How To Break Up With Somebody In 7 Steps

by Eddie Corbano
109

6. Give an opportunity for closure

When you break up with someone, that person often remains in a state of shock for several days. Often he/she cannot remember what was said during the break up, let alone understand the causes or your reasons that led to it. In this case he/she will seek for closure.

Here is a definition of the term “closure”:

In psychology, closure may refer to the state of experiencing an emotional conclusion to a difficult life event, such as the breakdown of a close interpersonal relationship or the death of loved one.

By closure I mean a resolving conversation about the reasons for the relationship break up and an opportunity to say goodbye.

After a few days (not longer) offer a dialog, a conversation where you can discuss your reasons for the break up and why you think that your relationship has been going nowhere. Often they will ask for it for themselves.

You will encounter a lot of resistance and arguments here, but that is why I asked you to make that list in step two.

Remember, the goal is not to make the other person understand, he/she will not, no matter what you say.

Understanding will not come before a period of time. Your goal is to give the feeling of an ending and a goodbye.

Try to emphasize the feeling of goodbye by wishing all your best for his/her life and deliberately leading to a parting.

This will not be easy for you, because the person is still close to your heart.

Remember: stay strong. This is important.

7. Help them with no contact

The “no contact rule” is one of the most important premises for healing from a break up.

But sometimes the urge to call or meet is so strong that many can’t resist.

Help them with this.

Do not go to places where you might meet. If they call or email you, keep the response short and non-personal. Never call, email or text message first, not even to ask how they’re feeling.

Most of the time the one who breaks up has to learn as well that it is definitely over. By following the no contact rule you help yourself and your ex-partner.

Now you have a list with 7 steps on how to break up with someone. They will make the difficult task easier for both parties.

I know that the whole process is very difficult, but please keep in mind that a broken relationship is a deadlock. Not only that it’s stopping you from living a fulfilling love life, but it also can harm you self-esteem and confidence. Not to speak about your happiness.

Once you have made the decision, act upon it.

After you have accomplished this arduous task, you are one step closer to happiness.

I promise.

All the best,

Eddie Corbano

(Graphic made be Eddie Corbano, © all rights reserved)

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My Recommendation For Further Reading:

About The Author:

Eddie Corbano is a breakup-coach, relationship-advisor and founder of LovesAGame. He suffered from a devastating break up in 1998. Since then, he dedicated his life to helping others getting the best of this existential experience. The overcoming of a break up is an important step to autonomy and independency. Eddie Corbano developed some new coaching programs, which focus on evolving inner strength and the power to set and reach any personal goal. (Article written on September 10th, 2007)
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Category: Breaking Up
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109 Responses to “How To Break Up With Somebody In 7 Steps”

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tom 10-10-2009

I have gone out with my girlfriend for just over two years. The last several months have been flat, we have been drifting apart literally. She has an alcohol problem that always resulted in a fight whenever i brought it up. It is only recently when I mentioned breaking up that she admitted to it and even promised to get help. She didn’t. Of course I am not a saint either.

Lately we have been fighting over all sorts of issues, and she has even started being disrespectful and almost verbally abusive, especially when drunk. The more I think about it, the more I feel that the chance for long-term happiness in this relationship is too small to invest further. I therefore want out and I have brought it up with her, but she insisted on giving it a final chance but we never even got started on the actions we had agreed on.

The issue I have is that she moved in almost a year ago. She cannot afford the rent by herself so she would have to move out. In addition to the break up she would have to deal with looking for a house and moving. What would be a sensitive way to handle this? Is there a ’sensitive’ way? I was thinking about moving out for about a week to help her gather her thoughts and plans together. Is this good enough?

cjniya 10-10-2009

Exchanges take place between people’s characteristics, don’t they? Some people with high age and lots passion still enjoy every new thing in their life, while some young people just are the diehard and refuse to change their mind to accept the new things.
Believe it or not, one young man I know lists all the exciting things on the forbidden list. He doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, and even doesn’t take part in the crazy party. All he likes to do is reading or taking part in some normal conferences. He even collects things he brought back from conferences. There are thirty rubber wristbands, twelve ID cards and even some strange hats used in the conference—- Jesus, what kind of conferences they are? —- in his collection. He is kind of bookish. But unfortunately, he is my boyfriend. Besides the old diehard things, he is a nice man. He cares about the family, cares about his friends, and the most important thing is we love each other. For the love’s sake, I could bear all the things for him. But when I am tired, I think may be I should give up him.
He is a nice guy, he could cook meals and he is a good cook. But he refuses all the new style of dishes; he only cooks what he wants to eat. He could be a good athlete, but he plays football only and considers the basketball game as the one for giant nuts. For showing his attitude, he forbids me to take part in the cheer leader audition. He even does not like me to wear the short skirts or short dresses. With the consideration of these actions as the proof of love, I keep myself staying beside him. But this insisting made me crazy and tired, should I leave?

Rich Baum, Jr. 11-13-2009

Great article. Thanks. Will keep the link for reference.

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