lived closer to the zoo. i was nervous but excited to see him FOR THE FIRSt time! when i saw him i just felt the connection we had and he told me that he loved me and we kissed and hugged i just felt like WOW! he is the guy i been looking for .then we left and i cried cuz i didnt wana let go off him. && :) he was crying to i thought that was sweet...we had a great time!. But sadly .. two months that past wen we me and almost our two years together... he started changing like i felt like we lost connection and problems started happening he blamed me for cheating on him and trying to act like a victim while i didnt do anything. so i did my snooping and i found out that he was cheating on me for a month with some other girl.. it was hard to take .. i was sooo attached to him that he won me over again and i forgive him and took him back, i love him to death but i had to brake up with him because nothing was the same anymore. i still think about him and it been two months that had happen && now i got a new boyfriend that lives near me. i need help? like i dont know what to do.. like even though that happen a while ago i still thinkk about him and care and love him.. but i dont wan it to effect the relationship that im in now.. the guy is really nice, caring and he shows me that he does want to be with me. i dont know what to do to not let that feeling effect my new relationship any advice would be helpful?
redheadchick84

you should absolutely never stay with someone who abuses you. you think you deserve to be treated like shit because you dont realize the self value you possess. you think by bending and allowing him to boss you around you think he'll like you more. you are wrong. you must first love yourself, and work on you. go talk to a therapist, talk about your problems and help you see that you are making unhealthy choices with the people you are allowing into your life. you can't allow yourself to settle for that sort of shit. someone raising their voice to you, yelling at you, blaming you for things that are not your fault- its unacceptable. be demanding and regain your power. you are a powerful person you just have to believe in yourself. you constantly taking back a cheater means you think its totally awesome that he cheats on you. a cheater will never stop, ever. you can't change him and you never will. why are you settling for trash when you could have treasure? there are over 6 billion people in this world, trust me when i say you can and should find someone more worthy of your time, energy, body, and love. he's not it. and you need to come to terms with that. hopefully by this time, (seeing as how this was written several months ago..) you've realized these things and moved on with your life. never settle. the sorts of things you should accomodate for and overlook is if he snores when he sleeps, or has a goofy pet name for you- not if he screams at you, mistreats you, and mentally abuses you. you know you deserve better, don't ever allow yourself to put blinders on so you can't see whats really going on in your life. do better, find worthy love and then celebrate it.
Lea

I'm at the end of my LDR. I'll be moving in with my fiancé at the end of June. While I didn't read these tips at the beginning of our relationship (we met on an internet dating site), we most certainly used all of them. We visited once a month and I lived with him over summers (I'm at university). An LDR can work and these tips do work :) If we didn't do most of what we did (be completely open, set a goal, set a schedule, etc) the relationship would have probably failed. But we made it with flying colors.

I really recommend these tips!
roo

these are good tips :)
i was with my boyfriend for only 2 weeks before he had to leave the country. it's been hard, but we are still together after 3 months. i trust him, and i know that he wants to be with me. the hardest thing is not knowing when he's coming back. but he said it won't be longer than six months. at the start we just kept in touch over facebook, but now we call and text each other at least once every three days or so. i went through a stage when i was unsure if i could trust him, or if he really wanted it to work, but since i can't change anything or know anything for sure until he comes back, i decided to just let go, and when i did it felt so much better than worrying. so, i cherish the communication i have with him, even if its only a 5 minute phone call (its very expensive to call), because i know that he wants to be with me, and is coming back to me. i've had my doubts, but i really think we can make it work. and every day he is out there is another day closer to him coming back :) some of you might think im crazy for entering into a LDR after only being with him for 2 weeks, but we have something special. actually, i got to know him much more over the internet when he went than i did for the two weeks i was with him, so in a way this time apart is good for us. i think LDRs can work extremely well, in the right circumstances. i am just so happy that he is coming back to me, one day.
sammaughan

I met this girl from the opposite of Australia to me for about 2 years, we had only talked over the internet and on the phone. A month ago she flew over to meet me and stayed with me for 10 days, I believe our feelings grew so strong whilst talking over the internet. Then once she came here, it was the quickest I'd ever fallen inlove.. She honeslty had me at 'hello'. I am now looking for a full time job just to get the money and to go see her as soon as possible. She has decided she loves it here in Western Australia and she wants us to work out, so she is moving here to be with me Febuary next year. It's still about 8 months away, but we both have put our heart and soul into this relationship to make it work.
shahna

u so lucky man...
yachtie_girl

me and my bf are in a LDR, he is a sailor and competes around the world so when he is not racing or offshore, i can talk to him but another factor to make it harder is the time difference, its 7hrs. I am an expat in Asia and he is Europe at the moment. Its hard it sucks, I will probably see him for 2 weeks in the next 5mths but we just keep on keeping on because he is worth it
shahna

oh! i so much feel for u hey, "go tlaa siama" this simply means it will be alryt.
Kraig

Great article Eddie. I'm actually moving away from my college town because im graduating and the girl im talking to is a junior and staying in town so we obviously have had our long distance relationship discussion and were going to try and make it work.

blog comments powered by Disqus

Blog Sponsors

How To Use The Power Of Now
28 July, 2010, 3:56 pm

No-Contact Help: How To Fight The Urge To Contact Your Ex
16 May, 2010, 7:46 pm

LovesAGame With A New Comments System
30 April, 2010, 9:04 am

Six Signs Of Male Body Language Flirting
9 April, 2010, 2:01 pm

Success Story: Contact vs. No-Contact
17 March, 2010, 4:00 pm

My 7 Life Rules – What I’ve Learned In 42 Years
22 February, 2010, 1:09 pm

12 Uplifting Quotes About Moving On After A Break Up
2 February, 2010, 5:21 pm

How I Found The Definition Of True Love
18 January, 2010, 9:13 pm

How To Survive The Holidays Alone
21 December, 2009, 7:00 pm

Success Story: How Closure Made Me Stronger
2 November, 2009, 8:17 pm

10 Tips On How To Seduce A Man
April 14, 2007, 95 Comments

10 Positive Break Up Quotes And What We Can Learn From Them
March 3, 2008, 223 Comments

10 Rules To Make Long Distance Relationships Work
March 21, 2007, 368 Comments

How To Break Up With Somebody In 7 Steps
September 10, 2007, 174 Comments

The Secret How To Get Over A Break Up
July 31, 2007, 1108 Comments

10 Questions To Ask Your Boyfriend (If You Want Him To Run)
January 28, 2008, 27 Comments

10 Most Inspiring Romantic Quotes Ever
September 29, 2007, 27 Comments

The Most Beautiful Love Poem In The World
June 7, 2007, 70 Comments

10 Best Break Up Songs For Killing Your Blues
June 16, 2008, 79 Comments

How To Break Up With Your Girlfriend… NOT
March 10, 2008, 7 Comments

The Vicious Cycle Of Your Memories
April 10th, 2008

Do You Have The Mental Strength Of A Masai Warrior?
September 14th, 2007

The Secret Of The Butterfly
July 21st, 2007

The 2 Best Pick Up Lines Ever
July 26th, 2007

How To Easily Apply The Secret Of Law Of Attraction
July 3rd, 2007

The Secret How To Get Over A Break Up
July 31st, 2007

7 Reasons Why Your Break-Up is Killing You
November 28th, 2007

What Pain Has Taught Me The Hard Way
April 1st, 2008

The Saddest Thing In The World
October 29th, 2007

Anatomy Of A Broken Heart
January 30th, 2007

Recommendations

Support This Blog

If this blog has helped you, please support us by donating an arbitrary amount. Thanks in advance. Please click here:

Categories

Newsletters
- Ultrafast Breakup Recovery Newsletter

Recent Comments:
- My boyfriend just broke up with me after he found out thet he and 20 other ppl were awarded 30+ million in a civil law suit. I was the onw who helped him...
  venessa | July 29, 2010 | more»
- Yes thank you Eddie, I'm having issues handling alot of things that has happened over this past month and this article really perked me up.The sad thing is, is...
  Luke | July 29, 2010 | more»
- It is hard and everthing you described is exactly how I feel. Those moments alone where your mind races with random scenarios, thoughts of him with...
  Eleanor23 | July 29, 2010 | more»
- I know how you feel. Although my ex really hurt me, and I was the one that broke it off hoping he'd shape up it's depressing when you realize that hes...
  Eleanor23 | July 29, 2010 | more»
- Dear Eddie,It has been almost 30 days since I have not contacted my ex…he has contacted here and there about random things…his last text said...
  Jodi | July 29, 2010 | more»