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How To Break Up With Somebody In 7 Steps

How To Break Up

Everybody knows that it‘s a devastating experience to be left by someone you really love, be it a break up or divorce. We have all gone through this at least one time in our lives. But the fact that it is also very difficult to be the one who actually leaves, is something you could only know if you have experienced it.

So, the question arises – how to break up with someone?

Relationships come to an end, and the reasons why can be numerous.

They all have in common that one member of the relationship is dissatisfied and pulls back. Maybe he has tried for some time to adjust the relationship according to his wishes. If this fails, he usually quits emotionally long before the actual break up. That is often the reason why the “dumpee” has the impression that the “dumper” is cold hearted—he left mentally months ago.

How to decide if the relationship should be ended or not?

They say that breaking up is hard to do
Now I know, I know that it’s true

Here are some guidelines you can take into account when considering ending a relationship:

  • Does the relationship allow you to evolve according to your wishes?
  • Does the relationship fulfill your needs?
  • Is it possible to have goals together and achieve them?
  • Does your partner accept you as you are?
  • Can you resolve conflicts together?
  • Are you feeling good in your relationship?
  • Is the communication with your partner good?

If your answer to these questions is in the majority “no”, then it is probably time to move on.

So, you want to break up with your girlfriend/boyfriend and you don’t know how to do this? You’ve never done it before, or have done it wrong in the past, and you could use a helping hand?

The first thing you have to realize is that there is no painless way.

It simply doesn’t exist. No magical words which will take the pain away. It will hurt them, and it may also hurt you. There is nothing you can do about this. You can only avoid some common mistakes and make it a little easier for them.

As you continue reading, you are about to learn the steps on how to break up with someone the best way. If you have made your decision, just use the following steps as a guideline.

How to break up with someone in 7 steps:

1. Keep a few days distance

It is very advisable to maintain some distance from your partner before you actually break up. This has many advantages. On one side, you will gain some emotional distance, which is important to be able to go through the steps listed below.

On the other side, your partner will sense that something is about to happen and will hopefully emotionally prepare himself.

Just cut off contact for a week before. Do not give too much information, just say you’re busy.

2. Try to be sure about your decision

I know, that’s a tough one, especially when you love the person in question, or are very close to him/her.

Chances are that you were thinking about breaking up for a long time. You have come to the conclusion that you don’t fit together, have different expectations about life or were unable to resolve or get to the bottom of your conflicts. Maybe you have simply realized that you do not love your partner.

Either way, try to be sure that there is no chance of getting things right again. I wrote “try”, because I know that these things are not always easy to realize. You can be relatively positive of your decision, if you have tried several times to work on your relationship by talking about your problems with your partner.

To help you with making the decision, I suggest that you make a list of all the reasons why you want to break up, and write a possible solution beside it. Then go through your list and reflect whether or not you have done everything you could to solve the problems you’ve had.

By knowing the reasons for the upcoming break up, you will on one hand be prepared for questions your partner might ask, and on the other hand they will help you to cope with the break up yourself.

So, are you absolutely sure?

Next step.

311 Responses to How To Break Up With Somebody In 7 Steps

  1. lonely January 15, 2012 at 2:32 pm #

    i too was in a same situation some day my friend..and 4 years have passed today..m still in a relationship with “my man” but just for a namesake..and thus none of us are happy.i still love him but he is tired and bored of me. i would advise you to break up soon and continue to be friends only,because its not too late and none of you will be sad with this decision of yours and i promise u wont lose your friend. i regret my decision which i too had taken in haste, i too was afraid to lose a sweet friend of mine. and so as to rectify my mistake i was going through this website.i never knew my bf would change so much and he is even cheating on better break up as soon as possible n m sure u wont be another victim as i am but you know what.he is happy and doesn’t care a hoot about me, and i still cant live without him.hope you understand and take the best decision.

  2. lonely January 15, 2012 at 2:48 pm #

    i too had attempted suicide but not to keep him in my life but just bcoz i was frustrated with my life…i couldn’t tolerate him bcoz i loved him n he always cheated on me..i am alive today n still with the same guy.he hasn’t changed at all and is still cheating on me.its high time now and this time i just want to get rid of the guy and not of my life but don’t know how to do it bcoz he doesn’t let me do this nor does he change for the better.lets hope for the best.

  3. Sébastien February 3, 2012 at 7:00 am #

    Hello there, i’ve been with my girlfriend for 6 years now. First i must say that when i decided to get with her i had to take another additional decision because she got 2 kids. I’ve seen them grown over the past 6 years and i really love them from the bottom of my heart. 3 years ago our couple had to face a crisis and even tough we’ve been able to get out of it, it’s never been the same. We have no trust in each other anymore. I’ve tried my best to fix it up in the past 3 years but we got ourselves trap in a infernal routine. 1 month we are  ”OK” and the next 3 month we keep fighting for stupid stuff. After trying to do everything i could to save this relation, i just gave up after realizing i was falling into a deep depression and my health was in Danger. now i want to end it all for me, for her and for the kids who doesn’t deserve to live stuck in the middle of this hurricane. so i started your 7 step guide (it’s my first break-up) and while i was away for a week to give me time to think over our relationship, she announced me that she is now pregnant… i’m devastated… i’m just not ready for that and i don’t know if she is really telling me the truth. i don’t know what to do my mind was made about this but now i fear that i’m not going to be strong enough to break-up and i’ll end up staying in a relation i don’t want… what should i do? plz help me out

    • Bestfriend_always February 19, 2012 at 7:39 am #

      Dear Sebastian,
      Its really better to tell her how u feel, if ur relationship was down because of trust, u would like 2 make sure she is a hundred percent pregnant, life goes on, make sure you take care of the child, love the child, and be there always 4 the child.

    • Kecia April 29, 2012 at 11:49 pm #

      I have been in a relationship for 10 years and I knew from the 2 year that I should have left. If you are not happy, you should leave. If she does not make you happen by all means walk away, for your happiness and hers. If she is pregnant, let her know you will be there for the baby. It sounds like they relationship is over and she is trying everything to trap you. Take it from a person that is trapped in a relationship that should have never been. I wish you nothing but happiness!

  4. Ronak February 10, 2012 at 3:13 pm #

    This proves that there are true lovers like you too! 

    • wisemen November 13, 2014 at 6:23 pm #

      My advice, Just move on (unless you had kids together and then it isn’t so easy)… in six months it will be a distant memory, and you will look back and wonder why you worried about the separation. Both parties are better off.. Nobody should just stick around.

  5. evanna lynch April 16, 2012 at 12:33 am #

    my boyfriend and i have been together for a few weeks and he is one of my best guy-friends and i want to break up with because my friends dont like him,he gets jealous when his friend talks to me,and he has gotten kinda annoying. how do i break up with him

    • Jazz November 3, 2016 at 7:33 pm #

      Do things that he doesn’t like but keep enjoying with him so he doesn’t feel that you are doing purposefully.

  6. Kecia April 29, 2012 at 11:38 pm #

    I have been in this relationship for 10 years. I have never had tobreak up with anyone in my life, something always happen. They move out of town, we lose contact, or they break up with me. I have been trying to break up with this man for a year now. I don”t want to be in a relationship right now. We don’t have the same goals in life, hell he don’t have any. I’ve been with him since I was 23 years old, so we are comfortable together. We live together, he wants to get married and I don’t. He annoys the hell out of me. We sleep in seperate rooms. I have told him on several occasions I didnt want ot be in this relationship anymore. I use to think he wound change but that never happen. I thought he would grow up, but he is the same person I met 10 years ago. I don’t regret our relationship, because this relationship shows me what I want in a man and what I will not tolerate.

    Please help, I’m running out of options!

    • Juicee December 1, 2014 at 12:51 am #

      Hey, I’m going through something very similar right now. And don’t know what to do. I plan to tell him soon and give him time to gather this things. Maybe stay over my moms house until he gets packed and drop him over his moms house. Good riddens! He’s a great father but not husband mature. I can do all things in Christ that strengthens me!

      • Me May 6, 2015 at 5:33 pm #

        I have been in a relationship for 10yrs, we are married but no kids. I have been maturing and realizing I need to knuckle down and strive for a future ie. retiring. he on the other hand has not changed a bit, 0 maturity factor, his goal in life seems to be to smoke weed with his friends and play video games, and let me take care of all the rest of the stress of the real world. I am 38, he is 40. Sometimes we just grow apart, it happens. So I understand totally. May the Lord grant you strength sister.

        • Fed up87 July 4, 2016 at 3:06 am #

          OMG …so i have been with my boyfriend for 10 years and we have a soon to be 2 year old. he has two other children with two different women but they stay with us. His daughter wants to move back with her mother and his son just graduated from high school he isnt planning on returning any time soon. This man tells me how he goes to work and come home and i should be greatful because alot of women would kill to be in my shoes from the man he use to be. My thing is ok your looking for praise on something you are required to do anyway. I do not love this man like i use to when i was 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24. I feel like he uses me to do all the parental jobs he doesn’t feel like doing. he never helps his daughter with her homework or ask her about school projects. he never spends one on one time with her or his son all he does is go to work come home smoke weed and play his video game all night. it isnt until i complain enough that he decides to do something.
          He never spends quality time with me or tries to connect with me on an intellectual level. The only time i get physical contact is when he ready to screw. I have been complaining about this for as long as we have been together. He says he wants to get married and my son is my engagement ring??!!! idk what he thinking but i have also told him numerous times i do not want to marry him or be with him. Im here now because i allow him to sucker me in with making me feel bad for taking my son but if you think about it all he has been is an occasional playmate to him. He has not taught him a lick of nothing. I taught him the numbers, colors, letters he know. I potty trained him before two years old. i bath him feed him, he doesnt even know where his underwear and socks are.

          I use to smoke weed with him when we first met until i got preggo then after i breastfed. i recently came to the conclusion as to y i stayed so long. I was addicted to the weed and was comfortable in my mess in didnt see a reason to come from out of the cursed life i was living. But taking that step allowed me to see what it looks like outside looking in and i am disgusted. I will not raise my son in that environment cause he will end up like his dad.

          He just isn’t for me and my life i want to live with Christ

      • Evelyn December 21, 2015 at 1:57 am #

        I totally feel the same way. He has issues and im afraid he will hurt himself. I dont k ow how to do rhis but i know i cant live like this any longer.

        • Nina January 10, 2016 at 6:07 pm #

          yep,that’s really confused . I felt the same . When I break up with that one , the feeling is killing me . But i made it . Nothing can take me down any more

    • Teejay July 22, 2016 at 8:53 am #

      Hi I would really like to know what happened in your relationship if you did anything or got any advice this sounds like my situation exactly and I’m desperate to get out of it and for help please tell me what you did thank you Tj

  7. Eddie Corbano May 3, 2012 at 8:24 pm #

    I this case it is advisable to let some time pass with no contact… a few days.

    Then write a short letter/email: make your intentions clear, state your reasons and offer a meeting to answer questions.


  8. Emma May 16, 2012 at 7:33 am #

    I have been wanting to break up with my boyfriend for some time now. He just isn’t my type. He is clingy, I want my space, and I miss being single. I am dreading breaking up with him, especially because we have to sit in the same class every other day, and he is very sensitive.
    I know in my heart, though, that while it is going to suck for a while, there is a girl out there that will appreciate his emotional attachment much more than I do. He will be happier with someone else, even if he doesn’t see it now.
    I am so happy I found this article. I got sick to my stomach every time I thought of making the first move, but I’ve already done the first 2 steps, and I am building up the courage to continue. I wish the best of luck to everyone else out there going through a breakup. We aren’t alone, and we’ll get through it. Life moves on, and we must, too.

    • Hailey March 1, 2013 at 4:12 am #

      I’ve been wanting to break up with my boyfriend. He is to clingy and sometime he doesnt even pay attention to me at all. My friends don’t like him. He gets over tempered. My friends say if you dont tell him to chill out they wont be my friends anymore. I don’t know what to do.

      • lilly March 19, 2013 at 9:17 pm #

        you need to break up with him before anything bad happens an it will happen most likely if he has a bad temper.

      • joel April 6, 2013 at 3:41 am #

        Communication would work best.

      • Nina January 10, 2016 at 6:10 pm #

        Friendship is more important . Give up on him .trust your friends

  9. beth June 19, 2012 at 8:08 am #

    Could anyone tell me what should i do in my situation. Me and my boyfriend are and have been in love with each other for a couple of years. But now things are totally gonna change. We never wanted to but have to get seperate, as our parents don’t want us to get married. There’s no way out but a seperation after evaluating all options. Both of us are emotionally devastated and trying to get out of the whole attachment. I really really want to help him get through this as I know he’s not that good at taking efforts to make things better. Please help what should we do? I am really worried about him as he doesn’t want to know how to come out of this emotional stress and start fresh.

  10. sally September 26, 2012 at 3:58 pm #

    hello i am married but in love with someone who is a friend of the family. hisrelatives and mine are all closeand hang out all the time. i need however to work on my marriage as it has deteriorated over the years but if i break up with this friend then everything will be chaotic in terms of our families. can someone help me break up yet keepall the friends together

  11. suji October 9, 2012 at 1:53 pm #

    i am confused i like him i can say that i love him but both of us have different personalities thats may be because of age difference(7years)..but somethings hurts me we are in a relation from last 7month but the spark is not there after 2month only he said we love eachother but that does n’t mean we should get married i reacted in the same way one should react..after 2month i leave that place and those time he said sorry and it was good..before leaving my job and the earlier place he was the first person whom i told that i am going to leave very soon and he said its good for my future(i will get a better job).. sometimes he needs me and particularly for that time i feel i do have some existance in his life only..before going to bed he wants to talk with me but i was waitng from the morning and for me its impossible to talk at the night..then lots of fight arguement..another thing right now i dont want to get married but all of a sudden he started talking about getting married..i love to talk,text and ofcourse be in touch but no marriage..i just dont feel he is the right one and as if i am just pulling this relationship and now he tries to register this..what to do please suggest..

  12. Annika October 30, 2012 at 7:00 pm #

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for nine years but we only started living together about a year and a half ago. When I first started going out with him, I didn’t think it would last long because I wasn’t that into him. Somehow we stayed together, long distance while we went to separate universities. He is a really loved person, we never argue, always get on well, I can’t fault him, but the spark was lacking. I thought moving in with him would improve the relationship but it only made it more obvious that things weren’t working because he didn’t show much interest in sex, and now it’s been months since we last had sex. I love him as a friend but I know we can’t stay together. He says he loves me and wants to make things work. It’s only when I met someone new that I realised that I have to put an end to this. I just don’t want to hurt him because I do care about him and he’s never done me wrong, and even though I’m scared of being lonely, I’m looking forward to being single!

    • Alex August 12, 2016 at 8:36 am #

      Hey I know it’s been like 4 years since you posted that, but I’m in that situation right now. Exactly the same one except we are still in college and it’s only been four years. How did you end up doing it? My boyfriend is perfect except there’s no passion left. We never kiss, the sex sucks. Its clearly over. I’m trying the distance thing (staying away from him), but is there any other way to let him know its coming so he isn’t quite so shocked? As far as he can tell everything is fine. Thanks

  13. Blaise Kerehoma January 31, 2013 at 4:58 am #

    Hi Eddie, I really love what you have to say about break-ups. I can definately relate.
    I was just wondering if you can help me out with one question “how I can come to peace with my situation”?. I have a 3 year old daughter with my ex-partner and we both share our daughter 50/50 – life is not easy because we are constantly dropping her off at each of our places every 3 days – but our daughter has adjusted to this fine. We have now been seperated for 1 year and my ex-partner still gives me alot of slack for not giving him a chance for us to work our differences out. I had mentally prepared myself to seperate from him 10 months prior to seperating with him I tried relationship counselling, speaking to family friends and close family regarding our problems but I felt that my ex-partner ignored alot of what was happening to us – I believe he blamed me for all the mistakes we had made together. Our break up was mutual also. He hates my guts now and probably for the rest of my life because I went out with a friend of mine 2 weeks after seperating from my ex. He says that I didn’t give him a chance to figure things out and work on our differences. He fluffed around with me for the first week and said “don’t rely on us getting back together because I can’t guarantee that it would happen” I was distraught because I thought that there would be hope for us. The second week of our seperation – a lightbulb flicked on inside my head and I automatically went into survival mode and decided to move on and not wait around for my ex-partner to make a decision on what he wanted to do. I told him that I wanted to sort things out – but he kept ignoring how I was feeling about the situation and us – and he did not reply. I got impatient and hot headed and didn’t think before acting. Some part of me feels guilty for not letting time pass before sorting out what went wrong with us and to try and find a solution. I do feel bad now that I am happy and he is not. I feel hurt the most with having my daughter go through this horrible situation. My new partner has been so supportive throughout the last year and I feel so good about who I have become and how happy my baby is. But I still miss the memories of being a family with my ex-partner. And I feel sorry for him as he has not yet moved on. Can you please help me with advising how I can come to peace with this situation as I am still searching for answers. I was always a true believer in staying with my man through thick and thin when having a baby with my man. I look forward to your reply.

  14. Denise February 21, 2013 at 6:01 am #

    I would love to know how you would approach a breakup with someone you live with? Been together for almost two years, in this time he’s not been employed. I’m disabled. So, I’m supporting both of us and my minor child, not his. I want to be honest with him, but he always turns everything around and doesn’t take responsibility for his own actions. Our priorities aren’t on the same page, and I don’t think they ever will be. He is ten years younger, I’m in my early 40’s. I feel like I’m stuck. Any advice will be greatly appreciated!

  15. Jane April 2, 2013 at 6:12 pm #

    I have been in a relationship for 5 years.We live together. I have a 10 year old who has known him half her life and is in love with him. I am at the point where it has to end… I am so done. I just don’t know how.

    1. He has not had a stable job in 5 years.
    2. He does not help with rent or bills at ALL for that matter. Every now and then he’ll give me $100 or $200 but it’s been almost a year since that has happened.
    3. His cellphone broke and he asked if he could use my daughters cellphone until his is fixed (my mom pays for my daughters cellphone and she does not really in to it…yet)…but he hasn’t offered to pay the bill in the THREE months that he’s been using it.
    4. I have been having to travel out of town for work (fly on Monday and fly back on Friday) for the last three months, he has had a car to use (with gas) for interviews, my daughters cellphone AND access to my macbook and still no JOB interveiws or even prospects.
    5. He picks me up from the airport late IN MY CAR, in a dirty car, with low tire pressure, that has no gas and the “change engine oil” light is on

    I love him. He is a sweet kind person and It’s not all bad.
    He cooks for me (almost daily)…granted I buy the food.He does sometimes clean the house. He treats my daughter like his own… and she feels like he’s her “other” dad.

    I’m so annoyed with him and his LACK of ambition. It’s like I have a 32 year old son…except we have sex…YUCk, right?

    How do I approach this. I’m going back home this weekend and staying for a week… I plan on ending it then.

  16. Ashley June 10, 2013 at 8:43 pm #

    Hi I have been in a relationship for 5 years now and Im feeling stuck. We started dating right after my sixteenth birthday, I am now 21. We have lived together for 3 years now and we have a one year old daughter together. Things just haven’t been okay for a really long time. Although we live in the same house it feels as if we’re a thousand miles apart. I’m no longer happy, I don’t feel like myself, and I’m starting to feel depressed. I want out but it’s so hard with our daughter. I’ve been a stay at home Mom since I had my daughter and haven’t worked in two years. I wouldn’t know where to even begin, but I’m tired of feeling stuck. Every time I try and talk to him about what’s going on with us he laughs in my face and turns the situation into just him “So I don’t do anything for you right ha” and leaves our house. I feel like I’m continuously trying to resolve our problems to make our family work. But I’m tired of fighting for something he doesn’t want. If he did wouldn’t he listen to what I have to say and try to work with me on this, instead of laughing and walking out. His family also doesn’t like me so I think that may have something to do with it. After work (12 hr shifts) he’ll go straight to his parents and stay there for five hours then come home to sleep. On his days off he is always out and about having things to do with his cars and leaves me and our daughter at home. I’m always waiting and asking for time with him but he always has something else he needs to do. I’m lonely, and when I tell him I miss him and want time together he says “you act like I’m cheating on you or out with my friends! I’m just fixing my car” .. I try and tell him I don’t think he’s cheating and I don’t mind him having guy time at all, but that I’d also like to have time with him. He works 12 days straight , 12 hrs at a time and gets four days off; and me and our daughter hardly ever see him. So of course I do get a little frustrated with the fact that even on his days off he doesn’t care to make time for us. What do I do? Do I stay unhappy, or do I leave and try to make a life for me and my daughter.

  17. David July 9, 2013 at 5:41 pm #


    I have a problem, I am with this girl and I love her. We have a rented house, shared posessions etc. I have changed career drastically in the last few months and after being shut away most of the time I am now free every evening and weekend. I feel that although my feelings towards her have not changed my circumstances have and now I have more freedom than I have ever had, but cannot enjoy this new found freedom as I am with someone and so feel compelled to spend time with her. I know that I would be happier if I broke up but also I feel that maybe I am being selfish. I would love to go out and meet new people from work or wherever but I feel restricted in what I can do as I always have to think about her.

  18. Marko July 13, 2013 at 4:23 am #

    I have been in a relationship in a half year now and i don’t find any feelings for her anymore. She don’t think like me and she always try to be like me but it keeps scaring me when she says that she is going to take suicide or cut her self if i break up with her. Could you try to help me handle this situation?


  19. Megan July 17, 2013 at 6:05 am #

    I have been in a relationship for 5 years now. I do love him, just not IN love with him. We have been living together for years now and we share many possessions including a house we bought together. ( it is a fixer upper). I feel that I am the only one that sacrifices for us. At one time I was working 2 jobs and going to school at the same time just so that we could pay our bills. The whole time we have been together he has worked for one dead end job, I just now got him to leave it for a better one. He is a sweetheart and listens to everything I say, but I just want to be friends. We don’t even have sex anymore it is like once a month maybe. I feel more like roommates anyway. I really hate where we live but I have stayed to be with him. He says that he hates it too but when we decided to move he did not come with me, and gave me a lame excuse, so I ended up moving back. I want to just be friend but I feel that when we break up he will not want to talk to me. He is my best friend but I am not in love with him. What should I do?

  20. Marie November 16, 2013 at 2:14 am #

    I have been dating this guy for sometime now and I don’t think it’s working out very well. He doesn’t really talk to me anymore. He talks to my best friend more than me. The thing that concerns me is that I know she likes him too! I really do like him but it seems that he’s more interested in my friend more than me. He doesn’t seem to care when I bring up the subject of ending it. Does that mean he doesn’t care? Help me!

  21. Kevin January 16, 2014 at 8:08 pm #

    Hi Eddie,

    I don’t agree with point 6. In fact, my ex (who was the dumper) offered another meeting 8 days after our breakup. By then, I was already in no-contact mode. When I saw her e-mail, I felt really upset. Fortunately, I was strong enough to refuse her offer, but it took me 2 full days thinking how to respond her in a friendly way… My advice would be: don’t initiate a closure meeting. If the dumpee asks for it, then don’t refuse, but don’t initiate it yourself.

    Happy to hear your views!

    • Eddie Corbano January 16, 2014 at 9:25 pm #

      Hi Kevin, you are right, I should have stated clearer that the offer should NOT be proactive, but merely the willingness to do so upon request.

  22. jessica watson January 24, 2014 at 3:39 pm #

    hi eddie , ive been in a 2 year relationship and me and my boyfriend have yet to have sex, i just dont feel it, we have broken up once becuase of this and have had many arguments also, i just dont feel like im ready physically or mentally yet, i have had sex with my past relationship and i regret that, now my bf kinda throws it in my face like ” well you had sex with him and why not me” sorta thing, i feel like i am wasting our time, and the other day he said he is had it with all this and is sick of wasting time, so i feel that if i do give him the intimacy thats all he is gonna want, but sex shouldnt be a question with the one you love , i feel like if it was suppose to happen , it shoulda happened a long time ago, so now im feeling like im doing this cause i dont wanna hurt him and dont wanna see him sad, everyone tells me the same thing that i should move on and be sad then be in this relationship, also he kinda gave me a ultimatum cause i decided to work it out, he said if we ever have a argument about this (sex) again thats it he is done and he means it, i mean a bf shouldnt have to tell his gf that at all, please help me idk what to do ;[

  23. Shelby April 25, 2014 at 7:07 am #

    I feel like I’m going to blind side my boyfriend. He is great but seems so oblivious to the fact that we have just grown apart over the past couple of years. Part of me thinks he just refuses to grow up (he still complains when his mom doesn’t wash his clothes). I’m just over it. What are better signs for him to know it’s coming than just giving us space for a week?

  24. Mark Holt May 21, 2014 at 8:48 am #

    Excellent tips. It seems a lot of people really have trouble following the no-contact rule. One thing that I can add is that there are various ways that you can use this time period other than brooding over your ex. You could use the time to engage in some new sport, get together with your family and friends, or even take that extended vacation that you’ve been planning for and give yourself a treat instead of wallowing in feelings of depression and loss.

  25. SYN May 29, 2014 at 2:39 am #

    i have been with my bf for 4 and half years. things were fine till one day he realised we have drifted apart and he asked for a break last week. I was in state of shock as i was not informed of his unhappiness at all till the break.
    He insisted i stay in the same house and he gave me 1 year time frame but he got agitated when i say i will move out ASAP.
    He has been going out very often since the break and we hardly talk nor see each other much. after the 3rd day we broke off, he appeared in my room while i was sleeping. I dont know what he wanted, he came by my bed and we chat for a while and ended hugging and the next day will be an awkward morning.
    He still cares, he make sure the house is filled with food for me. He remembers what i miss eating and he bought it home.
    Am quite confused, what is his intention having me in the same roof?

  26. Geoff June 1, 2014 at 6:19 am #

    Hi everyone. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 8 years now. We get along great, communicate well, have lots in common etc. The problem is we haven’t had sex in 6 and a half years. She started experiencing pain during sex years and years ago so we stopped and try to have sex maybe once per year but it always ends in pain. The counter we have tried to do other stuff, but as time as gone on she has become less interested and it is more of a burden to be intimate. She feels pressure to do stuff with me and that makes her feel bad. I feel bad that she doesn’t want to and feels forced to. She has a low sex drive, and never wants to be intimate. I have a high sex drive and get extremely frustrated because we maybe try something intimate once per week but I have to feel bad to ask and then she feels I am pressuring her. I am afraid we will grow to resent each other. She is too afraid to go see the doctor, or says she will go but never ends up going. I am afraid we will end up hating each other and am at the point where i feel breaking up is almost the only option. But I really do love her. I think deep down I know that our sexual relationship will never improve. Does anyone have any advice?

    • Me November 23, 2014 at 11:16 am #

      An open relationship is the obvious solution if you both want to be around each other. For you and her. Maybe she can find someone to have good sex with too.

      Also, she should obviously see someone about the pain, as that could be dangerous.

  27. Ana Lund June 16, 2014 at 6:33 pm #

    Okay so me and this person were friends for almost two years now he started liking me maybe a few months ago at the time that he started liking me I was not even thinking of him in that way sure I had some days were I thought hey we could work we would make a good couple but for the most part I didn’t want a relationship.We started daiting two months ago.I did start to like him and have feelings for him.A month in a half into our relationship he told me he loved me and I said it back because I did love him and I do love him still so so much but I’m not in love with him I don’t love him as much as he loves me .I love him when I am with him but then once I get home I start to think and at some point a realized that yes I love him but I just love him like a friend I realized that I could easily flip the switch and be his girlfriend one day and his best friend again the next.I know that maybe if I saw him with another girl I’d get jealous but I would get over it.Ive been thinking about all that for a good two weeks now but it didn’t get bad until yesterday.I saw my friend who is a psychic she did his reading and he went home and then she did mine and the 1st thing she tells me is he’s not your soul mate and you know it and you’ve known it for a long time but he really cares about you he loves you and you love him too but you are never going to love him the way he loves you and the longer you stay with him the more you are going to hurt him because he’s going to fall more and more in love with you and so when you break up with him it will hurt.She said but right now is not the right time it’s two months you’ll be together on Friday wait till three months don’t let your relationship go past 4 months or else it’s going to be to painful.So since that whole meeting I can’t stop thinking about it I know what a need to do but I don’t want to hurt him oh god how I would do anything not to hurt him but I know no matter what a will.And I know she says I should break up with him but I am not ready to say goodbye because I want to stay friends with him I’m not used to not having him be in my life but he deserves someone who will love him just as much as he loves them he really does .The worst part is that we go to the same school and have four classes we are required to take together next year in order to stay at the school so I will be with him 4 hours everyday of the week and I could just not live with being in the same room with him with him hating me and not talking to me. Please just if any one could give me guidance or reasurance that maybe we could be friends again

    • marie August 21, 2015 at 5:06 am #

      I have been having these same feelings, I don’t want you to feel alone. He is someone I have talked to every day for about 2 years, we go to the same college in the same group of friends, and he was my friend first, and I also was not into him sexually at first, and had the passing thoughts of well maybe and EVERYTHING you said. I have tortured myself over it all, really. I’m in the same spot as you. It’s so hard. It’s hard to make the move, hard to make a change, hard to hurt someone you care about. And to think of them with someone else. God why does it have to be so difficult? I have tried a few times, to take the relationship part out of the equation, but we keep going back. I have not made any definite changes, but I just want you to know you’re not alone, and thank you for sharing this.

      • dean March 20, 2016 at 12:22 am #

        Exactly. Why does it have to be so difficult?
        I just broke up with my gf and I feel terrible. She’s this so so so good person. I just haven’t been thinking and feeling in our relationship. She’s really a nice person and it was a real nightmare for me to want to hurt her. But I did! I broke up. She doesn’t even know why! I was so weak I couldn’t tell her! She had been feeling like I ignore her, which is not true. The thing is, or was, that her expectations were was rational and enough for sb IN LOVE with her. not me. god I feel terrible…

        • dean March 20, 2016 at 12:25 am #

          “… I just haven’t been thinking of this relationship like a real one and I couldn’t help it. I don’t know why. I felt like she was my friend. not gf. I could even marry her cuz she is a very good person everyone would love to have!! but I just didn’t feel the way I should have been feeling…”

    • marie August 21, 2015 at 5:11 am #

      I am in the same spot as you, and I want you to know you’re not alone. He was my friend first, I was not into him sexually but i had the passing thoughts of maybe, we go to the same college, share all the same friends, and I fear the change, making a move, seeing him with someone else…everything you said I have experienced. It is hard to make the move, and I’m scared to hurt someone I care about. I have tried but have not made a definite move. I just want you to know you’re not alone and I thank you for sharing this.

  28. Luciana July 8, 2014 at 3:00 pm #

    Hello, and what when there is courage? Both are leaving together and there is a guilty feeling?

  29. Scott August 25, 2014 at 3:51 am #

    I am at a true impasse in my relationship. I have been with my girlfriend going on three years and it’s all falling apart. She quit her job a year ago and has done little or nothing to even look for, let alone get a job. She had a car when we met, but it turns out it was a lease, so no car. And we used to be physical and loving, but now it’s been months since I’ve even been kissed, let alone anything else. Even typing this is making me wonder what the fuck I am doing but I do truely love this woman and it’s killing me…help?

  30. shubhangi kaushik September 26, 2014 at 12:10 am #

    Hey eddie. Please answer this question of mine asap. I am a 20 year old girl. Belongs to a very conservative family. I deeply love my boyfriend to whom i am in a realtionship for the last 6 years. He loves me too. But in these 6 years i waa the only one who suffers. He gets annoyed easily from me wen i do some immature stuff according to him. He gets abusive and start complaing whenever he gets angry on me. Sometimes for no reason he gets sbusive. We never had sex coz we dont meet often because we both belong to conservative family. My parest dislike him from the core of their haert. And i too not feel any spark for him anymore coz i am so hurt from his unpredictable anger and abusive behaviour. Should i break up or not plz tell dear. U r elder to me and well mature and ecperianced man. So u can giv me a good decision.

  31. Christine October 22, 2014 at 6:12 am #

    I honestly do not know what to do. When my boyfriend and I met 6 years ago (we were teenagers(19-20)), I thought he was the greatest person ever. He was smart, funny, and overall made me very happy. We have a 4 year old together. I feel that this is when things started going downhill…. no… off the cliff. I realized that with a kid, I needed to get my act together and provide a better life for my daughter than I had growing up. I am currently in a Doctorate Program and will be finished in 3 years. I have plans for our future. He has NO plans. He doesn’t want to better himself for my daughter’s sake, and doesn’t work or go to school. I just feel that we’ve grown apart, so far that it’s not fixable. I have tried talking to him about my feelings, but he gets very upset, and somehow makes me feel like the bad person.
    It’s hard, because I have never really dated, socially my confidence is low, and I’m afraid I will be alone forever. It makes me really sad thinking about it. I’m sad or upset almost every day, when I used to be a very happy person. If we didn’t live together, I feel this would be so much easier. As it is, we don’t communicate much at home. I get home from work late at night, I do my homework, spend a little bit of time with my daughter before she goes to bed, take a shower and go to bed. I realized that when we stopped talking, when he talks to me, I feel like I don’t care what he has to say anymore. As bad as I know that sounds! But somehow at the same time, I feel like it’s been 6 whole years! how do I just throw that away like it’s nothing? I’m lost.
    Anyways, now that you all know my life story 🙁 any advice??

    • Robert Bashfield November 17, 2014 at 8:42 am #

      Christine, it is very hard with a child. I remember my first divorce. I had a daughter who meant and means almost everything to me. I considered so many things, but what broke the camels back was realizing I was the only one who wanted a growing relationship. I thought I could fix it,but I would have to loose myself. I married again, and a close friend called me one day saying I married the same person twice, and repeated the same mistake. The marriage ended badly with a betrayal on two fronts. You continued your education to follow your dreams and show your daughter, if you dream and work towards it, everything is possible. I admire you. AS to being alone forever, take one day at a time. It takes time, as it should, to get to know someone who appreciates you for who you are. Believe someone is worthy of you, and love will find you, if it already hasn’t, with a man who is waiting for you to decide your direction. Take a chance. You are more than worth it.

  32. Lizz October 28, 2014 at 11:10 am #

    I am 14 years old. After I broke up with my previous boyfriend the one I’m dating now suddenly moved in on me. I was still getting over the last one and I needed my time to recover and find my own space and figure out myself but he came too quickly. Two months after the break up and he asked me out. I had to say yes, I couldn’t hurt him. I myself began to fall for him and before I knew it I thought I was in love. Now all I feel is trapped. I feel like I’ve fallen in a trap so cleverly devised because we talk about sex and stuff while messaging and I’m so scared he might show people. I just can’t say no and I feel so trapped and so scared. I feel it was so stupid of me to talk about all these things and I’m so scared. I feel like he wants me for sex and that’s all. I feel so scared that he might show people all of our conversations if we break up. I don’t know what to do. I can’t tell anyone. I feel so trapped. I would never have thought I’d ever do this. I just feel like I fell into a trap. Please can someone give me any advice that might help me. I am so scared. How do I break up with him? I feel like I can’t.

    • Jen February 19, 2015 at 9:17 pm #

      Hi Lizz,
      This thread is a little old, but I wanted to comment.

      Never let a guy pressure you, or make you feel like you have to stay. If you feel scared, then you definitely need to get out. Here are a few things to think about, if you think you cant leave.

      #1 he might already have shown his friends those texts to make himself look cool anyway, so it doesnt really matter.

      #2 Assuming you can get access to his phone discretely and safely, delete those messages and anything else you are worried about before you break up.

      #3 if you break up and he does show them, there might be a short time of embarassment for you. If he tries to use this against you, you just have to stand up for yourself. It is much easier to go through this, than be with someone who makes you uncomfortable all the time. Just respond something like this….

      “Yes I said those things in a text, but obviously I would do any of those things with you. I was just joking around and now you are mad because I dumped you.” or “So what, you also said a bunch of stupid things that you didnt mean. At least I was mature enough to keep private messages private, rather than using them to get attention.”

      • alexix December 9, 2015 at 12:07 am #

        wow that is what I went through.

  33. Robert Bashfield November 17, 2014 at 8:25 am #

    I have been in a relationship for over 2 years. I am very active, but my girlfriend is not. She has a list of wonderful qualities, but I know she is not someone I want move in with. We are not compatible in a few key areas that make a difference to me. Three weeks ago, I was going to break up with her, but 1/2 an hour prior, she told me that day was the anniversary of her nephew’s death, 15 years prior. Thus we spent the day together Her 55th birthday is 12 days away, followed by Christmas. Part of me feels I should end it now, but another part does not want this to scar her birthdays for year to come. Maybe it sounds a bit drastic or melodramatic – On the other hand, I do not want to be false with myself, with her as I have for the past few months. Furthermore, after Christmas is New Years, New Years is Valentines. And, we work for the same company, though not in the same department. This is crazy. Any suggestions?

  34. Bella January 20, 2015 at 5:38 am #

    I’ve been dating this guy for not a very long time and I just don’t feel a connection and he tells me that he loves me, and how much I mean to him and I just don’t feel the same way, and I don’t know how to break up with him I feel like a terrible person and right now honestly I want no boyfriends anytime soon, I don’t know what to do.

  35. Michael September 1, 2015 at 2:35 pm #

    Ok, so I have been in an on and off relationship with my girl for nearly 8 years and its getting old. Explaining the situation is a very long and hard process. For starters we are high school sweethearts and do love each other. We have had our issues in the past and have been able to work around them one way or another. When we were a bit younger in the start of our relationship I was away with the military doing some training! I had gotten a week off to go see her and I couldn’t have been any happier. I even spent over $500 to get from base to home just to find out she was going to break it off with me! From this point things got worse. I had two of her best friends tell me she had cheated on me and I I had confronted her about it and to this day denies this but acts as if I cheat on her daily! Now when we were about a year into this relationship I had lied to her to go to a party because Iknew she wouldn’t go or want me to go… Very clingy! But my life was anything but still. I was very active and had many friends. When she found out about the party everything changed. Thought I was cheating but in my whole life have never cheated on anyone because its the lowest form of disrespect to a relationship! She has never forgiven me for this! So for the past 6 and a half years she has not trusted me and I have never done anything like this since. I am very loyal and she doesn’t see it . As for today I have lost count of how many times we have split and gotten back together with both of us thinking this time will be different! It never changes, yet I have on so many things!! To this day I have lost all close friends to me because she is sooo clingy and does not want me to go out. This is unfair!! We recently broke up after a solid year and 7 months together. We were seperated for about 6 months and I was good, healed no worries and two friends back in my life. Then out of the blue I get a message from her saying her parents had gotten a divorce! This is a very heart breaking thing as they had moved away and she had only her sister and one best friend. We were and still are the best of friends and so I went over to help her get through this with conversations on anything random to get the divorce out of her head for a while. From there we started a relationship again.. again . As of any relationship the first month or so were great but now it has gone into the same untrusting relationship! The thing is, I need and want to be trusted and its unfair to me that she does this. I come home from work and get questioned on a daily basis about girls on facebook.. do you know this one or that one and its a constant thing.. I get pissed and upset. The thing is… I DO NOT HAVE FACEBOOK!!!! I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore and I have broken it off soo many times before due to this overly obsessed non trusting girl, but feel soo bad because she has no friends anymore because they hate me and don’t want to be involved with it she has her sister and that’s it. I have been an ass to her over the years and I have changed who I am I’m not a happy person anymore, I’m not outgoing like I used to be and I am suffering. I believe I’m making her suffer for the way I have changed due to her insecurities . its not fair to her but also not fair to me either. I’m stuck between crossroads and don’t know what to do!? This article is great Eddie but definitely not for every relationship. Any advice would be great.. and trust me I know she is not all to blame but everything builds up and my biggest issue is trust.. I trust her with all my heart and she can’t do the same.. this has been the end result to all of our breakups !! Please any logical advice would be appreciated thanks.

  36. Muhammad September 13, 2015 at 5:10 pm #

    Hey I’ve been with my gf for about 3 years now. And I truly love her I do . but this relationship isnt for me . I wanna get out more knowing I won’t break someone heart. Just do more stuff without the fear of someone getting mad at me or arguing with someone . she wants to get married in April and I don’t want to yet. And I also want my kids to be Muslim just like me but I don’t have the heart to tell her . and I just started having these feelings about her . I love her I do but idk where to go I’m stuck

  37. Dianne October 19, 2015 at 9:17 am #

    I have been with a man for 15 years, making the move right after my husbands death. We are very, very, different, but he seemed exciting and he seemed to know everything I needed, being very smart. He has been married three times, five kids and still in college, but here is the bad part, he is a heavy pot smoker and heavy drinker, but functional during the day. How did I get in so deep? He was abusive physically, and had to straighten up, due to my not tolerating it, but then the verbal part got worse, followed by the withdrawal of affection. Yes, all the classic signs were there for a narcissistic man, but I was hooked. Thank God he is the one breaking up, but he always brings me back somehow. I feel I love him very much, but somewhere I think I was just in love with the fact that he was so different then my husband, and rather exciting at times. The only answer I have for any of you is to go to church and join a Sunday school class, or group, and try to listen carefully. I don’t think there is any other way except for God. If he were to call and want me back I might go, so that is the bad part. I put my house up for sale, so will move at least an hour away where my family lives. Somewhere I feel finding someone new would help, but no,no, no. It is time to find something that I enjoy and pour myself into it, not just drinking coffee with friends, but a real passion that maybe I didn’t follow through with after college. Yes, a passion and God. Know your loved by God and stay in contact with your family.

  38. Shyanne October 22, 2015 at 8:19 am #

    Hi, I’ve been in a relationship for 2 years now and when the relationship started, it was like a dream come true! Now I just want out…. We are now engaged to get married in 3 years… And the only reason he proposed was to keep me from breaking up with him. I’ve been wanting to leave him for months now and I just can’t . He never listens to me, he’s always groping even when I tell to stop, he’s more worried about his video games, he doesn’t like me being gone anywhere even if it’s work for too long because there’s too many guys, I’m not allowed to be friends with a guy unless he’s met him, he doesn’t have goals ( he says he lives in the now), he doesn’t want me to pursue my dreams when I get casting calls for acting because he’s worried that they would give me a sex scene. WHAT DO I DO! PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

    • kylie December 27, 2015 at 4:04 am #

      He shouldn’t be the one controlling you or your dreams in life.

  39. kylie December 27, 2015 at 3:58 am #

    A couple of weeks ago me and my boyfriend got together. It was all okay until I would frequently catch myself thinking about my ex and comparing our old relationship to my new one. Example; with my ex, I was totally comfortable with him, I KNEW that I could be myself around him and he wouldn’t judge me. he was also 100% comfortable with me. Everyday he would remind me how much he loved me and always will. Unfortunately, I ended the relationship cause of too many issues with myself, he sadly moved on for a short while but recently told me I would always have a huge chunked of his heart. Then.. there’s my new BF. I like him but not as much as my ex. I’m not comfortable with him. I don’t feel I can be myself around him. i don’t want to hurt him but I just have thinking and missing my ex way too much. advice?

  40. Ms Jones December 29, 2015 at 11:36 pm #

    Hi Eddie –

    I think your 7 rules are a very good the age if emails and text messages, people seem to think that is an okay way to break up. It is not.

    After 3+ years with my ex I recieved a long and formal email from him – he was in Europe at the time.

    I was so crushed I could barely keep my composure. Luckily I have a very supportive male friend (just friends). He
    could see how upset I was and always encouraged me. I am a grown woman and never expected such a rude break up.

    He was my companion for a long time. Neither of us are youngsters. Then all of a sudden this horrible email, filled with false accusations, all types of things.

    When he returned home, he would not even speak to me. I saw him in the street one day and he would not even look at me.

    I have been through break ups before. Every person should have the decency to break up in person and give the partner an opportunity to at least try to understand what is happening. And it was a terrible misunderstanding as well – his friend had told him some false information about me, which I was never given the opportunity to clear up.

    Anyway, all the more reason to have this man out of my life. Who treats a lover like that? Not the one who is right for me.

    Ms Jones

  41. L.V. January 5, 2016 at 2:53 am #

    These steps are okay, but not sure meeting in person for a breakup is the best thing in all cases. Been in relationship almost 8 years, don’t live in same city. Long story which won’t go into here, but there’s been lots of ups and downs. He has a temper and periodically will say or do something that’s way out of line. He’s not a kid, nearly 60 yrs old and also drinks more than he should. Had planned a romantic four day getaway over the holidays which turned really sour all of a sudden with him destroying some (minor) property (some knick knack type gifts he’d given me last year). He did this like a childish jerk of 12 years old. After doing this ridiculous act, he wanted to pretend that it was no big deal, but it has led to a separation and cooling off type of period. In this situation, it’s not as if a breakup should come as a big shock to him, to the extent that he’s due some respectful “in person” type of breakup explanatory session. He knows that this act of property damage was the last straw. And anyone who is of that mentality to cross the line into tearing something up, no matter how “small” or inexpensive, is someone who can’t be trusted to get a grip on his emotions. So, I would say, anyone who has encountered someone who little by little pushes the boundaries and loses their emotional balance into that type of behavior, maybe it’s not a great idea to have a face to face breakup. This person is not a high school kid. He’s a grown, older man, so it’s even weirder and more difficult to cope with a person who is so immature and unpredictable. There’s no friends or family around to help or be supportive, so there’s no assistance in that way. An 8 year thing that had everyday, extensive contact/communication is very difficult to just break off quickly without it being somewhat “iffy” from a safety/security standpoint.

  42. swathi May 2, 2016 at 7:49 am #

    hello, please give me a suggestion, what shall i do, i loved one guy, 2 years back but only for few months and i realized after that he is not fit for me and he is not well settled also and i started avoiding him from past 1 year, even though i dont love him, i dont want to hurt him because, we were loving without knowing any one, even my best friend because i was ashamed of showing him as a boyfriend, she usually doesnt like him, so it was a secret and now he was having some audios which we both spoke, and he sent an audio to my friend to take a revenge on me, and she is okay with that and she giving me some suggestion to clear this issue, but i am feeling some guilt and i am not feeling good to discuss with her,
    i am feeling down in front of her because of this guy, give me some suggestion because now i am depressed, i dont know what to decide about these both, i know that i will defenitely going to leave that guy but what shall i do with my friend, even though she accept me but i am feeling down in front of her. please reply me

  43. Subham July 19, 2016 at 5:04 am #

    Hi… Pls i need a solution… Quick i’m just getting bored of the relationship. We both were having good times.. And it’s like she always has to be dominant. When she gets her mood she would talk and i have to wait for that. But when i give her a call it’s like i’m busy now and ttyl. Her interest would develop all of a sudden. She is like always saying the lies and making thousands of wrng excuses. I have to wait for her to talk. I have also got my own life of living. It’s like being with a drama queen. I just want to get away from this relationship.

  44. Sally July 25, 2016 at 5:33 pm #

    Anyone if possible answer me ! It says that you have to do it in person ,but what if the guy is miles away ? We’re classmates and every year , he goes back home for summer vacation, spring break and weekends, we haven’t seen each other in a month , but he isn’t giving up ! I broke up with him twice but still went back to him .

  45. Ashley November 3, 2016 at 6:16 am #

    I’m in a situation that is more common, I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years. When we met he had been divorced for a year and a half, also at the time his daughter was 13. From the start of our relationship there has always been turbulence, such as his exwife getting involved and his daughter never liked me, of course because to her I was the reason she didn’t have her family back together, so that also contributed to us having problems. I have an autistic 10 year old son from a previous relationship that his daughter is jealous of because he’s spent time with him and has helped with some of his issues, which makes this all the more difficult. Anyways, after 4 years of trying so hard to make it work I feel as though I’m the only one making an effort, only when I talk to him about breaking up does he try to make things work. He’s been drinking much more frequently and to the point that he’s so drunk he doesn’t remember anything. Recently he told me that he’s doesn’t know how to be happy or how to move forward, which leads me to the conclusion that he obviously has issues to work out over his divorce and I’m merely someone to comfort him. I love him but I can’t go on like this I feel as though he’s pulling me down with him, but when we are together with my son we show him that everything is fine. I don’t know how my son will deal with this and I don’t want my son to loose another father figure, should I still let him see my son? I keep telling myself it’s for the best and I know that if I stay I will end up 10 years down the line I’ll be very unhappy. Any other tips on how to try to make this transition any easier??? I am starting the steps tomorrow but should I still let him be around for my son or is it better to just follow the steps?? Please help!

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