Break Up and Divorce Signs That You May Be Addicted To Your Ex

Signs That You May Be Addicted To Your Ex

Sometimes when experiencing a breakup, it feels like you were completely and utterly NOT prepared for what hit you.

It might not only be the fact that it may have come out of the blue for you, but also this undeniable truth of LOSS that is so hard to handle with the things you've learned so far in life.

Many of you will have experiences already with forms of loss in your lives, but have they prepared you for the one you are suffering from now?

The one thing I'm sure nobody prepared you for is the fact that you may be addicted to your Ex.

What does it really mean to be addicted to your Ex?

Addiction is per definition:

“A persistent compulsive use of a substance known by the user to be harmful, characterized by well-defined physiological, (here psychological), symptoms upon withdrawal.”

In our case – whether we acknowledge that or not – the harmful substance is our Ex.

And there's precisely the rub.

That we successfully ignore and refuse to believe that our Ex is harmful to us and our healing process.

In your recovery, the problem can never be the solution simultaneously. Click to Tweet

But this is where we lie to ourselves, believing and hoping that our Ex is the way out of our suffering.

Still thinking about your Ex? Click here to take the test to learn how long it takes to heal... and how you can speed up the process.

Unfortunately, this is so far from the truth.

(MORE: 7 Reasons Why You Should NOT Want Your Ex Back)

So what the hell happened to us?

A study published in the Journal of Neurophysiology reveals that romantic rejection triggers the same areas of the brain as an addiction.

Researchers used modern diagnostic tools to record the brain activity of participants in a study who had gone through a break-up recently. The participants described themselves as “absolutely and very intensely in love.”

The results of the study were clear and somewhat disturbing.

“The evidence is clear that the passion of romantic love is a goal-oriented motivation state, not a specific emotion. There's a whole pathway that when you are rejected becomes activated just as it does with nicotine cravings or alcohol. These areas are associated with physical pain and decision-making. If you've been rejected, you're in pain, craving this person, trying to figure out what's going on. You crave the person who dumped you, you go through withdrawal, you can relapse, and cravings can be sparked months after you think you've gotten over it.” (Researcher Helen E. Fisher, source).

What this actually means, non-scientifically speaking, is that you've associated your Ex's love with pleasure and happiness. This got wired into your brain, and now you are convinced there is NO happiness without your Ex.

I understand how that happens. I've been there.

That is why we stalk, (especially “Facebook-Stalk”), harass and terrorize our Ex. We desperately want the drug, so we can be happy again.

I remember vividly how that felt back then. This gut-wrenching feeling that there is a hole in your soul that cannot be filled … yet you try and try.

How To Break the Ex-Addiction

What you have to do is to rewire your brain.

This means that step-by-step, you have to disassociate your Ex from the notion of security, happiness, and fulfillment.

“Your Ex is NOT responsible for your happiness,” so my distant relative told me many years ago, and my recovery exploded.

Don't try to ignore or shut off your emotions, because you can't. Accept them as a part of your Ex-Withdrawal, as part of your recovery.

You MUST go through the pain; it's one of the most important aspects of your healing.

Of course, to break the Ex-Addiction, you must follow the No-Contact Rule. This is absolutely essential.

You can't withdraw from a drug by consuming the drug. It's simply not possible.

With time, dedication and discipline you slowly shift your focus from your Ex to yourself.

Because the biggest benefit of your recovery is the self-knowledge that you gain. Finding out who you really are.

And this knowledge – if done right – will enable you to enter future relationships:

  1. in a more confident and stronger way
  2. making sure your needs are met
  3. eliminating all the partners that are bad for you beforehand
  4. attracting only the ones that are good for you
  5. bullet-proofing your heart from future break-up

This has been my mission to help you with since 2005, (in my coaching and in my home-study version the ExDetoxSystem).

I want you to recognize the opportunity this insanity has. I want you to acknowledge that your Ex isn't the solution and that getting them back won't heal you.

I want you to WANT to get better in every possible way.

If you look at me, this break-up was the best thing that happened to me. I excelled in every aspect once I realized the potential that lied in this opportunity.

If you knew me back then, you wouldn't recognize me now.

I want for you to go through the same process I went through, and come out of it as confident and strong as I did.

Is your Ex-Addiction treatable?


But you have to WANT it, and you have to TAKE the right steps.

What do YOU think? Are you addicted to your Ex? Please share in the comment section below.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

  • YOU are right. It is an addiction, and without acknowledgement there is no moving forward. IT HAS BEEN MONTHS I have been trying to end a love affair with a married man and I play this game where I see him every week as he plays music with a group of musicians… I am just being a fool and hurting myself. THANK YOU for the clarity.

  • My friend is hopelessly addicted to his ex/baby mamma.
    His entire life has been on pause for 7 years so far. It’s bad.
    I have tried soooo many different ways to talk him out of her but it’s hopeless. I’ve called her his drug many times.
    When I noticed that his strange, feeble exuses to see her were just like my husband’s alcoholism excuses, I told him he needs to get professional help.
    But it doesn’t work. He doesn’t listen to his psychologist.

    This woman hates his guts, keeps his own daughter away from him for months at a time, then when she needs him, she schmoozes him up and bats her eyelashes knowing he’ll melt like butter at her feet. Then she proceeds to take money from him, use him for everything she needs, and once in a while, she’ll bait him with sex, which is his dream drug from her. She has never lifted a finger for him. She knows she has him right where she needs him. She lives off of him. She mooches and treats him horribly at the same time.
    It’s sickening.
    He won’t give her up. Each time they are together for even a few seconds, he feels better. The needle is in his arm and he’s happy.

    I’ve given up on helping him long ago. He’s going to die alone and penniless from giving her everything and never having love for the rest of his life. It’s really sad. He’s 54 now. He’s a wonderful, caring, loving guy. And the rest of his life will be a waste.

    • That’s really sad to hear that.

      It’s exactly the same as with every other addiction: if the addict doesn’t admit that he has a problem, craves change, and seeks out help, nothing will change. What he needs is a “rock-bottom” experience that might initiate change (as terrible as this sounds).

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