When you start the arduous journey to break-up recovery there is one thing that most people have in common: the destructive feeling of being alone and helpless.
What helps us endure those challenges of life is the knowledge that there are others before you who went the same path and their acquired wisdom: a breakup success story.
Allowing the possibility that you WILL make it and come out of this experience renewed will give you strength and boost your confidence. It even may give you the initial push to finally start your recovery.
The only problem is that those who moved on usually don't look back, be it to avoid pain or just because they simply don't want to look back.
But – as you know – luckily there are exceptions. Those who understand that looking back is also part of the healing process, it's where we connect the dots together to make the last step into independence.
Our dear reader Ronin decided to come back and share his own experiences with his break-up.
This is his story.
Breakup Success Story from our reader Ronin
“Hey, guys!
I remember back when I was first dumped, one of the main things that discouraged me was the very low ratio of success stories versus tales of heartbreak, misery, and loneliness. The thing is, once someone heals from the traumatic experience of being heartbroken, they usually tend to carry on with their lives and do not go back to support those who are new to the experience. Of course, some people are an exception to this rule, but that's how it usually works in my experience.
So, I promised myself some months ago that I would come back when I feel better to encourage those who are just starting their bittersweet experience of healing.
Very quickly about myself – I was with a girl for three years, planned to marry her, but was forced to leave the country temporarily for work. Long story short, after less than three months of me being away (I would fly to see her every month) she told me she wasn't in love with me anymore, broke up with me and told me there was someone else.
A month after breaking up with me she was already with the new guy, with me having to purchase a magnifying glass to look for the pieces of my shattered heart. Now, I'm an athletic / macho type of guy and have always been considered as very self-controlled and tough, but this break up really got to me.
I was a wreck.
I lost my job because of it, couldn't concentrate for weeks and cried in the proud loneliness of my sad apartment.
The break up was over 4 months ago. I maintained contact and it was WRONG. VERY WRONG.
All I could do is facebook-stalk her, her friends, etc, waiting for the moment she posts photos of her with her new boyfriend. And soon enough she did! Oh the joy of looking at the person you wanted to be with for the rest of your life (the person who swore her undying love for you) kissing with someone she left you for, with so much joy in their eyes… How wonderfully cruel life can be!
So I cut off contact.
This is the best advice I can give to ANYONE in that situation – do it!
I kept contact thinking she might come to her senses and want to get back with me (although I had promised myself I would never take her back – the paradox of human nature, right?). But it just ended up hurting me more.
Once I deleted her everything became so much MORE EASY to handle. It really does give you back the control and it is a wonderful feeling. Go for it – cut contact.
The thing is, unless your ex-partner is a complete tool, you can always re-establish contact with them years later if you so wish. And if they won't accept you back as a friend, then you are really so much better off without a small person like that.
So yeah, now I am single and yes, I do still think of her sometimes, etc., but it doesn't hurt me anymore. Before, every single memory of her would cause me an unbearable amount of pain. Not any more.
So PLEASE, cut contact, follow what the articles on this website say, and know that it will get better and better. The pain will go away – for some more slowly than for others, but it will fade into the past.
Make positive efforts to let go of the past, forgive everyone and try to develop a positive outlook at life. If you can't do it right away, fake it until you make it! 🙂
If this post cheers up at least one person out there, I will be very happy! Like I said, I felt the need of seeing more stories like this when I was crying out salty tears…
Ronin”
The key to Ronin's recovery was to finally start following the no-contact rule. The no-contact rule is THE precondition to fast recovery, as I have written so many times.
This is by far the fastest, least painful and most efficient way.
I hope that Ronin's story will help you to conquer all the obstacles the no-contact rule imposes on you and that you too will reach the end of the road called recovery as soon as possible.
But don't forget to come back and share your experiences when you're there.
Your friend,
Eddie Corbano
3/30/20
I have been in multiple different relationships: different people, different perspectives, different actions, different characters.
I have shed endless meaningless tears because of heartbreaks, verbal abused, blaming myself for everything, my worth and for being ” me”
I move on to different people, knowing I was still hurt, knowing that I was still healing, still finding myself. I craved for a ” love” that always end up breaking my heart. A love that keeps telling me to be patient, to know that time will manage the time for me to know what real “love” is. I cry myself to sleep , questioning will I ever be enough for someone, questioning will someone ever love me for who I am.
They loved me through their words, through their sentences. Their actions did not match their words, their sentences. I now crave for a love so strong that God will fight for my relationship between Satan. I keep seeking for my love, I keep knocking through open hearts to find love, however that “love” keep breaking me. That love keeps breaking me. When something breaks it’s hard to be repaired or be replaces. My heart keeps breaking.
16 year old girl , still a virgin.
I was with my bf for 6yrs (on and of)… Recently we started talking about marriage. We had so many ups and downs, but I always stayed by his side. 3wks ago I found out he was talking to another female (not the first time- the cause for our on and off). So when we discussed it, he just told me he wants to be single and he’s confused. He never gave me closure. How do we go from talking about marriage to not talking at all. Recently I found out he’s still talking to the woman he told me it was just a friend. I am so broken. I can’t eat,all I want to do is sleep. I can’t focus at work, I feel so lonely. I don’t know why he would do this to me. I pray I get over this hurt soon. It’s the holidays and I’m so alone..
My ex was awsome and i knew her since i was 13 growing up together and we lost touch after a while, i came back home after a long deployment in the military one day and met her outside a night club and we got back into contact, soon we were in a relationship, i loved her a lot and was skeptical at first because i had my heart broken before as most have.
After 6 months of pure perfection she told me she was depressed so i was really supportive, i looked up everything i could about depression on the internet so i could help, but nothing did, as the weeks went on she became more and more distant to a point where i had’nt seen her in 3 months and sex was about 6 months because she “just wanted to be left alone to get better” normally i would of fucked her off but as i knew her when i was growing up i wanted to support her i also suspected cheating but as i had no evidence i thought it better to not just blindly acuse her; on christmas eve my aunt died of a heart attack and it was a shock, i sent her a message saying i hoped that she was ok and that im always here for her, couple of days later i get a text from her saying she wasnt in a fit state to be in a relationship and she felt terrible and she wants to be left alone and she just wanted me to respect her wishes; it was my birthday she blocked me on facebook and that was the end of that 😮
2 weeks later she was in a relationship
i have given her 0 contact since she sent me that text message, absolutly nothing, i wont give her the satisfaction of a reaction
I have deleted every trace i have of her and now i am going to go out for a drink and fuck something ugly and easy until my dick falls off
I want to give my two cents here. I was was broken up by a woman that I envisioned myself spending the rest of my life with. We were together almost three years. I loved her and cared for her very, very deeply. I put my emotional needs aside for hers constantly. Treated her like she was gold. I want to say right now to any of you out there struggling, please never sell yourself short. You may be in love. You may have your heart and mind in the right place but if she doesn’t then it’s over. I was led on, future faked, betrayed, told I was loved but always kept at arms length. It destroyed me. I am almost 8 months out now and still feel the residuals. I loved this woman. I have made mistakes over the past 8 months in contacting this woman and I advise anyone out there to go completely no contact as soon as you are being cast aside. I’ve faced a great deal of emotional trauma and pain by chasing someone that I dearly loved. Please take my advice and cut all contact. It’s going to be extremely hard. You must do this.
Hey man, im a 17 year old boy who just been broken up with a few days ago. Im not coping, spamming her, calling every minute. She just out of the blue said “Im done” and i just cant handle it aye. I wont eat, cry every minute of the day, trying to get in contact with her and staring at photos of us. Ive been looking everywhere for help. Do you have any advice?
Mine is kind of similar too to many stories i have been reading here.
I ended the relationship because of her lack of care and compassion. She was selfish i know but i never knew it will come to affect us i have been enduring it thinking she will change..we keep breaking up and making up for like three times. I miss her so much, she said she will change but i dont know what to do ??
same is the case with me..my reason for breakup is nt loyalty bt sincerety and carefulness..she said she will do..later denied and then said she doesn’t feel like doing it anymore..is there a way i can overcome her thgts
I may never know how you feel…but i would definitely know how she feels….My boyfriend had felt similiar to what u felt expect in our situation i came from a strict home which did not allow me to see him as often as he wanted to….after 2 and a half years he finally ended things a week ago….
When we woman say we going to change for you men know that we mean it and we doing it because we love your’ll…..Change does not happen in a week it takes time and over time you need to remind us why we changing and what needs to be changed….show us how to love your’ll and guide us along the way….when we doing something wrong tell us…..dont end things and never come back….There are relationships put there that are far worst….ppl are cheating on each other and in this day and age its hard to find a good woman or a good man….so dude go back to her
I’m 17 and my names Teddy too. I’m dumped after I found out that the girl who I loved for 5 years cheated on me with 2 males at the same time behind my back. She never apologised but instead told me she doesn’t love me. It’s been 2 months and I’m heart broken. Sea selfish an is loyal an fake. If there’s is anyone who can help me please do. I have cut all contact with her and it’s so far helping me but I keep missing her and I hate it):