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10 Rules To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

long distance relationshipsNearly everyone has been involved in a long distance relationship at some point in their life.

Most of us have failed to maintain it, and have inevitably broken up, even though it may have been a promising relationship.

Why is that so? What are the common reasons for breaking up in those relationships, and how can you make them work?

To begin with, I was there myself.

A good friend of mine gave my e-mail address to his wife’s best friend. Shortly after that, she dropped me a line. So we got to know each other. By e-mail.

The great thing about e-mail communication is that there are no games. At least there shouldn’t be. You can present yourself as the person you are.

You can truly open up.

So we fell in love just for the people we were. No masks, no shields. But still 2000 miles apart.

Of course, the critical moment was when we first met. Would the picture we had of each other synchronize with the outer picture? If you’ve been dishonest, then you will fail at this point.

Luckily, it worked out for us.

Long distance relationships can result from a number of reasons. Here are some of the common scenarios:

  • You’ve met in a chat room or an online personal site, and realized in the end that you were several states away from each other.
  • You recently graduated college and have moved back to your home town, while your boyfriend or girlfriend has stayed in the college town.
  • At work you’ve been promoted and sent to a new city for an important program, and will be in that location for several months.

Those kind of relationships have both advantages and disadvantages.

For some, the distance is a good way to slowly open up to the relationship without the incessant presence of the partner. The romance stays kindled because you aren’t around the person 24/7, having to see various habits and routines that can get repetitive.

In terms of disadvantages, it is very frustrating that there is no intimacy, no hugging, no kissing – at least between the meetings. You will experience difficulties in connecting because you don’t have eye contact, and can’t take walks or enjoy dinners out together.

Then again, that makes the meetings so much more intense than they would be in a “normal” relationship. It’s the quality, not the quantity.

It can work, but there are some rules and guides you have to follow.

Of course, there is also a very important condition that without, any long term relationship will not work:

You must have a true interest in each other.

I mean a deep, emotional connection, whether you’ve been together before the spacial separation or you’ve just met each other through chat or e-mail.

I’m afraid a physical attraction is not enough. That’s why most summer vacation affairs fail in the end.

Here are the rules that made my personal long distance relationship work:

541 Responses to 10 Rules To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

  1. Jessica Valencia September 12, 2014 at 5:40 am #

    “Absence makes the heart grow fonder “

  2. Dashia September 25, 2014 at 2:22 am #

    What if you are in the military and monthly meetings are not possible due to deployments etc

    • Rockylaryea November 24, 2014 at 9:32 am #

      Dude am also in the same thing,my partner is over 1000km away due to duty detachment.we chat everyday all the time,unless she’s busy or am busy with work.even though it’s difficult sometimes I try to stay positive and thing of how to make things better.

  3. Maria Cucchiara November 6, 2014 at 8:10 am #

    Hello, I am 47 and man I am dating is 68 year old widower. We have been dating a year. His wife has been gone 1 1/2 years. We live 2 hrs away from one another. I have been doing the majority of driving this year. Past month, I am getting tired of drive etc. I brought up to him and he said he just cant do the drive. I was hurt and disappointed. Need some navigation with this latest update. Thank you! MARIA

  4. Jen December 21, 2014 at 10:22 pm #

    If a guy waits on u for 5 months is it a good relationship. I’ve never seen him, I met him over xbox live, and he waited, but I tried to move on but I couldn’t . I have feelings for him, but my closest friend think it’s a terrible idea to date him. They say the protect me from my boyfriend. I don’t know what to think. Please tell me, do u think he loves me as much as I love him?

    • Jen December 21, 2014 at 10:23 pm #

      And I live in Texas , but he lives in Florida …

      • cris January 8, 2015 at 4:13 am #

        he might love u or hes just lonely, try to call him or Skype if your both old enough buy it or buy two and ship one to him make it work ive been through the same thing and i still am and we are going to make it work ,but im just 14. take it or leave it the advice is up to u to take

    • jeremiah July 17, 2015 at 9:35 am #

      I met my girlfriend on Xbox and we have a lot of issues and problems with our relationship but we both love each other and i have never been happier no matter how our relationship works out she will always have a home in my ❤

  5. John December 24, 2014 at 2:00 am #

    We met in an online game. As weird as it may sound, yes we met in a game. We have known each other for almost 1 month now. We have never seen each other but we feel our love. Do you think our relationship will last. I really need help and advices.

    • Hollie January 11, 2015 at 9:06 pm #

      I know what you mean. I have been in a long distance relationship with someone I have yet to meet. I knew within the first month of knowing him that I loved him. It has been 5 months now and our connection is stronger than ever. It’s a very difficult thing to get through, but as long as you truly love each other there is always the possibility of it working out.

    • Sequin February 25, 2015 at 6:53 pm #

      My boyfriend and I met on an online game via our phones last July.

      We fell for each other almost immediately and we would FaceTime every day. When we finally made the bold step to meet each other in person it was incredible.

      From there, we would FaceTime constantly, take it in turns to visit each other once every 2 weeks (we lived 2 and a half hrs away).

      2 weeks ago we moved in together and it has been the most amazing thing. He is my best friend and love of my life.

  6. karen gwinisa January 21, 2015 at 8:39 am #

    i think u shld just follow ur heart

  7. Kelly C February 8, 2015 at 4:28 am #

    I think I have you all beat. I live in North Carolina and my boyfriend of 2 years in march lives in India. We met while working on a cruise ship together. I don’t do the ship thing anymore, but he does and he’s thinking for one more year. Which is fine. But when he goes back home (to India)… Then what? He wants me to move there. But that’s like a culture shock, a huge deal, and I honestly don’t know if I could mentally or physically do that. Our love is so strong and I swear I would do anything to make it work. He’s the one. The one for me. But moving to India is big. And he doesn’t want to come to the states. I don’t really know what to do or what’s going to happen with our relationship. But all I know is that I love him more than anything in this world. Anyone who has any good advice, suggestions, or thoughts, please don’t hesitate to send me an email at
    Thank you!

    • george February 11, 2015 at 10:35 am #

      compromising is essential’s my story.
      i’m from beirut-lebanon .last year i went to moscow for my friend’s wedding .
      i got introduced to the bride maid of course, as i was the best man.
      and so on we liked each other.then i had to come back.
      but with time and over chatting and tech-communication, love found us.
      the distance issue 2500km was we agreed for visits once in a while she comes , i go
      but till when? she unconsciously is willing to follow me everywhere. but i told her that i would do the same before.the thing is the employment thing…culture u can adapt , a new culture is something amazing believe me.what i’m facing here is what she’s a bit afraid of.she’s not that good in English, but i think she is.and i started learn russian,))remember movie “love actually”

    • Gayle March 17, 2015 at 6:36 am #

      Hi Kelly,

      I know what you mean. In fact I am also in a long distance relationship. It’s hard and I don’t know what to do sometimes. Then I decided to share what I learn from our distance relationship on my blog Feel free to visit me there and share your thoughts.

  8. Maria February 19, 2015 at 3:32 am #

    Well he left for two years for a mission and I only get an email from him once a week and really it’s all I need and I look forward to the day he emails me back and when I get an email from him my heart just skips a beat and makes my whole week honestly. I think a long distance relationship can work simply on how much interest you have towards one another and the will to keep up with them and opening up and just try to talk about everything.

  9. jessie March 5, 2015 at 12:45 am #

    What if she is In the UK and I am in Los Angeles. Its been a year we have yet to meet . We have a planned to meet in July. Some days are harder than others. At times my messages get lost in translation as hers do as well. The time difference is hard . I don’t share with people because the I receive negative feedback.

    Any advice?

    • PersonThatNeedsHelpPlease April 13, 2015 at 5:16 am #

      not really i feel your pain though…my situation is much like yours except mine is broken…I’m sorry i wish i could help..just keep on talking to her no matter what; video chat with her as much as possible

    • Ann July 28, 2015 at 12:44 am #

      I am much in the same boat as you. My boyfriend is in Los Angeles and I am in Cebu,Philippones. We met each other on that one fateful day. I was bored at work and he was..well..feeling lonely. We are of the same age. I am not a chatter but that day i came across this online chat site and with all the chat requests i was getting i replied to a few but simply lacked interest. So i kept exiting the chat windows when I cam acrosss his. I read his message trying to introduce himself, instantly it caught my attention so I replied to him. When I replied he was about to leave for a meeting..he left me his email address and asked if I could email him. So I did and I sent him a picture of myself and he did too..I wasnt really looking when we met and he wasnt either but we were attracted to each other and started talking more and fell for each other. But with over 7000miles apart…its hard to even get my own bestfriend to believe that he could actually be someone real or worth the risk.. i get negative comments from her because she said she herself is a cheat and men are by nature a bigger cheat. Now I am torn..i am still yet to meet him and he cant leave that easy because of his business and my bestfriend is very cynic about everything which is taking a toll on me and making me cynic about him and what he does in LA with me over 7000miles away..we stay in touch everyday talk everynight…i would wake up on late nights to meeet his daytimme and he would stay up late to meet my afternoon. I do know i love him and i want to trust that he means when he says he loves me. so far he has been really honest with me and did not lie on anything that he could actually lie about if he wants to. over time ive just learned to have faith in him and realized that the things that worries me have much same effect on him but he chose to trust. my bestfrnd doesnt trust him until he comes visit because for her with someone who is as young and good looking as he is its unlikely he settles for online romance. so sometimes i just ignore what i hear from her and count on the man im dating because im the one talking tk him everyday so i should know better. I do hope this works out really good.

  10. June March 10, 2015 at 9:36 am #

    Me and my gamer boyfriend also meet in an online game…we have a 12hrs difference…well at first it was just for fun to teas our friends but then when we started chatting, we felt this sort of connection…we would constantly videocall and chat on our first 2 weeks…(we’re already on our 1st month btw)…but lately our communication lessened ever since he got this new game…i know i should support him and let him do what he loves…but now i feel so left out and sadness is getting the most out of me…i greeted him on our 1st month and even made a song for him as a surprise….but i didn’t get any response asides that he doesn’t know how to rhythm his words…his drifting farther away…i want to tell him about it but im afraid that he would think im being annoying and i dont want to get in his way…what should i do to keep our relationship working?

    • cookie March 11, 2015 at 8:19 am #

      I know you probably already dealed with this but… honestly telling your thoughts to chur loved one will help alot with the relationship.

  11. PersonThatNeedsHelpPlease April 13, 2015 at 5:13 am #

    Hello people, I’m here to tell my story and hopefully somebody will help. Let me start off by saying I love somebody in the UK and I live in the US. Ok now that I have your attention, if I do, I need help. So about 2 years ago I met this guy. Didn’t really think that much about him, right? Until about a year ago I started talking and talking to him. Eventually I told him about how I felt and he had felt the same…so we dated over the summer. Everything was going fine; we kept in touch a lot, etc, until school started. Since he lives in the UK we are 7 hours apart so when I got out of school it would be like 11 for him; it left barely anytime to talk. That did complicate things however that’s not what ended us. For a week he ignored me during September I think and I kept on spamming him, “Hey, are you OK where are you?” and other things like that. No reply. That is until he finally messaged me saying, “You mean the world to me but we have to break up. I can’t stand not being able to hug you, or even go out somewhere, and I just can’t do this anymore but I still love you.” I was in disbelief and didn’t want to believe what I had just read. Fast forward to November, oh and during October he had gotten a new girlfriend already -(During this time i was trying to get him back spamming him vent messages), my parents found out I was texting a “stranger” and they found out I had been depressed etc. They screamed at me saying I’ll never talk to this person again and now they don’t trust me. I had my phone taken away, they looked at everything. They think I was being catfished etc but I KNOW he’s real; I’ve skyped/facetimed and there are too many signs pointing to him being real. (as in not a weird 60 year old) So I was forced to ignore him for months, and my parents in that time “convinced me” he was terrible. About 3 or 4 months ago I found out a way to contact him to tell him some things and to get closure. However I ended up falling in love again. His gf broke up with him a few weeks ago, and I asked him if he loved me. His reply still being yes I do but we can’t be together. Now all I do is vent to him because I’m trying to get him back, but he barely replies to anything and i think he’s getting annoyed. Sometimes I want to bring it up, but after I say sorry and he just ignores anything I’ve said about us. Ive gone on multiple dates trying to forget him but I still love him. He says he hates long distance and it just doesn’t work for him. Any ideas? I need to stop spamming him (venting) but i want him to know how i feel and he just asked another girl out and i asked him yet again if he had feelings for me and this time he said: “I honestly don’t know and its better that way. Lives to short so live a happy one.” But the thing is I want HIM. My parents are against this and have blocked the app store on my phone as well as safari. I have no idea what to do…help me please..

    • Louis August 16, 2015 at 1:07 pm #

      I’m going on 5 months with my girl, we’ve been separated for 4, and it honesty has been the hardest 4 months of my life. I get why he would want to break up and give up, I told my girl I wanted to do that so much, but if someone really loves you, they’ll take themselves and their feelings out of the mix and they will keep trying to make it work. I’m not saying they’re not as important or anything, but they will understand that you need them, and in my case I physically and mentally cannot live without my girl. From what you described, I don’t think he’s that kind of guy, I don’t think he really cares that much or loves you as much as you love him. I wouldn’t keep trying to make it work with him, and I understand how you feel about him, but if someone shows you they really don’t care for your love, it’s really pointless trying to make it work. I understand with all of the parents stuff too, my mom is the same way and has called the police on me already (long story short, my girl is underage but only three years younger than me, in my state it’s perfectly fine/legal). I know it’s been a while since you posted, but if any of this helps or is still relative, let me know

  12. Mayur vaniya April 29, 2015 at 10:05 am #

    ahh i m also in a long distance relationship.i i m a 20 years old bisexual boy and i live in india where as my boyfriend lives in NYC.we met on facebook and now we both realized we love each other i do realy wanna meet him but its too expensive going there.dont know what to do??

  13. Alex Eric May 6, 2015 at 5:27 am #

    I was in a relationship that was so emotional, the girl was crazy about me and cared about me until after few months after she relocated to a distant town her attitude changed she could no longer care or call like she used to and i started talking to her about the changes and at times wen i do she will get angry.I felt helpless and stupid for i thought my incessant complain about the situation had made her loose interest in me the more cos she now uses harsh tone on me and at a time she confessed to me she had slept with another guy and that i should please forgive her which i did and gave her another chance .But even now i still want to make her love for me grow more and that she could start treating me the way that she used to.Am afraid am loosing her and i want her love badly. How can i get her love back since its so obvious that she is hating me for my complains about the situation please folks i need help.I just want to get her happy atleast once more before the inevitable happens.

  14. selvy June 6, 2015 at 8:43 am #

    Hy…im in a long relationship distance now with one of boy… i knew he by my bestfriend… we keep on contact after that. ..ill have told him about my ex life that i haven in a relationship before with my ex around one year.. .although he also have thought about her ex girl… he has been knew that girl by fb apps.. .they haven couple around 1 year to without seen in apps… they start conversation at apps and start fall in love…. he has been told to me.. and after that he like the way i be… and i too… we both fall and start conversation by call and by whattsapp… then eitheir we both break because an small argument last year… .so after that sometimes ill keep touch by text him in apps… and just suddenly he haven proposed me again this year.. .but he never been in conversation all the time… and he is a football player too.. and i have been asked him before… by asking why he keep a distance by text me all the time.. .he haven said that he scared that he will fall over with me… .but he keep text and talk to me once in a day…and im a hot tempered too… he haven told me by control myself from tempered.. .sometimes he keep asking my picture in whattsapp…and he haven said to me that keep an distance by using apps…. im confused… did he really loved me?
    Help me please… im totally confused…

  15. sammy July 3, 2015 at 10:32 am #

    Hello,am 23 years and is not up to a week I met a guy online,he will be 32 on the 15th of july. He is sounding like someone who is ready for commitment and I like him also.I live in Nigeria and he is in scotland.though our relationship is just few days old but is funny how fast my feelings is growing for him and I don’t want to lose him.

  16. Louis August 16, 2015 at 12:50 pm #

    I was lucky enough to start my relationship with my girl in person, we both worked, talked and saw each other every day. She was scared, she didn’t want to get hurt, so she always kind of kept me at a distance. A month in and she was leaving me to live in another state, and I was and still am crushed. We’ve gotten through 4 months together, Facetiming and messaging each other almost every day, but it’s so hard losing every physical interaction I used to have with her. I lover her so much, but I hate that this was how our relationship is now. The distance has brought us so much closer, there are no secrets or insecurities we don’t know about, everything is out there. I just don’t know if I can keep doing it, we keep trying to set up dates or places to meet up, but every plan isn’t working out and every time we each just get hurt. I love her so much and I’m willing to put myself through all the pain so I could be with her again, but realizing that I’m not going to see her for years is breaking me apart and making me doubt us. I must sound like a jerk, but I honestly don’t know if I can keep having my heart played with like this anymore. I need advice, how do you look at years without your love and tell yourself i’s going to be ok?


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