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Who Suffers More From A Broken Heart – Men Or Women?

Photo by: Martin Gommel

When it comes to suffering from a broken heart, we all have to go through the ups and downs of an emotional rollercoaster equally, both men and women.

But is it possible that there are gender differences in the intensity of going through the painful stages of a break-up? Does one of them suffer more than the other in general?

According to a study that was published in an issue of the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, this is very well the case. The study of more than 1,000 men and women of 18 to 23 years of age shows that a broken heart hurts men more than women.

An article at LA-Times summarizes that in even more detail. The researchers found that break-ups cause men more emotional grief, and that they feel their identity and self-worth threatened more.

I find that very contrary to popular belief that puts women, in general, into a more sensitive and vulnerable place.

My personal experiences in coaching hundreds of men and women since 2005 don’t substantiate any of these findings at all.

In my experience, men and women both suffer equally.

However, they both express their grief in different ways, have different belief-systems when it comes to their recovery and they both attach different weight to the various stressors in a break-up.

To name an example, men suffer more from the thought that their Ex could be with another man than they do from the notion the Ex could have moved on completely.

With women, it’s exactly the other way around. But the actual emotional pain is the same.

Whether or not you suffer a lot after a break-up, experience a loss of identity or have it more or less under control solely depends on your belief-system, your ability to adapt to new situations and the level of your emotional independence.

MORE: The Magic Formula For Overcoming A Break-Up Fast

The common belief is also that women have a much bigger support-system they can turn to and have no problems communicating their innermost thoughts.

Whereas men don’t discuss such matters among themselves, as they don’t want to appear weak and “uncool”. Thus, a man cannot go anywhere for emotional support.

While this may or may not be true, it certainly inspires rather upsetting comments like one that followed the LA-Times article:

“Wow, they had to do a study to figure this out? For any woman who has had to listen to a man go on and on about his ex, this is old news. Women are much better adjusted and have friends to help us through. Just get over it dude!”

Having that comment in mind, and being interested in what everybody out there thinks about this problem, I’ve asked my twitter followers the following question:

“I’d like to know what you think: Who suffers more after a breakup? Men or women?”

Here are the best two opinions:

So the answer to the question who suffers more from a broken heart may strongly depend on whom you ask, and an answer can only come from their own personal experience – because who can assess the emotional pain of others?

But I think rather than asking who suffers more, the much better and more valuable question would be – who has the better basic prerequisite provided by society to get over a break-up faster, men or women?

We leave that for another time…

You can read the article about the conducted study here.

I’d love to know what YOU think. Please share in the comment section below.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

44 Responses to Who Suffers More From A Broken Heart – Men Or Women?

  1. rochelle June 26, 2013 at 4:26 pm #

    It is impossible to generalize. Studies can be done but it also depends upon the individual personality of the man or woman, their family history in terms or whether they felt “abandoned” or emotionally hurt at an early age. the reality is that we can try to generalize but which gender hurts more is dependent upon many factors beyond the scope of an individual study.

    • Eddie Corbano June 26, 2013 at 7:18 pm #

      Thank you Rochelle for your comment.

      I completely agree, it is impossible for a study to consider the lifetime experiences of a “whole” person, all it can give us are tendencies…

    • malenda November 27, 2016 at 8:38 pm #

      All i know is all the relationships i suffered heart break not him , even down to my own husband

  2. Monica June 26, 2013 at 7:41 pm #

    That study does not prove anything. It’s been done on 1000 people aged 18-23. Not representative at all. Who suffers more? I think it depends more on age and life experiences than gender.

    • Eddie Corbano June 26, 2013 at 8:16 pm #

      Yes Monica, I also don’t understand why they limited the age to 18-23, these are more or less first time break-up experiences. They should’ve conducted the same study to different age ranges to be representative.

      • Monica June 26, 2013 at 9:52 pm #

        I am a sociologist by profession. To make a proper study you need a representative sample of the population. You need to actually calculate what procent of your study target is aged between 18-23, 23-28, 28-32….and so on and then do the same for all criteria: gender, profession, location, etc. After that you just match the procents with your sample population and you’ve got yourself a representative group that can give you a better answer to your questions.
        Otherwise is just a waste of time. Might as well just guess.
        I have a hunch that older dumpees might suffer for longer than younger ones just because their self esteem will be lower after more failed relationships. Is that true? It might be or not. It’s just a guess. 🙂

        • Eddie Corbano June 26, 2013 at 10:02 pm #

          Yes, it seems that it’s more difficult to get over an Ex the older you get… another reason might also be that it’s getting harder to imagine a happy and fulfilled picture of yourself.

          However, this also depends heavily on who you are and the skill-set and background you have to see “beyond” your current situation.

  3. Brenda June 27, 2013 at 1:03 am #

    Hi I am on older person trying to get through the breakup.I was involved for 4 years with a man who I thought was my soulmate-I had been married(once) for 31 years previous to that and he had had 3 failed relationships(2 marriages, one live in),when we met.
    I think being older and being in a relationship now takes a little more work as you are both set in certain ways and you both have considerable baggage to overcome.When you are young the world is yours , relationships will come and go and time looks to be on your side and I don’t believe that the grief over terminating a relationship is as intense for a long time-Younger people tend to be more resilient,I think get past it quicker.
    When you are over 60 good available people are hard to meet and when you do meet someone and it ends it’s dreadful.You tend to think and believe is this it? will I ever get another chance at love and somedays you wonder what’s the point of tryng again as it takes soo much energy to try-is it best to stay alone and be safe or risk another blow??
    We tend to dwell I think longer on heartache that young people and hurt perhaps a little deeper.Yes Eddie you are right to say that it is hard to imagine a happy fulfilled picture of yourself now, being older–but having said that hope springs eternal,in my fractured heart–faith and the wonderful website that you provide to us here tells me that I am not alone– my hurts will heal,eventually–the universe has my plan and I trust that I will find love again–thanks Brenda

    • Eddie Corbano June 27, 2013 at 3:29 pm #

      Thank you Brenda for sharing and I’m really sorry for what you have to go through.

      I can only tell you that I had many 60+ clients and that most of them managed to start a new happy and successful life beyond the break-up. I know it’s hard sometimes to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but you have to keep “fighting” on a daily basis… at one point the “positive you” will prevail and then everything will be much easier.

      When you are older the positive attitude is the most important thing… truth is, you can’t attract happiness into your life from a dark place.

      Hang in there!

      Your friend,

      • Sonya July 10, 2013 at 1:42 am #

        Hi Eddie my man just dumped me like 4 times already and I really love him he told me he loves me too but he just thinks its not going to workout for our differences I am doing your no contact rule again it worked the 3 previous times do you think it will work this time again?

        • Eddie Corbano July 10, 2013 at 11:25 am #

          Hi Sonya,

          If you mean by “work again” that he comes back to you then you have completely misunderstood the NC Rule as I teach it and you are wrong here. Besides, a man that leaves you 4 times isn’t a man you want to have in your life.

          Sorry for being so direct, but you needed to hear that.

          Your friend,

    • Richard June 29, 2013 at 6:44 am #

      Hi Brenda:

      I’m 56, and on day 18 of NC. It’s been pretty tough on me…been married twice, but I thought I’d finally found “The One,” my soulmate, whatever you want to call it. Met her online in early December of last year, and she brought out feelings in me I hadn’t felt in decades. Never been with someone who made me laugh so easily, who made me feel ten feet tall just to be seen with her. Every time we went out it felt like a scene from a romantic movie.

      A couple of weeks ago, I noticed she was acting distant, and I got the uneasy feeling that I was trying to hang on to something that was slipping away from me. I checked online, and saw that not only was her profile still up, she was active–sometimes online several times a day. I confronted her about it, and she gave me a B.S. story about how whenever she fired up her computer it showed her as being online on the dating websites. Later that night, I wrote her a heartfelt email, explaining to her just how important she was to me, and ended it with three choices: Talk it over, take a break, or call it quits. A few hours later, I got a three-word email in response: “Call it quits.” No even a “Thanks for the memories but it’s time to move on, good luck.” Nope. Just “Call it quits.”

      How cold is that?? The first few days after were pure hell. I thought about her 24/7–trying NOT to think about her was like trying to sweep water uphill. A losing battle. As each day goes on, however, although I still think about her and miss her, my thoughts no longer revolve on her constantly. When I do think of her too much, I force myself to change the subject. And, most importantly, my willpower is rock-hard: I will NOT contact her in any way, shape or form.

      When I get too depressed, I recall the comment someone on this forum made that really helped me: “Someone who truly loved you and cared about you would have never done that to you.”

    • Sue July 5, 2013 at 7:57 am #

      Hi Brenda,

      I too am older and my marriage of 8 years has ended. My husband left me 6 weeks ago. I was married before but of course thought this was the “one” and the last. My husband is younger and I believe this may have been one of the issues in spite of his denial. I can only say that yes, I am devastated and trying not to violate the mistakes we’ve all been through but what I can say is that I don’t believe this will be my last meaningful relationship. Maintaining my confidence and self esteem helps me get through the difficult times. Remember we cannot force anyone to love and care for us. I am trying to work on me and my age is secondary to what really matters. I will love again and you will too. It’s hard for me now because I am practicing to NC rule and I must remember that he left me and did not look back. Left our home and our dreams. The good news is I’m glad I did not invest anymore time. I can only take it one hour at a time. This website has helped me so much with a variety of issues that accompany broken hearts. Prayer also helps me. Hang in there and know that this is not the end of you.

  4. SJ June 27, 2013 at 5:02 pm #

    @eddie. Great article! I agree, hard to say who has it hardest in a breakup, it just is hard in general! Any tips on how to keep a break up from taking over your life? I am having a hard time working and have dropped the ball several times in the past few weeks when I can’t afford to. Maybe a future article idea? Thanks so much!

    • Eddie Corbano June 28, 2013 at 2:34 pm #

      Thank you SJ.

      Sorry to hear that… If you look around you’ll find quite a few articles with tips on how to get over your Ex. Don’t forget to subscribe to my newsletter, there I’ll talk you through it step-by-step…

  5. Richard July 5, 2013 at 10:32 pm #

    Men are supposed to be more macho and tough, but I won’t mince words–it hurts. It hurts to realize that someone with whom you love with all your heart and soul does not feel the same way about you.

    I’m on day 27 of NC, and I can see progress. I don’t think of her 24/7, as I did those first awful days after her heartless, three word breakup email: “Call it quits.” I still have bad days–think of the recovery as a stock market graph. The overall trend may be up, but there are down days, too. I still think of her and miss her, but I am absolutely rock-solid in my willpower not to contact her in any way, shape or form.

    • Rob June 14, 2016 at 8:14 am #

      Did it work did you let her go

  6. Brenda July 6, 2013 at 7:39 am #

    Hey stay strong Richard–and thank you for your response to me June 29–I did try to reply but guess it wasn’t accepted.
    I just got back from the movies with a gal pal and strangely enough I didn’t think of him!maybe I am turning a corner?
    I am on five moths of no contact(just) and yes it still hurts-but Eddie gives us the tools and tough love if you will, to move us along.
    Sometimes we just get stuck and mired in the muck of it–and we don’t see the big picture.
    I got an Iphone message”I thought I could make it work this time _I was wrong” that was it-soo I totally get where you are coming from-“call it quits”-don’t dwell on this–as good people are all around–cowards such as my guy and your girl are just that thoughtless heartless individuals-I went to a medium and she said to me don’t sweat this small stuff vibrate on a higher level and you will attract better people–Eddie is right you can’t attract anyone if you are in a dark place==it’s too bad we can’t all have a get together, a fun event-maybe Eddie we can do a “Loves a game Cancun retreat” hahaha I would dearly love that!
    blessings and love to all and again huge thanks to Eddie for doing this for us!

  7. Joi July 6, 2013 at 8:54 am #

    Hi Eddie,

    I guess the person who gets hurt more is the person who have loved and cared more truly and deeply in the relationship. True feelings does not die overnight. I am on day 47 of the NC rule and don’t intend to break it but I would say, this is not an easy journey but am trying to be strong because it is the only choice I have. I still cry when I remember things between us and the plans we made but I realized that when a person leaves a relationship, it is not because of YOU but because of themselves and selfishness. A love so true is worth fighting for.

    Eddie let me thank you for being a “Great break up coach” to a lot of Us dealing with this devastating emotion. I came across to your site wayback in May 2013 and subscribed to your newsletter and I would say that You have helped me a lot to stay focus and know my self worth. At times when I terribly miss my Ex, I go over your newsletter to remind myself that “Hey! Your ex is not thinking of you! He left because he didn’t see you in his future!” It hurts but it’s true because if he did, he will still be with me and not gave up on me no matter how difficult the situation is.

    • Eddie Corbano July 7, 2013 at 6:52 pm #

      Hi Joi,

      Thank you so much… and congrats to the 47 days! Hang in there, don’t you give up!

      Your friend,

      • Joi July 8, 2013 at 5:13 pm #

        Hi Eddie,

        Thank you for your reply.

        I am just wondering though if the level of pain for break in a LDR and no LDR is the same. My relationship with my ex is 2.5 yrs of which 20 months of it was on LDR. During this period, we had set and worked on a goal to be together and processed the papers so I could be with him in your country. When we were almost at the finish line, my ex suddenly had a sudden change of heart and mind and said he realized, he did not wanna get married again and treated me like a total stranger afterwards. No calls, emails, no nothings after he dumped me over the phone.
        I was torn into a million pieces and felt so betrayed and rejected. Your website has been one of my source of strength. Different stories and views of people on this site are my inspiration to keep moving on and life should not end after someone you love dearly left you.

    • Richard July 8, 2013 at 5:22 am #

      “True feelings does not die overnight.” Unfortunately, when we get dumped by someone we truly loved with all our hearts, we cannot simply turn our feelings off like flipping a light switch. I’m approaching the halfway mark (day 28), and even though she betrayed me and broke my heart, I still think of the good times we had together and miss them. Yes, it sounds perverse and bizarre, but I still think of her and miss her. I’m sure all of you can relate to that, as odd as it sounds.

      However, the important thing to remember is that they don’t care about you! If they did, you’d still be together! So we must remain strong and remain out of contact with the person who has hurt and caused us to suffer.

      • Sue July 8, 2013 at 9:47 am #


        Your words are so true. They don’t care about you. My husband left me one month ago after 9 years of marriage. I’m still in denial and shock and have broken the NC rule more than once. I loved him with all my heart but I guess it’s time to begin the healing process. I am now convinced that he left me emotionally long before he physically left. The tape in my head continues to play asking why? Thanks for sharing as all of the comments and this website certainly helps. I wish you the best.

      • Joi July 8, 2013 at 5:22 pm #

        Hi Richard,

        Thank you for your comment on my post. eventhough that I am on almost 2 months from break up. I still do miss him but I hold on to my pride and just think that if I am not worth of his time and attention then he shouldn’t be worth of mine too. Being strong is our only choice at this point of our lives. This too shall pass 🙂

  8. Mick July 9, 2013 at 9:45 am #

    Hey Eddie,

    Thanks for all the great articles for helping people in possibly the most devastating times of our lives. There are a lot of tools to utilize, even if you may feel hopeless..Like me.

    My ex left me for the second time last month. She just cleared her stuff out this week.(which was hard. But I stayed strong in front of her).The first time was about 5 years ago when our daughter was 3. Both times have been equally excruciating.

    Despite the fact that she had a relationship with another man for 2 years the first time, she found the grass wasn’t greener. I swallowed all my pride and we started over. We all thought this was the best for our daughter and we would make it work.

    Things were great the last couple years. Everyone all commented on how they thought we were doing great. Despite making plans for this summer,(even booking vacations), she left again.

    I get the feeling she”ll never be happy in one place too long. I don’t know if she just gets bored or what. But it sucks. And I hate see my daughter suffer. I can see it on her face.It’s awful. She deserves better. Everyone sees it. It seems my ex doesn’t care for my daughters emotions.

    I don’t want to beat you or anybody up with all my other details..But you get the story.

    I was just wondering if I can get any tips about what to do when there’s a child involved? I still love my ex. But I guess ,as much as it hurts,I can’t make her love me back. We’ve been an off and on item for 15 years. Obviously, for me, the no contact rule isn’t an option. Although I wish it was…

    Any tips or advice would be GREATLY appreciated.

    Thanks, Mick

  9. Tamy July 14, 2013 at 12:17 am #

    Hey Richard ( and everyone else hurting),

    I just wanted to say that I’m so very sorry for the pain you are all going through. I know that most of you believe that the person that dumped you didnt care about you and perhaps that is true in most cases… but not all. It’s been 2 1/2 years since I ended a relationship with the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. Yes…I was the dumper. But, not because I didn’t love him. I couldn’t have loved anyone more. It was a LDR that went on for 6 years. In short… He pretended to be someone that he wasn’t. He lied about being married…said they were separated but they weren’t, made up one excuse after another to justify his lies and even went so far as to make me feel like an idiot for not trusting him and blamed his deceitful nature on me stating that I was difficult to talk to at times. Perhaps I was. In my defense, It gets harder and harder to swallow BS the more it’s shoved down your throat. My point is… I ended it because it was more painful to love him then it was to leave him. In June it was 8 months we had NC. Then out of the blue he text me again. He honestly believed if he threw a few baby’s and i love you ‘s at me that we could fast forward and all would be forgotten. As much as I would have loved to… I do not believe that he could ever be the kind of man that he pretends to be. That thought alone breaks my heart still! After everything…I cant explain why I still love him and probably always will…but I could never truly trust him again after lying to me for so many years. not to mention to his wife as well. In any case… Sometimes the dumper does what needs to be done for her/his self preservation.

  10. Jane July 30, 2013 at 11:20 am #

    In my opinion it depends on the person. Everybody reacts to pain and suffering in their own way, some gets over it easier and others don’t.

    Gender doesn’t define you

    Referring to your question “who has the better basic prerequisite provided by society to get over a break-up faster, men or women?” … In modern life, I’ve noticed that men no longer hold back on what they feel, they are no longer afraid to speak out to people and ask advice, so once again it solely depends on whether the person wants to talk or not because there is always someone willing to listen…even if you have to pay for it

  11. Poppy August 3, 2013 at 7:11 am #

    Hi, Eddie. I really struggled after my ex sent his cold text breakup after yo-yo-ing me in and out of relationships since 2011. I really gave us a big chance this time, was all in and he backed out, as shocking and final as a death, leaving $$$ stuff behind. I was told men don’t hurt, grieve, regret or feel sorrow, they just move on. I am left feeling that I did not matter and have no idea what I was in, who I was loving, it’s surreal. I am total NC.
    My question is, none of the above mentions healing times relative to who ended the relationship. Is that relevant? Thanks.

    • Eddie Corbano August 3, 2013 at 1:09 pm #

      Usually the “dumper” heals faster, because in most cases they start to separate themselves already during the relationship… often without us (the “dumpees”) noticing. So when the actual break-up happens they already have a healing head-start.

      • Aliaa August 12, 2013 at 2:14 pm #

        Hey Eddie.

        Will my ex boyfriend who dumped me ever feel guilty for dumping me? One day he suddenly calls me up as he found out through my friend that I was really going through a bad time due to my results , so he knew how upset I would be about it .After ignoring me and blocking me after the breakup whenever I tried to contact him, he called me up one day. It was such a shocker and I was so surprised that I started crying over the phone and couldn’t speak a word, as he was really sweet and sorry for my results and because of ignoring me, he sounded really guilty and caring but he reminded me again that he just cares about me and doesn’t love me anymore and the only reason he is avoiding is because he wants me to move on and he doesn’t want to spoil my life anymore. He says I deserve better and calls himself a jackass for not loving me back anymore and hurting me so much. I’m on NC now. I don’t want him anymore. But there’s this tiny wish in my heart that wants him to regret leaving me and I want him to comeback crawling to me telling me that he wants me back. Why do I feel so?

  12. Amitaf August 22, 2013 at 6:33 pm #

    Hi Eddie,

    I’m into day 32 of NC. I have a question, are you making progress if you are always thinking that your ex will regret his decision of leaving you? However, I’m 100 percent sure that I don’t want him anymore, I just want him to feel the pain that I have experienced because of him. I know in myself that it’s over and he does not love me anymore, but sometimes my thoughts are playing a scene in which he comes crawling back to me, begging for forgiveness, but I will never take him back. Please reply? Thank you so much! I’m a fan of yours and I wish you the best in life. 🙂

    • Eddie Corbano August 22, 2013 at 8:38 pm #

      Thoughts like this are very normal and will accompany you for some time. It doesn’t mean that you are not making progress, it just means that you are processing things.

      You’ve been hurt and part of you wants revenge, you want them to suffer like you are suffering, that’s ok, it’s part of the healing process.

      Check out my article series about anger & breakups, there are healthy ways to express your anger.

      Hang in there!

      Your friend,

      • Amitaf August 23, 2013 at 7:11 am #

        Thank you so much for the reply Eddie. God bless you! 🙂

  13. Renee Zillweggar November 20, 2013 at 2:26 pm #

    thanks for this article Eddie!

    as i encounter people who have suffer from a broken heart, i really can’t generalize because it depends on the person itself.

    usually men on their first break up, they can easily moved on because there are lot of things going through their mind and sometimes they keep themselves busy

    while, with women they keep on remembering the memories they had with there ex’s so they suffer more preferably on women who had their first bf/husband.

    I’m sorry Renee for editing your website out, we have a strict non-exback-sites police here! Eddie

  14. Nikki December 4, 2014 at 3:44 am #

    In my personal recent experiences, it depends who broke up with who. One of my bestfriends has had to dump three guys and each of them took it roughly in their own ways. Yet I should point out she took each one in a different way too. The first she felt pressured into the relationship because of friends. Then the second he was too … unlike her as she learned in the relationship. They wanted different things and were just better as friends. And the third had many emotional and mental problems like being severely depressed and suicidal as well as being bullied and self harm and family issues. She felt emotionally drained and, she just changed during the relationship. This one hurt her because she didn’t want to put him through that. For me and my other friend, we both got dumped recently. Hers was a butt who was dating her while looking for someone else and while he did love her at first just stuck with her in the end cause better someone than no one. HE hasn’t seemed remoresful and she’s shattered. Mine was rough because it was a nine and a half month relationship and he got depressed to the point … everyday things are hard for them and I wanted to be there to support him but … he says he doesn’t love me anymore but he acts like he still does and … we truly were amazing together, and kinda still act like we are dating (there’s a bunch of people who see us interacting and still think we are) so yeah. He is kinda emotionaly compromised and hasn’t had as much of a reaction as I have by far. So I agree with the many above me that it’s circumstantial.

  15. lucy February 8, 2015 at 1:57 am #

    Yes, to suffer is to suffer. In a break up one loves the other more, or they wouldn’t have broken up. When you start falling out of love or really never loved that person, you tend to just be indifferent.Nothing about them is exciting to you, or wanting to make them happy. So dates get broken, birthdays forgotten,texts never returned. When you are all la la head over high heels in love and you get kick to the curb, well that love turns to blind rage. You want to hurt them as much if not more for breaking your foolish heart. They are all you think about, going over every hurt they caused you over and over in your head. You feel like a fool. When the shoe is on the other foot, after the break up you feel like you dodge a bullet on the way out of a burning of jail. it best just to act like you wanted the break up more. and be indifferent. Don’t be a fool over a player male or female. By the time they break up with you, it has all ready been over for them in their head. If they break up by a text……don’t reply, a phone call, acted relived and wish them well. In person hug them and say thank god you feel the same way. now we can move on …indifference….can be the most cruel.

  16. Jeffrey Couch February 21, 2015 at 9:14 pm #

    I have hurt my dearest Krystal to the point she has now started to push away from me. I am not sure why I hurt the one love of my life the most. Thing is I love her more than I have ever loved before, yet my actions have taken their toll. I want her to read this so she will know how much I love her and how bad I want her in my life. I want us to be joined by God and live the Godly life he as in store for us. All I can do now is pray to get back the love of my life, my dear Krystal.

  17. hibs August 17, 2015 at 12:24 am #

    I have just liked your words in the article , I think your critical analysis are so true for me. Guys and women can suffer equally from a heartbreak , it is not just the gender that plays the role but also ur situation , is it you who decided to break up or move on or your loved ones ?
    I have passed severely through this from few months , a partner who fulfilled my feelings with promises and amazing words , he made me feel like a queen but after an argument he created he broke up and became ignorant…I tried several times with him but he pulled away , I stopped contacting him for weeks but never came back , from that time on I believed he was no more interested or didnt love me at all. It was bitter like hell for me and I had some healthy issues because of this but believe it or not , that helped more to move on the fact that I discovered he is not worth it made me stronger and more consent about relashionships…I am sure he is now trying to look for someone ideal like me but he lost ot forever and I am glad about it 🙂

  18. Mona Lisa September 21, 2015 at 12:20 am #

    Hands down…. a woman’s heart suffers more.
    Women are detailed minded, caretakers,nurturers, sensitive by nature,forgiving and put way more effort into a relationship than men. They are considerate and mindful to others,
    and most definitely are more committed in a relationship as whole. Love is expressed in everything we do in a relationship because we a care takers.
    Some men may suffer the same as women.. but bet he has more female hormones than average men. I’m 50 btw.

  19. Nadia September 25, 2015 at 12:45 am #

    Hi Eddy,

    Thank you for your article, I would say that you can make a point out of a study A, while a study B will sustain the exact opposite.
    Who is suffering? I think both, men and women, how are they expressing they suffer? it depends on the life they live, their history.
    The question is how and when do we choose to translate our emotions in a way that we don’t hurt anyone, and instead we use our pain to pull what is the best out of ourselves.

    I’ve been through a chaotic 3 years history with a man I did trust, I forgave lots of things, while I think, I was seeing our live though pink glasses, I have been betrayed.

    One day,I listened to the deep down voice inside me and …I left, we have a beautiful girl together, and unfortunately, to get his revenge, he requested full custody, and he used every little intimate detail we lived and shared together to succeed.

    A month later, he was with another partner he claimed he loved more than anything. I was glad for him though, he had his family around, he had someone else to share with, and he was happy again, he had his friends, … While I had no one, to share my suffering and pain with. I lived with him isolated as I don’t have any family, or friends.

    Now, after almost 2 years, I realize how strong I became, I realize how brave I was to leave the life I wasn’t in phase with, because I won my battle, not against him ( although he thinks I’m still on him … go figure) .. no no, I realize how far I waked in the path of my recognition, I know, now, who I am, and why I did what I did, I made peace with myself.

    am I happy/ happier ? I don’t know exactly what does that reflect, what I know is that I love to be with myself, I love to be with people I respect and learn from, and the day I’ll meet someone, then… ok, I’ll figure it out later, now is … like… NOW.

    Do I regret the life I lived and what I’ve been through (I spear the details :-)), the answer is NO WAY, other wise I wouldn’t have been able to be the person I am at the present moment.
    And I will always give respect of the relationship I lived with him. While now I am FREE.

    Thank you again,


  20. Abby November 11, 2015 at 12:08 am #

    What yanks my crank about “Houdini” breakups is that it’s so middle-schoolish!

    I seek character trais such as being an effective communicator and even temperament in men (fuggetabout “hobbies” on dating portal profiles–they mean zilch)!

    IMO, dumping someone abruptly (for no justifiable reason) via text is a cowardly way to go about it.

    What in the world makes them believe that I’d even want them back at all???

    On day 3 of NC.

    If he fails to apologize within the next two days, it’s lights out.

    I’m sixty, BTW–been through this nonsense many times.

    Absence does *not* make my heart grow fonder–to the contrary:

    Absence turns my heart to stone!

  21. Zarin December 28, 2015 at 2:11 pm #

    Hi eddy
    I was dumped on 23rd nov 2015.
    This guy was my life.
    I knew we getting married very soon.
    We have been together for 3.5years.
    He went to the states in May this year came back in October and in November asked me to move on and get married becoz he is going back to the States and he is not coming back soon and it might take him 5years and dat by da time he comes back i would be old and he doesnt want to waste my time….bla…bla…

    But the problem is he still calls me n shows up at my place he insists we be friends n we keep on communicating n wat made me so mad is he told me he is sure dat even if i get married n have kids he is going to sleep with me?????.

    Am so disturbed i dont call him or text him at all but he keeps on calling??????
    I need advice please .
    Ive never been dumped before n ive never dumped someone as well this is so new to me …i dont know how to handle all this.

  22. Heather June 6, 2016 at 4:51 pm #

    Really? I’m a woman and I think WE suffer more, particularly if we have no social support, either. I have no friends, and I can’t turn to family, because they wouldn’t understand anyway. I also refuse to pay someone to listen and I won’t go to social networks and tell a bunch of strangers. I’ve been alone in my emotions since September 2015, when he dumped me rudely and married someone he’d been seeing for a few months prior to dumping me! He’s moved on, I haven’t.

  23. John August 15, 2016 at 8:42 pm #


    I cannot speak for everyone, but I have been in two long term relationships both lasting over 5 years, the first was mutual ending and the second was her decision.
    I can honestly say men do suffer terribly when they truly love someone. I loved my ex girlfriend more than anything, I still do 6 months later, I hurt pretty much most days. I think of her constantly. I go out with my friends and go the gym every day to take my mind off it but the truth is its only short term. She was the most caring person in the world and only two days before called me her soulmate and said she knows she wanted to be with me forever. That’s what hurts the most the complete change in feelings and words so quickly.
    It really hurts thinking someone loves you but really they didn’t. She is cold and angry when I tried to talk before I went no contact and she is seemingly getting along fine now like I never existed. I can honestly say men do hurt really really badly to all the women thinking we don’t. I think it comes down to the dumper and the dumpee, if its the dumper (male or female) they are able to get on with their lives much easier as they have been preparing to end things way before you even knew and they have already gone through the emotional heartbreak when you wernt there. Its really really sad and after my experiences I feel so jaded now that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to truly give my heart to another girl ever again because of the fear of getting hurt. When someone you trust and love tells you they love you one day then 2 days later they end things then you can truly never trust anyone.

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