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The Cruelty Of The No Contact Rule

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Everyone who has ever started following the No Contact Rule knows about its relentlessness, even its cruelty sometimes.

But once we understand that the rule is actually there to protect us from even more pain, sorrow and disappointment – once we realize that breaking it means a huge leap backwards in our recovery, following it gets a little bit easier.

But how do we come to such an understanding?

Well, first of all, many of us break the No Contact Rule before the 60 days run out, and experience the devastating consequences.

This often works as a “reset” to get us back on track, and motivates us to finally start the healing process.

Or we simply know and trust that breaking the rule means facing a completely changed Ex, and everything unpleasant that comes with it.

Sometimes the fear of such an experience is simply enough to keep you on track.

I miss you. I can’t call, because it would only hurt me.

I found the above quote on a forum somewhere, and it really touched me deeply. Standing there all on its own, an outcry of a bleeding heart.

The No Contact Rule and all its pitfalls condensed into just a few words.

A No Contact manifest.

Is the rule cruel? Oh yes it is… but it is also just.

Use this quote as a reminder to hang in there, and to NOT contact your Ex. No matter how much you want to.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano


181 Responses to The Cruelty Of The No Contact Rule

  1. Helen July 13, 2013 at 5:19 pm #

    Hello. I have been seeing a man I met on the internet for four years, he will not commit to me and I know sees other women. He tells me he loves me but does not have the capability to commit to one person. We go through periods of being very happy together then he becomes distant and ignores me, I then become insecure and start questioning him about who he has been with or what he has been doing, he becomes very angry with me and we break up and don’t see each other for a while. We miss each other, get back together and the process begins again. I want to end things but I miss him and am always hopeful he will change. Any advice? Should I try no contact? Thank you.

    • Richard July 13, 2013 at 6:30 pm #

      Helen, I really feel for you. I think this phrase says it all: “he will not commit to me.”

      I was dating a girl for six months. We were supposedly in a committed relationship, but I found out she still had her profile active on several dating websites, which completely broke my heart.

      As much as I loved her, I realized she was not playing on the same level as me. I’m “over the hump” on NC (30+ days). Do I still miss her? Yes. Do I still think about her? Every day. BUT–it’s not the same crushing feeling, like you want to cry all the time that it was the first few days after the breakup.

      Helen, in your heart you know what you have to do…

      • Helen July 14, 2013 at 6:03 pm #

        Hi Richard, firstly I thank you for replying to me and I really empathise with your situation. I know you will probably have been told this so many times but she doesn’t deserve you and you deserve to be with someone who treats you with love and respect.
        I don’t know where to start with no contact, if I tell him that I want to break up he ignores me and that drives me crazy, after a few days he will then contact me as if nothing is wrong, I am always so happy to hear from him end up in the same situation, where he is in complete control again.
        I have no idea how to get out of this as after four years im scared to be without him. I’m not young by the way, I’m 47. So I should have more sense by now.

        • Richard July 14, 2013 at 6:38 pm #

          I’ve got you beat, Helen, I’m 56 LOL!

          Ah…wouldn’t it be nice if we could easily separate our hearts from our heads? In my head, I know she wasn’t right for me. My heart, however, tells me something completely different. I’ve never felt such a deep connection with someone–both emotional and physical. I’m the creative type (artist/writer/musician) and she had this wild streak in her that made me fall for her from our very first date.

          It’s been over a month since she dumped me, but there hasn’t been a day that I haven’t thought of her. However, I do have to say that NC is the only way to go. I may wonder where she is, who she’s with, and what she’s doing, but that pales in comparison to actually KNOWING. That would be torture.

          Helen, if you really are serious about moving on, no contact is a MUST.

          • Sue July 16, 2013 at 5:12 am #

            Hi Richard,

            My situation is similar in that my husband left me 6 weeks ago after 9 years. He was younger and from another country. He was wise beyond his years and also an artist and musician. Very popular in his country. I wanted to believe he was the soul mate I was searching for and I still believe that we have so much in common.

            I think of him constantly and am only at the 4 day mark of NC. I am struggling trying to stay busy. What helps me along is to think he is suffering as well. That’s sick but it brings me brought even though it’s not reality. I need constant encouragement to not contact him. Sounds pretty needy but that’s where I am at this point.

            Your words are encouraging and very realistic. I really appreciate everyone on this website. Thanks again for sharing.

        • Phylli July 14, 2013 at 8:11 pm #

          Hi Helen, if it’s any consolation, I was going out with a guy exactly like, he didn’t wanna commit at all. He’d cheat on me and not care if I found out because he knew that I loved him. I know all about trying to break up and getting ignored. He does it because he knows that he’s got total control over you and the relationship.

          It finally got to a point where I realised that I deserve better than what he was offering me, which was nothing. I finally left, and I opted for no contact, it’s been 14 days now and getting stronger. It is hard but you got to learn to look out for number one.

          As long as you know that you deserve better you will eventually get the strength to walk away and not ever look back……..Stay strong.

        • candy September 25, 2014 at 7:45 am #

          Hey Helen,

          I m 33. and I was in a very similar relationship for the last 16 years!!. The guy wouldn’t commit and would ignore me when i said i wanted to break up. and finally two months ago when i was away for a couple of months, he started going around with another girl. this is how he ended the relationship. there were two and a half months when i tried to call him, reason with him, bcoz i thought we were on the verge of marrying. he abused me and humiliated me and said he has never been happy with me. and this after my trying for years to do everything to make him happy.

          Today is day 1 of my NC which i started again, after breaking down and calling him again. I will stick to NC, this time, no matter what. But in retrospect i feel like the relationship had ended years ago, and we were just dragging a corpse along bcoz i didnt have the guts to break up with this a*****e. He, too would be loving one time and cold and punishing at other times.

          Just like you i was scared to be without him. I feel like just because i was scared to be without him, i wasted so many years. really.

          I want to tell you, from what you have written, it sounds very similar to my relationship. and i know from my own experience, that a toxic relationship definitely means that there is some need to look inside us and an opportunity to grow and a find a new you. a beautiful, confident and happy you. or me, for that matter. 🙂 bcoz I am already realizing that I dont need this kind of a person in my life. suddenly a new world has opened for me, with an opportunity to grow.

          Hope you start strict NC. a suggestion – maybe by sending the contact letter that Eddie has put up on the website somewhere.

          Lots of strength to you.

      • CHAU April 28, 2015 at 3:59 pm #

        I meet my bf nearly 5 months ago on dating site, during 4months he was so nice to me so I felt in love with him unconsciously. But the last meeting with him he changed totally his behavior he treated me like a trash then we argued he moved to other country and now I saw him on the dating site where we met. I completely freaked out 3 weeks then he came back saying he loves me, he wants me, he misses me but he contacts me less and keep staying far away from me. I didn’t contact him for 2 days then he texted me after that he kept silence even though I see him online he keeps saying he loves me, wants me, misses me, is busy, keeps in touch with me but silence after. it’s kind of torturing to my heart I know if I come back with him the same issues happen. I can’t accept the fact we are over and keep texting him I don’t want to block him. I put myself in a trap.

    • Sandy August 12, 2014 at 1:20 am #

      For sure try it. This a—– won’t ever commit to you he obviously already lost respect for you cause you kept taking him back.

      Believe me been. There I took finally just make it final and who know if he changes good for him but don’t waste your time waiting for him.

  2. Richard July 16, 2013 at 5:29 am #

    Hello Sue:

    I know where you are at. In those first few awful days after my girlfriend dumped me, trying not to think of her was like trying to sweep water uphill–always a losing battle.

    However, at day 35, things are a little brighter. Tonight I walked to a popular restaurant row near my house and had dinner by myself. I did the same thing a few days after the breakup, and I was a wreck. When I’d see happy couples walking hand-in-hand, I felt like crying. Seeing the restaurants my ex and I went to was unbearable. Tonight…did I still think of her? Yes. Did I still miss her? Yes. BUT–that heavy black cloud of depression that was hovering over me the previous time was gone. Seeing happy couples walking by didn’t bother me–as a matter of fact, eating alone didn’t bother me, either.

    So, it does get better, Sue. There are many helpful people on this website…feel free to post here anytime.

  3. sammie July 18, 2013 at 4:36 am #

    Hello everyone 🙂 It’s 3.03 in boiling London and I can’t sleep. My boyfriend broke up with me via text on Monday afternoon. I had previously broken up with him last week Wednesday and realised I had a made a huge mistake. I had a bad vibe for a couple of weeks but tried to make excuses for his odd behaviour and then just got fed up and ended it. However I thought I might have been a tad impulsive and told him how sorry I was. He told me he was angry and hurt but we should try work on things because he still loved me. However his behaviour was still odd, his texts slowed down and his words weren’t warm. On Sunday we usually have a long chat on the phone but he said he was tired and would only call if he hadn’t fallen asleep. I got pissed off and sent him a text asking him how long he was intending of punishing me for. I got a reply on Monday afternoon where he ended it. He said his feelings had changed and doesn’t want a relationship with me or anyone else. He said he was sorry for making me suffer and that I was a wonderful person. He also said he knew he was breaking my heart and that he was sorry. It was a 2 part text and my reply was ‘Ok’. I then deleted every connection, picture, gifts and material memories I had of him. I have cried, talked to my friends about my heart break, can’t eat, can’t sleep and feel so down….but…the NO CONTACT rule is helping!!! Having no contact with the man who loved me, promised me a future, introduced me to his son and treated me like a princess, is hard. But it’s working. I am not doing this to get him back, I could never be with someone who gave up on our dreams and future, I’m doing it for ME!!! Yeah I have bad moments and I cry a lot of the time, but I’m fixing myself not the relationship he chose to throw away. Please use the NO CONTACT rule for yourself, as part of the healing process and not to get you ex back. This site has helped me breathe again and yeah there will be bad days but I won’t let his decision crush me and by having no news from him is actually a relief. Be strong and have faith in yourself. Only you can make the NO CONTACT rule work, Good luck 🙂

    • Colin July 18, 2013 at 10:19 pm #


      You’re in a much better mindset that I was over 7 months ago just after the sudden break-up with my girlfriend of 3 years, and even in a better mindset than I was just a couple months ago. You definitely have the power to get through this, if I could come back up from how low I was back then.

      The no contact rule really does do wonders, and other than that, just time and self-reflection will help. Make sure you have a good support group around you. For the no contact period make sure to keep yourself busy, and make sure to do things you want to do, and do things for you, not things you ex would want!

      When you’re strong enough to do so (you may be now), make sure you process your feelings, don’t distract yourself from them, as they’ll just keep coming back up.

      Stay strong, you sound like you will have no trouble getting through this! If someone gave up on you, they’re not worth your time! It’s taken me months to really truly believe that.

      • Alice March 13, 2014 at 9:07 am #

        Hi Sammie,

        Your story is almost similar to mine. I have cried a lot and I now have chosen to move on. I am on NC day 3, a long way to go but it looks like it is the only way to go. It will be well.

    • lv July 23, 2014 at 7:40 am #

      Hi Sammie, I too think that this NC is work wonder on my recovery. I have started the NC soon after I breakup with my ex. He already cheated on me 3 months prior the breakup but I have only found out after the breakup. When we breakup he makes it sound like it is all my fault that the relationship didn’t workout. When I asked him what have I don’t wrong he can’t pin point it. His last words is ” I still love you and hugs me like he never want to release me. I’m so devastated about it. Few days later my girlfriend saw him with a new girl. After some detective work over online I found out he been cheating for the past few months. I feel upset and mad….I couldn’t fathom why he lie to me even to the day we breakup. I know the truth hurt but being lie to is even more worse. I try to confront him but he never pickup my call. Then I text him that I know. Even after that he never even say sorry for what he done. I feel so sad. It feels like he breakup with me all over again and this time even more horrible because I found out the betrayal. 2 weeks after the breakup he contact me again about returning my stuff. Even to that day no apology from him. I feel sad, angry and hopeless. What did I done so bad that I don’t even entitled for simple word as sorry from him? This is not the man who promise to marry me, introduced me to his parents as his future wife and threat me like a princess. He turn into a total stranger. So far I’m doing well in with the NC except whenever I heard from friends about him and his new girl. Since he work at the next building my colleagues often saw him with the new gf. It is hurt me everytime I heard about how romantic they are…Because my mind said it should have been me. I didn’t go out much from my office because afraid of bumping into them. I don’t think I can handle it just yet because whenever I heard about him and her I broke down and cry. I don’t have the urged to text or call him anymore. I blocked his FB so I don’t have to see his page anymore. I just want to feel better…But I still affected by whatever news that I heard about him. Maybe I’m resenting him for being happy and I’m not. I don’t know…I just don’t want to feel that way anymore. Its exhausting and affect my work performance. By the way today is 1 month after the breakup. After reading other people’s story I guess mine was not so awful…Though I still cry once in a few days whenever I miss that assclown.

  4. Lauren August 2, 2013 at 4:51 pm #

    Today marks day 8 of NC and I’m beginning to realize that being sad, and constantly ruminating on “Why did this happen?” is nothing short of exhausting. While I’m proud of myself for not giving into the urge to talk to my ex, knowing that nothing good would come from the conversation, I can’t seem to stop asking why. I’m desperate to understand what the point was in loving a person to that extent, and having them love me in return, for it to just…end. I constantly question what it was that I could have done differently, or why I didn’t end up being good enough, and my faith is so shaken to know that you can put your heart completely in someone’s hands, completely trust and believe in someone else, and end up being so utterly let down. I miss him every single day, but I also miss having good self-esteem and faith in others. I don’t want to allow him to take that away from me; I want to continue to believe that love really does exist. I’m unsure of how to convince myself of it. I guess I’ll just continue on with NC, and hopefully after the 60 day mark I’ll have more clarity. I’m curious also- why 60 days? It seems so arbitrary? Why not 50 days, or 100 days, or “You should never talk to your ex again.” Any insight from those who are further along in the process than me would be greatly appreciated. Hope everyone reading this is having a good day.

    • Sue August 2, 2013 at 6:43 pm #

      Hi Lauren
      I am only at day 13 of NC. Not much more than you but I do know that if you continue with the NC you will gain clarity. All the answers we desperately want really don’t matter at the end of the day. Think about it. Could you have done anything different? Sure! We all could have done many things differently in hindsight but that would not have made a difference to your ex who could turn their back and walk away.

      I know in my heart that nothing I could do would change his decision to leave me and I also know that we are never 100% to blame. I still hurt everyday and pray that the heartache and pain will stop sooner than later.

      10 days, 40 days, 60 days, I guess whatever works for you. I believe the goal is to get us to a place where we can see that this relationship is over and it wasn’t good for us. The reasons really don’t matter. The fact that they left and not willing to do the work to stay together says it all.

      On September 7, I will be married for 10 years. He left me on June 11th and never looked back. I am so broken but we must believe that nothing lasts forever, including our heartache. NC hurts us more than it does them because they’ve moved on and left us in pieces.

      I will try to remain hopeful and prayerful that we all pull through and love again. Ask yourself would the “why’s” change anything? It is what it is and the NC helps me to accept the things I cannot change. Everyday is a new day to continue to heal. Be strong and post here anytime. This website continues to help me during my darkest hours. God bless.

    • Colin August 2, 2013 at 10:02 pm #


      Realizing it’s exhausting is a big step. Only when I realized how much my thoughts and what I was doing to myself were hindering me from seeing the reality and moving on did I start to move forward. It took me a lot more than 60 days to get there. It may take a good deal of time to stop asking why. You’ll eventually come to the realization that you won’t understand it, and while trying to understand it is good to a point, if you’re obsessing over it and feeling like you need to change who you are, this is just doing more harm than good to you.

      Coming from experience (I’m about 8 months out), it will get much better. You may not realize it, but when you look back at the 60 day mark you will have so much more clarity. I get more and more clarity every day, and I didn’t really start to feel better until I made the conscious decision to leave it behind me. Much like Eddie’s story, I was having lunch with an old friend, and he told me “Leave it behind you.” because he has a friend that has been dwelling on a divorce for 7 years.

      For me, 60 days was just the beginning. after about 5 or 6 days I didn’t actually count, instead I set a timeline way in the future, like 4 months ahead. It wasn’t a set day, as then after that I would want to contact her. Instead it was just a “sometime mid-may” type thing.

      Not that I still don’t have my moments, but like I said I didn’t really grow until I made the conscious decision to let go. It sounds like you’re in a good head space. Don’t let one person dim your light! You’ll get through this and find someone amazing!

  5. down August 15, 2013 at 3:30 am #

    I just break the rule! I was in my 3 day of NC but just this afternoon he texted.. saying sorry for hurting me. I was tempted to reply in viber. I felt happy when he text me. But after that i was hurt because i felt as if nothing will happen i decided to start NcC again.hahahah today is my first. Hope i can reach 60 days….i jUst want to forget him and get rid of this pain

  6. ben August 15, 2013 at 6:32 am #

    To all heartbroken. I posted here awhile ago about breaking up with my wife. she basically cheated on me and moved with the guy for almost 3 months. the first two onths i was fighting for us. I went to her work place just to changed her mind and it didint work. i told her that how could you be witht he guy youve just met several months ago. i warned her too that what if i move on already and you try to comeback. all replied i got from her was a smirk from her face and sait i dont even know the guy. so basically shes defending him. the more i contacted her the more i got hurt. so on the third month i stoppped chasing her. cut all communication. i better myself. i hit the gym everyday. and then ive found out that she moved away from the guy already and went to her family. shes been texting me how sorry she was. how she cries everytime she thinks of what she did to me. she said she unhappy and living with regrets. now what should i do? shes still my wife. i dont know though if i still love her. definitely i dont trust her anymore. but i pity her knowing that she already have the best man of her life who is me but he just took me for granted.

  7. T September 8, 2013 at 10:11 pm #

    So, 2 1/2 months later after he showed up at my door with flowers, promising me the world…. Little by little things went back to the same way due to his dad being ill. This time he passed away and he is acting so estranged from me… He came over once and I hugged and kissed him and he said its wrong for us to be together and he doesn’t feel anything emotionally towards anyone right now. 🙁 he told me to let him be. So I have.. But at the funeral his ex gfriend whom he thought he still lived 1 1/2 years ago came and he public ally thanked me and her for being there throughout this whole time!? I had no idea he was still in communication with her and he treated me like I was a stranger all day. Yet, he kept going to her table and talking with her and hugging her kids and I asked if he was going to sit by me to eat and he got all mad and said, don’t start with me right now!! He finally did sit down for about 15 minutes with me but couldn’t take his eyes off if her and she got up a couple if times and saw us and he seemed he didn’t want her to see us together. It was all Very strange! I felt humiliated. He hasn’t called me since and I haven’t called him. I feel that he stopped loving me after his father died and that he still has feelings for her and she does too. I feel devastated by the whole experience and definitely not secure in our relationship since he has been wanting time alone or with his family to mourn…. I could understand feeling depressed after a parent dies, I also experienced this when I was married and I didn’t change the way I felt about my husband afterwards. 🙁 feeling rejected and confused and depressed.

  8. Antonia September 20, 2013 at 8:04 pm #

    I’m devastated…I was in a relationship for a year and a half with an amazing guy. We have our ups and down but always work it out. He treated me like a princess I have no complaints. We always break up and got back together but in the last break up he didn’t came back. He stop texting or calling me…nothing!…I call him and try to get back with him and he would told me that he love me but don’t call or text after. Im so sad and I’m always thinking about what I did wrong. I made a lot of mistakes when I was with him(not cheating) but I would do stupid things like fight over the simply things and he would try and fix things..i feel so guilty. i cant stop thinking about the last couples of days we see each other he treated me so bad. I know I wasn’t the best person when I was with him but i would never do to him half the things he did to me. We live together for a year almost but always have trouble because his family didn’t like me. As Im writing my story here I feel so lost cause I don’t know why everything end up like this he never give me a reason, he always told me he has never love anyone the way he loves me. We stop talking for a month during that month I always receive private call and never answer but three day ago he text me telling me that he is sorry that he have been bothering me calling me private and tell me a lot of things about me like that I have lost a lot of weight and that my hair has grow( He work close and the parking of my work is in the same shopping where he works). I have decided to make the no contact rule not because I want to get him back but because I want to feel better about myself. This last months have been really difficult for me. I feel lost and have no confidence in myself..i hope I will feel better again!

    Sorry for the mistakes english is not my first language!…thank u for reading me!!

  9. Luz September 23, 2013 at 11:59 pm #

    Hello Antonia.

    You are doing the right thing with the NC even feeling the way you are currently feeling. Keep on strong. I am in my 11th day of NC and there have been times when I felt desperate and all I wanted to do was to call him and make my pain disappear. However, I know this is not going to be the case. I have to go to a conference now but I will continue to write as soon as I get a chance.

    I will tell everyone in here, please keep on the NC rule and just remember to take it one day at a time.


  10. Antonia September 24, 2013 at 10:01 pm #

    Thank u luz!!…hope u still keeping up with the no contact rule!…it’s been really hard for me, everytime I feel like Im doing better and forgetting about him boom!…out of nowhere he calls me just to see how I am!…it’s like he wants to make miserable!…looking forward to read from you!!

  11. T September 27, 2013 at 4:00 am #

    Feeling down today. 🙁 I was so strong and decided to break it off due to his neglect again and making plans with others when I really needed him. He’s never really been there for me, but even more so now. After, and its always After the fact when the weekend is over and we didn’t see each other at all, he’s sorry and wants to make it up to me. I really thought hard and realized he’s just not present in the relationship, he’s a busy-holic and even on a good day, I’m lonely. He tried to make plans for this weekend and said he loves me, etc and I turned him down. I broke it off this time and he just said ok…..Days later I feel bad. 🙁 am I trying to punish him? Of course I want to hear him say he’ll make it up to me and he loves me, and I was upset at the time.

    He seems like he doesn’t even care and is fine with it. I wish I felt better, I miss him, but don’t miss being treated like an after thought all the time. Or chopped liver. What am I doing?!

    After reading Eddies posts I know I need to get myself together here! I’m really lost. I don’t feel confident and am really sad. Over someone whom I rarely saw and didn’t treat me right for almost 3 years! In comparison to other relationships where we did see each other everyday, this one never even made it that far…. With our once a week relationship. Makes me question what the heck have I been doing?

    • wendy October 19, 2015 at 2:32 am #

      I was reading your post and I was sadden…Its just like everything I feel…He’s never there for me. I stayed for 5 years and he cheated on me stayed away from me for 11 days. I just thought it was normal and it was abnormal. Makes me questions what the heck was I thinking. I tried the 5 day nc and he came back and I took him. Nothing changed everything is worst like he doesn’t respect me at all. We don’t do anything together he always lies. I just want out of this misery. And once I’m out completely I don’t want to look back ever. I want the NC for 5 months.. I need to detox from this person. I want to feel normal and love myself.. I feel like Id cheated on my own life. Good luck to you all as well.

  12. ie October 16, 2013 at 9:17 am #

    Well here I am at six months no contact, not a peep from him ,didn’t expect it though still cryin my eyes out hoping he will call hoping it will end hoping to wake up no longer loving him ,still workin out still going out still trying .I just can’t shake the feeling he’s waiting for me which I can’t even imagine getting in touch with him.I adore him but I made last contact its up to h its not pride or anything cause I don’t Cate bout that I’m not ready to be.rejected again or being ignored so staying I’m no contact its up to him or god to deteine what will be

  13. Annie October 18, 2013 at 2:11 pm #

    Can anyone help me? My husband left me three months ago, and out-of-the-blue. He never said anything about being unhappy or wanting to separate or having doubts. Then, he told me one day that he would have doubts, that another woman appeared and that he could not maintain our relationship. The coming weeks and months were so hard. I tried everything I could to somehow deal with it: going to the gym every day, going to a therapist, etc. I tried to speak with him, to see him. He said he would not be ready to face me. He said he would still love me – and then, finally, I wrote him that it would be better for me to stop contact to him. And he reacted in a very offended way – as if it was my fault that everything stopped this way. Does he make a fool out of me? Does he still feel something for me? Is he simply egoistic or even egomaniac? What does he still want? I do not understand him anymore.
    He even said things like: do you already have someone else, because this would make ME fell better and less guilty. I simply do not understand why he is so selfish and does not understand why I have to stop the contact with him. What do you think?

    • Wendy October 18, 2013 at 10:06 pm #

      He’s a loser and coward. You can do better. Don’t be weak and fall back to him. Tell him you’re filing for divorce get 1/2 if everything

    • wendy October 19, 2015 at 2:36 am #

      Don’t contact him at all..He disrespected you. In your mind act like he never existed for your peace if mind. NC at all…

  14. leah October 24, 2013 at 3:45 pm #

    Annie, you deserve much much better! Please leave the guy–he will drive you insane!! Gym and seeing the therapist is the right thing to so–Please get away as fast as you can! I left my ex 6 months ago and the scars are still there but I am in a much better place–please take care of yourself and love yourself. I suggest you listen to some very nice encouraging songs that have helped me move on like
    1. Roar -Katy Perry
    2. Blow me (One last kiss) -Pink
    3. Haunted – Evanescence
    4. Already Gone- Kelly Clarkson
    5. Best Thing I never Had–Beyoncé
    6. Sweet Sacrifice- Evanescence- especially love the part–‘one day I’m gonna forget your name”
    7. Titanium- Madilyn Bailey
    8. Nothing-The script–this is such a nice song because once you get out of this mess, he will try to come back and all you will say is “Nothing” because he is not worth your words and most of all he is not worthy of you.

    This too shall pass–don’t miss an opportunity to get out and live a good life—Love love love yourself!! Sending you blessings!!

  15. Anna October 24, 2013 at 11:07 pm #

    I was dating a man for 3 years. He never wanted to discuss a future with me, he was a moment to moment guy. I fell in love with him, I was a wonderful girlfriend to him, I always went out of my way for him, I expressed my love and devotion to him but he just treated me like a day by day situation.

    I was a kind person, he always gave to his family but now I think about it, he kept me at arms length and just treated me like I was just there in his life. All we did was go out for dinner occasionally but that was about it. I loved kissing him and our sex life was amazing but everything else wasnt. He could easily go a week without seeing me, he never suggested anything that would bring us closer. I loved him more than he loved me I guess! I’m 8 years younger and I do make the effort to look after myself, he’s overweight and doesn’t but I still wanted him.

    I did everything to make him welcome and feel part of my family but he didnt do the same. When I would discuss this topic, he would just go quiet and say nothing, if I talked about leaving him, he didnt want that, he would say he wanted me?? He never reassured me or gave me no stability in our relationship and no security of a future. He never discuss future things with me but he’s totally different for his family, its all about them. They use him as a bank and in 3 years, I’ve never taken anything from him as I’ve always been independant and paid my own way. He was definitely tight with his money when it came to me. He’s got 3 cars and one day mine broke down and he arranged the mechanic to fix it but I ended up borrowing and old bomb for a few days and he never offered me one of his nice cars and then I got a huge bill I couldn’t afford and had to pay it off but when his daughter had a problem with her car, he got that fixed for her, paid the bill and offered his lovely car to her without thinking and she’s a married woman!

    Ive now cut contact, its been nearly a month and its painful but it shows me that he doesn’t really care as he hasn’t made any effort to contact me. I feel like I put my life on hold for this man for 3 years and all I’ve done is waste my valuable years on him, he obviously didnt want to commit to me, he just wanted access to me when it suited him.

    It will hurt for a long time but I have to be strong and ride this out because he knows he will have full control of the situation if I went back to him and offer me crumbs all over again!

    Thanks for reading.

  16. Luna October 29, 2013 at 9:49 pm #

    Day 1 of No Contact and I’ve already tortured myself by trying to find photos of my ex and his new girlfriend online. I’ve blocked both of them from Facebook and Google +. Now I just have to stop the obsessive thoughts. He left me. He walked out of me and my daughter’s life and lied about coming back to try to resolve our issues. He went overseas and the second he is out of my life, he is in someone else’s. He left his entire life behind for me to clean up. Every bill, his car, his personal belongings, everything left behind on a whim with a girl he now feels is his “soulmate”. The f***ing childish narcissist he is.. He abandoned me and my daughter and yet I still search for him. What the hell is wrong with me? A guy who spent nearly three years with us without giving me much emotional connection, said his love for me was service oriented, but now he feels intense emotional connection with this new woman. Said he wasn’t a passionate person, wasn’t all that sexual, withheld from me emotional intimacy and sexual intimacy and now he is with someone he “is experiencing emotions he never knew he had”. I get that people move on, I get people find new loves, but to lie to me and to my daughter and betray us like this is insane. I am beyond pissed.

  17. Timiarah Camburn January 3, 2014 at 8:49 pm #

    Great article on the NC rule. The only thing I disagree with is that it’s cruel. Many times, the NC’d party doesn’t even care that we are implementing NC, nor do they take it seriously. They simply see it as “I guess I’m not going to hear from her/him for a while.” NCers need not even think about whether or not it is cruel. Like you said, it is just for the wounded party, and that’s all we need to worry about.

  18. Stacy January 25, 2014 at 6:03 pm #

    Cruelty would be using NC as a manipulation tactic to fulfill a selfish want or need, to see the SO sweat or to see if they can get them to chase. Just about all posters were left high and dry. I doubt ex would care about NC anyway. This is more or less the use of willpower to combat falling back into old habits to risk feeling defeated and needy by calling and begging. Some use it to see if it will bring them closer after space is needed. My ex used it as a mind game to see if I would prove his thoughts of me appearing needy and to see if Id give him is day 6 and the day I started calling him an ex, so he can have all the space he needs now. I refuse to fall for it again… pull no contact with me for no reason other than trying to validate your stupid thoughts and use it as way to leave for a few day and do what you want..dont think so….Im independent and loved him without expectation but Im not a fool…

  19. Brandy January 26, 2014 at 3:58 pm #

    I was doing so good then wham, I get a email from him & stupid me I respond saying i’m doing great. He didn’t even say anything worth responding to! Now I go from day 24 to day 4 now. Just trying to throw me crumbs, or test my boundary or deal with his guilt for what he did.

    The crazy thing is: I only have negative feelings for him now. Any prior happy memories are tainted by the possessiveness & manipulation & jealousy he exerted. Even when I saw his email I had a terrible feeling, a pit in my stomach- which tells me my gut & intuition are coming back & I realize how awful he was for me & how truly terrible the relationship was.

    I can’t beat myself up about breaking NC because when I told him NC he got so mad, he swore I wouldn’t hear from him again & that he deleted my phone number. Guess he forgot to delete my email address too. In all honesty, I don’t think he ever thought I could go a week, let alone 3 weeks without talking to him.

    All I have to say is. I think these next 56 days are going to be so much easier than those first 24! I have much more mental clarity about this relationship & am starting to work on me – again. My self confidence, I’ve already gone through & assessed what it is that Drew me to this person & I’ve identified a few things & now I am starting the slow process to rectify those things- boundaries, self-love, working out, finding out what I like to do. Don’t get wrong, I know there will likely be setbacks but I know I’m already so much stronger.

  20. leah March 14, 2014 at 4:49 pm #

    Still going strong—11 plus months of NC! Met a fantastic guy and moving on- just thought to drop by and say you can make it!!! Was so hard but in a better place now. Hang in there- it will be ok!

  21. talente' May 29, 2014 at 7:12 am #

    Hey everybody I’m starting my no contact rule 2day I actually started it 4 days ago but on the second day my ex called me and I couldn’t resist god knows I wanted to but I wanted to hear what he had to say. He told me he was just thinking about me and for that he had to call..that didn’t really erased the pain of missing him but it added more and I felt so stupid for breaking my no contact rule only to be hurt more anyway I decided to text him and make a lil conversation now that he was back but yesterday he was cold again and so aloof so last night after asking him why he’s ignoring me and him not replying I decided to start over again and never contact him again so today is my 1st day of no contact and it hurts like hell I keep on checking his “last seen” on watsapp and it hurts every time when I find out he’s been online but never texted me but I’m a lil bit better than last night and I’m gonna stick with my decision ..thank u for all the advises and support …together we can do this

  22. Paul Clarke July 20, 2014 at 4:53 pm #

    Hi Eddie,this is my 4th long term break up and I just wish you had been around for the others,I would have had a lot less pain.
    I had a break up after 8yrs and in week 2 already starting to feel great after taking your advice
    Thanks a lot my friend,priceless advice to all guys and gals

  23. Georgia September 22, 2014 at 3:21 pm #

    Have a fwb for 14 months .. Last 6 months he’s been ignoring my texts .. I began to rant and ask why .. Boom I’m ignored.. Then he randomly in that week or following week says he wants to see me.. So random he is.. I ask why he ignores me.. He claims he’s busy but says he’s read all of them.. Gets a kick out of my lil rants .. Cuz I get so feisty.. Oh here’s the kicker found out he’s got a girlfriend this whole time.. He claims they r broke up.. When I scream I’m done this is bs he may text something to me like calling my bs or he will ignore me.. The. Out of blue some random day of the week he will text me as if nothing’s wrong.. Although the this time I feel a shift I haven’t seen him in 2 weeks.. He keeps saying soon .. But then blows me off I told him to say goodbye.. He has yet to answer me.. I’m so heartbroken..

  24. Nelly September 28, 2014 at 10:10 pm #

    Hey marked ,
    I have been daiting my incredible boyfriend for 1 year and 5 months. He recently movied to North Carolina for college and I am in new york. in the past we have daited for a few months , he was inlove with me but I wasn’t feeling him a couple days after valentines day I broke up with him and lost my virginity to a guy who I though really liked me turns out I got played. A couple of months later I realized I mad a horrible mistake leaving a good man that actually cared for me and respected me, so in May/April I called out my his best friend and apoligized and I wanted him to let my boyfriend know I am deeply sorry. I also came I contact with my boyfriend. And sincerly apoligize. In april 9 2013 Charles and went back out everything was so lovely, a month after May 1st on my boyfriends birthday a guy who had a crush on me, kissed me i guess it was how the way I was looking at him but that’s my natural look. I slapped the kid for it and never talked to him again. I could tell Charles this I knew it would break us up so I kept it hidden from him. A couple of months later Charles and I became sexually active , he lost his virginity to me and I tried to play it off that I lost it to him but he was suspicious. A month later I finally told him the truth the reason why I left him in the first relationship. And he forgave me , that was when our love grew stronger. But there was something else in my chest I couldnt Tell him the incident that happens on his birthday. It would be to much to swallow. And plus he said if I ever cheat on him in this relationship he will break up with me . so I decided when the time is right I’ll tell him, I didn’t want us to break up. After June our relationship grew and I fell inlove with Charles and he fell inlove with me , of course we would have a arguments some daily but nothing serious , I would go to his house almost everyday and we will talk, we go on dates , the relationship was so perfect. Fast forwarding to June 2014 he began to have problems peeing and So he went to the doctor with his mother and the doctor told him that something wrong with his body or he has gonorrhea but he will be able to confirm what it is in 3 days , immediately his mother began to say I gave it to him because he lost his virginity to me and I had sex with that one guy that I lost my virginity too . So Charles decided to go on social media and delete all the photos of us and break up with me before I knew the situation . So when I finally got a hold of him we had a serious talk and I told him that when I lost my virginty to the dude I had a check up for every disease and they said I was fine so how can that be ? , and he was like ” no matter what I won’t let you go we could go threw this together even if you do have it ” 3 days later the doctor called him and told him he doesn’t have it. So it was all a misconception. So fast forwarding to August he left to college in north carolina and debates for their debate team. We’ve been having a little fighting because I feel as if he doesn’t fit me in his schedule and he told me because of his debate team and school he really acuppied and I was like okay I understand. A couple of days later he decided to confess to me that he was bisexual ( he never kissed a guy nor had sex with one it’s more like he just have thoughts in his head , he has a lot of adults in his life and friends who are bisexual and I think he just wants to fit in , he said if a guy were to kiss him he wouldnt freak out ) and I was in shock so I decided to come clean and tell him that a dude kissed me on his birthday of last year and I slaped him for it . So immediately he called off the relationship I was wreck I kept on begging him not to do this I confessed my love for him I did everything you could have done to save a relationship I even called his mom , and she told me “Charles love you deeply he may take it out on you because he is stress that he is away from his family, and you know what I told him he shouldn’t be in a relationship in college ” so I decided to hang up on her after telling me that , so for last couple of weeks I’ve been trying to work my way back to be his girlfriend. So a week after the break up i ignored him for 2 days and turned out that he got drunk and slept with another girl because I was ignoring him and he was depressed. I forgave him and he still wanted to be friends. So I told can we take baby steps he says okay and everything is all good we say we love each other and than he comes with his bullshit that ” he can’t force himself to fix something that can’t be fix ” he just want to be friends , ( MIND YOU ALL OF THIS TIME HE STILL HAVE THE PHOTOS OF US IN A RELATIONSHIP ON FACEBOOK AND I DONT). So as the days flow we started to reconnect he will tell me how his day went I would listen thab I would share my story and we talk about his life in college and as we get ready to hang up we would say we love you to each other, so one day we’re talking on the phone and I mentioned to him that his close friend hit me up on Facebook and he got extremely concerned he was like why did he hit you up, what did he say and I told him he probably would want to check up on me and he was like ” I love my friend but I would him, fuck out of here your my girl” and I was suprised in my mind I was like ( Yay) and shortly after he told me that he would talk to anyone else but me, he wasn’t already but now this is official , and I told him wasn’t talking to anyone else , 2 days later I shared a video on Facebook about a guy explaining ” what it really means when a man say he not ready for a relationship” just secounds after he was like you want to throw subs at me and I responded what are you even talking about I shared it because what he said was true that doesn’t necessarily means it relates to me, and I asked him are you playing me?, are you screwing other chicks? And he was like he not going to answer that question and I told him than obviously that video is not about you, he left me on seen, hours later I hit him up and I’m Sayed what are you doing and he responded that he was doing home work and I told him you could have told me that ( he always takes hours to respond back and I’m always hitting him up first, I feel like I’m kissing his ass) and that’s when he told me that he doesn’t have to tell me anything that’s what being friends mean so he won’t have to deal with this shiit. And I responded okay charles you won’t have to worry about me bothering you anymore and he left me on seen. Next day I texted him good morning and he replied we need to talk and I’m like sure , and he said that he wants to talk to other people , and I just flipped out on him because he is always playing with my emotions. And a hour later I apoligized for flipping out on him. But basically his whole thing is that he is verry confused and he doesn’t know what he want and I feel like he thinks he could continue hurting me and changing his mind when ever he please because he know I will be there to take him back . So my thing is should I do a 30 day no contact rule ? It’s now october and this silent treatment will finish oct 28 and October 29 is my birthday and he comes back to New York in November for the thanks giving break . I don’t know what to do I don’t want to loose him he says he loves me and I truly believe he does for crying out loud he brought me this iphone 5, .., mark what should I do, I prey everyday , please help me

  25. Christine November 3, 2014 at 4:24 am #

    After the breakup of my 22 yr marriage (prior to divorce), I met someone that brought me through what was hell at the time. I saw them for 4+ yrs but would never commit b/c he was a cheater…had been with many women and cheated on all of them. He’d been married once. I didn’t have trust issues with my ex so this was something new to me, nonetheless, I couldn’t commit to this person for fear of getting my heart hurt.

    This person was fun but not ‘my guy’ in reality. He used to say, “why do you turn your head when I try and kiss you?” While we dated, he gave one of his last GF’s my number!!! She texted me saying, “he’s really into you.” I told him I always knew she was in the background when I wasn’t available. I told him this after she showed up randomly at his door. I always knew he had her on the side, maybe for a booty call but disrespectful all the same. In all reality he fit my time and we were FwB until I decided that the physical part wasn’t all that and I didn’t want to string him along.

    I believe we both stayed in this relationship for convenience b/c he and I always had our eye out for possibly meeting ‘the one.’ He and I were still on dating sites. Where am I going with this? After 4 yrs of really ‘knowing’ this person, he met someone which broke my heart b/c I actually did love this person. He made me feel good. If we didn’t spend 3 or 4 nights together, he texted me daily. During our relationship I told him that, “I am not your girl!” His reply was “it’s not that you’re not my girl it’s that I am not your guy!” truer words couldn’t of been spoken.

    It’s been since July that he met his new girlfriend. I see where he’d taken her to the places we’d been. It crushed my heart. She is a beautiful woman. I can tell she is a strong person as were all the women he’d dated. Strong minded, successful and strong, not like him at all. He’s charming but weak emotionally and looks for that in women I guess. So, July/Aug was the end of our relationship of 4 yrs. The worst thing he texted me was, “you know we’re not dating, right?” A question that paralyzed me but to his credit, I couldn’t commit. I replied, “yes, don’t know that we ever really dated per se!”
    Secretly, I was in love with him but couldn’t commit and he had every right to move on.

    Even after our breakup, he texted me and I would reply. This went on for a few wks as badly as it hurt. Finally after seeing a picture of him and her, I responded to one of his texts, “don’t you have a girlfriend?” He responded, “yes, I am seeing someone.” By the way….our entire relationship was texts, rarely a phone call. Anyway, I told him that out of respect for his new GF I was not going to keep in contact with him that I thought it was wrong. Eventually, after 3 wks, it all went by the wayside b/c I missed hearing from him. After the NC for 3 wks, he sent me a drunken text saying he missed me and I asked what it was about….he wouldn’t respond. I also notice that he was texting me with his ‘personal’ phone just as he did his prior GF’s he strung along He used to text me from his ‘business’ phone which is what he does with her new GF. Yes, I called him every bad word in the book but the biggest and ugliest word was “PLAYER” which holds true for him. I am not sure if this gal is a rebound but probably not if she is like the rest of us who are successful & independent but not successful in love or relationships. He is looking for a mate and I am sure he is playing on that. He doesn’t have much to offer in ways of supporting a partner so I am sure she’s paying his living tab as I did. She must be someone with emotional scars or a drunk b/c no one in their right mind would put up with his ‘true’ colors.

    Since our breakup (which has been a very positive move) I’ve been back to the gym, and am back down to the size I was when we first met (obviously I carried baggage when we were together – I was emotionally stuck!) Out of spite, I sent him a recent picture of the ‘new’ me, cruel but so worth it. That very day, he randomly drove by…I happened to see him b/c my head out the door talking to my daughters. I was shocked! He came to my door and gave me a big hug saying he missed me…said he on his way home. I invited him in for a drink – he brought in a cold bottle of wine – which I tried to give him when he was leaving but said to keep it – that he owed me many!

    He has since stopped over a few times to bring me some of the vegetables from the garden we planted. He texts me to tell me what his plans are (and I know they’re with her b/c I can see her FB) and I asked him why does he feel the need to tell me what he’s doing? He apologized and said it was a stupid thing to do! It was like he was rubbing my face in the fact he was ‘busy’ these days.

    I told him in a text after his last drop by that I didn’t want him stopping by or contacting me anymore. Since then he has texted me a few times. I sent him one final text over a week ago and he has sent 3 since then and 2 of them were within the last day and the last one saying, “guessing you holding hard and firm…you need to relax. always thought you were cool baby.”

    YEAH…I am cool! Not going to be on anyone’s string! I still love this person but have enough respect for myself to move on. Going to stick with the NC rule and hope that his ‘new’ relationship works out.

    Happy to be moving on but sure glad there are sites like this that validate the NC rule.

    Hold steadfast to the NC rule and be true to yourself! Best of luck to you!

  26. jbh88 November 19, 2014 at 4:17 pm #

    Hey, guys. I have a question. I just went 30 days no contact as of today. My girlfriend broke up with me one month ago because she said it wasn’t fair to me that I put so much into the relationship and her so little. She feels like she is better off without anyone and relationships scare her. I’m just as scared to be in one, but I was willing to take that risk for her. She also mentioned that we only knew each other on the outside, but it’s not like I never wanted to. We spent way too much time apart because of her busy schedule. School, 2 jobs, Pilot school, etc. I’m just afraid that because we spent so much time apart, it won’t really do anything. I told her that I wouldn’t give up on an amazing girl and I want to stand by that because I know that there was something special between us. I don’t want to let that go. I just don’t know what to do know. Where do you go from here? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    • Paul Clarke November 20, 2014 at 5:19 pm #

      No Contact is essential in this case.
      I went 90 days before my ex contacted me,and i met someone better soon after.
      My ex has just started dating,
      Your ex will contact you but you have to decide what to do.
      NC is hard but essential.
      I hope things turn out good for you.
      Eddie’s advise is First Class and certainly helped me.

  27. katy November 22, 2014 at 5:52 pm #

    I lost my virginity this year at 31yrs old ok its abt time but what saddens me is that he said he loved me I knew him 3yrs I jst kept it platoniic at 1st cse he had a gf.but hed always contact me that he loves me and would die for me.hed always half pressure me tho when I did it he changed he smiled and said now its time for revenge.revenge for me not giving it up sooner.he then left the room embarrased me in front of his friend sayin tht I put blood on his shirt.and was a complete douche.he msgd me when I got home sayin he loved me.but blocked me on the phone next I msgd him on fcebk he ignored me.after 2 wks I even said its fine if we jst gna be friends.then he replied tht he wnted2 see me tht sunday bt I ws with he ws cross dissed me tht I’m ugly which I’m not at all btw so I dissed him back and let it aLl out.he then blocked me on fcebook.I also found out he was sleeping with tht old maid of his which was a shock.hed always act so innocent and quite I cdnt believe this is who I fell 4.hw will I trust again maybe ths is all guys still haunts me

  28. Julien December 10, 2014 at 7:10 am #

    Hey Eddie,

    I’m going on almost 60 days without contacting this girl that I’d dated a little over a year ago, and is now in a relationship of about 11 months with someone else. I have not contacted her since October but she has sent me a couple messages; one was a late response (about 7 days) that had to do with a movie she told me I should see. But the other message? Was her asking me if I’ve been HACKING her email, and that if I am, she’d appreciate it if I stopped. Now, I have not been hacking her email. But the reason why she would suspect it’s me is because I did once do that about 7 months ago (her Facebook) out of insecurities and apologized for it and promised I wouldn’t do it again. How much longer should I go without contacting her to let her know that I may want her, but don’t need her? And when I do message her back, do I respond to her question or do I just ignore it and say something else? Some help here Eddie! Please man, any piece of advice would be worthwhile, you gotta help me out here.



  29. Lisa Marie December 12, 2014 at 6:28 am #

    Guys.. I truly am sorry for everything you went through. I feel your pain. My situation is very similar to a lot I read on this blog. I joined an online website in June and fell flat on my face for this guy James. It’s not like I wasn’t talking to other people but this guy just stood out and eventually I threw out the rest of them thinking he was “the one” two months in. My diary was filled with pages about when he texted me and when we had fights and when I thought it was actually over. In the beginning it was pretty turbulent but I held on and so did he and I thought he liked me. I think he did actually but over time I think he kind of got bored with me and started being really disrespectful. No more good morning texts, heck texts about normal things just stopped and it all became about sex. When I was looking for his sex he would back off and when he would come after me I would back off. I built a fantasy in my head where this man would ask me to marry him and he would change his mind about having children. Boy what the hell was I thinking. My head was in the clouds. One of our last video sex chats was a few days ago and that did it for me. After 7 months of thinking something was going to happen, it was going nowhere. He treated me like the number and asked “how big are your tits again?” and when I snuck out to my parents car to have phone sex with him (we didn’t end up doing it fo some reason) he asked me if I was wasting his time and was just like “bye..”. Didn’t even ask if I got back home okay and it was 2 AM. I don’t understand how I loved this man when our relationship had nothing substantial. I think I was just in love with the fact that I built a fantasy that I believed in so much. Thankfully, my head is back on earth and my feet are on the ground. I don’t love him but I admit I still want to have sex with him, it’ll probably take a while for the sexual tension to go away. But I’m not having anymore of it. 7 months and he hasn’t commited. We talked about it in our early days but all of a sudden when I brought it up a while back he became a comittment phobe. I realize he wants casual relationship and I want the real thing and if I keep staying with him it’s going to lead to disaster. I’m already not happy with us and we aren’t even dating. Fuck this man, I deserve way better and want someone that respects me. Its been 4 days since starting the NC rule. He hasnt texted me so he doesn’t really know Im ignoring him yet but sooner or later he’ll find out. I know I’m going to feel bad when I really should for ignoring him but its time for me to be selfish and take care of myself because he’s just a monster. And if he dare texts me that he loves me (which he never told me before) because he realizes what an amazing girl I am Im just gonna be like fuck that shit. If I take him back he’ll change for maybe a few days or weeks but then go back to the person he was when he gets comfortable again. He’s just such a piece of shit that I wish I could write his name here so I can earn all the girls that think they’re going to date him. I don’t want to hurt him thattt bad but I do want him to miss me and realize he made a mistake in being such an asshole. You know who you are.

  30. Susan December 30, 2014 at 12:03 am #

    Today I reached 60 days of No contact!!! High fives all around!! It was hard! especially the first 4 weeks. I wouldn’t say I failed but on day 15 of no contact I send him a closure email. I didn’t once ask for him back in that email it truly was a closure email of an almost 6 year relationship. It was more of a lesson learned email to him saying good bye. I had to restart my no contact count down again but I needed to send that email, I did receive a reply from him and it gave me the closure I was looking for. I reread both our emails repeatedly and it helped me to move on. I fell in love with the emotionally unavailable man. Now after months of reading everything I can on the subject of breakups and emotionally unavailable men I feel like a bit of an expert in my own situation. The past couple months of no contact really does help you clear your head and make you think straight. I replayed all the red flags in my head wondering why the hell you stayed?? good god woman never again will a man treat me like that and still be in my life. Hind sight is twenty twenty, I’ve heard that expression alot recently too.
    Last sunday Dec 21st was day 52 of no contact with my ex and guess who called me? yup, at first I didn’t realize it was him because I deleted his contact info from my phone even though I knew the number off by heart. It helped not hearing his ring tone and seeing his picture pop up when he did call me after 52 days. It might have been a different story if I saw his picture come up and that familiar ring tone that would make my heart flutter. I believe it got back to him thru a mutual friend that I am doing great. I had been working out the past couple months, reconnecting with old girlfriends and making new friends. In the past couple months of continueing to live my life it was like a switch turned on about a month ago and all sorts of male attention has been coming my way. Breaking up really does a butt kicking to your self esteem at first but if you fight thru it and make yourself a better person and stay positive things happen. Men are coming out of the woodwork now. I haven’t even been on a dating site, all thru mutual friends. I have come to realize that I enjoy being single and why race into another committed relationship so fast. I know I will be in another committed relationship down the road but right now I am having a blast. I am playing the field and am really not sure why I didn’t leave my ex a couple years ago but my brain was clouded and I was in love. I get that now! If I can do it you can do it too! There are way too many fish in the sea! Thanks Eddie for you advice. I took it and ran with it! xo

  31. fO March 4, 2015 at 8:14 pm #

    Today is the 23rd day. I had to get his name removed from some legal documents. I sent the documents electronically. He didn’t do what was necessary. I texted him and asked if he would attend to this so we would not have this legal tie. He texted me back and said he had forgotten to send the documents, and proceeded to tell me that he had emotionally flat-lined where I was concerned. Really? Was this really necessary? I didn’t ask about his emotional condition, I simply asked him to proceed with severing this legal tie. Emotional flat-lining is actually a symptom of depression and /or anti-depressant use, but I think in this case he was trying to tell me that he was indifferent to me now. Ok, fine. Was it really necessary to tell me that? I was finally getting a slow grip on this, having more better days than bad, even waking up once in a while without thinking of him, and now instead of respecting my wishes to sever this tie he wants to punch me in the face. I don’t get it. I don’t want to hurt him, not anymore. My initial anger had subsided and I was letting the past go. I just wanted his name off these accounts. I really didn’t need to hear this. Now I’m angry and hurt and bleeding all over again.

  32. pat March 17, 2015 at 6:55 pm #

    It’s my 3rd day of NC and I am feeling very sad not because I miss him but because I allowed myself to be fooled by him once again. We have been dating on and off for the past 5 years and every time he would lie to me in the past, I would take him back but not this time. I’ve had enough of his him and his bullshit. I can’t take the shame and humiliation anymore. My heart is broken. I need to heal

    I caught him with his married lover of 3 years. He told her he didn’t love me and he would never give her up. I was devastated at this news especially after knowing how bad he treated me. She says he writes erotic love poems to her everyday and now they are free to marry and tour the world as planned.

    I feel so ashamed for hiding all the horrible things to me. I cant believed I allowed him to hit me, choked me, put scars on my breasts. I even allowed him to call me names like a nigga and a stupid bitch when I refuse to have sex with him. I feel so ashamed that I allowed someone to do that to me.

  33. Tanja March 29, 2015 at 11:27 pm #

    The no contact has helped me getting over my cheating husband of 20 years. I finally had enough. I filed for divorce went no contact (only through lawyers) took him to court for all of his money and came out the winner. No contact was my lifesaver,my road back to sanity. It gave me clarity and strength to stop loving him. Now divorced almost 2 years no contact. I don’t want any man who is capable of cheating with a young co worker. Please, she can have him. No contact was his consequence fif being an adulterer, an inappropriate spouse, a liar and a cheater. It was my closure, on my terms and conditions. You reap what you sow.

  34. Shelby June 19, 2015 at 4:37 am #

    I could write an essay about my situation but I’ll keep it short.. How do you enforce the no contact rule when you have a 2 year old with them and your 7 months pregnant with their 2nd child?

    • Helena July 12, 2015 at 6:35 pm #

      I am on my 28 day of NC and after the first shock I start feeling the pain more and more now. I guess its because of the shock is gone now and also as I stronger now to process it. I cry often and I feel upset for being treated like a trash. But then it was me who allowed it. I treated myself like a shit then. But still I want to scream out at her face that it was not right the way how she ended it then I also understand her own pain and because we all bring our baggage to the relationships, we need to heal those old injuries first of all. What had happened as it enforced me to look inside and start to sort out my own stuff. I am looking for what I have to learn from this and I have to forgive her and first of all myself for letting it happen. We have to love ourselves. I recommend inner child bonding work. It is not for everyone but maybe it will help someone. Because it seems to work:) Good luck to everyone. We deserve the best.

  35. George July 14, 2015 at 6:29 pm #

    My ex and I dated for 3 years. She moved into my place. It was great! Best time of my life, had a proposal worked out for the fall. I finally found the one. I was 40 went I met her, she was 23, that was the only hang up in me not proposing earlier…her maturity.

    About 2.5 years into it, she slipped into a depression. Mild at first, then more severe. I did not understand what was going on, I just stayed nice and tried to help. But she grew more and more and more negative and ended being very dismissive towards me. Said and did many hurtful things. I tried discussing boundaries. I tried speaking with her parents about her condition. Prompted her to go seek counciling. I tried, I tried.

    She slowly withdrew and was generally unhappy until last fall she broke it off. She stated she did not feel the same way about me and did not think we should get married. I was crushed. I did, and still very much do love this woman despite her issues.

    I did the talk it out dance for three months. She gave me the cold shoulder….so I finally walked away and asked her to move out. She went into more of depression and asked to stay a while until she got her things in order. I agreed.

    After a month or so we slowly started talking and hanging out again. No sex though, and she stayed in own room and paid some rent. We started getting closer again but then she became dismissive again a few months later. It got very confusing so I tried a series of discussions with her that I thought we needed work it out and move forward….or move on after 4 years of being together and a future that she sees as still questionable. She finally stated she still loved me but all she could offer was friendship, and left for a Holiday weekend to spend with a male friend… which I was crushed yet again. I had no choice to ask her to move out. Just too difficult being rejected yet again and getting the cold shoulder.

    So I went no contact. I explained to her in advance that it not some mind game. I explained that I am addicted to her, I loved her, and the only way I break the addiction was limit my exposure to the drug. I explained that I had always willing to ride out her emotional issues with her if she had not abandoned us and would had been willing to work it out….but I needed time away from her to get over the loss. I gave her a move out date that was very generous…all things considered.

    We had a series of fights the few times we spoke after …mostly initiated by me and my frustration with her. That lasted a month or so. She has sought some help but is not the same person from a year ago. She is slowly moving her stuff out…and each item I see disappear is like a small knife into my soul.

    I did not see or talk to her for 3 weeks. It gave me some time and I am finally feeling a little better. We spoke after three weeks. I can tell she is lonely and wants to do things with me again…but I simply cant. I am crushed. It hurts and she is preparing to move to another state. I wanted a wife, a partner the way we were for years….not another friend that I hold feelings for and watch move on to consider dating other people.

    Sometimes “talking it out” only prolongs the pain. I would had better off staying away last winter when I first gave up. I did what I could over and over again and keeping my distance now is helping me and limiting my exposure to the toxic atmosphere. I do feel really bad that she is lonely, and would snap my finger to make that go away for her, but I am simply devastated and need to find a way to move on.

    I am staying away until I am back to myself again. Keeping busy. Running. Taking classes. Avoiding her until she moves out. NC is for me, not to play some mind game….and it is helping. I did leave the door a crack open by stating that I felt she really needed to get some professional help for herself, not us…and that if she did that and harboured feelings…then who knows what the future may hold.

  36. Anny January 8, 2016 at 7:31 am #

    I have a serious question to ask to get out if this brain fog.

    If an ex who broke up with you by text began texting you 11months later and said,”You hurt me more than words can say but, I’m still in love with you but you knew that…” and proceeded with cutsey talk, I’ll always be in love with you, more cutsey talk, a random bitchy comment about a friend of his I do not know, pics of his new dog, jokes, I miss yous, I love you….” ect and you poured your heart out to them, absolutely all of it, along with mistakes I’ve made, while reciprocating his feelings and then some…. We were seeing eachother for almost 10 years at that point, half long distance (soo much stuff in this relationship)….and the last text he responded to (tried calling once and he said he was,”indisposed at the moment”) he kept on texting and I thought,”Ooo well, he’s not quite ready to talk…” and kept texting.

    Anyway, I was soo heartbroken I normally avoided where he used to live most of the time….but on New Years last year I had to drop someone off past his little town. 10 years and I decided to just go to his old neighborhood to see how it would feel….then found a very special place we went to once, him holding my hand, a rock outcropping and climbed it in the rain. I took pictures and you coukd see the surrounding city…

    I sent him those pics of our old special place and he replied with,”loved the pictures!! ;-)”

    Then nothing….

    A mutual friend removed by 2 people through the grapevine told me two weeks later. “He’s moved on..” He had a gf!!

    After 10 years….

    I texted him I sick of your lies and lies by omission!!!!

    Then he finally replied with,”FUCK YOU for using semantics!!! All I meant was I’m happy you moved on because I have and yes I’m dating a friend, she’s quite nice! I want even dating her then!!(two week gap of him not responding) and that I carpet bombed him with messages….it’s Never going to fucking happen!!!!

    What woukd be your take on this scenario?!! Then we video chatted for 6 months, promised he’d come down by my birthday….didn’t…

    I miss my old love and we were together soo long…

    WTF is going on!!!

  37. reeta February 2, 2016 at 5:46 pm #

    i had a long 5 year relationship.everything was going good..i was more emotionally attached with him than he was.i was never demanding …but suddenly he asked me to be just friends…i realised that he do not feel the same for me now…i accepted and agreed to be like friends..but then he stopped answering my calls and told me that friends do not talk daily….i felt heart broken..he never asked for break up but what happened was more painful..and then i came to know he is having affair with her neighbour…i have accpted that we cannot be together..but i cannot accept this feeling of being rejected by one to who i love madly..for him i am nothing i end up sending him long texts begging him to talk to me..but he dont even reply…what should i do?advices are happily accepted

    • Christian McKnight February 3, 2016 at 1:22 am #

      I have experienced on two occasions a similar painful experience as both you, Reeta, and Annie.
      The belief that you love this person “madly” is just that a belief–an emotion, and one which is not to be trusted.

      It took me quite a while, once I realized the truth (that I had not thought at all about the qualities I wanted in a woman) to realize the woman I was blaming for my heartache had little in common with the kind of woman I really needed. I doubt that if Annie had really thought about it she would not have wanted a relationship that would be long term since nearly 70% fail. Nor, Reeta, do I believe you have accepted not being together. How could that be possible when you admit you send long texts to him begging him to talk to you. Until you stop cease communications with him you will continue to suffer. I have been forced into this position three times in my life, twice in the past 18 months, and every time I did two things, my “recovery” began and my suffering eventually faded away.

      First, I realized that I had allowed myself to become emotionally involved with a woman that violated three rules I had established: NEVER attempt to kindle a relationship with someone who is already involved with someone else (i.e., is in a relationship, engaged, married, or on the “rebound”, and, second, if broke that rule, stop chasing them with texts, emails, or whatever. I could respond to a text–briefly–but NEVER initiate contact. That gave me a sense of control over things.

      Then I came up with my own “Twelve Rules to End a Relationship”

      1. Make it seem as if the fever has broken. I realized I could imagine I no longer was in love with the person and as a result I treated her as a casual acquaintance if our paths crossed.

      2. By degree, I simply reduced the attention I gave that person. That alone was more than enough. The chances are good that the oil which kept the flame of this person’s affection for you was the excessive attention you placed on that person. Slowly cut off the supply of that attention and you may no longer seem as attractive to them. In fact, he (or she) if they thrived on your attention may leave skid marks getting away from you.

      3. I Reminded myself constantly: “I haven’t lost a thing. I only IMAGINED I was TRULY loved by that person but as it turned out that wasn’t the case at all.

      4. If she called, I kept it short to avoid arguments–just as I as with an acquaintance. I tapered down our communications from 15 minutes to eventually three or four minutes and I was always the first to end the call or texting.

      5. I Let my passion fade away in gentle stages. I didn’t put a timetable on it.

      6. I never would allow myself to hate someone who couldn’t return my affection. Hating someone who may be bearing wounds become infected and prevent you from connecting with someone who you will know was much better for you.

      7. When a woman broke off with me, if it was because of someone else I admitted to myself that the one I loved desired his love and not mine. As soon as I saw that guy as someone who solved a problem for me (making me see that I was living a fiction) I could actually feel a measure of gratitude because he helped free me from living a lie.

      8. I resolved not to believe when the relationship was over not to believe her sweet words (i.e., “I miss you… .” carried any weight. I chose to err on the side of caution.

      9. Even though little by little I found my affection for the woman growing less and less, I never let it be known why my affection had cooled. In time, my ex would l know or guess and it really wouldn’t matter.

      10. I resolved to grieve silently.

      11. I believed that as soon as you could truly wish the guy who had come between me and my ex well, I was free–and that was true.

      12. I compared any former ex to the kind of person I really knew was best for me. I made the first quality of the man or woman I would like to be involved with be that she at least gave me some indication I was the kind of guy she could fall in love with, and, stay in love with me.

      Surprisingly, this happened much sooner than expected. So, much so that I became truly thankful that the relationships which caused so much confusion, self loathing, and pain ended and the door was open for someone much better to walk through.

      Tonight, as I write this, I can tell you that by doing these things and eventually “letting go” of the women I had allowed to cause me such pain, I experience a feeling of unspeakable happiness.

      So, what should you do? Walk away and never look back–until you have found someone who treasures you–and then you can look back and feel profoundly grateful that the guy who caused you to ask this question is forever out of your life.

  38. laila March 10, 2016 at 11:58 am #

    My ex left me since his parents didnt approve our relationship.His marriage has been fixed with another girl.He broke up with me telling that our relation will cause problems in future since i wouldn’t be respected in his home.So he left me asking me to find a guy more suited for me than him.
    I believe that if his parents really loved him they would accept their son’s choice.Is it possible that he didn’t love enough because I don’t see him suffering because of our fate but I just feel too shocked to live without him?
    Will i be able to get him more stronger to convince his parents that he cannot live without me by keeping the NC for 30 days

    • John Carpenter March 10, 2016 at 5:41 pm #

      Laila, I’m assuming because you said your “ex” has agreed to an arranged marriage that you might be Indian or from another country where this tradition is still a part of the culture.

      It’s really not important whether or not his parents love him, the only important issue is that he seemingly doesn’t love you enough. I suggest this is the case because you state that he seems
      prepared to move on without experiencing any sense of loss about breaking things off with you.

      A break-up can be extremely painful. There are two things you should know, however. First, your pain is the pain of withdrawal. That is, when we are with someone for a long period of time (and sometimes for a relatively short period) the brain produces two neurohormones: serotonin and oxytocin. When that person is no longer with us (suddenly) the brain is no longer producing those chemicals and we feel real pain in addition to depression and many other symptoms. IF we walk away and don’t look back–call it “no-contact”–after a period of acute pain that can last a few weeks or a month our brain chemistry begins to return to normal and the pain begins to diminish but if we make ANY attempt to contact that person or that person contacts us, we are like addicts trying to kick cocaine or heroine who scores another fix and the pain can return.

      It’s been a long time since I was in your situation but on two occasions, as much as it grieved me, I had to walk away. On one occasion the girl wanted to stay in touch as friends, I said, “I’m sorry, but I’m not comfortable with that.” (She told me she was getting engaged to someone else.) It wasn’t easy but in about six or seven weeks, the pain had disappeared. More importantly, in about three months I could be genuinely thankful she did break it off with me. As I look back, I would have been very uncomfortable with her family (her parents) who never gave me the impression I was someone they wanted to marry their daughter.

      On the second occasion I made one last call to the girl I had been with for many years after I discovered she had been cheating. I did not say I would not call her again but I never did, nor did she make any attempt to contact me. That was 14 years ago and I can honestly say I am again so thankful things turned out the way they did because it gave me the opportunity to meet someone who was so much better for me.

      A man I know told me about a woman who was heartbroken because her fiancee broke off their engagement. She prayed day after day that he would change his mind. He didn’t. My friend said he hadn’t seen the woman for four or five years but when he bumped into her she was married, her husband was an amazing guy, and she had a small child. He said, “Well, I guess your prayers were answered and she said, “Yes, but not as I had hoped for. I wanted my former fiancee back; God said, ‘No’ and sent me this man who is wonderful. I also heard that the man I wanted to marry had so much money because he was an embezzler and he is now in prison. I am so thankful the way things worked out.”

      Right now you no doubt feel certain that this man is the love of your life but if you let go of that certainty, you WILL find wonderful things are possible and like so many others you will learn that sometimes the only thing worse than not getting what you want is getting it.

      “No contact” is not about changing others; it is about discovering our strength and healing from a wound.

      The choice is yours: look back or move on.

    • meera October 2, 2016 at 9:57 pm #

      he doesnt love you enough . id he loved you he would have neve agreed marrying some other girl .he would have tried for you .and remember if a man wants something he will get it somehow.
      seriously move on…and get yourself a nice guy who will value you and your feelings.

  39. Emma September 28, 2016 at 9:10 pm #

    Dear Eddie,

    Please help!

    I was dating this guy for approx 3 months. During this time he pushed me away und pulled me back constantly. He never wanted a relationship but I always did. I never put pressure on him but subconsciously he was under pressure.
    We could have great time together and then he would be completely distant for days. We are completly different, he is not willing to commit and rather be single and I am looking for that one love. The only thing we were completely compatible was sex.
    We broke up 3 weeks ago. It ended in a big fight where we talked about our expectations. I tried to stay away from him but… we are working together. And I always feel the urge to contact him.

    Last week we talked and I asked him to continue what we had and that I want to be with him but he doesn’t want to be with me. He says he is jealous seeing me with people, talking and laughing and he wants to be close but then he doesn’t. He wants me to be happy but he knows he cannot give me the relationship that I want. The talk was mature, I didn’t beg for him and I didn’t cry. He said he is 90% sure that he doesn’t want to be with me.
    But after the talk we slept together. It was (as always) amazing as we we feel a connection between us.

    Since that night I haven’t contacted him and ignored his two messages. It’s day 5 today.

    Do you think there is a chance of getting him back and if so – how?
    And what about my behaviour at work?

    Thanks a lot for all your help.

    • John Carpenter October 3, 2016 at 3:05 pm #


      There are a few things you might want to consider:

      He called you a “psycho” and “a very bad person”. He said he would marry you but his family didn’t agree to the marriage; he said no one understands him. He said he would never forgive you for whatever injury he believes you caused him. He said he hates you and never wants to see your face again. His perception of you escalated from you being merely a very bad person to a horrible person.

      He called your family to discuss your private lives…or worse.

      Listen to me very carefully:

      I don’t know how old you are. That doesn’t matter. I experienced something similar. The girl told me she couldn’t stand to look at my face after years of being devoted to me. Love NEVER dies a natural death. It either is murdered and withers and perishes from neglect.

      The day came when she told me she was marrying somebody else–this came after numerous instances where I would see “love” in her eyes one day and contempt the next. I know now the thing in her eyes was the “ghost” of love that had been murdered by her and had it not been, it would have died from neglect.

      As I write this, I’m looking at pictures of an amazing woman. The one I waited for for years. I
      went no contact with the other girl to protect her parents from discovering the kinds of things she was into. She had committed a crime (unknowingly), been abusing drugs, and was having an affair with a married man.

      That was SIXTEEN years ago. The first month or so was very painful but I realized it had NOTHING to do with love or the girl herself. In a very real sense, a breakup is like a brain injury. The pain is real and it takes anywhere from three weeks to a month for the pain to subside just like it might take someone addicted to heroine to feel normal again.

      I can not tell you what to do. I can only tell you sticking out “no contact” was one of the best gifts I ever gave myself. There truly is not enough money in the world that would induce me to want to spend ONE HOUR with the girl who I once would have given everything for to be given a second chance.

      You will never know how wonderful it feels to break free from someone who gives you cause to cry and for what its worth, when someone loves you, they will never make you cry.

      You should also know that even if he gives you another chance, you don’t start off with a clean slate. You’ll be back at that same place with all the same problems to work through. The chances of a successful reconciliation are very small.

      The chances, however, of you finding someone who is right to you if you cut this guy loose once and for all are better than you would imagine. I wish you could see the way the woman in my life looks at me. Then you would know what the look of love really looks like.

      I fear when you look into his eyes, you quite likely confuse the thing you see with love

  40. meera October 2, 2016 at 9:50 pm #

    me and my ex were in relationship for 3 years.for the first year we were very happy with each other.but he dint comit me ,he used to say he is happy with me in such type of a relationship only without the end of 1 year we had a fight and i said something ,he was very angry and said me i am a psycho girl and he will never talk to me ever again and get lost.i tried contacting him,but he blocked me dint reply to my i decided to move on after 10 days of trying ,and mean while my marriage got fixed with some other boy,i told him,he got very angry saying how can i do that ?he said he realized that he loves me a lott and will marry me,but due to some problems his family dint agree for our marriage ,and then he got too emotional and stressedwith all this so he left trying because he thought no one is able to understand him and he just left all.after that he said me we will be freind sbut i said him i dnt want to.but he and me couldnt stay away from each other …because we loved each other .but then too many fights started because of not marrying ,baming each other saying bad things ,crying,aner,frustration,depression,stress..this all since 1 1/2 year.and in the end he one month back he said me he still loves me..his eyes show he loves me too deeply.but then he said i am a very bad person and not understanding how hell he was going through and still i blamed him.he said me he will never forgive me andhe left..he said he very angry and disappointd at me and anyways he is not going to marry now,because he has some alternate plans for carreer and future he said .i said him he is not forgiving because he has too much ego and he never wanted me ,finally he said he never wants to see my face and he hates me too much and said i am ver horrible person to spend life with .i m today at 13 days of no contact .is there any hope he will come back ?there was too much blaming,using bad words and all but his eyes always said he loved me.dont know.will he come back ?i gave him too much importance and begged him to come back but he never ..he is too egostic.
    first we used to work at same place also ,now we are not workign at same place and never will .
    even if we were working at same place he used to ignore me too much,making me feel unwanted because he used to think i m only coming to meet him to fight and blame him.and when he used to ignore me i used to get frustrated and in anger i used to say some shit to him.he used to avoid me.and now my image has become horrible in front of him.and even my family started not liking him because he called my family saying all negative things about me ,this reason he gave for not marrying me.he forgot all the love and happiness for which he came begging me once !! and now all his ego has taken the place !!!hwo can someone not give a person a second chance when the same person once accepted them the second time!!!will this no contact help ?or he will just concentrate on his carreer and other freinda and family only ?even in his family he said something bad about me ,the reaon for not marrying me,he gave me very mean,rude and bad words also ,because i was begging him too much,he dint value any of my tears

    • John Carpenter October 3, 2016 at 3:07 pm #

      That comment was meant for Meera but it’s just as relevant to Emma.

    • meera October 4, 2016 at 12:41 pm #

      thanx john,i hope i get over soon,even i am too much tired of crying and you are right even if he gave me chance ,it wont be again the same love .

      • John Carpenter October 4, 2016 at 7:08 pm #

        Just remember, Meera, the pain and all the crazy thoughts, are the result of very real neuro-chemical things we feel when certain brain chemicals, i.e., dopamine, oxytocin, etc; are no longer available to us.

        If we stay the course and cut off all communication it takes about three weeks to a month for a sufficient amount of these chemicals to be produced, kick in, and relieve the acute distress you’re feeling.

        However, if you stay the course, the pull this guy has on you will disappear and you’ll wonder why you ever let the thought of being without him bother you.

        • Jeremy Bailey November 5, 2016 at 1:17 pm #

          Hello John, I’m on day10 of NC after a heartbreaking breakup that is killing me, thanks putting things into a factual perspective. Helps me to understand these feelings that are driving me crazy!

  41. Sherri October 8, 2016 at 8:31 am #

    Me and my ex were in a relationship for 1 year. Things went pretty fast and we were living together. There had been a lot of fighting and ups and downs but we made through a lot of it. Our parents were involved and we were considering marriage in the near future. Last month he lost it on my talking to a senior over facebook and it was just a regular work related conversation, he considered it random and lost it. One thing led to another, parents got roped in and it got very bad. I obviously moved out and we stayed off each other for a week. I had also said and done stupid things so I gave my best to sort things out and apologize but he wouldn’t budge. We stopped talking altogether and then he goes puts direct cheating and hurtful posts on instagram. Then all his friends unfriended me. When we did end up talking he felt no remorse and said it was over. It’s been 2 weeks to that and I haven’t contacted him. Yesterday he called me and on not responding he left me texts saying he wants to meet up and end things on a good note before finally parting ways since he feels we’re not meant to be together. When I didn’t reply, he blocked me on fb and texted my mom saying he doesn’t think it will work out (they were really close). I have been on a no contact period for 2 weeks now and will continue to do so. I’ve omitted a lot of details but this the long story cut short. I really need some good advice.

    • John Carpenter November 6, 2016 at 2:30 am #

      I wouldn’t know whether this advice is good or bad but it’s sound and what I would give to any woman I cared for: any man who uses social media to publicly humiliate a current or former partner or who uses such forums to divulge matters that should have been kept between the two of you is not the kind of man I would want to be involved with.

      I have no idea how old you are, your ethnicity, or experience with relationships, and so I must rely on assumptions. I do not think it is unreasonable to suggest that your history with this man of “a lot of fighting” and “ups and downs” paints a picture of two people who either not ready for a relationship, are willing to tolerate unacceptable behavior in a partner, or who ignorantly or innocently believe that the level of conflict in your relationship is tolerable.

      Essentially this guy is saying, “O.K. . I defamed you publicly, told my friends to kick you to the curb, I don’t want you in my future but let’s end this on a ‘good note.”

      What bullshit!

      As things stand now, that cannot happen and his attempt to make it happen is very suspect but I will give him the benefit of the doubt and chalk it up to him being immature rather than insensitive.

      So here’s the bottom line. Don’t agree to meet him and do not contact him in any way. It may take another two or three weeks but at the end of that time you’ll be seeing things clearer and hopefully asking yourself why you allowed yourself to become involved with someone who would be so vindictive and callous.

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