10 Rules To Make Long Distance Relationships Work
by Eddie Corbano
Nearly everyone has experienced a long distance relationship at some point in his life. Most of us have failed to maintain it and have broken up, even though this may have been a promising relationship. Why is that so? What are the common reasons to break up in those long distance relationships and how can you make them work?
To begin with, I was there myself. A good friend of mine gave my e-mail address to his wife’s best friend. Shortly after that she dropped me a line. So we got to know each other. By e-mail.
The great thing about e-mail communication is, there are no games. At least there shouldn’t be. You can present yourself as the person you are. You can truly open up.
So we fell in love just for the persons we were. No masks, no shields. But still 2000 miles apart.
Of course the critical moment was when we first met. Would the picture we had about each other synchronize with the outer picture? If you’ve been dishonest, then you will fail at this point. Luckily it worked out for us.
Long distance relationships can occur for a number of reasons. Here are some of the common scenarios:
- You’ve met in a chat room or at an online personal site and realized in the end that you were several states far away from each other.
- You recently graduated college and have moved back to your home town and your boyfriend or girlfriend has continued to stay in the college town.
- At work you’ve been promoted and sent to a new city for an important program and will be in that location for several months.
Long distance relationships have both, advantages and disadvantages. For some, the distance is a good help to slowly open up to the relationship without the incessant presence of the partner. The romance stays kindled because you aren’t around the person 24/7 seeing various habits and routines that can get repetitive.
In terms of disadvantages, it is very frustrating that there is no intimacy, no hugging, no kissing. At least between the meetings. You will experience difficulties in connecting because you don’t have eye contact and can’t take walks or enjoy dinners out together.
Then again that makes the meetings so much more intense then they would be in a “normal” relationship. It’s the quality, not the quantity.
Long distance relationships can work, but there are some rules and guides you have to follow.
Of course, there is also a very important condition without an long distant relationship can not work:
You must have a true interest in each other. I mean a deep emotional connection, whether you’ve been together before the spacial separation or you’ve met each other through chat/e-mail. I’m afraid a physical attraction is not enough. That’s why most summer vacation affairs fail in the end.
Here are the rules that made my personal long distance relationship work:
My Recommendation For Further Reading:
- The Long-Distance Relationship Survival Guide - Secrets From Successful Couples Who Have Gone The Distance
- Long Distance Relationships: The Complete Guide - Proven Strategies For Building And Maintaining A Successful LDR
5 Must-See Related Posts:
About The Author:
Eddie Corbano is a breakup-coach, relationship-advisor and founder of LovesAGame. He suffered from a devastating break up in 1998. Since then, he dedicated his life to helping others getting the best of this existential experience. The overcoming of a break up is an important step to autonomy and independency. Eddie Corbano developed some new coaching programs, which focus on evolving inner strength and the power to set and reach any personal goal. (Article written on March 21st, 2007)
Show all posts by Eddie Corbano
272 Responses to “10 Rules To Make Long Distance Relationships Work”
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Recent Comments:
i love all that………… thanks ,for such a wonderful work ,done y U….!!!
HhH | November 20, 2009 | more»
thanks for this best poems
cedy mahlalela | November 20, 2009 | more»
thanks for Tejendra Pun, that poem wrote to someone but the meaning is for everyone that felt love
Andika Dhesta | November 20, 2009 | more»
I know that your break up was some time ago now but reading your story I am feeling the same way. My boyfriend broke up with me last week. I would like to...
caren | November 20, 2009 | more»
i like this poem very much because i touch my heart directly
tejendra pun | November 19, 2009 | more»
hi jen,
i understand your feelings but you should talk to him straightway that what does he want . You should ask him that which type of relationship he is expecting from you because it is going to be much easier for you in future if you guys have set up everything before because one side dedication doesn’t work for so long so it’s better to face the truth rather knowing the truth but trying to deny it.
hope you will think practically about this
I have a question for those that have a long term relationships. Sometimes when you are talking to each other it makes me wonder what others say to each other or how they always have something to talk about. To make a long story short I have been in a long distance relationship for about six months now and at the beginning we have been talking a lot basically sharing and learning about things from each other to the point where I basically learned everything about his life and he knows about mine. And now it has seem that when we talk there is less and less to talk about because we pretty much know what each other’s day is like. I understand that it isn’t necessarily to always have something to say to each other and that just the prescence of the person is enough at time but it makes it hard since I’m afraid that we might slowly drift apart. Another thing is that I have met this person online and with the way my schedule is and my family situations I can not see this person for about another year or maybe until August of next year.
Eddie…
Great article!! It’s always good to know that there are people like you who stay positive and provide positive feedback regarding long distance relationships! Everything you outlined in your article is true, LDR are not impossible, it’s about being strong and believing in what you have. You gave practical, doable and legitimate advice!
Hi to everyone who reads this.
I need a little help. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and we just had our first MAJOR argument last night. Sure, we’ve had discussion where we dont see eye to eye, but it seems those differences bring us closer. Not this time. I felt disrespected because of a video he favourited on YouTube. It was a bunch of barely legal girls dancing like… Well, it was very inappropriate and they barely had clothes. Thats saying a lot coming from me, since Im 18.
Well, I brought it up with him and he kind of flipped. I explained to him how I felt. That by favouriting that, or even watching it, he was somewhat lusting for those girls. Did he want me to dress like that or did he wish I looked like that? I dont know.
I told him all of my thoughts, how I felt disrespected, and how it really bothered me and he wasnt being empathetic at all. Nor sympathetic. In the end, I was the one that ended up apologizing so it wouldn’t lead to a break up. He says I threw everything out of proportion and I never said anything before when he was watching “other” videos *hint, hint* via the internet.
Was I wrong and did I throw everything out of proportion?
I just need some advice and anyones thoughts on this, please. And thanks to all who may help.
Big thanks to Eddie! This site had been an amazing help and guide for me. Its never let me down before.
@-XchelsX-
Hey i just got out of a long distance relationship. and well all i can really tell u is that Boys will be boys and watch that kind of stuff you know, but they will hit the age when they will soon realize to grow up and stop u know? but be carful with the guy haha.. might end up breakin ur heart
Great article.
My boyfriend actually found this a few months ago..
I wish he found this 3 years ago… would have saved soo much pain.
Me and my LD have been on and off for 3 years. This time around we’ve stayed together for 5 mouths as of the 8th. We are extremely happy right now, he’ll be coming to see me for the first time in 8 months. I met him on chatpit..
Many people dont think this can work.. bc there is no or very little physical contact. Personally, being bi polar. Long distance relationships are alot easier for me because of that. You get to know the actually person inside.. and then when you get your chance.. you can get to know them on the outside.. you know what i mean ?
I think you should like.. post this on like myspace and facebook, make it known that LDR’s can work.
I’ve been in a LDR for 2 and a half years, 5 months of that time moved to his state and lived with him. I missed my family and decided to go back home. We ended but 3 wks after I left we are now back on and in 3 months he’s coming back to my home state where we met to stay for good. We met while we were working together, he was attending school, graduated and had no choice to move back home. Its a struggle but our love keeps us going. You have to be strong and have a lot of trust to be in this kind of relationship. Its not easy, but what is.
@-XchelsX- -
hey well i think i would have done the same thing to be completely honest like idk i get a lil jealous when i think he is talk in to other girls i have had that happen to me b4 with my ex huband..well me and my bf have been together for like a month now and we r like head over heels for each other but we havent told it bluntly lol but one day i had his phone and there was a pic of a blonde girl well a message had poped up and it said well i seen u on sat with that girl u was all over that B..ch i was like omg what the world u know well i asked him about it and him being hispanic he said it was his friends u know he had to txt the girl bc his friend couldnt spell enlish i was so upset i called a guy friend had him come pick me up and everything i was crying abd well come to find out he as tell the truth but the lesson i learned is a guy is a guy if he is looking then maybe its just to see what he truly has i mean my bf will look at a girl and then look at me and say im the best he will ever meet well i hope i helped u out what im trying t o say is …….when u see a cute guy not u at least glance??? see dont get mad at every little thing it will ruin ur relationship bad!!