Who Suffers More From A Broken Heart – Men Or Women?

Photo by: Martin Gommel

When it comes to suffering from a broken heart, we all have to go through the ups and downs of an emotional rollercoaster equally, both men and women.

But is it possible that there are gender differences in the intensity of going through the painful stages of a break-up?

Does one of them suffer more than the other in general?

According to a study that was published in an issue of the Journal of Health and Social Behavior, this is very well the case.

The study of more than 1,000 men and women of 18 to 23 years of age shows that a broken heart hurts men more than women.

An article at LA-Times summarizes that in even more detail. The researchers found that breakups cause men more emotional grief and that they feel their identity and self-worth threatened more.

I find that very contrary to popular belief that puts women, in general, into a more sensitive and vulnerable place.

My personal experiences in coaching hundreds of men and women since 2005 don’t substantiate any of these findings at all.

In my experience, men and women both suffer equally.

However, they both express their grief in different ways, have different belief systems when it comes to their recovery, and they both attach different weight to the various stressors in a break-up.

For example, men suffer more from the thought that their Ex could be with another man than they do from the notion the Ex could have moved on completely.

With women, it’s exactly the other way around. But the actual emotional pain is the same.

Whether or not you suffer a lot after a breakup, experience a loss of identity or have it more or less under control solely depends on your belief system, your ability to adapt to new situations and the level of your emotional independence.

MORE: The Magic Formula For Overcoming A Break-Up Fast

The common belief is also that women have a much bigger support system they can turn to and have no problems communicating their innermost thoughts.

Whereas men don’t discuss such matters among themselves, as they don’t want to appear weak and “uncool.” Thus, a man cannot go anywhere for emotional support.

While this may or may not be true, it certainly inspires rather upsetting comments like one that followed the LA-Times article:

“Wow, they had to do a study to figure this out? For any woman who has had to listen to a man go on and on about his ex, this is old news. Women are much better adjusted and have friends to help us through. Just get over it dude!”

Having that comment in mind, and being interested in what everybody out there thinks about this problem, I’ve asked my Twitter followers the following question:

“I’d like to know what you think: Who suffers more after a breakup? Men or women?”

Here are the best two opinions:

So the answer to the question who suffers more from a broken heart may strongly depend on whom you ask, and an answer can only come from their own personal experience – because who can assess the emotional pain of others?

But I think rather than asking who suffers more, the much better and more valuable question would be – who has the better basic prerequisite provided by society to get over a break-up faster, men or women?

We leave that for another time …

You can read the article about the conducted study here.

I’d love to know what YOU think. Please share in the comment section below.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

  • I really will honestly say that men really do since many of us men are the Weaker Sex since we’re definitely much more sensitive which i will really admit that since i been there and done that unfortunately. Most women don’t even think nothing about it since it is usually much Easier for them to move on. But the very sad thing is that it is also fact that many women nowadays are the Biggest Cheaters of them all which has certainly caused many marriages to be Destroyed as well.

  • Hi,

    I cannot speak for everyone, but I have been in two long term relationships both lasting over 5 years, the first was mutual ending and the second was her decision.
    I can honestly say men do suffer terribly when they truly love someone. I loved my ex girlfriend more than anything, I still do 6 months later, I hurt pretty much most days. I think of her constantly. I go out with my friends and go the gym every day to take my mind off it but the truth is its only short term. She was the most caring person in the world and only two days before called me her soulmate and said she knows she wanted to be with me forever. That’s what hurts the most the complete change in feelings and words so quickly.
    It really hurts thinking someone loves you but really they didn’t. She is cold and angry when I tried to talk before I went no contact and she is seemingly getting along fine now like I never existed. I can honestly say men do hurt really really badly to all the women thinking we don’t. I think it comes down to the dumper and the dumpee, if its the dumper (male or female) they are able to get on with their lives much easier as they have been preparing to end things way before you even knew and they have already gone through the emotional heartbreak when you wernt there. Its really really sad and after my experiences I feel so jaded now that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to truly give my heart to another girl ever again because of the fear of getting hurt. When someone you trust and love tells you they love you one day then 2 days later they end things then you can truly never trust anyone.

  • Really? I’m a woman and I think WE suffer more, particularly if we have no social support, either. I have no friends, and I can’t turn to family, because they wouldn’t understand anyway. I also refuse to pay someone to listen and I won’t go to social networks and tell a bunch of strangers. I’ve been alone in my emotions since September 2015, when he dumped me rudely and married someone he’d been seeing for a few months prior to dumping me! He’s moved on, I haven’t.

    • What you said is not relevant because your case is a particular case: woman who hasn’t social support.
      But we can think the suffer may not depend on sex by on social support?

    • I understand, Heather. Except for God to talk to, I had absolutely no support system, either. I will never, ever love nor trust anyone in an absolute way ever again. He left in 2012 and I am STILL in so much pain…

  • Hi eddy
    I was dumped on 23rd nov 2015.
    This guy was my life.
    I knew we getting married very soon.
    We have been together for 3.5years.
    He went to the states in May this year came back in October and in November asked me to move on and get married becoz he is going back to the States and he is not coming back soon and it might take him 5years and dat by da time he comes back i would be old and he doesnt want to waste my time….bla…bla…

    But the problem is he still calls me n shows up at my place he insists we be friends n we keep on communicating n wat made me so mad is he told me he is sure dat even if i get married n have kids he is going to sleep with me?????.

    Am so disturbed i dont call him or text him at all but he keeps on calling??????
    I need advice please .
    Ive never been dumped before n ive never dumped someone as well this is so new to me …i dont know how to handle all this.

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