Many years ago, when I finally overcame my extremely painful break up, I noticed a strong shift in different areas of my life. I’d become stronger, more independent, my relationship to others had improved-I was simply able to enjoy life more.
That was the moment when I started to plan how to convey this to other people with similar problems. But I wasn’t sure if the techniques I used would help other break up or divorce victims as well. Maybe they were only helpful in my personal case?
That’s when I went in search of the magic formula for overcoming a break up.
I had a concrete idea how a coaching program would look like, but I also needed another perspective, not just my own. So I decided to interview as many people as possible about how they survived their break ups or divorces.
I started with relatives, then friends, then friends of friends. I did a survey in a newspaper, and finally with the help of a friend psychologist, I was able to interview numerous people with different experiences.
Among them were a few who seemed to go through this process without any effort-with natural lightness. I then especially targeted those, for I was sure that they had some special traits which enabled them to get this behind them much quicker, and with less effort than all the others.
My coaching program was born.
Today, I want to share with you these special traits and mindsets which the “natural” survivors of break ups have had or have developed. Their knowledge will help you to realize where your own problems lie and how you can overcome them effectively.
Here are the 7 most important traits for overcoming a break up fast:
Have you learned to detach yourself from your partner during the relationship?
Detachment does not mean that you do not love your partner, but it implies the knowledge that you don’t need your partner for your own happiness. Your happiness comes from within. It’s important to realize this.
Have you ever learned to live alone, that you can survive on your own? This is a very important attribute, which helps when you need to face a divorce with more confidence. This is especially important for housewives, who don’t work outside the home for their living.
2. Having a Life-Goal
Most of the successful break up survivors have a life goal, which is independent from their relationship. This could be a business, a work related career or a success in sports. Anything that satisfies an ambition you are passionate about and which makes you happy.
It is important that your relationship or marriage is not the only thing that’s vital in your life.
3. Mental Control
One of the main reasons that we suffer heavily from break ups or divorces is our inability to control our thoughts.
Very often we are caught in a vicious cycle of negative thoughts, which eventually lead to more suffering. Whether or not we are able to break free of it depends on our ability to control our mind.
Persons who practiced meditation and other mind-controlling techniques before the break up are in a better position to handle this.
4. High Self-Esteem
Do you feel incomplete without your partner? Was s/he the better part of you? Then a separation would of course be a drastic experience for you.
It is very important to develop a natural self-esteem. Self-love and self-confidence is something you can develop through different continuous exercises. These are personal traits that will help you improve every aspect of your life, not only your relationships or your ability to cope with a break up or divorce.
To love yourself, and thereby establish a strong self-confidence, is one of the most vital ingredients of living a fulfilled life.
5. Having an Extroverted Personality
You can divide mankind in two different main personality types: introverted and extroverted.
I have observed that extroverted personalities overcome break ups much easier.
They enjoy having people around them and incline to energize themselves through interaction, whereas introverts tend to concentrate more on their own feelings and thoughts, which is fatal during a break up.
Being one of these personalities is something that is deeply wired into you, hence it is very difficult to change this, but you can at least aspire after the extroverted side.
6. Being the Action-Type
How do you react when problems occur? Are you more the action-solution type, or do you tend to hide yourself away in lethargy and procrastination? This is again where the humanity divides in two types.
Of course we all know that it’s better to be a problem solver, unfortunately this doesn’t make it easier. This is a social induced problem, so it’s possible to train yourself towards being a person who acts.
The action-type personality suffers much less from break ups or divorces. Taking action drives away fears.
7. Experience in the Dating-Game
“Will I ever find someone new?” That is one of the most asked questions after a relationship break up.
If you are an experienced dater, and you know “the game”, then you have a crucial advantage: You don’t have to pose this question to yourself-you can go out there and find a new partner who fulfills your needs, when you are ready. You’d know how it’s done.
This is more of a comfort than you might think. This means conquering the fear of being alone.
Fortunately, this is a skill which can be learned.
What is the magic formula for overcoming a break up, you might ask?
It is understanding where your personal problems are and reacting upon them. It is developing the traits for surviving a break up or divorce faster and easier.
That’s what I do in my personal coaching.
You can go through the above list and narrow down the traits where you have to work on yourself. Any improvement will immediately manifest itself in all the areas of your life.
You alone have the key for your wellbeing. Use it.
If you need help, I’m there for you.
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