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10 Things You Don’t Want To Hear From Your Ex

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As if the news that your partner doesn’t want to be with you any longer isn’t enough, they often think they have to try to comfort you – to make you feel better.

What most of the “Dumpers” simply do not understand is: they CANNOT give any comfort. They are only able to give as much comfort as a drug would to a drug addict.

But I don’t blame them.

I’ve been both, “Dumpee” and “Dumper”. The truth is when you care, none of these roles is a walk in the park.

There are certain rules you can follow to break up gracefully, yes, but most of the “Dumpers” have never heard of this.

The result is – they say stupid things that make you hate them, and prolong your healing time.

I’ve listed below 10 of the worst phrases dumpers have thrown at my readers, as reported in the emails I receive. Hopefully YOU will not make the same mistakes in the future.

1. “We can still be friends”

This is an all-time classic.

There are actually three things behind this:

  1. The dumper thinks that being friends with you will make it easier
  2. The dumper doesn’t want you to disappear completely from their life, (but also doesn’t want you IN their life)
  3. The dumper wants to take advantage of you in some way, (friends, sex, influence, etc.)

The no-contact rule demands that there is no friendship after a break up, and this is proven to be the best way to go.


2. “It’s not you, it’s me…”

This is something completely stupid to say.

When you are looking for an answer, an explanation, then this answer will confuse you completely.

3. “I love you still, but…”

This sentence is also a big no-no.

Although I admit that there can be situations where the Dumper honestly thinks that they still love the person with whom they are breaking up with, but it is NOT ok to say it.

I understand that the dumper might think that it’s easier for the one left behind, but trust me, it isn’t. On the contrary, it is MUCH harder to hear that your Ex still loves you.

“Then why is he breaking up with me?” This is a legitimate question, which the Dumper never could answer in a way that the Dumpee understands it.

There are some more stupid phrases in the same category:

  • “I will always love you”
  • “I’m always there for you”
  • “I have loved you so much”
  • “You are and always will be someone special to me”
  • “I don’t want to lose you”

These are all terrible statements you really don’t want to hear from your Ex who’s breaking up with you.

4. “I am simply not the relationship-type”

This is sort of a classic one.

People have written me that they’ve heard this one after several years of being together. With this background, such a sentence is only a slap in the face, and an insult.

5. “I am not good enough for you”

This is usually followed by, “You deserve better than me”.

This one, while also meant to give comfort, accomplishes the opposite.

6. “I need time to think”

The next thing you are going to hear after this is usually, “We should take a time-out”.

This happens a lot and is almost always a sign of cowardice: The dumper had the plan to break up, but pulled the plug. Instead they are postponing the problem, on the cost of the one left behind. The following “time-out” will be hell for them: they don’t know whether they have been dumped or not. The uncertainty is just unbearable.

In this case, I recommend for you to reply: “I don’t want a time-out.  You have to decide right away whether you want to continue the relationship or not!”

7. “That’s life!”

Yes, life means making experiences, the good and the ugly – but I don’t need YOU to tell me this during the break up, dear Dumper!

8. “I really don’t want to hurt you”

I’m sure you don’t want to hurt the one you’re breaking up with, but I’ve got news for you: You ALWAYS do.

It’s impossible to break up with someone without hurting. That’s a fact. All you can do is follow some rules and try to make it as graceful as possible.

This is of course difficult, but doable.

9. “I’m sure that I will regret this”

Now what’s that supposed to mean? Is this a hidden clue that it might later come to reconciliation?

While this is very often just an expression the Dumper throws in without thinking about it, the Dumpee will not forget it. In fact, this sole expression will most likely lead to harmful “overthinking”.

10. “I don’t know what I want”

This is very often an attempt to draw attention to themselves, hoping to distract from the horrible situation that is happening. If it’s followed by something like, “my life is a mess”, then the Dumper is trying to be pitiful.

They don’t know what they want, but they still want to break up.

Don’t play this game.


If you are the Dumper, then please avoid sentences like this. I’m sure they are said with the best intentions, but they can only do harm to the person left behind.

Plan ahead what you are going to say, be clear in your intention and leave no doubt. This is the best you can do.

If you are the Dumpee and your Ex throws sentences like this at you, try to not take them to heart. Ignore them the best you can.

All the information you need is that your partner wants to break up with you, as painful as that might be.

The best you can do is to forget everything they say while breaking up, how they say it is not relevant. The consequences of it are hard enough to deal with – don’t burden yourself with the details.

Now it’s your turn: What have you heard from your Ex that you really hated? Please list those phrases in the comment section.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

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318 Responses to 10 Things You Don’t Want To Hear From Your Ex

  1. Candy August 16, 2014 at 7:17 am #

    I got 8 out of 10!

    We were in a relationship for 16 years! and I had to go for some family problem out of the country. We decided that since recently we were having lots of problems, we would take a break and not talk with each other for these 3 and half months. When i came back he told me me how he had fallen in love with himself and wanted to be free. he has been bound for too long. he also said expressed lot of anger towards me, telling me what i shrew i had been (which is obviously a very common opinion of lot of long term boyfriends, husbands) and then after ranting against me for a week, i found out that he had already started going around with someone else, while i was not there.

    this was as shock for me as i figured that his suddenly finding so many problems with me, was due to finding someone new. and then all the games started. i tried the no contact, but he immediately contacted me and said he wanted to meet and be together again. i said we could meet after a few days. in those few days we texted etc and i realized that he got cold feet again. he started avoiding me again and saying that he wants to be free for now, but he is liking the fact that i want him back and that i love him so much. it felt like he was holding out a carrot for me. he also told me if i stick around and keep meeting him whenever he wants to, he might want to come back.

    however the way he talks with me, when i try to ask him what’s going on, is very rude. he says things like i dont care, you figure out what going on. or who are you to ask me whats going on? or he keeps trying to provoke me, by mentioning the other girl – how he is going to test his feelings for the other girl or how he is going to meet her, how she is unlike me, why he likes her etc.

    since this is a long relationship (16 years) i feel a certain connect with him, we have both been crazy together and we enjoy each other’s company, we are childhood sweethearts. i feel a loyalty with him which i will have to uproot from myself.

    but his behaviour is giving me mixed signals, also he is humiliating me, i can see that. but if there is a chance to get him to listen or to work things out, i want to take it. am i in denial? is it really over? or should i try working things out with him?

    • Gabriel September 19, 2014 at 6:20 am #

      I received #1 via text message that said she wanted to return our relationship back into being a friendship.

      I think that’s one of the worst things to say when breaking up. people say they want to be friends, but then disappear.

      Relationships end.
      It’s been four months and I’m still offended, but looking forward to forgiveness and peace of mind. Wish me luck.

  2. Candy August 19, 2014 at 6:47 am #

    Dear Eddy,

    The worst thing I heard from my ex boyfriend is that he wants to try out with other women and then decide whether he wants to be with me, depending on how I behave during this time, when he is exploring. he said if i wanted him back i had to show him how loyal i am, by being with him while he explores. He had said he wants to break off, that if we were married he would have asked for divorce, but he keeps saying to give it time.

    • Andrew August 27, 2014 at 10:43 pm #

      Oh my God. That’s exactly the kind of guy that gives the rest of us a bad reputation! I’m glad you kicked his ass to the kerb!

      My ex says she wants to be friends at some point but that’s just her trying to cussion the blow for her own sake. She also apparently still loves me but can’t trust me (no, I didn’t cheat on her). She made a huge deal about how she was scared of me when we had a big fight but then saw me four times after she supposedly kicked me out and we had sex each time. Talk about used…

      The worst thing to hear though was her telling me that if I had “Just kept my head down and got my self together” she would have wanted me back. What utter crap. I bet I’d I had chosen that path she’d have found a different reason to excuse herself from trying to talk things through.

      The more I read here the more I know I am better off without her now it’s done.

      • Candy August 29, 2014 at 5:13 am #

        Hey Andrew,

        you are right, she would have found a different reason to excuse herself from trying to talk things through… people who cannot take the responsibility to work things out or explain kindly why they are sure things wont work out, are the people who create such mess when leaving.

        i think this is inexcuseable.

        my ex and I were together for 16 years and he doesnt even have the courtesy to break off gracefully. i was gone for a few months and when i came back he was already seeing another girl. no explanations, no break off conversation. and when confronted he says all this crap. and at the end of the conversation is the usual bail out – give it time…

  3. Bella September 19, 2014 at 11:33 am #

    I got three out of ten. He still loves me, but is no longer “in love”. And yes, he said he might one day really really regret his decision.
    I’m sure he said all this with the best intentions (he’s not a “bad” guy), just had no clue that it would be more difficult for me to accept the situation. Anyway, I have accepted it now (break up a month now), he’s already with someone else (how more definite can it be…), and I’m trying to move on.
    Ah yes, he also said he needed time “alone”, because his life “is a mess”. That doesn’t really correspond with the fact that he already has a new girlfriend, does it :-P

    • Bc October 1, 2014 at 11:03 pm #

      Bella I am in the same situation. 2 months broken up now. He has told me he misses me, cares for me, may regret it, needs space cause he doesn’t know if its over etc etc.. yet is dating and was dating a week and a half after… I turned into the needy, desperate pleading ex partly because of some of these comments. They gave me hope as he said he is having a hard time with the break up… so I pushed to get back together, he retreated and has now asked me not to contact him. I did get overally pushy and emotional on him and now regret it, but can’t apologize as he doesn’t want contact.

      Part of me was so confused that he was saying these things to me, but was still dating another girl… messed me up pretty bad and I now know that I can’t have contact with him as it is too hard on me at this time… maybe 6 + months down the road we can talk, but nothing can be said/done at this time.

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