In part 1 we talked about how to know when we are consumed by anger, what anger really is and why it can be fatal to “stew” in it.
Today, I want to show you some ways for you to express your anger, and how to get rid of it without harming others or yourself.
First of all, I want you to realize that feelings of anger and hate after a break up or divorce are very human. We committed ourselves emotionally to one person, renounced many other things which were important for us just to be with him/her, hoping it would last forever.
Then the beloved person leaves. All our hopes and dreams were shattered. Who wouldn't be angry or even hateful?
Please don't condemn yourself for feeling this anger. It's normal and understandable.
You have the right to be angry!
Allow yourself to feel this anger but forbid yourself to express the anger in harmful violent ways.
Remember: you alone are responsible for your feelings and not your Ex. They've decided to leave, but it's your responsibility to free yourself from all negative emotions.
If you cannot express your negative feelings and try keeping them inside, you will postpone the healing process and even worse: the negative emotions will lead to depression and physical discomforts.
Let's get rid of them, shall we?
7 Ways of Getting Rid of Your Anger After a Break Up:
1. Do some Visualization
Visualize how you let it all out on your Ex. Imagine it in as much detail as possible – how you confront, punish and attack them verbally. You may even picture how you punch them in their face. Visualize everything you would do to get “revenge”.
Do this as long as you need to until your rage and anger are starting to taper off.
Research has proven that your bodies will react in the same way – as if you had done it in reality. You will feel an ease, and you have the advantage that you haven't done anything which you have to regret later.
This may feel very weird at the beginning, but can help you tremendously in the long term.
2. Scream it out loud
Take your car and drive to a deserted place with no people around and shut the windows.
Then, take a deep breath and scream your heart out! Scream as long and as loud as you can.
Do this as long as you can, but be careful to not damage your voice.
Take a break and start over again.
You will feel a huge release, because we do not tend to get loud – society doesn't like it. To cry out your anger, (even with insults – don't worry, nobody hears it), will feel reaaaally good, especially if you are inclined to keep everything bottled up inside.
Trust me on this one.
3. Hit it, Baby
This is my personal favorite.
Get a punching bag somewhere and beat the crap out of it. Be careful that you do not hurt yourself. Every time you hit it, scream out load the name of your Ex and send him/her to hell.
Because of the screaming it might be a good idea to do this in private.
Here's a variation of that, something I discovered by accident:
Go to a nearby forest with no people around. Look for a baseball bat-like wooden stick and find the most robust tree nearby. Then again, beat it up as hard as you can (take care to not damage the tree or yourself).
Scream out loud all the evil things you wished to do to your Ex with every hit.
You will feel reborn after this.
There is also one technique you can do at home: take some ice cubes from your fridge, go to the bathroom and smash the cubes, while screaming out loud, on the floor.
These methods will really help to release your anger but it is important to take it seriously and to ignore the feelings of being silly.
4. Write it, Baby
Take a moment of quiet. Relax, sit down and write a letter addressed to your Ex, his family or his boss. But DO NOT POST this letter.
Express what your Ex did to you, how you despise it. Put all the reproaches you have against your Ex in it.
Then shred or burn it and let your anger go.
Writing these letters and not posting them has the advantage of being able to abandon your victimhood safely.
5. Yes, sports please
I always recommend explicitly to take part in sports after a break up or divorce. This helps especially to let go of your anger, among other very helpful things.
Be active, use your body. If you never have been a “sporty” person, now is the right time to start.
This is a variation of no.1.
Take an empty chair and place it in the middle of your room. Now imagine your Ex sitting on it.
Start an imaginary discussion with him/her. Tell them all of the things you want to accuse them of doing to you. Yell, curse, shout, let yourself go, give free rein to your rage.
Do this as long as you feel you need to.
7. Entrust it to your diary
Keeping a diary is always a good idea. After a break up, it can help you to focus your mind and thoughts and it has the benefit that you conserve them for later viewing.
As a variation to no.4 you could write down all of the situations that are making you angry into your diary.
Start with sentences like “I am mad because you did…”, “I hate you because you…”, “I felt very hurt as you…”
You will feel relieved when you write all of this down in the diary. Like you've written it down and unburdened your soul.
Some of these exercises may seem ridiculous to you, but I strongly recommend you try them all. You will find that some help you more, some less, but there is most certainly an exercise which fits exactly for you.
When you find YOUR method, use it every day you feel this anger inside of you.
One day you will notice that there's no more of it left. Then you'll know that you've entered phase 3.
But there is still another form of anger left: the anger and hate you feel towards yourself!
I'm going to talk about this problem in the next article: dealing with anger after a break up part 3/3.
Until then, hit it baby!