Sometimes when experiencing a break-up, it feels like you were completely and utterly NOT prepared for what hit you.
It might not only be the fact that it may have come out of the blue for you, but also this inevitable truth of LOSS that is so hard to handle with the things you’ve learned so far in life.
Many of you will have experiences already with forms of loss in your lives, but have they prepared you for the one you are suffering from now?
The one thing I’m sure nobody prepared you for is the fact that you may be addicted to your Ex.
What does it really mean to be addicted to your Ex?
An addiction is per definition:
“a persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful, characterized by well-defined physiological, (here psychological), symptoms upon withdrawal”
In our case – whether we acknowledge that or not – the harmful substance is our Ex.
And there’s exactly the rub.
That we successfully ignore and refuse to believe that our Ex is harmful to us and to our healing process.
In your recovery, the problem can never be the solution simultaneously. [tweet this]
But this is exactly where we lie to ourselves, believing and hoping that our Ex is the way out of our suffering.
Unfortunately,this is so far from the truth.
So what the hell happened to us?
A study published in the Journal of Neurophysiology reveals that romantic rejection triggers the same areas in the brain as an addiction.
Researchers used modern diagnostic tools to record the brain activity of participants in a study who had gone through a break-up recently. The participants described themselves as “absolutely and very intensely in love”.
The results of the study were clear and somewhat disturbing.
“The evidence is clear that the passion of romantic love is a goal-oriented motivation state, not a specific emotion. There’s a whole pathway that when you are rejected becomes activated just as it does with nicotine cravings or alcohol. These areas are associated with physical pain and decision-making. If you’ve been rejected, you’re in pain, craving this person, trying to figure out what’s going on. You crave the person who dumped you, you go through withdrawal, you can relapse, and cravings can be sparked months after you think you’ve gotten over it.” (Researcher Helen E. Fisher, source).
What this actually means, non-scientifically speaking, is that you’ve associated your Ex’s love with pleasure and happiness. This got wired into your brain, and now you are convinced there is NO happiness without your Ex.
I understand how that happens. I’ve been there.
That is why we stalk, (especially “Facebook-Stalk”), harass and terrorize our Ex. We desperately want the drug so we can be happy again.
I remember vividly how that actually felt back then. This gut-wrenching feeling that there is a hole in your soul that cannot be filled… yet you try and try.
How To Break the Ex-Addiction
What you have to do, basically, is to re-wire you brain.
This means that step-by-step, you have to disassociate your Ex from the notion of security, happiness and fulfillment.
“Your Ex is NOT responsible for your happiness,” so my distant relative told me many years ago, and my recovery exploded.
Don’t try to ignore or shut off your emotions, because you can’t. Accept them as a part of your Ex-Withdrawal, as part of your recovery.
You MUST go through the pain, it’s one of the most important aspects of your healing.
Of course, to break the Ex-Addiction, you must follow the No-Contact Rule. This is absolutely essential.
You can’t withdraw from a drug by consuming the drug. It’s simply not possible.
With time, dedication and discipline you slowly shift your focus from your Ex to yourself.
Because the biggest benefit of your recovery is the self-knowledge that you gain. Finding out who your really are.
And this knowledge – if done right – will enable you to enter future relationships:
- in a more confident and stronger way
- making sure your needs are met
- eliminating all the partners that are bad for you beforehand
- attracting only the ones that are good for you
- bullet-proofing your heart from future break-up
This has been my mission to help you with since 2005, (in my coaching and in my home-study version the ExDetoxSystem).
I want you to recognize the opportunity this insanity has. I want you to acknowledge that your Ex isn’t the solution, and that getting them back won’t heal you.
I want you to WANT to get better in every possible way.
If you look at me, this break-up was the best thing that happened to me. I excelled in every aspect once I realized the potential that lied in this opportunity.
If you knew me back then, you wouldn’t recognize me now.
I want for you to go through the same process I went through, and come out of it as confident and strong as I did.
Is your Ex-Addiction treatable?
But you have to WANT it, and you have to TAKE the right steps.
What do YOU think? Are you addicted to your Ex? Please share in the comment-section below.