thank you!

Thank you for this article it has really helped me realize a few things. I have tried all of your suggestions to get my mind of off my ex (whom broke up with me 2 months ago after 1 year). I completely cut off contact 1 week ago after my texting him and calling him on occasion over the past 2 months. We saw each other a few times (dinner 2x and him coming over once to help me with my house) since we broke up. I am way to aware that I am nowhere near being over him let alone having even excepted that I will never see him or talk to him again and that tere is my question. How do I deal with the overwhelming sadness and borderline feeling of panic at the thought that I will never see or talk to the man that I fell in love with and still truly love to this day? Just the idea makes me sick to my stomach because of my feelings towards him. He’s 26 years old but emotionally he is 18 and I figured that out maybe a little to late. However, I excepted him and loved him for who he was. I fell in love with the man he someday wanted to be and that he did try to be with me. I knew that with time he would catch up but I was looking forward to the time in between. I myself am 25 years old and I know that I have a long life ahead of me but that does not make the present any easier to handle. I would love Any help you can offer me in what feels like a desperate time. Thank you so much again.

Hey buddy,
Man this is great advice! Breakups are pretty hard but a necessary part of life.

I think that the most important thing to remember during a breakup is that you really have to control your thoughts.

The one thing that i noticed over time … is that when you just beakup and you think about the other person and what they are doing and attempt to control how they feel and what not.

You always feel upset and in no control of your emotions.

So during these times … like you said, its good not to put yourself in situations where these emotions are drawn out.

Its all about replacing habits. Instead of thinking about your ex. Start thinking about how amazing your next partner will be.

Instead of thinking about all the things you could or could not have said, then start thinking about all the lessons that relationship taught you so that you can have better ones in the future.

Doing this .. makes the break up process a whole lot easier.

Hot Alpha Female

http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com

I found that the only thing that saved me during those desperate days and nights following my last break-up, was hypnosis, meditation, and journaling. I carried a notebook everywhere I went to help process those feelings I had to let out, and did not want to share with others. I would even be sitting at a red light, and something would come to mind, that I just had to get out. That feeling that you have to tell him, all went into the book, and help relieve some of the almost uncontrolable urge to call him and tell him.

The one thing you haven’t touched on is getting rid of electronic evidence of your ex. I’ve gone through my house and tried to get rid of everything that reminds me of my ex, although I think that depending on how long you were together, it’s almost impossible. I met my ex in Haiti and I was passionate about Haiti (I have Haitian art and things) before she came along. But now that she’s gone, all my Haitian stuff reminds me of her. Also, the TV we bought together reminds me of her. It’s a little impractical to get rid of everything since many of the things that are in my house now are things that we bought while we were together. I’ve just got to learn to disassociate those things from her.

But back to my original comment, and probably more common amongst the geeks, is email. I have every single email that my ex ever sent to me and I’m not sure what to do with it. All of the romantic conversations and expressions of enduring love are in there. All of the funny songs and phrases we sent to each other are in there. What should I do with those? I don’t want to lose them. I want to preserve them. But looking at them in my inbox is dangerous. So, what do you recommend we should do with things like that?

keep up the good work!

Mark

hi eddie, thanks so much for creating this website…i am going through my first break up, and reading about the action oriented positive words towards dealing with it are making me feel a little bit more like i am in control and this too shall pass…… although it seems very difficult…at the moment…

thanks again,
dhvani.

Some excellent tips in this article.

Thanks so much!

I cant even begin to describe how much this website has helped me. On this topic here I actually found a GREAT link to a proven method of detaching emotions from events -

http://www.buildfreedom.com/tl/tl12.shtml

These methods have changed my life, it took months to get freeze framing down but my stress level and overall mental outlook is changed forever.

I got rid of every shred of evidence of our relationship. Tore the pictures up, trashed the gifts. Deleted every email and chat log. Blocked him from all sites and accounts. I wish I could talk to him again- but why? This will make it easier on both of us, I know it. Its the least to be done. I just want to move on. So this is how I am trying to. I love this man with all my being and always will. But there is a saying:

aur bhi dukh hain zamaane mein, mohabbat ke sivaa.

This always helps me. It means “there are other agonies in this land, other than love”. This, too, shall pass and there is so many other things to focus on in life. Only thing is, I have cut him out of my life and usually dont think about him (even though it has only been one day since our break-up) but his memories linger. I have accepted the fact that I lost the love of my life and even if I got him back, what would I do with him? The damage done to our relationship was irreversible and I caused it. So now I just want to forget, forget, forget and forget and move on. Time will tell, I suppose…

Excellent article. One thing that was critical for me goes along with thought control. That is positive self-talk. A lot of times we have a tendency to find fault with ourselves as a result of the failed relationship. I am also easily susceptible to deep depressions if I ever start allowing myself to wallow in self-pity. I found that to avoid this I must not only control my thoughts, but actively talk to myself about positive things. I do this a lot through affirmations. To me, affirmations do not have to be these great, inspired sentences; they just have to be something simple that is right for you. Doing this has helped me to make drastic changes in my life.

Also, we have to have the dogged determination to do the things mentioned in this article consistently, especially when we want to the least.

@Danielle - Danielle - Not sure if you are still out there reading this, but I understand completely how you must be feeling. I recently lost someone from my life that I loved more than I have ever loved anyone in my life. I will always feel love this person, until the day I die (which I thought I was going to do initially). The one piece of advice I got, which I hated to hear, was to give it time. We have to allow ourselves the time to mourn the loss of our relationship (not the same thing as dwelling on it) and with time the pain will lessen. This ended up to be good advice. Although the pain is still deep and will never completely go away, it has now become much more manageable and I can actually enjoy life again. One quote that I have come to completely disagree with , though, is that “time heals all wounds.” No, it doesn’t. Sometimes it only allows us to be able to put internal space between our present life and the pain of the past. This, in turn, allows us to control it more so it does not continue to consume us.

My thoughts, for what they are worth….

Words fail me to express how appreciative I am. Thank you sooooooooo much.