“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”
― Rose Kennedy
Do you agree with this quote?
Do all our wounds remain after our breakup, untouched by time, just covered by scar tissue?
Before I tell you what I think, let’s see what really happens after a breakup:
The “emotional mechanics” behind the scenes of your mind.
The Anatomy of Your Breakup Pain
When we are confronted with the inescapable truth that our relationship has come to an end, we experience lots of negative emotion.
It’s a natural reaction to loss that everybody has to go through.
But when that pain takes over our lives and makes it impossible to recover for years, then there’s something else going on.
In this case — and I believe this exactly is happening with you right now (or else you wouldn’t be here) — the breakup acts like a “firestarter” that creates even more cascades of pain.
In other words, the breakup turns into a big glowing-hot iron that rips open every scarred old wound that you might be carrying around you for a long time.
To you, it all appears as one big ball of pain, but in reality, the pain comes from all over the place (and different times) …
… places you didn’t even know existed.
Old Wounds That Start to Bleed Again
Short explanation: every unresolved conflict, pain, childhood drama, suppressed experience, insecurity, etc. you’ve ever had.
The emphasis is on “unresolved.”
That’s why the ONLY way to sustainably heal from a breakup is to deal with these unresolved points (I call them “hidden pain points”).
Why are some people hurting more than others?
It’s because of these unresolved pain points.
These are mainly responsible if people are suffering for an unreasonable amount of time (all-time record I’ve encountered is 30 years).
Those people won’t get better with time.
Why Time Doesn’t Heal
It’s been almost 11 years now since I started teaching people how to go through a conscious recovery after a breakup or divorce.
What most people do is wait for time to heal the wounds (or make the typical breakup mistakes I’ve talked about).
But the problem is, time does NOT heal properly. The same negative things keep happening — over and over again.
One bad relationship after another.
I call it this the “Vicious Cycle of Broken Relationships.”
The big glowing-hot iron not only keeps opening your old wounds, but it also keeps sabotaging all your relationships.
That’s what was happening to me.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
You can heal “consciously.”
In other words, you can resolve all the pain points you have and lay the foundation of fulfilling relationships in the future.
Unresolved Breakups Are Time Bombs
When you rely on time to heal yourself, what you really do is apply a band-aid on the breakup wound.
You try to ignore that it hurts, but you can’t.
Then you rip it off and apply it back on again (multiple times), but it keeps bleeding and hurting.
Then after some substantial time has passed, you somehow slowly forget about it. You don’t even see the band-aid anymore. But the wound is still there, covered with scar tissue.
Until one day, something happens.
That could be a new breakup, the death of a pet, a big disappointment with a close friend, or something completely mundane.
Suddenly, all hell breaks loose.
You are devastated again, except this time, you don’t even know where it’s coming from.
That’s an unresolved breakup at work.
A ticking time bomb.
Conclusion: How to Not Rely on Time Healing Your Wounds
You have to face the pain.
Identify and work through your issues and “hidden pain points.”
Find out WHO you really are … and be that person on a daily basis.
That’s why one primary focus of our DETOX approach is the reconnection to your true “self” and finding and resolving your “hidden pain points.”
This is something I really advise you to do … because this breakup is your chance to fix things once and for all.You have the choice to use this breakup as a catalyst to a new and happier life.
… as opposed to being constantly tormented by that glowing-hot iron.
So do I agree with the quote above?
Your wounds remain if you don’t treat them.
But if you do, not only can you heal them for good, they can even help you get better, stronger, and have more fulfilled relationships in the future.
You have bulletproofed yourself from future heartbreak … and you can start to trust again without being afraid.
Your friend and coach,