It's instilled by nature to protect us from harm; it ensures our survival.
Very useful in the stone-age, today it's just a creator of phobias and personal disorders, and it prevents us from doing the things we want to do – things we are destined to do.
It tricks us by triggering all the emotional reactions that come with a real threat: anxiety, adrenalin rush, increased heart rate, etc.
Everything we need to initiate a “Fight or Flight” response.
It feels so real, when in fact it's a deception. There is no threat, no imminent danger.
The fear and anxiety we experience when our relationship has ended is not a real one. There is no threat to our lives … even if it feels that way.
It's rather the fear of the unknown that terrifies us.
Where will the path we are forced to take lead us? Will we survive alone? Who are we without our partners?
The impossibility of imagining a favorable future is terrifying.
But how do you fight something that is not there? How do you overcome your fears?
Actually, there are lots of ways available, from numbing medication to cognitive behavior therapy, to positive affirmations.
All of which try to separate the non-existent causes from the pseudo-physical reactions to it.
What I find most effective when dealing with irrational fears after a break-up, is implanting pictures of a successful and happy future in our subconscious, to counteract the false beliefs we are investing in every day.
It's much like creating a bucket list – a list of things we want to do before we die.
This is a perfect way to reset your priorities – what is really important to you?
Please watch the following inspirational video from Candy Chang, who lost a loved one and found a wonderful way to make people stop and think about what they really want.
“In our age of increasing distractions, it's more important than ever to find ways to maintain perspective and remember that life is brief and tender.” – Candy Chang
The team of “Lean In,” (an organization encouraging women to pursue their ambitions), created a website that specifically addresses women, asking them, “What would you do if you weren't afraid?”.
When you scroll through the many submissions of women stating their fears, it becomes evident how much damage fear really is doing in our lives.
It denies us the life we deserve.
That is why I think it's essential to think about what fear is withholding from us – especially after a relationship split.
Fear denies us the life we deserve
The next step is obviously destroying the fears and obstacles, and doing what you want to do, achieving the goals that define you.
So I am asking you today: What would you do if you were fearless?
What could you do NOW, after your break-up, that would bring you to the fore, if fear wouldn't hold you back?
Please list at least three things below in the comment section, (anonymously if you want).
But there's a catch.
I don't want you just to write them down; I want you to COMMIT to doing those things.
So if YOUR three things were:
- find a more fulfilled job
- go backpacking through New Zealand
- get a tattoo
take the first steps to commitment today:
- go to a job center
- pick a date, inquire prices
- make an appointment in a tattoo shop
The key is to feel the fear, acknowledge that it's there, realize that it serves no purpose and DO IT ANYWAY.
Take the first step in blind faith that you are doing the right thing.
Doing what you fear most and succeeding in it is one of the most rewarding moments in life. Everybody should experience that regularly.
These are the very things that define us, polish us and make us stronger.
On the way to the ultimate post-breakup goal – fulfillment, purpose and emotional independence.
P.S.: Seriously, do it now: write down YOUR 3 things below.