When you start the arduous journey to break-up recovery there is one thing that most people have in common: the destructive feeling of being alone and helpless.
What helps us endure those challenges of life is the knowledge that there are others before you who went the same path and their acquired wisdom: a breakup success story.
Allowing the possibility that you WILL make it and come out of this experience renewed will give you strength and boost your confidence. It even may give you the initial push to finally start your recovery.
The only problem is that those who moved on usually don't look back, be it to avoid pain or just because they simply don't want to look back.
But – as you know – luckily there are exceptions. Those who understand that looking back is also part of the healing process, it's where we connect the dots together to make the last step into independence.
Our dear reader Ronin decided to come back and share his own experiences with his break-up.
This is his story.
Breakup Success Story from our reader Ronin
“Hey, guys!
I remember back when I was first dumped, one of the main things that discouraged me was the very low ratio of success stories versus tales of heartbreak, misery, and loneliness. The thing is, once someone heals from the traumatic experience of being heartbroken, they usually tend to carry on with their lives and do not go back to support those who are new to the experience. Of course, some people are an exception to this rule, but that's how it usually works in my experience.
So, I promised myself some months ago that I would come back when I feel better to encourage those who are just starting their bittersweet experience of healing.
Very quickly about myself – I was with a girl for three years, planned to marry her, but was forced to leave the country temporarily for work. Long story short, after less than three months of me being away (I would fly to see her every month) she told me she wasn't in love with me anymore, broke up with me and told me there was someone else.
A month after breaking up with me she was already with the new guy, with me having to purchase a magnifying glass to look for the pieces of my shattered heart. Now, I'm an athletic / macho type of guy and have always been considered as very self-controlled and tough, but this break up really got to me.
I was a wreck.
I lost my job because of it, couldn't concentrate for weeks and cried in the proud loneliness of my sad apartment.
The break up was over 4 months ago. I maintained contact and it was WRONG. VERY WRONG.
All I could do is facebook-stalk her, her friends, etc, waiting for the moment she posts photos of her with her new boyfriend. And soon enough she did! Oh the joy of looking at the person you wanted to be with for the rest of your life (the person who swore her undying love for you) kissing with someone she left you for, with so much joy in their eyes… How wonderfully cruel life can be!
So I cut off contact.
This is the best advice I can give to ANYONE in that situation – do it!
I kept contact thinking she might come to her senses and want to get back with me (although I had promised myself I would never take her back – the paradox of human nature, right?). But it just ended up hurting me more.
Once I deleted her everything became so much MORE EASY to handle. It really does give you back the control and it is a wonderful feeling. Go for it – cut contact.
The thing is, unless your ex-partner is a complete tool, you can always re-establish contact with them years later if you so wish. And if they won't accept you back as a friend, then you are really so much better off without a small person like that.
So yeah, now I am single and yes, I do still think of her sometimes, etc., but it doesn't hurt me anymore. Before, every single memory of her would cause me an unbearable amount of pain. Not any more.
So PLEASE, cut contact, follow what the articles on this website say, and know that it will get better and better. The pain will go away – for some more slowly than for others, but it will fade into the past.
Make positive efforts to let go of the past, forgive everyone and try to develop a positive outlook at life. If you can't do it right away, fake it until you make it! 🙂
If this post cheers up at least one person out there, I will be very happy! Like I said, I felt the need of seeing more stories like this when I was crying out salty tears…
Ronin”
The key to Ronin's recovery was to finally start following the no-contact rule. The no-contact rule is THE precondition to fast recovery, as I have written so many times.
This is by far the fastest, least painful and most efficient way.
I hope that Ronin's story will help you to conquer all the obstacles the no-contact rule imposes on you and that you too will reach the end of the road called recovery as soon as possible.
But don't forget to come back and share your experiences when you're there.
Your friend,
Eddie Corbano
Its a road everyone will meet upon at least one point in thier life. Life goes on. People change. We need to remember that everyone as the right to change thier mind. Yes we love/loved but we need to remember its a give n take thing. Im hurting also after almost 3 months of breakup and no contact. He haven’t contacted me and he’s the one who hurt me, so why should I? Lets pick ourselves up and move on. Its hard but others have done it and so can we. I do believe in what goes around comes right back around. Time is the master for everything and everyone. Its not worth stressing for. At this moment all you have is YOU so the person you should care for is YOU. Time to care for ourselves and stop thinking about others. Its so funny we are here falling in depression, missing the person, not eating, looking like a hot mess etc. And the person has move on and living a happy life with his/her new partner.
If they really loved us they wouldnt hv cheated in the first place. Once a cheater always a cheater. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before we meet the right one 🙂
Hello Mayan,
I felt I had no one to talk to and have been dealing with my situation on my own, god it’s been so hard, hardest time of my life ever. I am sorry about your hurt, please look after yourself ,and maybe some days will get better, I pray every night that mine will, am always willing to talk to people , it helps and that includes you too.
I’m writing now because there’s no one I could talk to about how I feel. Last Saturday, after work, around 7pm, I decided to open my boyfriend’s facebook acct to check on his messages.I’ve known his facebook password for quite some time but I dont open his acct because I trust him and there is no space for doubts. Last night was different. I checked his messages and found out that he’s exchanging messages with another girl and there were talks about their past esp their “rated xxx experiences” and how they’d love to do it again. The messages were dated May 11 and May 12, and we just celebrated our 4th year last May 5. I was crying the whole time I didnt finish reading everything. We talked about this and I decided to end up the relationship because I felt disrespected, hurt, lied and dumped. He asked for a chance but hell no. I love him, but I love myself more. I know this will not be easy, but I know I’ll carry on.
My ex broke it off with me a year ago. It’ll be a year in June. He told me he had feeling for another girl he use to hang out as friends with. A year later I miss him but not nearly as much. I’m angry with him still…and at times I have to stop myself from thinking about him. You’ll be okay. I am. I smile and I even got into graduate school this past year. I’ve moved on to bigger and more successful things. Yes it’s hard…and many things will make you want to move backwards but don’t. Keep working hard…go out with friends. Smile..watch tv..read. Do things for yourself…accomplish something new and one day you’ll realize a year has gone by and you’re doing just fine. You’ll realize that maybe in another year it won’t even matter anymore. My next step is to just go to school and be part of another world. To enjoy and one day forger he was even a part of my life.
I posted on the 15th February.
Today I write that after 5 months of break up, my divorce will be final after another 4 weeks . She will have nothing to do with me at all then. I am trying really hard to look for the future, but at the moment I am just lonely with no one on the horizon . I have been told she is dating someone and has been for a while. I have some indifferent days now, and I still feel some bitterness towards her and can’t forgive the pain she has put me through. I want her to hurt like I have. I have said to her I don’t want to see her again, or speak to her again or hear about her again either, no contact does help me. I try to avoid driving past my old house and past the way she walks to and from work. I suppose until these things don’t bother me, I cannot heal completely, maybe I won’t . But I do keep saying to myself that there is nothing I can do to change the situation, and that we are going in the opposite direction and that better things await me in the future, and one day I will look back with no regrets, hope so…..
So me and my girlfriend broke up of 4 years she was so perfect for me she was I mean she would do anything I ask her sexual and little things I started love day after day she cheated on me twice and I took her back I’m in love with this girl so I took her back because of my love now I was never clingy or whatever u like to call it but the past months I wanted to be with her all the time I live with her btw but to make this short she told me yesturday that she was done with me because she needs to work on her inner self and bs like that so she came home today and grab all her shit and left she hugged me and I cry like never before she hurt me so bad like all I’ve been doing is laying down and sobbing like at this point I don’t know what to do I feel like my life has no meaning no purpose I was going to marry her too have kids but now it’s like nothing and then she left and said she loves me trying to give me hope that she not really leaving but she’s gone what do I do ?
A guy Just left me… over night… like yesterday he was sweet, good and lovey-dovey…. but today he acts like a stranger… i don’t know why…. he cuts my calls and doesnt reply to my messages…. i don’t know why…….. I cant breathe now… I cant move on …. I cant sleep …. I don’t know how Ill move forward … to see those blue ticks in whatsapp.. i feel lost….. what is going to happen to my life? I feel broken… he is not telling the reason behind this change…. he doesn’t even want to talk…. where do i stand….. i am living with this for two months…
I have been heartbroken for more than 3 years and it was a very messy situation. Things have evolved greatly since then, but I still think about her quite a bit. I have seen other women, and for the most part think I can do OK, but I still feel a lot of anger inside of me because of the way she did it. We were not together for long, but it was passionate and intense and she used me as her rebound without ever acknowledging it. I tried to get in touch a few months after initial breakup to understand why, but she wouldn’t give me any closure and, as far as she was concerned, she had moved on and scrapped me from her life.
I found it very hard initially to move on, and now the damage to my ability to trust others and myself in many situations has been real. I wish I could talk to her and express my anger and how I felt towards it, but I realise it will be a poiintless exercise.
Please help me, I want to move on with my life and be happy in love again,
thanks
A
My ex broke up with me after 14yrs together in December 2014. My whole world was completely shattered, she quickly filed for divorce and made it clear there was no way back. Despite on one occasion me thinking of ending it all. I really struggled at work as she works in the same building, but I have managed to avoid seeing her or speaking to her apart from mediation , when we discussed finances.i felt that I had lost my wife my step daughters and my home in one swoop. With no choice in the matter. I am now living in the spare room at my mums while she has a four bedroom. House. So not fare. I have since discovered that she can’t get the funds to buy me out and has to sell the house, I can’t help thinking good, it’s what she deserves for hurting me so much. I have had a couple of dates, but nothing to write home about , as of yet I don’t know if she has someone else, but she can do what she likes cause we,re not together anymore, I have kept a diary since the split today is day 74, it’s still hard, have times where I get so down. Just got to sell house and send divorce through, but it’s been the longest winter and most painful time of my life.
Thank you so much i was looking at her facebook everyday and that hurted me and im gonna delete her you inspired me and you are the best thank you so much!
Being in love is one of the most powerful feelings that we can experience and replacing those feelings has been a difficult challenge. My story begins with a girl who I fell madly in love after a couple of dates. We had a wonderful two years together and I was certain I was going to marry this woman. She was constantly fearing losing me and always made sure to tell me ow much I meant to her. Unfortunately, I had to move to a city 10 hours away to attend grad school. I never doubted that our long distance relationship would suffer and loosing my girlfriend was the last possible outcome that could occur in my mind. Two months into my study, I fell into a depression that turned me into a quite, agitated zombie. As time went on, she started with “we’ve grown apart”, “people change”, and phrases that seemed to hint that our relationship was no longer the same. I called her one day to tell her I was withdrawing from my program and that I planned to return home in an effort to return to my usual self. At the time, I was an emotional wreck and had hit the lowest point ever in my life. She stated that she wanted a break and a week later our relationship was ended by her. She left me when I needed her the most and when she was all that mattered to me. Since she no longer wanted me in her life, I avoided contacting her. She text me on holidays and in between to see how I was doing. As I will always love this woman, I responded to her text but plan to eventually ignore them in an effort to move forward. Although my depression may have genetic links, I was unable to adapt to my new environment because I no longer had the life with the person that meant the world to me.
Hi there, I’m 26 and I dated a girl for two months from July to September. We saw each other twice a week until the end of September. After that she started her masters year at university, she said we should put things on hold as work for that and her part time job became very intense. Texting instantly stopped and would only sometimes text back if I text her. I only initiated no contact a month ago. Now because things did not end bad, I kept her on facebook but deleted her number. I’ve also disciplined myself to not look on fb and all my updates come via email. I also got rid of the apps. I think she is dating someone else from her course. I did feel awful but now have just stopped and started moving on. First girl I ever really liked I’m 26 and feel like it was my fault and there is something wrong with me
Hi I’d like to share my story too. I was with my ex fb for almost 6 years. In the beginning everything was ok, never perfect as he didn’t respect me at all….I was stupid enough to think that would change. I was a happy and popular person before him….I spent the next 6 years in a deep depression and constantly seeing different counsellor a to try and deal with what was my new life.
2 years ago we built our dream home together. From the day it was finished he completely shut me down and treated me like I was nothing. Little did I know he was working towards saving his money to be rid of me. Sure enough, 12 months ago he broke it off and I lost everything. My house and belongings, family and friends. He is very manipulative and got to everyone and told them what a bad person I was and that I had cheated….never ever happened. This has all had such a terrible effect on me as I really hate to not be like by everyone!! So over the 12 months I have never once contacted him – but he contacts me every couple of months just to check up I think. Up until 2 weeks ago I hadn’t answered him the last 2 or 3 times. Then yesterday I discovered while snooping on FB that he has sold our home and bought another more expensive one plus bought a new car. Yet he supposedly doesn’t have the money to pay me off sooner what he owes me from our settlement. I now feel like I’m back to step one almost, and that really annoys me!
Hi. It’s nice to know I’m not alone with this. I was dumped by my boyfriend 5 months ago. Things were perfect although he always had issues getting over with his ex who left him 6 years prior to meeting me. He never told me but I felt he was still bitter with his ex. Anyway, I can’t get over him. It was a short relationship but the happiest I’ve been. He left me out of the blue, told me he wants to be happy, and needs to be alone. It hurt so much as we’ve planned trips, our future. I still cry until now almost everyday. I haven’t heard from him since the break up. I blocked him on facebook but he never bothered texting. I don’t know if I will get over him soon. I can’t even bring myself to liking other men, even if they show interest n me.
I love my ex so much, last night I almost contacted his friend to pour my feelings out. I’m glad I didnt. Day at a time… All I want is for me to forget him.
hi …
i am a indian guy
my ex left me after 2 yr of relationship
that was my mistake i take her as granted.
but now she moved on
the oproblem is she is in my collage and we contact each other daily we see each other daily that was really worst part
i have to spend 3 more year with her
that kill me from inside
i want to move on but nothing seems clear
i really need help
i lover her alot
My first girlfriend i had left me for her ex. I lost my virginity to her and it hurt me that we were together for only four months. She even hung up on me when i tried asking her what i did wrong. She brole my heart! I sent her a message explaing my feelings to her and wished her goodluck in life (was that a bad idea?). Its been a few weeks after the break up, I will not contact her and I know I will get over her because I’m a doer.
I recently had a bad breakup..He was my first crush..we got in touch an year ago..he confessed his feelings and persuaded me to think about it..i also fell for him. although we lived in different cities, but i always thought it will work out, since he made me believe so. Soon we were madly in love, he committed to me and even discussed marrying me someday. It was all like a dream but i trusted him completely. Just a month ago..he started getting weird. even after a normal fight, he used to vanish and ignore my calls and msgs for days, until i begged him to talk to me. I ignored all of this, thinking that this might be a part of his nature and it will take him sometime to change. I gave my 100% and he always said that he’s lucky to have me and that i deserve a better guy. Anyways, so just a week ago, i proposed a trip that will help us settle down. I convinced my family and got the tickets booked..he was also okay with that. Infact he seemed excited, however he again got weird and stopped calling and then just after a few days he said i need a break and i wana be sure about my feelings, he convinced me that this is for the good. I also agreed, thinking that he will call me soon. but its been 5 days, he didn msg or call me. I tried calling him, but he didn’t pick. Now, I have made up my mind that i dont want to be with such a guy who needs break from me every fortnight. That’s now love! But the sad part is he left me hanging. I deserved a closure! Anyways, it is very depressing, b’coz every single thing reminds me of him and somewhere i knew that this was for real. He convinced me that he will never leave me, but he left me without giving any explanation! I have this urge to yell at him and make him feel guilty. But i am so hurt that i don’t want any contact with him. Still i feel that he should realise how selfishly he behaved! I spent a good amount of money on this trip, even paid for his tickets! But he just walked away! I am hopeless and miserable!! How can he just walk away that easily??
my story is horrible sad and cruel. I was traumatized when he told me he wanted to move on. I was manipulated so bad and feel so stupid humiliated and used. time helps stop the crying but the sadness, confusion, thinking continues. if I could turn off my brain, forget, and forgive myself for being so nice and stupid to such a mean selfish evil person. its easy to say time helps but living the time is horrible. I have so much to be happy for and trying so hard to feel happy and appreciate how lucky I am.
Is it normal to feel so deprressed for 2days after 2weeks of blocking my ex out?? Im so hurt we whur together 3years an within 1month hes already searching other ladys on facebook😢😢 he was a soft kind hearted person
Does anyone have advice!???😢
Im so down ive been great past 2weeks focusing on my life but 2days hve been extremely hard
my boyfriend and i were together for 6 years. we were together throughout high school and then for years after… we talked about getting married and travelling together and everything a future could hold. we were best friends, soul mates and the thought of us breaking up or even taking a break from each other was laughable to both of us. i never imagined my life without him. march this year, he told me he needed space. he wanted to take a break. the mere idea of it was too much for me to handle and i went crazy. our break up was dragged out for two whole months, even through my birthday. on top of my anxiety, i was diagnosed with depression. for the two months of our break up, we continued to see each other, sleep together, even though he said he didn’t love me anymore, even though he’d become a completely different person and had even started taking drugs. i just didn’t know how to be apart from him.
one night i found out he’d been ‘catching up’ with a few girls behind my back. one of them being one of my best friends. i cut contact the next day for over a month. the next time we caught up, he invited me to a party; i didn’t want to go, because i didn’t feel comfortable. but, i wanted to show him that i was feeling better and i missed seeing my friends (the ‘best friends’ that hadn’t contacted me once all this time). i went to the party and i walked in to seeing him hooking up with my best friend. i don’t think i’ve ever felt so alone in my life. to add to it all, the next day, my dog died and i lost my job a month later.
it’s been seven months.. i don’t cry everyday like i used to, but he took everything when he left me. i can’t watch certain movies or shows anymore, listen to certain music, look through photos. people that i thought were my closest friends chose him over me. we’d gone to japan last year, a place i loved more than anywhere else in the world, and it hurts to even think of it now.
now christmas is so close, and the pure excitement and love i feel around this time of year is completely gone. i understand that i’m not in love with him anymore, just with the memories that we’d shared, but that hurts just as much. i feel like he was able to forget about me so quickly and my life is stuck in this downward spiral that i can’t get out of.
i consider myself one of the strongest people i know after all of this, but some days are a lot harder than others. i get scared for the future now i’m not with him and i don’t have a job, but i know i’ll be okay again one day. it’s just nice to read about other people’s experiences and to know i’m not alone.
Mea you are not alone. We have all survived from the darkest days. Just hang in there and things will get easier.
My girlfriend broke up with me 3 months ago. She is 10 years older than me (26) and is a widow (36). She has a 16 year old daughter who is into school right now.
We were in a relationship for only 7 months but it feels as if we have loved each other for 70 years. The reason she cited for leaving me is her daughters future and her family as its very difficult for her to find good alliances for her daughter when she gets married after 5 years and the fact that her family wouldn’t accept me because i was too young and this would only lead her to lose her self respect in front the society.
I accepted her daughter as mine and she did too. I have loved my ex girl friend so much. It feels as if I have too much burden on my heart without her. I really care for her and will do for the rest of my life. I cant even have NC as I work under her as a subordinate and I get to face her everyday. I cant just leave the job for the heck of it as I have responsibilities. She only wants to be friends with me and I want to give her whatever she wants but I am afraid I am unable to do so. I have been into depression since 3 months and am currently into medication which I discontinued after taking a vacation thinking I would be fine without that because its becoming a habit now. I don’t know. Whenever she has problems, I try and help her out in someway as a friend but the thought inside myself is burning me. She is happy and all smiles without me enjoying her life. Everything around me reminds me of her. I don’t know as I really want to have control upon myself but I have never ending feelings for her. She has clearly told me a week ago that she no longer has feelings for me as she has killed them for the sake of her daughter. She only wants to be a friend. I only wish I come out of this pain. God help me because I unable to concentrate on my personal life and my work has been terrible at office.
J broke-up with me 27 years ago and it was hard but I moved on and now married and have a teenage daughter. Through the years I would think of her but never made any contact. Recently I started thinking of J and started checking the internet and found pictures of her and her husband. Seeing how beautiful and happy she is left me hurting once again. I have no intention of contacting her. Don’t need to cause pain for her family or mine. I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone about this. I have come to realize that this dull pain might never go away. My only solace is maybe in heaven we’ll be able to talk without human emotions getting in the way.
John even after 27years. . Wow! You must really have loved J very much. Don’t be embarrassed it must feel good to have written it down and it shows that you don’t want to cause hurt to anyone. NC really is the right way while we still have feelings even after many years it can still hurt. Thankyou for sharing your story.
Molly thanks for reading and commenting. I feel a little better after reading some of the stories / advice on this site. I have a better understanding of what I’m going through. I’ll try to read them all and comment on some. I also decided to devote 100% of my time to my wife and daughter. I don’t want to short change them for something they know nothing about. My goal is to live in the present and think about the future.