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10 Big Red Flags Your Relationship Is Going Downhill

10 Big Red Flags

When she dumped Kevin, it was like a kick in the head for him. He needed days to come around and realize what happened. Even then it was an absolute mystery to him what caused the break up. It will take months for him to finally get a clue to the reasons.

Had he seen it coming? Well, he said no. But when I dug a little deeper, it became apparent that he actually had noticed unusual things in his relationship. He just dismissed them as meaningless. He never would have guessed that they could lead to a break up.

Apparently they were anything but meaningless.

If he would have given them some attention, he may have been able to do something to prevent the forthcoming events. He could have talked to his girlfriend, uncovered the problem and tried to do something to fix it before it was too late. If there is no communication, nothing will ever change.

The reasons why two people in a relationship drift apart are numerous. But I believe that if you spot the early signs, there is a very good possibility to get back on track again.

Why didn’t Kevin see it coming? Why didn’t he react upon the “unusual” things he noticed?

I believe that he knew what was about to happen, but it is very typical in such situations to simply refuse to believe that something is wrong. We would never believe that our partner, who was on our side for so long, would actually leave us. This appears so unreal.

Denial seems to be a good way of handling the problem. Of course, this is only self-deception.

Unfortunately, many simply do not know the early signs, the red flags, that something is going very wrong in their relationship.

Why should you pay attention to the red flags?

After a relationship break up, all we think about is “if I’d only knew earlier, I could have done something”. But what would you have done?

When recovering from a break up or divorce you have to go through the four phases. What we often do not realize, is that the one who actually breaks up has to go through these phases as well, only they are doing it while you are still together. S/He has to do so, otherwise leaving would not be possible.

So, if you spot the signs in the early phases, you might still be able to prevent the fatal outcome.

How can you avert a potential break up or divorce?

Certainly by talking to the partner, uncovering the origin of the discontent and trying to eliminate the problems. Reminding your partner of the love you had for each other by revitalizing special moments you had together is also very important.

If everything fails, you have at least had the opportunity then to prepare yourself, and you are not being hit out of the blue.

Let’s take a look at the signs.

Here they are, the 10 big red flags that your relationship is going downhill:

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15 Responses to 10 Big Red Flags Your Relationship Is Going Downhill

  1. Khalil December 4, 2007 at 11:44 pm #

    Another home run, Eddie! I love it! For me I got the basic bottom line is something we should be doing no matter what stage our relationship is in…Be Aware! As long as we are always paying attention to our significant other, we will always be in a situation where we can either keep injury from happening, stop the bleeding, or, pardon the analogy, cut and run. Great work again, Eddie!

    He Said She Said…A Love & Relationships Blog

  2. Toneah December 8, 2007 at 12:21 pm #

    I wish I had read this 10 years ago. I’m still recovering from that breakup.

  3. Jaime February 25, 2008 at 12:16 am #

    The 10 steps really helped me out on what my man is doing. Now I see that he might be trying to end it with me. And here I feel it is all my fault but, it is not. He is just wishy washy and needs to grow up a lot more before he really decides what he wants in a relationship and I really guess it is not me.

    • Sue July 31, 2016 at 7:07 pm #

      I feel the same way about my marriage at this point….he doesn’t seem to interested in what I say or do, I blown off every time..just sucks gd luck to you!

  4. bella April 27, 2008 at 10:08 pm #

    If someone can please give me some advice on how to break up with my boyfriend. We have only been together for 4 months but it feels like forever… hes a really nice guy and he gets me whatever I want but im starting to feel he is just buying my affection. I dont find myself attracted to him at all and since we got together he doesnt have a life of his own. Im a 20 year old female with a two year old daughter, I told him when we got together I wanted to take it slow because I had been going through alot of stress and pain from my last boyfriend. Everything was good for the first week, now it just feels like he never wants to go home and he calls every hour when hes not at my house. I know it sounds pretty simple and i should just leave him, but its difficult for me to tell him this. How can I put it in a nicer way?

  5. grace July 6, 2008 at 5:34 am #

    I am breaking up in tow weeks and I plan to write a letter sometimes that is the best when you feel things may get violent or the other person is going to try to talk you out of it.

  6. tenescia November 29, 2008 at 7:04 pm #

    dont feel bad cause its happen to me too it seem i gave in to much love and he didnt give the same percentage back i broke up with him when i went through his phone and found that he was texting this chick telling her how sexy she was i mean he doesnt tell me that at all and i was like pissed off at that and on top of that i found a condom in his wallet this is not the first time that this has happened i left this time and im not turning back because he hurt me bad what should i do

    my heart is broken i been mith this guy for almost two yrs and i love him but he has been cheating on me i done forgave him i dont know how many times i left this time im just tired of it.

  7. Ray January 9, 2009 at 3:54 am #

    Wow, I am doing half of those right now to my wife. I am not having an affair, but I have been thinking of why I am married, for many years!! We married when were 20, 18 yrs ago. The main reason I have stayed around is because of the kids AND I hate failure!! Recently during business trips away from home, I’ve noticed more and more that I do not miss her. I just feel soo bad from a personal level to tell her after 18 yrs, I NEVER loved you?! What am I to do? It is eating me up inside, but I’m not sure where to go from here!! I MUST do something soon I can’t keep this inside much longer.

    • kh829 October 25, 2010 at 12:18 am #

      Did you ever think she may feel the same way? And it would be a blessing to cut ties. I am going through all the signs now and I wish he would just say it if that is what he is feeling so we can both just move on. He needs to either come back emotionally or let me go. It's cruel to not be there physically, emotionally, or mentally and when we ask if there is something we can do or if they don't want us any longer… the conversation is deverted to another topic.

  8. Luisa January 14, 2009 at 6:29 pm #

    I wish I could have paid more attention to #3 – (Avoidance about talking of the future). But no more regrets!
    Thanks for the list, it will definitely help the next time around.

  9. Eric February 17, 2009 at 12:21 am #

    @Ray – This is to Ray.
    I commend you for wanting to stay in this relationship and make it work. There is nothing worse for kids than divorce, and I can see that it would break your own heart as well.
    Did you know that our actions influence our attitudes far more than the other way around? When you smile, you start to feel happier. If you kick your dog, you will start to feel angry.
    Act out your love for your wife. Buy her flowers. Call her in the middle of the day just to say hello. I don’t believe that you “never” loved her. Remember the things you used to love about her, the things you used to do together, and try to recapture some of those emotions.
    Act it out until it becomes real.
    Also, there’s a great book to help you along the way– it’s called The Love Dare. Try reading it. This is all about putting someone else first. Love her until it becomes a lifestyle again.
    Best of luck!

  10. Renaepurdon July 20, 2010 at 3:43 pm #

    I find it interesting that i pretty much went threw every single phase. funny, that i was kevin and he was the girl.(he dumped me, after cheating on me, now they dating)
    we talk often and he is still with her, but still phones me, asking about my dating life. i have met a very nice guy after 4 months after the break up, and we are friends. he treats me like a princess and makes me feel amaizing. but i know im not emotionally ready for a relationship, also still getting over my x. i have been very honest with this person and he understands… its nice, honest and slow… its not the full story, but im happy to let anyone know, anything they want to know. keep smiling…it only gets better.

  11. DodgedABullet November 29, 2010 at 2:50 am #

    I know of an ex-boyfriend who is already doing this type of thing to his new wife. He is such a loser. I tried to tell her, but she is stuck in a situation where she had a kid with someone else, and now needs a father for her child. Too bad he is her only choice. He will control her until she gives up. It’s just sad she didn’t listen. He is emotionally unavailable. The funniest thing is, when he was lying that he wasn’t seeing anyone, he did it while having his back turned to me. I knew it was time to drop that zero after that. Too bad he insists on still calling me. No thank you. WHAT A FAKE ASS. If you know you don’t love someone, don’t bother marrying them. Too much manipulation in this world and not enough truth.

  12. Lory February 5, 2013 at 1:51 pm #

    I broke up with my bf whom I adore(can’t type that w/o tears coming on) & I said, in the heat of the moment, that i was going over my ex’s house. Of all these red flags, I saw none of them. I was basking in the pure & beautiful love I thought I had. & in an instant, he flipped a switch. I regret what I said, and it’s been a couple of days. I spoke with him once since, he was horribly mean & cold & I was sobbing hysterically. My last text was telling him I loved him. Then he changed his number. How could one incident change the course of my life? Is this even possible?? We have known each other for a couple yrs., began dating 6 months ago, together for 4. Is there any way back when he seems that determined? I’m devastated.


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