Perhaps this isn't really me... publically admitting my feelings. But I hope by the time I am done writing this that maybe I will have convinced myself that this is the right thing to do... I am in a relationship that has just hit its year mark. I am young, in good health, good looking, and have an excellent start of a career. I have just recently moved out of my parent’s home and am now living on my own. So far it has been great. I've been hungry for the extra responsibility and individuality and the whole experience has been very satisfying. During this whole transition however, I have lost interest in my partner. You need to understand... I was born older. For my age I am far ahead of my peers both circumstantially and emotionally. My partner is not. She is right where she is suppose to be for her age... maybe even a little behind. She is missing essential building blocks in her foundation in maturity. Throughout our relationship I have very understood of her and her situation, trying everything in my power to help her along and fill in these gaps... I have put entirely more effort in then I have received back on their end. I guess the bottom line is that I feel that I am now in a different branch of society and maturity which, in turn, has made me realize that this person isn't right for me. Our needs in life are so different. The best way I can describe it is like a single mother dating a highschooler. The problems and concerns of a single mother are not even close to that of a highschooler... But I am getting off track. There are other things that fuel this change of heart. Her actions towards me, the disrespect. There are times she treats me so badly and then expects me to be ok when she wants something from me... I don't love her anymore. I still care for her. She has become part of my life. I have tried many things to try to reignite the sparks that I once saw in her that burned so bright. I have not been successful. I can't do this anymore. I'm going through the motions with no feeling behind them. I feel guilty at the same time... but I need to understand that people change. I have changed and I have been more then patient. I have my whole life ahead of me and this is clearly going nowhere. I need someone who understands and appreciates me. I am being brought down in my life and it is stopping me from living it to its fullest... This will be the first person that I have ever broken up with before. I am struggling with working up the courage to do it... You only live once... and life is too important to waste it worrying about things like this. You can not regret something if you learned something from it. I need to have the courage to take this next step in the rest of my life.

ops! this time i realy want to break-up! this is not feeling normal anymor!
my bf and i been together for 2years,started the relationship very serious.we liked eachother,,but i tried to know him first,,,but he used to tell me i trust you very much! i dont need to know you more!it was weird for me!anyway,,,he started to bugg me by being sensetive of me going out,,,and then i was overreacting,,becuz i was a good girl,very committed,ihave agreat family,,i was always free to do anything i want,,but i always know my bounderies! and he was disrespecting me by
being daubtful,,,and controling,! i was fighting with thesebehaviour,,i liked him,,,we were both doctors,both match-looking,,we seemed like a perfect match,,same age,,,so i tried hard to make him realy undrestand
this is not good to have doubts in life! its poisonouss.he said he is sorry
1000times and he repeated that again,,,everytime he had his own stupid reasons why he di that again! his excuses never finished! then i tried to have 3-4hours conversations with him!! ohhhh,,! he swore everyone;s life that will never do ths again,,when i finaly wanted to break-up,,but!
after ashort time when everything seems good,we were even wanted to marry soon,,,but i had always scaring ,having a badfeeling of why he is keep doing this? we fight about lotsa things,,! and we are both proud and stubburn.i feel he is weak,,and the only weapon he ha in the verbal fights,,,is bugging me with his lies about me,,,unmatured ,,,bad-tempering behaviour.U see,,HE keeps poisoning my happy life by his negative,doubtfull thoughts,,and then i say icant tolerate it anymore,,he starts to become angry,,,and say,,u never wanted me! u always looking for a reason to break-up with me,,u are not a girl to look for a good life!
and im like wow,,! when i was with him,,,my parents know,,,i was very committed to him,,,i learnt how to cook just becuz of him,,,i bought a new car to go out with him with it,,,i made all my plans with him,,
i went with him to an eglish class,,while i was advanced level,,and he was,intermediate,,! just to make him happy,,! and now i ve found out,,no matter what uve done,,when he is angry,,he easily he blind who he is talking to,! he doesnt give me bad words or swear me,,but his buggings like a snake,,,is hurting ur heart badly! when he says u dont want a good life,,!its like stabbing me! he is blind to what he is doing to me,,,he is just victomizing himself,,cuz he is weak,,! im tired of presenting myself to him,,to make him undrestand life is about trust!
that never was my job,,! i want to be happy.he cant handle problems,,iam a tough girl,,when i love someone ican tolerate everything!
but he make all tiny thing into a big mountain! he makes me upset becuz of problems too,,! he makes my life like a drama,,,though life,,!
in fights,,he even compare me wth my other girlfriends,,i sometimes do it with him too,! its bad! but,,,iam a girl,,! girls have some girls attitudes,,!
but i guess a boy who is doing this is realy girlish,,! and should be weak!
i shout alittle when iam angry,,thats alittle girly manner,,,but a man who shouts at a woman she is inlove with,,,is a total disrespect ! he is not a good man,,! cuz good girls shout becuz they have given their heart to life,,and they dont let anything ruin it,,,and they want the man undrestand it,,and he does it too,,! doubt=poison in life
make the story short,,we had great memories,,i always pictured a man lik him be next to me,,but iam afraid he has this negative attitudes,,he says he is going to change them all,,,he has tried alot to change them,,
but i still can see when he is angry he becomes so unmature,,not logical at all,,! his reasons things makes you shock,or laugh! i gradually,,started to hate him,,cuz he was very mean to me! i dont deserve someone come to my perfect life and tries to imprison me with his negative thoughts !
when u fight with someone every other day for 2years,,,and things never changed from the basic problems,,!! u know sth is not normal,,!
i wish he could think like normal,,but he can't...and its not my job anymore to talk with him1000 times,,,for 3-4hours to make him belive,,!!
cuz his brain thinks that way,,! he is sick,and weak,! i say i hate you,,
and he doesnt believe me,,! he know everytie he calls me now,,iam so sad of the 2years that passed and i cry alot,,,while he is still giving me his stupid reasons,,why he said this or that,,!! hahaha,,!
i know its gonna be hard for me,,to be singleagain,,while u were so happy finding someone u could marry,,! u thought it very dreamy,,!
but it didnt happen,,,and u should e now that tough to leave him,,!
cuz uknow that man isnt normal,,! he already made u in pan,,disrespect you,,,and say he is sorry,,,he says he is going to make a great life for you,,! he already ruined my life 2years by fighting everyday together,,!
so he is saying bullshit again,,!
wish me luck breaking up with him,,this time,,seriously forever,,
wish me ,,that ive made the best descion ever,,
try to overcome my logic on emotional,,

listen i'm in the 5th grade and i have a boyfriend that is yunger than me. i am about to be in middle school and when i am in middle school he will still be in the 4th grade how do i tell him that it just isn't going to work out anymore please help me someone!!!!!

I have been with my girlfriend for 5 years. 4 of those years under the same roof (3 living with my parents and almost a year living in an apartment together). I have always loved my girlfriend for the person she is but have always struggled to feel the spark between us. She has always known that I was the one for her. She started talking about "the ring" only after a year of going out. The problem is that the feeling was never truly mutual. The first year we were together she lost her mother and I was her strongest support during the whole thing. After that she moved in with me and my parents. We finished school and both got jobs and moved in together. We have had fights just like any relationship but eventually talked it out and moved on. The problem is that even from the very beginning, I think I only stayed with her because I knew how much she had been through already with losing a loved one. I couldn't bare coping with the guilt of hurting her emotionally again after such a horribly sad experience. She has family but they aren't very close and she doesn't have that many close friends. I always kept these thoughts locked away to myself but I know throughout our relationship she had her suspicions. Times when things got really bad and I felt like getting out she would cry and tell me that I was all she had in life and that I was her support system etc... I truly do love this girl but I just never felt "in love" (if there is such a thing). Not only that, but I was beginning to lose my physical attraction towards her. I ended it with her a few hours ago and she left the apt. I can't believe it might actually be over between us. This site has got my mind off thinking about the situation but I just hope I made the right decision. I'm not getting any younger and I just hope that there is someone out there that is a better fit. If not, I think I'd rather be alone than be with someone who I constantly fight with and don't have good sex with.

thanks a ton eddie

Ok I really need some advice or help on my situation here please.
I have been in a relationship for about 4 months now and I really do love the girl.And we have said it to each other. But lately she has been trying to change the person I am. For one example I am a smoker and never had any intentions on quitting in the near future. I have a short temper and it really helps keep my nerves calm so i don't blow up. But she doesn't like the smell and everything so she told me i'm quitting. Never asked me or anything, just told me. And gets mad at me everytime i have one. Another example is that I am very outspoken and very honest, very blunt you could put it, so when i see people and have something to tell them i tell them, good or bad. Well she doesn't like me to speak my mind because it makes people not like me. But before we started dating I had a ton of friends and now i have none. Literally none. So I just am not sure what to do because I do love her but am getting sick and tired of getting bossed around.

The fact that you've lost your friends rings major alarm bells. It sounds like she's controlling and manipulative. Escape now! Good luck.

I have been dating this guy for about 4 months, which is not a long time, I know. However, he loves me more than himself, his family, his friends, his every thing. The problem is that...He's not a man. He is just an insecure little boy still. I cannot get this through to him because he thinks that just because he is older than me by a year or two, he is more mature. I've figured out that I am simply too young for such a serious relationship and that I can't see us together even in the future because we aren't meant for each other, no matter how much he still wants us to be together forever. I've tried to break up with him once before, but he almost killed himself and his family got involved. I don't know how to break up with him because I'm really not satisfied at all with this relationship...But I couldn't live with making him commit suicide. Help?

the no contact rule is my hardest issue.

i am in love with a guy who loves me more than himself.the problem in between us is his family is not satisfiedin our relation.they dont want us to get married.they tried hard to discourage us from this love.and finally they done something hard. without his permission the found someone whom they think that she will be a perfect match for him.the family loves that new girl very much but they dont even wants to hear my name when we came to know that his family done this. we got very upset because. we need everyones support.love and so. when he heard about his engagement with that girl he was really sad. but i know his charector well. when he is sad he shows is sadness as anger. like ways he said to his mom that he need no one other than me.then his sister talked with me and said they dont love our relation and we must break this for that lovely mom. i was really shocked and i am sure i cant forget him.i was really upset . because i have no one to share my prblms. and when my mom sees my sadness she is crying without knowing what is my prblm.
the next day he didnt called he didnt msg me. i was really sad. i sent him msg that cal me other wise i will die. ten he msged me that " i need my mom she is in hospital and she is in a serious condition".i thought that he will hate me because because of me his mom was sick.But he didnt. he called me nite and cried .he said that everyone is angry with him. when he calls no one is attending the cal so and so.that time i thought he need his mom's love and care more than mine. so i said him " hate me stupid and leave me alone". he cried again and said " i done all this for you and u r saying me to hate you. i thought that i must help him.i said him all about mom's love. said him about every one happiness. but he was till saying " i cant live without you heart" . i will die if i losed u.
i wana give back all the happiness which that family losed??? help me please

i think everyone should take their time off. all the three of you. stop the engagement and no contact with each other for months. let everything cool off first. love will always last and will always find its way and will always win. real love wouldnt die with time. when things are calm, then you can resume the relationship. but both of you must agree with this idea. you must be able to communicate well about this and remember when both of you take the time off, dont contact each other. parents especially mother cant accept the fact that her son love another woman more than her thats why she's jealous for the fact that she no longer is dominant in her son's life. but marriage is not a play thing. its his future and life. so he must decide it for himself. he need to bond with his mother, especially make her fully understand that she is important and always important to him. your role here is not to separate a mother and a son but to be the patience one. the key is, get the mother and you can get the son. all this can be done with time as she's still in shock over her son's crazy love feelings for you. do not let him hate you. and do not do foolish things that you'll regret. be wise... and you'll win. all the best.

I have been in a relationship for 9 years with my ex just broke it off about a week ago, We have a 7 year old son together and I feel like the realtionship is going nowhere. I am a full time working mom as well as a girlfriend, and a maid. I do everything in the house from cleaning to cooking to paying the bills where he gives his "half" in. He owes alot of money out in debt as well as child support from previous marriage and cant work because he says he will be working for nothing. Because of that he applied for welfare and SSI saying his shoulder is messed up from a car he got hit by years ago broke his shoulder. He rarely ever spends time with our son, I am always running around like a lunatic and the best is we cant get married in church because he was already married. I thought I could show him a better life then what a nutt family he came from( his family is crazy) and i thought if he loved me and his son he would get a job, claim bankrupcy and get the ball moving, but he hasnt. He has tried to get around each and every way except climb over. I am lost for words, i feel horribly guilty, upset and i miss him dearly. I want to call him, tell him i love him and just want eveything to be ok. But in my heart i know it wont. Nothing has changed in all the years. I am 27 and he is 36. Please give some advice. I feel like i made the right choice but it hurts and i dont know why. I thought when you love someone you accept them for whatever reason? Does that mean support them if they dont want to do the right thing? He wont stop begging me to come back home telling me he loves me and he dont want to be with anyone else. please help.

It sounds like you've done the right thing, and now that you've done it, for goodness' sake don't go back on it! I am a child of divorced parents, still messed up by their divorce, 15 years later. I don't blame my parents for splitting up, but I wish they had behaved better. Some advice: never treat your child like a thing to be fought over. Never badmouth your ex to your child; that's his father you're talking about.

I'm sorry for you, it must be very hard for all involved, but I'll say again that it sounds like you've made the right decision, and I hope things pick up for you.

Please help me,I am a 25 year Male,I have a problem with my gf of 2.5 years.The problem here is that Iam a graduate with a degree and she didnt even complete matric and she has a kid of 5 years.I love her and I miss her when she is not around and she love me a lot aswell,what makes us not link is that we dont share the same interests as she doesnt work nor study,she only stays at home doing nothing and she will always insist that I should help her with money for clothes,comestics etc.
I try to do that but Iam loosing my patience as she keeps demanding more,I tired to convince to find a job but since she is not that educated its unlikely that she can get a job,worse part my family criticize my affair,they say she is not right for me since she has a kid and not educated.
I once tried to break up with her but she cries and reminds me all the times we had together,which makes me feel sad and guilty but the trouth is that I donot see a future between us,If I merry her she will depend on me for her entire life and its not nice,If ever I may loose my job that means our kids will have to starve and our family will get apart.
I realy dont know what to do,I love her but I cant provide everything for her.

Don't let her make you feel guilty. Your relationship may or may not have potential, but you need to put your foot down. You don't have to be a dick about it.. you are not being a dick by telling her no. Do not give her more money. This will be a difficult transition, as it will force her to get work. Unless she is doing something in return, like cooking for you, cleaning, whatever you need done... it is not a fair trade. She will not like it... but in the long run, she will. Different interests are not always a reason to break up. The important thing is that you have some things in common that you enjoy doing. Even one or two things. Make something up. Start a new hobby. She can totally be an individual as can you. You wouldn't like it if she asked you to chill out on the books, just the same as she wouldn't like it if you asked her to read more. There is no harm in asking once- like it would be cool if we could read together or something. She is probably just a little intimidated. Never base your decisions on guilt. Do you love her? Do YOU want to be with her? If not, you are doing her more harm than good by staying.. it only feeds the situation. If you love her, find something to do with her that you enjoy. Take one day at a time, and don't worry about marriage. If it's right, it it will fall into place. If it isn't, you need to make a change.

I have been in a relationship with my man on and off for the past 2 years. We saw eachother after many years, we were neighbours as kids and I adored and worshipped him as a kid. His wife passed away and left him with 4 kids under 15yo.
We were both in a vulnerable position, but wanted to try and make things work. Things were getting really hard for me and I felt that he was not appreciative and just wanted a replacement for his wife. The kids are a handful, his sister was helping out before we got together and she just left because she couldnt handle his temper and the kids behaviour. I left him on Christmas Day last year and he was devasted and wanted to try again. I didnt move back, but we tried to sort things out. Then I noticed that he started getting text messages from dating sites and had chat line charges on his cell bill. Other times he was lying as to where he was. Then I noticed changes in his grooming and confronted him. He also has some drug and anger issues. We are trying again, but I just dont trust him, and feel that he wants to just use me for his kids, to help him out. I love him, but I am getting really tired and resentful. He seems to burden me with his kids and his financial problems, and not consider that I have my own daughter and family and firends which he doesnt want me to be part of. He is too demanding from me and I feel that I am not getting anything out of this relationship.
Help me

What if the answer was yes to most of those questions?

I have been in a live in relationship with Randy for almost two years. He has always been fun and sweet but he has a big flaw, He is a flirt and he has cheated on me. He cheats online in web-cam sites and I have caught him so many times he lies about it even after I have caught him. He always turns it around and states you are just to jealous. I just want trust and honest in this relationship , however I know that is never going to happen. He has been out of work now for a year and all he does is sit on the computer while I work and struggle to pay the bills. Last night we had a hugh fight and he said some really awful things to me. I was raped right after we got together by a massage theraptist in the town where we live. I reported it to the police as he hurt me pretty bad. I have been waiting to go to court for two years now but they keep changing the date. This has caused me so much pain. I thought that Randy was supportive of me and then last night he said during our fight that I am the one with the problem because I went to his house for a massage and took off my clothes and there fore it must be my fault. I just wanted to die when those words came out of his mouth. I feel so betrayed and I told him to leave and that it is over. He left for about 30 minutes but then came back he says he has no where to go. I cannot forgive him for this and I don't want to continue this relationship. I know him and he will stay as long as I let him and pout and say that what he said was not what I heard and I just took it wrong. I am in cousling for the rape as I have had so many moments of depression. Your information here is helpful but I feel guilty kicking him out. But for my own sanity I need him to go.

I think this guy is just an asshole. If you have caught him lying so many times and he denies it every time, I think you should break up with him. Trust and honesty are very important in a relationship. He doesn't even support you emotionally. He does not seem to appreciate the things that you do for him. You could do so much better than this guy. Best thing to do is to dump him and kick him out.

thank u so much

I have been very angry because I wanted to break up and we decided to but the man kept on communicating as if nothing had happened and then slept with me twice more. He said he wasn't going to go out with anyone especially the womena he had been interested in that caused me to want to break up with him. Finally he put up on facebook that he was with her!
I am now never wanting to see him again and have not and today after 4 weeks away finally started feeling I liked myself a bit for the first time of 2 years. I hope I will not feel angry with him for ever but it feels like it now.

i live with my partner and his kids, he is not the person i thought he was and his kids are destorying my kids lives, they are destructive, rude and nasty, it is my house but i know he has no where else to go , i dont know what to do

Kick him to the curb! People change and he put on his best disguise to reel you in so he can be on easy street. A place for him and his kids. He's taking advantage of you. You deserve better than that! If not for you, do it for your kids sake honey.

After two years ive realized....ive only been happy for 2 months. This feels like the desicion of my life. Two paths.I already know what i want...thanks for the steps

Wonderful read! it is so difficult to break up with someone long-term who you still have such a heart for. You offered up some great advice and suggestions to keep my sanity without feeling cold-hearted.

Thank you for your assistance.

I understand im in the same boat i still love him and had two of his kids a 7 year relationship gone to waste

i been wit my girl for 3 years and i know that shes not gud for me i really dont wanna b wit her cuz the way she is wit me i do everything for her i give her tha world nd all she do iz treat me like shyt i dont know wut to do from here i really do want to move on itz jus so hard wut should i do

i found this man,he is so sweet but sometimes asks me alot of questions. i don't trust him because he hangs out with other girls. He takes time to be with me,but when I'm sick he acts weird like he don't care and wont talk to me.

Needed this. Thanks.

Sounds like my son. Honey, just tell her you can't deal with her drinking anymore and move on....life is way to short. Be honest, she may not like it but just maybe it will help her in the long run. As far as the rent her parents will help her until she can figure something else out.
Mom

He sounds controlling and it never gets better. You accept him for who he is and he must return that or respect for your individuality doesn't exsist.
If you want to do something that is not illegal or stupid and simply a matter of taste (like sports or clothes) it is you and if he loves you he will respect that.
Aretha Franklin had it right R-E-S-P-E-C-T

hi I need advice... my bf is like a best mate aswell as a bf it's amazing we've been together for a couple of months and we get on so well. I'm great friends with his friends and he's my best friends best friend so it's all very close. there's a problem though. I don't fancy him anymore but I need him in a way cos I'm now prefering the 'best friend' side but I don't no what to do! if I break with him it will ruin everything and we'll no longer have our friendship group and i'll be responsible for ruining everything :S help please!! should I stay with him even tho I don't fancy him? or should I break up with him nd ruin everything??

Here's my rule:

If we break up we'll have no contact for *double* the time we've gone out, minimum 6 months, maximum 2 years.

Feel free to email me in 48 months ;-)

I'm in a pretty similar situation to Gary I think. I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 3 years and in many ways she is the perfect girlfriend. Without being big-headed, she absolutely adores me (she loves me far more than I love her, and she knows it), is always doing things for me and tells me that she loves me about 20 times a day.

For a long while I've been thinking that I might not be in love with her any more though. I enjoy her company and miss her when she's not around, but I don't feel any spark when I look at her. I'm becoming less physically attracted to her, and our sex life has gone downhill. We don't have many common interests - all we ever seem to do together these days is sit and watch TV. It's a bit of a rut.

She also has some deep-seated psychological issues - problems with depression and drink which have caused us to separate in the past. She puts a brave face on, but I've always got this feeling that it's only a matter of time before something goes wrong again. Even if it doesn't, I can't get that thought out of my head. I know that breaking up would absolutely devastate her, mainly because it would be pretty out of the blue, and she hasn't really done anything wrong (although she clearly senses that I am not 100% happy). I actually worry about her mental state if I were to do it.

She is always talking about our future - she sees marriage and a house and kids and pets etc., but I just can't see myself doing all that with her, and the sad thing is that I don't think I've ever been happy with the idea. Thing is, I actually don't know if that's because I don't want to be with her, or I am scared of commitment in general. Would it be any different with someone else? The grass isn't always greener I suppose.

The thing is, I'm 28, but she is my first real serious "adult" relationship. Part of me is not sure whether I fell in love with her for who she is or was just happy to be with someone who loved me after a long time single.

A few days ago I happened to meet a girl when out with friends and we clicked and seemed to get on great straight away. She is gorgeous and a real sweetheart, and seems to be very keen on me. I haven't yet contacted her, because I know if I do so then that's the end of my current relationship. Basically meeting this girl might be the catalyst that I needed to force my hand and get out of my current relationship. Or it could be something that forces me to make a hasty decision that I may regret later.

The thing that worries me is the whole "you don't know what you've got until it's gone" idea... This is primarily because I haven't been in many relationships, so I don't know if what I've got is as good as I'm going to find. We have a great rapport and I can really be myself with her, but then that might also be the case with another girl, I just don't know. I don't want to break up and then realise it was the biggest mistake of my life because she was the one for me.

I am truly at a loss as to whether or not I should break up with my girlfriend of about 3.5 years. I enjoy doing things with her and am still attracted to her. The physical part of our relationship is very nice. I certainly want to spend tomorrow with her, I am just not certain if I want to spend the rest of my life with her. There are some problems. I do not like her family and feel very out of place around them. It's to the point where, if we were to have kinds, I would not want any of her relatives around. In addition, my GF and I are both somewhat sarcastic and I think have problems with depression. There have been many times when we've been hanging out and she has a big frown on her face. I ask her "what's wrong?" She says "nothing." Which is true, she can just be a glum person.

Looking back, the people that I am most attracted to have always been chipper and outgoing. I guess it's an opposites attract sort of thing: I want someone else to provide that little spark of enthusiasm and then I can join in. I just find that I cannot be the one to create that feeling of excitement.

Two years ago, the woman that prepared my taxes flirted with me a whole bunch while she we were going through the tax prep together. When we were done I left and within a few moments knew that I was head over heels in love with the Tax Prep woman. I didn't act on it because of my girlfriend. A year passed and I decided that I needed to follow my heart. The Tax Prep woman said that she wanted to get coffee with me. She then mentioned that she had a long-distance but long-term boyfriend. I said that I had a girlfriend. "On again, off again?" she asked.

I responded with the truth: "Staying with her could be the biggest mistake of my life, not staying with her could be the biggest mistake of my life." Long story short Tax Prep woman declined my invitations to hang out later.

I've felt annoyed in my relationship since then. But I know that I depend on it. I do not have many friends and I truly like doing things with my girlfriend and making love to her.

We had a big fight last Friday, and afterwards I expressed my uncertainty about our relationship. Last night I went out and met another couple. I had a good time hanging out with them and having drinks. I was also excited to be out and about and felt ready to mingle with other women. This morning I really missed my girlfriend, and honestly, still want to go out and do things with her.

I just don't know what to do or say or think.......

Gary,

It looks like you should talk to your girlfriend and express your needs. Give her a change to react upon it before you quit emotionally, you would regret it.

This is a mistake especially men make very often: They feel something is missing and start looking elsewhere for it. BUT, what there are looking for is very often already there, one must only recover it.

Do you have a strong man in your life that can assist you when you confront him? An Uncle, brother, cousin with a car that can help him load his possessions into HIS car and take him away then return and change the locks? If not get an Order of Protection, pack his stuff and drop it off at his Mother's you know where she lives....DO NOT TAKE ABUSE. Contact Battered Women for advise and assistance in your decision.

I want so badly out of a four-year hellishly volatile relationship. We argue every other day, but he is so controlling and so needy, it's hard to even get away from him for a second unless it's to go to work. He smothers me... He keeps my car on a daily basis...and everything that I need to do, or places I may want to go get swept under the rug... He always feels that he has to drive me to wherever I need to go. Before we were together, I had time to myself just to do things I like...even if it's just to go and do a little shopping. Since I've been with him, my wardrobe has fallen off , and all the other things I used to enjoy that made ME - ME... I find I I'm always going by his schedule, riding here or there because he doesn't seem to want the car to leave his eyesight...He has to be wherever the car is... I have to ask him to stop by so that I can run in and quickly shop...It has to be a specific place as if I'm on some type of strict itinerary... I can't enjoy life any more. I'm MISERABLE... We argue about everything, and he always threatens to leave... Packs up his things but he never leaves... He packs up at least one to three times out of a month...and it leaves our apartment dissheveled... I'm tired of it. He doesn't work, and when I get home from work, the house is still in the sad state that it was when I left it. He leaves in the daytime as if he's a visitor and roams around doing lord knows what all day long...until I get off work. He doesn't pick up anything, but has the nerves to complain about what I need to do when I get home...I get off at about 6, and he's hardly ever on time to pick me up...and when he finally does, he wants to ride to see his mother on the other side of town almost daily...stay for an hour or two, and ride other miscellaneous places for what - - I don't know... and when we finally get home, it's close to 10 or way past... By then I'm tired...and he's expecting a homecooked meal and for me to clean up the entire house that he somehow neglected to clean up ALL DAY LONG while I was working. I never get to spend time with my family or friends because on Saturday mornings when I am off, he'll jump up and try to beat me out of the house. He'll take off and stay gone most of the day if not all of the day...leaving me inside the house... His excuse always is that he's looking for work. Yeah right. I'm sick of it... When the subject of breaking up comes up, and I mean seriously comes up, he gets violent, and does things like ask me to take him and all his things someplace. When we get there he will just sit in the car, refusing to get out, while hurling all sorts of insults at me, and calling me names until I get pissed off. An argument ensues, and almost certainly a physical confrontation will follow. After I've been battered, and he's wrestled my phone away from me to keep me from calling the police, he'll try to apologize... and then want to go back to home and make up... By this time, hours and hours will have gone by, and I'm just ready to go home and go to bed. It doesn't matter to him if I need to be at work in the morning, he will keep me up fighting until the wee hours of the morning... At the time it just seems easier to throw in the towel and go along with it, but I know for a fact that I need to find some kind of way to get rid of him... :-( I have never been in a situation like this. I have even thought about just leaving, if I ever get his ass out of my car... Just leave and never come back... The problem is, my furniture and all my things remain inside the apartment... How do I get rid of this deadbeat?

Get a protective order against him, and have him escorted out.

They don't always survive it, and you are left grieving a loved one with feelings of guilt and never being able to date again without fear. And if you finally seek comfort with someone, forget about the courage to end it with them. What do I do now? just marry him for lack of a better option?
I know, I know, it can't be all my fault that He threw away His entire life, His entire wonderful self, but shouldn't I have seen it? Couldn't I have stopped it? He would have stayed for me. He had never felt love like that before, and didn't believe He would find it again. I thought we could find better fits, and even be best friends throughout life. I imagined telling Him girls were not good enough for Him, or loving His spunky, playful, artistic girl, seeing them happy without the problems we had. I never imagined what He later did, now its all I see.
So the current guy, sweet, too old, lovable, not as emotionally stable as I first thought, not someone I am in love with anymore, not someone I respect enough anymore, someone I still love, so I just sit with him? Even if I thought he wouldn't hurt himself (permanently at least) could I leave him to be alone? People stay alone here, just getting older, as years go by. There are more men here than women and he is passive. A friend I went out with as a teen is still single, no serious relationships thus far. How do I abandon him? He helped me hide from the world, for nearly a year, but I don't want to hide anymore, I am fading away. He doesn't seem to realize, he never met the person I was before, he doesn't expect much of anything from me, except cuddles, chatting, zoning out to tv.
Considering what is left of me, I didn't really survive it the first time, what do I do if it happens again?
No matter how I obsess over the idea, I will never do to my friends and family what He did to us, so what is left? Fade away?

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. Within the two years of us being together, a few skeletons have come out his closet. For example, within the first 3 months of us dating I found out that his baby mother was 7 months pregnant while. Of course he claimed their relationship was over when he met me, but over the past year, i have been harassed by her and found out they were taking family pictures together. You would think that would be enough for me to leave him alone, but I stayed. Now that it has been almost 2 years, i am so bored. He never takes me out, the only time we spend together is in my bed. I know i need to leave him alone because now he is getting in the habit of asking me for money and i am collecting unemployment. So my question is how do i end this? I try to stay away, but he pops up over my house, he blows my phone up when i try to duck his calls, when i tell him its over, he tells me we will never be over. I dont think he is crazy enough to hurt me or stalk me or anything like that but i do know he is in love with me and he cant handle me being with someone else. How do i handle this????

Thank you so much this really helps as I have been unhappy for some time
now. But it is still hard as I gave up everythink and everyone x

my boyfriend is a great guy and there is really nothing to complain about in our relationship..he pays for me at restaurants, hes sweet, hes nice to me and my friends, hes bilingual, you know. what more could i ask for. i was crazy in love with him but suddenly my love for him went on a sharp decline. yesterday i was with him and a group of friends and my god he was annoying as fuck. he wouldnt sop picking me up and his jokes and the way he talks was suddenly really putting me off. he wouldnt stop literally clinging to me! i dont know how to make him understaaand that i dont love him anymore im not even sure if i can go through with dumping him what do i do??!!??!

i think its really hard to break up with someone you really love according to me i feel that have to break up with the guy i love because i feel that he only wants me to have sex and feel good ...
so im gona make him choose between me and those things to see if he really loves me..
so what do u think about it i see that its a big problem!!!

@Jaelyn - Personally, it sounds like you're not ready to share your life with any particular person. You like the "single" life.

This statement in the article Im sure is true in some cases, but after my 19 year abusive relationship it wasn't. "But the fact that it is also very difficult to be the one who actually leaves is something you only know if you have experienced it." It was the happiest day of my life, that I was actually strong enough to leave, finances were an issue, but I had hope and strength to leave. I often think back to being with him, and even in my mind can't stand it and run away as fast as possible. The mental abuse was horrific. I'd rather starve to death then be near him again.

@Laura - It doesn't sound like you boyfriends heart is in the relationship. I'm sorry for your situation, but only you can really answer the question of if you want to continue living this way or not. The blame game is a comman one, you say he doesn't do enough, he says you don't do enough, been there done that.. I would suggest cutting back on college courses and perhaps getting a part time job to pay for child care, as he's the father he would also need to help support the child, as long as he didn't try/get them as custodial parent in court, as mine did with lies... another option is that the father still babysits but you don't live together.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 9 years now, off and on. In the beginning it was great, we did everything together. Then I guess I matured and he hasn't. He was more involved in "college life", for lack of a better term. He partied a lot, went out a lot, while I kept my nose in books trying to better my life. Then I ended up pregnant and we moved in together. Things got better at first, he was always there, stopped partying, etc. But after our son was born, he started to lapse back into those ways. I don't get help around the house. I do the cleaning, laundry, practically everything. I go to school full-time to get my PhD, and he does stay home to watch our son so we don't have to worry about daycare. But, am I wrong to expect a little help? Everytime I bring it up he says he wants help from me too. But I clean up everytime. After our son goes to sleep he goes out with his friends, whom Im not all too thrilled about. My boyfriend used to have ambitions in life, go to college and get a degree to be a teacher. Then he lost all that. I've come to realize that I've grown up and he hasn't, and I can't stay in a relationship where I take care of two children, when one doesnt have to be a child. However, I dont know what to do? We are very far from any family, and I am concerned about my son and what will happen to him. I go to school full-time and its hard to afford much on student loans. My schedule really doesn't allow me to work. But I don't want to stay in a relationship just for free childcare. I know that isn't fair. I need some suggestion and some help. I dont know what to do or how to go about it. Everything's harder when a child is involved.

Bravo! Bravo! A strong woman with goals and insight. Find the quality inexpensive daycare you are looking for by seeking out every avenue. I know it is a struggle but the light is at the end of the tunnel. Hug yourself woman you deserve it!
There are so many loans grants and things available to you reach out and take advantage of these things. They were not there when I was in college and my generation of women worked hard to clear the road for your generation...you do us proud. Applause.....

@Ms. Barbie -
Ms. Barbie,
Reading your comment made me wonder why you are hanging on. You are like most women, we hang on to the dream and refuse to face the reality. His present is the reality not the past and certainly not the future. I waited far too many years for a man I knew was a liar. Guess what all that love and faithfulness rewarded me with.....another set of lies.
Having wasted far too much time and energy on a man that showed me by action that he was a liar I decided to end the realtionship and he refused to go away. I listened to the I love you's and watching TV the other day I heard a quote from Maya Angelou, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time" . I heard that and realized I never gave him the credit he deserved from the begining of the relationship. He showed me who he was A LIAR and I refused to believe him the first second third....thousandth time but the last two days I decided to believe him...he is a liar he will always be a liar and everything he says to me is a liar's words. Listen to this man he changed his mind and only absence makes the heart grow fonder so instead of hanging on leave and let him be.