When you start the arduous journey to break-up recovery there is one thing that most people have in common: the destructive feeling of being alone and helpless.
What helps us endure those challenges of life is the knowledge that there are others before you who went the same path and their acquired wisdom: a breakup success story.
Allowing the possibility that you WILL make it and come out of this experience renewed will give you strength and boost your confidence. It even may give you the initial push to finally start your recovery.
The only problem is that those who moved on usually don’t look back, be it to avoid pain or just because they simply don’t want to look back.
But – as you know – luckily there are exceptions. Those who understand that looking back is also part of the healing process, it’s where we connect the dots together in order to make the last step into independence.
Our dear reader Ronin decided to come back and share his own experiences with his break-up.
This is his story.
Breakup Success Story from our reader Ronin
I remember back when I was first dumped, one of the main things that discouraged me was the very low ratio of success stories versus tales of heartbreak, misery and loneliness. The thing is, once someone heals from the traumatic experience of being heartbroken, they usually tend to carry on with their lives and do not go back to support those who are new to the experience. Of course, some people are an exception to this rule, but that’s how it usually works in my experience.
So, I promised myself some months ago that I would come back when I feel better to encourage those who are just starting their bittersweet experience of healing.
Very quickly about myself – I was with a girl for 3 years, planned to marry her, but was forced to leave the country temporarily for work. Long story short, after less than 3 months of me being away (I would fly to see her every month) she told me she wasn’t in love with me any more, broke up with me and told me there was someone else.
A month after breaking up with me she was already with the new guy, with me having to purchase a magnifying glass to look for the pieces of my shattered heart. Now, I’m an athletic / macho type of guy and have always been considered as very self-controlled and tough, but this break up really got to me.
I was a wreck.
I lost my job because of it, couldn’t concentrate for weeks and cried in the proud loneliness of my sad apartment.
The break up was over 4 months ago. I maintained contact and it was WRONG. VERY WRONG.
All I could do is facebook-stalk her, her friends, etc, waiting for the moment she posts photos of her with her new boyfriend. And soon enough she did! Oh the joy of looking at the person you wanted to be with for the rest of your life (the person who swore her undying love for you) kissing with someone she left you for, with so much joy in their eyes… How wonderfully cruel life can be!
So I cut off contact.
This is the best advice I can give to ANYONE in that situation – do it!
I kept contact thinking she might come to her senses and want to get back with me (although I had promised myself I would never take her back – the paradox of human nature, right?). But it just ended up hurting me more.
Once I deleted her everything became so much MORE EASY to handle. It really does give you back the control and it is a wonderful feeling. Go for it – cut contact.
The thing is, unless your ex partner is a complete tool, you can always re-establish contact with them years later if you so wish. And if they won’t accept you back as a friend, then you are really so much better off without a small person like that.
So yeah, now I am single and yes, I do still think of her sometimes, etc., but it doesn’t hurt me anymore. Before, every single memory of her would cause me an unbearable amount of pain. Not any more.
So PLEASE, cut contact, follow what the articles on this website say, and know that it will get better and better. The pain will go away – for some more slowly than for others, but it will fade into the past.
Make positive efforts to let go of the past, forgive everyone and try to develop a positive outlook at life. If you can’t do it right away, fake it until you make it! 🙂
If this post cheers up at least one person out there, I will be very happy! Like I said, I felt the need of seeing more stories like this when I was crying out salty tears…
The key to Ronin’s recovery was to finally start following the no-contact rule. The no-contact rule is THE precondition to fast recovery, as I have written so many times.
This is by far the fastest, least painful and most effective way.
I hope that Ronin’s story will help you to conquer all the obstacles the no-contact rule imposes on you and that you too will reach the end of the road called recovery as soon as possible.
But don’t forget to come back and share your experiences when you’re there.