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The First Step In Break-Up Recovery

“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
– Martin Luther King, Jr.

Take the first step in faith.

That’s a lot to ask when it comes to starting the 60 days of No-Contact for getting over the person you once were so close with.

After a break-up, the first thing that’s usually on our mind is restoring the status that was before. No matter the cost.

All we want is for things to go back to as we were again – before everything fell apart.

“We’ll work it out once we are back together again”. That’s often the plan.

But we so easily ignore the cracks that were in the relationship.

We ask ourselves all kinds of questions, like for example, “Why won’t the Ex work on patching things up?” or, “Why have they given up on us?”

The answers elude us… at least in the beginning.

It takes a lot of pain, denial and embarrassment until we finally come to the conclusion that we can’t go on like this.

Something has to change.

What we might or might not realize at this time, is that the “change” must be more radical than we thought.

Staying friends with the Ex and pretending that nothing has happened doesn’t work – something we might learn the hard way.

An addict cannot recover when the “drug” is right in front of them.

That is why a lasting solution can only be to remove the “drug”.

Since I’ve started to teach “break-up recovery” late in 2005, my approach has always been that the concept of No-Contact was indispensable for breaking the Ex-Addiction and getting over them.

And since then, I’ve constantly looked for better and more effective ways to help people to go through 60 days of No-Contact much easier and less painful.

My Ex-Detox System is in reference to that.

The main two problems most people have with following the No-Contact Rule are:

  1. We’re afraid that we miss chances
  2. We cannot stand the emotional turmoil

That is why so many of us are afraid to take the first step.

Or we take the step, but jump back two steps right away and give up.

I really know how it feels. You know that I’ve been there.

It feels as if an important part of your body and soul is missing. And you want to know the whereabouts of that missing “part”, because you feel that you can’t live without it.

So we stay put… maybe they will change their mind.

But believe me, this is all an illusion. A self-imposed limitation.

We CAN do all the things we thought were unthinkable. We CAN live without our Ex. We CAN even thrive after that.

All it takes is your willingness to try. To take the first step.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
– Lao-tzu

Today I invite ALL of you to take the first step.

Take this first step in faith, even IF you don’t see the staircase, even IF you don’t believe in the efficiency of No-Contact.

Believe in yourself and believe in your recovery.

Write the No-Contact letter, (see my newsletter for details), and cut off contact completely for 60 days.

I know that you are afraid… even terrified.

But IF you want to heal and use this experience to be more confident and successful, then you HAVE to take this first step.

Once you take that step, I can almost guarantee that you will LOVE the staircase… once you see it.

So, don’t think too much about it… just do it and before you know it your recovery will have started.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

P.S.: Have you started No-Contact already? How were the first days? Please tell me below in the comment-section.

127 Responses to The First Step In Break-Up Recovery

  1. Mae Joy July 19, 2014 at 1:03 am #

    Hi to all! My first time to write. Im on the 9th day after my ex dumped me & 3rd day of the NC rule. Everything is still so fresh to me, the anger, the pain & the urge to let him know how i am doing coz i wanted him to feel guilty for ruining my life. I am a widow for 7 yrs, living quietly til he came. In 3 months my life was turned upsidedown & yet i endured all the challenges we faced. He left me in favor of his assets & a girl whom he said he does not love but would give him financial stability. Though he ended our relationship he asked me if i could wait for him or be avaiable for him when the right time comes. I admit i love him still but its killing me. I want to forget him please help me!

    • sandy July 21, 2014 at 1:20 am #

      I wrote Eddie a long time ago. I wanted to die, cried for four years, neglected my family for someone who was long over me. No contact is the only way. They are not your friend, lover, or savior. After four years I’m finally over him. I still think of him, but I don’t cry, hate, or miss him. I missed what we WERE. Listen to him, read his posts everyday, and you will recover. I listen to sad songs, look at photos (most are gone), and can have holidays like normal people. Thank you Eddie!!! Please everyone, it gets better, and life goes on. You will be happy again.

    • Lia January 17, 2015 at 5:23 pm #

      Hi everyone I am actually starting my second day of no contact. I was very hurt because my boyfreind of two and a half years broke up with me.vwe tried to work things out for a month after that and then suddenly he stopped speaking to me. He turned off his phone and everything connected to me and my daughter. It’s sad because we liked each other before when we were young. We reconnected thirty years later.he still lived at home with nine people in his family. I lived in a different county than him and he rode the bus to see me. Well to make a kong story short I asked him to move with me and he didn’t want to. He then told me he didn’t love me.i was so heartbroken I tried for two months to text him and talk to him about it but he ignored me. I was so hurt I cried everyday. I decided two days ago I wasn’t going to do this anymore. I have so many friends and people who love and I was kind to him. I don’t want to hurt anymore by trying to get an explanation of something that made no sense. So here I go I guess I’m using nc on soneone who doesn’t care if I live or die and hang in there everyone things will get better…..

      • karen November 7, 2015 at 5:11 pm #

        Hi. How are u doing? Can u help me thru the first week? I’m going crazy.

        • D March 11, 2016 at 8:21 pm #

          The first few days is the worst dont fold lush Fwd for your own Self worth.
          im on day 50 an its jus as hard as day 5

  2. Carly July 26, 2014 at 2:04 am #

    Hi all. My ex broke up with me in March last year. I stumbled upon this blog in the early days of the break up- while it was fresh, painful and felt as though I would never be happy again. I remember reading these comments thinking I would never be like those who said they finally got over their ex. But, a friend of mine this week broke up with a long term partner and it occurred to me when considering some advice to give her that I haven’t checked this site for a fair while- something I was doing regularly in the hope that Eddie’s advice would ‘save’ me. As a NON believer that his advice would help… A year later I’m happy to say, his advice really did help, whether I admitted it at the time or not! No contact for me was a struggle… But I did do it. And a year later- the pain isn’t there anymore. I am still single, but that is my choice as I want to focus on my work at the moment. However I think if I wanted to put myself out there and date- I think I’d be ready!

    Just wanted to tell those of you who are like me- who don’t think self-help books work- this blog of Eddie’s is pretty good to keep you working through your issues. If your break up is fresh, remember that this is the WORST pain you will feel. It will only get better from here. Xx

  3. donna c August 7, 2014 at 12:34 pm #

    Hi Everyone, not sure where to start really. I have been trying the 60day no contact for about two months now and finally decided it was really time 3days ago. I was with my ex for 4.5yrs and in the beginning things moved very quickly, we knew at the time that we had little in common but that didn’t stop us!! crazy I know but we had a connection…..

    He lost his job after a few month so he came to live with me, everything was great we had a holiday, I joined him in the things he enjoyed hoping it would bring us closer as having a little more in common and we had fun. we both decided early on to try for a baby after 9months of being together in fact, our first was born 2011 a little boy. That was hard time, I was a career girl, socialite, party girl, independent and all of a sudden I had this precious bundle that I had to give everything up for and to and I didn’t have a clue what I had to do. The responsibility was all down to me, decisions all down to me, I lost myself , my body, my career, my confidence and my focus, it felt and my whole life had changed but my ex’s didn’t at all.

    I had post natal depression for about 15-18months and even felt hell to live with, I hated myself, felt I was a bad mum, girlfriend and person but he supported me and was my rock, he took a lot and I am forever grateful for him at that time. But he likes to be a lad and would go out drinking after work and not think to let me know or maybe have a weekend off from going out etc. He wanted all his time and took little interest in the baby nor me which made me feel even more lcelated and alone. I would often say his interests took him away from me and I was feeling alone whilst in the relationship. I appreciated alone time, hobbies are good and encouraged that but he wanted it all the time if not working, he wanted to come home rest and have his time. He had a hard upbringing and teenage years so a lot of emotional baggage and issues and never learnt to communicate or show emotions. I tried over and over to help him open up and tell me how he felt but he never did.

    After my depression passed things improved with my moods and my confidence with being a mum, I went back to work part time and started to do the things I used to where possible childcare permitting. But even then I did the majority of everything where home and family was concerned but I guess I hoped he would change and we had a lot of good times with the new baby, then we decided to try for another!! I know the cracks were already there and realise now u need more than just love. But I kept trying for us date night, family time, give him his space and own time etc, seems I was always giving and he was always taking, even my family would comment I did it all alone anyway!! how sad.

    Anyway Pregnancy and hormones were ok and luckily my depression didn’t return. I now have my little girl born JUNE 2013, they are my life and I can honestly say I cannot remember what it was like being without them now and regret my depression with my first, as I missed so much of him during that. I am the sort of person who needs mental stimulation from my partner and again one that doesn’t talk and shows no feelings is another big black mark against us….

    BUT in April this year a new without any warning to communication he tells me their is a new girl in work he has feelings for! he says he hasn’t slept with her, not a date and only emails and talking at work. it hurts like hell and after that the disrespect he felt for me became even more apparent. He wasn’t calling to say his going out, wouldn’t come home etc one night he was at a works doo I didn’t know about, she was there I found out later and he came home so late and so drunk (id gone to a hotel with my babies the youngest not even a year old) he came home and didn’t even realise we weren’t in our beds! I brought us back at 4am as heard nothing since 4pm the day before, to see if he was home and he was, I woke him to be told we was home he saw us!! to think the father of my children didn’t even notice we were missing drunk or not is awful feeling, we could have been dead or anything. So the next day I told him to leave, thinking he would fight for me and our family……how wrong, He said he couldn’t forgive me because i had actually kicked him out!!! was I meant to allow him to treat me like this and do nothing!! he had a new flat in 1 week and I saw an email on his work laptop telling the girl what he wanted to do to her!!! very graphic!! and since then I tell him not contact and its like his playing a game keeps popping up saying ”I am the love of his life, his soul mate”’ but when I question, how can I be your soul mate if u don’t talk, communicate or open up to me, u have to know someone’s soul to be that!! he has no answers. since then he met someone at a concert and is planning a date with her!!!so i think he wants his ego stroked and more!! none of what he says makes sense as his actions and words are difference and he has haunted me for 3months now whilst i have been trying to look after our children alone, work, and deal with my emotions. I concluded 3 days ago enough was enough and told him so. I have lost all my baby weight, back to the gym with a creche , the weekends he has them I get to have a life as no other family/friends around for child care other time and I am doing ok. I had to make the decision that id had enough and I want the happy me back for my sake and for my children and that he is the black cloud dragging us down. 3days no contact for me is a big step, I am determined to keep going……….

    Eddie your support is appreciated and felt by us all, its taken a lot to write this here and to try and keep it short believe it or not! My confidence is shot but I will keep reading and wish everyone success because true heartbreak is like a million knives stabbing u in the heart. iv been here before with my first love and I got over him so I know I can do this, and so can you all.

    best of luck and il try and let you know how my progress is x

    xx

  4. Cathy August 22, 2014 at 2:03 pm #

    It’s been twelve days.since he told me he met someone else. It was three years of probably more pain than joy, lots of breakups initiated by me, a couple frim him. I started to feel a little better a couple days ago I laughed a couple of times and have been reading lots if breakup articles online. Maybe a little too much.

    Yet, today I have called in sick to work and feel physically ill. I have not.contacted him for six days. The times that I did text him before that he didn’t answer. He told me he met someone else.in a text, which was initiated by me, because I asked.him.why he unfriended me in FB. Yeah, a real prince.

    I.was by myself for years after a divorce and a few short failed relationships and then I met him and he pursued me and made me feel something. I am very unhappy even though o I know intellectually that he wasn’t the right person for me. I just want the pain to go away and get my life back to the happy me that I was before I met him.

    • MJ November 11, 2014 at 6:49 pm #

      Hi Cathy, how did you do? Did you make it? Your story sounds similar to mine (not the unfriending on FB – that’s harsh!). Three years, several break ups, lots of breakup articles. But I won’t cyberstalk him. I am at day 25 NC. But he’s making it easy (and a lot worse) because he’s not contacting me. He broke up with me, broke my heart, but I am forcing myself to recover. So I hope you made it!

  5. Andrew August 27, 2014 at 7:41 pm #

    We’ve been apart more than a couple if months now but we were still in contact via text message and it was a very bad idea. I was begging her to let me have a chance, she was expecting me to behave in a certain way without ever telling me what she wanted. I felt awful. She even phoned my Dad to get him to help us to stop contacting each other because she knew that as hard as she tried she just couldn’t help herself and neither could I.

    No-contact is the smart thing to do. Today is Day 1 and so far I have failed miserably. I looked at her Facebook page and saw some posts that were clearly about starting over which hurt. I also found some intimate videos of us on my phone that I hadn’t realised were still there. After watching them far too many times, I took a deep breath and deleted them. That was about the only positive I can take from Day 1. At least I didn’t do anything stupid like post them on a revenge site.

    But this is hard. I’ve not sent her a text message (I’ve deleted her number) not an email. So I’m trying.

    But I still want her back so badly. I hate being alone and it feels like it’ll be this way forever. I’m 36 and it feels like who the hell would want a 36 year old man with an ex-wife and a kid? 😔

    I hope it gets better.

    • openrice October 27, 2014 at 4:01 am #

      I am a single mother with 2 kids. I’m done dating men who never had kids and they don’t understand my problems.

    • kirsten April 25, 2015 at 8:28 pm #

      I’m separated from my husband, beginning divorce proceedings, am 40 with a nine month old baby and going to grad school…. and I’m finally getting excited about starting my new life. Including dating wonderful men who are in similar situations! You will find no lack of women who will give you a chance… and a lot more! 🙂

      • Theresa March 10, 2016 at 9:55 pm #

        Kristin,

        Your post stuck out at me. I am 42 and separated from my husband 5 months ago. However, he continues to contact me and wants me to come home. He has been verbally abusive for the past 24 years and now I feel broken. I know I need to move forward but can’t seem to do it. I am in graduate school too and am struggling everyday to keep my head above water. All I need to know is…. is there life after all of this????

  6. jay September 21, 2014 at 5:49 pm #

    Hey everyone. Im at the begining of it all and i shouldnt be . My gf dumped me 6 months ago after 5 years. For the last 6 mo ths ive tried to be friends ive been used as a doormat. And now shes gone. In ibiza living it up whilst im alone in my flat. I cant stop thinking about her and how great she must feel compared to me at the mo. Its been one day of no contact and its her thats not replying. Ive gone a few weeks with nc but she always messeges me.and im not strong enough to reply. Im hurting so bad and know i have a long struggle. I really hope nc works and i can get on with my life.

  7. Tina October 13, 2014 at 4:42 am #

    My name is Liz.

    The background: This has been a fwb relationship. He has made it clear that he doesn’t want a relationship. It was great physically. That is what I miss. I never allowed myself to feel deeper. I am ashamed of it but really need to reestablish the nc rule. I have to do complete disengagement/

    I got through 7 days of NC but then spoke to him around my bday. I now am on day 4. He texted me the other day and I have ignored it. I used to feel bad about not returning the texts as he perceived I am angry (which I am not) I am just busy or it doesn’t require a response.

    We spoke last Tuesday and basically without me prompting him he said he feels bad when we get together and felt pressured bla bla ba. At that point I said “lets’ take a break”. I guess I looked at him a little forlorn as he told me to stop looking at him that way. The idea of him wishing me a happy bday meant to him that we were bf & gf. Ummm I think even a friend would wish happy bday. Anyway his issue not mine. I basically said “really after 2 years you have a conscious”. I don’t care. I cam only be rejected so many times. The good news is we did not have sex.

    I miss the friendship but then again he was kinda of a narc (read the narcissist article). He enjoyed being a jerk and like my therapist said I am used to this familiar feeling of being treated like crap. He somehow gets off on it. I can’t change him.

    Anyway thank you for being here. I have to realize that being alone is better than being abused mentally. I know I deserve better,

    • sumit November 4, 2014 at 2:30 pm #

      @ Liz, i just wnt to say one thing is that you are not here alone there are lot of people who is suffering from this pain and trauma. We have to win this battle at any cost and live our life with our own.Good luck and take care of yours.

      • Mandy June 21, 2015 at 10:47 pm #

        Only 2 months into this relationship I knew something wasn’t right but couldn’t “put my finger on it” like so many others and had a gut feeling something was “off.” From the minute I become wary and began questioning things, for example “you need to get work I cannot possibly keep the both of us on my income.” This resulted in him making it quite clear in bed he didn’t want to be near me, never mind touch, cuddle etc silent treatment, disdainful looks when he thought I wasn’t looking and so began what I now know as the ‘devaluation phase. I was totally floored by this behaviour, turned me upside down and inside out, didn’t know if I was coming or going. I was just totally totally unprepared for this unwarranted and complete change in his actions and behaviour towards me and how did I respond? Need I ask anyone here? I turned into this quivering, dithering, emotional wreck, paranoid, constantly trying to please him, couldn’t bear it when he left me etc etc, this after only 2 months!!! I feel lucky I ‘got onto’ him and that something wasn’t right only 2 months in as it has tore me apart after this short length of time. I can’t imagine how I would have even began to deal with what I can only describe as emotional violation being subjected to this for any longer a period. After yet another let down phone call after promising me he wanted to make things up to me the day before I told him to come and collect his belongings and we were over and he did as I said. He wanted away from me without any doubt and that’s when u want them more. Even so when he arrived at mine I asked h straight away could I use his phone (as I wanted to delete my number, all messages if sent that were embarrassing to me in their nature of ( as many of us do when rejected) and what do you know, a txt comes thru the minute he passes me the phone and PROVED to me he is a LIAR!! Not about another woman but without any doubt he was a liar he just didn’t know how to react, I went
        nuts, threw him out and kept his phone, didn’t plan to keep his phone, it just happened but now I see it as karma and “PUNISHMENT” ha ha ( though I didn’t know about this at the time) and then did my soul searching research and could not believe how correct the narcissist profile fits to my circumstances, A week and a half I up no contact and he txt me asking to pick his phone up, I did not respond zinc have no intention to. Although I know I’ve had s lucky escape after only 2 months I would be too scared to have contact as my despite my initial gut instinct and the knowledge I have gained upon looking at narcissism, my own insecurities etc etc would drag me bk on the roller coaster? No contact is the way to progress

  8. Nina November 21, 2014 at 12:51 pm #

    Hi. My name is Nina and I am 19 years old.

    I was with my ex boyfriend for 1 year and 2 months. He was a 22 year old college basketball player, guy of my dreams – very good looking and popular. Before he became my boyfriend, I had heard so much stories of him being a player so when he started courting me, of course I was being cautious and I kept my guard up at all times. He had TONS of hook-ups before me but he never dated anyone, he never had feelins for anyone other than me. I was his first girlfriend. I was the first girl he ever had real feelings for. I was the first girl he ever introduced to his family. We had lot of chemistry and I really saw how much he changed for me. All through out our relationship, we were like bestfriends. We lived together everyday and every weekends he would let me sleep with him and his family in their house. We were both in college, but I was in this city living alone for school… meaning I was a girl who moved to the big city for college and my whole family was left in my hometown. And he knew that and understood that. That’s why every weekend he would take me with his family. We were a great couple. We loved each other deeply and I really saw that in him. I know for sure that he never cheated on me.

    Nearing our breakup.. we had problems. and mostly it was for two reasons 1. about him and his financial standing. he never had the money to take me out or to treat me to anything so i was always the one spending for us both. I was the one who always treated us out. I was the one who payed for everything we both needed in the room. There were times that I would complain because of course, I’d want to be treated like a princess. But after every day, I would always understand him. But it really started to bother me when I realized that he sort of never assured me or say things like “One day, it’ll be my turn. Just wait.” He would before but towards the end of our relationship, he never did. he never even cuddled with me anymore. i would try to buy him food to make him happy so we can bond. but it was like he never even tried to make an effort for me to be happy in the relationship. And, I am the kind of girl who always wanted to go on adventures with him.. i always wanted us to be spontaneous and just pack our bags and go to the beach. but he always couldn’t. he always had a reason why he couldn’t. so.. i just let that want of mine go. 2. His pride and my mouth. He told me that i didn’t think before speak… which i think is true and is one thing I need to learn to do. And about his pride, he was hard as A ROCK. He almost never cried in the relationship and he never liked talking about feelings. every time i’d feel sentimental over something, he’d get mad at me for being so dramatic.

    Anyway, before we broke up.. I lost an interest in him. I was away from the city where he was and my phone was broken.. so we didn’t really communicate much. and i honestly was losing interest because i felt like he wasn’t giving much value to me anymore.

    Then, he broke up with me through chat since i was away. and i agreed. we both had a mutual break up. i told him to give me space and to not contact me. but, the next day i kept texting him and crying…. and he hated me for it. he told me to leave him alone. so I did. we didn’t talk for 3 weeks. then I saw him when I arrived back to the city where we both lived in.. and all my feelings came rushing back. i started calling him everyday crying and telling him that i really did love him and that i dont care about anything anymore i jusy wanted us to both to give it another shot. and all the time he would tell me to let him go, to leave him alone, and to stop loving him and stop talking to him. he told me he didn’t want to get back with because he couldn’t afford to have a girlfriend literally. like he hates all the drama and he said that he had too many problems of his own to be able to handle a girlfriend. (I honestly dont know why i chased him.. knowing that i agreed for us to break up because i felt like i deserved more than the emotional availabiltiy and care that he was giving me) but i still kept chasing him and telling him that i’d wait for him and that i was willing to prove to him that I loved him. Until I decided recently to realy just give it up so I have been no-contact with him for 6 days now.

    But I recently found out that he went to a beach trip with two girls (one of them a girl he’s slept with before) wearing a whole outfit given to him by ME. HEAD TO TOE. From cap to shoes!! and he told me that he didn’t have any money. and those “adventure” were the things i wanted from him during our relationship but always told me he couldn’t.

    I am determined to move on and forget him completely.. but a part of me holds on because i really knew that he loved me. i was the first girl he ever loved, I just don’t know how he’s acting like nothing ever happened. like i never existed.

    What should I do. HELP. PLEASE.

    • Suzan T. November 22, 2014 at 5:45 am #

      Hi Nina,
      From a real experience, breakup sucks and hurts but you have to go through it in order to move on in your life. days will pass by and you’ll look back to those days and laugh..you are still young and have a good life to pursue..focus on your self and study and you’ll meet someone one-day who really appreciates you without you ask for it..as an advise from a breakup survivor (2 years), I would recommend to follow Eddie’s guidance through this website starting from the newsletter till recent blog..trust me you’ll move on and feel powerful again..just believe in yourself..don’t think by your ex by any chance and remove the idea of “I’m his first love & he loves me” because a man in love won’t dare to hurt or leave his lover by any chance…after all it is his big loss:)

    • MJ November 22, 2014 at 11:53 am #

      Hi Nina, I really hope that I can help you. I am going to share a few things of my own about my recent break up which is very similar to yours, but before I do, let me just give you a HUGE piece of advice: DON’T CONTACT HIM!!! You’re doing good believe it or not and it will get better, it really will, I am at day 36. ,

      First of all, you do know something about him right now when you found out he went to the beach with two girls. So however you found that out, try to break that line of communication. No contact is so much more than not texting. It’s really not knowing. Because truly, what you don’t know can’t hurt you.

      Any way, your post literally made my jaw drop because there were so many similarities in our break ups. Here is some of my story:

      We were together for three years. Like you, I paid for almost everything – his clothes, furniture, trips, dinners, cigarettes (I don’t smoke!). In the beginning, he fought me on my generosity. In the end, he stopped giving me change if I gave him cash (true!). We had one big fight for three months in a row about things that he did that bothered me. I was being open and honest; he was furious and didn’t like what I had told him. His reaction would make me cry and really, I wasn’t happy. He thought that one argument a month was a lot. He didn’t have a lot of experience with dating and only had one serious girlfriend before me. His lack of experience became an issue when our relationship was what I would consider “unraveling”. He didn’t know how to work on it because he had never done that. And trust me, I made a lot of compromises when it came to him. He insisted that I accept him how he was. He, however, could not accept me for how I was.

      When our break up came, it was mutual and a culmination of a lot of things (much more than detailed above). Like you, I was told that I was dramatic, emotional, and that I don’t think before I speak (true, and I know I will never change). Anyway, when I realized that HE could accept our break up, I wanted him back. I begged, cried, pleaded with him not to do this to us, to me, to our love. Because, oh yeah, I loved him. I loved him something fierce. I have been in love before, but I never loved anyone like this. Never.

      But he said, no, something had changed. He didn’t feel the same way about us anymore. We had broken up in the past with him begging me back a few times before. And I took him back every time even though he had done things that I would have found unacceptable in basically every man. He did not cheat on me nor physically abuse me, but had other issues involving drinking and the police I forgave him everything, every time. Anyway, we stayed apart for two weeks, talked sparingly while he was considering what to do and then gave me some hope and invited me over to talk about it. When I got there and looked at him, his eyes were cold. He had disconnected from us. I knew it was over then and there, but I kept trying to give him time to change, to find his way back to us. It took another 10 weeks of him treating me like crap – not calling, not texting, not even asking or caring anything about me, my day, my life. And if we did see each other, a kiss hello and goodbye, no touching, no cuddling, nothing. We slept in the same bed side by side and he did not touch me at all, I cried myself to sleep every night.

      During this time, he was sending me mixed signals. He’d talk about our future and then not speak to me for days. Finally, I called him on it and he said he was confused. He wasn’t sure he wanted a relationship, that sometimes he just wanted to be alone, that he couldn’t handle the drama (and trust me, he put me through serious drama with his issues!!!), how emotional I was and had become and that he had his own problems that he needed to work on. Sound familiar?

      And guess what? I actually offered to give him time to figure it out. I told him I would wait, but not forever. Six days later, I made him end it. He did not speak to me for an entire day nor was he planning to simply because I reminded him that he said he would call me and had not. Seriously???!!! This was childish behavior on his part. The great communication that we had in the beginning had fizzled and died into the cold, lifeless embers of indifference. And that is a horrible place to be.

      So I gave him my heart, my time, my money, my patience, my love and understanding. He had stopped reciprocating over the years. I was a giver and he was a taker. And it sounds like the same for you.

      But let me tell you something about your ex-boyfriend. He is on the path to becoming a taker, too. He may just treat women like this for the rest of his life. Because there will always be women like you and like me who love to give.

      So he’s with two new girls? So what? Let him. He’s not going to change. He will get what he needs from them and when he can’t, he’ll move on to the next one. You? You don’t have to be like that. You are so much more! You are a great person with a lot of love and a lot to give! So the best thing you can do for yourself is to learn from this experience and don’t let it happen again. I’m not saying a man should spoil you rotten (although it is very nice), but if you see the signs of a taker early on, get out before you become emotionally invested.

      You are young and I see that as an advantage. Go out! Do things with your friends! Focus on you!!! He’s putting himself first – why shouldn’t you? Stay distracted and keep busy – it really helps! Keep a journal – it helps you get your emotions out. Exercise – this is tremendous for me. I can work out for an hour and not think of him once! Because your mind is your enemy. You have to stop the negative thoughts and really just pay attention to yourself. It really works.

      I am at day 36. I gave up all hope that I would hear from him and I have accepted it. I am not going to lie and say that I don’t miss him and I don’t cry. But I definitely miss him less than at day 6 and I cry no more than a minute now. I push him from my mind as much as I can and I try to turn off the negative thinking (hard! but I’m getting better at it). You can do this! I never thought I could and I have to say every day seems to get better. I don’t want to hear from him now. And I absolutely do not want to know anything about him because truly, it would only hurt me!

      I thought about why they call it a break up. I am broken right now. I am not who I was three years ago. i was so strong when I first met him, like you, but I empowered him in the end. When I met him he was weak and in the end he was strong – strong in his resolve not to be with me. He was on the pedestal I had created for him and I was in pieces on the floor.

      So be tough! Stick with NC. Because in the end, we will get ourselves back and be whole again.

  9. Simmi November 21, 2014 at 8:39 pm #

    Hello all,
    I normally don’t ever do things like this but I feel like this can only be helpful. I broke up with my ex about 4 weeks ago after several weeks of ongoing problems and a whole relationship of unfulfilled expectations. We were together for 2 years. I’m only 20 so I already feel silly that this has affected me so much but pretty much my entire college life has been revolved around him in some way but i will tell the story anyway.
    Our relationship was always pretty good. We had a connection I hadn’t felt before but I always would tell him how I wished he was more thoughtful and communicated more and took responsibility for his mistakes instead of being prideful. Towards the end he was looking for a new job and trying to get his schooling together after he procrastinated to turn in the proper documents. I offered to let him stay at
    my place more often since I lived closer to his school. A few nights a week became every night and he had no money to pay rent, utilities, food, etc. at first it was cute. We were playing house. Then the financial weight really showed itself in my bank account and I started pressing him about his plans to get back on his feet. He was dismissive and started to behave as if he truly lived at my house and contributed. He would get mad if I didn’t make dinner for him or if I didn’t want to watch football. He would try to dictate when my friends could come over and started complaining about how I asked him to do the dishes or other household chores. Eventually I asked him to leave and give me some space. He left for one night then returned and stayed for another week and half (he had keys) after which I put my foot down and basically kicked him out. We had several weeks of back and fourth between being totally in love and “working it out” to fighting. Long story short he then revealed to me he had been going through my phone for our entire relationship despite the fact he made it very clear to me in the beginning that he looked down upon snooping through phones because it was a breach of trust. I never went through his phone after he told me that. He was upset that I had told friends certain guys were attractive, was mad about social media contact with dudes etc and said he couldn’t trust me. When we had our final talk he didn’t acknowledge any of the issues when he was staying with me and essentially tried to say he was breaking up with me because I was untrustworthy. He left and we haven’t talk since. This is day 26 of NC but I went on his Instagram page and saw he posted a photo of a girl which upset me.also I found out he had been speaking badly about me. Logically I know that we are clearly not meant to be but my heart is still in pain and I even find myself blaming myself for being to fresh with a guy or actually being untrustworthy. I just am really trying to look forward and keep moving but it’s not always that easy. I can feel my friends getting tired of hearing about it mostly because many of them can’t truly relate. If anybody has any other tips or suggestions I am all ears. I’m really commited to learning how to be alone again and being completely happy and alright with it!

  10. Jennifer November 27, 2014 at 7:23 am #

    Hi Eddie, and anyone who is reading this!
    I love this post. It’s honest and the best advice for a better future! I took the first step 2 months ago. When I said I did, I mean that I couldn’t do it anymore and I knew in my heart that I had to leave because I felt more pain than I felt love. It took a lot of attempts to leave until one day, I said no more. I have to do this or I will never be happy. I can’t live like this. I hope someone that feels the way I felt is reading this and comes to the point in their life that enough is enough, and the love you have for yourself is far more important. I took the chance and I was very afraid, but I HAD to do it. I KNEW it was right and I KNOW you know it is too. I just want to say take the first step when you’ve had enough. It will be hard, very, very hard in the first couple of days, BUT their is hope. I cried a lot because I felt a missing part of me was gone but as I focused on myself emotionally, I became better. I respect myself more and I know for a fact that that past relationship was a lesson to myself. Im growing to become a better version of ME. I’m taking care of myself because I’ve neglected it by putting someone else first. It will be hard but once you get past it, you will see that you are far more happy being alone than with someone that you know doesn’t really make you happy. Just be honest with yourself like I was honest to myself. Admit that this is life and it is hard and things like this happen for a reason. Turn this negative experience into something positive and I guarantee you will turn things around in your life. I am proof. My heart is easy and I have no more drama. I don’t feel worthless anymore. I finally feel free to be who I need to be. Just take the first step. I did. Good luck, I know you can do it.
    Ps: you will miss him/her sometimes, but remind yourself each time why you chose to give up the fight. By giving up and surrendering that no longer serves you happiness is a very strong thing to do. There is no weakness in that at all. You are stronger than you think. I sure surprise myself.

  11. Diane December 2, 2014 at 9:04 am #

    hi Eddie. I really blew it. I had been well over 60 Days of no contact and was feeling pretty strong until tonight when I found out that my ex is engaged. I am devastated and heart broken all over again. This ex just wasn’t a boyfriend, he was my ex husband from 28 Years ago and after 28 years we reconnected and fell in love all over again. We were both so happy that we’ gotten back together and had planned on spending the rest of our lives together. Everyone was happy for us that we were getting a second chance. Friends and family were both so happy for us. We thought that we’d learned and grown from our past. Mistakes in our marriage. We were together this time for 3yesrs but then the problems we had before set in. We broke up about a year ago but we’re still in love with each other and still saw each other for dinner occasionally and would talk and text everyday. My ex did not want the breakup, but on the other hand we were having trouble in the relationship and I ended going back to my husband because my ex wasn’t willing to support me financially or emotionally like you should when you live together and planning to make a life commitment. What hurt the worst is we had gone through these same issues during our marriage and the issues became the demise of our marriage 28 years ago. When we were having all of our problems back then in our marriage, unbeknownst to me he had almost immediately replaced me with another woman and they lived together and became engaged. That about killed me then. And its killing me now because this is the same woman he is engaged to now. Up until a few months ago even though we were broken up he was telling me he would never love anyone again and he would love me to the day he died. Obviously those promises were empty. So I feel like I’ve just gotten the double whammy one more time . I just saw pictures of “the happy couple”and it hurt so bad because I know him so well and he is promising her all of the things he promised me just a few short months ago. I can’ believe that he’ doing this with the same woman. None of us are young, we all in our mid 60’s which makes me feel even more stupid and betrayed once again by this man. He was the love of my life, but the problem was he has never grown up and only wants his needs met. He had no empathy or concern about mine. He wasn’abke to talk about issues without raging and blaming me about everything -then and now. His way of dealing with things is to run away, take no responsibility and blame me. Why can’ I get over this man? Even though I knew our problems then and now I can’t seem to let go. The thing that hurts so badly right now is that he’s gone back to the same woman he left our marriage for all those years ago… I really need some help with this. I feel like such a heartbroken old fool. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Trust me anyone who is reading this pathetic post, don’t break the no contact rule. It will set you back so far and make you miserable. What do I do now to finally try to heal and move on and get him out of my heart. My mind is filled with the pictures I saw of them tonight kissing and being totally happy. I know the things he’s saying to her because they are the same promises he made to me just two months ago.

    Please help me. I don’t think I can go through this a second time, I feel so betrayed and lied to and completely shattered. It’ terrible to know that my ex is happy and i am miserable. All of his promises of undying love were such empty words that break my heart and make me angry all at the same time. 28 years ago when our marriage crashed Nd burned it took me years of counseling to get through it. I don’t have the financial means to go through expensive counseling again. Can anyone help me get this in perspective? I am not a stupid woman,but I sure feel like the world’ biggest fool now.

    • Tanya February 16, 2015 at 8:12 pm #

      Hi, Diane

      I have never been married so I can’t begin to have any perspective in that regard, but as I read your post my stomach was twisting. No person should ever have to go through that. For him to leave you for the same woman decades later??? Absolute madness.

      I am actually cheering for you right now because you are the clear winner to me. You have removed yourself from this intolerable situation. Let “the happy couple” have it. There is nothing but devastation down that road and I’m so glad for you that you won’t be anywhere near it. And when he comes back after it deconstructs please tell him to go take a hike.

      I really hope that eventually you can get to see what anyone reading your post can see: you have been given a gift.

  12. Aarya February 16, 2015 at 7:52 am #

    Hey all,

    Today is my DAY 1 of NC. I blocked him everywhere. It took great strength and since then I have been crying my guts out. I was introduced to this website a few years back after my first breakup. So he NC rule is not new to me. I have done that before. But know, I feel so scared again . What if I am not able to continue for 60 days? It hurts a lot!!

  13. Tanya February 16, 2015 at 7:41 pm #

    Hi Aarya, welcome!

    You have an advantage over many of us, having succeeded in no- contact previously! Somewhere inside you know you an do it! It’s just that you also know how miserable it can be.

    Don’t try to contemplate 60 days, that is just too overwhelming. Just today. Make it through today. Then do it again tomorrow. Don’t think further out than that.

    I am on Day 45. I use the No-Contact Tracking Sheet that is available in Eddie’s toolkit. I am rigorous about checking off the days, it really helps me to actually see the progress. There is no way won’t make it to 60 and beyond when I see how far I have come!

  14. jose mariano April 29, 2015 at 7:37 am #

    hi its the 4th day and im wanting to give up on everything even in school she did not understand she wanted someone better than me but i bought her everything she wanted but im still willing to fight for my love for her i want to go to her house on mothers day and give her mom a bouquet and i want to buy her at least 3 dz of roses. but she never wanted her parents to know that we were together what should i do

  15. Billd June 21, 2015 at 5:01 am #

    I would love to do the 60 day no contact because I’m having the hardest time letting go of my ex. The problem is that I have kids that I love and cannot go that long without seeing them. How do I do it? I’m in a really bad hurt state of mind and heart and struggle daily to get through it. I think about where she is, what’s she’s doing, everything, I just want to let her go. Kick her out of my brain and lock her from my heart. I feel so broken.

    • Rich September 16, 2015 at 10:41 pm #

      I have the same problem with my ex. We still have young kids that we are raising. While I couldn’t eliminate all contact, I had to keep it very limited to the kids needs. I will talk to her about a parent teacher conference, or a bill for a doctor visit, but I don’t have to ask her how her day went or tell her about my life. She is a parent, not a friend. When I get the kids from her place, she send them out to my car. When she picks them up from my place I send them out to her car. We don’t see each other.

      Last week my car battery died and she lives close by. My 1st instinct was to call her for a lift to get another battery. But I realized that she can’t be an option in my life anymore. She can’t be the 1st or last option. So I had to ask another friend. It took longer, but I’m glad I kept that distance.

  16. sam July 20, 2015 at 10:45 am #

    hey eddie,
    been reading your article and i must say am really grateful for coming across it..it build my self esteem…
    its 4mnths now since i broke up with my ex..we dated for almost 2yrs i enjoyed every single bit of it..met him when he had a job but not a realy stable one then he lost it and finally early this year he got a better one..immediately after he got the job he started changing on me..he didnt want anything to do with me i couldnt believe it i was hurt so bad crying everyday. .he even stopped ans my cals, replying my txt..what he told me last bfre he cut communication is that he had met a girl and he likes her..i felt so much pain….am really tring to get over him i havent talked to him for 3wks now and am intending not to…its really hard coz sometimes i start to think of him and start crying it really hurts.i just wish i never met him. all i want is to get over him and to move on with my life, am finding it so difficult. i need help

  17. Leo September 7, 2015 at 1:14 pm #

    My no contact was continually sabotaged by both me and my Ex for the first few weeks after the breakup. Arguing by text and email. Then I sent her a short but direct text and said goodbye and not to contact me at all. That was on my own before I knew about this program. I managed to put together 30 solid days and I succumbed to the pressure while I was in Honduras on a mission trip and texted her when I had Wifi after 5 days of no communication with the outside world. We actually had a normal and nice conversation by text. But I ended up so angry with myself. And Eddie is absolutely right, all of the pain and grief came crashing down on me 10 fold. I sent another text from the airport and was pretty cold and direct. I reminded her that it was she who decided she no longer wanted me in her life and said, “It’s over and we both have to live with that. This will be the last you ever hear from me!” I nearly passed out from the stress when I sent that.

    I called my communication carriers and had her blocked and started again. I put together three good weeks and was feeling better. She bypassed the block by dialing +1 before my number. She texted that she was concerned about my mother!! But it was me responded!! I couldn’t help myself. Same result, tears, anxiety, etc. Finally on 8/25/15 eight weeks after the breakup and after eight weeks of sheer agony, I bought the Ex-Detox system. I wrote her a final No Contact and Goodbye letter and have been doing okay since.

    So far it’s hard because of the times I had contact with her since the June 27 breakup. But she dumped me. And it seems when I stick to my guns and give her something to miss she reaches out to me. But I feel more prepared to handle it now because of your book and the inspiration I draw from it. She was the one who lied, would not commit, and dropped me like a hot rock! I’ve been using your advice and spending time on me! I work out daily, eat right, and sleep as best as I can. I spend time with family and friends and I’m planning on the rebuilding of my life! Thanks in large part to you, Eddie! I am working your program to the letter and feeling better every day.

    All I can say people is do whatever you have to do to stick to the No Contact rule. It’s the only way back to sanity!

  18. Piscean September 8, 2015 at 11:52 am #

    I’m on Break up Day 27 and no contact Day 13. I think I’m handling the no contact kinda pretty well so far but I have my friends and family to be thankful for cos when the temptation strikes to reach out to him, they are there to divert my attention. What we had was a long distance relationship.. by long distance I mean over 9000 miles. So obviously we have culture, country, religion etc differences. Yet we made a connection. I’ve never met him face to face. For 3 years we have a purely LDR. His job is complicated and they needed to approve our relationship because of my foreigner status if I was to move to him. We were rejected, appealed and 27 days ago our appeal was rejected for the final time. He called me on the phone to tell me and that conversation lasted a little over 30 minutes where he told me his job is important to him and he just got promoted and he loves his job etc. And just like that it was over. Then over the next few days we were both emailing each other to say I miss you, this is weird not talking to you etc. On day 14 of our breakup (it was actually our 3rd year anniversary of meeting) I texted him. I also sent him multiple emails where I cut and paste many of the promises he made to me over chat, about the life we were going to have, the family we were going to raise etc. He called me on the phone instead of responding via email. The things he said to me was confusing. At the point of talking to him it sounded like I had hope. He misses me, He loves me. Yes! It is still our anniversary. Happy Anniversary my *petname*. Much later on hindsight, it seemed like lip service because I guess he does care for me and was worried I might do something to myself.. these are just maybes that I’ve come up with. I admit I must have sounded clingy and needy. Then the line got disconnected and he did not call me back like he always does. I sat and waited by the phone and I embarrassingly will admit I did send him a couple of emails. No response. So I thought I would wait him out. Eventually he will realize he loves me and he misses me and he will call me or email me. I think it was day 10 when I came to the conclusion how selfish he had always been. I felt humiliated. I’ve gone back to re-read our thousands of emails and chat history and I realize now how blinded I was. I’m still dealing and working on the no contact rule. Day 13 so far. I think what pain and hurt I’m actually really feeling is that a man chose a job over me. Someone found me so lacking that something like a job was more greater than the beautiful soul he always said I was. I’m not poor or jobless or anything. So no way was he a ticket to a better life for me. I was willing to leave my job, my family, my friends and my country and come to him. But he has proven that he couldn’t leave his job for me. And fyi, he can get another job easily and he also has a few side businesses so leaving this job wouldn’t have been an end all for him. So I have to say the no contact rule is getting easier day by day. I will stay strong. But how do I start feeling good about myself again? How do I shake this I’m not good enough feeling? Because that I what’s killing me..

  19. Aquarius 48 October 25, 2015 at 12:15 pm #

    I was with my ex for over 23 years. We are both female and very private. Looking back I realise keeping our relationship a secret for most of our relationship was far too much pressure and when we did start to let people know that is when the cracks began to show. She ended the relationship in May of this year – she met someone else who was openly gay and its become pretty obvious to friends in our social service (who are all straight) what has happened – its been incredibly hard to come to terms with not least because the other woman is stamping her place in what was once our life and social setting. My ex has wanted to maintain contact – checking up on me, texting about how special a person I am, letting mutual friends and family know she is sorry she hurt me, she doesn’t expect me to wait for her, etc – she even admitted that whilst she didn’t want me – she didn’t want anyone else to want me. After having contact mostly instigated by her, I felt very much I was being used and it was clear that she hadn’t told the other woman she was still in phone and text contact with me – there was no promises from her but lies were forming and I felt that I couldn’t get myself straight emotionally – the final straw came when she send to me a text when it should have gone to her new partner and was taking her to a special place where we took our dog every year – that was just too much – so since then I made it clear that was a step to far and even though I didn’t say I wasn’t going to have no contact, I am now in day 9 of no contact the longest period of not being in contact – she hasn’t contacted me either because she knows I believe how much she has hurt me – the problem is trying to imagine living the rest of my life without ever seeing or hearing from her again – yes we may bump into each other – also having to start a new life without her, trying to make new friends, going new places is hell – it isn’t easy and the lonliness at night is deafening – it makes it harder knowing that she is having a life with someone else, has the benefit of company and stability even though she persistently told me that the relationship is up and down and very volatile – I am working hard on myself to stay strong and try new things but I want so much to feel normal again and to wake up smiling not sad or to think of her – letting go is hard especially after 23 years and at my age 48, my dreams and our plans for a happy future over – when does this awful feeling end? If she contacts me again I know I will want to respond but I am going to try hard to stay strong.

  20. Maisey November 16, 2015 at 9:53 am #

    This is the start of week 6 of nc I started nc the day after my ex told me he did not want to be in a relationship with me because of my daughter she is 9. He said he does not want a 3rd party in a relationship. We were together for 1 year and he had been living with me for 4 months. We had a really loving relationship we never argued. I am devastated I miss him so much. I have never experienced heart ache like this before.

  21. Krystal November 19, 2015 at 5:09 am #

    I started the 60 day no contact because I’m tired of living in pain and embarrassment like you mentioned because I’ve done so many desperate things. But then he calls and its like I don’t even think about it and I say yes you can come over. And then he leaves and I’m hurt all over again. All progress is lost. I guess I’m so scared to think about him completely being gone and were strangers. I can’t just let go. I want to heal and move on but I can’t just let go.

    • Maisey November 19, 2015 at 8:13 pm #

      Hi Krystal the only way you are going to heal is to stick to NC. Block his number I know its really hard but for your own sanity do it. Get your girlie friends around you work colleagues any distraction you can find. Your worth more than to be used when he calls and you invite him over. Go NC grieve for the relationship that has gone and concentrate on you finding yourself what you enjoy and like to do. Embrace being single and free you can do what you want no one to answer too. Learn to love yourself.

  22. Jennifer December 15, 2015 at 3:17 am #

    I’m on day 11 of no contact from my bf of 3.5 years and it is the hardest thing I’ve ever done! But, day by day , I see a little more clearly that he was not the man for me, I see that he didn’t respect me the way he should have and he was a very critical man re: how and when house work was done etc. . Everything seemed to be to his benefit. I was even willing to deal w/ his sexual dysfunction, he is 15 years my senior.( Im 51 and hes 66 )But , now, I look ahead when I’m 61, he’ll be 76. He had me sitting w/ him at night falling asleep on the couch at 7:30 pm. He complained over minor things alot. Thank God for no contact… I was able to see the light.

  23. B December 16, 2015 at 3:29 pm #

    Hello Eddie,

    I have a question to you and would very much appreciate your answer, and probably that would also be useful to others out there.

    At Christmas, I will be halfway through the No-Contact of 60 days. I do not plan to write to him, but what if he texts me to say Merry Christmas bla bla bla. Shall I answer him or not?

    • Eddie Corbano December 16, 2015 at 5:53 pm #

      I would definitely not recommend to answer Christmas wishes, nor would I send any.

      The reason for this is that often the “blah blah blah” usually becomes a discussion that will throw you miles back in your healing. I know that this seems kind of cruel, but during the 60 days it is all about you and your recovery.

      • B December 16, 2015 at 6:47 pm #

        Dear Eddie, thank you so much for your answer and insight! I will be much stronger now when Christmas comes because I know what is the right thing to do.
        Thanks for all you do. I have found your website after the break-up and have been reading it often, and recently, on a daily basis. It encourages me and gives me inspiration and assurance that I will be happy. I am not sure if I just want to be happy AGAIN, rather, I would like to be happy as NEVER BEFORE, because now I am indeed ready for self-exploration and improvement.

  24. Ravitheja January 14, 2016 at 2:49 pm #

    Hi im ravitheja, today i want to share my all experiences. I was a normal guy who used to be friendly and happy with everyone. I created one user account in facebook and started playing games. One day i sent a request to one girl accidently and she accepted the request we were friends. We chatted long nights and calls also. One day she proposed me and by her sincerety i accepted it. From that day we were in love. She is about 500km long from my home so i used to travel in trains to reach her. By just standing in train only i used to go to her and meet her for few hours and come back again. So our relation continued upto 4 years and 6 months, i worked very hard to make our future happy and i got a job also. But suddenly she blocked me in all contacts and whatsapp suddenly stopped sending me messages also. I used to call her everyday i dont know what happened.

    Last week her friends called me and told me that my gf was in relation with other guy. The relation is also one year long. I dont know what happened i cant believe my ears my heart was breaked. I went to her and asked she is not that loving and very rude to me and told me your feelings are all gone. And the hardest part is she slept with him and also her bf called me and told to forgot her. She totally cheated me and played with my feelings.

    I cried for 3 days continuously and very hard for me to believe this because i gave her very importance like a family member and as my wife. Now its all gone she is very happy with the other guy but my heart is breaked here. I want to forgot her now. So i deleted all our photos and contacts. this happened 3 days back and yesterday suddenly i called her but it is switched off she changed her number im happy for that.
    But i want to forgot everything of her and move on. trying to forgot her forever and i want my happy life again.

  25. David January 26, 2016 at 9:15 am #

    Hello all. I want to first take the time to thank all of you who were brave enough to post your stories. They are such an aid to remind us that we aren’t alone. I was engaged for 4 years and to be honest the reason for our ending was due to my own insecurities and my own doing. I lost a good person and it haunts me. This would’ve been day four of no contact but I broke it to make sure there was no possible way of working it out. Now that I have established that I am ready to start at day one again. I have blocked all contact and even deleted Facebook to reduce the urge to stock (You can always unblock someone you have blocked so it’s not necessarily the best thing to do.) And even though I own up to my own shortcomings and failings, the separation still has its own pain. I’m making it through with the mantra “Moment by moment, breath by breath” Good luck to all of us on this path to recovery and betterment. Much Love

  26. lindel March 27, 2016 at 2:20 pm #

    I’m glad I found this site. Reading everyone’s post has gotten me through these past few days. It’s day 2 of the NC rule and it’s killing me.. I was with the love of my life for 11 yrs have 2 beautiful children together. We were engaged and 1 day he just got up and left without any explanation. I was heart broken not knowing where he was or what happened.. I find out through his family that he has found someone else.. this killed me more…. we lived together all this time and to wake up without him there I can’t bare the pain.. I’ve been trying to find out y he did these things to us and all he could do was blame me.. I never seen this coming.. he allowed another woman to come between us and I hate both of them for this.. the hard part is that we still have children together but I don’t know how to keep the NC rule in this situation.. at this point I want nothing to do with him but he is still my children’s father.. any advice to help with this? I’m trying to remain strong but it hurts so bad knowing what he has done. How do I move on and let him go? All I knew was him and I gave him my all.. when he left it felt like death.. love is a powerful feeling and the heartache that comes from it is unbearable.. my spirit and soul is broken and I’m trying to pick up the pieces.. just help me get through this please

  27. Barry Wade May 3, 2016 at 3:20 pm #

    Good afternoon Eddie. First I must emphasize that I have not been lucky in love at all. My adult life has been characterized by my lack of female companionship. I have been scammed of over twelve thousand pounds in the last four years because of my desperate attempts to get a woman. 20 months ago I met a lady on a dating site who seemed very interested in me. I was a bit hesitant because of my history and because she lived over seventy miles away. However I visited her and although I was not physically attracted to her I was flattered and thought that at last I had found someone. I wrote off the differences between us (i am no oil painting myself) and ignored the glaring inconsistencies which sadly have only come to mind now that she has dumped me and refused to tell me why. It is five days since she dumped me and I feel like I am going out of my mind. I feel more worthless than all the previous occasions that I have been dumped. My mind is at war with itself alternating between not understanding why this happened again and the belief that I must be worthless or subconsciously giving out signals that instantly come across has desperate and a fool to be taken advantage of. I hate myself for desiring women because I have never found one that was prepared to give me what i gave them. I do not want to get back with her I only want to know why she dumped me so that I will know what not to do in future. I have no friends or family and maybe that is the reason why I have been taken advantage of on several occasions. Please help me, I am in turmoil and the pain is killing me.

  28. Beth June 9, 2016 at 3:21 pm #

    I broke up with my boyfriend 2 days ago. I’m feel like I’m dying inside. I know I made the right decision but I still want to talk and hangout with him. We were together for 11 months. I knew 3 months into our relationship it wasn’t going to work but I compromised my values and morals because I thought I could “fix” him as if he was a project. Although we didn’t argue and fight I found myself slowly straying away from the things that I loved to do and sacrificing my happiness for his. I gained 50 lbs, I stopped going to church and I stopped hanging around my friends. Love is blind. For one, I am a devout Christian, he is not. I believe in marriage and kids before living together and having kids, he did not. I am a social butterfly, he is very introverted. Opposites do attract but for us it was disastrous. He actually got into trouble 2 years before meeting me and he was going to be sentenced to six months in jail for conspiracy to commit a robbery. Seven months into our relationship, they shipped him off to jail. I should’ve broke up then because he asked me if I would wait on him and I said no at first, then caved in and said yes. He will be out in a month but the time away reviled things that were wrong in our relationship that I would have never noticed if he hadn’t left. My heart breaks, but I no longer have a desire to be with him anymore. I finally yesterday went back to church after 11 months. I missed being there so much, I am meeting my friends this weekend for the first time in 8 months. I am going back to the gym. I still want to hang on to hope but hope is what held up my happiness.

  29. Stuck August 9, 2016 at 9:17 am #

    Hello everyone , I need help
    I went through a bad break up in December from an emotional abuser
    I went no contact and eventually started being happy again. Two months later I met a guy, I had no plans to fall in love but I did I tried to do everything right this time but he kept lying to me about girls – he never cheated though, e would delete messages and say it was nothing but I would plead that if it was nothing just show me why hide them, eventually it got to much and all my trust went
    He may of been honest but I turned in to a wreck and couldn’t trust him at all
    I know he really loved me and wanted to make it work
    He was younger than me he was 22
    He would say sorry but it just felt like a word that meant nothing
    He was still loving and our sex life was great
    He put up wjth all my shit but eventually the arguments got to much and he wanted to be just friends
    I said I couldn’t be friends with some one I love
    He said he loved me and said I was to good for him, he couldn’t make me happy; he wanted to be with me but just couldn’t
    He said we will meet up in the future but I told him I couldn’t it was all or nothing. He was crying his eyes out saying he regretted it but at the same time still saying he can’t do it
    He went 3 days ago
    We have both stuck to no contact
    It’s so hard though
    I have nothing really going in my life
    He knows how much I hated my life he’s gone back to his mums and has no worries
    I have a 10 year old and I know I should focus on him but I can’t find any focus
    My best mate seems to be non exsistant these days (she always helped me after break ups ) she’s sent me 2 texts in 2 days even though she knows I’m dying inside
    I feel so alone
    And I feel jealous because when he got home straight away he was adding people on Facebook to talk to (not only girls) I just feel so alone
    I’m a shy person
    I have 1 friend from my 27 years of being on this world
    People say to keep busy but I have nothing to do
    When I was wjth him I would do anything I could to pass the time till I saw him , it felt like it gave me something to live for
    I’m jealous that without me he can have a better life
    I know he wasn’t the one for me and this is what kills me, why am I like this when I’ve had a lucky escape, he couldn’t stop the lies and I’m a big believer that honesty and trust is key.
    He said I was an amazing person and he though the world of me and my boy
    So why did he still leave ? Why couldn’t he make it work if he loved us so much?
    I couldn’t go back to him if he tried because he already gave up once and said “he didn’t know why”
    How do I stop feeling like my life has ended?
    I can’t see hope in anything
    I’m crying all the time, looking at the clock knowing his routines
    I feel like I’m going mad, how does this go? When will it stop?
    How can I b happy when he was the only reason I was happy. Even if we argued I felt safe knowing that night we would be sleeping and cuddling together
    I’ve lost that now
    Please some one help

  30. Sarah August 22, 2016 at 12:08 am #

    I’m on day 5 of NC & it’s getting easier. Every time I want to pick the phone up to contact him I read Eddies blogs instead and it gives me so much strength. I’m taking back my self respect this time and will never allow a man (especially a narc) to jeopardise my mental health

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