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10 Things You Don’t Want To Hear From Your Ex

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As if the news that your partner doesn’t want to be with you any longer isn’t enough, they often think they have to try to comfort you – to make you feel better.

What most of the “Dumpers” simply do not understand is: they CANNOT give any comfort. They are only able to give as much comfort as a drug would to a drug addict.

But I don’t blame them.

I’ve been both, “Dumpee” and “Dumper”. The truth is when you care, none of these roles is a walk in the park.

There are certain rules you can follow to break up gracefully, yes, but most of the “Dumpers” have never heard of this.

The result is – they say stupid things that make you hate them, and prolong your healing time.

I’ve listed below 10 of the worst phrases dumpers have thrown at my readers, as reported in the emails I receive. Hopefully YOU will not make the same mistakes in the future.

1. “We can still be friends”

This is an all-time classic.

There are actually three things behind this:

  1. The dumper thinks that being friends with you will make it easier
  2. The dumper doesn’t want you to disappear completely from their life, (but also doesn’t want you IN their life)
  3. The dumper wants to take advantage of you in some way, (friends, sex, influence, etc.)

The no-contact rule demands that there is no friendship after a break up, and this is proven to be the best way to go.

Period.

2. “It’s not you, it’s me…”

This is something completely stupid to say.

When you are looking for an answer, an explanation, then this answer will confuse you completely.

3. “I love you still, but…”

This sentence is also a big no-no.

Although I admit that there can be situations where the Dumper honestly thinks that they still love the person with whom they are breaking up with, but it is NOT ok to say it.

I understand that the dumper might think that it’s easier for the one left behind, but trust me, it isn’t. On the contrary, it is MUCH harder to hear that your Ex still loves you.

“Then why is he breaking up with me?” This is a legitimate question, which the Dumper never could answer in a way that the Dumpee understands it.

There are some more stupid phrases in the same category:

  • “I will always love you”
  • “I’m always there for you”
  • “I have loved you so much”
  • “You are and always will be someone special to me”
  • “I don’t want to lose you”

These are all terrible statements you really don’t want to hear from your Ex who’s breaking up with you.

4. “I am simply not the relationship-type”

This is sort of a classic one.

People have written me that they’ve heard this one after several years of being together. With this background, such a sentence is only a slap in the face, and an insult.

5. “I am not good enough for you”

This is usually followed by, “You deserve better than me”.

This one, while also meant to give comfort, accomplishes the opposite.

6. “I need time to think”

The next thing you are going to hear after this is usually, “We should take a time-out”.

This happens a lot and is almost always a sign of cowardice: The dumper had the plan to break up, but pulled the plug. Instead they are postponing the problem, on the cost of the one left behind. The following “time-out” will be hell for them: they don’t know whether they have been dumped or not. The uncertainty is just unbearable.

In this case, I recommend for you to reply: “I don’t want a time-out.  You have to decide right away whether you want to continue the relationship or not!”

7. “That’s life!”

Yes, life means making experiences, the good and the ugly – but I don’t need YOU to tell me this during the break up, dear Dumper!

8. “I really don’t want to hurt you”

I’m sure you don’t want to hurt the one you’re breaking up with, but I’ve got news for you: You ALWAYS do.

It’s impossible to break up with someone without hurting. That’s a fact. All you can do is follow some rules and try to make it as graceful as possible.

This is of course difficult, but doable.

9. “I’m sure that I will regret this”

Now what’s that supposed to mean? Is this a hidden clue that it might later come to reconciliation?

While this is very often just an expression the Dumper throws in without thinking about it, the Dumpee will not forget it. In fact, this sole expression will most likely lead to harmful “overthinking”.

10. “I don’t know what I want”

This is very often an attempt to draw attention to themselves, hoping to distract from the horrible situation that is happening. If it’s followed by something like, “my life is a mess”, then the Dumper is trying to be pitiful.

They don’t know what they want, but they still want to break up.

Don’t play this game.

Conclusion

If you are the Dumper, then please avoid sentences like this. I’m sure they are said with the best intentions, but they can only do harm to the person left behind.

Plan ahead what you are going to say, be clear in your intention and leave no doubt. This is the best you can do.

If you are the Dumpee and your Ex throws sentences like this at you, try to not take them to heart. Ignore them the best you can.

All the information you need is that your partner wants to break up with you, as painful as that might be.

The best you can do is to forget everything they say while breaking up, how they say it is not relevant. The consequences of it are hard enough to deal with – don’t burden yourself with the details.

Now it’s your turn: What have you heard from your Ex that you really hated? Please list those phrases in the comment section.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

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311 Responses to 10 Things You Don’t Want To Hear From Your Ex

  1. Jen March 2, 2013 at 8:37 pm #

    Wow. 7 out of 10.

    And to think he was always the one who started all the talks about marriage, building a family, growing old together, and having beautiful kids.

    I really thought he was the one, then he got cold-feet or whatever crap that was just 3 months before the day, then left with nothing but those 7 things you mentioned above. He still sent me text even after I made it clear that I need total break and space to heal, he asked things like, “Are you still living at your flat? Did you move to (a city that I’ve always want to live in)? How do you feel?” But the most shitty thing was this question: “Do you feel happy now?” For a full week I needed to restrain myself from NC to saying every harsh words and curse that appeared on my mind. But I managed to do completely nothing.

    I think I’m a bit calmer now (it’s been a little more than a month since the breakup and about 3 weeks NC), but sometimes I still feel like setting his shitty ass in fire.

  2. alex March 3, 2013 at 11:20 am #

    i want you to find someone else,you should give people the chance, that hurt because he was saying he was not jealous any
    more like he used to be and that basically he wanted me off his back. i was not bothering
    him at all after the break up in fact it was him called and came to see me.
    it was like he totally had no more feelings for me.

    I think the truth was he had found someone else and was obviously smitten with her
    then.
    he also said horrible things like you know im not very good to be around for very long.
    and when i told him i had met someone too now he said he was glad i had someone.
    dont believe them after only 4 months they say they love you trust me they really dont.
    it was too easy for him to just stop contact when he met this new one. all contact from him
    stopped dead, yet when we had broke up not a week went by without him being in touch
    for one thing or the other. it hurt that he didnt want to know me anymore.
    we agreed to still be friends and he would come to see me but after a week nothing and i
    just knew he truly was not interested in me any more. so i changed my number for my sake and have had to move on. i do not contact him at all but thoughts are there every day
    and i feel sad too its been 9 months how sad is that.
    he really is not worth my pain i know that but i enjoyed being with him he was my friend.
    and its that i miss really.

  3. Div March 3, 2013 at 3:20 pm #

    My man says breakup is for ‘our good’. If it is for ‘our’ good then why can’t I see that goodness? How can cutting down a relationship with a person you love the most be ever ‘good’ ?

  4. Geet March 4, 2013 at 12:15 pm #

    He said all these sentences except the 9th one.. Just now removed him from my friend list. It’s been more than 3 months and I don’t want to feel dis pathetic way anymore.. I know it will take tym. it won’t happen overnight bt eventually everything vl b all right ! keep the faith ! :)

  5. Kelly March 4, 2013 at 2:38 pm #

    “You’ll find someone better.”
    - Are you kidding me? I was with you because I thought you were the best thing to happen to me and I don’t want to even think about being with someone else myself let alone have you say it.

    “I’m too stressed with everything and I wanted to do this now before I completely ruin the friendship.”
    - Oh okay so you’re already seeing this as a friendship? Makes me wonder how long you’ve been thinking about this before you actually had the balls to do it.

    “I still want to talk to you, whenever you’re ready.”
    - You REALLY shouldn’t leave this up to me. I want to see you and speak to you all the time, just like I have been through the relationship. Any bloke should give the girl space by telling them they will leave them alone for a while, not by saying this.

    • DK May 2, 2013 at 9:48 am #

      OMFG so I’ve been broken up over a year and the ex who refused to talk to me after a harsh break-up because I was feeling emotions at the time, messaged me recently telling me she wants to be friends, but when I’m ready, have moved on and will no longer bring up the past. Although she cheated on me and then manipulated me at the end of the relationship and never let me talk to her about it to begin with, and now she’s telling me she wants to be friends when I’ve gotten over it to the point I won’t feel the need to talk about it… On top of that she’s tried talking to me before in a similar manner after avoiding me for weeks after the initial break-up, when I finally gave up, months later she contacted me and suggested she was giving me space and when “I” was ready she wants to be friends. Some people are ridiculous

      • Amy August 14, 2013 at 11:20 pm #

        Lets see:
        We can still be friends.
        You deserve someone better, less of a jerk like me.
        I know I will regret this
        I have so much good things going on in my career and dream that I don’t have time (for a relationship)
        You will be great, I know it.

        I’m on 9th day of NC. There are times almost every day that I want to talk to him, but I have control over my desire to contact him now.
        We were together for almost 3 years. We were happy. He got a cold feet or whatever and chickened out when I became this person who’s very negative, low self esteem, no confidence, dependent, self destructive emotional mess. I was getting worse and worse everyday cuz I felt like I was trying so hard to get a better job but couldn’t and things weren’t going as I planned.
        On the other hand, he was doing well and almost too well that he became a workaholic and had no time for me and the dog… So I got mad at him and instead of I don’t know, comfort me he said that I wasn’t supportive and understanding of his passion and dream that’s becoming a reality. So that’s also the reason he broke up with me. I was supportive in my own way, I took care of our puppy, I cleaned and planned dinner and other things around his schedule cuz I knew he was working hard and he wanted to achieve his dream, but I was resentful towards him whenever he had business dinners and weekend appointments with his partner. I was supportive in a way I listened to how his work was going, encouraged him, understood what he was talking about and gave my two cents.
        But at the end he wanted a girl who understood him.
        All his friends and family liked me a lot. And I like them too.
        I truly think he doesn’t know what he’s missing out on, and I know whatever he said when we broke up was BS. I know he’s gonna come back.

  6. Marie March 4, 2013 at 3:06 pm #

    Please allow me to add:

    As dumper or dumpee: Don’t tell someone that you never loved them. And, don’t go trashing old memories. You may be a precious part of their life, don’t destroy it. Let them heal and let them be able to remember the good times and not feel like they wasted their life away.

    There is nothing more difficult than someone ransacking the relationship to get rid of it.

    Respect that there were good things in the relationship and, in time, you will remember them again. Those memories may help you to be a better person.

    • LADEE March 12, 2013 at 11:51 am #

      you’re right about that. Its what I always treasure. The good memories we had when we are still together.. Thanks for that comment of yours..

    • Letting go is a GREAT thing January 14, 2014 at 7:23 pm #

      What great advice!!! I 100% agree with you. Why trash the relationship after, I mean, you guys had great memories at one point so why not just walk away will good thoughts, good intentions, good feelings, heads up high and say…tomorrow is a new day, tomorrow will be a great day, tomorrow is another day closer to finding the “right” one for me, tomorrow I will be a happier me! BE CONTENT with the situation you’re in and you’ll be okay!

  7. Chantal March 6, 2013 at 9:32 pm #

    Without any obvious warnings, like no fighting and him saying I was the love of his life every morning for over two years, I get a text from him saying that he took his stuff and is leaving…that he hit a wall, needs to find himself and I deserve so much better. **can you see my eyes rolling** ?

    I also got the famous: If you need anything, I’m here for you.

    I needed you to work on us and if you can’t do that and you are leaving me, what the hell else can you do for me ?

    I told him that I would not contact him and that when it’s over, it’s over. He left on January 17th and I have had no contact since February 7th.

    It is still very hard since there was no fights, no arguments and he would tell me every morning that he loved me and that he would take care of me.

    I honestly think that if I saw him, I would kick him. How can people be so selfish ?

    I ordered Eddie’s book and will abide by it. I have been NC for a while, but will take care of writing in the journal and listen to the audio. Hope this works !!

    • Jen March 7, 2013 at 6:16 pm #

      Chantal: Same here, no contact since February 7. Every day is a great struggle but everytime I think about what he did to me, I managed to pull myself together. Hang in there. :)

      • Chantal March 7, 2013 at 7:44 pm #

        Thank you Jen,

        I hope I can muster up that anger soon. I too struggle everyday … if only that tape of us would stop playing in my head, things would be better.

        Hang in there too :)

  8. Jen March 8, 2013 at 1:37 pm #

    Well..We broke up more than 6 months ago after dating for 4 years.
    Now, I’m doing the No Contact Rule to him. I still keep being friends with him and he said he still loved me, still wanted to take care for me and had sex.

    I don’t know why he said he loved me but he left me away. I don’t want to be friends with him after a lot of pain, wounds. I’ve tried to think that our relationship was over and nothing else between us but whenever he talked to me, I was so happy, like we’re a couple now.

    After 3 days of the No contact rule, I’ve realized that I still loved him, I still wanna be with him. How difficult it is when I check his facebook over 100 times a day and it’s so terrible if I see another girl comment on his facebook.

    need some advice :(

    • Jen March 9, 2013 at 7:10 am #

      Hang in there. Try your best not to be alone. I am now living off two luggages. My friends lend me a single bed at their apartment and I moved out of my flat, giving up almost half of my wardrobe. I don’t have a single piece of furniture now, but it’s worth it cause I need to heal. Being around people help me to pull myself together.

      The first month will be just hell. Might as well prepare yourself for that. I am now at my second and I am still struggling every day, but I cry less. This morning I woke up and the first thing in my mind was my deadline at work. I think it’s a good sign.

      Good luck. :)

    • Em March 22, 2013 at 3:34 am #

      You are making a big mistake keeping contact with him. He is a manipulator. Stop communicating with him. Like he said you deserve better

  9. Jen March 9, 2013 at 3:13 pm #

    Thank a lot for giving advice.
    He’s trying to call and message me. Last night he sent me a message :” If you don’t reply my message, I’ll be worried”. Then, I was so confused and my friend said I shouldn’t reply any message during the No contact rule period. If he truly, he will come to my house and see what happened with me:)

    I try to focus on my study and deadline but still miss him a lot at night but I don’t cry anymore ’cause everything between us’s over :(

    His birthday’s at the end of March so I wonder whether I should call him for birthday wishes or not. If I call him, I will break the rule after only 23 days.

    • Rita January 14, 2014 at 4:14 pm #

      please dont call him ,respect and love your self

  10. Jen March 9, 2013 at 3:14 pm #

    *if he truly cares*

    • Jen March 9, 2013 at 6:14 pm #

      Ask these questions to yourself:

      Even if he does, will he want to fix the situations between you two, as in getting back together as a couple?

      Even if he wants to get back together, would you want to accept him after everything he did, after all the pain?

      Think about the pain and the consequences of prolonging the pain. It helped me a lot. Everytime I thought about the pain, I got the strength to tell myself, “No, you don’t wanna go back.”

      As for the birthday greeting, after 23 days see how far you’ve come, how great the effort you took to get there, and ask yourself: is this worth it?

  11. Jen March 10, 2013 at 2:27 am #

    Thank you a lot :)
    I think I’ve found the answer for myself. I might still love him but I don’t think we can be a couple anymore ’cause of the time he left me behind. I think I can forgive but never forget so it can’t lead us to be a couple anymore.

    I deactive my facebook today ’cause I don’t want to check his facebook over 100 times a day and see he’s still be okay without me, hanging out with his friends and have a lots fun.

    You’re as much stronger than me. I guess :)

    • Jen March 10, 2013 at 2:36 pm #

      I wish I could say that about myself.

      I’m not strong. In fact, I’m crying now. Hang in there, Jen. *speaking to both you and me* :D

  12. Jen March 10, 2013 at 4:32 pm #

    Don’t cry girl >:D<
    We're stronger than we think, specially at this time.
    Because of your supportive comments, I feel much better today. I'm sorry if you're in this difficult situation, but let think that they broke up with us because their time in our storie is over and we deserve someone better, who treat us like a princess:P

    5 days of No contact rule, it's still hard and painful but I strongly believe in this method can bring me back in time, stay happy and love someone else again :)

    Don't cry because it's over, smile because it's happened.

    Actually, Jen is not my nickname. I don't want someone who can find out who I am on this page so I chose another name and I was surprise when I saw your nickname on these comments above :P

    • Jen March 10, 2013 at 4:47 pm #

      One of my friends even said, “You inspire me, you’re very strong.” Little did they know I still cry almost every single day. I just don’t want to be too much of a burden to anyone, even though they are my friends. Maybe it’s an Asian thing. :D

      Well, “Jen”, if you ever wanna share, or talk about anything, I’m all ears.

      • Sarah March 11, 2013 at 7:56 pm #

        Haha im Asian too, and I do feel the same way, i dont want to keep talking about my break up over and over again to all my friends (while i kind of do). I want to be that kind of tough girl, thats like i am an incredible person and if you cant see that than thats your problem. So i keep on acting like i am to everybody. That i am just fine and over it ( while i am obviousmy not) The funny thing is I kind of started to feel like that strong person now ( day 12 of nc)

        Maybe thats the key, keep acting it untill it comes true :p

        • Jen March 11, 2013 at 8:25 pm #

          Sarah: in that case, I’ll need to act some more. :)) It’s funny huh, this pride thingy. I guess we’re just born with this default setting, but sometimes denial gets in the way too much.

          Jen: I would love to! Thing is… How to give my email address without exposing it here? Tricky tricky…

        • Em March 22, 2013 at 3:36 am #

          I agree with you 100%.

      • ann March 16, 2013 at 6:16 am #

        doing same. pretend i am okay when im outside.

  13. Jen March 11, 2013 at 11:49 am #

    Well.. You also inspire me a lot dear :)
    I cried 2 weeks ago and I promised with myself that I’d not cry for him anymore :)
    I’m here to listen for you too so if you wanna share, give me your email address so I can send email to you directly :)

  14. John March 12, 2013 at 6:47 am #

    Thank you all for this information and input. I think I do have a somewhat of a different situation and I would very much appreciate someone’s viewpoint and input on what is going on.

    Having met the the teenage school girl of my dreams now both in our 50ies I was ecstatic for months. Believe it or not, found her on FaceBook and we got together for some great times that lasted only a month or two.

    We are both divorced with grand kids and here I am – falling in love with my teenage dream and we had wonderful times together that were intense and emotional – and yes made lots of love.

    Before we had time to put our agreed plans into action she writes me and says “I can’t contintue anymore. I have thought it through and don’t want to anymore for the moment – maybe later”.

    We are chatting and are friends on FB and she leaves me hanging with the concept that there is a chance again in the future – but she does not want to make any plans or promises.

    Now – to make it even more challenging, she just wanted to go on another fun vacation with me together with some more friends. She does not mind sharing the same hotel room and bed like we used to – but would not commit to make love. We would only be “friends”!?

    I wonder how any other guy would feel when it is like “you are allowed to look at the candy and stick you hand in the box – but you can NOT have anything”!

    You women out there having done this or know of such situation – what is going on in her mind?

    I was ready to change my life plans and they are now on hold and I can’t really move forward.

    She says “there are always opportunities around the corner”. Is that implication that I should move on and look for someone else?

    I can’t figure out if I should just cut her off for good or not and not let her hurt me any more. It’s like she wants to have time to think it over while she maybe is looking for somebody else.

    I’ve been beating myself up and gone through blame shame and regret and wondering what I did or said wrong – while there maybe was nothing. She even says I didn’t and there was nothing I said or did that made her change her mind.

    She even said that “we had it just perfect, but my gut feeling changed and my heart and the brain and the stomach are not synchronized.” (What is that supposed to mean?)

    Why does she want to leave me hanging and not telling me what really made her change her mind?

    Is it worth playing the “cat and mouse game” and hope that she would take me back?

    And you thought that love was only complicated in your teens and mid life? Try being alone when you have a few years left before retirement and considering dying alone.

    Looking forward to hear from those who have time and care to give me some input.

  15. ladee March 12, 2013 at 12:00 pm #

    well, he broke up with me 2 years ago. He told me those words above when he’s breaking up with me. Its very difficult for me to move on because he was my co-worker. And there is no chance for me not to talk with him because of work. He just left the company mid last year. and i told to myself that I will be strong. and months passed by, i focused on my work. then yesterday, he went here in our office to bid goodbye because he will work abroad. its the 1st time I saw him again. I dont know how to react. But I still said “good luck” and congrats to him. It all comes back. All the memories, the happy days and as well as the heartaches. :( and now, im stuck again with the same old me who wanted him so badly.

    what shall i do?

  16. bill March 14, 2013 at 1:30 am #

    okay, first of all: Is there anything that you can say that won’t be considered “a dumb thing to say”?

    I mean, at least for a few of these, there are situations in which the person would actually mean it, not just say it to feel less blameful.

    I mean, my first instinct would probably be to write a detailed letter saying something like this:

    Dear x,
    I have known you for ~ 0yr 8 mn 5 d, and recently I have once again reevaluated the effects and nature of the complex relationship between you and me, and, as may have been foreseen, there is no such thing as perfection.
    However, I worry about having a responsibility to not hurt other people, and seeing a negative trend in my own satisfaction, I would like to issue this statement as a warning regarding the situation. It is not in any ways a personal attack (however, I will warn that, when I am feeling irritated, I may engage in possibly hurtful criticisms.)
    I would like a similar analysis in return, and possibly your own recommendations.

    [explanation of possible reasons for a lack of satisfaction]
    [discussion of likely results in the future]
    If the status quo stays as is, I shall say that I hope you would not be surprised if I were to do things such as running away without saying anything, hiding, doing absolutely nothing, or pushing away.

    Lastly, I would very much like to thank you for every kind act you have shared with me, and all of your willingness to do things. I feel vaguely sorry, and rather grateful, and would like to say that, given the chance to change my choices in the past, I would do the same as I have done. I live my entire life with the knowledge that one day I will die, and, however much it might sound nice to believe in everlasting love, all evidence points to this result being rather unlikely for me in particular. Therefore, I do things like these with an expectation that it will not be entirely permanent, in one way or another.
    I do view the end result as very positive, for I have learnt a great deal about life.
    i also am grateful for the availability of hugs & such forms of contact – they are more valuable to me than money as far as my needs to remain in health.

    • Tash March 30, 2013 at 3:15 am #

      Excellent point Bill & a very well written break up. I’m sure it would be a lot easier receiving a letter like this (lol)

  17. LT March 14, 2013 at 3:56 pm #

    “Lately, when we hang out, I see you more as a friend than a girlfriend.” Wow, that made me feel special.

    “It’s too bad, because I really like your friends.” My friends had nothing to do with our relationship! Made me feel like he’d miss my friends as a “benefit” of us dating.

    The classic, “I still want to be friends.” This is all from the same guy. Needless to say, I turned that offer down and have completely taken him out of my life as much as I can (Facebook, phone #, etc.). Clean break with no hope of rekindling at all on my side.

  18. Edsil March 18, 2013 at 11:17 pm #

    Am happy to find this article and seriously most of the thing in here it feels like the story of my life.

    the things that i hate after cheating on me twice even the second one want admit it as cheating cause it happen on the 3 day after we were on break the best rated answer that till today keep rolling in my head is.

    ”You i love you but him i like him” and it was a mistake i had a crush on him he was a fantasy now he means nothing.
    ”its not you its me”
    her sister best answer ”maybe because your the only one she knew”

    anyway my story goes back 5 years back and still this is my first time am letting in it out in front of millions cause cant deny it anymore i need help

  19. Beckie March 19, 2013 at 5:12 am #

    My ex partner I was with for 2 and half years.
    Everything was perfect, apart from the few minor disagreements here and there.

    Every day I was told I was loved, I was his future, I was amazing.
    I was the best he’d ever had.

    We, was happy, so I presumed!
    Then one day, he Decided to walk to College hand in hand telling me how much he loved me.
    Within Half an hour of being in College he said ‘He needed time to think’ which, made me think, I’ll give him a few hours, which turned to weeks, months,
    That was March, 2011.
    2 Years on, until this very day, I still don’t know why we broke up, although I am no upset, and I came back stronger than ever.
    I will probably never know the ‘real’ reason why he broke up with me so suddenly.

    But what he’s really done, is a huge favour.
    Yes, he hurt me. But he me what hurt is, so I can appreciate love so much more.
    He has made me stronger.
    I’m now in a 1 year Relationship.

    - Don’t waste your time on the wrong person, because you’ll never find the right one.
    Times the greatest healer.
    Took me 6 – 7 months and I was myself again. :) xx

  20. bah March 21, 2013 at 8:02 am #

    I got a really confusing email yesterday out of the blue, after about a month of nc. It was weird and I got the feeling it was to help him try to alleviate his guilt while simultaneously telling my I was amazing but we shouldn’t be together (reaffirming his choice). I didn’t ask or talk to him and I was so upset, I shut it down immediately. “You’re great but I still don’t want you” is far from the empowering message i’m looking for, and no information is useful right now.

  21. Dima March 23, 2013 at 1:06 pm #

    Lmao, I had a drawn out break-up over a 2 week period with my ex of almost two years which happened at the same time I was going through a lot of family issues with people being sick and one shortly passing away and at the time my ex hit FIVE out of the TEN listed below. My Ex recently contacted me and still wants to be friends, while putting down constraints such as we can’t talk about the past… I told her either leave me alone or there will be questions I want answered, when she disagreed I told her to just leave me be and she told me to “f-cking get over myself” and later said she’s done “apologizing and pitying me” She cheated on me leading to the break-up and never did more then pick up a phone and tell me she can’t talk to me after the break-up I don’t understand how any of that qualifies as pity or why she keeps telling me about how she feels.

  22. Jbabs April 11, 2013 at 11:44 pm #

    My fiancé broke up with me about 4 months ago. 6 months before we were to get married. His reasoning was he wasn’t mature enough to handle a relationship of this magnitude, he loves me but he isn’t in love with me, he needs to just focus on school only school and nothing else and he wouldn’t be able to give me what I needed in this relationship because school would be too busy for him.

    As I was walking out the door he said “This isn’t goodbye, maybe someday in the future I will find you and I know I will have to work hard at it because I hurt you so much but there may be a chance.” He has also stated that to our mutual friends.

    I haven’t had any problems with wanting to contact him seeing as it is the best thing I can do for myself. I still have a great relationship with his parents which he knows and we share mutual friends. He hasn’t bothered contacting me at all out of respect for my feelings, I guess. I think about him constantly and still cry sometimes. I keep re-playing everything over and over in my head what he said while I was walking out the door. How can you tell if somebody is sincere about something like that? Obviously we both know it was a relief for him that things were over but why would he say something like that. I am confused I know I have to move on but that little tinge of hope he said will always stick with me.
    I mean if I really wanted to break up with sombody I wouldn’t say that.

    • CMW April 24, 2013 at 9:37 pm #

      My fiance broke up with me in a similar fashion. We had been engaged and living together. His family lives in a different country and he kept stating he needed to see them. It had been 8 years. I had been married before him with children. He was involved with me and my girls. I would not beg him to stay and instead told him he should go. He told me he wasn’t mature enough right now to handle “family life”, told me daily he loved me and still does. He said he needed to focus on his building his business. He also said looking in my eyes. (tears in his) “this is not goodbye, I will find my way back to you”

      I did not end contact but now have endured 1 year of an unfilling long distance relationship that has practically drove me nuts.

      I think he really wanted time to himself. I do not understand why he could of left either. He said he loves my children like they are his. I have argued, tried to understand and I cannot.

      I think the best thing to do is move on without this person. I didn’t give up. I held on to hope for so long. I realize now I need to find my own life in my own way and in my own time. I do not care right now if he begged me to be with him. I am staying strong and away from him. Maybe this time is meant to reflect on ourselves and our own values.

      I want to throw the ring at his head or deep, deep in the ocean. I think of all his promises and realize most are unfilled. Have you thought of that?

      We were together for 4.5 years.

      • Jbabs April 24, 2013 at 11:09 pm #

        I am trying to give up my hope and move on…… but I say that to myself when I know deep down inside of me I still hold on to a little hope that we will be together or he will find me in the future. I just don’t understand why he would say ‘I still have hope for us in the future” or “This isn’t good-bye” Does that mean they still are in love with us? Or just confused? Or what?

        I haven’t had any contact with him. I suppose the best way for him to see what he is missing is just by getting my career started, exercising, hanging out with friends and startin gmy own life. Im trying to reflect on myself and my values but he is on my mind all the time! He hasn’t even tried contacting me he said because it probably isn’t best right now due to both our emotions.
        I have thought about making my ring into a necklace but then again… He said he wanted the ring back so one day he could give it to me in the future or make it bigger…… Obvisouly Im not giving it back to him but again WHY would he say that??

        I just don’t get it. We had a great relationship, we laughed we had fun together. now all I can remember are the positive times that we had and I completely forgot about the negative times we had. I just don’t believe our relationship was that BAD.
        I do believe that after the honeymoon phase is over then people think that the relationship is over when in actuality it is just reaching a new level of intimacy, but a lot of people don’t realize that and they just cut everything off. I feel that might have happened in my realtionship.

        • CMW April 25, 2013 at 7:50 pm #

          I would give the ring back in a second. I love it. But I think that it did not mean what it was suppose to in my opinion. I had worn it off and of for the past year just on the other hand. It was not a single diamond so people do not assume its and engagement ring. Everytime we stop talking (its been a year since he left the country) he or I go back to it. We have not really been apart. This is just Day 2 or no contact for me. I wrote down like it says in the book the reasons I want to not contact him. I put them in the notepad in my phone and force myself to read them. The last time we spoke I said to him. I need things to change in order for us to continue to communicate. I made a list of things. They in my opinion were simple. A weekly chat on Skype (or date like watch a tv show). One daily email that was intimate about us etc and maybe a weekly webcam that just showed part of our life apart. He said he wasn’t sure if he could commit to that right now. He said I have a problem with keeping a schedule. With that I saved the message and decided his words are really his words. Nothing more. No reading into anything. Most men say what they mean. There is no HUGE game. I am reading also Its Called a Breakup Because it is Broken. It helps a little. I want to be happy. When I really look back I haven’t been in a while. Have you? Were you so overjoyed with the way you were being treated? I cannot say I have no hope. I am saying for now I am doing this for me. Because if he does decide to come back I will have a different standard for myself. I won’t be a lovesick fool. But a woman with strength and a firm understanding of what I won’t tolerate!!!!! Sending you a hug and kiss!! We will get thru this!!

  23. The "dumper" April 12, 2013 at 8:49 pm #

    Yes, I’m the “dumper” in almost all of my relationships. I recently had to let go of my 1 year relationship. Let me tell you, even though I was the dumper, I still feel hurt and pain each and every time I brake up with my exes. I go through all of what was mentioned in all of Eddie’s articles about brake ups. Why is that? It should be easier for me to move on, but it’s not.

  24. Jbabs April 15, 2013 at 2:34 am #

    Maybe it isn’t easy for you to move on because you have truly found somebody you are in love with and see your self with in the future, and you are not sure if you want to be with them or not so you just break up with them. You maybe be hoping that they wait around for you even if you do break up with. You are probably somebody who wears their heart on their sleve. If you don’t mind me asking what are the reasons behind your breakups?

    • The "dumper" April 15, 2013 at 3:30 pm #

      I’m a very caring and loving person by nature. I hate hurting people, especially the people that I care and love the most. Yes, I do love this person and I do see a future with us but somehow it just seem impossible. No, usually when I breakup with someone, I never expected them to wait around for me because that would be unfair. The reasons for the breakups, to put it short…empty promises, words with no actions.

      • Jbabs April 15, 2013 at 7:05 pm #

        It seems like if you love this person and you do see a future then what would be the point of breaking up. If it “seems” impossible to be with this person and you believe it is impossible then it will be impossible. If you really want to be with this person then start thinking it may be possible. I believe all issues can be worked and some things are just worth fighting for. Maybe all you guys need is your space. To me, from your comments it seems like you are the one ready for a relationship and the other is not. And if that is the case then it was a good thing you broke up because who wants to be with a person who only shares empty promises and words with no actions. But if they are really willing to change and work on it then Id say give it another try.

        From my experience I was the person in my relationship who wanted to make things work and I would have tried so hard. But as much as I tried, my partner did not lift a finger and obvisouly it didn’t work out. So you guys have to be in it together it can’t be one sided. I’d say if you are really feeling unsure about breaking it off then just go talk to this person and see where they are really coming from.

        • The "dumper" April 16, 2013 at 7:34 pm #

          Both of us are actually IN LOVE with each other very much. We both want a future together. So you are right, what is the point of breaking it off but at times there are just so much pain.

          • Jbabs April 16, 2013 at 8:41 pm #

            If you are in love then there is no point not to be together. Love can be painful but it only makes your relationship stonger I believe. It can’t be happy and butterflys all the time. You all should just go for it, start fresh. If it doesn’t work out in the end at least you guys know you tried

      • Anna April 16, 2013 at 1:50 am #

        Maybe you need to complete with this person. You seem to be okay with your actions and been lazy after that. Their excuses you are making for an action you have taken and now making excuses for the consequences of them.

        • The "dumper" April 16, 2013 at 7:42 pm #

          I’m okay because I force myself to be. I don’t know if this is a sad thing or not but I’m 32 years old and I can honestly say I have never been in love until now. So, yes at times I do make excuses just because I really don’t know what to do or think.

  25. sheila April 15, 2013 at 5:34 am #

    My boyfriend left me several weeks ago. I thought things were going fine. I had just asked are we ok? And he said , ” I think were great”.. that was the last time he was at my house until the day he came to break up which was two days later. His reasoning.. He’s no good at relationships, he gets close and panics and runs . He said it had begun a month prior , he felt it happening but tried to dismiss it. He left that day almost running backwards , tears , saying im sorry. I had no idea what had happened or wny. He agreed to come back and talk to me later. Just the way he came in and said hello like i was no one important to him was heart wrenching. He stayed for 2 hours trying to explain , trying to give me “closure”.. I asked a million questions. I got all the above ..”Its not you , you did nothing wrong , its me”, “I love you , i probably love you more than i even loved my ex wife when we got married “.. “I dont know what the future holds i just know how i feel right now”, ” I dont want to have to worry about anyone else , i want to be able to go out or travel for work without worrying about having to answer to anyone or explain anything “. This man is 48 yrs old. Married for 18 yrs then cheated on. I tried to tell him that i understood his panic that i would be there , id give him space .. nothing mattered. I had seen immediately prior to the breakup some things on his obsessed ex girlfriends face book page that sure seemed like they were seeing one another .. I wish i could unsee them because i see them in my mind all the time. Question is he lying. He says it had nothing to do with her , that he didnt do the things she said , ” He was out of town with work at the time but the things mentioned being serenaded with a song on her voicemail, ( he used to do that to me) and “he” made my valentines really great as a woman, she says.. whatever that means. Then she begins putting up pics of him in her house painting.. he told me he painted that wall a long time ago when they dated and he has no idea why she’s putting the things she is on her page and that he told her to stop .. she did mention something about a confrontation. That next day was the breakup… He said its just these kinds of things that he cant deal with . So her posting things and me asking (which i felt i had a right to do ) caused him to break up with me.? It was strange to me that the time he started feeling that flight feeling was while out of town in february , around the time she started posting . He left me with so many mixed feelings and i sat around allowing my mind to go crazy and convinced myself that everything in the two hours here and the hour on the phone two days later he told me were lies .. that he was cheating and lying and in set more pain and grief. You start asking why? Why her.. he gave me 100 reasons he woud never be with her again. .. So im left with not really knowing if she was coniving and trying to cause problems or if he’s a liar .. all i know is im still in a terrible place .. a depression i cant seem to pull out of . All of this happened so fast .. and it was so easy for him. He left me wondering and thinking like all the things above said there may be a chance down the road by saying if i ever want to be in a relationship it would be with you, you gave me more than anyone. So my feelings are all over the place. I have no one to talk to , no one wants to hear it .. i cry everyday and cant function .. and im really scared that im never going to feel better. I suffer from depression in general although normally its not an issue.. Ive been unemployed and stressed although he actually made my predicament seem brighter just by being around… i was happier than id been in so long.. but pulling the plug the way he did , leaving all the questons he did.. ive sunk pretty deep. Im going to try to read everything i can here to help myself .. if anyone ever wants to talk or listen please let me know.

    • Jbabs April 15, 2013 at 7:15 pm #

      I kinda went through the same exact thing. Kinda feeling like this person you loved so much left you high and dry. Let me tell you the one thing that helped me the MOST was to block everybody on facebook that had anything to do with my ex, even blocking my ex! It is a very hard thing to do but facebook can be awful especailly in time of a breakup. You are just torturing yourself if you don’t do something about facebook. I cried everyday for months before I started feeling better. My ex also stated he still had hope for us in the future but he couldn’t be with me right now because he had to focus on school. Who knows what that means but you have to put that in the back of your head. It seems like this guy doesn’t know what he wants but wants to keep you in his life just in case things don’t work out. It will get better, I feel alittle better than I used to. But you shouldn’t talk to this guy. Something that I have learned……….. If the universe wants you all to be together then it will happen if not, there is nothing you can do about it. So best for now to just take care of yourself

  26. Lynette S. April 19, 2013 at 4:15 am #

    Speaking from experience, it is possible to be friends with an ex, but only after you have had sufficient time to heal. I was dumped by someone I cared a lot about. We didn’t talk or run into each other for over a year. When we did see each other again, it was easy to talk. We kept in touch until he died several months ago.

  27. Rebecca May 3, 2013 at 5:01 am #

    Wow 9/10. And they have hooked up with someone straight away.

  28. Toni May 9, 2013 at 8:03 am #

    Her words were you deserve someone better than me. You give me too much and I lost motivation to love you. I can’t give you the same love that you give me. 9 yrs. and you say it is too hard to love me back. What the hell does that mean anyways? I was her support through her going back to school, taking care of our son and sole supporter in providing food and shelter. What is going on? What is she thinking? She found out she was pregnant with child from ex she did leave him to be with me. But we didn’t find out about the pregnancy until we were 1 month into the relationship. I stayed and helped raise our child together cuz I wanted this child. Anyways she is an alcoholic but I stood by her and protected her even when she was wrong. I could’ve left a long time ago. But I didn’t cuz for my sons sake. She is selfish, she makes me crazy when she tries to kill herself she knows this. I think she does this on purpose she knows I can’t quit her. I need to start 60 NC soon if not I will be in so much pain. I am already in so much pain right now. I don’t what I can do to stop killing myself. I have my family and friends so can’t be selfish. I need to be strong. I know I can be strong!!! Thank you’ll for your stories I can definitely relate to this it is so PAINFUL!!

  29. Ankita May 9, 2013 at 9:06 am #

    8/10 ! For three years, he is talking about marriage and kids and our beautiful life together, convinces my family and his after apologizing for breaking-up incorrectly, then families start talking about marriage (Indian culture :) ), and then after the marriage has been fixed and we are engaged, he says he won’t be able to keep me happy (all this – break-up, make-up and break-up happened in a span of two months! ). He is not sure if he will ever be ready for marriage! :-| I mean what the hell!
    I still, being a nice person at heart, had written him a mail wishing all good luck and happiness and forgiveness but then that’s what I receive in the reply..I have given him 1 year to live without me without wanting any kind of contact but I still wonder what he is thinking all the time..
    Please help me Eddie! :-(

  30. Doriana May 15, 2013 at 7:11 pm #

    I’ve only been in one relationship and he asked me “Are you okay with this?” while he was breaking up with me. I don’t understand why he would do that.

  31. redding May 16, 2013 at 11:48 am #

    Good list. My recent ex of three months said the bit about wanting to be friends. I agreed because at the moment I was just trying to hold on too. But During the last three months my ex has been making my life so miserable. Now here’s the kicker….he’s NOT trying to be all nice and supportive. He’s being a jerk! He has hot and cold episodes daily. One day he’s the man I fell for and an hour later he’s a timber number waiting to go off at ME and only ME.
    We work together so I try to be professional and I’m a kind person by nature. When I’m cordial to him he gets angry and accuses me of wanting him back and lashes out. Seems like he’s always trying to find a reason to make me out to be a bad person, but I think this is his way of dealing with his guilt and easing his conscience for ending things. He’s bitter and paranoid and a complete emotional storm to me. I told him that the way he acts is as tho I’M the one who broke up with HIM. I’m really tired of him accusing me of being kind only because I want him. He’s said this to me at least 10 times already. My response to him was that he needs professional help. I can see he is overehelmed with guilt, shame, and anger due to his divorce and his perceived thoughts about what his family and friends will say. So I guess the easy way out is to wipe me away so he doesn’t have to deal with the work of coming clean and healing from his own deception. I’m tired of him saying he has feelings for me and cares so much about me but yet he’s ashamed of me, himself, and us. I’m so over him acting and reacting negative at work. I need to be able to concentrate at work. I feel like he’s punishing or blaming me for his decisions. When I told him I was being nice because I’m nice and that I didnt want a relationship with him right now because he was emotionally unstable…. he got enraged and said I was lying. Then a few weeks later he tells me he might be interested in someone. I said I was shocked because he said he didnt wanna be in a relationship but yet hes talking to someone new so quickly BUT that i wish him happiness and success with this person that fits the mold of who he thinks his family will like. He yelled and said he knew i was gonna be upset about it and im lying and that i want him. I rolled my eyes and said I know he would be happy for me if he ended our relationship and i found someone else. He didnt say a word. I told him i care about him but right now i need peace. He wanted me to stop talking but i was mid sentence. He said if i didnt let him talk then we couldnt be friends and that theres no hope for a future possibility together. I said fine….and kept talking to tell him that he will be miserable until he deals with his guilt properly, starts learning to live his life for himself and not friends/family, and start taking responsibility for his mistakes. Also i told him if he cant treat me with respect than I cant speak to him at all….and ive told him about it so many times.
    Ok. Sorry i got distracted. My point is that it isnt always the case that the dumper tries to support the dumpee after breakup. Look at MY case! So confusing and frustrating.
    Has anyone experienced the dumper taking on the dumpee role after breakup????

  32. Asha May 16, 2013 at 11:43 pm #

    Really nice article..
    Even I too heard the all above.

    My ex said at the break up time that ‘He is really crying a lot, but there is no other way. He use to sleep for 12 to 14 hrs to forget this break up sadness. He really not interested to marry and live with some other one, but he has do that. Marry some other girl is really killing him, but for that we have break up. That is the only way he said .’ But I could not able to sleep like that, because of countless tears,memories and the words he used to tell at the time of break up. I think all of you know how the pain is. Its almost 6 months of break up. Now I am convincing myself and going forward with my life.

  33. Jbabs May 17, 2013 at 1:32 am #

    Well today is the day! In long searching for answers I finally got one. My Ex and I have mutual friends together. Today I learned that not only after he said to me “I still have hope for us in the future and this isn’t goodbye” He has no intention of us ever getting back together. Everything he stated while I was walking out the door was a LIE and he only said those things to make himself feel better. I am devested once again! In a way I did have hope because he said all those things now I just look like the fool who believed him.

  34. Farnam May 17, 2013 at 8:46 pm #

    I am really shocked after reading this post,
    Because when my Ex was breaking up with me, he said all these 10 phrases!!!!!!
    I do believe any word of you Eddie.

    • Eddie Corbano May 17, 2013 at 9:33 pm #

      I am sorry to hear that… that he said ALL 10 to you I mean.

  35. Shelly June 26, 2013 at 8:31 am #

    My ex took the chicken way out, blaming me for everything instead of taking ownership of his feelings. After several rounds of “it’s not me it’s you” from him I realized no contact was the best way to end the blame game. I made mistakes for sure but he seems to want to make me out to be this horrible person who lied and used him and planned to ditch him all along. I guess that’s what he is telling himself but its not true. No contact has helped me so much. Every day that goes by I feel stronger and more sure of myself instead of attacked verbally and confused. No contact ends the drama and mind games. It is a favor to yourself! Thanks Eddie and everyone, this site has helped me so much.

  36. Dumped August 30, 2013 at 6:06 am #

    She said, “You are everything and more that I could ever hope for in a man, but only on paper.” She also said that she only ever saw me as a friend, even though we were intimate for a year. She didn’t love me, but she really, really, really liked me and hoped we would be great friends, yet she cut me completely out of her life.

    • Eddie Corbano August 30, 2013 at 9:26 am #

      I am very sorry to hear that… please read through the articles on this site, you will find help and consolation.

      Your friend,
      Eddie

  37. Venks October 28, 2013 at 4:29 pm #

    Eddie! Mine is a same gender break-up story. I was dumped for the reason my ex went abroad and he was “not able to see me suffering far off” and so broke up.. Isn’t this funny?
    Guess what, he said 8 out of the 10 things you have mentioned above!!!! And they were providing consolation for me “for that moment” but later those same words haunted me and ended up depressing me, just the way you have mentioned!
    Still I am terribly fighting the urges to call him. I end up calling him and leaving voicemails to him. He never calls back. I don’t know why I am doing this, hurting myself. His number is in my memory. How do I erase memories? I have deleted his number in mobile phonebook but memory is too strong to delete :(((((

    • jazz1j November 7, 2013 at 2:31 am #

      I have felt like you do right now. Basically you are fighting a addiction caused by high levels of serotonin that is released when you feel euphoria … think of when you first was with your partner, how you felt. The butterflies in your stomach, them constantly in your thoughts, it is a feeling of ‘high’. When you break up with somebody those high levels of serotonin that have flooded your body start to return to normal levels and leave you feeling almost desperate to get your next fix which can only be provided by the object or person who caused your body to release the extra serotonin. So you have to go cold turkey and stop any contact with him or her so that the ‘need’ gets less and less … give your body a chance to stabilise itself and to let your body stabilise your emotions. No contact, cold turkey, hard, takes sometimes a long period of time there are no hard and fast rules of when you will feel better but as somebody who went thru hell after the split I can say you will find it easier after time especially if there is no contact. If it is meant to be let it play out, if they want to reconcile let them make the move but set firm boundaries but don’t sit there in the meantime hoping for the phone to ring. Get it in your mind it is over and begin the cold turkey period and heal. Good luck and stay strong.

      • Venks November 10, 2013 at 8:46 pm #

        Hi Jazz1j
        What you have said is 100% true and I am realising them now. Yes, those butterflies, I badly wanted them, since I was addicted to him lol. But, I have been in no contact with him for the past 2 weeks and guess what? IT IS HELPING ME A LOT! :). The want and need for him has come down. I don’t have the urge to talk to him. I infact don’t feel like even listening to him. The racing heart feeling, deep breathing etc have come down a lot, which used to be there when I called him.. I am not expecting his call too.
        Thank you for your nice words! Hope you are doing fine too!
        I wish no one goes through these not so good feelings, but then it is part of life :(

  38. jazz1j November 7, 2013 at 2:12 am #

    My ex had the cheek to tell me it was hard for him too to let me go after 3 years! This was after a year of no contaact when he rang me out of the blue on the pretext to see how you are. He said I like to keep in contact with my exes after all just because we have split up does not mean I hate you why should I hate you it wasn’t your fault. Well that was very big of him, what a patronising twat and what staggered me was his surprise that I was still feeling very raw and hurt. Pull yourself together he told me. Needles to say I sent him a text afteerwards telling him never to contact me again! A total prat, a man who is unaware or reluctant to admit to himself the hurt he causes others. Still, I ought to have known better after all this is a person who has been married twice (andd of course it was never his fault the marriages ended). I was the best thing that had happened to him for a long time, I am a good catch and I know it and he passed up the chance and ruined a perfect opportunity to have shared a happy life with me. His choice and he can live with it I have moved on and find my joy from healing from the hurt, coming out the other side and learning from my own mistakes. The sky is blue again and my sun shines steadily everyday and I am happy I have arrived at this point again. xXx

  39. Sandy November 14, 2013 at 8:01 pm #

    My ex broke up with me with a Skype instant message. One of my favourite comments he made in his announcement was: ‘I’m so sorry for breaking up with you with an instant message.’

    The other one was the final line: ‘If you take me off of your Skype contact list, I’ll know not to contact you again but just know I’ll expect the same from you.’

    Okay now I’m laughing instead of crying because they are just such ridiculous things to say.

  40. mls November 24, 2013 at 4:31 pm #

    she said, we can still be friends. i said please give me some time to get over it before we talk about friendship. then she said we end like this not even friends? i said i just need some time, if you expect me to turn friends with you in a second that is just saying you didn’t take my love to your seriously. she said she did take it seriously. and then she said after many years we put things behind us then we can be friends, she is not forcing me. then i went so furious and said it is not about what had happened. it is about her attitude. she decided to move on like months ago, she throw me into silence from then on. that was painful and now she is offering me something like………………….this piece of crap. i don’t know, she is just the last one on the earth i would like to be friend with.

  41. in88 December 4, 2013 at 2:53 pm #

    “I still love you, I just feel that I’m not IN love with you right now. I just can’t be with you while you’re like this. I hope we can meet as friends soon”.. – Whilst I’m like what? If I change what I don’t understand you’re talking about, is there are a chance for us then? I’ll do it! If not, you want to be friends? That sounds better than never seeing you again at least. I’ll be busy changing everything about me so that you’ll fall in love with me again when we meet as friends, yeah? Wait a minute…..

  42. Ada January 13, 2014 at 6:28 pm #

    “A girl as nice as you are, still not enough for me to give you what you deserve, that’s why i said i have issue. maybe I can never truly love someone ever again.”

    “At least I have the decency to let you go instead of keeping you around and waste your time. I’m actually very into you. Lol. Don’t think i will find someone who’d treat me better ever.”

    “I think you deserved better, I’m no good to you. I don’t wanna explain myself. I feel guilty keeping you around.”

    Then he unfriend me on facebook…

  43. DK January 14, 2014 at 5:38 pm #

    Recently found out my ex became a slut from a new friend I made turned out he had mutual friends with the ex. Before me she was a virgin and had a sex disorder which made sex intolerable, with my support 2 years she got physical therapy for it, as her disorder got fixed two years into the relationship and at the same time cheated on me before a dramatic breakup. Got angry when I found out she became a slut, its been two years since the breakup, its very annoying that I still care.

  44. Kathy January 14, 2014 at 11:41 pm #

    Wow, my ex hit about 10/10 of the items on this list. He’s even said in the grand scheme of things, our relationship is a small part of the whole universe.

    I had known him for 9 1/2 years. We dated about 8 1/2 years (broke up for a year because of GIGS). When he came back from the first break up, I thought he had figured out what he wanted. Turns out, he still had GIGS and recently broke up with me for another girl. I am extremely heartbroken. Not only did he talk about marriage when we got back together, but I gave up my life and moved for him. I felt very toyed with in the end.

    His excuse even included, “She’s not better, just different.” Apparently, I lacked something in myself that he had in himself and was looking for in a partner. I finally figured out what that trait is, but a bit too late. Ambition.

    I really regret telling him to never contact me. We’ve known each other so long, our lives, friends, and family have intertwined. For him to say that he’s still trying to figure out his feelings/clear his head, makes me wonder & hope if he will ever come back again…

    I know I shouldn’t wait, but dating other guys so far have caused me to miss him much more. So much more that I have trouble sleeping at night and stay up until 4am with anxiety attacks and trembling.

    I continually google for answers about why a dumper would do this to a person who obviously truly loves them. We got along great and the only fights we ever had was when he would stray bc of his GIGS. I’ve ready many stories/reasons from similar relationships, but none of these answers satisfy me. I am not sure what I am searching for on these online forums anymore…

  45. Gaia January 15, 2014 at 12:59 am #

    My (now) ex boyfriend took the decision to break up with me just 2 weeks ago. It felt aweful at the very beginning beginning, especially cause we lived together and I had to go back to my parents house. Oh my God how much I cried for the first 5/6 days..But now my friends, my family and in general people that surround me are impressed by how good I’m reacting to it. Honestly this website and all these articles have been helping me a lot!!! In general to think in a different way. I’m getting that it’s not me, it’s just not the right person.. And yes this is life and it sucks sometimes, but I feel that everything happens for a reason. Thank you Eddie, you’re awesome!

  46. dumppie March 3, 2014 at 1:17 am #

    The list is great. I have heard most of them from my ex-gf, over the course of 2-3 months before dumping me. I went hardcore NC same week of BU. You do not really want talk to someone who dumps you and start seeing someone in the same week really, and they let you know about it. It is the fifth week of NC and feeling better.

    I wish I knew the list and those signs before the BU. At least now we know now. So next time when someone exhibits those signs, then you can just dump them before they hurt you big time.

  47. SG June 18, 2014 at 9:38 am #

    My ex managed to squeeze most of them into one breakup sentence..

    “You really are a great guy, it’s me, at this time I really don’t think I can be in a relationship with you and I don’t want to be a shitty girlfriend, I’m confused, I don’t know what I want so I want to take time to be alone and figure it out, I really love you and you will always be in my heart, I really don’t want to hurt you, we can still talk and be friends and if it’s meant to be, life will bring us back together”.

    That’s what – 9/10 in one sentence. you go girl!

  48. SG June 18, 2014 at 9:40 am #

    Oh and context: we had a 4.5 year relationship with high highs and low lows and were living together

  49. Sarah June 25, 2014 at 3:41 pm #

    8/10 … Some others (that seem quite common)

    - I will come back and find you in the future when I’m a better person
    - I will never forget you
    - I don’t want to lose you
    - I didn’t want to leave you (well obviously you did…)
    - I am letting you go because I love you
    - I can’t give you what you want
    - I will always love you
    - You deserve someone better than me
    - I love you but I’m not in love with you
    - I will always be there for you and don’t want you to not be in my life

    I think he managed to cover every cliche available…

    Seeing that other people hear exactly the same thing actually just fuels my fury. I mean at least be original.

  50. Isis July 13, 2014 at 2:21 pm #

    More break-up lines:

    “You’re weak & unwell….when I think of my mother and aunts I grew up with. They are widows.”

    “I’d rather break up cos I don’t want to cheat on you.”

    “You’re not the one for me. In fact, I knoow you’re not the one for me.”

    “Your mum sounds like a horrible person and I don’t think I want to meet her.”

    “I don’t want to worry about you.”

    “You want a nice guy.”

    “You’re uptight-I eat anything.”….conveniently dismissing my food allergies.

    “I’m not ready for a relationship with anyone.”

    “Couples break up.”

    “You’re a beautiful, nice person.”

    “I’m over it.”

    “Don’t act innocent.”….yet refusing to tell me what I did that was so wrong and not willing to arrange lie-detector for whatever he believes I did.

    It’s been 2 years and silent treatment. His own family doesn’t understand it and he acts like I never existed and I may as well be dead, for all he cares.

    No-one has ever made me feel so ‘wrong, ugly, undesirable, unloveable, matterless…the worst gf ever…over all the ‘crazy’ exes.

    Would appreciate any opinions (esp from guy’s perspective) of what the above break up lines from my ex really meant. And please, say what you mean, without being mean about it. I really need to understand without feeling more stupid, attacked and pathetic than I already feel. I was completely blind-sided…could this have been a narcissist?

    Thank you.
    Isis

    • From a guy perspective July 16, 2014 at 10:09 pm #

      To simply put it, he doesn’t want the relationship anymore. He want to move on. So just let him go, I know it is a very tough thing to do when you love a person but why try to read much too into it…he just doesn’t it want anymore. The sooner you accept this fact, the better off you are.

      You want someone who is willing to take care of you and love you for who YOU are!

      All the best to you!

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