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The Number 1 Tip To Survive The Holidays After A Break-Up

Photo by: maubrowncow

Here they are again – the dreaded holidays. Every “Dumpee’s” nightmare.

Before, this was usually the time of the year when you and your Ex were together, visiting relatives, sitting around the Christmas tree, enjoying the free time.

What will most likely happen this year is that happy memories will flood you, bringing you brutally back to the reality that now everything will be different.

But this is where you are mistaken – different doesn’t have to be bad.

I’ve written quite a few “holiday-survival” tips for people suffering from the consequences of a break-up over the years.  Here is an example for you to read:

How To Survive The Holidays Alone

But this year I wanted to take another approach.

I’m going to give you the ONE single, best tested, and proven tip showing how to tackle the holidays as a breakup survivor.

Additionally, we will do something new – a round of gratitude.  (I’ll get to that in a minute).

The Number 1 Holidays Survival Tip For “Dumpees”

There are two main problems we have to deal with as the holidays approach after a break-up:

  1. Too much free time, which leads to obsessive overthinking
  2. The inability to separate the holidays from your Ex

If you manage to control these two factors, you are more or less out of the woods.

But everyone who has been there knows that this is a huge challenge to master.

While you can try the usual precautions and remedies, like planning lots of distractions, or practicing mind-control and meditation, there will always be moments when you fall back into the same thinking patterns.

What you should do – and I cannot recommend this enough – is to re-wire the holiday memories you have with your Ex, and pursue a new way of celebrating Christmas.

Enter unknown territory by getting out of your comfort zone and return to the original meaning of the holidays – beyond all of this commercial madness.

Start to GIVE back to your local community by helping those who are in need of help.

I’m talking about soup kitchens, homeless shelters, nursing homes or hospitals.

There are websites like VolunteerMatch.org or ServeNet.org to help you find the projects and charities in your local area which best suit you and are in need of help.

I know that it is hard to do anything at the moment… even getting out of bed requires a huge amount of willpower. But you have to get out there eventually, and while you do, why not do something productive?

“GIVING helps people who desperately need your help, and at the same time it does something to you in an unbelievably positive way”

Find a way to get out there and help “with your hands” as opposed to writing letters, making donations or anonymous giving.

Don’t get me wrong, these things are necessary too, but I found that it is even more effective for your break-up recovery to see the faces of those you helped personally. When you offer someone honest help, you shouldn’t expect something in return, but you CAN expect to feel very good about yourself.

It has an effect upon yourself that you shouldn’t underestimate.

You will feel needed, purposeful and energized.

Recently, during a family vacation, we came by a woman who stood in front of a food store. She stopped us and said that she needed a bar of butter to feed her children. My wife was quicker than me.  She went into the store and returned with a huge bag full of various food.

When she handed it to her, the woman burst into tears, took my wife’s hand and kissed it.

It was a very intense moment, and our kids asked us lots of questions about it. They would never forget it.

What I want to say is that GIVING helps people who desperately need your help, and at the same time it does something to you in an unbelievably positive way.

And you really NEED this positive energy boost right now after your break-up. Especially now, during the holidays.

So leave your comfort zone, go out and get your hands “clean”.

A Round Of Gratitude

When you are pushed into an emotional roller-coaster after a break-up or divorce, it is so easy to lose track of the good things in your life.

They appear irrelevant, non-existent. All there is, is the loss you’ve suffered.

So it’s a good thing when we remind ourselves daily of all the things we are grateful for, the blessings in our lives.

It can help us to shift away our focus.

That is why we are doing a round of gratitude on this site, ( for the first time ever), and I’d like YOU to participate.

Let us engage in some serious soul-searching.

Let’s list 3 things that we are most grateful for right NOW in our life.

Come on, I know they exist.

It could be mundane things like thankfulness for your newest electronic toy or that the sun was shining the whole day.

Or, be thankful for meaningful things, like your health, your family or your job.

It is your choice. What’s important, however, is that you really mean it and don’t fall into “thankfulness clichés”.

Only if you mean it and feel the positive energy of gratitude will you profit from it.

After you write those 3 things in the comment-section below, I want you to write them again on an index card and carry it with you wherever you go.

Every time you feel lowi or you fall into the overthinking-trap, pull out this piece of paper and allow yourself to fully get back into gratitude-mode. Experience it consciously and see all negativity fade away.

Please don’t fall into the “I-know-that-already-trap”. Just do this. You won’t regret it.

I wish you all happy holidays and a happy new year. May it be the best year you’ve ever had, filled with self-love, acceptance, new experiences, opportunities and inspirational people.

Take care of yourself.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

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29 Responses to The Number 1 Tip To Survive The Holidays After A Break-Up

  1. Eddie Corbano December 17, 2013 at 12:58 pm #

    I’ll make the start:

    1. I’m thankful for the smile and laughter my twins give me every day
    2. I’m thankful that my parents are still around
    3. I’m thankful for the killer-cookies my wife just baked 🙂

  2. Williette December 17, 2013 at 6:34 pm #

    I am thankful for my daughter, she survived a fatal coma in March 2013.
    I am thankful for a roof over my head and my comfortables linens.
    I am thankful for family and all of our good health.

  3. Farnam December 17, 2013 at 8:10 pm #

    1.I am thankful for my mummy and my best friend. They are always there for me.
    2.I am thankful for being able to do sports.I feel “high” while I am doing any kind of sport.
    3.I am thankful for studying medicine, and the smile I am going to put on people’s faces.

    And I survived my first holidays after my break-up 4 months ago, and it was the most productive holidays I ever had, because I wasn’t supposed to wait for someone before programming my days, a person who didn’t care about me and my holidays as much as I do myself.

  4. Susan December 18, 2013 at 2:22 am #

    I am thankful I was able to make 4 new friends since my breakup which strengthens
    my support system and me for the future.

    I am thankful that I found Eddie and learned so much from him.

    I am thankful I am able to hike and enjoy the outdoors.

  5. Sourav Kr. Sasmal December 18, 2013 at 6:40 am #

    I am thankful for the unconditional love from my Parents.
    I am thankful for what I have achieved so far in Life.
    I am thankful to God & Eddie Corbano for keeping the Faith alive.

    I wish you all Happy Holidays…may the New Year bring the best in You All..!

  6. Ruth December 18, 2013 at 11:32 am #

    1. I am thankful to have my whole family with me and they’re able to support me every step of the way
    2. I am grateful that I have a stable job
    3. I am thankful that I have honest, loving, loyal and supportive friends who have been with me always and accepted who I really am.

    • Susan December 18, 2013 at 9:44 pm #

      That’s great Ruth, that you have a wonderful family and friends.
      Most of my family is either deceased(some died young) and
      the couple remaining aren’t close or supportive to anyone.
      During my breakup one of my long-time friends minimized what
      I was going through so I have given her less
      of my time and energy and learned how to become my own
      best friend with self-love affirmations that Eddie teaches,
      and have made new friends. I am glad though, Ruth,
      that you didn’t have to struggle like I did to find support and
      its awesome that you appreciate your family and friends and
      are grateful for them.

    • Tammy December 19, 2013 at 4:45 pm #

      I wish to have your no. 2 for Christmas.

  7. Elisa Brentwood December 19, 2013 at 4:54 am #

    I am thankful for my Family who has been always there for me.
    I am thankful for the healthy foods on our table
    I am thankful for my not-so-ordinary but amazing life!

    XOXO

  8. Tammy December 19, 2013 at 4:43 pm #

    1. I am thankful I am ALIVE and WELL.
    2. I am thankful for my sister who supports me in my dire need.
    3. I am thankful for basic things that I have to survive the daily life.

    Thank you for this article Eddie. Just what I needed to read today. Happy Holidays everyone!

  9. B. Andrea December 20, 2013 at 10:36 pm #

    1. I am thankful for my parents and my two good friends for all their support.
    2. I am thankful for receiving a bursary to help finance my studies.
    3. I am thankful for grilled panini sandwiches, since they are delicious and convenient.

  10. B. Andrea December 20, 2013 at 10:51 pm #

    Is it okay if I add three more? The funny thing with this exercise is that once you start, you keep finding more and more things to be thankful for! 🙂

    1. I am thankful for having a break from school so I can have some room to grieve a recent breakup.
    2. I am thankful for the mentorship of one particular professor who really inspires and encourages me.
    3. I am thankful that Eddie created this website, and that people have been helped by it.

    • Eddie Corbano December 21, 2013 at 11:24 am #

      Of course…

      By the way, I love Paninis. When I was in Italy I gained 10 pounds because of them :).

  11. Kit December 24, 2013 at 3:32 pm #

    Today is 5 months since I left my ex, and day 57 of no contact…my #1 thing i’m grateful for is the inner strength I have. Strength that keeps me from compromising my core beliefs, my integrity, my self worth & my dignity…even though I did the leaving, this breakup has been the most difficult, heart breaking events of my life. However, my #2 thing I’m grateful for is the breakup itself – it brought me back to the real me – the me I worked my whole life to become, and the me I am most comfortable being – I lost her in the chaos of my relationship with him – I’m grateful the breakup allowed me to find that me again- I not only love who that is, I really like her!….my #3 thing is you! – all of you!…Eddie, for the site & all the advice & support, and all of the amazing people who share their stories & provide support & words of encouragement – I am truly grateful!…warmest regards & holiday wishes – Kit

  12. anne December 25, 2013 at 1:16 pm #

    Definitely greatful for this website and all the self help tips.. put a whole new spin on my at the time miserable attitude:) THANK YOU!!! I will be able to tackle tomorrow which happens to be Christmas!

  13. Brenda December 28, 2013 at 11:27 pm #

    Hi Eddie
    1. Thankful for my dear Dad who is 92 today-I was blessed to be able fly across Canada and celebrate with him this Christmas.

    2.Thankful for good health colonoscopy was ok and the skin cancer that i had was basal cell-not harmful.

    3..Thankful for Eddie Carbano and all the joy and good he brings to this world-that I can access his wisdom at 3am when I can’t sleep or function and he steers me to better things!
    Love to you and yours Eddie you make a difference! you are a blessing indeed!

    • Eddie Corbano December 29, 2013 at 11:48 am #

      Thank you so much Brenda for the kind words. I hope you had wonderful Christmas days with you Dad (mine is 75).

      Your friend,
      Eddie

  14. Ash December 30, 2013 at 1:14 am #

    1. I’m thankful for my loving parents and understanding family that have supported me throughout.
    2. I’m thankful for my faith in God and finding solace in my faith to understand and get through this difficult time, including stumbling across Eddie’s site, I’ve not found any other coach as helpful and I would certainly recommend this site to anyone.
    3. I’m thankful for my job and on reflection can think of many more positives and things to be grateful for, all of which minimises the pain and hurt and helps me to focus my thinking on other than the breakup.

    • Brenda December 31, 2013 at 11:51 pm #

      Happy New Year to everyone!!–while 2013 has brought heartache,sadness,depression at times it has also forced reflection and growth.To have this site to access has been some kind of miracle-to have the tools to try to piece yourself back together amazing!I certainly would be another year floundering and lost if it were not for these articles and understanding the 60 day no contact rule.
      While I still hurt and am not ready to date again I have come to understand that this is a process we must all encounter at some point in life.To be able to find support and a great coach who has been there well words cannot express what this site gives to us.
      I still have up on my wall “I miss you and can’t call you because it would only hurt me”.
      I can’t tell you the number of times I have wanted to reach for that phone but look hard at that saying and stop in the nick of time.
      I also have up there “how empty of me to be soo full of you”.I fashioned my whole world around someone else and the growth is that no longer will I solely depend on one person for happiness.I am happy being me and I will have my own interests and if I find someone who will compliment my life and want to have an us but still have their friends and outside activities then I know I will have succeeded.
      To all of you struggling take heart,look deep within yourselves use the tools presented here and feel the love of other human beings on this site.You hurt because it mattered and you will heal again-look at Eddies smiling face! hes been there and done that ,
      all the very best to each of you! asking for peace and love in 2014!
      Brenda

  15. Dmitry January 4, 2014 at 3:43 pm #

    1. I am thankful for my childhood’s best friends that nowadays still make the effort to stay in touch with me even if we heavily argued in the past.
    2. I am thankful for my good health.
    3. I am grateful that I achieved quite good school results in these hard months.

  16. chai January 8, 2014 at 3:38 pm #

    1.Thankfull for the three amazingly loving friends I have and can take with me wherever I go.
    2.Thankfull for the two eyes I have even if they are crying non-stop these days 🙂
    3.Thankfull for having an Eddie who says ‘your friend’ each and every time.

    Thank you.

    Chai

  17. Alex January 20, 2014 at 2:19 pm #

    Really nice advice, helping or volunteering both benefit the doer and the receiver.

    1. I am thankful to have good friends and family.
    2. I am thankful that I can pay my bills and not be hungry.
    3. I am thankful that I have things to be thankful for daily.

  18. Candy August 18, 2014 at 2:58 pm #

    1. I am thankful for my family who have cushioned my fall and protected me from more hurt.

    2. I am thankful that I can see and walk and have a healthy body.

    3. I am thankful for there are kids in my house, who cheer me up.

  19. Scott K. September 24, 2014 at 4:48 am #

    I am thankful for this web site and being able to read it through the streeming tears. Just hate being me for the last 15 months. This was something of positive substance………..Thank You.

  20. Susan November 3, 2014 at 11:09 pm #

    I made it to day 15 of no contact then I felt I really needed some sort of closure on our almost 6 year relationship. We had a fight on Thanksgiving Monday Oct 13th in Canada. I wasn’t planning on having a fight that night but we did. Then we had a quick 5 mins phone conversation two days later ending our relationship. I felt we didn’t have closure. Some small piece of me thought he would come to his senses and say yes I am an asshole.
    He has always excluded me for years in any of his family holiday activities. I remember Christmas/New Years that he didn’t even ask me what my plans are, did I have anything to do? I would be so upset that I wouldn’t even want to be with my family for christmas/New years. Then Jan 2nd would come and he would be back and tell me all about his wonderful time with his kids and family. Then over the years of me crying he would invite me to holiday functions but just me because he didn’t want anything to do with my son. So I would be torn up inside to go to his family functions without my son. Having his family ask me how my son is and my mom is yet they never met them. As I’m writing this I feel like such a stupid bitch seeing it in print. Why would I stay with someone like this for so long??? UGH! lesson learned!
    So being alone over the holidays is not new to me. I have lived it for 6 years. I thinks it’s worse when you are in a relationship and are excluded from their life over the holidays. The fight we had 4 weeks ago was me simply asking if this christmas perhaps my mom/son could finally meet your parents and brother family. The reaction he gave me made me realize that this man is never going to allow me in his life the way I need to be. I snapped and all the resentment I had building up in me for years came out. It did feel great to release that, and I knew bringing up this issue would make us break up. I just want this emptiness,sadness and pain to go away! I have no plans to ever contact him again, I got my closure now I need to work on me. rant over

  21. Kasey Bella Luna November 30, 2014 at 9:00 am #

    1.) I am grateful for my friends. Ali who helps me to see life in both a local and world view. Sonette, who is so positive the very air is charged with goodness Talitha who with her hands births beauty, and Nishi, who tells me to keep going. These women have taught me lessons of life and love, of giving and receiving with open eyes and arms. I could still be strong; I could bend and play in the storm and not break.

    2.) I am grateful for my boys. I saw them together the other day, all grown. Taking time out from working hard to play hard, tease and compete with each other, in good fun. But if I stumbled keeping up with their youthful energy, they were at my side to offer a steadying arm. It is weird, bittersweet, and lovely to see the tide turning…I took care of them, and now they watch over me. Ryan and Vinny, my guys…no Mom could be happier or more greatful than I am to have us all together again.

    3.) I’m good at helping others bridge perceived gaps in their lives.This year I am grateful to finally learn cross onto the bridge myself. It has to do with learning self-respect. Eddie’s site has helped with that. I am opening myself up not to just giving, but learning to take gracefully the opportunities before me to create a full and happy life. I can see it happening, and I’m so grateful for all the people who have joined me on the bridge!

  22. chris December 9, 2014 at 5:11 pm #

    I am thankful for my dogs Sugar and Muchacho and their unconditional love.
    I am thankful to have a house to live in.
    I am thankful to have a job.

  23. joanne March 15, 2016 at 12:51 am #

    I am thankful for:

    1. The opportunity to be creative in my business.
    2. My children are independent and happy
    3. My Husband unfailing support and understanding.

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