The First Step In Break-Up Recovery

“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
– Martin Luther King, Jr.

Take the first step in faith.

That’s a lot to ask when it comes to starting the 60 days of No-Contact for getting over the person you once were so close with.

After a break-up, the first thing that’s usually on our mind is restoring the status that was before. No matter the cost.

All we want is for things to go back to as we were again – before everything fell apart.

“We’ll work it out once we are back together again.” That’s often the plan.

But we so easily ignore the cracks that were in the relationship.

We ask ourselves all kinds of questions, like for example, “Why won’t the Ex work on patching things up?” or, “Why have they given up on us?”

The answers elude us … at least in the beginning.

It takes a lot of pain, denial, and embarrassment until we finally come to the conclusion that we can’t go on like this.

Something has to change.

What we might or might not realize at this time, is that the “change” must be more radical than we thought.

Staying friends with the Ex and pretending that nothing has happened doesn’t work – something we might learn the hard way.

An addict cannot recover when the “drug” is right in front of them.

That is why a lasting solution can only be to remove the “drug.”

Since I’ve started to teach “break-up recovery” late in 2005, my approach has always been that the concept of No-Contact was indispensable for breaking the Ex-Addiction and getting over them.

And since then, I’ve constantly looked for better and more efficient ways to help people to go through 60 days of No-Contact much easier and less painful.

The main two problems most people have with following the No-Contact Rule are:

  1. We’re afraid that we miss chances
  2. We cannot stand the emotional turmoil

That is why so many of us are afraid to take the first step.

Or we take the step, but jump back two steps right away and give up.

I really know how it feels. You know that I’ve been there.

It feels as if an important part of your body and soul is missing. And you want to know the whereabouts of that missing “part,” because you feel that you can’t live without it.

So we stay put … maybe they will change their mind.

But believe me, this is all an illusion. A self-imposed limitation.

We CAN do all the things we thought were unthinkable. We CAN live without our Ex. We CAN even thrive after that.

All it takes is your willingness to try.

And to take the first step.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
– Lao-tzu

Today I invite ALL of you to take the first step.

Take this first step in faith, even IF you don’t see the staircase, even IF you don’t believe in the efficiency of No-Contact.

Believe in yourself and believe in your recovery.

Write the No-Contact letter, (see my newsletter for details), and cut off contact completely for 60 days.

I know that you are afraid… even terrified.

But IF you want to heal and use this experience to be more confident and successful, then you HAVE to take this first step.

Once you take that step, I can almost guarantee that you will LOVE the staircase… once you see it.

So, don’t think too much about it … just do it, and before you know it your recovery will have started.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

P.S.: Have you started No-Contact already? How were the first days? Please tell me below in the comment-section.

  • Six months ago to the day. It was supposed to be my wedding day. Somehow I forgot about it last month, but this one jumped off the calendar at me.

    No contact this whole time. The pain and memories still wash in once awhile… But they are diluted for the most part. What choice do we have, other then to keep going? One day you forget to feel all the pain. It happens.

    I wish has some grand wisdom to impart, some humorous and hopeful trick or tip. I don’t. It was hell. Until one day it wasn’t, then it was just like a sunburn. Now it’s just there, someplace in the back of mind.

    The hardest part now is that new woman I was seeing in last few months broke up with me after one argument. Just happened. They don’t tell you that this doesn’t get any less painful because you survived a really bad one in the past. It hurts.

    I’ve got my knowledge I can and will survive something like this yet again… But it’s cold comfort to be staring at the face in the mirror knowing the only common factor in both my ex fianc√© and my now newly exgirlfriend was me.

    I feel like I am cursed.

  • Thank you for sharing your insight and experience, Mr. Corbano.
    In early October I went through a very painful, nasty breakup. I am now into day 52 of No Contact.
    I immediately cut him off when he ended our 19 month long relationship. I went the whole 9 yards: blocked him on facebook, blocked his email after he sent me several long, personal messages (I didn’t respond to any of them), then changed my phone number after he continued to text me breadcrumbs (again, I didn’t respond).
    No Contact works. I lost myself in that relationship, and I’m now rediscovering myself. My strength is coming back steadily. I dream about him a lot – unpleasant dreams, but during the day I find that he barely crosses my mind. I can look at our relationship with clarity now, and I realize that I had put him on a pedestal that he did not deserve, and that he actually treated me very badly for the majority of our time together. And yet I adored him.
    But now I am slowly but surely falling out of love, and I can honestly say that I don’t want him back.
    Burning the bridge with someone I loved so much was difficult, but I’m so happy I did, and I’m proud of myself for sticking to it.
    So for anyone who believes that No Contact is too challenging or even impossible, think again. It allows you to regain your power, your independence, your self respect (if you lost it during your relationship, as I did). Last but not least, you can now give yourself the love and attention you previously reserved for your partner.
    I want to share a beautiful quote I read the other night that really touched me:

    “Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.”

    ~Washington Irving

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