“Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
– Martin Luther King, Jr.
Take the first step in faith.
That's a lot to ask when it comes to starting the 60 days of No-Contact for getting over the person you once were so close with.
After a break-up, the first thing that's usually on our mind is restoring the status that was before. No matter the cost.
All we want is for things to go back to as we were again – before everything fell apart.
“We'll work it out once we are back together again.” That's often the plan.
But we so easily ignore the cracks that were in the relationship.
We ask ourselves all kinds of questions, like for example, “Why won't the Ex work on patching things up?” or, “Why have they given up on us?”
The answers elude us … at least in the beginning.
It takes a lot of pain, denial, and embarrassment until we finally come to the conclusion that we can't go on like this.
Something has to change.
What we might or might not realize at this time, is that the “change” must be more radical than we thought.
Staying friends with the Ex and pretending that nothing has happened doesn't work – something we might learn the hard way.
An addict cannot recover when the “drug” is right in front of them.
That is why a lasting solution can only be to remove the “drug.”
Since I've started to teach “break-up recovery” late in 2005, my approach has always been that the concept of No-Contact was indispensable for breaking the Ex-Addiction and getting over them.
And since then, I've constantly looked for better and more efficient ways to help people to go through 60 days of No-Contact much easier and less painful.
The main two problems most people have with following the No-Contact Rule are:
- We're afraid that we miss chances
- We cannot stand the emotional turmoil
That is why so many of us are afraid to take the first step.
Or we take the step, but jump back two steps right away and give up.
I really know how it feels. You know that I've been there.
It feels as if an important part of your body and soul is missing. And you want to know the whereabouts of that missing “part,” because you feel that you can't live without it.
So we stay put … maybe they will change their mind.
But believe me, this is all an illusion. A self-imposed limitation.
We CAN do all the things we thought were unthinkable. We CAN live without our Ex. We CAN even thrive after that.
All it takes is your willingness to try.
And to take the first step.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
– Lao-tzu
Today I invite ALL of you to take the first step.
Take this first step in faith, even IF you don't see the staircase, even IF you don't believe in the efficiency of No-Contact.
Believe in yourself and believe in your recovery.
Write the No-Contact letter, (see my newsletter for details), and cut off contact completely for 60 days.
I know that you are afraid… even terrified.
But IF you want to heal and use this experience to be more confident and successful, then you HAVE to take this first step.
Once you take that step, I can almost guarantee that you will LOVE the staircase… once you see it.
So, don't think too much about it … just do it, and before you know it your recovery will have started.
Your friend,
Eddie Corbano
P.S.: Have you started No-Contact already? How were the first days? Please tell me below in the comment-section.
No contact works…Eddie knows what he is talking about……I can honestly say that life really does get a whole lot better. I am very happy these days. I have no emotional pain whatsoever anymore. I am so involved in new activities and new groups and new friends, working on goals and my bucket list, and accomplishing things, that I have forgotten about my ex for the most part. Occasionally I miss him and occasionally I remember how badly he treated me, but I know that’s normal, and with more time without him, I will think of him less and less until one day I will rarely think of him. My friend remarked recently that I seldom mention him anymore when previously I used to talk about him constantly. Peace and love to everyone and I wish you the same happiness. Do things with Other people, get involved in interests or hobbies, try something new, keep looking to meet New friends, and it will happen. Change your focus, change your feelings.
Hi eddie and hi everyone.Ok first of all eddie im not sure how I found your site intially but thank the lord I did.Im gonna start by saying I read your post about narcasists and my hisband is deffo one heres my harrowing painful story.I have beem married 3 yrs but together a shockin 14 yrs. In the beginning the first say 3 yrs I felt like a queen out on a pedastal and had the most amazing man a dream come true … he took on my 3 children ages 2 4 and 6 .. he wanted a chikd with me and at fiest I saod no but few yrs in we had a child and if im honest that’s when it all started to go wrong.He left me for a 17 yr old and just rang me and said im. Not comin home she was ny babysitter and when I found out I went mental …. but like a mug I took him bk after a few weeks and things actually got bk to jormal and I learnt to teust him again he changed his whole life style and for 10 yrs things seemed amazing we got married and alk was well …. but bknin may he did the dirty on me and broke my heart and wen he left I was so angry that he coukd do that in our marriage and to our children and again things got nasty we argued over textes fone calls etc and he joined a datig site I was so mad at this and coudnt cope he was meeting diff woman going away for weekends and then 4 months later he found out I was going on a date and he started calling me teying to gain control clearlythings was going wrong for him at this point and he ccouldn’t handle me going with someone else …. cut a long story short ok I was a meas I believed his every word that he loved me and I took him back again ! The kids where settled again but only 7 weeks later he just upped and walked out as my dad woukdnt shake his hand and told him he wont foegive him as he hurt me so bad with that he walked out the door and chexk this out ignored my calls instantly blocked me on whatsapp and facebook and texted me saying ots iver ya family will never forgive me and I will thank him in yrs to come …. to say I was broken was a understatement I was left to tell the kids again he walked out and my famiky to the embarrasment was terrible Nd wen I asked him why I wasnt worth the efdort and did he just come bk for our little one and did he ever love me he ignored all my texts he is a total ass and I cant get past the favt I feel so cheated by him and his lack of concern for our family he was only interested in his belongings and our youngest daughter … I decided at this point adter I gave him bk his chit id start no contact its been 17 days and here I am … he sent me a text and on thsinsite I found a measage to send bk basically making uim beleuve my fone has blocked any contact with him and it worked as he hasnt aent a meaage since but a few times he has gone thro my son to ask a question or to see how much maintenance I want when he starts a job … I havent spoken a word to him and I delt stronger but few hours ago my son saod his dad texted saying he was away for weekend im no guessing hes got a new woman already after 3 weeks and ia out there kiving it up while im here making ends meet they ng to work around kids and feeling such pain from all this agony …. I thoght id post to get it all off my chest and pray for some advice I was findinf the no contact easier but yesterday and today I feel the irge to message him and I no I cant cos he will deeed off it and ignore me abyway cos hes been a ass before like that  I feel reallly down today
Hi eddie and hi everyone.
Ok first of all eddie im not sure how I found your site intially but thank the lord I did.
Im gonna start by saying I read your post about narcasists and my hisband is deffo one heres my harrowing painful story.
I have beem married 3 yrs but together a shockin 14 yrs. In the beginning the first say 3 yrs I felt like a queen out on a pedastal and had the most amazing man a dream come true … he took on my 3 children ages 2 4 and 6 .. he wanted a chikd with me and at fiest I saod no but few yrs in we had a child and if im honest that’s when it all started to go wrong.
He left me for a 17 yr old and just rang me and said im. Not comin home she was ny babysitter and when I found out I went mental …. but like a mug I took him bk after a few weeks and things actually got bk to jormal and I learnt to teust him again he changed his whole life style and for 10 yrs things seemed amazing we got married and alk was well …. but bknin may he did the dirty on me and broke my heart and wen he left I was so angry that he coukd do that in our marriage and to our children and again things got nasty we argued over textes fone calls etc and he joined a datig site I was so mad at this and coudnt cope he was meeting diff woman going away for weekends and then 4 months later he found out I was going on a date and he started calling me teying to gain control clearlythings was going wrong for him at this point and he ccouldn’t handle me going with someone else …. cut a long story short ok I was a meas I believed his every word that he loved me and I took him back again ! The kids where settled again but only 7 weeks later he just upped and walked out as my dad woukdnt shake his hand and told him he wont foegive him as he hurt me so bad with that he walked out the door and chexk this out ignored my calls instantly blocked me on whatsapp and facebook and texted me saying ots iver ya family will never forgive me and I will thank him in yrs to come …. to say I was broken was a understatement I was left to tell the kids again he walked out and my famiky to the embarrasment was terrible Nd wen I asked him why I wasnt worth the efdort and did he just come bk for our little one and did he ever love me he ignored all my texts he is a total ass and I cant get past the favt I feel so cheated by him and his lack of concern for our family he was only interested in his belongings and our youngest daughter … I decided at this point adter I gave him bk his chit id start no contact its been 17 days and here I am … he sent me a text and on thsinsite I found a measage to send bk basically making uim beleuve my fone has blocked any contact with him and it worked as he hasnt aent a meaage since but a few times he has gone thro my son to ask a question or to see how much maintenance I want when he starts a job … I havent spoken a word to him and I delt stronger but few hours ago my son saod his dad texted saying he was away for weekend im no guessing hes got a new woman already after 3 weeks and ia out there kiving it up while im here making ends meet they ng to work around kids and feeling such pain from all this agony …. I thoght id post to get it all off my chest and pray for some advice I was findinf the no contact easier but yesterday and today I feel the irge to message him and I no I cant cos he will deeed off it and ignore me abyway cos hes been a ass before like that 🙁 I feel reallly down today
Hello All,
I’ve been in NC for 11 months now & planning to keep it rolling…there were some moments where i felt having the urge to contact my Ex and just hear his voice…to talk to him & check how has he been doing…I thank God for not contacting him & keeping the NC ongoing. We always tend to remember the good times we were having in our relation and try to avoid remembering the harsh & hurtful way the EX treated us through the pre dumping & dumping phases, being left without answers for what have we done or why at a sudden they’ve left us…i don’t deny that i still most of the days thinks about him but i’m not letting this brings more heart ache or depression.
i don’t know if i’m going to trust any man again & i don’t care or think about it as we’ll say what destiny will be revealing by everyday….but if i see my EX i will sure that him for making me realizing things in a different perspective now: I love my self more, I met new people, I changed my job, I love my life more & living everyday gracefully…
Thanks for sharing that Suzan, I am on 3 months today and its been really hard. But I now feel certain I never want to see him again and I know I will get to 11 months one day too. I keep bumping into him but ignore him now. I hate it, but no choice but to carry on. The pain is unreal at times but so much less than it was in the first few weeks, so take heart everyone, it does get better as long as you stick with no contact. Well done to you and everyone who is brave enough to do this, it seems impossible to begin with, but now I am so glad I did it at last.
Hi all! Hang in there! I KNOW how difficult it all seems right now. Believe me I was just there. But it DOES get easier. I am on day 65 and you know what- I feel amazing. Do I think of him daily? Yes. Do I still get sad thinking about the years we spent being flushed down the drain? Of course. But you what feels better?? Knowing that I’m not wasting my time with a man that values me so little. I don’t have to worry who is calling him late at night, I don’t need to feel unappreciated. I don’t need to ever feel suspicious of his actions. And I don’t have to play detective anymore trying to sort thru all his lies! That in and of itself is soooooo freeing!! I am not mourning him anymore- I am mourning who I THOUGHT he was was. I’m also mourning the dream I built in my head for me and him. But you have one life and you need to love yourself and treasure your heart. Karma will take care of everything else. Get off Facebook. Stop driving my his house. Stop staking his new girl. All of that is pointless and keeps you STUCK. It’s time to get unstuck. Follow eddies advice and his rules and I know you will feel worlds better. Love yourself and love your heart. Feel what you feel- but also take the time to feel and acknowledge just how beautiful you are and how much better you truly deserve. The one who is meant for you is just around the corner- but before that happens- it’s time to dive in and do some work!! God bless you all xoxox
Great post! I am over 4 months no contact and i see progress in myself, but the last couple of days have been a return to the time right after our break up, in that the pain is intense and i want so badly for him to reach out to me. I don’t know if there is a pain quite like the pain caused by seeing how little you mattered to someone you thought you meant something to. Faith and time … i am praying that they do their job eventually in the healing process.
Hi eddie & everyone on here , thanks for this, it has helped me more than i thought reading this, my ex lives right opposite where i work and its been so hard but today my boss announced he is retiring and closing the company :o) not only is this the best news ( i know it sounds wrong) but ive decided to sell my house and move away … my friend has offered me a room in her house and a job with her until i get myself sorted out and its out of the town where we both live ( my ex & i ) you see ive been in an emotionally abusive relationship he is almost stalking me even now parking at the side of my work making it awkward for me at every turn so for me this is a fresh new start for me and i cant wait to leave :o).
I was in No Contact for 8 days and I felt really proud of myself, and toward the 8th day, I knew that I should leave well enough alone, but I wanted him to know how deep my wound was. I wrote him a really scathing email about what he did, but he didn’t even acknowledge that. Instead he wanted to talk about the few remaining belongings he had at my house. After a few days of going around and around about his stuff, and dancing around issues, I finally confronted him about his behavior toward the end, his lies and his new relationship. I didn’t get the answers I was looking for, but he did admit he was a coward, confused and afraid. You’d think I’d feel better, but I just went right back into the mourning phase. Fortunately it didn’t last as long as the first time, nor was as severe. I went No Contact again, but this time only lasted 4 days. I will have to jump back on that wagon because I know it is the right thing to do. Every time I give up and slip backward and don’t see any results or effort from my ex, it reminds me of who he really is. A total shit who lied to me and my daughter and mooched off of me for years and didn’t give me the kind of relationship I deserve.
its so hard isnt it? i wish you the best of luck … reading all these on here does help you and your daughter deserve the best i have a daughter and if she was with someone like that id tell her the same we all deserve to be happy and to have a partner that actually deserves our love & time :o) xxx
Hi,
Its been a year since the breakup. I thought I was never going to make it to the other side in one piece. I was blindsided by the breakup .He had kissed me on the forehead before leaving for a night party and then in the morning he tells me that he cheated on me. I could not believe it. I cried and I felt the most depressed I ever felt in my whole life. After a few days, maybe a week, I was informed that he choose to be with the other girl with whom he had cheated on me. And he changed abruptly. He was very cruel and said something like “I deserved to be treated like that”. He said he never had any feelings for me and he feels for this new girl like he has never felt for me. We were together for an year and a half. He could not even bear to be around me. It was like I disgusted him. I made all the initial mistakes of pleading, trying to be friends but nothing seemed to be working. And finally after three weeks of all the trials, I just moved away from him. I came across this site and learned that the only hope I had was to go NC which I did. Thank you Eddie for being with me through the worst phase of my life. Its been exactly a year since I walked away. In the meantime I broke NC twice on some lame excuses via email but the result was just more of his bullshit. I had enough and have stuck to NC. I know I will keep up with it because something inside me has snapped. Now when I look at him (we work together), I wonder what on earth did I ever like him for? I cannot see the person I saw in him. Either he changed or my rose colored glasses have worn off. Till date I don’t understand what exactly happened but now I don’t kill myself as much as I used to. With help from Eddie’s coaching, I have slowly regained back my self-esteem, am in best shape of my life and am back to re-discovering myself wrt hobbies, friends, my passion.
I have told my story so that anyone who is in a situation where they feel they will never make it to the other side of the tunnel, have faith and keep on walking. You will come out stronger. Believe me. I like myself much better than what I was during the relationship.
Love you all and take care,
R
I am so happy to read this, thank you for taking the time to post this. I see my ex around a lot, so NC is hard to do, but reading you worked with your ex, is amazing to me. How did you manage it, I am so scared of bumping into ‘them’. I think mine meant to be cruel to be kind! So yours may have too. Being able to hate them helps, but I still love him 80+ days on. I have to get over him I cannot stand be pain.
Its been 2 months since my breakup. The man I once loved cheated on me and now is having a baby with women he left me for. He regrets cheating on me but I cannot be with him. Esp knowing his having a baby with another women . Its been a rough road since he randomly texts me every 2weeks then when I text back he his sorry that I deserve better. I feel betrayed and just hurt. I will be trying to do much better with not contating him and just deleting his text messages if he calls. Its not worth the pain .
I have the opposite problem. After months of not contacting my ex I can honestly say I hope I never hear from him again. I am terrified of running into him and the girl he replaced me with. I know its crazy but it causes me anxiety everytime I go out. Honestly if I never talked to him or saw him ever again it would be to soon.
Hi Elly, it sucks doesn’t it. I agree after this initial NC I got clarity and I never want to see him again either. I have the same fear of bumping into them. It’s so bad I don’t want to leave my house. Does anyone know how we can deal with this fear?
Awww…Hope – I know its hard, but he wins without even knowing it by letting your fear keep you from walking out that door with your head held high!… We’re not broken, just a little bruised & battered inside, that’s all…I make it a point every day to do my hair, make up & clothes for the slim chance today could be ‘ The’ day I should cross paths with my ex!…I don’t want to see him, I want HIM to see ME, getting along just fine & dandy, carrying on without him, & looking pretty damn good while doing it…even if some days its half a lie! – I’d just as soon gnaw my right arm off before i’d ever let him know it!…he did not break me, just battered & bruised me inside, that’s all – I took back what’s mine & took away his right to hurt me or win ever again!…hold your head up, take back what’s yours & walk thru that door! (hair & make up every day puts you in an empowering state of mind, even if ya don’t cross paths!)….give it a try, see if it helps any…hang in there hun…I’m 4 months into healing & 25 days into my 60 no contact!…it does get better, I promise!
Thank you so much for your reply Kit, I know you are right. I tried it yesterday and went out dressed to impress to our local Mall! I was a bag of nerves though, and Didn’t bump into him!! But at least he isn’t holding me prisoner any more. But I don’t want him to see my fear, I was literally shaking, not sure how I stop that!
I started no-contact the day after he blindsided me with the break-up. This Monday, which was about nine days in, I succumbed and wrote him a very long email, laying out all of my grievances about what he did and what he has been doing since the breakup (I knew thanks to my habit of checking his facebook page) and how angry I was at him. I told him I didn’t know who he was anymore. I asked that he address all these points if he truly wanted to remain friends, as he said to me on the day of our breakup. I also finally deleted him on facebook that night.
He responded methodically to all the points in my email, telling me he had no feelings left, creating a list of things he didn’t like about me and liked about me, telling me I’d make someone else a good girlfriend/wife someday, and he also told me he’d be taking a girl out this weekend for her birthday (this was only 9 days after our breakup).
I don’t know if my email counts as breaking no-contact, or if this was something I needed to do because I did not get a real chance to let everything off my chest after the breakup. I do believe that everything I said on the night of the breakup shouldn’t count as letting it out, because at that moment, I was in shock. But either way, his reply definitely showed me there is no hope and no getting back together. The day I got his reply made me feel like I took a step back on my recovery. That day, I did not do much but cry, rant, and lay in bed. But the next two days, I was a teeny bit better, and no where near what I felt in the first two days after the breakup. So I do not believe my email restarted the entire clock on recovery. Who knows, maybe this type of situation of breaking no-contact actually helped. However, deleting him off my facebook that night definitely helped. It was the last thing that kept me tied to him, my last portal to glimpse into his life. Now, for some reason, I haven’t checked his page again, even though half his posts are public. I used to check it multiple times when we were still friends. If anyone else has had an experience like this, where breaking no-contact might have helped them get closure in the long run, please let me know. Best wishes to all in our recovery.
Hi Jenna, first of all big hug, I feel for you and empathise totally. The early days are the worst, and I totally get the checking fb and I even resorted to stalking. Sad I know. My ex is with another woman now and it kills me every time I see him. I wish I would never see him again, but it’s impossible for me. I am afraid that your email counts, even me accidentally bumping into him counts according to
Eddie. So unfair but I get it. I have started day 1 so many times I have lost count. I was at day 80+ but I saw them together in the middle if that and then again yesterday! But I actually realise it doesn’t matter any more to me now, what day I am on. I originally used 60 day NC as a quick way (I thought!) to get through the time and then I hoped he would want to see me again. But it’s so clear, now that won’t happen. It hurts like hell. But I am now in a much better place to accept that. Are you secretly holding onto a similar hope?
I did break no contact to see him the last time, before my 80 days started. I am glad I did as I did get some closure. It helped, because like yourself instead of not being 100 % sure it was completely over, he made it very clear it was. That helped, because previously he had been leaving it open. (Selfish git). So I went through months of hell hanging on. I am so glad that he made it clear. You may not be yet, but one day you will. It stings, but as Eddie says to get over it you have to realise there is no hope. So start today on day 1. Put all your effort into yourself, he really doesn’t deserve you. Trust me on that. X
Similar scenario except my ex wanted to remain ‘friends’ but has NEVER responded to points I wrote him or asked him initially, but still occasionally texts and even pops around. He left for someone else and drops her name – trying to get me to ‘like’ her (I may well have liked her in different circumstances), but I have no desire to discuss her with him. Our NC has been mostly upheld and it has kept me sane, despite my still having vivid dreams that seem so real. But as days and weeks go by (6months) I know the NC is constructive whereas if I hear from or see him those feelings of ‘hope’ are raised, even though I know there is none – and that is destructive, so I don’t need it anymore! I feel I am on the right path. All best wishes with your journey.
HI Guys, hw u been?its been long time,have’nt visited this website…its been last dec it jus happened…things felll apart,but i controlled myself hoping that journey would get better,i hated the pain but i hated to get back to the person who hurt me even more…now em great,i find happiness in me..i go to gym,i listen to music,buy gadgets,browse things,think about business and stuff…em absolutely great…so what i understand is its true..it will be normal, u will stop loving …dont b worried all good..yes it will take time but it will be ok,you are done ,you will indeed be happy it happened,because so many things happened in my life all at once…i cried, i was worried,depressed,alone…but i never stopped going to gym,,,because i could hit the frustration their…so trust me…there is good there is bad there is everything and every person has to face it,if you havent faced it yet ,be ready to take it…dont run away…i dont know how you guys take eddies thoughts but i believe the reason i feel i have tasted greatest moments of my life was when i actually spent time realising his thoughts,ideas and what he really meant…spent time reading his website again and again… i actually like this guy lot…hes been the greatest guy i have ever met…ofcourse only on website..
HOPE:
This one is for you,i have gone through this website today after 5 months, i cured in like two weeks,cure doesnt mean i stopped thinking,but it means you realise that its over,you dont need that person and you need you…to need yourself do something which you think can help you in future,yes at this stage everything is mazed and puzzling,but just do it…no power can stop you…trust me someday you are the powerful person…
about being scared??
you know something,even i was scared,im scared today also…im business man im scared my business will go dead ,i take risks everyday..nothing wrong in being scared…every human is scared…every animal is scared…..even lion is scared…dont you agree???
so relax…i was scared and i kept saying the same…
y r u scareD??have you thought about it?will your ex eat you??naaa ex got no guts for that…indeed you know they are more scared than you :)…its fact,you can check with eddie ;)…yes they are scared,how will you screw their present lol….
one thing hope every human is scared everyone,even mike tyson was scared,sensitive, i read in his biography,so how you see things matter…you need to look so strong that the other person should get scared…so act like that..trust me just act…because world is full of actors…
dont get scared…hes gone..y u scared offf??i know its your heart that stopping you…but go and hit the weights or something and remove frustration…if he sees you so what ??so what??so what?? so what???
what is the worst he can do??
jus think this way: i thought similar…..would you bark at dog??would fight with dog??would you care what dog thinks about you…??????????????????????????????
DOG DOG DOG DOG…
You mattered to me …so i replied this for you…take care…trust me…you will live a great life ahead and no one in this world is gonna die alone…no one just enjoy the life…no one has defined or defines how life is to be lived,you define it,you do what you think,you be happy…..just love what you do…
tc friend from india :))
Thank you so much tc for taking the time to think of me and share your very encouraging words. You are very kind. I don’t know what I am scared of, I am just so humiliated. And I will see him a lot because we live in a very small place. You are right he might be scared what I might do. I won’t do anything but that thought is useful, as it does give me some power back. It’s very difficult to have no contact in such a small place, so I am always being reminded of him. It’s very painful. Thank you again, you are a very caring soul.
I am on NC for more than 3 months now. There have been good and ugly moments. I still get dreams of my ex. He didnt contact me even once in these 3 months, which hurts even more.
After 60 days, you will find no reason to talk to your ex thats for sure. Whenever i feel the urge to talk to him, i ask myself what why do i want to talk to him; to find out yet another time that he is so over me and not affected by the pain i am feeling!
Only help i need is about
1. how do i stop thinking about him?
2. How do i regain my faith into myself since i have also made some mistakes in the relationship?
Please help!
Hey Su,
I recommend reading the Free article of Eddie’s & you’ll find the answers for your questions. from my personal experience, It’s been almost a year now since my breakup & i’ve been through what you are thinking of & i still sometimes do especially when i’m alone. that’s why i avoid setting alone and always look for people gathering; at work, or with family & friends or even through an activity with total strangers.
to forget him (which is not easy at all), get busy, find a new interest, socialize, read a book, go to gm, to a walk, do shopping which you were postponing, love your self more..AVOID ROMANTIC MOVIES & SONGS they’ll bring you heartaches more than you can imagine….you’ll discover that days pass and you are not thinking about him constantly and you’ll discover that you re-gained faith in yourself. trust your family & true friends opinion.
hang in there,,it is not easy but we’re still alive without them 🙂
take Care
Suzan
Thank you Eddie for this site and all of the support that has come from it. I am on day 27 of NC and have to admit the first two weeks were easy because I was bitter and angry and didn’t want to make contact with my ex. But now my heart has melted as I am in the process of healing and forgiving. It’s been a little harder but I just keep remembering my goals and remind myself to trust in you and that there is a reason you ask us to have NC for 60 days. I am making plans for my future and am concentrating on all of the things I have to be grateful for in my life. I read this site everyday. All of these things have helped me push forward with my life.
In the beginning I of the break up I was just trying to survive each minute, then slowly the hour, then the day, then a few days, etc. Now I am just living and trying to be stay positive. For those of you who are freshly broken up, please, please take advantage of this website and follow Eddie’s advice. He has hit the nail on the head and I am proof that if you follow NC and use this time to better yourself and truly accept that your relationship is over, the healing DOES happen in time. I’ll admit, sometimes I catch myself day dreaming about getting back to my ex in a year or two, BUT then I realize I need to be in the moment and focus on my growth and development. Life is beautiful. Life is full of magic if you take the time to see it. We can and we WILL heal from this experience and be much better people for it in our next relationship.
I wish you all Love, Light, and Peace. Namaste 🙂
thank you kay 😀
I have been ok with the NC rule – I ended the relationship – he got a baby with the girl he was cheating on me with. I just want to stop thinking about him and I recently saw the picture of the baby that they had and it almost destroyed me. I just want to move on with my life without thinking about him and wishing he did not cheat on me – wishing he was the “good soul” that I thought he was. He also fleeced me off alot of money – he was building his life with the other girl while we were together – so I feel very cheated and generally deceived. I cannot believe that he could do that to me.
Hi Sarah!!!!!
Everything will get better one day. You will not feel so sad for all his actions, it will become irrelevant with whom he is, what he is doing. Acknowledge that it hurts, because it still matters. Our mind and heart after being fed up of this bad feelings, will one day automatically do things that will make us better.
You have taken the first step in faith. Gradually, you will reach the top.
Sarah, you are not alone…I too went through the same turmoil a few years ago; I was with my EX for about 4 years, cheated on me and got his ex pregnant, told me over text, never apologized and the end. I was forced to decide to keep living and find my way out of the shit hole he put me in. What I learned is that once you hit rock bottom, it can only get better, you feel the pain so much greater than you that you literally feel your heart turn to ashes…just know that it DOES get better. I now feel NOTHING for my ex, I have gotten to the point to where I can see his kids and his wife, and feel absolutely NOTHING. As when before just seeing a car that looked like hers would have me crying rivers..now the pain is gone. It’s so weird he also took money from me. After a year of NC I was so much better…dont give up But please know that you are a very brave person and I will for sure be rooting for you
I am a 6-month-post-breakup survivor!
Yes, I call it surviving, because I thought the pain would kill me, but It didn’t.
If you are still struggling with the breakup, accept my advice and do exactly what Eddie says. You WILL see the right and bright path in front of you, and you will know what is best for you to do, after you are totally past-detoxified and ex-detoxified.
You are gonna survive and be able to protect yourself from further pains..
Your future is bright.
I am on 84 days no contact now apart from accidentally bumping into him and his new girlfriend 4 weeks ago, which absolutely killed me. I am too scared to leave my house now for fear of seeing them again. The pain is horrendous. I just don’t know what to do?
Hey Guys,
I was in a relationship for 6 years .My Girl friend broke up with me last week . I am trying not to miss her but everything I do I just can’t forget her . I literally want to be with her. I have made mistakes and I have accepted then before her but she isn’t coming back. She says she has lost all feeling for me. I begged, cried like a baby , sent her gifts, Long messages. every god damn thing but she is indifferent to all this . It is becomng unbearable for me to see her like this . How can she do this to me. She loved me madly and so did I. I just read about NO Contact. I think I should try this but deep in my heart I still feel that she will come back. I really do. Please Tell me what should i do. Much appreciated.
@Ponting, I think your story is as same as me,my gf broke up with me on 23/10/2014 it was diwali in India,i can not forget that the day she game me most memorable gift.but friend today is more then 10 days i did not see her,did not text her nor call her. I am just trying to recover from this pain.I was also shocked when she said that she has no feeling about me however she used to madly love me,in our 4.5 years of relationship there was not a single day when we do not speak with each other but today is a day where we have not spoken for more then 10days,one guy has come in her life may be this would be the reason she forgot me.But i wanted to know one thing is it really true she is not remembring me for a single second because that guy has already come in her life? It is too painful i really loved her.
Hi.
I just came to this site not so long time ago. But also similar thing happend to me. I did everything for no contact rule and I thought I will be safe. I cuted every photo, blocked every contact, even with almost all same friends we had. But did not help me.
I just realized that I can t control anything, no matter how I tryed. And my day 21 NC was a lot of worse then day 19. Althought I did not met her, just accidently discover something.
U are going throught terrible situation. What is helping me is praying to God. I surrender my life to his will. No contanct is great tool but sometimes we can not avoid accidental bumping to our exes, or randomly geting information about their lives.
Try thinking “They won’t last either”. Nothing ever lasts in life. Everything changes, every single minute of the day. Now they’re all honeymooney, but they won’t last either (even though they now think they will, as all couples in the beginning).
Also, he is The Past. Try staying in the moment. God, I know, it’s not easy!!! But you can do it!!!!! And don’t stay at home!!!!
For those who are new to Eddie’s site, the first thing you must do it is trust the advice given on this site. its painful, hard and devastating but you can do it if you trust what you learn here. Read the stories, feel the pain of others, offer advice, whatever you need to heal.
I’ve broken NC more than I’d like to remember and it all started 6 months ago. When I am weak i always find my way back to this site. Hang in there, learn what works and never be ashamed. You have friends that feel your pain. Good luck!
Hey Eddie,
Thanks for your great support .
I’m on NC day number 20 and it’s not getting any better ,thinking about my ex wakes me up at night . We dated for a year and grew very close and suddenly she started pulling back and forth , she disappears and appears out of the blue .
I never got closure ,that’s the worst thing to do to someone who loves you !
Eddie , I miss her , I know she’s moved on way back but I still can’t figure out how to live without her ..
I hope no one gets their heart broken .
Cheers.
Taking the first step was easy for me, every single time I tried!… It was the steps (and days) following that were really hard!… I couldn’t make it a full 2 weeks without breaking the N.C. rules….utterly perplexing to me, I have to admit!…I’m proud to say, I am now on day 22 of N.C., and getting stronger & healthier every day…I had to fall off a few times before it really sunk in, but all the b.s. of being in contact with an ex after a breakup is so much worse than the pain & hard work of N.C….trust me, N.C. works wonders for healing!…it isnt easy, but it’s worth it!
Hello Mister Eddie, it’s been almost 4 months since I broke up with my first boyfriend. unlike other couples, we broke up in a good and peaceful way. I don’t have anything to get mad at him, except that he gave up first. At first I was a bit upset to him, but later on I’ve learned to understand him. My last communication with him, was during New Year, I greeted him before I finally decided the NC thingy by myself. Now, I suddenly felt the urge of wanting to know what’s happening on his life and keeping in touch with him again, that’s why I searched on the internet how to deal with it, then luckily I came across this website. Thank you, for I find peace in here that I’m not the only one facing this kind of battle. That I’m not alone.
Hi, Everyone:
I have never done any posting before on websites but this one has caught my attention. I loved the raw truth advice given about what to do after a break up. I was the one that ended the relationship of 4 years with my ex-boyfriend. It is still hard to see that word EX because we just stopped talking for good last week. We wanted to be friends right afterwards but I knew that it would only lead to more trouble in the future. I was already getting signs from his part that there would still be hope for him that we would get back together because he would call/text me multiple times a day as if we were never broken up. After reading this article, I understood why exes cannot be friends period. I am working on the 60 day no contact rule. Its funny, now that I have written my self the contact, I want to contact him even more. I guess you can say it is cause I see it on paper that it really is final. I am on day two. After reading all of you guys comments, I have hope that I will be able to move on from this relationship that was once existed.
Ending this relationship was the hardest thing that I had to do. The reason why was that he was not a bad person at all. I never got cheated on and we never got into major arguments. The only problem was that we were simply not compatible. I wanted to believe that we were because he had all the other qualities I was looking for. I only really saw that we were not compatible was when we got into a long distant relationship. He had to move back to his home town in New Mexico for a job opportunity last June. We talked about future plans over the phone but some how I just could not see my self fitting in his plans. I was devastated. I already had that gut feeling when we were together that we were just two different people but I just wanted us to work.
Its interesting to be on the one who has to break up. It hurts just as much because you know you could easily stay in the relationship but you also know that is not the right thing to do if you fall out of love. And most of all, its so hard to see the other person hurt. its like you also broke his future dreams and heart. But I am trying to move forward with support of family and friends. I am so glad I found this website to relate to others.Some other people don’t understand that it is just as painful to be the one who breaks up with someone as someone breaking up with you. I am glad I am not alone in this break up recovery. Thank you eddie.