When she dumped Kevin, it was like a kick in the head for him. He needed days to come around and realize what happened. Even then it was an absolute mystery to him what caused the break up. It will take months for him to finally get a clue to the reasons.

Had he seen it coming? Well, he said no. But when I dug a little deeper, it became apparent that he actually had noticed unusual things in his relationship. He just dismissed them as meaningless. He never would have guessed that they could lead to a break up.

Apparently they were anything but meaningless.

If he would have given them some attention, he may have been able to do something to prevent the forthcoming events. He could have talked to his girlfriend, uncovered the problem and tried to do something to fix it before it was too late. If there is no communication, nothing will ever change.

The reasons why two people in a relationship drift apart are numerous. But I believe that if you spot the early signs, there is a very good possibility to get back on track again.

Why didn’t Kevin see it coming? Why didn’t he react upon the “unusual” things he noticed?

I believe that he knew what was about to happen, but it is very typical in such situations to simply refuse to believe that something is wrong. We would never believe that our partner, who was on our side for so long, would actually leave us. This appears so unreal.

Denial seems to be a good way of handling the problem. Of course, this is only self-deception.

Unfortunately, many simply do not know the early signs, the red flags, that something is going very wrong in their relationship.

Why should you pay attention to the red flags?

After a relationship break up, all we think about is “if I’d only knew earlier, I could have done something”. But what would you have done?

When recovering from a break up or divorce you have to go through the four phases. What we often do not realize, is that the one who actually breaks up has to go through these phases as well, only they are doing it while you are still together. S/He has to do so, otherwise leaving would not be possible.

So, if you spot the signs in the early phases, you might still be able to prevent the fatal outcome.

How can you avert a potential break up or divorce?

Certainly by talking to the partner, uncovering the origin of the discontent and trying to eliminate the problems. Reminding your partner of the love you had for each other by revitalizing special moments you had together is also very important.

If everything fails, you have at least had the opportunity then to prepare yourself, and you are not being hit out of the blue.

Let’s take a look at the signs.

Here they are, the 10 big red flags that your relationship is going downhill: