10 Rules To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

10 Rules To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

Nearly everyone has been involved in a long distance relationship at some point in their life.

Most of us have failed to maintain it, and have inevitably broken up, even though it may have been a promising relationship.

Why is that so? What are the common reasons for breaking up in those relationships, and how can you make them work?

To begin with, I was there myself.

A good friend of mine gave my e-mail address to his wife’s best friend.

Shortly after that, she dropped me a line. So we got to know each other.

By e-mail.

The great thing about e-mail communication is that there are no games. At least there shouldn’t be. You can present yourself as the person you are.

You can truly open up.

So we fell in love just for the people we were. No masks, no shields. But still 2000 miles apart.

Of course, the critical moment was when we first met.

Would the picture we had of each other synchronize with the outer picture?

If you’ve been dishonest, then you will fail at this point.

Luckily, it worked out for us.

Long distance relationships can happen due to various reasons.

Here are some of the common scenarios:

  • You’ve met in a chat room or an online personal site, and realized in the end that you were several states away from each other.
  • You recently graduated college and have moved back to your hometown, while your boyfriend or girlfriend has stayed in the college town.
  • At work you’ve been promoted and sent to a new city for an important program, and will be in that location for several months.

That kind of relationships have both advantages and disadvantages.

For some, the distance is a good way to slowly open up to the relationship without the constant presence of the partner.

The romance stays kindled because you aren’t around the person 24/7, having to see different habits and routines that can get repetitive.

Regarding disadvantages, it is very frustrating that there is no intimacy, no hugging, no kissing – at least between the meetings.

You will experience difficulties in connecting because you don’t have eye contact, and can’t take walks or enjoy dinners out together.

Then again, that makes the meetings so much more intense than they would be in a “normal” relationship.

It’s the quality, not the quantity.

It can work, but there are some rules and guides you have to follow.

Of course, there is also a crucial condition that without, any long term relationship will not work:

You must have a sincere interest in each other.

I mean a deep, emotional connection, whether you’ve been together before the spatial separation or you’ve just met each other through chat or e-mail.

I’m afraid a physical attraction is not enough.

That’s why most summer vacation affairs fail in the end.

Here are the rules that made my personal long distance relationship work:

1. Have A Relationship Plan For The Future

Know where you are heading. Have a light at the end of the tunnel.

What do you want to accomplish in your partnership?

Have goals and a time frame for when you want to be together. It is critical that you both have a hope to live for.

Have a light at the end of the tunnel.

I think that this is the most common reason why some relationships over distance don’t work – they don’t have a plan.

They just hope it will turn out right eventually, and that a miracle is going to happen.

Indeed this also means you will have to make sacrifices. At least one of you.

Realize that you most likely only have three options:

  1. she moves to him
  2. he moves to her
  3. both move to another place

Start talking about it as soon as you realize that you want to be together.

The biggest mistake you can make is to hush it up.

2. Meet Regularly

Try to see each other every month, at least once.

Plan this ahead, and include some activities like town visits, museums, a weekend in a fancy hotel, etc.

Make it a celebration, an explosion – something very special!

Soon these short meetings will be something you long for, something that you will align your life around.

Remember, you can only get a real connection by touching, feeling and smelling a person.

You don’t get smell with email or Skype, or that initial wow you feel inside when you see your love.

So do everything you can to meet at least once a month.

3. Use Modern Technologies To Communicate

You need all the help you can get, so why not use the excellent benefits of a modern communication world:

  • Write at least one e-mail to each other every day
  • Use Skype/Facetime or something similar to talk to each other for free. Believe me; it’s awesome watching a movie together while simultaneously talking to each other
  • Use Instant Messaging
  • Use digital photographs or take videos of your daily activities and send them via e-mail
  • Use a webcam, (this I can highly recommend)

Using all this electronic stuff will make it much easier for you both.

Imagine how it used to be 100 years ago when a letter used to take months.

4. Give Yourselves A Free Day

This one-sided communication – I mean with no physical interaction – can sometimes frustrate you very intensively.

It is possible that this frustration then turns to conflicts between you as an outlet for it.

This could lead to misunderstandings that are tough to resolve per e-mail.

Believe me one thing – you do not want to have a fight over e-mail or phone.

I found it very helpful to insert a day or two without any communication.

What happens then is that you miss each other very intensely, and you usually find yourselves at a much higher level than you were before.

If the only way of interaction between you is canceled for a day or two, you will either progress or doubt.

In any case, you will know where you stand.

This is also a good way to test the strength of your relationship.

5. Write Extensive And Intimate Emails

“The most important thing here is – be honest!”

Open yourself up completely.

Write about your inner state, what you are feeling, what you dream about, what you hope for.

As a rule of guidance, describe in your emails, your inner state and during your phone calls, your outer state.

Writing is more intense than verbal communication and allows you to be more intimate. That will create a tighter bond between you.

The most important thing here is – be honest!

Don’t pretend you are someone you are not. Don’t put yourself in a better light.

You will only have a chance if both people are completely honest and congruent.

6. Send A Written Letter Once In A While

Do not underestimate that marvelous feeling when you look in your mailbox and find a letter from your love, open it, and see his/her writing.

This is a pleasure we often forget about in this modern era.

Not to mention that it’s far more romantic.

7. Beware Of Jealousy

Jealousy is a very dangerous thing and can threaten every romantic relationship.

Jealousy is commonly a lack of trust and understanding. It very often reveals insecurities and bad experiences in other relationships.

The keyword here is simply – trust.

You cannot control and observe your partner. You can only have faith in your relationship, and in the things you have built in the times, you have had together.

Hold on to that, and never give into that green eyed monster.

Jealousy is one of the most negative and destructive emotions there is!

Listen to Shakespeare:

O, beware, my lord, of jealousy
It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock
The meat it feeds on; that cuckold lives in bliss
Who, certain of his fate, loves not his wronger
But, O, what damned minutes tells he o’er
Who dotes, yet doubts, suspects, yet strongly loves!

8. Avoid Dangerous “Situations”

As mentioned before, trust is essential.

If you completely trust your partner and also have faith in your relationship, you can pretty much do what you want without endangering anything you have together.

However, I nevertheless recommend avoiding some specific situations.

Of course, it depends on the person, but I would not go out with anyone of the opposite sex alone, or go to wild parties.

Simply avoid temptations that could distract you from each other.

Better safe than sorry!

9. Never Lose Faith

People will tell you that relationships over a long distance never work.

Watch out – you will meet a lot of skepticism.

People will “warn you” about this kind of relationships, especially those who have had negative experiences with them.

Don’t listen to them.

People tend to negate things they failed on.

Listen to me – it can definitely work, but you both have to believe it.

Check out my article on achieving goals.

10. Always Stay Positive

Always assume that your partner loves you and cares about you.

Never believe anything negative, whether you read something in his/her emails or you disliked how he/she made a weird comment on something.

Don’t interpret too much into anything.

The problem with non-face-to-face communication is the lack of facial expression.

It is so easy to misinterpret, but unfortunately much harder to trust and stay positive.

I assure you, if something were really wrong, you would know it.

As you can see, I’m positive about long distance relationships.

They expose ongoing life lessons and prove that love, loyalty, and faith are the vital ingredients to a lasting relationship.

Have faith, have trust, and you both will succeed in the end.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

  • I have a boyfriend right now, but I’m leaving in June… To another country… And he’s saying that he wants to go long distance, but I’m scared to… Any advice?

  • My boyfriend who I am in love with is going to a new school and he really loves me but I keep thinking what if he cheats on me. I really love him but I have my own doubts. What can I do to trust him?

    I really love him though…

  • My boyfriend who I am in love with lives in New York. He cares about me and loves me soo much and wants a future together with me. However there are times I am texting him every two mintues and checking up on him on fb to see what he is doing, without even realizing I am being immature. I do trust him and so by this he tells me that he wants more of a mature relationship and sometimes I don’t behave mature enough. He loves me and cares for me enough and I am worried his feelings changed for me and I am freaking out! I need advices

  • He lives im Asia and I live im South America.. We actually lived together before I moved here buy now I feel like he just wants to chat 24/7 and I find it soooo..I don’t know I guess too much..I feel like if we did less it would be so much better but at the same time I don’t wanna hurt his feelings

  • I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend, and he lives in Florida and I am in New York which is 15 hours away. We have been dating for about a week and I don’t know what to do because we will not ever see each other. I don’t know how to last this, and yet I am only 13. We have true feelings for each other and we text and call everyday. And have love for each other. If you have any advice for how to last this please help!!

  • Amanda Rossie says:

    i lived in singapore he lives in indonesia. his age is 24 my age is 16. we do love each other, is there any wrong of the age gap?

  • the girl i have my heart set on lives in texas i live in south carolina how can it work i love her

  • Stephen Guerrero says:

    Great stuff, I hope to remember these great words you have shared with us all to be a good man to the woman I have met online. She is unlike others who have at this point been rather, well lets just say I wouldn’t invite them to meet my mother for dinner with the pictures they use to invite to their world.

    Maybe I’m old fashioned in a small way but we did meet online and we are trying to learn about each other before we move any further, I’d like her to be comfortable and feel safe but unsure how that works with online communication and pictures and video chats at this stage for us.

  • A Lost Girlfriend says:

    I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I’m in a LDR but can’t travel to meet my boyfriend. He always has to come to me. This was not the way things were supposed to go, but this is the way it is. I don’t know how to tell him that this is how it will have to be for a few years and I don’t know how he will take it. Whenever he comes out, I literally pay for everything and always plan really fun events for us to go see and partake in, so it isn’t like he is ever bored. Our sex life is great and all of our emotional needs are met.

    • You’re having sex with the guy, so why can’t you be brave enough to speak openly and honestly?

      If you are scared that you will lose him if you break the news that you can’t travel his way for a while, then your relationship with him is not very stable.

      This guy has it made with you, I doubt he will give up the easy sex with someone who pays for everything and makes the plans.

      By the way, have you and him been using protection against STD’s?

  • I’m in LDR for 4yeas now actually today is our 4years anniversary,LDR is so difficult relationship,like me I’ll try to be patient for our baby ,by the we have baby ,,we hve so much fight this time most especially last 2015 coz he really change much ,,ifeel he hiding something,then ifound he hve been chatting someone else ,it’s hurt much coz he do promise we promise together no hiding,but he does,,isay something to him when I’m so upset ,, I say separation but he don’t want ,he say he loves me,but he change much idont know wat to think this time sometimes I think he just say he loves me becoz of our baby ,,I think he just playing with me now ,,,Nd I just ask a favor to him if he can put our photos in his profile he mad nd talking much ,,,can u know what the best thing to do,,

    • You need to move on, for your sake and for the sake of your child. Your long distance guy has a child with you and he isn’t stepping up at all. He is acting like a boy and not a responsible man.

      You say “let’s separate” but he doesn’t agree? And you found out he’s chatting with other female(s)? Then who cares what he wants. It is crystal clear this guy has his cake and will eat it too with you. He may be doing much worse without your knowledge.

      No need to have any further discussion with him. No need for a breakup talk.

      Start living your life without this man in the picture. He is acting like a single guy with 100% freedom. Give him what he wants–a life without the burden of a child and baby momma.

      Good luck!

  • If you really love him baby no stoppage! But be sure you really love him, not for any reason, I mean true love, if truly love the guy, the spirit of conectivity will connect both of you, because is natural. Let your mind conceive it first so it can achieve it, no matter the distance. A message from MC Maga

  • I was lucky enough to start my relationship with my girl in person, we both worked, talked and saw each other every day. She was scared, she didn’t want to get hurt, so she always kind of kept me at a distance. A month in and she was leaving me to live in another state, and I was and still am crushed. We’ve gotten through 4 months together, Facetiming and messaging each other almost every day, but it’s so hard losing every physical interaction I used to have with her. I lover her so much, but I hate that this was how our relationship is now. The distance has brought us so much closer, there are no secrets or insecurities we don’t know about, everything is out there. I just don’t know if I can keep doing it, we keep trying to set up dates or places to meet up, but every plan isn’t working out and every time we each just get hurt. I love her so much and I’m willing to put myself through all the pain so I could be with her again, but realizing that I’m not going to see her for years is breaking me apart and making me doubt us. I must sound like a jerk, but I honestly don’t know if I can keep having my heart played with like this anymore. I need advice, how do you look at years without your love and tell yourself i’s going to be ok?

    • Tryingtohelp says:

      Hey man, look, I’d kill for that again. I lost my love, same situation as you. I mean EXACTLY the same. And right now? I’d do anything to get her back. Don’t lose her. When you feel that way, take some time off. Or, when you want to give up, remember why you’ve held on so long in the first place.

  • Hello,am 23 years and is not up to a week I met a guy online,he will be 32 on the 15th of july. He is sounding like someone who is ready for commitment and I like him also.I live in Nigeria and he is in scotland.though our relationship is just few days old but is funny how fast my feelings is growing for him and I don’t want to lose him.

  • Hy…im in a long relationship distance now with one of boy… i knew he by my bestfriend… we keep on contact after that. ..ill have told him about my ex life that i haven in a relationship before with my ex around one year.. .although he also have thought about her ex girl… he has been knew that girl by fb apps.. .they haven couple around 1 year to without seen in apps… they start conversation at apps and start fall in love…. he has been told to me.. and after that he like the way i be… and i too… we both fall and start conversation by call and by whattsapp… then eitheir we both break because an small argument last year… .so after that sometimes ill keep touch by text him in apps… and just suddenly he haven proposed me again this year.. .but he never been in conversation all the time… and he is a football player too.. and i have been asked him before… by asking why he keep a distance by text me all the time.. .he haven said that he scared that he will fall over with me… .but he keep text and talk to me once in a day…and im a hot tempered too… he haven told me by control myself from tempered.. .sometimes he keep asking my picture in whattsapp…and he haven said to me that keep an distance by using apps…. im confused… did he really loved me?
    Help me please… im totally confused…

  • Alex Eric says:

    I was in a relationship that was so emotional, the girl was crazy about me and cared about me until after few months after she relocated to a distant town her attitude changed she could no longer care or call like she used to and i started talking to her about the changes and at times wen i do she will get angry.I felt helpless and stupid for i thought my incessant complain about the situation had made her loose interest in me the more cos she now uses harsh tone on me and at a time she confessed to me she had slept with another guy and that i should please forgive her which i did and gave her another chance .But even now i still want to make her love for me grow more and that she could start treating me the way that she used to.Am afraid am loosing her and i want her love badly. How can i get her love back since its so obvious that she is hating me for my complains about the situation please folks i need help.I just want to get her happy atleast once more before the inevitable happens.

  • Mayur vaniya says:

    ahh i m also in a long distance relationship.i i m a 20 years old bisexual boy and i live in india where as my boyfriend lives in NYC.we met on facebook and now we both realized we love each other i do realy wanna meet him but its too expensive going there.dont know what to do??

    • Just keep your mind on it always, both of you will meeet because what your mind can conceive it can achieve, believe that you love each other, by then you are opening up for conectivity, distance or money is a problem, trust me it will be a suprise to you that you finally meet. Have fun, think no more. A message from MC Maga a comedian from west Africa Nigeria

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