Nearly everyone has been involved in a long distance relationship at some point in their life.
Most of us have failed to maintain it, and have inevitably broken up, even though it may have been a promising relationship.
Why is that so? What are the common reasons for breaking up in those relationships, and how can you make them work?
To begin with, I was there myself.
A good friend of mine gave my e-mail address to his wife’s best friend. Shortly after that, she dropped me a line. So we got to know each other. By e-mail.
The great thing about e-mail communication is that there are no games. At least there shouldn’t be. You can present yourself as the person you are.
You can truly open up.
So we fell in love just for the people we were. No masks, no shields. But still 2000 miles apart.
Of course, the critical moment was when we first met. Would the picture we had of each other synchronize with the outer picture? If you’ve been dishonest, then you will fail at this point.
Luckily, it worked out for us.
Long distance relationships can result from a number of reasons. Here are some of the common scenarios:
- You’ve met in a chat room or an online personal site, and realized in the end that you were several states away from each other.
- You recently graduated college and have moved back to your home town, while your boyfriend or girlfriend has stayed in the college town.
- At work you’ve been promoted and sent to a new city for an important program, and will be in that location for several months.
Those kind of relationships have both advantages and disadvantages.
For some, the distance is a good way to slowly open up to the relationship without the incessant presence of the partner. The romance stays kindled because you aren’t around the person 24/7, having to see various habits and routines that can get repetitive.
In terms of disadvantages, it is very frustrating that there is no intimacy, no hugging, no kissing – at least between the meetings. You will experience difficulties in connecting because you don’t have eye contact, and can’t take walks or enjoy dinners out together.
Then again, that makes the meetings so much more intense than they would be in a “normal” relationship. It’s the quality, not the quantity.
It can work, but there are some rules and guides you have to follow.
Of course, there is also a very important condition that without, any long term relationship will not work:
You must have a true interest in each other.
I mean a deep, emotional connection, whether you’ve been together before the spacial separation or you’ve just met each other through chat or e-mail.
I’m afraid a physical attraction is not enough. That’s why most summer vacation affairs fail in the end.
Here are the rules that made my personal long distance relationship work: