Hey Kelly,

The advice that I (and everyone else) am going to give you is simple: Don’t stay friends with him AT ALL. It’s your choice to take it or leave it.

Even though you’re broken up, you are in a co-dependent relationship. He is controlling and jealous, and you feel that you are responsible for his sanity.

You don’t need an overbearing ex-boyfriend telling you who’s company you can keep. And despite what you think, you are not the only thing keep him alive, and if you are, that has to be his problem.

We ALL want to keep the people that we’ve loved from experiencing pain and heartache. Unfortunately, pain and heartache are essential parts of our lives. If you try to live your life in-line with your boyfriend’s request, it will hurt you both more in the long run.

Please, tell him that you need time apart, and you don’t wish to even think about being friends right now. Tell him that if he wants what’s best for you, he’ll respect that. If he can’t respect that, then it’s his problem, but you can’t indulge him by being friends.

Best of luck to you, Kelly!

I’ve been following this thread — it's painful to hear everyone’s story, especially those who feel stuck and can’t get out.

It’s rough when you know the person is going to be hysterical (like Jeff said his gf was), and when you think they have “nothing to cling to”. But you CAN’T stay simply because you think your partner needs you. All relationships go through rough times, but ultimately if you don’t WANT it then you have to break up so you can both get on with your lives.

I ended my one year relationship with a wonderful woman yesterday. Quite honestly, I feel awful right now. She doesn’t deserve what I have done to her but for months now I have felt that it wasn’t going in the direction I wanted. I love her but I am not in love with her. Somehow and somewhere I lost that spark. All I had been doing for months was going through the motions of being a good boyfriend. I still don’t understand why I couldn’t get myself to be in love with her. The hardest part of this is dealing with the sense of betrayal that she is feeling right now towards me. I can’t seem to shake the guilt. I keep asking myself “What have I done?”

3months ago I posted my problem regarding my controlling, jealous, smoothering boyfriend and I finally got the courage to do it last night. The problem is that we celebrated his birthday this past weekend and 3 days letter I told him that was it, so he cant get over the fact that we are done. He triggered something, I dont know what it was but I just got fed up with all the little things we always argued about, he didn’t trust me, he was jelous, he though I was his property and he would track me like a UPS package. Now he sobs and texs me like crazy he thinks we can work things out and fix them but thruth is that I can not change who he is. He even suggested therapy. Today I realized that I miss him but that I will be better off with out him. I was hoping that he would leave me alone and perhaps we could of remain friends down the line, I didnt tell him that but after his frequent text I feel this wont be an option. I need him to stop texting me, is it recommended that I change my number? He still wants to talk about it.

I was dating this beautiful, awesome girl for almost 5 months and we both fell in love with each other. Things were going great until a former fling started to interfere by sending false craigslist list ad’s including my picture out without my knowledge (she found my password). I caught it before my girlfriend was notified and changed my password. The ad’s stopped for many months and I thougtht it was over, Since I barely use my yahoo account, I wasnt too worried about it. In fact, I actually forgot what my password was and needed to get back on my account one day and changed it back to my old password thinking that the ads were long gone….two weeks ago, my girlfriend needed to get onto my account for some reason and found new ads for craigslist again…the old fling started to send them again and I hadnt gone onto my account in months to erase or change my password once again! My girlfriend questioned me about them and I lied to her and told her that I had know idea that this was happeneing. She seemed to believe me but the next day, she TEXTS me and says that she wants nothing to do with me ever again! I have tried to call her, email her and recieved nothing, no explaination, nothing. I am deeply in love with this girl..I check my phone 20 to 30 times a day hoping she will call me, same with the email. I have tryed to explain to her what had happened but she won’t listen to me. I know she still loves me. She was always the type to talk things through whenever we had a disagreement, a very level-headed, down to earth, laid back understanding person that I always loved…she changed from that person overnight to a person that breaks up through text message without hearing a explanation. I’m hurt and confused. Can’t eat or sleep. Every freaking song reminds me of her, I can’t go out because I feel Like I will see her out and about. I had no closure, no explanation..I need help please…I wrote her a letter telling her that I love her, that I made a mistake for lying to her and that I am sorry. But I know that if we talk, we can work this out.
What shall I do?

@Esme G -

Esme, I know you’re a bit conflicted now, and you miss your ex, but you have to be very clear to him: His texts are NOT welcome, as you both have to get on with your lives.

Perhaps in 5 years you’ll both be wiser and will be able to be friends, but you definitely can NOT throw that out there.

It’s often tough for a woman to shut-down a relationship (women are good at BUILDING relationships), but the most compassionate thing you can do for him is to not respond. He sounds incredibly needy — if you go back, it will be more of the same. He needs to work on his self-esteem (which is the root cause of neediness), and you need to get on with your life (and date some new guys when you’re ready).

I have a terrible dilemna and am in desperate need of some advice, the man I am with is my first man and he is perfect, a kind person who care’s about me and does his best to nurture and tell me how beautiful I am often. I even get along amazingly well with all of his family. The awful thing is I have realised I am gay, I am not interested in sex with him or physically attracted to him, or men at all. I want desperately to be with a woman.

Would it hurt him even more to tell him this? Or would it help him understand why I just can’t be with him? Help please it hurt’s so bad to lie to him, this kind and gentle man who deserve’s someone who really love’s him and each time we’re intimate I just want to cry, it’s not what I want.

I have been with my husband for 7 years (married 5 years) and we have 3 kids. For the last 6 months I feel myself pulling away from him . We fight a lot of the time, then we make up and everything is alright for a day or two then we have a big fight. He says it’s me that starts the fights and I say a lot of the time it’s both of us. I have tried to talk to him about the way I feel and have even said to him that we should go and get some extra help, but he will not go for it.
I am not happy in the relationship anymore but I stay for the sake of our kids but I don’t know if I’m being fair to him, the kids or myself for staying.
My heart brakes everytime I think about saying goodbye but everyday I grow more and more unhappy.
I don’t know what to do !!!!!

I am in a college relationship right now and have lost feelings for my significant other and need to break up. We were friends a long time before dating, and I feel as if we are just friends that kiss right now. He has absolutely no idea that I am displeased. We never ever fight (not once), and I still like him a ton and respect him, yet feel that my romantic feelings have been washed away. I have two major problems in ending our relationship. One is that he and I hang out with all the same people, most of which have know him longer, and I fear that breaking up would sever all ties within my friend group, something I cannot do. My second major problem is that we are going to be on a church trip soon in Mexico with all of our friends. We have both already paid in full for this trip and cannot get out of it. All of our friends might be put in a very awkward who’s on who’s side on the trip if our breakup was messy, and I see no way of avoiding this. This is a major problem. Please help.

@brandycooper -
I can tell you one thing for sure that this guy really loves you (true love) and he will be happy to stay away from you if you convince him that this is what you really want. He must be constantly thinking about what you need and how he can get it for you. He will be heart broke for sometime when you break up but once he realizes that after break up he is so much free has to do so many less things and actually has more money for himself (the one he used to spend on you), he will soon be ok and laugh it off. So if you want to break up with him, be straight forward and do him a favour be breaking up as soon as you can.

@Laura -
One thing is for sure. If he has no contact with you till now, he can surely live without you. So if you want to get in touch with him to find out how he is doing without you, let me tell you he must be surely doing fine and your temptation to find out the obvious is foolish. But ya if you are depressed without him you should get in touch with him and find out if he still has some space for you in his life. Still better would be to take this oppportunity and move on. If you read the other 60-70 posts on this blog you will realize that you are the luckiest one here.

@Alan -
I am more worried about you my friend. Looks like your new gf has a lot of family and friends to look after her and is also busy with her studies. She also has a kid to showerf her love on if you are not there. But you on the other hand will have to deal with the break up all on your own. So stop worrying about yourself and start thinking about yourself.

@gayle m - put it OFF and get ON a new one

@lachase - perfect, i guess. This is what it is all about.

@Samantha - Hi, Samantha you need to get tough. Get a plan B. It sounds cynical but really its reality. When you have a plan B, you’ll feel better and restore that balance of power between the two of you because your also secure. When I say plan B, I mean get some money behind you, get an out plan. Many people will say that this is planning to fail but not true, by knowing you have choices, you’ll do what’s right for you - not stay because its easier, better for the kids or your scared to do it alone. Obviously, by refusing to get counselling, he isn’t prepared to do what it takes for you, things will then never change. Sometimes staying is just delaying the inevitable. Your kids aren’t blind, they probably hate it as much as you do and if you both do it right - they’ll still have you both as much as always but without all the fighting. Don’t forget - children learn (often subconsciously) from their parents, so are you doing the right thing by accepting what clearly isn’t right for you? Sometimes you have to do what is right for you and no-one else. Probably easier said then done with kids but your unhappiness with him is probably filtering into other aspects of your life and that is completely at your own demise. Never give up on you and your happiness, you still deserve a great life, even when you have kids. One day your kids will understand. On another note, my dad left my mum after 21 years of marriage, she had four kids at the time, was renting, and worked full-time. Somehow she made it through, even when he got a girlfriend two months later. seriously, its not easy - nothing worth fighting for is but you deserve, need and should want to be happy!!!! If you still can’t bring yourself to leave then start getting a bit selfish (I dont mean with your kids but with your partner). Go out with your friends, take time off for you and stop asking (we all do it). Best thing you can do for yourself - get to the gym. Not only will you feel sexier, more confident and more in charge but you will feel happier. Don’t make it about weight loss (Im not saying your fat at all seriously haha), make it about your everyday happiness.

Originally Posted By MarkI have been with my gf for almost 6 years now, and its come to the point where i don’t see ourselves moving foward in our relationship or her as my wife.I have broke up with her before for this reason and only when were broken up do i think that she is my other half and i can’t live without her and the pain is so unbearable that we get back together.And when were back together im happy for about a month then i start to think i have taken step back in life and feel that i am not happy again.I know that i want to end it and not too sure at the same time but i also know that when i do end it im going to think i made a mistake and shes the love of my life and want her back, are these feelings normal after a break up?.I fell that if i break it off she will be lost and never find happiness again and i am the fault of that and i can’t bear to have that on my concious.I am thinking of her before me which i know is wrong but thats the way i am and feel.I am not happy being with her and i want to break up but can’t bear to live with out her.If i wish that i can end this relationship with no pain then i do not want to be with her right???I don’t know what to do i am too attached but not happy, any advice or comment will be greatly appreciated.

I’m in the exact same place. I love her, but I am not happy. I care deeply about her and after 5 1/2 years, she’s become like a family member to everyone of my relatives. This makes it extremely difficult. She would be devastated. I have the exacts same thoughts about her being lost and that just rips me apart. I’m not happy or feeling fulfilled. She is. It’s terrible.

Hello, I have been with this guy since 2007 and I just realized that he’s an abusive boyfriend… The last time I broke up with him, he tried to kill himself swallowing a bunch of pills and alcohol. Now I just can’t stand him anymore but I’m scared of two things… One, to be alone; I completely forgot how to feel good without a boyfriend and without active sexual life with someone I’m in love with. Second… I’m scared of his reaction… he might attempt suicide again and I couldn’t handle it… Please help…

I’m trying to figure out if I should contact my ex, who I basically walked out on, after a fight - meant to be a peaceful breakup, and never spoke to him again. My ex was verbally and emotionally abusive and I believe my ex was cheating on me ‘emotionally’ and possibly physically behind my back with his ex girlfriend before me (who he was with for many years). I’ve caught my ex in a number of lies about this and my ex even admitted to having lied about having the key to her house and going there daily to check email and feed the dog etc.. (long story). He even moved to a new place within a quarter mile from her. I gave him the benefit of the doubt for various reasons, but finally had major doubts about his sincerity and honesty and it was eating at me. I finally couldn’t stand it anymore and ended it, but never spoke to him in the 3-4 weeks since. I fear anything I say will definitely fall on deaf ears and that he will just tell me that I am crazy and ‘need help’. He is actually on 4-5 prescription drugs including drugs for depression, pain killers and xanax and I think this may be part of the reason he mis-handled the breakup of his previous relationship and continued it during ours. He lied on our last night together about taking xanax and admitted it in a subsequent post break-up letter. My therapist thinks he might be bi-polar or narcissistic and recommended I not speak with him again. However, even though I told him my trust in him had gone, I never got to really have a ‘closure’ type of sane discussion with him. I’m not sure he’s capable of listening to me and would always place the blame on me. I thought of writing a letter and actually wrote one but didn’t send it. I feel awful because he has a wonderful son, who I got to know and love over the 9 months we were together. We are older and the relationship became very serious, which is why the trust problem was so painful. He has contacted me on numerous occassions, but I have never gotten back to him, taken a call or responded with even one word to his texts or emails. His letters are both hurtful and loving at the same time - quite manipulative. This is definitely one of the reasons, why it would never work for me. I’m just wondering if it would be the classier, kinder thing to do, to respond to him in some way - even though I know I will not like his response to me. And I do not want to lead him on in any way.

Joyce,

You’re in a tough situation, especially considering that you became close with his son.

From your description, it really does sound like he struggles with depression, bipolar, and/or narcissistic personality disorder. Unfortunately, he’s just not a stable person with him you can get some real closure.

You’re going to go through a range of feelings: Wanting to be back with him, wanting nothing to do with him, hating him for wasting your time and lying to you, etc. Nothing you can do right now can make you feel much better. Even if you write him a loving note in an attempt at closure, there will be times that you regret wasting another second on him.

My best advice is to walk away. Again, you will NEVER get the closure you seek because of the way he behaves. There is nothing he can say that will change all the deception that went on.

It must hurt a lot, but try to be excited about moving on to a new part of your life. It must have taken a lot of strength to take the initiative and end it, so you should be proud of yourself.

Best to you!

Michael

I need help! i have been with my highschool sweet heart since 2005. we would make four years in november. he has been jelous ever since. he wants to constantly knows who i talk to where im at and what am i doing. he calls me insanely just to check up on me. this caused me to lie to him about the littlest things. he gets mad even when i work out for too long or be out with my mom for too long. i joined the navy and he hates the fact that i joined. we fought thousands of time even before i joined. he hates that i have grown and made friends. unfortunately over the years i have more guy friends than girls because i cant find girl friends that are laid back and not slutty. i feel he controlls me all the time. because of that he cant even make a decision with what he wants to do with his career. he is older than me and still is unsure whether he wants to be in the military, a teacher, fireman, policeman. thats his usual “goals” in life. yet i see no action. i need a man that knows what he wants in life and is not worried about so much. he makes me feel guilty that i joined the navy coz he thinks there is tons of guys and i will be out to sea, stuck in a ship full of hungry horny men. i cant help that this is what i want to do and he still doesnt accept it. i can not wait for a year and a half, that is the time i go out in a deployment. i got stationed 3 hours away from home and it feels like were a million miles away. it is such a turn off when a guy has no goals, no abition what so ever. i came from a tough childhood, an immigrant and knows how to tough it out at all times. ive been away from family for years and learned how to deal with that. he has never experienced parents divorce, he lives in the same house for about 20 years now. i moved about 20 times in 7 years. everything was spoon fed to him and its just not the way i was raised. i am ambitious and i cant be with someone who isnt. im a go getter and i plan to succeed for my family. he doesnt see the reasons why i joined and how it could help my family. i will hold nothing to my success. i know how to sacrifice to have a good life. i just dont see it in him. because of that even our sex life has changed. im not attracted to him anymore. but yet i am attached and i still love him. he is like a sentimental item that you want to hold on forever. but i am not inlove with him anymore. it sucks because i am close to his family and my family likes him. we even have a dog together. he’s helped me with many things., he gave a roof over my head when i needed one. i cant give him what he wants. he wants a girlfriend that is beside him 24/7. someone who is available at all times and is a short distance drive away from home. i cant give that to him. he absolutely loves me. he could be the best boyfriend ever. he tells me how beautiful i am everyday. he deserves someone better than me. i need help. i love him but not inlove with him. i know its painful but i am sooo scared to do this. i have never been the dumper and i dont like hurting peoples feelings. i have always been the dumpee. it is soo hard to accept the fact that i have matured and grown up. i graduated highschool and ive been ready to move on. i feel stuck and been feeling stuck for the past 2 years. i dont know how i managed another 2 with him i thought that leaving for bootcamp and school i would miss him alot. but i didnt. when i came back i didnt feel the spark. that is when it hit me. 3 months apart and when i came back i felt like vacation was over. i was in bootcamp for god’s sake. HELP! SOS!

This is really difficult to write, but here goes…..

I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost two years. I’m 35 and she’s 21. (I know, I know. Her parents are Mom (Mexican) and Dad (Palestinian), whom are both Muslim. When her parents found out we were dating, and worse, that I wasn’t Muslim (I was raised Catholic), they warned her to stop seeing me or she would be kicked out of the house. I thought it would be a good idea to talk to the Dad so, I met up with him to let him know that I wasn’t just some shmuck off the street. He told me that he forbid this and if I didn’t plan to marry his daughter, this relationship wasn’t to go on any longer. I admit that even though I did have strong feelings after knowing her for a few months, I wasn’t really sure about marrying her (geez!!! it’s only been a few months…).

Sure enough, a few weeks after this, she called me to pick her up because she was getting kicked out. I immediately came and picked her up. We’ve been living together since and, I’m not sure if it’s the pressure, or because this had happened so quick, I kind of feel like because of the circumstances I’m together with her, not because this was the way I actually planned for a relationship to go.

To be honest, I’ve tried various ways to break up, but after she tells me that she doesn’t have her parents or any family (thanks to her Palestinian Dad - he forbid ANYONE from the family to speak or have anything to do with my girlfriend) to go back to. Plus, she acts like she’s going to have a nervous breakdown and says she won’t know what to do or obviously know where to go…..

I will admit, she truly is someone special and is probably the best girlfriend anyone can ask for. She honestly has done NOTHING wrong…but I just don’t feel the same. For me, if I can’t be man enought to give her the love she truly deserves, it’s only right I let her go, because deep inside I do want her to be happy.

Someone…..please, give me some suggestions!

Thanks for reading if possible, helping….

Anthony

Maris,

Your boyfriend might have some great attributes, but he is controlling and emotionally abusive (even though he loves you). He must be very scared and insecure.

It’s not your job to provide him with constant assurance or protect his ego. You need to let go. You’re not doing him any favors by staying if it’s not what you want.

I know you feel terrible about it, and you don’t want to hurt him, but heartbreak is part of life — you can’t sacrifice your life to protect him. You CAN break up with him.

Good luck!

Anthony,

There are many similarities here to the post above yours. I sympathize with you — you’re under a lot of pressure.

Yes, she’s going through a lot, but that doesn’t mean you should maintain a relationship you no longer desire. Even though you care about her, you’re NOT responsible for her mental conditions. To believe otherwise is codependent thinking.

It’s a tough situation, because she relies on you for so much. Still, that doesn’t mean that you should have to fake your feelings or sacrifice your life. You have a CHOICE in who you want to be with — she may be a great girl, but if you don’t have strong romantic feelings for her, you need to stop wasting your time and hers.

Even though separating may seem impossible now, I swear to you that you can do it — you’ll be out of this situation soon.

You’re obviously a good guy who cares a lot for the girl. You just need to act with integrity and let her know how you feel, and you both can begin a new stage in your lives.

hi eddie, thank you for this website. i’ve been reading several of your articles and they are very helpful. i broke up with my boyfriend of 2+ years and i’ve been swimming in regret. you’re absolutely right about “trying” to be certain about your decision. i don’t think it’s possible to be 100% sure.

nonetheless, reading over your list of what could be wrong with the relationship made me feel a little more certain about my choice. my ex and i could never talk about a future together because it scared him to death and he constantly doubted (openly) whether we were compatible in the long run. i held on, hoping that he’d come around. it took me a lot of contemplation to realize that my self-esteem was suffering and that this person would perhaps never accept me for who i am. my nerves were frayed and i finally had to end it. even though i was very certain about the breakup being permanent, i inwardly hoped that he’d come around. i’m beginning to realize that he won’t.

we haven’t spoken and i don’t plan on it. it is definitely hard and i struggle with it every minute, let alone every day. i think in many ways i held on for all the wrong reasons. eddie, your personal story really resonated with me. i think i expected this person to bring me happiness and make me feel complete, instead of building myself up.

anyway, thank you. it’s comforting to know that others have survived and become stronger as a result of something this painful.

I have been in a relationship for two years with a man who is 11 years older than I. For those past two years I felt like he was the one for me; as I started wanting to get more involved with him. He has a 3 year old son and I’ve been in both of their lives since the child was 11 months. I’m the only person that he knows as mother and I’m only 20 years old. I’ve been playing the housewife role and making sure the child was taken care of. Thing is, he (the man) came to Houston after Hurricane Katrina hit. But anyways, a couple of days ago, (forgive me for being all over the place) I was at a friends house who asked me to take her to her boyfriend’s house-so I did. We sat there for 3 hrs. and left. However when my bf asked me where I had been I lied at first and then told the truth. After he got mad I decided to leave to give him a chance to calm down. But here’s the thing for the past two months I’ve been very unhappy and stressed feeling like my life was going by to fast. Most 20 year olds are having fun and living life and I’m at home baby-sitting or cleaning and cooking. So, now, I’ve been trying to tell him that I need time to fix myself and I’m not prepared for the family life. He thinks I’m trying to get with someone else. But, I need some help becaus eeverytime I try to call the relationship off he goes into saying I’m abandoning him and his son, and he is once again losing everything in his life post-Katrina. My mom says he’s trying to manipulate me but, I don’t know…there’s a lot he needs to work on such as his drug habit and his gangster mentality. I’m in college and I work so it’s easy for me to get stressed…please give me some advice…somebody…it will be greatly appreciated.

Hi, my comment generally relates to Andrew’s situation. Andrew in my relationship am goin through the exact same feelings that u’re goin. I feel that if i break up with my bf will i regret it? did i make a mistake? will i find some one that will love and care about me the way he did? so, u c these feelings are natural. The feel of guilt and regret goes on for a while. By i came to realize that, am not happy with my relationship, yes i do care about the other person so much and he doesn’t deserve to be hurt but then again its my life on the edge here, y should i continue like them when am not bein able to respond or to react wz ma partner the way am supposed 2 be. Andrew, u’re story is so similar to mine, i break up wz him some time later i feel guilty, it’s like OMG i messed up h can i get him back? h can i make things right again? and i find a way to get ma partner back, i feel great for the 1st month and i convince ma self that am happy but then the same feelings i had startt 2 come back. its like a wake up call, like COME ON its not workin, u’re bein attached to somethin that doesn’t exist, u’re holding to a relationship that is doomed.
Andrew, am still figurin out h 2 end my relationship but am sure nw that ma mind is set and this is wht i want 2 do 4 sure after i read Eddie’s articles i found that common sense.
Bottom line Andrew, be strong and stick to the plan

Originally Posted By saryaits like a wake up call, like COME ON its not workin, u’re bein attached to somethin that doesn’t exist, u’re holding to a relationship that is doomed.

Part of the reason people hold on is that they become attached to their history — even if it’s an unhappy history. As you stay longer, you become even more invested, which makes it more difficult to leave. It can be difficult to get perspective at that point, which is why resources like the articles at Lovesagame are so valuable.

i’ve read like all the comments above, and i felt close to every single issue here. U c i’ve been with ma fiancee for a year and a half now. the first 5 month were amazing but then things started 5 do down hell from there? i dono wht changed.. i think its me i figured out somethin that i wasn’t aware off. i think at first i accepted and thought i loved ma finacee because he was so good to me and he is honestly the best fiancee ever, in was young i was 18, wht did i knw of love? i thought that’s love when u feel comforted with some one, but the truth is somethin totally different and sad :(. since 4 month i’ve been perfectly sure that i dn love him the sparks are gone and am no longer into the relation ship. but the problem is over this past year i’ve gotten 2 knw his family alot and they all love me and my family worships him and that doesn’t make the task any easier. i’ve been stallin the break up ever since, convincin ma self that i love him and actin out everythin. am tired of actin i don wanna sacrifice my life anymore. but i feel that am way over ma head here. if i do decide to break up i can already feel my parents blamin me ( u messed up.. he was a great guy y did u let him slip.. and bla bla).. its like the scale for them if the guy is good y wouldn’t u love him. but when was love about that.. :S.. anywayz the bottom line here is that i wanan break up i decided but am too scared to do, am attached to the guy but not emotionally attached and the guilt is killin me. i care abt him more that i care abut me and i knw he deserves better. Eddie help me plzz h can i break it to him as smoothly as possible and still yet 2 manage to clear my point on the subjectt ???

@Michael F. -
exactly Michael.. thats wht’s happening 2 me .. am so attached that i feel so weak.. so insecure and so guilty.. it’s hard really to leave some one u want to continue with because he will make u happy but u can’t because u’re juts not emotionally intact anymore. Michael am tryin to break up from ma fiancee as we speak and i can’t find the words. every time i gather ma self to do so, i remember the memories we had and hold on to them.. is that normal? or is it just me? am the one who’s weird?