If you are of the opinion that a woman should only sit there, looking cute, slightly smiling from time to time while waiting for her prince to arrive, then this article is not for you.
If you are, on the other hand, a woman who is living in the 21st century, feeling secure in who she is and willing to take what she wants, then read on.
You will like what I have to say.
First of all, there is really nothing wrong with a woman approaching a man.
It shows that she is confident and that she knows what she wants. Men like that.
Trust me on this one.
Maybe some of you may be asking yourselves – what does HE know about the secrets of women approaching men?
For one thing, I know what I would like for a woman to say and do if she approached me. (This actually did happen, by the way, quite often).
For another thing, I have interviewed some of my female friends for a simple guide on how to approach and get to know men.
So here it is.
Let's start with a small list of what I would like to see a woman doing when she sees a man she likes.
A wish-list of all the things women didn't do back when I was available.
This list, of course, will be highly subjective, but hey … maybe you'll find something that you would like to try:
Just be yourself, don't “bitch-shield”
I know, I know.
If you are gorgeous, then you get approached all the time, and heavy arrogance is your weapon – your shield to keep away the jerks.
But if you're not, then what's the point?
Then it's only insecurity, a fear of getting hurt.
Come on.
Nothing from the outside can hurt you. The only one who can hurt you is yourself. Know that.
And what about Mr. Right?
Maybe he's extremely shy. Shouldn't he also get a chance to get to know your wonderful personality?
This brings us to the next point.
Have personality
“Personality is more important than looks”
You may have always assumed it, that personality is more important than looks. So, let me say it again – it IS more important than looks.
I have talked to many beautiful women, but finding that they had no personality whatsoever was always a big turnoff for me.
The beauty was suddenly gone.
Give away more eye-contact if interested
Most men don't have the skills or the guts to approach you when you play the “pretend-not-interested-and-very-arrogant-game.”
So why not make it easier for them, and give them warm eye-contact combined with a smile.
This sends out the right signal.
Be different
This is a great interest-factor to me.
When I meet a woman, and I realize after 3 minutes of conversation, that she's not like the other girls, (and trust me, unfortunately a whole lot of women do behave the same way), then I feel very attracted to that person.
Even if she's not that attractive on the outside.
Stand out of the crowd.
Ok, this is my personal wish-list. You may also check out my advice for men on approaching women. You will likely find some ideas for you.
Try it out!
Now, let's have a look at what Brigitte, a real “woman playress,” a “man-eater” and a good friend of mine, has to say:
1. Be confident
If you aren’t, then learn how to be.
The mere fact that you as a woman are willing to approach a man makes you appear confident.
You only have to maintain this confidence during the upcoming conversation.
2. Be different, be unpredictable
Again here, approaching men is a very uncommon thing, and most likely will blow their socks off.
Simply do things they won't expect.
3. Rejection? No big deal!
Even if you get rejected, this is no big deal when you have the proper mindset.
Remember that most of the time the man is more embarrassed than you would be.
Men also tend not to reject an approaching woman.
They always maintain a conversation, even if not interested, so you have the chance to show your personality.
4. Dress wisely
Don't go too “tarty.”
The “more sexy, the better” philosophy is a very common mistake women make.
It’s more important to wear things you are comfortable in, rather than to show as much flesh as possible.
Showing too much can be construed as desperation, and also interpreted in a wrong way.
5. Don't talk too much
Many women talk too much when they are nervous. This not only depresses the men, but it also annoys them.
Let them do the talking.
Help them, if the conversations stick, but listen more than you talk.
Nothing impresses the man's ego more than listening to him.
6. Don't be afraid to smile
If you like a guy, then simply smile at him. Men are as nervous about approaching as you are.
Sending out smile signals makes it easier for both of you.
7. Either approach actively or use passive “tricks”
Walk directly to him, make sure he sees you coming, and say “hi.” Don't forget to smile.
That’s not easy, but it sends out a strong, confident signal and takes him off-guard.
Another thing I recommend is going to the bar, as this is the most comfortable spot for approaching. It’s always crowded here, and people are waiting for their drinks.
It is easy to start a conversation by simply asking something like, “Can you recommend a drink to me?” , “Would you please order for me?” , or something like that.
As you can see, some of my “wishes” are consistent with Brigitte's rules. That is very soothing.
You will also notice quite a few parallels to the men's approaching guide.
On the whole, we are the same.
If there were no “playing around,” life would be much easier, for that I'm sure.
Now good hunting.
Your friend,
Eddie Corbano
Ahh…How I wish I could say to men :”Don’t dress sexy in public !” UNFORTUNATELY most of them don’t need this advise… 🙂
Great post Eddie, thanks! And I also want to thank Elisa for sharing her very straight forward technique.
Regarding point 4, I want to add my own perspective. When I see women wearing revealing clothing, I think they’re either desperate for attention, or they’re jaded (hate men), or they couldn’t care less about a man’s emotions.
In private, it’s perfectly fine to wear revealing clothing in front of a man. Do this when you’re alone together and want things to progress physically. Don’t dress sexy in public. Why? Because when you dress sexy in public you’re saying you want attention from men in general; and, you’re not saying that you want a specific man to notice you.
A man wants to feel like you care about him specifically. We’re only human, after all. Save your sexy close for when you’re alone with a man.
In public, dress classy in clothes that closely fit your body and cover all of your provocative lady parts. This says the right thing to everyone and it also allows you to say exactly what you want to say only to the man you’re interested in.
I hope this helps!
KC
Here’s a simple way to get the guys attention without being too pushy.. Make an eye contact (2-3 seconds), shoot him a warm smile and then look away. This simple gesture always does the trick. 🙂
XoXo,
Elisa
Hi! I was enjoying reading ur posts. Thanks for the new knowledge that I learned from here. I am very sure that I can use in the near future. Thanks again. Godbless and Take care.
Wow, this article did help me along in my quest to approach this guy that I have had my eye on for 3 weeks now. My main problem with approaching him is the fact that I am a little insecure, but now that I am 21 I am slowly easing out of that. But another problem with approaching this particular guy is the fact that he is clearly older than me. He looks between 30 and 35, so I am afraid that he might feel that I am too young. Everytime I see him he always says hi and asks me how I am doing, and he smiles. I guess that is clue enough that he is somewhat interested in me. It really helped me to know that when approaching a guy he will probably be almost as nervous as I am. Also, it helped me to know not to dress too provacatively (although I kind of figured that). I always rummage through my closet looking for the perfect outfit when I go around him, but as long as I am comfortable I could see how that would be better.
Hmmm. A good start maybe, but not too much meat here as far as advice. Anyway, as a guy that gets approached by women a lot, here's what I'd say.The single MOST IMPORTANT thing is that you make eye contact before approaching. The eye contact he gives back should show some degree of interest. Without that pre-approach eye contact, it never goes anywhere, even if it could have otherwise. For example, a cute girl tried to talk to me last night as I was trying to get a drink at a crowded bar… she came out of nowhere, my mind was elsewhere and I was slightly annoyed by the unexpected approach so I didn't get into any conversation with her.The man needs to see you and assess you first to get into “mating dance mode”, and this only takes a nanosecond. By making eye contact, you give him that opportunity and create some nice tension. THEN when you approach him you are releasing the tension (building and releasing tension are crucial rules of attraction). After that you only need to bait him to continue the interaction by being interesting, then transitioning to the point where he's leading, or it's at least 50/50.
I like the fact that you mentioned eye contact, that is crucial.
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