“Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do.”
When you find yourself forced to recover from a breakup or divorce, you are confronted with one core problem you have to solve:
How do I stop thinking about my Ex and move on?
In a nutshell, you do that by taking three (easy) steps:
- You have a rock-bottom insight that you need to change your situation desperately.
- You get the intellectual knowledge of what exactly you need to do.
- You create a daily action habit that supports this insight.
And boom! You're over them!
… Well, maybe not that easy. Let me walk you through it, step by step.
STEP 1 – The Rock-Bottom Experience
The first step — before you do anything else — is that you have to WANT to stop thinking of them and move on.
That doesn't always come naturally because usually, there’s a huge obstacle:
We still love them.
Depending on where you are in your recovery, you might even subconsciously self-sabotage your disengagement process because you simply don't want to lose them.
Imagine a scale.
At the very beginning of your journey, the scale tips to the left, as if you've put a thousand pounds on it.
The right side is still empty.
Later, as you progress through the phases of your breakup, the scale will tip in favor to the right side: your motivation to move on.
You must want to move on MORE than you are afraid of losing your Ex.
But many are stuck in this first step, and the scale doesn't tip to the right for a very long time.
How do we make the scale tip faster to the favorable direction?
The fastest way is a rock-bottom experience like the one I had a long time ago.
You painfully have to come to the conclusion that you cannot go on like this anymore.
Maybe you have tried everything to get them back — from stalking to texting a thousand times — and all you’ve accomplished is to embarrass yourself (though don’t beat yourself up about it, it wasn’t for nothing).
And there you are.
You’ve painfully realized that they’re not coming back, and yet you continue to love them so much.
So what do you do?
You start looking for alternatives.
And boom, the scale tips, and your recovery begins.
Okay, let’s take a look at step two.
Step 2 – What to Do, and What to Avoid
Once you see the need to move on and let go — let's say you had that rock-bottom experience — you still lack the tools of this process:
What to do exactly and which mistakes to avoid.
This isn't always obvious, and unfortunately, they don't teach this stuff in school (though they most definitely should).
Also, the advice of friends and family isn't always reliable because they're motivated by their own agenda, and often, they are wrong, plain and simple (and believe me, bad advice is way worse than no advice at all).
But let's say that you've found me, and I've taught you all the magic of breakup survival.
That’s when you have to take the next step.
Step 3 – Execution and the Daily Habits
Now you need to create a daily habit of the things you must do that will get you quickly over your Ex.
Use effective tools to stop thinking of your Ex and obsessing over them.
Unfortunately, just knowing the magic alone doesn't help you at all.
You MUST do the work consistently (let's say, over a 60-day period).
In a nutshell, this is how you stop thinking and move on from your Ex:
Want. Know. Do.3 steps to stop thinking about your Ex: Want. Know. Do.
That's why one of the very first things you'll learn in my DETOX Course is the mindset you'll have to adapt during your healing.
The “Healing Matras,” as I call it.
After that, you'll learn all the tools and how to apply them correctly:
The complete breakup survival magic.
By the way, the quote at the beginning of this article from Bruce Lee is one of my all-time favorites; I advise you to keep it in mind in all the areas of your life.
… Especially when your goal is getting over an Ex.
Your friend and coach,