Top Menu

10 Rules To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

long distance relationshipsNearly everyone has been involved in a long distance relationship at some point in their life.

Most of us have failed to maintain it, and have inevitably broken up, even though it may have been a promising relationship.

Why is that so? What are the common reasons for breaking up in those relationships, and how can you make them work?

To begin with, I was there myself.

A good friend of mine gave my e-mail address to his wife’s best friend. Shortly after that, she dropped me a line. So we got to know each other. By e-mail.

The great thing about e-mail communication is that there are no games. At least there shouldn’t be. You can present yourself as the person you are.

You can truly open up.

So we fell in love just for the people we were. No masks, no shields. But still 2000 miles apart.

Of course, the critical moment was when we first met. Would the picture we had of each other synchronize with the outer picture? If you’ve been dishonest, then you will fail at this point.

Luckily, it worked out for us.

Long distance relationships can result from a number of reasons. Here are some of the common scenarios:

  • You’ve met in a chat room or an online personal site, and realized in the end that you were several states away from each other.
  • You recently graduated college and have moved back to your home town, while your boyfriend or girlfriend has stayed in the college town.
  • At work you’ve been promoted and sent to a new city for an important program, and will be in that location for several months.

Those kind of relationships have both advantages and disadvantages.

For some, the distance is a good way to slowly open up to the relationship without the incessant presence of the partner. The romance stays kindled because you aren’t around the person 24/7, having to see various habits and routines that can get repetitive.

In terms of disadvantages, it is very frustrating that there is no intimacy, no hugging, no kissing – at least between the meetings. You will experience difficulties in connecting because you don’t have eye contact, and can’t take walks or enjoy dinners out together.

Then again, that makes the meetings so much more intense than they would be in a “normal” relationship. It’s the quality, not the quantity.

It can work, but there are some rules and guides you have to follow.

Of course, there is also a very important condition that without, any long term relationship will not work:

You must have a true interest in each other.

I mean a deep, emotional connection, whether you’ve been together before the spacial separation or you’ve just met each other through chat or e-mail.

I’m afraid a physical attraction is not enough. That’s why most summer vacation affairs fail in the end.

Here are the rules that made my personal long distance relationship work:

533 Responses to 10 Rules To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

  1. Jessica Valencia September 12, 2014 at 5:40 am #

    “Absence makes the heart grow fonder “

  2. Dashia September 25, 2014 at 2:22 am #

    What if you are in the military and monthly meetings are not possible due to deployments etc

    • Rockylaryea November 24, 2014 at 9:32 am #

      Dude am also in the same thing,my partner is over 1000km away due to duty detachment.we chat everyday all the time,unless she’s busy or am busy with work.even though it’s difficult sometimes I try to stay positive and thing of how to make things better.

  3. Maria Cucchiara November 6, 2014 at 8:10 am #

    Hello, I am 47 and man I am dating is 68 year old widower. We have been dating a year. His wife has been gone 1 1/2 years. We live 2 hrs away from one another. I have been doing the majority of driving this year. Past month, I am getting tired of drive etc. I brought up to him and he said he just cant do the drive. I was hurt and disappointed. Need some navigation with this latest update. Thank you! MARIA

  4. Jen December 21, 2014 at 10:22 pm #

    If a guy waits on u for 5 months is it a good relationship. I’ve never seen him, I met him over xbox live, and he waited, but I tried to move on but I couldn’t . I have feelings for him, but my closest friend think it’s a terrible idea to date him. They say the protect me from my boyfriend. I don’t know what to think. Please tell me, do u think he loves me as much as I love him?

    • Jen December 21, 2014 at 10:23 pm #

      And I live in Texas , but he lives in Florida …

      • cris January 8, 2015 at 4:13 am #

        he might love u or hes just lonely, try to call him or Skype if your both old enough buy it or buy two and ship one to him make it work ive been through the same thing and i still am and we are going to make it work ,but im just 14. take it or leave it the advice is up to u to take

  5. John December 24, 2014 at 2:00 am #

    We met in an online game. As weird as it may sound, yes we met in a game. We have known each other for almost 1 month now. We have never seen each other but we feel our love. Do you think our relationship will last. I really need help and advices.

    • Hollie January 11, 2015 at 9:06 pm #

      I know what you mean. I have been in a long distance relationship with someone I have yet to meet. I knew within the first month of knowing him that I loved him. It has been 5 months now and our connection is stronger than ever. It’s a very difficult thing to get through, but as long as you truly love each other there is always the possibility of it working out.

    • Sequin February 25, 2015 at 6:53 pm #

      My boyfriend and I met on an online game via our phones last July.

      We fell for each other almost immediately and we would FaceTime every day. When we finally made the bold step to meet each other in person it was incredible.

      From there, we would FaceTime constantly, take it in turns to visit each other once every 2 weeks (we lived 2 and a half hrs away).

      2 weeks ago we moved in together and it has been the most amazing thing. He is my best friend and love of my life.

  6. karen gwinisa January 21, 2015 at 8:39 am #

    i think u shld just follow ur heart

  7. Kelly C February 8, 2015 at 4:28 am #

    I think I have you all beat. I live in North Carolina and my boyfriend of 2 years in march lives in India. We met while working on a cruise ship together. I don’t do the ship thing anymore, but he does and he’s thinking for one more year. Which is fine. But when he goes back home (to India)… Then what? He wants me to move there. But that’s like a culture shock, a huge deal, and I honestly don’t know if I could mentally or physically do that. Our love is so strong and I swear I would do anything to make it work. He’s the one. The one for me. But moving to India is big. And he doesn’t want to come to the states. I don’t really know what to do or what’s going to happen with our relationship. But all I know is that I love him more than anything in this world. Anyone who has any good advice, suggestions, or thoughts, please don’t hesitate to send me an email at kelly_carosa13@hotmail.com
    Thank you!

    • george February 11, 2015 at 10:35 am #

      compromising is essential dear.here’s my story.
      i’m from beirut-lebanon .last year i went to moscow for my friend’s wedding .
      i got introduced to the bride maid of course, as i was the best man.
      and so on we liked each other.then i had to come back.
      but with time and over chatting and tech-communication, love found us.
      the distance issue 2500km was hard.so we agreed for visits once in a while she comes , i go
      but till when? she unconsciously is willing to follow me everywhere. but i told her that i would do the same before.the thing is the employment thing…culture u can adapt , a new culture is something amazing believe me.what i’m facing here is what she’s a bit afraid of.she’s not that good in English, but i think she is.and i started learn russian,))remember movie “love actually”

    • Gayle March 17, 2015 at 6:36 am #

      Hi Kelly,

      I know what you mean. In fact I am also in a long distance relationship. It’s hard and I don’t know what to do sometimes. Then I decided to share what I learn from our distance relationship on my blog howtomakealongdistancerelationshipwork.com Feel free to visit me there and share your thoughts.

  8. Maria February 19, 2015 at 3:32 am #

    Well he left for two years for a mission and I only get an email from him once a week and really it’s all I need and I look forward to the day he emails me back and when I get an email from him my heart just skips a beat and makes my whole week honestly. I think a long distance relationship can work simply on how much interest you have towards one another and the will to keep up with them and opening up and just try to talk about everything.

  9. jessie March 5, 2015 at 12:45 am #

    What if she is In the UK and I am in Los Angeles. Its been a year we have yet to meet . We have a planned to meet in July. Some days are harder than others. At times my messages get lost in translation as hers do as well. The time difference is hard . I don’t share with people because the I receive negative feedback.

    Any advice?

    • PersonThatNeedsHelpPlease April 13, 2015 at 5:16 am #

      not really i feel your pain though…my situation is much like yours except mine is broken…I’m sorry i wish i could help..just keep on talking to her no matter what; video chat with her as much as possible

  10. June March 10, 2015 at 9:36 am #

    Me and my gamer boyfriend also meet in an online game…we have a 12hrs difference…well at first it was just for fun to teas our friends but then when we started chatting, we felt this sort of connection…we would constantly videocall and chat on our first 2 weeks…(we’re already on our 1st month btw)…but lately our communication lessened ever since he got this new game…i know i should support him and let him do what he loves…but now i feel so left out and sadness is getting the most out of me…i greeted him on our 1st month and even made a song for him as a surprise….but i didn’t get any response asides that he doesn’t know how to rhythm his words…his drifting farther away…i want to tell him about it but im afraid that he would think im being annoying and i dont want to get in his way…what should i do to keep our relationship working?

    • cookie March 11, 2015 at 8:19 am #

      I know you probably already dealed with this but… honestly telling your thoughts to chur loved one will help alot with the relationship.

  11. PersonThatNeedsHelpPlease April 13, 2015 at 5:13 am #

    Hello people, I’m here to tell my story and hopefully somebody will help. Let me start off by saying I love somebody in the UK and I live in the US. Ok now that I have your attention, if I do, I need help. So about 2 years ago I met this guy. Didn’t really think that much about him, right? Until about a year ago I started talking and talking to him. Eventually I told him about how I felt and he had felt the same…so we dated over the summer. Everything was going fine; we kept in touch a lot, etc, until school started. Since he lives in the UK we are 7 hours apart so when I got out of school it would be like 11 for him; it left barely anytime to talk. That did complicate things however that’s not what ended us. For a week he ignored me during September I think and I kept on spamming him, “Hey, are you OK where are you?” and other things like that. No reply. That is until he finally messaged me saying, “You mean the world to me but we have to break up. I can’t stand not being able to hug you, or even go out somewhere, and I just can’t do this anymore but I still love you.” I was in disbelief and didn’t want to believe what I had just read. Fast forward to November, oh and during October he had gotten a new girlfriend already -(During this time i was trying to get him back spamming him vent messages), my parents found out I was texting a “stranger” and they found out I had been depressed etc. They screamed at me saying I’ll never talk to this person again and now they don’t trust me. I had my phone taken away, they looked at everything. They think I was being catfished etc but I KNOW he’s real; I’ve skyped/facetimed and there are too many signs pointing to him being real. (as in not a weird 60 year old) So I was forced to ignore him for months, and my parents in that time “convinced me” he was terrible. About 3 or 4 months ago I found out a way to contact him to tell him some things and to get closure. However I ended up falling in love again. His gf broke up with him a few weeks ago, and I asked him if he loved me. His reply still being yes I do but we can’t be together. Now all I do is vent to him because I’m trying to get him back, but he barely replies to anything and i think he’s getting annoyed. Sometimes I want to bring it up, but after I say sorry and he just ignores anything I’ve said about us. Ive gone on multiple dates trying to forget him but I still love him. He says he hates long distance and it just doesn’t work for him. Any ideas? I need to stop spamming him (venting) but i want him to know how i feel and he just asked another girl out and i asked him yet again if he had feelings for me and this time he said: “I honestly don’t know and its better that way. Lives to short so live a happy one.” But the thing is I want HIM. My parents are against this and have blocked the app store on my phone as well as safari. I have no idea what to do…help me please..

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. iStudent, iLove at AbsentSoul.net - August 22, 2007

    […] 10 Rules To Make Long Distance Relationships Work […]

  2. 10 Rules to Make Long Distance Relationships Work « Life Lists - October 3, 2007

    […] post was first published here by Eddie Corbano.  Special thanks for his allowing me to post this again […]

  3. Fox News Channel University | Tough Love: Long-Distance, in Short - August 2, 2010

    […] are hopelessly alienating. If you want to be coddled, check out these websites here and here and here. But you won’t find any of that stuff […]

Leave a Reply