We have all been in this situation – you meet someone very special, you fall in love, everything is perfect. Suddenly, it turns out that this very special someone has to go far, far away for college, a better job, an expedition – you name it.
You then have two choices: breaking up, or to go for a long distance relationship.
I have been receiving many e-mails since posting my article about how to make a long distance relationship work. People have been asking me if they should go for a it or not.
They want to know if it will it turn out well, for how long is it ok, and so on.
I try to answer every e-mail as detailed as possible. But in the majority of cases, my response is usually, “Yes, I would always go for it – if you feel it is special, if you have a clear time frame, if you are willing to follow the rules I've stated, and last but not least, if you believe in it.
Many of you have had a failed LDR in your past, so your hopes and expectations regarding those kind of bonds are not high. For this reason, I have decided to list some benefits of a these kind of relationships to make your decision easier, and to give you some hope as well.
You are not alone.
There are hundreds of thousands of working relationships over a long distance around the globe.
I said that I usually always recommend to go for it, however there are a few exceptions.
If the duration of the separation is unusually long, and the chance for monthly meetings is extremely low, it is going to become very hard.
In that case, I recommend to really think it over, especially if you are very young.
I am well aware that it is very difficult to say no to the relationship because of rational reasons, but eventually that would end up being the best decision. Otherwise, it may lead to frustration, anger and pain.
But for now, let's assume that you have no more than one year or so to go, and you know that you can follow the 10 rules.
Here are the top 5 reasons why you should go for a long distance relationship:
1. Better sorry than safe
There is nothing sadder than a missed opportunity.
A very wise man once said to me, “I never regret things I've done, but I regret many things I have not done”.
You never know how things are going to be before you try them. Every single experience, good or bad, enriches your life in some way. They build the foundation for decisions in the future. They make you wiser and build up your self-esteem.
Not to mention that in every missed opportunity, you may have missed the love of your life.
All the good things in life involve a certain risk, but the biggest risk in life is missing out.
Think about that.
2. You gain time for other things
“Finally I can take the Spanish course”.
A LDR isn't as time consuming as a regular relationship. You can use the free time to reach your personal or job related goals.
You have more time for your career, friends, hobbies and family.
3. It's the ultimate test of seriousness
“I really mean it baby”. Now you can prove your commitment.
There is no point enduring such a difficult challange if you don't mean it, and if you are not fully committed.
It just doesn't work. After a few weeks or months, the first man/woman that comes around that you feel an attraction to will make you forget about your relationship..
So, this is a test on whether or not you are committed and suitable for each other for a long term relationship.
Of course, this only applies to couples who were together before they were separated by distance.
If you've met in a chat room, then it's the other way around.
4. You learn to treasure those rare moments together
Fact is, you'll probably see each other only 1-2 times a month, if that much. These rare meetings will be an explosion of passion and love. All of the longing will focus into this short meeting.
It's a good lesson to understand what really matters in a relationship.
5. You really get to know each other
It is much easier, and actually much more natural to get to know somebody through e-mail. All of the outside stuff is left out. It is easier to open up, and you can learn about the inner world of your partner.
No pretending, no beautifying.
This also makes the meetings more intense.
There you have it, some thoughts as to why you should take a chance and go for it.
Please do me two favors.
Tell me your thoughts about this. Have you survived a love over distance? Why would you recommend it? I'm looking forward to your comments.
The other thing is, please participate in the following survey. I'm really interested to see how many of you would go for it again.
(survey closed)
I hope that I gave you some insights which will help you make the decision. Don't take it too easy, a relationship with miles between you is very hard, but it could give you so much in the end.
Ask me about it!
Your friend,
Eddie Corbano
I’m in the military and I’m 21. Most people say I’m too young to settle down and think about the future. But I do and I see no issue with wanting to be with someone. I’m with this guy and he is 19. We have been together for three months. In 3 more months I am to be shipped to Germany for 2 years.
I want to try for long distance but he doesn’t think that will work. He wants to continue what we have then become friends.
I can’t do that.
I can’t watch him move on after investing so much in our relationship. So I don’t know. I was hoping you had suggestions?
This really helped me because i am forced to write an essay that includes five reasons on why i should go out with my boyfriend and give it to my mom or else i wont be able to continue seeing him with her consent. This is all true and very very helpful.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 months now almost 6 , but I’ve known him way more than 5 months he’s been my best friend for like a year now , I love him so much I met him for the first time in March and honestly I felt such an amazing connection with him , we clicked so well I’m 16 and he’s 17 I had moved to Orlando and he lives in Miami after I left to Orlando that’s when he decided to ask me out so we did it for 2 months and now currently I’m in Miami because my dad lives down here and I come visit and I feel like this is just some type of fantasy I’ve been seeing him a lot during the summer and I just don’t want it to be some stupid summer romance because I’ve really gained feelings for him and when I go back to Orlando I know how hard it is going to be all over again and I just don’t know how to deal with it I know he loves me and he tells that he’s willing to work anything out with me but I just don’t know it if would be worth it at the end ):
Hey, Im only 15 atm but that doesnt matter to me or him because hes only just turned 16 so were both the same age but he lives in belgium and im in England and I think hes coming over here for the summer holidays. I met him over the game minecraft ik it sounds silly but I love him to bits, we just clicked and weve been going out now for couple of months and i know its not long but i know for a fact that he is the one for me always cheering me up always there for me and he makes me feel so beautiful and special. We skype almost every day and night and his family are lovely and he wants to come join me in england when he can and i really want him to I love him. So i believe that yes, long distance relationships can be a very good thing because all that love you build up between eachother trust me things can get very spicy between you both but thats a good thing because when you finally do meet all of this love youve kept in will explode and you will feel so happy honestly i cant wait to see him hes everything to me. I know its rich coming from a 15 year old girl but I know what love is we all do when we find that special person. good luck all of you
I met this guy on Facebook. I met him because of this Godly Dating page on Facebook. We are both Christians. We started talking when he asked me if i live in London. HAHA. But i said no, it is just my dream to live there. I am from the Philippines and he is from California, USA. Months go by talking until we became bestfriends. And last June he told me that he likes me already and he wanted to pursue me. And now, its been five months since he started pursuing me. We haven’t since each other personally. but we always talked over the phone. message on facebook. We also Skype. and it is really different. There is always an excitement. I am also excited that next year he will going to visit me. So the secret is trust, love and Christ at the center of it all.
I met and fell in love with a man from Senegal Africa. All we want to do is be together we talk every single day. I leave him a message before I go to bed and he has one for me the next morning. I was so afraid that he was scamming me until i thought he was asking me for money and tried to break things off with him. He called me 50 time unti I answered the phone. And he told me that i had misunderstood what he was saying. He writes me poems and never forget to tell me he loves me. I have been without a man for ten years by choice and now all i want to do is love him he is so sweet that he seems unreal. He always puts me first even when I act stupid he still loves me.
What to do? My partner was about to have his first travel as a tourist on abroad for uncertain time. I am bisexual, and I truly learned how to love him so much more than he could imagine. I am scared loosing him but letting him go is the first best thing to do. I knew his reason, and it’s for good. But I have a slight doubt for what will happen next right after he move out. Am just 20 year old and he is 39. We live in for a year, we both felt very special in every day of our daily life. And i Iove those times like I never want it to be gone. But our separation are really near to come. Many of questions runs out from my mind. What if he found someone? What if he realize I am not that worth? What if he change his mind? Though I trust him. Yes I trust him with all my heart. What to do?
…I am about to start a long distance relationship…or else that is what I thought ..what do you think if my bf is like scared and he thinks year and a half is too much?…I am really committed with this relationship and I’ll do it…but I think he is not sure…we have been together (living together) for over a year….I’d to know your thoughts. Thanks
I met my boyfriend on deviantART, I was 16 and him 18. I live in the states, and him in South Africa. I saw his comment on one of my friends’ journals, and I decided to reply to him because what he said was related to what had happened to me in the past. We became friends after chatting for awhile and about a year later I confessed my feelings to him, saying that I was in love with him. He confessed his feelings too and ever since August 11th 2012 we have been a couple. We never fought, not once, even before we were dating. But we had our misunderstandings which would upset my sweetheart, but we always talked things through and worked things out together. Those were the best moments that I cherished, because of how we were able to communicate in such a way that was beautiful to us. But tonight I asked him where he would move out if he were to afford it, and he said the Netherlands, as that is his favorite country. But I told him that if I were to meet him, I wouldn’t be able to understand anything because the official language is Dutch. But he told me that he won’t be able to move out anyway because the economy in his country is so bad… And I was upset because I couldn’t be able to meet him then, since he lives in a very dangerous city and he doesn’t want me to go there because he’s afraid I’ll get raped and or killed. I then said that I didn’t care of it was too dangerous, nothing will stop me from seeing him. But he said that he’d rather have us have an online relationship for the rest of our lives rather than having me risk my virginity and life. I became depressed from reading that and cried. I still want to be with my boyfriend because I live him unconditionally…but I just don’t know what to do, because I really want to meet him in person…
I’ve been kind of dating a guy for almost four months and we see each other 2 times a month and sometimes it’s difficult because I don’t know how serious we’re going and I’m afraid to ask him because I think he will see it as insecurity and run away but most of the time he makes me forget about the distance
I have been dating my boyfriend since halfway through freshman year of highschool and so it has almost been two years. I moved the summer after freshman year so 3/4 of our relationship has been a LDR. This past summer I broke up with him because of all the pressure I felt from the relationship. He didn’t understand my reasoning. Because he thought I didn’t love him any longer but of course I love him. All my friends and even my parents were upset or surprised that I broke up with him and so the breakup lasted just over 24 hours. He asked me to try again because I said I would always love him and hold a place in my heart for him. We decided to spend three weeks not communicating to allow me to decide whether I wanted the relationship or not. The problem was that I wanted the relationship but I felt then and still feel that when we aren’t together I just don’t have him. I write a letter to him every week and send him bits of my life, movie tickets dried flowers, new tea he would love to try. But again I have begun to feel detached. He wants to marry me after our senior year. But even if we did, we wouldn’t go to the same college. I can sometimes grasp my eventual future with him but honestly all these years we just won’t be together. What I miss most from when we first started dating are his hugs that now I might get once a month or once every two months. I definately replace him with other activities and feel like we live in different worlds. He loves me so much and I love him more than anything. I don’t want to lose what has been so good to me, I know he would never leave me but that doesn’t make being without him any easier. I feel that it almost wouldn’t matter if he left me because I already feel torn and broken living my life with him so far away.
It is already been over a year and eight days since my boyfriend and I have been together. Before we got together we were just friends and even before that, he found me annoying. I met him through a mutual friend and we played games together. He would always irritate me on purpose to the point that I’d whine and annoy him. He began to be a close friend of mine and was there for me when I was with my previous boyfriend. He’d always comfort me and help me understand why this or that would happen. I haven’t even met him until a month later after being friends for over a year since we were busy with daily life. After meeting him, it just increased the attraction and showed me how he constantly is in my life. He helped me understand myself even better as well as how I helped him understand himself more. I guess our relationship became even more long distant since I ended up going to a different country for college.
Just like normal relationships though, we have had our fair share of misunderstandings. Even though we have them, we try to communicate further so we can understand and see things from the other’s perspective. He also makes sure that I focus on my studies and helps me out when I need help. I also make time for him by just doing what we did before we got together. We communicate just like how we were friends and annoy one another. It may not be a long relationship so far, but I honestly feel like he’s that one serious relationship that I’m willing to do anything to make it work.
If you want a long distance relationship to work, you make it work. Even though there’s many difficulties such as communication or actually seeing one another face to face, just believing that it’ll work out in the end and striving to communicate with one another helps out in the long run. Sure, you’ll think that he doesn’t love you when he’s constantly busy at times, but then you think back to those moments where he made you smile and you realize that you’re overreacting. Love is complicated as well as being in a relationship, but no relationship is perfect. Actually, who the hell wants a perfect relationship? Sometimes it’s better to be able to see the one you love for who they really are. Their anger, their sadness, their grief and so many more emotions are something that seems to show more in long distance relationships in my opinion. For instance, my boyfriend knows that I tend to be a bit irrational at times, but that doesn’t change the fact that he loves me for me.
I actually agree with the reasons stated on here and it makes me happy that others actually find a working LDR. 😀
Me and my boyfriend is together for 8 months now. 2 weeks ago he went to USA (Iam in South Africa). Over 9000 miles very difficult 🙁 Everyone says it wil get better. And I dont feel it will. 🙁 Everyday I try to let him come back home – maybe it is selfish??? He went over to get enough money to come back and we can start a new life. From week 2 after we met he wanted to marry me and loves me dearly and love him MORE. We talk everyday via skype (wonderful). I must agree. If you love the person you should not give up. Although everyday is harder and harder – I try to think of the day he comes back and I try everyday to do something special on facebook or even just a kiss via the phone.
I feel sorry for the people that is given a promise that the other one will return and they dont. And even if everyone is telling them they are not the pain and tears worth. It still will hurt. But from my little experience if the other one wants to go overseas or even other country. Rather go with or let them stay home with you. LIFE is just to short!!!!!!! Every minute, every second counts!!!
I might have to go to Wyoming from Texas and I barley graduated my bf was in college but had to drop out do to financial aid. I love this guy and I just got out of a 4 year long distanced relationship
I’m stuck. I’d met a handsome, smart guy on a dating site back in December 2013. We texted here and there. He drove 3 hours to see me and spent the whole birthday weekend with me (Friday night to Sunday morning in March). It was great. I fell in love. It’s September now, and we haven’t seen each other since then. I tried meeting up; but his school and my work gets in the way. We still text. I haven’t asked him what are we. I know and he tells me that he’s busy with school (he wants to become a Professor) and with work. I kinda want to stop whatever we may have; but I don’t want to lose an opportunity. We did agreed of seeing each other during the holidays because he won’t have school. He had told me that he’ll take me to Universal Studios if I ever visit him. I know he wants in me in future; but Idk in what way.
How can I ask him about us when school is his top priority?
Me and my boyfriend of three years are starting university this week. Im leaving tomorrow and he leaves in four days. We just said our “see you “soons and it was heart breaking. Our universities will be over four hours away on the train, so we dont really plan on seeing eachother more than once a month really. We only live 10 minutes away from eachother right now and it breaks my heart that tomorrow i will be in bed in a new country by myself without him. He is my soul mate and best friend rolled into one. I realise that it could be worse and that people all over the world go without seeing one another for months on end, but once it happens to you its like nothing else matters. I just love him so much, and we intend on spending the rest of our lives together. Im just hoping that not seeing eachother much will be a small sacrifice compared to the rest of our lives. And of course, theres the “what “ifs ; what if girls fancy him? What if he misses physical attention that he falls for someone spontaneously? Im almost 110% sure these wont happen, but itll be in the back of both of our minds until freshers is al clear! Hopefully there is someone out there that can provide some motivational tips or help. Thanks.
Help me to understand and feeling safe the risk…..My hearing boyfriend and I am hard of hearing had long distance relationship for 5 month he live up north in Stockton California and I am south in inland umpire California. We are in love and he works driver truck travels since we first met on tango for a few weeks after we met every Wednesday to get to know each other, it went so smoothes relationships wonderful and I thought he would be take advagative me being a deaf. But he didn’t do this time and he respect to me more than I thoughts and I really appreciate it for offer me an vacation enjoy to get know each other..after awhile then I realized we don’t much talk on the text often before he always text me everyday plus skype too. All suddlenly that he is little change and I busted him act different the way he been worry about his phone is tango talking to him without know me not open up the honest. I would not ask or why or fight no reason…till we went together church…..now I feel something come up that god warn me not to be with him if I believe in gods word that would be risk soon…but help me to understand becuz he said really love me very much…
What do you think I should or not???
Thank you
After 8 years together she is moving away she is going because it is been always her dream she says to go back and live in the USA but because of me she shorten the time and she is going now for 7 months.
I fell into depression already and what made it worst is that she went to the airport already and we say goodbye but because all of her money got stolen at the airport she had to go back and cancel everything and she is staying for one more week I don’t feel like she appreciates the time we have now and I hoped she would stay now didn’t happen also , she keeps saying that she would stay if asked her to she knew I’m never gonna ask someone to stay but when her trip got cancelled couldn’t help myself but ask her to stay she cried and argued and i gave up immediately.
I’m so sad but I can’t let her know I’d rather be left alone than be the needy gf .
She noticed that I’m being cold and she is so afraid to lose me but I keep telling her everything is ok.
I know I don’t have the best attitude but I can’t do the right things and I’m so emotional I hope it won’t take Long
I met my boyfriend in university more than 5 years ago. I am from Europe, he is from US. After 6 months together, we maintained a 2 years long distance relationship. He moved to Europe, we got married and lived happily for 3 years. Now, I have to let him go because he is very homesick and feels confused. Now I am considering if continue with a new long distance situation or just be friends and see what happens, since we love each other with all our heart. I am even considering to move to US if there is no other solution.
This is not the perfect situation. IT’S NOT. But… I don’t regret. I had and maybe I have yet the best love chance of my life and I prefer to have had a 5 year long relationship with him, even with the difficulties and the distances in the middle, than a life without him 🙂
So, just follow your heart and if you take the risk… maybe it will work maybe not, but you won’t spend your life wondering if you missed your soulmate.