Rachel – A Case Study:
Rachel had a rough childhood — not so much in terms of abuse, but more of watching her parents live a hopelessly dysfunctional marriage.
Not a day went by without arguing, yelling. and aimless drama. Little Rachel and her sister watched it all; her parents didn’t even try to protect their kids from this.
But the worst thing for Rachel was that her father would pack his suitcase almost every month after a big fight and disappear for a week.
Rachel grew up witnessing a marriage that would be her own eventually: constant struggle, one pushing away the other, and ubiquitous fighting.
And above all, there was the subconscious fear that the man she thought she loved would pack his suitcase and disappear — the fear of abandonment.
Why We Keep Repeating the Same Relationship
Why there are some people who seem to have it easy after a breakup? How do they get over an Ex so fast?
And why do others have it so infinitely difficult that they often suffer for many years after the breakup or divorce?
The answer lies in the nature of the pain.
The emotional distress you feel isn’t necessarily caused only by the fact that your Ex left you; your Ex is merely the face of your pain.
Very often, there’s another underlying cause, which I call a “hidden pain-point,” that is mainly responsible for how you feel.
“Hidden pain-points” are negative or toxic belief systems that you might have been carrying around your whole life. And this is not always trauma or abuse that people might have gone through during their childhood.
This could simply be early memories, negative belief systems picked up from parents or just things that happened in early adult life that shaped your vision about love and relationships.
Here are a few examples:
Don was accidentally trapped in a bus as a five-year-old while his mother stood outside and watched him drive away.
Anne was always teased in school because she was different from everybody else. She started to hate the very thing that made her special because of this.
Eddie had an overly authoritative father who killed every autonomous tendency in himself (that’s me).
And you already read about Rachel.
And here’s what this all means, the important thing:
These unresolved “hidden pain-points” are the reason why most of us have the very same toxic relationship their whole lives — going from one breakup to another:
And THIS “hidden pain-point” is the reason why it hurts so much and why you can’t seem to get over them.
Will time heal this?
No, it won’t.
Your wounds will still be there, and they WILL sabotage all your future relationships.
So now that we know these “hidden pain-points” are the underlying reasons for your pain, the root cause, what do you think happens when we resolve them?
Because as discussed, these can make your life really difficult.
But as if this all wasn’t enough, unfortunately, there’s more.
There is something else that overshadows even “hidden pain-points.” It’s the mistakes most people make, which can easily lead to a life of loneliness.
I’ll show you how to overcome these on the next page.