Today’s Breakup Success Story is from Ex-DETOX student Catherine. Her situation was really tough, but what I found particularly inspirational about her story is WHAT exactly pushed her over the edge to do something about it. Most of us are far too long is this grey passive zone, doing nothing that would further our recovery. Fear, false hope, and so much pain get in our way.
Ask yourself: what needs to happen in your life that YOU push all the obstacles aside and finally start your recovery?
Food for thought.
Now over to Catherine.
I was at rock-bottom.
My fiance of 8.5 years, two kids, left me for his four-week affair.
It happened on Mothers Day(!!!) as I sat at the Dinner table with the two kids looking at the window with questions of “Where's daddy? He promised to be here.”
I didn't think I could do No Contact with the kids and financial settlement in process. I completely understood the concept of it, but I thought it was unrealistic given the need to maintain a relationship for the sake of the children (broken heart aside).
The week before I started this course the school found my daughter crying in the playground. When I spoke to her about this, she said, “mummy, you said it was OK to cry, so I thought if I cried out all of my tears you would be happy again.”
That moment, so profound, forced me to take action!
They want me to be happy, everyone wants me to be happy, I want to be happy. What am I doing? Pining, being miserable, chasing him, thinking he held the key to my happiness?
Then I Joined The Ex-Detox Course
“I’ve found that we are all our own worst enemy.”
I found the information around “Reduced Contact” hugely helpful. It's simple, but when you are down and out your brain doesn't work in “simple.” It works in complicated and difficult and trying to “understand” things that can't be understood.
I particularly loved the concept of doing a one-page worksheet before each meet (which is weekly).
It was so easy. Do not say these things. I even do them before phone calls required around the settlement and the children. It stops me making the nasty judgemental comments about him and his new path (and the new girlfriend!) and the lovesick stuff that I was sprouting (ugh).
Feeding the unattainable notion of “hope” that was never there, well not anywhere but in my mind.
Three other benefits about the Ex-DETOX Course:
- Seeing others out there with the same, similar issues, the sense you are not alone.
- The distraction. Every time I am about to text/call/email I go and read an article first. Usually, by then I've changed my mind.
- The idea of a “future,” though while it feels out of reach to me currently, the knowledge that there will be a chance that one day I will have a better future, gives strength.
I recommend the course, but you need to be ready.
I've found that we are all our own worst enemy in these situations.
Yes, I've broken “Reduced Contact” Rules and guess what, it only hurt me! Yep, didn't hurt him, just me.
What's the point in that? It takes a massive shift in thinking of going from being broken to wanting to fix it.
Thanks, Eddie. It is such a long process, but I feel I am on the right path. I hugely appreciate your help. I'd hug you if you were in Australia!
Thank you, Catherine, for your kind words and this truly inspirational success story.
Over to you: are you an Ex-DETOX student and have a similar success story to share? Or are you are a reader and used our free material to get over your Ex and reach emotional independence? Please write us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.