Everyone who has ever started following the No Contact Rule knows about its relentlessness, even its cruelty sometimes.
But once we understand that the rule is actually there to protect us from even more pain, sorrow and disappointment – once we realize that breaking it means a huge leap backward in our recovery, following it gets a little bit easier.
But how do we come to such an understanding?
Well, first of all, many of us break the No Contact Rule before the 60 days run out and experience the devastating consequences.
This often works as a “reset” to get us back on track and motivates us to start the healing process finally.
Or we simply know and trust that breaking the rule means facing a completely changed Ex, and everything unpleasant that comes with it.
Sometimes the fear of such an experience is simply enough to keep you on track.
I miss you. I can't call, because it would only hurt me.
I found the above quote on a forum somewhere, and it really touched me deeply.
Standing there all on its own, an outcry of a bleeding heart.
The No Contact Rule and all its pitfalls condensed into just a few words.
A No Contact manifest.
Is the rule cruel? Oh yes, it is … but it is also just.
Use this quote as a reminder to hang in there, and to NOT contact your Ex. No matter how much you want to.
Your friend,
Eddie Corbano
Thank u luz!!…hope u still keeping up with the no contact rule!…it’s been really hard for me, everytime I feel like Im doing better and forgetting about him boom!…out of nowhere he calls me just to see how I am!…it’s like he wants to make miserable!…looking forward to read from you!!
Hello Antonia.
You are doing the right thing with the NC even feeling the way you are currently feeling. Keep on strong. I am in my 11th day of NC and there have been times when I felt desperate and all I wanted to do was to call him and make my pain disappear. However, I know this is not going to be the case. I have to go to a conference now but I will continue to write as soon as I get a chance.
I will tell everyone in here, please keep on the NC rule and just remember to take it one day at a time.
Together!!!!
I’m devastated…I was in a relationship for a year and a half with an amazing guy. We have our ups and down but always work it out. He treated me like a princess I have no complaints. We always break up and got back together but in the last break up he didn’t came back. He stop texting or calling me…nothing!…I call him and try to get back with him and he would told me that he love me but don’t call or text after. Im so sad and I’m always thinking about what I did wrong. I made a lot of mistakes when I was with him(not cheating) but I would do stupid things like fight over the simply things and he would try and fix things..i feel so guilty. i cant stop thinking about him..in the last couples of days we see each other he treated me so bad. I know I wasn’t the best person when I was with him but i would never do to him half the things he did to me. We live together for a year almost but always have trouble because his family didn’t like me. As Im writing my story here I feel so lost cause I don’t know why everything end up like this he never give me a reason, he always told me he has never love anyone the way he loves me. We stop talking for a month during that month I always receive private call and never answer but three day ago he text me telling me that he is sorry that he have been bothering me calling me private and tell me a lot of things about me like that I have lost a lot of weight and that my hair has grow( He work close and the parking of my work is in the same shopping where he works). I have decided to make the no contact rule not because I want to get him back but because I want to feel better about myself. This last months have been really difficult for me. I feel lost and have no confidence in myself..i hope I will feel better again!
Sorry for the mistakes english is not my first language!…thank u for reading me!!
So, 2 1/2 months later after he showed up at my door with flowers, promising me the world…. Little by little things went back to the same way due to his dad being ill. This time he passed away and he is acting so estranged from me… He came over once and I hugged and kissed him and he said its wrong for us to be together and he doesn’t feel anything emotionally towards anyone right now. 🙁 he told me to let him be. So I have.. But at the funeral his ex gfriend whom he thought he still lived 1 1/2 years ago came and he public ally thanked me and her for being there throughout this whole time!? I had no idea he was still in communication with her and he treated me like I was a stranger all day. Yet, he kept going to her table and talking with her and hugging her kids and I asked if he was going to sit by me to eat and he got all mad and said, don’t start with me right now!! He finally did sit down for about 15 minutes with me but couldn’t take his eyes off if her and she got up a couple if times and saw us and he seemed he didn’t want her to see us together. It was all Very strange! I felt humiliated. He hasn’t called me since and I haven’t called him. I feel that he stopped loving me after his father died and that he still has feelings for her and she does too. I feel devastated by the whole experience and definitely not secure in our relationship since he has been wanting time alone or with his family to mourn…. I could understand feeling depressed after a parent dies, I also experienced this when I was married and I didn’t change the way I felt about my husband afterwards. 🙁 feeling rejected and confused and depressed.
Hi T
I am in the exact same situation as you were. I am really just writing on the off chance that could shed some light on how you got over this. My fiancé of 4 years left me when his sister died. He said I didn’t support him because I never attended her funeral but I was unwelcome and his ex was there with their 3 kids. I didn’t want to cause any animosity especially on a day of mourning. I was there for him afterwards but he got involved with someone from his past at this time and they have now become an item. He denies it all but I know for a fact what is going on. I want to be able to just walk away from him with my head held high and my dignity in tact but I feel very hurt by his actions. He says he feels numb and he doesn’t have feelings for anyone right now. How can this be? After all our time together? Any advice on how you managed to move forward from your situation would be very much appreciated.
C X
The “No Contact” business is a cruel tease insofar as people use it ostensibly to move on but inwardly they long for reconciliation.
Act as if you’ve never heard that phrase and simply walk away and don’t look back. I say “simple” because walking away is simple; the difficulty is dealing with the pain but like an addict, if you stay clean for a few days or a few weeks, even a few months, but then go back to your drug of choice, you’re worse off and getting clean again is much more difficult.
Here’s the bottom line: if a relationship diminishes you in any way, get out. Pull the plug on the damn thing. It doesn’t matter how bad it hurts, in a month or so, just like trying to kick heroine, the worst will be over. It may take a few months before you wake up one day and to your utter astonishment you realize you really don’t want that person in your life.
For me, in one case it took about a month; in another, only a few weeks–the latter because I realized much sooner that I meant nothing to the person who meant everything to me. I took responsibility for making a bad choice and that empowered me. I was no longer a victim.
As long as you are at the mercy of this man’s choices, which you have NO control over (or his feelings) you will remain a victim and victims are powerless.
“No contact.” You don’t need that. Just realize it’s over and the reason is it’s over is not because he says so but because in your heart you know this is not what you want and the only way you can get what is best for you is to make the decision to seek it rather than obsessing about a guy who apparently does not want you in his life
To all heartbroken. I posted here awhile ago about breaking up with my wife. she basically cheated on me and moved with the guy for almost 3 months. the first two onths i was fighting for us. I went to her work place just to changed her mind and it didint work. i told her that how could you be witht he guy youve just met several months ago. i warned her too that what if i move on already and you try to comeback. all replied i got from her was a smirk from her face and sait i dont even know the guy. so basically shes defending him. the more i contacted her the more i got hurt. so on the third month i stoppped chasing her. cut all communication. i better myself. i hit the gym everyday. and then ive found out that she moved away from the guy already and went to her family. shes been texting me how sorry she was. how she cries everytime she thinks of what she did to me. she said she unhappy and living with regrets. now what should i do? shes still my wife. i dont know though if i still love her. definitely i dont trust her anymore. but i pity her knowing that she already have the best man of her life who is me but he just took me for granted.
I just break the rule! I was in my 3 day of NC but just this afternoon he texted.. saying sorry for hurting me. I was tempted to reply in viber. I felt happy when he text me. But after that i was hurt because i felt as if nothing will happen still.so i decided to start NcC again.hahahah today is my first. Hope i can reach 60 days….i jUst want to forget him and get rid of this pain
Today marks day 8 of NC and I’m beginning to realize that being sad, and constantly ruminating on “Why did this happen?” is nothing short of exhausting. While I’m proud of myself for not giving into the urge to talk to my ex, knowing that nothing good would come from the conversation, I can’t seem to stop asking why. I’m desperate to understand what the point was in loving a person to that extent, and having them love me in return, for it to just…end. I constantly question what it was that I could have done differently, or why I didn’t end up being good enough, and my faith is so shaken to know that you can put your heart completely in someone’s hands, completely trust and believe in someone else, and end up being so utterly let down. I miss him every single day, but I also miss having good self-esteem and faith in others. I don’t want to allow him to take that away from me; I want to continue to believe that love really does exist. I’m unsure of how to convince myself of it. I guess I’ll just continue on with NC, and hopefully after the 60 day mark I’ll have more clarity. I’m curious also- why 60 days? It seems so arbitrary? Why not 50 days, or 100 days, or “You should never talk to your ex again.” Any insight from those who are further along in the process than me would be greatly appreciated. Hope everyone reading this is having a good day.
Hi Lauren
I am only at day 13 of NC. Not much more than you but I do know that if you continue with the NC you will gain clarity. All the answers we desperately want really don’t matter at the end of the day. Think about it. Could you have done anything different? Sure! We all could have done many things differently in hindsight but that would not have made a difference to your ex who could turn their back and walk away.
I know in my heart that nothing I could do would change his decision to leave me and I also know that we are never 100% to blame. I still hurt everyday and pray that the heartache and pain will stop sooner than later.
10 days, 40 days, 60 days, I guess whatever works for you. I believe the goal is to get us to a place where we can see that this relationship is over and it wasn’t good for us. The reasons really don’t matter. The fact that they left and not willing to do the work to stay together says it all.
On September 7, I will be married for 10 years. He left me on June 11th and never looked back. I am so broken but we must believe that nothing lasts forever, including our heartache. NC hurts us more than it does them because they’ve moved on and left us in pieces.
I will try to remain hopeful and prayerful that we all pull through and love again. Ask yourself would the “why’s” change anything? It is what it is and the NC helps me to accept the things I cannot change. Everyday is a new day to continue to heal. Be strong and post here anytime. This website continues to help me during my darkest hours. God bless.
Lauren,
Realizing it’s exhausting is a big step. Only when I realized how much my thoughts and what I was doing to myself were hindering me from seeing the reality and moving on did I start to move forward. It took me a lot more than 60 days to get there. It may take a good deal of time to stop asking why. You’ll eventually come to the realization that you won’t understand it, and while trying to understand it is good to a point, if you’re obsessing over it and feeling like you need to change who you are, this is just doing more harm than good to you.
Coming from experience (I’m about 8 months out), it will get much better. You may not realize it, but when you look back at the 60 day mark you will have so much more clarity. I get more and more clarity every day, and I didn’t really start to feel better until I made the conscious decision to leave it behind me. Much like Eddie’s story, I was having lunch with an old friend, and he told me “Leave it behind you.” because he has a friend that has been dwelling on a divorce for 7 years.
For me, 60 days was just the beginning. after about 5 or 6 days I didn’t actually count, instead I set a timeline way in the future, like 4 months ahead. It wasn’t a set day, as then after that I would want to contact her. Instead it was just a “sometime mid-may” type thing.
Not that I still don’t have my moments, but like I said I didn’t really grow until I made the conscious decision to let go. It sounds like you’re in a good head space. Don’t let one person dim your light! You’ll get through this and find someone amazing!
Hello everyone 🙂 It’s 3.03 in boiling London and I can’t sleep. My boyfriend broke up with me via text on Monday afternoon. I had previously broken up with him last week Wednesday and realised I had a made a huge mistake. I had a bad vibe for a couple of weeks but tried to make excuses for his odd behaviour and then just got fed up and ended it. However I thought I might have been a tad impulsive and told him how sorry I was. He told me he was angry and hurt but we should try work on things because he still loved me. However his behaviour was still odd, his texts slowed down and his words weren’t warm. On Sunday we usually have a long chat on the phone but he said he was tired and would only call if he hadn’t fallen asleep. I got pissed off and sent him a text asking him how long he was intending of punishing me for. I got a reply on Monday afternoon where he ended it. He said his feelings had changed and doesn’t want a relationship with me or anyone else. He said he was sorry for making me suffer and that I was a wonderful person. He also said he knew he was breaking my heart and that he was sorry. It was a 2 part text and my reply was ‘Ok’. I then deleted every connection, picture, gifts and material memories I had of him. I have cried, talked to my friends about my heart break, can’t eat, can’t sleep and feel so down….but…the NO CONTACT rule is helping!!! Having no contact with the man who loved me, promised me a future, introduced me to his son and treated me like a princess, is hard. But it’s working. I am not doing this to get him back, I could never be with someone who gave up on our dreams and future, I’m doing it for ME!!! Yeah I have bad moments and I cry a lot of the time, but I’m fixing myself not the relationship he chose to throw away. Please use the NO CONTACT rule for yourself, as part of the healing process and not to get you ex back. This site has helped me breathe again and yeah there will be bad days but I won’t let his decision crush me and by having no news from him is actually a relief. Be strong and have faith in yourself. Only you can make the NO CONTACT rule work, Good luck 🙂
Sammie,
You’re in a much better mindset that I was over 7 months ago just after the sudden break-up with my girlfriend of 3 years, and even in a better mindset than I was just a couple months ago. You definitely have the power to get through this, if I could come back up from how low I was back then.
The no contact rule really does do wonders, and other than that, just time and self-reflection will help. Make sure you have a good support group around you. For the no contact period make sure to keep yourself busy, and make sure to do things you want to do, and do things for you, not things you ex would want!
When you’re strong enough to do so (you may be now), make sure you process your feelings, don’t distract yourself from them, as they’ll just keep coming back up.
Stay strong, you sound like you will have no trouble getting through this! If someone gave up on you, they’re not worth your time! It’s taken me months to really truly believe that.
Hi Sammie,
Your story is almost similar to mine. I have cried a lot and I now have chosen to move on. I am on NC day 3, a long way to go but it looks like it is the only way to go. It will be well.
Hi Sammie, I too think that this NC is work wonder on my recovery. I have started the NC soon after I breakup with my ex. He already cheated on me 3 months prior the breakup but I have only found out after the breakup. When we breakup he makes it sound like it is all my fault that the relationship didn’t workout. When I asked him what have I don’t wrong he can’t pin point it. His last words is ” I still love you and hugs me like he never want to release me. I’m so devastated about it. Few days later my girlfriend saw him with a new girl. After some detective work over online I found out he been cheating for the past few months. I feel upset and mad….I couldn’t fathom why he lie to me even to the day we breakup. I know the truth hurt but being lie to is even more worse. I try to confront him but he never pickup my call. Then I text him that I know. Even after that he never even say sorry for what he done. I feel so sad. It feels like he breakup with me all over again and this time even more horrible because I found out the betrayal. 2 weeks after the breakup he contact me again about returning my stuff. Even to that day no apology from him. I feel sad, angry and hopeless. What did I done so bad that I don’t even entitled for simple word as sorry from him? This is not the man who promise to marry me, introduced me to his parents as his future wife and threat me like a princess. He turn into a total stranger. So far I’m doing well in with the NC except whenever I heard from friends about him and his new girl. Since he work at the next building my colleagues often saw him with the new gf. It is hurt me everytime I heard about how romantic they are…Because my mind said it should have been me. I didn’t go out much from my office because afraid of bumping into them. I don’t think I can handle it just yet because whenever I heard about him and her I broke down and cry. I don’t have the urged to text or call him anymore. I blocked his FB so I don’t have to see his page anymore. I just want to feel better…But I still affected by whatever news that I heard about him. Maybe I’m resenting him for being happy and I’m not. I don’t know…I just don’t want to feel that way anymore. Its exhausting and affect my work performance. By the way today is 1 month after the breakup. After reading other people’s story I guess mine was not so awful…Though I still cry once in a few days whenever I miss that assclown.
Hello Sue:
I know where you are at. In those first few awful days after my girlfriend dumped me, trying not to think of her was like trying to sweep water uphill–always a losing battle.
However, at day 35, things are a little brighter. Tonight I walked to a popular restaurant row near my house and had dinner by myself. I did the same thing a few days after the breakup, and I was a wreck. When I’d see happy couples walking hand-in-hand, I felt like crying. Seeing the restaurants my ex and I went to was unbearable. Tonight…did I still think of her? Yes. Did I still miss her? Yes. BUT–that heavy black cloud of depression that was hovering over me the previous time was gone. Seeing happy couples walking by didn’t bother me–as a matter of fact, eating alone didn’t bother me, either.
So, it does get better, Sue. There are many helpful people on this website…feel free to post here anytime.
Hello. I have been seeing a man I met on the internet for four years, he will not commit to me and I know sees other women. He tells me he loves me but does not have the capability to commit to one person. We go through periods of being very happy together then he becomes distant and ignores me, I then become insecure and start questioning him about who he has been with or what he has been doing, he becomes very angry with me and we break up and don’t see each other for a while. We miss each other, get back together and the process begins again. I want to end things but I miss him and am always hopeful he will change. Any advice? Should I try no contact? Thank you.
Helen, I really feel for you. I think this phrase says it all: “he will not commit to me.”
I was dating a girl for six months. We were supposedly in a committed relationship, but I found out she still had her profile active on several dating websites, which completely broke my heart.
As much as I loved her, I realized she was not playing on the same level as me. I’m “over the hump” on NC (30+ days). Do I still miss her? Yes. Do I still think about her? Every day. BUT–it’s not the same crushing feeling, like you want to cry all the time that it was the first few days after the breakup.
Helen, in your heart you know what you have to do…
Hi Richard, firstly I thank you for replying to me and I really empathise with your situation. I know you will probably have been told this so many times but she doesn’t deserve you and you deserve to be with someone who treats you with love and respect.
I don’t know where to start with no contact, if I tell him that I want to break up he ignores me and that drives me crazy, after a few days he will then contact me as if nothing is wrong, I am always so happy to hear from him end up in the same situation, where he is in complete control again.
I have no idea how to get out of this as after four years im scared to be without him. I’m not young by the way, I’m 47. So I should have more sense by now.
I’ve got you beat, Helen, I’m 56 LOL!
Ah…wouldn’t it be nice if we could easily separate our hearts from our heads? In my head, I know she wasn’t right for me. My heart, however, tells me something completely different. I’ve never felt such a deep connection with someone–both emotional and physical. I’m the creative type (artist/writer/musician) and she had this wild streak in her that made me fall for her from our very first date.
It’s been over a month since she dumped me, but there hasn’t been a day that I haven’t thought of her. However, I do have to say that NC is the only way to go. I may wonder where she is, who she’s with, and what she’s doing, but that pales in comparison to actually KNOWING. That would be torture.
Helen, if you really are serious about moving on, no contact is a MUST.
Hi Richard,
My situation is similar in that my husband left me 6 weeks ago after 9 years. He was younger and from another country. He was wise beyond his years and also an artist and musician. Very popular in his country. I wanted to believe he was the soul mate I was searching for and I still believe that we have so much in common.
I think of him constantly and am only at the 4 day mark of NC. I am struggling trying to stay busy. What helps me along is to think he is suffering as well. That’s sick but it brings me brought even though it’s not reality. I need constant encouragement to not contact him. Sounds pretty needy but that’s where I am at this point.
Your words are encouraging and very realistic. I really appreciate everyone on this website. Thanks again for sharing.
Hi Helen, if it’s any consolation, I was going out with a guy exactly like, he didn’t wanna commit at all. He’d cheat on me and not care if I found out because he knew that I loved him. I know all about trying to break up and getting ignored. He does it because he knows that he’s got total control over you and the relationship.
It finally got to a point where I realised that I deserve better than what he was offering me, which was nothing. I finally left, and I opted for no contact, it’s been 14 days now and getting stronger. It is hard but you got to learn to look out for number one.
As long as you know that you deserve better you will eventually get the strength to walk away and not ever look back……..Stay strong.
Hey Helen,
I m 33. and I was in a very similar relationship for the last 16 years!!. The guy wouldn’t commit and would ignore me when i said i wanted to break up. and finally two months ago when i was away for a couple of months, he started going around with another girl. this is how he ended the relationship. there were two and a half months when i tried to call him, reason with him, bcoz i thought we were on the verge of marrying. he abused me and humiliated me and said he has never been happy with me. and this after my trying for years to do everything to make him happy.
Today is day 1 of my NC which i started again, after breaking down and calling him again. I will stick to NC, this time, no matter what. But in retrospect i feel like the relationship had ended years ago, and we were just dragging a corpse along bcoz i didnt have the guts to break up with this a*****e. He, too would be loving one time and cold and punishing at other times.
Just like you i was scared to be without him. I feel like just because i was scared to be without him, i wasted so many years. really.
I want to tell you, from what you have written, it sounds very similar to my relationship. and i know from my own experience, that a toxic relationship definitely means that there is some need to look inside us and an opportunity to grow and a find a new you. a beautiful, confident and happy you. or me, for that matter. 🙂 bcoz I am already realizing that I dont need this kind of a person in my life. suddenly a new world has opened for me, with an opportunity to grow.
Hope you start strict NC. a suggestion – maybe by sending the contact letter that Eddie has put up on the website somewhere.
Lots of strength to you.
I meet my bf nearly 5 months ago on dating site, during 4months he was so nice to me so I felt in love with him unconsciously. But the last meeting with him he changed totally his behavior he treated me like a trash then we argued he moved to other country and now I saw him on the dating site where we met. I completely freaked out 3 weeks then he came back saying he loves me, he wants me, he misses me but he contacts me less and keep staying far away from me. I didn’t contact him for 2 days then he texted me after that he kept silence even though I see him online he keeps saying he loves me, wants me, misses me, is busy, keeps in touch with me but silence after. it’s kind of torturing to my heart I know if I come back with him the same issues happen. I can’t accept the fact we are over and keep texting him I don’t want to block him. I put myself in a trap.
For sure try it. This a—– won’t ever commit to you he obviously already lost respect for you cause you kept taking him back.
Believe me been. There I took finally just make it final and who know if he changes good for him but don’t waste your time waiting for him.
Hi guys,
This is my first day in this blog,I find it so helpful as I’m going through a break up as well. We’ve been together for 17months. Our relationship was nothing but a rollercoaster ride, he’d break up with me most of the time if he doesn’t get things his way, then contact me again in a week or two afterwards saying he didn’t mean it…… He’s always ‘busy’ to spend time with because he’s running his small company alone. I’ve had to beg him to spend time with me and do things with me. I decided then to end things with him as I got tired of his mind games, he begged me stay saying he’ll work things out, only for him to just sit and not do anything showing that he wants to work on this relationship.
I’ve been lonely most of the time, when I raise that issue, I get accused of nagging and whining. I finally ended things with him last week. I want to cut contact but I find it hard because he owes me some money.
I know I deserve way better than him, but I just wish things were a bit easier.
I am on day four of NC with my ex husband and it is killing me. However, he has been pretty much blocking me and rarely responding to my emails, texts or phone calls for the last six weeks but occasionally called to chat during his lunch break previously when I went through bouts of not doing all of the wrong things, begging, pleading etc. Our story breaks my heart. I had been with him for nine years and married for two and a half years. I initiated the first break up because he didn’t seem committed to me or the marriage. There wasn’t much intimacy before our marriage and then it dwindled afterwards. Also, he wouldn’t communicate with me, he just didn’t want to talk to me. He seemed depressed and I responded badly to it. We were about to start IVF and had been to counselling sessions etc and I felt like I was making him do it. He didn’t seem interested in starting a family and it was like we lived two separate lives. He would come home from work, take the dog for a walk, play guitar, watch a DVD, eat dinner late, drink about five bottles of beer and then most nights go to bed with his clothes on or sleep on the lounge. This drove me nuts so we separated. At first I felt exhilarated then missed him so much so tried to work it out with him after about five weeks of our split. However, he didn’t want to come back. He now lived on the music side of town, closer to his friends and was getting his music projects going. All of sudden he had become this motivated individual. We kept in contact and all the while through I kept asking him could we work it out and he kept saying ‘no’. Anyway, after about five months of our split he decided to give it another shot. The process of getting back together took about five months and he made me sweat blood during those five months. I wanted to move in with him straight away but he kept saying he was unsure. Then when things were going fine or so I thought I went away to Nepal for work for three months. He said he would be waiting for me and to go and that it was alright and we were going to move in together as his room-mates had all moved out. Just before I was about to come home, after sending me loving emails etc he told me over Skype that he didn’t want me to come home anymore. I asked him if he was seeing someone and he said ‘no’. That night I packed my bags, ditching my job and flew home (spending thousands), it had been ten weeks since I saw him. When I got back he didn’t want to see me and told me it was over and was quite nasty, not really giving me a reason. I asked him if he was seeing someone and he said ‘no’. Last week I was at his place ‘visiting’ the dog and I found an extra toothbrush. He still denied he was seeing someone. I probed and probed and then found out the next day that while I was away he hooked up with a much younger co-worker and she had been coming around and they had been sleeping together ‘but only a few times and she wasn’t important to him’. I am devastated that he ditched me so cruelly but everyone said that they could see it coming. Despite this I still love him but I think he doesn’t want to continue. Anyway, I am trying the NC rule cause nothing else is working. I am overseas at the moment, he doesn’t know about it and I guess that helps. It has only been four days and I just feel like contacting him. The last two months since I came back I have been doing all the wrong things like begging and pleading. Stupidly up until last week I thought he just didn’t want to give it another go because he thought it was going to be alright at first but then go downhill after awhile (that’s what he told me). I couldn’t understand why he was thinking like this. Last week when I found he had been cheating I sent him a barrage of nasty texts of which I am not proud of. Help!!!
I just broke up this morning with the man I love so much. It’s the sad reality of relationship that time can turn something meaningful to something meaningless. Perhaps, this is the day that I have to stand to something I figured out months ago. I hope I can manage the no contact rule with him..
Although not going through a break up but a rejection, the no contact rule definitely applies to me. In quite possibly the strangest situation I’ve been in, I fell for a woman the moment I saw her but thing was, I wanted a relationship and she wanted a platonic friendship just as badly. I told her we should never contact eachother again but she never took me seriously. It took a total of three times (in the span of over a year) to make her realize that friendship was not a possibility between us. The first time I told her to stop contacting eachother, I broke the rule within 3 weeks. Then she broke it the 2nd time. The third time i told her, she finally got it and it truly felt like a goodbye. I just remember her saying “If I can give you what you want, I would. but I can’t.” and myself telling her “We don’t always get what we want in life. You don’t get the platonic friendship you want and I don’t get the girlfriend I want.” Such a strange situation but it kept life refreshing I guess. Back to the No Contact Rule. My brain hopes we keep it this time.
Sometimes, I think that finding someone to love, who wil love you equally in return is like winning the lottery. Not impossible, but the odds are against you.
Haloo Y’all,
i hear u people and true to it i will avoid contact with him. its hard! but i know with this kind of support i will get there..
Congratulations Grick. 🙂 thanks for sharing your words of inspiration.
Hi Anna, I agree with Wendy. Do the NC thing. For me it gave me back some self dignity and that was totally priceless. It also changed my mind when he did finally contact me that my mind was starting to change not necessarily that I didn’t want to be in a relationship but about what I was willing to accept. And without knowing my standards were plummeting and I was putting up with alot. It hurts like crazy, but it is worth it. Even though my ex wants to get back and gave me tons of promises I’m really scared and am staying on Eddies site, I doubt and told him I thought he would do it again. I am trying to take care of me now.
Very proud of all of you !!! It’s hard enough going through but all of us are going through right now I’m so glad that we can all be on here to talk to each other to support each other whole stranger’s all gathering on one blog to support each other it’s awesome thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts and giving me an inspiration To move forward and get on with my life to everyone out there who struggling with the decision whether to take their ex back or not please keep one thing in mind do you really want to work this hard at love?? I don’t — And we shouldn’t have to
hello all, just thought id write a little post as i really wanted some insight when i was at rock bottom. Today marks day 60 for me. and i thought that by day 60 i would be sweet to make contact with the ex and be friends and all that bull crap. truth is ive never been in a better place than i am right now. i have no desire to contact her, i havent for a while. i still think about her sure, but the time has done its thing in between day 1 and day 60 and the pain has subsided, the thoughts not so daunting, the day not so long and all my dreams and aspirations have been restored. I have learned so much along the way, focus on yourself, its the only thing you have control over. and when you reach day 60 you will know how far you have come, you will realise it was for the best and you will re-discover who you are. keep charging! never break that contact! and remember its called a break up because its broken.
Grick- Well good job you are an inspiration for others to follow I had to contact my ex after 30 days because I still have some of his furniture the email was supposed to be about that-Only but then I also wished him a happy birthday and also sent some heartfelt things about our relationship he is the one who cheated on me and I ended the relationship And we got into a very nasty split. He has never responded about the furniture or even said he was sorry to me I’m going to sell his furniture and I’m going to move on with my life all I wanted was closure I couldn’t even get that it’s strange though because I miss having him around but then I realized I think I missed the fact of being in a relationship not necessarily with him anyway life is too short I’m not going to Work this hard to keep a man in my life I deserve better anyway your so true and saying take care of yourself first and there are more fish in the sea!!!
Day 5 no contact broken. 🙁 he showed up at my door with flowers after he discovered I blocked him. Saying To please let him in. Fact is me and my son were getting ready to go to my moms house and were going to step out any minute. I would not let him in and he gave me a whole explanation from outside my screen door. I told him I could not allow myself to open up my heart to get hurt again by his constant rejection of the relationship. He admitted to not wanting to get hurt himself and discovered by protecting himself he is still hurt from not letting me in. I feel really drained about the whole thing and Warrens message about its really about the way you’re treated not so much about them, totally had a profound meaning. I told him we were just leaving and he promised me the world. I’m scared, confused, hurt and numb. And am going to my class tonight and don’t have the energy to think about all this right now. 🙁