Everybody knows that it‘s a devastating experience to be left by someone you really love, be it a break up or divorce. We have all gone through this at least one time in our lives. But the fact that it is also very difficult to be the one who actually leaves, is something you could only know if you have experienced it.
So, the question arises – how to break up with someone?
Relationships come to an end, and the reasons why can be numerous.
They all have in common that one member of the relationship is dissatisfied and pulls back. Maybe he has tried for some time to adjust the relationship according to his wishes. If this fails, he usually quits emotionally long before the actual break up. That is often the reason why the “dumpee” has the impression that the “dumper” is cold hearted—he left mentally months ago.
How to decide if the relationship should be ended or not?
They say that breaking up is hard to do
Now I know, I know that it’s true
—NEIL SEDACA
Here are some guidelines you can take into account when considering ending a relationship:
- Does the relationship allow you to evolve according to your wishes?
- Does the relationship fulfill your needs?
- Is it possible to have goals together and achieve them?
- Does your partner accept you as you are?
- Can you resolve conflicts together?
- Are you feeling good in your relationship?
- Is the communication with your partner good?
If your answer to these questions is in the majority “no”, then it is probably time to move on.
So, you want to break up with your girlfriend/boyfriend and you don’t know how to do this? You’ve never done it before, or have done it wrong in the past, and you could use a helping hand?
The first thing you have to realize is that there is no painless way.
It simply doesn’t exist. No magical words which will take the pain away. It will hurt them, and it may also hurt you. There is nothing you can do about this. You can only avoid some common mistakes and make it a little easier for them.
As you continue reading, you are about to learn the steps on how to break up with someone the best way. If you have made your decision, just use the following steps as a guideline.
How to break up with someone in 7 steps:
1. Keep a few days distance
It is very advisable to maintain some distance from your partner before you actually break up. This has many advantages. On one side, you will gain some emotional distance, which is important to be able to go through the steps listed below.
On the other side, your partner will sense that something is about to happen and will hopefully emotionally prepare himself.
Just cut off contact for a week before. Do not give too much information, just say you’re busy.
2. Try to be sure about your decision
I know, that’s a tough one, especially when you love the person in question, or are very close to him/her.
Chances are that you were thinking about breaking up for a long time. You have come to the conclusion that you don’t fit together, have different expectations about life or were unable to resolve or get to the bottom of your conflicts. Maybe you have simply realized that you do not love your partner.
Either way, try to be sure that there is no chance of getting things right again. I wrote “try”, because I know that these things are not always easy to realize. You can be relatively positive of your decision, if you have tried several times to work on your relationship by talking about your problems with your partner.
To help you with making the decision, I suggest that you make a list of all the reasons why you want to break up, and write a possible solution beside it. Then go through your list and reflect whether or not you have done everything you could to solve the problems you’ve had.
By knowing the reasons for the upcoming break up, you will on one hand be prepared for questions your partner might ask, and on the other hand they will help you to cope with the break up yourself.
So, are you absolutely sure?
Next step.
This amazing report and newsletter will teach you how to break your Ex-Addiction and finally live the life you deserve.
This proves that there are true lovers like you too!
my boyfriend and i have been together for a few weeks and he is one of my best guy-friends and i want to break up with because my friends dont like him,he gets jealous when his friend talks to me,and he has gotten kinda annoying. how do i break up with him
I have been in this relationship for 10 years. I have never had tobreak up with anyone in my life, something always happen. They move out of town, we lose contact, or they break up with me. I have been trying to break up with this man for a year now. I don”t want to be in a relationship right now. We don’t have the same goals in life, hell he don’t have any. I’ve been with him since I was 23 years old, so we are comfortable together. We live together, he wants to get married and I don’t. He annoys the hell out of me. We sleep in seperate rooms. I have told him on several occasions I didnt want ot be in this relationship anymore. I use to think he wound change but that never happen. I thought he would grow up, but he is the same person I met 10 years ago. I don’t regret our relationship, because this relationship shows me what I want in a man and what I will not tolerate.
Please help, I’m running out of options!
I this case it is advisable to let some time pass with no contact… a few days.
Then write a short letter/email: make your intentions clear, state your reasons and offer a meeting to answer questions.
Eddie
I have been wanting to break up with my boyfriend for some time now. He just isn’t my type. He is clingy, I want my space, and I miss being single. I am dreading breaking up with him, especially because we have to sit in the same class every other day, and he is very sensitive.
I know in my heart, though, that while it is going to suck for a while, there is a girl out there that will appreciate his emotional attachment much more than I do. He will be happier with someone else, even if he doesn’t see it now.
I am so happy I found this article. I got sick to my stomach every time I thought of making the first move, but I’ve already done the first 2 steps, and I am building up the courage to continue. I wish the best of luck to everyone else out there going through a breakup. We aren’t alone, and we’ll get through it. Life moves on, and we must, too.
I’ve been wanting to break up with my boyfriend. He is to clingy and sometime he doesnt even pay attention to me at all. My friends don’t like him. He gets over tempered. My friends say if you dont tell him to chill out they wont be my friends anymore. I don’t know what to do.
you need to break up with him before anything bad happens an it will happen most likely if he has a bad temper.
Communication would work best.
Could anyone tell me what should i do in my situation. Me and my boyfriend are and have been in love with each other for a couple of years. But now things are totally gonna change. We never wanted to but have to get seperate, as our parents don’t want us to get married. There’s no way out but a seperation after evaluating all options. Both of us are emotionally devastated and trying to get out of the whole attachment. I really really want to help him get through this as I know he’s not that good at taking efforts to make things better. Please help what should we do? I am really worried about him as he doesn’t want to know how to come out of this emotional stress and start fresh.
hello i am married but in love with someone who is a friend of the family. hisrelatives and mine are all closeand hang out all the time. i need however to work on my marriage as it has deteriorated over the years but if i break up with this friend then everything will be chaotic in terms of our families. can someone help me break up yet keepall the friends together
i am confused i like him i can say that i love him but both of us have different personalities thats may be because of age difference(7years)..but somethings hurts me we are in a relation from last 7month but the spark is not there after 2month only he said we love eachother but that does n’t mean we should get married i reacted in the same way one should react..after 2month i leave that place and shifted..in those time he said sorry and it was good..before leaving my job and the earlier place he was the first person whom i told that i am going to leave very soon and he said its good for my future(i will get a better job).. sometimes he needs me and particularly for that time i feel i do have some existance in his life only..before going to bed he wants to talk with me but i was waitng from the morning and for me its impossible to talk at the night..then lots of fight arguement..another thing right now i dont want to get married but all of a sudden he started talking about getting married..i love to talk,text and ofcourse be in touch but no marriage..i just dont feel he is the right one and as if i am just pulling this relationship and now he tries to register this..what to do please suggest..
I’ve been with my boyfriend for nine years but we only started living together about a year and a half ago. When I first started going out with him, I didn’t think it would last long because I wasn’t that into him. Somehow we stayed together, long distance while we went to separate universities. He is a really loved person, we never argue, always get on well, I can’t fault him, but the spark was lacking. I thought moving in with him would improve the relationship but it only made it more obvious that things weren’t working because he didn’t show much interest in sex, and now it’s been months since we last had sex. I love him as a friend but I know we can’t stay together. He says he loves me and wants to make things work. It’s only when I met someone new that I realised that I have to put an end to this. I just don’t want to hurt him because I do care about him and he’s never done me wrong, and even though I’m scared of being lonely, I’m looking forward to being single!
Hi Eddie, I really love what you have to say about break-ups. I can definately relate.
I was just wondering if you can help me out with one question “how I can come to peace with my situation”?. I have a 3 year old daughter with my ex-partner and we both share our daughter 50/50 – life is not easy because we are constantly dropping her off at each of our places every 3 days – but our daughter has adjusted to this fine. We have now been seperated for 1 year and my ex-partner still gives me alot of slack for not giving him a chance for us to work our differences out. I had mentally prepared myself to seperate from him 10 months prior to seperating with him I tried relationship counselling, speaking to family friends and close family regarding our problems but I felt that my ex-partner ignored alot of what was happening to us – I believe he blamed me for all the mistakes we had made together. Our break up was mutual also. He hates my guts now and probably for the rest of my life because I went out with a friend of mine 2 weeks after seperating from my ex. He says that I didn’t give him a chance to figure things out and work on our differences. He fluffed around with me for the first week and said “don’t rely on us getting back together because I can’t guarantee that it would happen” I was distraught because I thought that there would be hope for us. The second week of our seperation – a lightbulb flicked on inside my head and I automatically went into survival mode and decided to move on and not wait around for my ex-partner to make a decision on what he wanted to do. I told him that I wanted to sort things out – but he kept ignoring how I was feeling about the situation and us – and he did not reply. I got impatient and hot headed and didn’t think before acting. Some part of me feels guilty for not letting time pass before sorting out what went wrong with us and to try and find a solution. I do feel bad now that I am happy and he is not. I feel hurt the most with having my daughter go through this horrible situation. My new partner has been so supportive throughout the last year and I feel so good about who I have become and how happy my baby is. But I still miss the memories of being a family with my ex-partner. And I feel sorry for him as he has not yet moved on. Can you please help me with advising how I can come to peace with this situation as I am still searching for answers. I was always a true believer in staying with my man through thick and thin when having a baby with my man. I look forward to your reply.
I would love to know how you would approach a breakup with someone you live with? Been together for almost two years, in this time he’s not been employed. I’m disabled. So, I’m supporting both of us and my minor child, not his. I want to be honest with him, but he always turns everything around and doesn’t take responsibility for his own actions. Our priorities aren’t on the same page, and I don’t think they ever will be. He is ten years younger, I’m in my early 40′s. I feel like I’m stuck. Any advice will be greatly appreciated!
I have been in a relationship for 5 years.We live together. I have a 10 year old who has known him half her life and is in love with him. I am at the point where it has to end… I am so done. I just don’t know how.
1. He has not had a stable job in 5 years.
2. He does not help with rent or bills at ALL for that matter. Every now and then he’ll give me $100 or $200 but it’s been almost a year since that has happened.
3. His cellphone broke and he asked if he could use my daughters cellphone until his is fixed (my mom pays for my daughters cellphone and she does not really in to it…yet)…but he hasn’t offered to pay the bill in the THREE months that he’s been using it.
4. I have been having to travel out of town for work (fly on Monday and fly back on Friday) for the last three months, he has had a car to use (with gas) for interviews, my daughters cellphone AND access to my macbook and still no JOB interveiws or even prospects.
5. He picks me up from the airport late IN MY CAR, in a dirty car, with low tire pressure, that has no gas and the “change engine oil” light is on
I love him. He is a sweet kind person and It’s not all bad.
He cooks for me (almost daily)…granted I buy the food.He does sometimes clean the house. He treats my daughter like his own… and she feels like he’s her “other” dad.
I’m so annoyed with him and his LACK of ambition. It’s like I have a 32 year old son…except we have sex…YUCk, right?
How do I approach this. I’m going back home this weekend and staying for a week… I plan on ending it then.