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Breakup Success Story: How To Let Go Of The Past

When you start the arduous journey to break-up recovery there is one thing that most people have in common: the destructive feeling of being alone and helpless.

What helps us endure those challenges of life is the knowledge that there are others before you who went the same path and their acquired wisdom: a breakup success story.

Allowing the possibility that you WILL make it and come out of this experience renewed will give you strength and boost your confidence. It even may give you the initial push to finally start your recovery.

The only problem is that those who moved on usually don’t look back, be it to avoid pain or just because they simply don’t want to look back.

But – as you know – luckily there are exceptions. Those who understand that looking back is also part of the healing process, it’s where we connect the dots together in order to make the last step into independence.

Our dear reader Ronin decided to come back and share his own experiences with his break-up.

This is his story.

Breakup Success Story from our reader Ronin

“Hey guys!

I remember back when I was first dumped, one of the main things that discouraged me was the very low ratio of success stories versus tales of heartbreak, misery and loneliness. The thing is, once someone heals from the traumatic experience of being heartbroken, they usually tend to carry on with their lives and do not go back to support those who are new to the experience. Of course, some people are an exception to this rule, but that’s how it usually works in my experience.

So, I promised myself some months ago that I would come back when I feel better to encourage those who are just starting their bittersweet experience of healing.

Very quickly about myself – I was with a girl for 3 years, planned to marry her, but was forced to leave the country temporarily for work. Long story short, after less than 3 months of me being away (I would fly to see her every month) she told me she wasn’t in love with me any more, broke up with me and told me there was someone else.

A month after breaking up with me she was already with the new guy, with me having to purchase a magnifying glass to look for the pieces of my shattered heart. Now, I’m an athletic / macho type of guy and have always been considered as very self-controlled and tough, but this break up really got to me.

I was a wreck.

I lost my job because of it, couldn’t concentrate for weeks and cried in the proud loneliness of my sad apartment.

The break up was over 4 months ago. I maintained contact and it was WRONG. VERY WRONG.

All I could do is facebook-stalk her, her friends, etc, waiting for the moment she posts photos of her with her new boyfriend. And soon enough she did! Oh the joy of looking at the person you wanted to be with for the rest of your life (the person who swore her undying love for you) kissing with someone she left you for, with so much joy in their eyes… How wonderfully cruel life can be!

So I cut off contact.

This is the best advice I can give to ANYONE in that situation – do it!

I kept contact thinking she might come to her senses and want to get back with me (although I had promised myself I would never take her back – the paradox of human nature, right?). But it just ended up hurting me more.

Once I deleted her everything became so much MORE EASY to handle. It really does give you back the control and it is a wonderful feeling. Go for it – cut contact.

The thing is, unless your ex partner is a complete tool, you can always re-establish contact with them years later if you so wish. And if they won’t accept you back as a friend, then you are really so much better off without a small person like that.

So yeah, now I am single and yes, I do still think of her sometimes, etc., but it doesn’t hurt me anymore. Before, every single memory of her would cause me an unbearable amount of pain. Not any more.

So PLEASE, cut contact, follow what the articles on this website say, and know that it will get better and better. The pain will go away – for some more slowly than for others, but it will fade into the past.

Make positive efforts to let go of the past, forgive everyone and try to develop a positive outlook at life. If you can’t do it right away, fake it until you make it! ๐Ÿ™‚

If this post cheers up at least one person out there, I will be very happy! Like I said, I felt the need of seeing more stories like this when I was crying out salty tears…

Ronin”

The key to Ronin’s recovery was to finally start following the no-contact rule. The no-contact rule is THE precondition to fast recovery, as I have written so many times.

This is by far the fastest, least painful and most effective way.

I hope that Ronin’s story will help you to conquer all the obstacles the no-contact rule imposes on you and that you too will reach the end of the road called recovery as soon as possible.

But don’t forget to come back and share your experiences when you’re there.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

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161 Responses to Breakup Success Story: How To Let Go Of The Past

  1. Cathy October 5, 2014 at 1:07 am #

    It’s almost .3 months since the breakup. I do feel a little better. We were together almost three years. but yesterday and today have been really really bad. it just seems like there are triggers everywhere. not in my house I mean things I see in the outside world like somebody talking about a show that he liked, seeing something funny that I know he would have liked and I run into him constantly in this small town not up close but our cars pass each other on our ways to work all the time. believe me I’m telling the truth when I say there really isn’t different ways for us to go to work. I can’t wait for the day when this doesn’t bother me. sometimes I feel like it’s just consuming me. I am seeing a therapist. All I know, is I want to be happy,like I was before I met him. I almost feel like he stole something from me.

    • Lori October 5, 2014 at 10:24 pm #

      I can relate 100%!! Been there and thought I would never surpass the black hole of betrayal, angst, depression, worthlessness and loneliness; among tge few negative emotions I went thru. But, but, though incredibly hard to even fathom right now, YOU WILL GET OVER IT!!!!!!!!

      One day you just realize, you’ve joined the living again, suddenly there is a big, bright ball in the sky and it’s the sun shining!!! But, we must go thru the fire first, fully and completely, to come out on the other side as a whole person and not in fragments; You will get there, oh yes you will.

      • Cathy October 22, 2014 at 1:27 am #

        Thank you, Lori. I’m definitely having more “happy” times. I don’t like when I get a memory, I ha e to work hard to think of something else and distract myself. I think about another month or so and I’ll be almost there. I still dread running into him, I think it would be best if I never saw him again for the rest of my life, probably not very realistic though in the small town we both live in. ๐Ÿ™‚

        • Den December 5, 2014 at 9:29 pm #

          Hi, I understand the pain and constant struggle. On one had you are free of all the pain and hurt you were dealing with. Then, there is the miss factor. It really takes you for a loop. You fall in love, problems occurr and you ignore them because you just want things better. You try so hard and by this time you know you can’t live like this, but you hang on. You do thing you regret because he/she is not coming around to meeting you half way. Or, maybe they are using you. Bottom line breakup is hard. It really hurts and walking away from a feeling of love is horrendous. I been there. Complete walking away is correct. No visiting, or seeing, or texting, and even though they are with someone new, it never ends. TIME is the only sure bet. However, trying to keep in touch is a form of torture. It stops you from letting go. Reward yourself each day you make it through. They were never good enough for you, and that was for a reason. Someone is better. It takes time, it worked for me. I wish you the best.

      • Debbie December 19, 2014 at 3:33 am #

        Lori, I needed to hear those words! Going through the worst break-up of my entire life! It’s been 17 days and I just can’t seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel! So many lies and betray I don’t know where to begin to start my healing! To make things worse we work for the same company and have to see him twice a week for work! Any suggestions from anyone would be great! I have to get over him and move forward with my life!

        • Edgar May 8, 2016 at 6:38 am #

          Just act as If you dont care about him. Even though is hard, but at least say hi to him in a formal way so, that you start associate him as a just another co-worker instead of a lover. And outside of work no contact at all.

    • Jay October 5, 2014 at 11:09 pm #

      I know what you are going thru. My ex broke up with me almost 3 months ago. I have to drive by his house everyday because it’s the only way in and out of town. Yesterday I was coming back from the store the saw him leave town…I don’t think he saw me. I then thought it would be a nice idea to look up his profile on fb…and that just sent me swirling downward. Today I’m trying to pick myself back up. For 2 months I didn’t talk to him and then he texted me to see how I was. My relationship has many problems and one of them is my parents. I don’t think that they will ever accept the relationship and that’s a reason why my ex broke it off with me. I’m only 24 and he’s 30. He decided he couldn’t wait anymore and that he’s willing to give other girls a chance. Who’s wrong in this situation? And why did he text me twice to see how I was and start small talk if he’s willing to move forward? He even told me that he may be confused about his feelings for another girl since not knowing where our relationship is going. We were together for 4 years. Getting over him has been a real challenge…and I’m still 2 steps forward and 4 steps back. I don’t know what to do about my parents (I’m indian) and having a nonindian bf is absolutely against the law with my parents… and I don’t know of he’s just checking up on me or if he actually misses me.

    • Marie December 1, 2014 at 4:31 am #

      I’m completely heart broken & depressed. I spent almost 7 yrs with my ex to find out recently all the lies & unfaithfulness. We had a great relationship in the beginning, he was a great manipulator, and a selfish person always wanting his own way. He left me on many occasions alone ( Xmas, funerals , etc.) always having an excuse of some sort to keep me quiet. I finally had enough & walked away from him. The part that is killing me is he’s already in a ready made family relationship ( with a girl he cheated on me with) I can’t believe I was replaced while he was with me. The mental & emotional abuse is so hard to work through, everyday is a struggle while he’s living his life I’m stuck trying to put mine back together. I truly believed he loved me & feel like a fool because there was so many lies. I know they say time will heal but it’s been 2 mths & I still cry everyday & feel like I can’t breath. Now with the holidays approaching all I can think is how different he will be with her & I meant nothing. ๐Ÿ™ I’m just looking for some support to get through this. Pls & thank you

      • Kim December 2, 2014 at 2:00 pm #

        Two months after a 7 year relationship is just a drop in a huge bucket. My bf of 4 years broke up with me after four years and it’s been nearly 5 months now since we broke up…i still find myself struggle. It’s true that time heals the pain but you have to be active. Go to work, spend time with friends, go and have a good time! You’re going to have MANY ups and downs but you have to let your feelings be felt and realize it’s all natural to feel this way. We have all been at the two month mark. Do yourself a favor and DO NOT contact him…DO NOT stalk him bebecause it’s only going to hurt you and keep you from healing. Be positive that life has more to offer. Work on the things you put aside cuz he didn’t want to do them. Tell yourself you’re worth much more than a man that can’t respect you for who you are. It gets better…i am getting better too but it will take time. Unfortunately, there is no deadline.

        • Ken May 26, 2016 at 6:30 am #

          Kim, thank you for your advice! Back in May, 2014 my ex gf of eight years ended our friendship/relationship. Now, in May, 2016, I am still thinking of her and working on moving on. I miss her. I do not know when I will stop thinking of her or missing her?! I will continue to work on me and think of how lucky I was to have known her for eight years.

      • Lee May 16, 2015 at 9:34 pm #

        I’m just seeing your post. Wow, it’s like I’m seeing my story in your words. I was with my boyfriend for 7.5 years and for the past 1.5 years he’s been cheating on me with a women in another country. I believe he’s with her for the money she has, which is horrible in it self, but I have a little comfort that it is not for love. He told me all along he was in business with his brother and that’s why he kept having to leave every month. I had clues along the way, that I tried to ignore. To make matters worse is when ever he was with me he looked in my eyes and told me how much he loved me and would do anything to make me happy, even a couple weeks ago. I feel like such a big fool. He was having his cake and eating it too. I learned from the other women two weeks ago of what was going on. She was also fooled by him. Since then I have not spoken to him. I have text him some very hurtful words, but he chooses to ignore them. I don’t know if I’ll ever get the truth from him. I don’t know if I can even look at him.

        • Grieving May 5, 2016 at 5:37 pm #

          Lee, I am glad to come across this blog because you and I have a very similar situation.
          My ex and I were together for 3 1/2 yrs and lived together for two until he was moved to another state for his job in March of last year. Sept was the last time we spent time together. We went for a week vacation and had a fabulous time, not knowing it would be the last time id see him. He stopped calling early Nov, and just semt me a text saying he did not want to talk. That was it. I did not pursue the issue bec I thought he just needed some space. March came rolling in, and I found out he got married. I mean how could it be? Come to find out, shortly before wet started dating, he was already communicating with a girl from another country and made a trip there once and proposed to her. He made another trip in 2014. She finally can’t to the country Jan of this year and I figured the reason he dumped me was when he found out she was approved to come to the US. I made the huge mistake of going to the social media and found the woman’s posts of their wedding and trips, etc. that hurt me more than I could possibly imagine. It has been 8 months since I’ve seen him, but I still miss him everyday, and can’t get him out of my head. To be very honest, I feel very jealous of his now wife, who is much younger than he is. I think she found out about me because I got an anonymous message with an attachment of their wedding photo (no other message). I live nged since deactivated my fb acct, but I could still picture them together looking so happy. I wake up in the morning just bec I have to, but I feel non existent, empty and wishing I don’t wake up so I don’t have to feel the same pain that I could never get accustomed to. The deceit and the fact that I was used hurt so bad that I don’t think I could move past it. I’m now starting to wonder if I could ever move on and let go…..

      • HEARTLESS June 13, 2016 at 6:11 pm #

        This sounds so similar to my situation. My heart is so broken. I thought that he loved me more than what he is currently showing me. I kicked him out of our home because of his lies and infidelity and he ran straight to her and didn’t t look back. The first few weeks were hard because I chose to stalk him on social media convincing myself that the more that I saw the less I would care but it was the exact opposite. I hurt so bad that eventually I began to have thought of suicide. It has not been easy and I am currently at the stage of denial and blaming myself for things that went wrong in my relationship., I don’t want to keep up this way. I don’t want to keep on looking back. I don’t want to keep on thinking about all the things that we used to do together and wondering if he is doing them with her. I don’t want to feel in my heart for someone who doesn’t feel in their heart for me. Everyone says it takes time but is taking me. Need pointers on how to deal with such a traumatic life altering event. Any advice is welcomed…

        • A June 22, 2016 at 1:51 am #

          Hey, it’ll be okay I promise you. I’m facing the same thing as you. I blamed myself for everything. But ask yourself if it’s true? Did your ex do something as well to contribute?
          Well my ex left me when I needed him most. I was coping with trust issues, and how it started, he lied to me about meeting an ex for lunch. It may have been a non event. But the act of lying, I couldn’t see past it.
          A month ago I was a mess, I almost lost my job and I couldn’t sleep Nor eat. I kept asking him to take me back and that we will make it.
          But take a step back, it failed for a reason. I know it’s hard, but you will come out of it. And you’ll find love again. You may not see it now but love yourself first. Go for a run, join a new sport. Push yourself, it’s a lonely road for now but you’ll meet new people. You can do it:)

  2. queen October 21, 2014 at 2:31 am #

    Ok so after a roller coaster ride relationship for 4 years I decided to move on. Not because I did not love him but because he still wanted to play the field. He actually asked that we take a break from each other to which I decided that I’d rather have a permanent break because this was the third time he requested a break.
    I decided immediately after to cut all ties with him. No social media, no calls, nothing because I blocked him. For me this was better than anything else I ever did. Staying in contact would have made me miss him even more.
    my success in healing came from praying and reminding myself that my future is so much more better than my pass. I still think about him but whenever I do my thoughts are that I don’t ever wish to get back with him because I’m a queen and know that I deserve to be treated as such.
    I also still pray for him but that’s that. I know some ex’s tend to unblock their ex bf or gf but I think it’s best that they stay blocked. Life is about moving forward and not backwards and though u may have blocked him or her they can reach you through a mutual friend if they really want to contact you. So if that never happens carry on with your life with them remaining on the blocked lit.
    Continue to pray, continue to remind your self that you are beautiful, fall I love with you and keep telling yourself that your future is brigher than your past.

    • Cathy October 22, 2014 at 1:30 am #

      Queen, you are very wise. I take encouragement from how you are dealingwith this. . I agree with blocking forever.

      • Meridith August 15, 2016 at 6:59 pm #

        Hello….pls help me on this….my seven years of relationship broke up two and half months ago…he broke up with me for some stupid reasons dat we fight a lot…. But I deeply feel that reasons are different. I went into complete NC since may 29. I used to regularly check his fb. I used to have serious urges to contact him but I resisted. I was determined that for NC as he should call me first bec he dumped me. Two days back I came to know he blocked me in fb. I wonder that y he did not do this before right after the break up. Y now? After two months?
        I cried a lot I don’t know y. May be its an indication dat I should quit hoping…I went nc because he always insulted me when I used to beg and plead him not to break up with me….this time I did not beg.
        16 th sept is our anniversary. I am confused to contact him on that day or not.pls help?
        Y I still feel depressed is its he who came in my life showed undying love and convinced me….. I could not resist falling in love although I hated relationships before he came in my life….he melted me with his love and brought out the best in me. I am reaping the benefits of this changes in me. Recently I don’t know he started talking of renunciation and breaking up with me. Alternately he said he feels suffocated with me and cannot concentrate on his career due to arguments…I don’t know and still can’t believe this…I still can’t rationalize his decision. His biggest frustration was he was not at the point where he was supposed to be career wise. He is above 30 already. I am 25 years. On one hand he spoke of renunciation and on other hand he was determined about his Phd and go abroad. It was a long distance relationship and v had serious communication issues and also due to our parents who wud never accept our relationship….
        But I still want him and can’t get over him…. Pls held
        Pls say will he ever contact me?

        • danesakura August 17, 2016 at 8:32 am #

          Hi Meridith, I know what you are feeling. My boyfriends for 7 years broke up with me and his reason was that he is not currently happy on where he is right now, career wise. He said we’ve been too complacent and he wants to explore the world without me on his life. Then just like that, he shut me out of his life. No contact at all. It was one of the hardest moments in my life. And for 2 months, i was constantly hoping that we’ll get back together again but i have to go on and live my life. I honestly thought that he was correct and his reason was true. I felt guilty that I was growing and achieving my goals but he somehow couldn’t do the same for himself no matter how much support I gave him. I really thought it was my fault. That if i was able to understand him more, he’ll not leave. I cried and hoped everyday that he’ll contact me to say he made a terrible mistake. Then one day, the truth came out that he has another girl, no, 2 girls at his work and there’s something going on with them for months already. He justifies his cheating by telling other people that i’m an easy girl and i do hook up with lots of guys. That was really like punching me hard in the face. Was not able to believe for awhile that he can say such awful things but maybe i really these facts to be serious in moving on. That really did it. It’s now been almost 6 months after break up and I dont cry anymore. I miss our moments but i chose to be happy without him. It’s really hard to adjust-we’ve been together since we were 19. We had lots of great moments together but people change. And the only one you can control is yourself, your feelings, your mind. It’s hard to accept this fact specially if you’re a firm believer of love (there’s nothing wrong with this, i still believe in this). My point is, you’ll be okay. You might not feel it today, but you’ll do soon. I’ll be praying for you. It’ll be a tough road for you but you’ll get through it. You’ll be fine. Take it from someone who has been in the same place as you. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Nic November 25, 2014 at 12:02 am #

      Queen, thos sounds a lot about what happend to me, in reverse. I also was in a 4 year relationship and wanted a break. Biggest mistake of my life. I lost the woman of my dreams, because I didnt realize what I had.

      I was blocked by her (phone and social media). This sent me into a big depression. Im still not completely over it because I never got any closer. I hope when you block someone from your lives, that it can affect them too. Not that you care, but I was very suisidel for about 2 years after the fact.

      Now, ive come to the conclusion, it wasnt ment to be, but I at least tried. I still love her, but, Im really not sure she ever did. But she was the greatest and nicest person ive ever met. Which is why it hurt so bad.

  3. Josh October 21, 2014 at 7:07 am #

    It has been 9 months since the break up, I was with this girl for almost four years solid. We had a brake up over a year before this one. We wanted to get married. As I look back now. I realize our problems were mainly money. We made a mutual agreement that changed a lot. Abortion. We felt it would hinder our goals (school, work, etc) it definitely got us close in the beginning, promising we would never go thru that experience again. As months went by, I’m sure the events that happened during that dreadful experience still went thru her mine. It sure goes thru mine. Even now..I felt I couldn’t talk to her about it, I didn’t want to remind her about it or make her feel bad by talking about it. I guess she felt the same since she never talked either. It became like this big elephant in the room…so nine months ago she wants a break. I agree. A week later she says she doesn’t see us getting back together….our first break up over year ago before wasnt so smoothly, I cried, begged. Got turned down of course. She started dating immediately, But we stayed friends. And I won her back again a couple of months later…this time around I didn’t beg, I gave her plenty space. Don’t get me wrong I was very hurt. Devastated. The little hope I had was on putting the no contact rule in play. So I did just that. She again found someone, immediately after less than a week. Drove me crazy. (Mutual friends of course passing the word along) this was different this time around. She moved in to the guys house, he is ten years older than her and financially stable. She doesn’t work now. And that’s all I know. I haven’t spoken to her in 9 months. I haven’t seen her try either. Other than ask how I am doing (mutual friends) I’ve seen her twice grocery shopping. First time we both avoided each other, second time she was in the same ile I said “hey..” She said “ok” and quickly entered another ile. I felt like an idiot. I saw her again but left the store before going in. My stomach felt horrible butterflies but not in a good way. It was sad….she has completely changed her look. Different hair color and even chopped off all of her hair…I think of her every day still. Some days I feel good about moving on to better things others, I feel like I will never stop missing her. I still think of the abortion. Iv herd stories that she blames it all on me. I know its not true. But a part of me hopes she is happy, and using me as a scapegoat can maybe remove guilt and help her live a happier life…we were quite young when we met. She 17 & I 21. I’m 25 now. So I see she still has a lot to explore so maybe that’s part of it..not all the time but sometimes I hope that maybe later in life years or so we can work something out. Idk. Its been 9 months and I miss her a lot. We lived together for 95% of our relationship, that may explain that. Maybe its only natural after seeing someone almost 24/7 for years. Some days I feel I want to talk to her, followed by the same question how would I react? What would I say? I love her, and I probably always will. We even got the same tattoo. No names….I’ve tried dating, some good some bad. But I just don’t feel like I have the same connection…I wonder a lot what is on her mind…and other times I get angry. I keep it in my head, don’t think I go crazy. But I feel like I start to hate her. But I know I don’t…idk what to do? I’m scared I will be in this loop for longer than I should. I see her moving on so fast. It hurts. I try to stay positive, I’ve made many new friends really cool people. Cool new girls to talk to. But at the end of the night. All I think of is her. I’m positive she loved me and I loved her. But then why would we be in this situation? Maybe age? Miscommunication? How could she move on so fast? How come she hasn’t tried contacting me directly after no contact? Is she living the life now? I need advice. Idk what I want. Part of me wants to o be with her always, another part just wants to forget and is angry at her. I just wish I was happy again. Its so hard.

    • Arun Kumar October 21, 2014 at 1:56 pm #

      Hi Josh,

      Hang in there. It will get better. These negative feelings will go away, but it takes time and effort from you. Whatever may be the reason (money, age) etc, the ultimate reality is she left you. The reasons doesn’t matter here now. The main thing that matters is how should you move on.

      Please maintain NO-contact as it will only give happiness and peace at last. I am past more than 1 year of break-up.

      • Josh October 23, 2014 at 7:04 am #

        Thank you. I am very surprised that people out there care. I felt I was just venting, never thought anyone would hear me out.

    • Kim October 21, 2014 at 5:06 pm #

      Josh,
      Although my situation was different…I to have gone thru a break up. We dated for about 4 years on and off and now we’ve been broken up for 4 months. The confusion is still there and I also feel that I want to get back together with him. Other times I just think it would be better to continue on the single path. Don’t beat yourself over not knowing what you want because it’s completely normal to feel this way. Your emotions are going to also be running very crazy….you just have to tell yourself that this stuff is normal. My bf broke up with me as did your gf and I believe that if they really were happy and wanted to be with us they would try. Just because you’re ready doesn’t mean she is…she had her reasons and she acted accordingly. You have to remember that actions speak louder than words…and she hasent acted towards wanting to get back together. Best thing to do is continue the NC and keep working on being happy no matter how hard it is. Keep yourself very busy. And def don’t do anything stupid during a relapse when the emotions run wild again. Keep telling yourself that there is a future for you…no matter what it is and just embrace what comes your way. Feel free to keep contacting me on here….we can help eachother get thru this.

      • Josh October 23, 2014 at 7:11 am #

        Kim,
        I really appreciate your feedback. You are right. I should continue the nc. Actions do speak lauder than words. Thank you. It helps knowing I’m not alone. We are worth it.

        • ronda November 4, 2014 at 10:30 am #

          Hay josh.. Its like a roller coaster. Emotions are so up
          And down. Some days the pain is too much to bear id rather die but why should he live happily eva afta. I was with my bf 6 yrs. When he left he changed his number and told me i only hav myself to blame. He moved in with another woman within wks..we were meant to get married! We r in our mid 40’s. When he left said he will marry this one!! Iv been blaming myself as its a long story but if he truely loved me and wanted to marry me he would hav called me by now..he s been gone 4 mnths..it hurts like hell. I dnt really hav many friends. But hang in there n use this time to reflect so as you grow into a better man for the next woman tht comes along. I feel your pain believe me!!

    • Cathy October 22, 2014 at 1:40 am #

      Josh, you spent so much time together, it’s natural that you would feel the way you do. I also go between love and hate inmy mind. My goal is to just feel iindifference. Work on rebuilding your life, think about yourself and what you like and do that. don’t worry about dating unless that’s what you want to do. Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself as if you were recovering from an illness. Heartbreak sucks, but at least you know you have the capacity to love. Give yourself some of that love, stay No Contact and move on. One day at a time.

      • Josh October 23, 2014 at 7:14 am #

        Cathy,
        Thank you. I needed to hear this. I’m greatful that I can speak about openly.

  4. bob October 28, 2014 at 6:32 pm #

    its been two months i broke-up i don’t say i broke-up bcoz i m unable to stop giving calls to her….ya once in a while she will talk a bit other wise it will be engage……yes engage with new one…….she says its hubby…..every minuet for one year she use to give me messages calls wishing gud mrng, gud nights n lot more suddenly she turn different once she got a match…as per her words its unbelievable match as per looks in education and job he is extremely well…..now full time day n night she transferred her love n care to him….still i m feeling so much pain…….some times i feel i wanna call him i say that we both are in relation but she took promise from me that i am not going to ruin her life wat to do….i miss her a lot……s i m not that much capable of earning good salary as him….but still i want her….feeling alone in the world….

  5. Loren October 29, 2014 at 1:20 am #

    Hi Josh and Everyone here,

    I certainly can relate to what you are currently going through. My ex girlfriend and I were together for almost 6 years and she broke it off with me in May of this year, telling me she wanted more from me out of the relationship, we tried to reconcile but her heart was no longer into it and she ended up hooking up with another guy and left me within 2 months of the initial breakup. I met her when she was 18 and I was 26. We shared many memories and laughs and experiences together, went on many trips, etc. I thought she could have been the one at one point in time, but then she began to change as a person and began hanging around a new circle of friends, a few I didn’t particularly care for because of the stuff they were involved in and I believe that at least had some level of influence on her and contributed to the person she has become. Her feelings, which were once very strong for me had changed, and it’s almost like she has become unrecognizable from the girl I loved and dated in years past. I must admit that it was not the perfect relationship and I had my faults, and things I could have done better, but I realize you cannot turn back the hands of time to correct your mistakes. It was a messy breakup at the end of August of this year and her last words to me via text was “From now on, if you ever want or need to contact me, you have my email. Take care, Loren” Though it was very difficult because I still care for her despite what she did, I decided to not contact her in any way or form. At this point, there’s still not a day that goes by that I do not think of her, and there are always triggers of things, places, people, etc. that set off deep emotions in me. Some days are better than others as I try and rebuild my life. It’s been about 2 months now since the breakup. I decided to set up a couple of online dating profiles just to see what’s out there in an effort to help move on from her and about a month ago, she found my profile on one of the sites and direct messaged me to say “your profile is b.s.” before proceeding to block me. Then a few days ago, I noticed she set up a profile on the other dating site and she came across my profile and she looked at it 3 times in the past few days (I know this because the site timestamps the recent visitors) It seems like from what it says on her profiles, she doesn’t want emotional attachment and is only looking for the “friends with benefits” deal with fun. Anyways, I’ve been dealing with difficult situation for the last few months, and I know it’s not easy, but you have to stay strong as possible and move forward, though sometimes I admit I feel lost and confused on some days as my situation has been complicated, and I’m trying to heal as much as possible everyday. Any suggestions from anyone based on her recent behavior? Thanks.

    • Kyle September 4, 2016 at 3:21 am #

      Hey guys and girls

      I am with Loren and Josh at this point. My situation was a bit drastic and soothing at the same time. I dated my ex girlfriend for one month prior of 2 years. We were both foreign students in the Philippines she was from Germany and I was from the states. She typical pretty girl everyone wanted. Then little after her third year college I had to go to another city to study. (Which was a mistake) and soon I learn that the relationship was getting unhappy because we weren’t having sex that often and got boring. But then she decided to leave me when all the negative stuff was happing in my life (Grandfathers funeral, car broke down, and leaving her again). This left me devastated and I had anxiety going back to school. I found no motivation to move on so I dropped out. Seeing how much time and my parents money I spent just to find myself made me feel more lost than ever. I tried to stabling the no contact rule but after a week of saying I moved on… I seen her again. (Which was a mistake) This time she tells me she been out every night drinking and sleeping at guys houses who she doesn’t even contacted, when she was with me. I felt like I couldn’t eat or sleep. Being depressed is the least. I vented out on myself until I couldn’t take it anymore and moved back home. While there she was waiting for me. I felt a little spark of she cared about me, untill she said that she kinda likes a person and thought about moving on. It felt so quick and we saw each other 4 days in row. It didn’t felt the same and I showed her that I was jealous she moved on so fast. I seen a note of a guy saying I love you and I burned it. So there is no attraction left between her and me. All I got to say is to stay positive and be there for yourself. Wait until she contacts you. And move on irregardless. We all learn the hard way. And learn from our mistakes

  6. Kate October 29, 2014 at 2:07 pm #

    I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years January of this year. It was really hard but I was able to move on with the help of my family and friends. I went out a lot and really tried to push myself to move forward. This new guy started contacting me in February but because I really wasn’t ready and up for anything love related, I rejected him a lot of times until he finally gave it a rest. March came and I was slowly getting by. April came and I was finally able to say I was doing fine. Not yet really great but fine. I was finally able to smile alone again, go out more, watch a movie with friends, and was able to sing love songs again. Mid-April, the same guy who tried to contact me in February suddenly called me and I decided to pick up the phone and talk to him. I enjoyed talking to him and by the end of the month, he surprised me by going to my office and sending me some food. It was the first time we met. He was ok. He was nice and he said he really enjoyed exchanging text messages with me as well. A week after, he joined me and my office mates for a night out. He told me he had a daughter which was ok. In the next few days, he started calling me more often and I was enjoying the conversations more. He was working in the same office as my sister discovered that he is married. I wanted to confirm it directly from him so I invited him to have coffee with me on that weekend. We went out, took a walk, and had coffee. He told me the whole story. He got married, separated, met someone new, and had a baby but they also parted ways last January. He said loves his daughter but doesn’t want to get back with the woman anymore because she was disrespectful, treated him badly, and was too insensitive. I also told him my story. I also came form an emotionally abusive relationship and my ex boyfriend left me on our anniversary last January. He told me I deserved better. We both deserved better and that when he’s ok, he would like to put his best foot forward for me. I said let’s see but I was scared and I wasn’t ready. On our way home, he kissed me and we decided to get some food. When he got back to his car, he kissed me again and he said he was really happy we met. The next day, he called me again and he found out we went to the same Church. He asked me out for dinner and he decided to take me home to his house where I met his dad, brother, sister in law, and niece. They were all so nice to me. Since that day, we didn’t stop seeing each other. Just after a few days, he asked me if he could be my boyfriend. I was really hesitant because I felt like I wasn’t ready yet and I was too scared to get hurt again. He was really persistent and he said he would wait for me in every aspect. He also said he realized I was his answered prayer and that I was the kind of woman he dreamed of having. He did everything he could to break down my walls. I finally gave in mid-May but was still reluctant. He told me I was being unfair by not trusting him enough and by thinking he would do to me what has been done to me by my ex boyfriend. He also said I could trust him and he also asked me if I could double the love and effort whatever I gave my ex boyfriend. He proved this by showing me a lot of effort and by assuring me a lot through words. I finally gave in. For the first 4 months of the relationship, we had so much fun, we traveled a lot, and did a lot of things together. Yes we had some disagreements but everything could be easily solved. On July, he even talked to my mom and laid his plans of marrying me right after his divorce papers come out which would be by the end of the year. He got really close to my family especially with my mom. He called her “mom”. We would always go out during the weekends with my mom. We also went out with his family a lot. His family loved me and they were all very happy for him because they knew I was treating him with love and respect. We traveled with his family as well. By July, he started sleeping in our house. We made a schedule and he stayed with me for 3 times a week. At first, I told him to stop for I didn’t want to get used to it but he said it was ok and that he wanted me to get used to it because that’s what’s gonna happen in the long run and I agreed. In September, his daughter got hospitalized and he had to be there. He met with the baby’s mom and they started talking. The girl was begging him to come back to them as a family. They were together for 3 years and they had a horrible break up. Since April, he wasn’t able to see his daughter because the girl wouldn’t allow him to but this time, he wanted his visitation rights. He didn’t agree to go back with the girl and he told me he chose me but would have to visit his daughter regularly. I was ok with it but as the days went by, the situation got harder. On me, it was. Our schedule began to change. Our time cut greatly. There were even times when the girl would demand extra time for the child and he gave it. I never said no and I never stopped him but this killed me slowly. I let him know I was having a hard time but I was willing to go through it as long as he would assure me and comfort me. By the end of September, we had this huge fight (our first huge fight) about the baby’s mom trying to control him. He got upset and tried to break up with me. I didn’t agree and I almost begged him to stay and he did. The first week after that was ok but more demands from the baby mom came and he always gave in. I told him it was ok but at the same time it was quite hard and I needed him to really assure me and just be there for me as I have been for him. After a few weeks, he told me his conscience has been bugging him whether it is right for me to go through this, He said I didn’t deserve this and he was having a hard time fighting his conscience. I just assured him each time that I can do it and that I’m not blaming him. More days passed and I noticed him changing. He was till sweet and all but not like before. He said he was not happy with his life anymore and that he wants to be a good dad. he started praying more and asking people if the situation is right. Just last week, he told me we need to change the set up and he doesn’t feel comfortable to stay in my house anymore because we are not yet married and he feels it’s the right thing to do. I was sad and I told him to give me more time to adjust to the set up so it won’t be too hard on me. He agreed. However, last week, I was trying my best to get back to our old ways. Sweet, fun, playful,. and caring. I was asking him if he could try to do the same thing but he said he was having a hard time. On Thursday last week, I got frustrated and cried because I told him I was sad that he was changing. He told me his conscience was bugging him again and he asked for time and space. I gave him the space he needed. On Monday he sent me a message checking up on me because he heard from a friend that I got sick. I replied and he said it’s been hard but he thinks what were going through is necessary. I said I think you’re happy and he didn’t reply. Yesterday, I found out from his sister that last Saturday, he was with the baby’s mom and the baby and he went to their house. I am so confused right now because he even called me “babe” on Monday and he said we were on our “time off” and he thinks it’s necessary. Is he trying to get back together with his ex? I tried asking him before if he wanted to do that he kept on saying no.. but his actions now are saying otherwise… I don’t know what to do.. I need help on this… I’ve been crying for days now.. It feels so horrible.. I feel that I didn’t do anything wrong but I was the one left behind..

    • Cathy October 30, 2014 at 11:34 pm #

      Kate, I am so sorry that you went through all that. You need to let him go. This isn’t good for you. He may have meant well in the beginning, but the current situation is what you need to deal with. Walk.away, there is someone better for you out there. the longer you hold on the harder it’s going to be.

      • Kate November 3, 2014 at 10:09 am #

        Hi cathy.. thank you for responding.. I am holding on.. We talked.. He still wanted to go but I couldn’t let him.. We were together during the weekend and he said he would try again.. We have been talking since Friday last week but it still seems different..

  7. Kim October 29, 2014 at 5:14 pm #

    This is for thoes that are confused with their exs behavior and/or maybe at the beginning of a breakup. I think it’s something you may need to hear…I’d tell myself this if I was at day one or month one.

    As of today I think it’s been about 4 months..maybe 5 since my bf broke up with me. I can’t say I’m doing great or fantastic but I’m doing a lot better than the first few days/months. I find myself smile at things…I can go a good 10 min without thinking about him. I eat, workout, make plans with friends. I do think about him everyday..and yes I miss him.

    Now, with that said…break ups just like relationships are hard work. You have to force yourself to do things you may not want to do like work, get out of bed, eat, hangout with people. Once you start forcing yourself to do stuff you’ll stay busy and things seem to feel better because thoes long days will turn to weeks which turn to months and little by little you’ll start to feel better.

    Since the past 2 months my break up has brought a little confusion into my life:: He texted me 2 months after NC just to say hi and see how I am. Then recently he texted me again. I reply ever time…not sure why…but I do. I keep it simple though. Every day I wonder what his motive is behind texting me because he was the one to break up with me and told me he feels differently and wants a change. Even though I wonder about his motive and want to ask what he wants I stay NC. I tell my thoughts to shut up because it’s not my job to think about what he wants…and so I go about my day and do what makes me happy. You have to remember that your ex may have many conflicting thoughts and just to make themselves feel better they will do and say confusing things that make NO sense to you…but you have to look out for yourself. Stop thinking about the what ifs…because the truth is you two are no longer together and you need to focus on getting better and stronger. Let them figure out what they want…and if it’s important to them then one day they’ll want to talk to you and tell you how they feel…and that is the day you can figure out what you want based on their actions. For now…focus on YOU and get stronger and happy again cuz the reality is…YOU ARE SINGLE and only you can take care of yourself. Stop anticipating what your ex will do or what she/he wants…she/he needs to get the guts to say it the same way she/he got the guts to break your heart.

    I’m not sure what I would do if he says he misses me…or wants to get back together. It’s not something I need to think about because it hasn’t happened. All I know is he broke up with me and told me he no longer has thoes same feelings…so I’m gonna go based off that and continue to work on myself. When or if the day comes when he tells me his motives…I’ll deal with it then.

  8. Cathy October 30, 2014 at 11:50 pm #

    Well said, Kim! There is hope and life after a breakup, it just takes time and like you said, you.have to work at it. I miss my ex also. im too lazy to do the math right now, but there has been No Contact since sept. 14th. He broke up with me.August 10th in a text message. A grown man. He said very little and didnt answer most of my texts. He wouldnt talk to me or see me. He.just said: “that he met someone” it haunts me, I have to accept that there is no closure.and he’s unworthy anyway. better to know now than even more years down the road, .what I have to say this hurt way worse than even when I got divorced because that was just a relief after years of mostly emotional abuse and.his alcoholism, so I was.happy to be.done. I have raised a beautiful daughter largely by myself and.in his defense.he.did pass away unexpectedly when my daughter was a teenager. I felt.guilt about that death, even.though it had nothing to do with me. I went yrs and yrs with no one. I just didnr want to deal with a relationship and then this asshat pursued me and I gave in and it was almost three yrs of roller coaster drama, breaking up.and getting back together. as time goes by I am able to focus more on the bad things about the relationship instead of the few good things. And yet I miss.him.like crazy. So, I’ve got a ways to go..

  9. Nicole November 15, 2014 at 8:17 pm #

    It has been a day since I broke up with my ex. By suprise he came up with so many excuses why we did’nt belong together, after 2 year relationship. Some of the excuses were just breathe taking. For example, we are not compatible, but most music, food, career, and intimacy was compatible. At first I was trying to deal with the issue, of how can win him back.I started looking all over the internet for
    answer, I read the no contact rule good and bad stories. Utimately there was no reason for me to do this, because if someone wants to be with you, and really love you, they would never put you through that type of torment in the first place. My grandma always said, if you sail your ship backwards, you will never see the sunlight. In other words, to all you who are suffering from breakups keep looking forward, and that perfect one will come. Lastly for my situation based on all
    The things I went through went him, I realize that he did me a favor. He even probably think I mourning right now, but im not.I figure I can deliver a 8 pound baby without mourning I can handle anything.

    • Kim November 16, 2014 at 4:53 pm #

      Its going to take time but it will get better. Stay busy and let your emotions run free for a while. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you wish to feel…but after some time pick yourself up and start carinf for yourself. You’re going to be okay

  10. Molly November 18, 2014 at 1:04 am #

    Well I’m most probably the other side of the coin were I broke up with him. Someone I adored and who I believed cared for me more than anyone in my life ever had I was happier than I had been in years. His actions started to put doubt in my mind although for the earlier months I had no doubts about his feelings for me. We had broken up previous to the final breakup and I took all responsibility for that and he kindly let me In hindsight knowing what i know now blaming myself is par for the course. We talked oh yeah that talk when you would do anything to stop that hollow hurt ache in the pit of your stomach the attractions still there you just want to feel “normal” again. We decided to try again. I was so happy for a day or 2 and it felt different he did not want to spend the time with me that he used to, any excuse he could think of he used i was confused he pursued me so why? my self esteem got lower by the day but I was trying harder than ever just thought if only I was happier more confident looked more glamorous around him he would want to be with me more. Note to self “utter nonsense” I did talk to him and told him how I felt about myself trying hard not to blame him he assured me all was great in his eyes. Nothing changed in fact got worse less texts, calls no intimacy the worst part was he had no interest in anything i had to say anymore the connection we used to have was completely gone . I decided that being on my own seriously could not feel any worse than this. I talked not raising my voice and ended the relationship or whatever it was I was in with him and walked away devastated is an understatement and went through hell for for months all the usual he was the best thing, if onlys weight loss sleepless nights skipping work everything was an effort yip all the stuff all you guys feel when you get broken up with. Now 7 months with full NC from both of us I go about life feeling confident happier little things like laughing at a show dancing doing the house chores and the sudden realisation that I’m finding the old me again and I really like who she is she just lost her way for a while.

  11. John November 19, 2014 at 9:11 pm #

    J broke-up with me 27 years ago and it was hard but I moved on and now married and have a teenage daughter. Through the years I would think of her but never made any contact. Recently I started thinking of J and started checking the internet and found pictures of her and her husband. Seeing how beautiful and happy she is left me hurting once again. I have no intention of contacting her. Don’t need to cause pain for her family or mine. I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone about this. I have come to realize that this dull pain might never go away. My only solace is maybe in heaven we’ll be able to talk without human emotions getting in the way.

    • Molly November 23, 2014 at 7:22 pm #

      John even after 27years. . Wow! You must really have loved J very much. Don’t be embarrassed it must feel good to have written it down and it shows that you don’t want to cause hurt to anyone. NC really is the right way while we still have feelings even after many years it can still hurt. Thankyou for sharing your story.

      • John November 26, 2014 at 10:58 pm #

        Molly thanks for reading and commenting. I feel a little better after reading some of the stories / advice on this site. I have a better understanding of what I’m going through. I’ll try to read them all and comment on some. I also decided to devote 100% of my time to my wife and daughter. I don’t want to short change them for something they know nothing about. My goal is to live in the present and think about the future.

  12. Imran November 28, 2014 at 1:14 am #

    My girlfriend broke up with me 3 months ago. She is 10 years older than me (26) and is a widow (36). She has a 16 year old daughter who is into school right now.

    We were in a relationship for only 7 months but it feels as if we have loved each other for 70 years. The reason she cited for leaving me is her daughters future and her family as its very difficult for her to find good alliances for her daughter when she gets married after 5 years and the fact that her family wouldn’t accept me because i was too young and this would only lead her to lose her self respect in front the society.

    I accepted her daughter as mine and she did too. I have loved my ex girl friend so much. It feels as if I have too much burden on my heart without her. I really care for her and will do for the rest of my life. I cant even have NC as I work under her as a subordinate and I get to face her everyday. I cant just leave the job for the heck of it as I have responsibilities. She only wants to be friends with me and I want to give her whatever she wants but I am afraid I am unable to do so. I have been into depression since 3 months and am currently into medication which I discontinued after taking a vacation thinking I would be fine without that because its becoming a habit now. I don’t know. Whenever she has problems, I try and help her out in someway as a friend but the thought inside myself is burning me. She is happy and all smiles without me enjoying her life. Everything around me reminds me of her. I don’t know as I really want to have control upon myself but I have never ending feelings for her. She has clearly told me a week ago that she no longer has feelings for me as she has killed them for the sake of her daughter. She only wants to be a friend. I only wish I come out of this pain. God help me because I unable to concentrate on my personal life and my work has been terrible at office.

  13. mea December 2, 2014 at 2:53 am #

    my boyfriend and i were together for 6 years. we were together throughout high school and then for years afterโ€ฆ we talked about getting married and travelling together and everything a future could hold. we were best friends, soul mates and the thought of us breaking up or even taking a break from each other was laughable to both of us. i never imagined my life without him. march this year, he told me he needed space. he wanted to take a break. the mere idea of it was too much for me to handle and i went crazy. our break up was dragged out for two whole months, even through my birthday. on top of my anxiety, i was diagnosed with depression. for the two months of our break up, we continued to see each other, sleep together, even though he said he didn’t love me anymore, even though he’d become a completely different person and had even started taking drugs. i just didn’t know how to be apart from him.
    one night i found out he’d been ‘catching up’ with a few girls behind my back. one of them being one of my best friends. i cut contact the next day for over a month. the next time we caught up, he invited me to a party; i didn’t want to go, because i didn’t feel comfortable. but, i wanted to show him that i was feeling better and i missed seeing my friends (the ‘best friends’ that hadn’t contacted me once all this time). i went to the party and i walked in to seeing him hooking up with my best friend. i don’t think i’ve ever felt so alone in my life. to add to it all, the next day, my dog died and i lost my job a month later.
    it’s been seven months.. i don’t cry everyday like i used to, but he took everything when he left me. i can’t watch certain movies or shows anymore, listen to certain music, look through photos. people that i thought were my closest friends chose him over me. we’d gone to japan last year, a place i loved more than anywhere else in the world, and it hurts to even think of it now.
    now christmas is so close, and the pure excitement and love i feel around this time of year is completely gone. i understand that i’m not in love with him anymore, just with the memories that we’d shared, but that hurts just as much. i feel like he was able to forget about me so quickly and my life is stuck in this downward spiral that i can’t get out of.
    i consider myself one of the strongest people i know after all of this, but some days are a lot harder than others. i get scared for the future now i’m not with him and i don’t have a job, but i know i’ll be okay again one day. it’s just nice to read about other people’s experiences and to know i’m not alone.

    • John December 5, 2014 at 1:14 am #

      Mea you are not alone. We have all survived from the darkest days. Just hang in there and things will get easier.

  14. Sarah December 16, 2014 at 11:07 pm #

    my story is horrible sad and cruel. I was traumatized when he told me he wanted to move on. I was manipulated so bad and feel so stupid humiliated and used. time helps stop the crying but the sadness, confusion, thinking continues. if I could turn off my brain, forget, and forgive myself for being so nice and stupid to such a mean selfish evil person. its easy to say time helps but living the time is horrible. I have so much to be happy for and trying so hard to feel happy and appreciate how lucky I am.

    • Shanay December 22, 2014 at 8:23 am #

      Is it normal to feel so deprressed for 2days after 2weeks of blocking my ex out?? Im so hurt we whur together 3years an within 1month hes already searching other ladys on facebook๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿ˜ข he was a soft kind hearted person
      Does anyone have advice!???๐Ÿ˜ข
      Im so down ive been great past 2weeks focusing on my life but 2days hve been extremely hard

  15. Saloni December 25, 2014 at 6:24 pm #

    I recently had a bad breakup..He was my first crush..we got in touch an year ago..he confessed his feelings and persuaded me to think about it..i also fell for him. although we lived in different cities, but i always thought it will work out, since he made me believe so. Soon we were madly in love, he committed to me and even discussed marrying me someday. It was all like a dream but i trusted him completely. Just a month ago..he started getting weird. even after a normal fight, he used to vanish and ignore my calls and msgs for days, until i begged him to talk to me. I ignored all of this, thinking that this might be a part of his nature and it will take him sometime to change. I gave my 100% and he always said that he’s lucky to have me and that i deserve a better guy. Anyways, so just a week ago, i proposed a trip that will help us settle down. I convinced my family and got the tickets booked..he was also okay with that. Infact he seemed excited, however he again got weird and stopped calling and then just after a few days he said i need a break and i wana be sure about my feelings, he convinced me that this is for the good. I also agreed, thinking that he will call me soon. but its been 5 days, he didn msg or call me. I tried calling him, but he didn’t pick. Now, I have made up my mind that i dont want to be with such a guy who needs break from me every fortnight. That’s now love! But the sad part is he left me hanging. I deserved a closure! Anyways, it is very depressing, b’coz every single thing reminds me of him and somewhere i knew that this was for real. He convinced me that he will never leave me, but he left me without giving any explanation! I have this urge to yell at him and make him feel guilty. But i am so hurt that i don’t want any contact with him. Still i feel that he should realise how selfishly he behaved! I spent a good amount of money on this trip, even paid for his tickets! But he just walked away! I am hopeless and miserable!! How can he just walk away that easily??

  16. Kweku December 25, 2014 at 7:51 pm #

    My first girlfriend i had left me for her ex. I lost my virginity to her and it hurt me that we were together for only four months. She even hung up on me when i tried asking her what i did wrong. She brole my heart! I sent her a message explaing my feelings to her and wished her goodluck in life (was that a bad idea?). Its been a few weeks after the break up, I will not contact her and I know I will get over her because I’m a doer.

  17. Shekhar Saini December 26, 2014 at 9:12 pm #

    hi …
    i am a indian guy
    my ex left me after 2 yr of relationship
    that was my mistake i take her as granted.
    but now she moved on
    the oproblem is she is in my collage and we contact each other daily we see each other daily that was really worst part
    i have to spend 3 more year with her
    that kill me from inside
    i want to move on but nothing seems clear
    i really need help
    i lover her alot

  18. Kris December 28, 2014 at 1:40 am #

    Hi. It’s nice to know I’m not alone with this. I was dumped by my boyfriend 5 months ago. Things were perfect although he always had issues getting over with his ex who left him 6 years prior to meeting me. He never told me but I felt he was still bitter with his ex. Anyway, I can’t get over him. It was a short relationship but the happiest I’ve been. He left me out of the blue, told me he wants to be happy, and needs to be alone. It hurt so much as we’ve planned trips, our future. I still cry until now almost everyday. I haven’t heard from him since the break up. I blocked him on facebook but he never bothered texting. I don’t know if I will get over him soon. I can’t even bring myself to liking other men, even if they show interest n me.
    I love my ex so much, last night I almost contacted his friend to pour my feelings out. I’m glad I didnt. Day at a time… All I want is for me to forget him.

  19. Shane December 28, 2014 at 9:55 am #

    Hi I’d like to share my story too. I was with my ex fb for almost 6 years. In the beginning everything was ok, never perfect as he didn’t respect me at all….I was stupid enough to think that would change. I was a happy and popular person before him….I spent the next 6 years in a deep depression and constantly seeing different counsellor a to try and deal with what was my new life.
    2 years ago we built our dream home together. From the day it was finished he completely shut me down and treated me like I was nothing. Little did I know he was working towards saving his money to be rid of me. Sure enough, 12 months ago he broke it off and I lost everything. My house and belongings, family and friends. He is very manipulative and got to everyone and told them what a bad person I was and that I had cheated….never ever happened. This has all had such a terrible effect on me as I really hate to not be like by everyone!! So over the 12 months I have never once contacted him – but he contacts me every couple of months just to check up I think. Up until 2 weeks ago I hadn’t answered him the last 2 or 3 times. Then yesterday I discovered while snooping on FB that he has sold our home and bought another more expensive one plus bought a new car. Yet he supposedly doesn’t have the money to pay me off sooner what he owes me from our settlement. I now feel like I’m back to step one almost, and that really annoys me!

  20. Rylan January 28, 2015 at 2:08 am #

    Hi there, I’m 26 and I dated a girl for two months from July to September. We saw each other twice a week until the end of September. After that she started her masters year at university, she said we should put things on hold as work for that and her part time job became very intense. Texting instantly stopped and would only sometimes text back if I text her. I only initiated no contact a month ago. Now because things did not end bad, I kept her on facebook but deleted her number. I’ve also disciplined myself to not look on fb and all my updates come via email. I also got rid of the apps. I think she is dating someone else from her course. I did feel awful but now have just stopped and started moving on. First girl I ever really liked I’m 26 and feel like it was my fault and there is something wrong with me

  21. Cody February 4, 2015 at 8:12 am #

    Being in love is one of the most powerful feelings that we can experience and replacing those feelings has been a difficult challenge. My story begins with a girl who I fell madly in love after a couple of dates. We had a wonderful two years together and I was certain I was going to marry this woman. She was constantly fearing losing me and always made sure to tell me ow much I meant to her. Unfortunately, I had to move to a city 10 hours away to attend grad school. I never doubted that our long distance relationship would suffer and loosing my girlfriend was the last possible outcome that could occur in my mind. Two months into my study, I fell into a depression that turned me into a quite, agitated zombie. As time went on, she started with “we’ve grown apart”, “people change”, and phrases that seemed to hint that our relationship was no longer the same. I called her one day to tell her I was withdrawing from my program and that I planned to return home in an effort to return to my usual self. At the time, I was an emotional wreck and had hit the lowest point ever in my life. She stated that she wanted a break and a week later our relationship was ended by her. She left me when I needed her the most and when she was all that mattered to me. Since she no longer wanted me in her life, I avoided contacting her. She text me on holidays and in between to see how I was doing. As I will always love this woman, I responded to her text but plan to eventually ignore them in an effort to move forward. Although my depression may have genetic links, I was unable to adapt to my new environment because I no longer had the life with the person that meant the world to me.

  22. annonymous February 4, 2015 at 9:51 am #

    Thank you so much i was looking at her facebook everyday and that hurted me and im gonna delete her you inspired me and you are the best thank you so much!

  23. Rob February 15, 2015 at 9:25 pm #

    My ex broke up with me after 14yrs together in December 2014. My whole world was completely shattered, she quickly filed for divorce and made it clear there was no way back. Despite on one occasion me thinking of ending it all. I really struggled at work as she works in the same building, but I have managed to avoid seeing her or speaking to her apart from mediation , when we discussed finances.i felt that I had lost my wife my step daughters and my home in one swoop. With no choice in the matter. I am now living in the spare room at my mums while she has a four bedroom. House. So not fare. I have since discovered that she can’t get the funds to buy me out and has to sell the house, I can’t help thinking good, it’s what she deserves for hurting me so much. I have had a couple of dates, but nothing to write home about , as of yet I don’t know if she has someone else, but she can do what she likes cause we,re not together anymore, I have kept a diary since the split today is day 74, it’s still hard, have times where I get so down. Just got to sell house and send divorce through, but it’s been the longest winter and most painful time of my life.

  24. Madman1981 February 17, 2015 at 9:25 pm #

    I have been heartbroken for more than 3 years and it was a very messy situation. Things have evolved greatly since then, but I still think about her quite a bit. I have seen other women, and for the most part think I can do OK, but I still feel a lot of anger inside of me because of the way she did it. We were not together for long, but it was passionate and intense and she used me as her rebound without ever acknowledging it. I tried to get in touch a few months after initial breakup to understand why, but she wouldn’t give me any closure and, as far as she was concerned, she had moved on and scrapped me from her life.

    I found it very hard initially to move on, and now the damage to my ability to trust others and myself in many situations has been real. I wish I could talk to her and express my anger and how I felt towards it, but I realise it will be a poiintless exercise.

    Please help me, I want to move on with my life and be happy in love again,

    thanks
    A

  25. Shesha February 28, 2015 at 9:52 am #

    A guy Just left me… over night… like yesterday he was sweet, good and lovey-dovey…. but today he acts like a stranger… i don’t know why…. he cuts my calls and doesnt reply to my messages…. i don’t know why…….. I cant breathe now… I cant move on …. I cant sleep …. I don’t know how Ill move forward … to see those blue ticks in whatsapp.. i feel lost….. what is going to happen to my life? I feel broken… he is not telling the reason behind this change…. he doesn’t even want to talk…. where do i stand….. i am living with this for two months…

  26. johnathan April 24, 2015 at 9:07 pm #

    So me and my girlfriend broke up of 4 years she was so perfect for me she was I mean she would do anything I ask her sexual and little things I started love day after day she cheated on me twice and I took her back I’m in love with this girl so I took her back because of my love now I was never clingy or whatever u like to call it but the past months I wanted to be with her all the time I live with her btw but to make this short she told me yesturday that she was done with me because she needs to work on her inner self and bs like that so she came home today and grab all her shit and left she hugged me and I cry like never before she hurt me so bad like all I’ve been doing is laying down and sobbing like at this point I don’t know what to do I feel like my life has no meaning no purpose I was going to marry her too have kids but now it’s like nothing and then she left and said she loves me trying to give me hope that she not really leaving but she’s gone what do I do ?

  27. Rob May 17, 2015 at 1:04 pm #

    I posted on the 15th February.
    Today I write that after 5 months of break up, my divorce will be final after another 4 weeks . She will have nothing to do with me at all then. I am trying really hard to look for the future, but at the moment I am just lonely with no one on the horizon . I have been told she is dating someone and has been for a while. I have some indifferent days now, and I still feel some bitterness towards her and can’t forgive the pain she has put me through. I want her to hurt like I have. I have said to her I don’t want to see her again, or speak to her again or hear about her again either, no contact does help me. I try to avoid driving past my old house and past the way she walks to and from work. I suppose until these things don’t bother me, I cannot heal completely, maybe I won’t . But I do keep saying to myself that there is nothing I can do to change the situation, and that we are going in the opposite direction and that better things await me in the future, and one day I will look back with no regrets, hope so…..

  28. Mayan May 18, 2015 at 7:39 am #

    I’m writing now because there’s no one I could talk to about how I feel. Last Saturday, after work, around 7pm, I decided to open my boyfriend’s facebook acct to check on his messages.I’ve known his facebook password for quite some time but I dont open his acct because I trust him and there is no space for doubts. Last night was different. I checked his messages and found out that he’s exchanging messages with another girl and there were talks about their past esp their “rated xxx experiences” and how they’d love to do it again. The messages were dated May 11 and May 12, and we just celebrated our 4th year last May 5. I was crying the whole time I didnt finish reading everything. We talked about this and I decided to end up the relationship because I felt disrespected, hurt, lied and dumped. He asked for a chance but hell no. I love him, but I love myself more. I know this will not be easy, but I know I’ll carry on.

    • kim May 18, 2015 at 9:51 pm #

      My ex broke it off with me a year ago. It’ll be a year in June. He told me he had feeling for another girl he use to hang out as friends with. A year later I miss him but not nearly as much. I’m angry with him still…and at times I have to stop myself from thinking about him. You’ll be okay. I am. I smile and I even got into graduate school this past year. I’ve moved on to bigger and more successful things. Yes it’s hard…and many things will make you want to move backwards but don’t. Keep working hard…go out with friends. Smile..watch tv..read. Do things for yourself…accomplish something new and one day you’ll realize a year has gone by and you’re doing just fine. You’ll realize that maybe in another year it won’t even matter anymore. My next step is to just go to school and be part of another world. To enjoy and one day forger he was even a part of my life.

  29. Rob May 18, 2015 at 11:12 pm #

    Hello Mayan,
    I felt I had no one to talk to and have been dealing with my situation on my own, god it’s been so hard, hardest time of my life ever. I am sorry about your hurt, please look after yourself ,and maybe some days will get better, I pray every night that mine will, am always willing to talk to people , it helps and that includes you too.

  30. Logan August 1, 2015 at 2:15 am #

    Its a road everyone will meet upon at least one point in thier life. Life goes on. People change. We need to remember that everyone as the right to change thier mind. Yes we love/loved but we need to remember its a give n take thing. Im hurting also after almost 3 months of breakup and no contact. He haven’t contacted me and he’s the one who hurt me, so why should I? Lets pick ourselves up and move on. Its hard but others have done it and so can we. I do believe in what goes around comes right back around. Time is the master for everything and everyone. Its not worth stressing for. At this moment all you have is YOU so the person you should care for is YOU. Time to care for ourselves and stop thinking about others. Its so funny we are here falling in depression, missing the person, not eating, looking like a hot mess etc. And the person has move on and living a happy life with his/her new partner.
    If they really loved us they wouldnt hv cheated in the first place. Once a cheater always a cheater. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before we meet the right one ๐Ÿ™‚

  31. Chris September 4, 2015 at 3:53 pm #

    This site bought me back to life…. thanks logan for such a strong lines….. yes, when our ex can live happily dumping us. Why shouldn’t we stay happy…..
    Stop mourning for her…. when they can move on even we can…. it was very tough for me for first 5 months…. I even contacted online wrote mails requesting her to comeback… but everything was ignored…. found she was enjoying life with others…. I was into deep grave thinking how she can do it….. but now I don’t even know when was the last time I thought about her.
    Time heals… fight back …. start living and loving yourself… god puts such ppl to show you how the worst part of world…. Just take time to over come…. no contact is best… implement it

  32. lynn September 26, 2015 at 6:57 am #

    am going through this experience now, the guy doesnt care, he all over a suddenly changed stopped calling ,texting , am always the one doing that, he says he stil luv me bt he wants space, he says he doesnt knw wats wrong with him, av bn with him 4 8 mnrhs, am so tired of this the past one month 4 me has been hell, am in a place i thot i would nevah go after my other ex did the same to me, i dnt want this back and forth, after this am going to delete his number, am happy coz i dnt knw the number off head, pliz help me am so done with men

  33. alfred December 29, 2015 at 9:20 am #

    thank you so much for this, for the moment it is really helping me and feel myself regaining strength

  34. BD January 3, 2016 at 6:22 pm #

    This is something what exactly happened to me. I recently saw my ex on FB, she got married. The feb 2016 was supposed to be our marriage month. But she got married to her Ex boyfriend in this December. But I frankly say that sometime I think I lost the motive of living. But this incident led me to cherophobia ..unfortnately. But I am trying hard to find the real me back.

    All the best to me..!

  35. Jane February 9, 2016 at 7:15 pm #

    I was only with my guy for a year, but I had worlds of hope for us. He seemed so perfect and gentlemanly and everything seemed so right. Then about 2 weeks after our anniversary he told me he didn’t love me and wasn’t mature enough for a serious relationship and that was that. Its been 3 months, and I still think of him and wonder what he’s doing and cry all the time. I feel like I shouldn’t have been so attached considering we were only together for a year, but I gave my best and he meant the world to me and I just feel so desperate and hopeless.

    • Loli February 10, 2016 at 4:03 pm #

      Hi jane,
      You just reminded me of myself, that i gave my best try hard.. did nothing.
      Just like yours told me didn’t love me and wasn’t serious.
      But dreams .plans. attachment hurts a lot.
      I hope we’ll be ok and forget all.

  36. Meesha February 13, 2016 at 8:21 am #

    Hi. I’ve read and read every lost on this and I love all the support. My story is the same, perhaps all of ours really is. The thing is I’ve always been the dumper and not the dumpee. Because I mostly return love and I’m not the first to invest my all. I’m scared all the time about getting hurt.
    So anyway. I joined a dating site last year, decided I’m going to search for the love I thought I deserved. I was getting anxious because I hadn’t experienced ‘love’ yet. Nothing serious- not in terms of friendships either. So I matched with my ex and it was wonderful. We never had any complications and I thought we understood each other well enough. Only he didn’t. He said we didn’t have the understanding of the couple that has been dating for so long and that he didn’t feel comfortable around me still. That we were still reserved, hesitant. He told me that we were different and sometimes things just don’t work out. I know him well enough to know that there is nothing external that prompted this and that he probably deliberated a lot before he reached this conclusion. So I fought with him, pleaded. But he said this one thing that made me realise that he had changed and I hadn’t just noticed it. “What do you think will be different next week if we tried again?”
    Everyone is different. Everyone has to compromise and negotiate their relationships. And all I have concluded is that he wasn’t into it the same way I was. Maybe both of us weren’t ready for this. It’s been a month and I’m dealing with self esteem issues and sadness all the time. But I’m fighting. He’s a really nice guy so I want to still be friends with him but I’m afraid I won’t be able to because I can’t deal with this change in him. I can’t be with this new guy who isn’t as attentive or patient or interested. So it’s more like I’m dealing with bereavement. I’ve lost a best friend. I used to text him about all of the stupidest details. I put all my eggs in one basket and I don’t have anymore. I’ve been reduced to a stereotype. I find I don’t like myself anymore.
    That being said, this feeling comes and goes. It’s definitely getting better.

    • Lynn February 23, 2016 at 10:18 pm #

      Meesha, it does get better and then it’ll stop hurting. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. My relationship ended mutually a couple of months ago. It lasted a year and a half and he was the first person I ever truly loved. It still hurts, but I am feeling better as more time passes. It also helped that I finally decided to stop all contact (after a little over a month of contact) and let go of any hope that we’ll get back together or even be friends. I have had time to reflect on the relationship. It was not what I thought it to be. The red flags were there and I ignored them. I see now that he idealized the relationship and me and it was too hard for him when things weren’t easy. He didn’t meet me halfway and that’s not something I will ever accept. He is also a good guy, but what he put into the relationship was not enough to make me feel wanted. I understand that feeling of not being enough or that there may be more you could’ve done or done differently, but it’s all the in the past. If you tried your best and it didn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to last. Learn and grow from it. I hope that helps.

      • Meesha February 25, 2016 at 7:26 pm #

        Thanks for responding Lynn. I’m so glad to learn by your example. It gives me immense hope to think that I will be where you are at in time.
        I recently talked to another ex boyfriend, (not the one I still miss like he’s my dead husband) and he told me how difficult it was for him to move on. But then he was able to find happiness and get this, happiness for me too. He was glad that I had found love and a person who could make such a difference in my life. And even though it didn’t work out I think it’s phenomenal to have this kind of maturity. I aspire to be so at peace too. At a place where anything about my ex won’t be able to bother me anymore. But everytime I still think about me I feel sad all over again and then I don’t feel like doing anything. Not even taking care of my health, all my other past times- watching movies, reading, listening to painstakingly made playlists, singing. It’s like nothing gives me any joy. If there was some way I could stop fantasising about my ex and me.. Any way?

        • Lynn February 26, 2016 at 3:00 am #

          Hi, Meesha. I’m sorry you’re still feeling very low. I’ve been proactive about keeping busy and feeling good about myself. I rock climb a couple of times a week; I’ve been keeping a digital journal to jot down any feelings about him or us; I’ve made goals like fixing small/big things in my apartment, or volunteering at least once a month. Perhaps cleaning out your closet to throw out or donate things you don’t need anymore. Go on walks to clear your head. Talk to close friends. You don’t have to talk their ears off about the relationship, but just be honest and say you still aren’t 100%. Keep reminding yourself that you are awesome and will get through this. And when you’re ready, you will eventually find love again.

      • Meesha February 25, 2016 at 7:40 pm #

        Thanks for responding Lynn. I’m so glad to learn by your example. It gives me immense hope to think that I will be where you are at in time.
        I recently talked to another ex boyfriend, (not the one I still miss like he’s my dead husband) and he told me how difficult it was for him to move on. But then he was able to find happiness and get this, happiness for me too. He was glad that I had found love and a person who could make such a difference in my life. And even though it didn’t work out I think it’s phenomenal to have this kind of maturity. I aspire to be so at peace too. At a place where anything about my ex won’t be able to bother me anymore.
        But everytime I still think about me I feel sad all over again and then I don’t feel like doing anything. Not even taking care of my health, all my other past times- watching movies, reading, listening to painstakingly made playlists, singing. It’s like nothing gives me any joy. If there was some way I could stop fantasising about my ex and me.. Any way?
        Also how can I start to wrap my head around the fact that he has changed and doesn’t or even isn’t supposed to care for me anymore. That him being cold to me is a natural response?

        • Lynn March 2, 2016 at 3:08 am #

          I can’t say what’s the motive for your ex’s post-breakup behavior towards you, but I am refusing to let my ex into my life now. I am not speaking to him or trying to be friendly. I am keeping my distance to heal and it is not easy, but it is for the best. I have not stopped caring about him, but he hurt me, and I am not accepting that as a part of my life anymore. If you start to fantasize about what could have been, remind yourself of the bad things and fantasize about what you would say to him now and how he hurt you and you deserve better. Write it down if you have to. Remember that what he’s doing, who he’s with and what he feels about you or the relationship does not matter any more. What YOU feel and how YOU are doing is what you need to focus on.

  37. Sai March 4, 2016 at 7:51 am #

    I think it’s important to judge when you feel vulnerable correctly. Often I find that when I’m feeling stable and good about myself that I cna drop in a message to my ex which when you’re not so overwhelmed, you realise that it would hinder your progress. If you want to make a friend of your ex too, remember that you, like Lynn said have to be 100%. So be honest about how you feel. Try not to make hasty decisions when you’re either too low or too happy.

  38. Aniket March 21, 2016 at 3:58 am #

    my 1year gf brokeup with me 2months ago bec her brother and father read the text which i have sent her and a i love u baby message which is sent by her school freind. After that she decided to broke up with me but did not stop to talk to that guy because he help her in studies as they both are in same course(my gf is doing through correspondence and he is from regular college). This breakup totaly devastated me and i beg to her to come back but she didnot she even said that she is in love with that guy (i dont she was lying or not).but she kept coming and leaving again . She blocked me from every where and then after 2-3days she unblocked me then text me and call me and then say that how much she misses me , wants to hug me, And also said that she feel regret that why she done this all and always praises about that guy nd when i told that dont tell me about that guy i dont feel gud then she just say sorry and after that she again blocked me . This block unblock game and same dialogues were exchanged after every 3-4day. One day i asked her if u have to choose between me and that guy to whom she will save she said that she will save both and cant choose one becuse he is friend and i was her love. But from 13march i m not picking up her phones calls and not responding toher text. 2days ago my sister text her and asked that whether she is in love with that guy but she replied that he is just a friend and also said that why u guys always asked about him and sometimes she frustated by these question and think that she should come in relation with that guy by force. My sister also asked her whether she wants to come again with me she replied that she dont know any thing and currently she wants to be alone and then she blocked my sister too. My sister told me about these next morning. Now what should i do? If she call me again should i receive ? After 2days HOLI is coming should i wish her or not over phone or mesgs? And plz guys help me to know that whether she will come in my life or not.and should i accept her if she again come in my life?

  39. CS March 26, 2016 at 12:49 am #

    My ex broke up with me 8 years ago for another man. Months after the breakup I block all of her contacts. Since then I thought I’ve moved on. I married a wonderful woman and have a young daughter together. Over the years I would think of my ex every now and then but I have shaken off any thoughts of any contacts. Recently I made the mistake of looking over the internet and found her and her husband (the man she broke up with me for) and daughter. Seeing her so beautiful and happy left me hurting again. I thought I’m a weirdo but I found I’m not alone from some of the stories posted on this site. I agree with John above, that this wound might never heal. All I can do is try my best to keep this pain dull and focus on my wife and daughter.

  40. danerm May 6, 2016 at 6:30 am #

    2 months ago, my boyfriend for more than 7 years broke up with me and his only reason is that he wants to experience life outside our relationship; he wants to decide on his own and grow. We’ve been together since we were 19 so basically we grew up together from college students to young professionals. We made plans for our future and to be honest I really thought we had the same goals or maybe, somewhere along the way, his goals changed and sadly, I’m not part of it anymore. He’s my first boyfriend and the pain’s very unfamiliar; all i know is that it hurts a lot and it changes me. I’m struggling every day because I always think of him. I’m still having a hard time accepting the fact that he could hurt me this much by throwing away our relationship all of a sudden. I did not even see it coming. The most frustrating thing is that even he left me, there’s still a part of that’s hoping he’ll come back. I still love him. I’m doing my best to move forward but I know there’s a small piece of myself that does not want to let go. I’m a lot better than the first few weeks after the breakup but I know I’m still far from getting over our relationship. How can you make things normal again when the normal life that you know is a life with him?

  41. vuyani May 30, 2016 at 8:23 am #

    @ anniket I knw what you are going through its very hard when you love someone but they keep playing with your emotions,its clear that your ex is confused and is stringing you along in case it doesn’t work out with the other guy,her behaviour is inconsidarate,its as if she doenst care about your feelings,I think you should just move on and if she tries to contact you ignore other wise you will keep on hurting yourself

  42. emily September 22, 2016 at 3:49 pm #

    I’m 21. I had a crush on a guy and we started talking… eventually i fell in love with him but I found out that he had a girlfriend (through someone else). but later I got to know from him that his gf had cheated on him once and he wanted to breakup with her(which made me happy) finally he broke up with her and we got into a relationship…. he was very happy with me and promised to marry me…but after a 1.5 months he said he was still not over his ex and he went back to her but i continued to remain his friend….we would share each and everything, we were like best friends and we shared a very good bond but soon his gf started having problem with us talking and he stopped talking to me…but we share the same classes and sometimes I find him staring at me…i still love him a lot. what should i do?

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