[Note: In case you’re wondering, this post is a follow-up to this (which, by the way, received more of a response than I’ve seen in a very long time!). I try my best to respond to each and every comment, BTW.]
Okay … so I’m getting a LOT of emails from readers upset with me about that cliff hanger in my previous email and blog post.
Sorry about that.
Perhaps the twin-girls (soon-to-be-teenager) drama in my house is contagious (yikes). Or maybe it’s last-minute hesitation on my part …
I Feel Reluctant to Talk About This, but Here It Goes …
As you may or may not know, this whole breakup-expert thing I do has gotten WAY out of control (in the best possible way).
When I first started helping people with their breakups (over 14 years ago) … I never in a million years DREAMED I'd have the opportunity to have the impact I've had.
Anyway, every once in a while, it freaks me out a little, but I've been blessed to have helped tens of thousands (perhaps hundreds of thousands) of breakup survivors to transform their lives for the better since 2005.
It’s an indescribable experience to get daily success stories from people telling me how they overcame a toxic relationship, how they found their dream partner, or how they reached emotional independence.
I’ve been deeply touched — and so many times moved to tears — by all the beautiful emails you’ve sent over the years (and from all over the world).
It really makes me stop and think about the big picture here …
And don’t get me wrong.
I can’t take credit for these people changing their lives as they did.
They did all the hard work to get over their Ex and the relationship that they wanted … But to think that I played a small role in setting up a major life milestone in someone else’s life is truly humbling.
So, Here’s What I’ve Been Holding out On …
- Nicely asked
- Strongly encouraged
- Pleaded with …
To start taking on personal coaching clients again.
I’ve Resisted This for a Long Time
And I tell you why …
When our twins were born, we were all alone. We had no help from anyone.
My parents were taking a trip around the world (yeah, perfect timing), and my wife’s parents were living abroad.
And we had NO clue whatsoever what to do with two babies (and boy were they demanding …).
So I decided that I’d put everything on hold and that we’ll do this together.
This turned out to be the best decision ever.
(Also, as someone who works from home, it’s not cool to have two babies crying hysterically while you try to coach someone.)
That’s Not All Though …
My wife and I became the perfect team. We were taking care of the twins together.
I barely worked at the beginning, though.
I used to get up at 03:00 to write a few articles, answer course student emails, fall asleep over the keyboard … only to be awakened by a loud siren (that would be a crying baby).
It was challenging (to put it mildly).
The years went by, and I still wasn’t doing personal coaching, even though I felt that a substantial part of “what makes me tick” had been missing.
The Ex-DETOX Course was going great, we had more students than ever, so there was no financial need to put in the extra time.
And I was really enjoying the time we have together as a family.
For Years I’ve Resisted to Start Coaching Again
But now things have changed. And I didn’t know what to do about it.
The kids are older now. They have cell-phones, BFFs, lots of homework … Daddy isn’t needed as he was before (that’s what the melancholy was about).
After that Single-Malt-Whiskey Tasting with my friends I’ve mentioned, I suddenly realized what was missing in my life.
It’s the reason why I felt so unfulfilled in my business:
What I missed was the personal contact with you.
How I’m Trying to Learn from the Past
I’m also a bit of a perfectionist.
Okay, “a bit” is an understatement … I’m a FULL BLOWN perfectionist.
And because I’ve given up all hope of fixing this (I’m an INFJ), I realized that I simply cannot go half-way with this. As far as I am concerned – it’s all the way or not at all.
So if I start coaching again, it’ll be ALL IN.
I know that if I do this, it will be a lot of work.
The truth is that I really don’t know exactly what this might look like just yet, which is the whole point of having this discussion with you … I’m hoping we can figure this out together!
If I Do This, It Will Be a Lot of Work
So, before I go “all in” on this idea and let my perfectionism kick in and turn this into an energy-intensive project, I want to check with you.
So I want to know …
– What do you think?
– Should I do this?
– Would you be interested?
Your feedback and thoughts are absolutely the fuel that keeps me going.
I don’t even want to THINK about doing this if there isn’t any interest in this.
Would you be interested in personal coaching?
So, please leave a comment down below and let me know what you think.
It would mean a lot to me, and I’ll do my best to respond to each and every comment.
I believe you should also start your YouTube channel man. I received free help from you 8 years ago with the ex-detox content and i am forever grateful for that.
Here’s my Youtube Channel:
Good timing I would be interested
Thank you, Sue, I appreciate your interest!
Dear Eddie i think you will make a wonderful personal coach I found you about four years ago after the break up of my 47yr marriage when my ex cheated on me for over ten years, he was a very manipulative, arrogant person and I hadn’t realised how unhappy he made me. You taught me that I was entitled to be happy and how to get there it took quite a long time which included two knee replacements but you and the people on your site were so supportive some of us are still in touch with each other. It was so comforting to find people going through the same things and having you teach us how to deal with it all I still use some of the ways you gave us. I would like to thank you for teaching me to be happy I am on my own but no longer feel frightened or sad I am happy with my life and with myself.
Brenda, thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your inspiring success story. I’m so thankful that I could be there for you and help you overcome this challenge. I wish you all the best ❤️.
My fiancé and I seem to be on a crazy train for the last four years +. He loves me than he’s not sure than he asks me to marry him then says he’s on the fence about us and it continues. He has some mental issues and anger issues but is seeking help. So what about us that are stuck in relationships like these. Never knowing what to expect next? I would like help for these kinds of things.
Thank you for sharing, Joyce.
In these situations, it’s all about valuing yourself. “Crazy train” for the last four years is basically four years that you could have been with someone who commits and cares for you. It’s not about giving up on love.
It’s about questioning if that is what you want and deserve.
Is there a solid emotional foundation (love) in this relationship?
How likely is it that he is going to work through his issues?
Do I really want to wait for that to happen?
These are the questions you need to ask yourself.
A big Yes!! When you are going through a break up it is difficult to talk to other people because they get tired of hearing it. If you go to a therapist they want to talk about why your childhood affected this relationship. Most of the other relationship experts try to fill you with “how to get your ex back”. Sometimes you just want to talk about the break up, how sad you are, and get strong advice on just how to move on. Having an actual person to talk to maybe on a weekly basis about the breakup would make all the difference. Your compassion and understanding would change the course of getting over a break up for somebody.
Ella, thank you so much for the encouragement and the kind words.
Also, thank you for pointing out the differences in coaching approaches, this is really helpful. I agree that having someone (who actually has the experience for all kinds of situations) helps you navigate through the muddy waters of recovery can make a BIG difference in someones life.
Thanks again ❤️.
Eddie you have to do what’s best for yourself
Thank you, Leo!
I think you need to do it.
First, because you like doing it. Second, you are good at it.
I was a student who disagreed, I was the one who argued.
You made it possible for me to see things as they are and to understand they were never anything else. Now I see and I agree.
It took me a year and maybe I’m not done yet.
It’s really hard to put enough appreciation and gratefulness in my words, I just say that coaching can and will help.
Anna, thank you so much for your encouraging and confidence giving words. I really appreciate them. 🙂
I vote yes for the coaching! I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and from many, many years of doing self-work in therapy and everything I learned in my clinical training, I had grown a lot – to the point where I was a relatively emotionally secure and independent individual and was in an overall, very healthy relationship. However, after he broke up with me unexpectedly, I found and GREATLY benefitted from the Ex-detox program – in addition to my own continued therapy of course!! 😉 I loved having the structure of the lessons and worksheets as a way to be intentional about prioritizing and working on healing that heartbreak and growing in the areas that the break-up had highlighted as still being weaknesses or sore spots of mine. And I have recommended the Ex-detox program/sent links to articles on your webpage to SO many clients ever since because it is genuinely the best resource I have ever come across for breakup/divorce recovery!
So…my main question would be – and something I hope you would clarify for potential clients – is what would distinguish your coaching services from individual therapy? i.e. what would you be unwilling/unable to offer your clients that they would need to see a licensed therapist for, and what would you be able to offer your clients that they likely wouldn’t get from going to therapy?
Tara, thank you very much for your kind words about my work and webpage. Thank you for recommending it to your clients … I really appreciate it.
That’s an excellent question, and the answer to that will be more precise when I create the actual coaching offer. I do know now that I don’t want to offer just one-off sessions, but packages of somewhere between 6-12 weeks or so.
I know from my previous coachings that it’s more beneficial for the client to work towards a concrete goal together (60 days NC, defeat obsessing, reach emotional independence, etc.) than “just” extinguishing acute “fires.”
I do plan to have a more practical guidance approach, which has proved to be most effective in the past. I know where the traps, dead-ends are in every situation and how to circumnavigate it.
14 years of dealing with breakups daily in all kinds of constellations have given me a clear picture of what people really need to solve this fast … and, more importantly, what the next best steps are.
Thanks again, Tara. I’ll revisit this question once I have a clearer picture of how this is going to look like.
I forgot to mention that I’d appreciate any advice about the coaching format that you can give me. Thank you in advance!
Hi Eddie…I did take your ex-detox course and you have no idea how your course helped me in so many ways. I also value your daily emails and look forward to receiving them. I’m 8 months into this breakup and with your help and advice I’m doing better than I could imagine. My narcissist ex keeps coming around trying to get me back and in the past I would take him back over and over for 10 years. You and your course guided me in the right direction and I now see my worth in myself. I make my own happiness not him or any one else. I did meet someone about a month ago and taking things very slow and your course also helped with any future relationships. I even sent you a couple of emails during my healing process asking for guidance and as busy as you are, you took the time and replied to me right away. I do believe this is your passion, it’s in you to help all going through breakups, the pain and heartbreak, not an easy time. I, don’t need personal coaching at this time but oh my what you could do for folks that do. I thank you for all that you did for me and wish you all the best with what direction you decide to take.
Deb, Thank you so much for your wonderful words, and for keeping me posted about your excellent progress.
Yes, this is my passion, and it’s making me happy to help people to find what they already have inside of them: the strength and power to let go of an Ex-partner, love themselves, and attract the right person into their life.
Thanks again Deb, and I wish you all the best in the world.
Eddie- I am a strong believer in God and by your feelings it is pretty clear it’s your calling as you have a gift to reach out to people. By all means you must follow your dreams.
Thank you so much, Michelle. It is my calling, and I will follow my dreams! 🙂
Eddie, in contemplating a project such as taking up personal coaching I would seriously consider the implications for your time, competing claims on your attention (like teenage kids) and health/stamina. If I may project my own tendencies for a moment, I would say think very carefully mid- to long-term, how much can you take on? Can you maintain consistency and your own health and strength? Not just in terms of time, but also in dealing with the emotionally draining aspects of listening to people and providing therapy. This is not to put a damper on your enthusiasm, I know you would do it well and also derive great satisfaction and personal benefit – it’s a question of making a realistic assessment of the potential benefits to you and of the possible drawbacks.
Thank you, Richard, for reminding me about the actual implications regarding time/stress/energy. It’s something people don’t usually factor when starting a big project like this one.
Actually, I’ve given that a good amount of thought. My family knows what might lie ahead and supports me unconditionally. It is also a question about how many clients I’m willing to take on at the same time. The lower the number, the lower the implications on time and energy.
Thank you again, Richard, as always I appreciate your input very much.
Hello! I haven’t been checking in your course for a while. Things have changed in many aspect you could say I’ve got my life back in track! Yay success! So at the moment personal coaching is not what I need…not anymore. However, I think your project is a very good idea! I remember how I was feeling when I first came to the website: shitty and isolated and very sad…I want to believe it’s been mainly my strength that turned things around but…all this stirred me in the right direction. I was so afraid of asking for help and of talking about emotions and…it was a relief to be able to look at the course, to talk with people in the forum…I genuinely felt understood in spite of what I guess is a very significant difference in backgrounds. Being able to do that with so many people is a gift. By all means, use this give of yours and continue helping people as a personal coach 😉
Pdta: I’m not sure what name I used last in this website…the one for the comment may not coincide with my previous nickname.
Thank you, Lily, and congratulations on getting your life back on track. That is all you, you can be proud of yourself.
I know what you mean when you say that you were afraid of asking for help and talking about your emotions. Many people out there feel the same way. It’s my task and challenge to help them to “come out” and trust that the process of recovery and ALL that comes with it will actually free them.
Thanks again :).
Hey eddie.you have a inspiring and helpull in many ways.i wish i could afford the hole package.but the little ive i had read from u and all the other post it has help more than u know.do what your heart and brain desire.go with your gut feeling.it wont b a waste of your time i guareente that theres millions of peole going thru the same shit do that am pretty sure they will recv your help like did .cant wait to c what happens.thank u for everytiing eddie.
Thank you so much for your wonderful words, Victor.