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10 Rules To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

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long distance relationshipsNearly everyone has experienced a long distance relationship at some point in his life. Most of us have failed to maintain it and have broken up, even though this may have been a promising relationship. Why is that so? What are the common reasons to break up in those long distance relationships and how can you make them work?

To begin with, I was there myself. A good friend of mine gave my e-mail address to his wife’s best friend. Shortly after that she dropped me a line. So we got to know each other. By e-mail.

The great thing about e-mail communication is, there are no games. At least there shouldn’t be. You can present yourself as the person you are. You can truly open up.

So we fell in love just for the persons we were. No masks, no shields. But still 2000 miles apart.

Of course the critical moment was when we first met. Would the picture we had about each other synchronize with the outer picture? If you’ve been dishonest, then you will fail at this point. Luckily it worked out for us.

Long distance relationships can occur for a number of reasons. Here are some of the common scenarios:

  • You’ve met in a chat room or at an online personal site and realized in the end that you were several states far away from each other.
  • You recently graduated college and have moved back to your home town and your boyfriend or girlfriend has continued to stay in the college town.
  • At work you’ve been promoted and sent to a new city for an important program and will be in that location for several months.

Long distance relationships have both, advantages and disadvantages. For some, the distance is a good help to slowly open up to the relationship without the incessant presence of the partner. The romance stays kindled because you aren’t around the person 24/7 seeing various habits and routines that can get repetitive.

In terms of disadvantages, it is very frustrating that there is no intimacy, no hugging, no kissing. At least between the meetings. You will experience difficulties in connecting because you don’t have eye contact and can’t take walks or enjoy dinners out together.

Then again that makes the meetings so much more intense then they would be in a “normal” relationship. It’s the quality, not the quantity.

Long distance relationships can work, but there are some rules and guides you have to follow.

Of course, there is also a very important condition without an long distant relationship can not work:

You must have a true interest in each other. I mean a deep emotional connection, whether you’ve been together before the spacial separation or you’ve met each other through chat/e-mail. I’m afraid a physical attraction is not enough. That’s why most summer vacation affairs fail in the end.

Here are the rules that made my personal long distance relationship work:

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About The Author:

is a breakup-coach, relationship-advisor and founder of LovesAGame. He suffered from a devastating break up in 1998. Since then, he dedicated his life to helping others getting the best of this existential experience. The overcoming of a break up is an important step to autonomy and independency. Eddie Corbano developed some new coaching programs, which focus on evolving inner strength and the power to set and reach any personal goal. (Article written on March 21st, 2007)
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Category: Long Distance Relationships
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  • Spikey360

    Thank you Mr. Corbano, the article was very helpful.

  • B7urnett_

    girlfriend i understand how u feel but to meet a guy on the internet and hook up like that its a risk u taking since u dont know anything about him really just want he tells u .if u have afeeling he is cheating maybe he is

  • BabiiDee

    Hey sorry for the late reply i havent been on here in ages ….
    well they say the first year is hard and trust me it is ur going to experience so much different emotions it will be easier for u as u guys will have now and then visual tangible contact so it will help keep the relationship together but u must also balance the times u dont see each other by giving the same imput as u would seeing each other in real. falling in love is not planned it just happens and it catches u by suprise but as u know  it is an amazing feeling my advice for both of u is to never give up overcome  the doubts and always think positive wish u guys the best of luck stay strong and never let the feeling go :)

  • BabiiDee

    i havent been on this since early last year  and  ive recently been reading different peoples storys and their experiences of a long distance relationship and its amazing  how all of our storys connect with true love its shows how our relationships are the strongest from normal ones and how as individuals we hold on tight to our relationships. long distance relationships are not the easiest but it shows when u trully love someone u would do what ever it takes to be with them.

    from since last year since i last wrote in here we are still together <3  so thats 2  years  now and counting :) i went from a 14 year old to a 16 still mainting a long relationship especailly long distance as such a premature age and tht just shows love had no limits.

    i have  given advice to many people both here and in real life, i have felt everything there is to feel in a ldr and  i am happy to advice anyone on their relationships from my experience.

    there are so many interssting storys on here that shows long distances  relationship do last and eventually u marry that person.

    its the distance alone that brings the couples closer  as they learn more about eachother and trully learn to know the person inside and out  and the more the learn the deeper they fall.

    long distance relationships are not the easiest but are the strongest and i wish everyone good luck in theirs. <3

  • IlluminatedbyHim

    This is wonderful!  Very foundational advice here.  So many people suggest how to have phone sex or something stupidly superficial like that.  I appreciate your advocating romance in your article.

    • http://lovesagame.com Eddie Corbano

      Thank you for the nice words :) .

  • Crystal

    Thank you soo much for this article..i became very muh more confident reading this because my parents say that my relationship will not work because next year im moving to texas and hell stay in new york….but were already two hours apart! 9 months already…..8 months we havent seen eachother..ad we love echother like never before….i just want to say thank you very much for this……….i know….we can make it :)

  • Guest456

    Wow..this is so similar to my story…and after reading yours and your outlook on it, it has been inspiring. Its the same with me and this guy, I know I have very strong feelings for him and he said he likes me too but Idk how strong his feelings are for me…

  • Randolphfoster

    I, R. Foster, from Trinidad in the Caribbean, aged 62 have a long-distance relationship with a 47 year old highly religious female who met me while I was working at the U.S.C. in Trinidad, as a Security Officer. She, with two (2) degrees was doing Coleportering — selling religious books. She offered me one, and I promised to pay her in three (3) days time, and that was the start of a very deep relationship that lasted four (4) months before she left for her homeland in Guyana, because she was getting serious difficulties procuring a job with a religious link, and no other kind in more prosperous Trinidad. We only had about 8 to 10 meetings in Trinidad at her place (brother’s residence) where while studying the Bible and going to her Church  –  A Seventh Day Adventist in Maracas, St. Joseph we expressed our great love for one another.  She matter-of-factly asked if I would consider marriage, and at the outset I said, I wasn’t the marrying type as I lived’ with four (4) different women and the relationships ended. I said I had two (2) grown children aged 35 and 34 at the time. She didn’t mind.  But for the 9 months she is back in her country, my, nor her love has not diminished — in fact it has gotten stronger I feel.  But there is a humongous problem.  Because of her strict upbringing, she dosen’t trust no one and has a great fear of any marriage breaking up before death. She dosen’t want to hear such, otherwise no marriage.  That’s why at 47 she is still unmarried and claims to be a virgin still never having penetrative sex.  But, I do love her as I never loved another woman in my life. And would wait until whenever.  Of great significance is, she has never once gotten vexed with me in front my face and in our E-mail and Skype sessions.  She is my Queen

  • Abanadoraileen

    Thank you so much for this wonderful & positive advice for us who are in a LDR. I am much more confident & really i love him so much:)  Talking & texting over the phone every day is really helpful. Loving each other more everyday,trust, being faithful, time for each other,sweet moment thru phone,reminiscing our 1st times as a sweetheart & PLANNING for our future is our main foundation in our LDR.  Hoping our LDR will long last forever & god will be the center of our love:)

  • http://lovesagame.com Eddie Corbano

    Hi Amari,

    Thanks for the “essay” :) , I love your positivity and optimism. One can only profit from such an attitude.

    Thank you for contributing.

    Eddie

    • Amari

      Thank you Eddie! Your article really did reaffirm my positivity and helped cement that I was doing the best I can. Thank you for such a good read!

  • Brooke Angelle

    i def needed to read this post. i am feeling the exact same way as you. thanks for posting your comment. this makes me feel so much better. i hope i can do what u r doing and be positive and have faith in him

  • Ejr James

    DAMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNN i hella feel u im a boy but i got a girl in atlanta and she hella far away she like 21 hrs away but omgosh i feel u its hard i have the same connection omgosh ( crying ) 

  • 4244 & 2447

    Thank you for a very helpful article. My girlfriend recently moved out of state, although I support and understand her decision 100%, I found it very difficult to be the man she loves and help her pack up, load, and watch them drive away. Not only did I help my best friend to leave but her daughter (who feels like my daughter),  and her mother, who is also like a mother to me. So bitter-sweet!! After reading numerous articles I know we are on the right track because neither one of us is done with the other. Almost everyone around us has been negative about our relationship lasting. Its funny how a few texted lines or a 2 minute actual talking phone call from her can raise my spirits so high. Once again thank you so much for the words that build my faith and hope that we can continue with and make our relationship last.

  • fatty

    I joined my first job at Goa last year where i used to stay in co accomodation and met him first there. We were just friends at first but den don know when i fell in love with him. When I told him about it, he denied the proposal. We were beyound friendship though but still stayed as friends. Later when I could not pretend and couldnot resist my feelings for him, I decided to leave job and come back home. During those last days, he showed ultimate care and love to me and also expressed that he loved me. Now I recently resigned and have moved to my hometown. I am perplexed if he really loves me and if I should consider it for a long distance relationship or should i just cut off all contacts with him and move on in my life.

  • Ashishmechfire09

    hey…don’t worry…you know distances doesn’t matters…you have to be very strong at every point of your life…or else you never know when you lose precious one’s…i live in india and my gf lives in south africa..i know how it feels but then compromises are part of life and if you really feel for a person you would never ever deceive him and leave him alone…consider it..:)

  • Chinni_govinda

    Awesome post….thanxxx dude…

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/HIQZNLM5DM237DC3FELZEYA6FE L-Boogie

    Wow!. I loved your advice and explanation of your thoughts on LDRs. My boyfriend of almost 3 years recently relocated to NC and I am in LA. Everything you said makes me feel really good, because when he decided to take this job, people who were suppose to be my friends were making comments like ‘as soon as he is gone – blah blah blah’. Sometimes I want to ask the why, when, where, what are you doing – type questions, but after reading your comments, I am going to take the advice on simply acting real cool about whatever and TOTATLLY trusting him and stop worrying. He was trustworthy and good to me while he was with me here every day, so if he decides to do something differently in NC, time will tell and I will chalk it up to life experience and keep living! I am learning that I have no control over anyone, except myself. Thanks for the post…it was well taken by me.

  • Cenobia Zenobia

    How far does he live from you?  If it’s on the other side of the country, that might be a problem.  But if he lives much closer, he can drive and make a weekend out of meeting you.   God Bless and Good Luck.

  • secret

    owesome!!!! mr. eddie corbano i learned much from you…tnx to all advice to all who in long distance relationship..and your really really right ..about the word TRUST…keep up the good work…more power….GOD BLESS..

  • secret

    trust, faith……i need this :)

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