Break Up and Divorce Suddenly Out Of Love – How Did It Happen?

Suddenly Out Of Love – How Did It Happen?

Suddenly Out Of Love – How Did It Happen?

It seems to be a complete mystery … to fall out of love.

Something we cannot understand. And yet it happens every day all around us:

People who used to love each other madly suddenly fall out of love, just like that.

What are the reasons?

Sarah's Story:

Sarah and her boyfriend had been the perfect couple. It was as if they had waited for each other their whole lives.

They had the same hobbies, they liked the same things, they see each other as soulmates.

This went on happily for two years – the perfect relationship until her boyfriend suddenly started to pull back, to act strange and get distant.

Eventually, he broke up with her.

When she asked for the reason, he replied that he did not love her anymore.

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Sounds familiar?

Has this also happened to you or someone you know?

A disappointment.

Isn't true love meant to be forever?

Well, I cannot give you an answer to this one, but I can advise you that you need to examine your perception of “true love.”

I can tell you: All that glistens is not gold.

A high expectation of true love and a distorted romantic view of the ideal concept of love can disturb the view to having a fulfilling and healthy relationship.

(MORE: How I Found The Definition Of True Love)

A realistic view is vital.

What is the Main Reason that People Fall out of Love?

Of course, there are numerous reasons why people break up, but they are not always the same ones as to why people fall “out of love.”

The term “to fall out of love” implies that they've been in love before and all of a sudden the love is gone.

This is, of course, an illusion.

Nobody loses his love overnight.

In my experience, there are three main reasons why people stop loving, and therefore break up with their partners.

1. Their expectations weren't met

If you meet a person to whom you are really attracted to, you tend to idealize things.

You fall in love with that person because everything is so new, so fresh.

The sex is great; you're having a great time discovering all the positive attributes of your partner.

All your needs and expectations are being addressed, and when they're not, you simply put your rose-colored glasses on.

The problem here is that your view of your partner is not always a realistic one, because everyone gives their best, tries to show a better self and to hide possible flaws.

We accommodate and compromise much easier at the beginning.

Be Who You Really AreThe problem here is that they met each other's expectations at the beginning … but later on in the relationship, when the fire has cooled off a little, they tend to pull off their masks and show their real selves.

Now suddenly, there are no more compromising, no more accommodation, no more meeting the partner's needs.

Just the pure, unfiltered THEM.

And here is where it can lead to conflicts because someone will not have their needs fulfilled, and will feel betrayed in a way.

This is usually the moment when the person “falls out of love.”

2. Was it LOVE in the first place?

Another problem is that people very often cannot say if they're in love or not. They confuse sexual fulfillment with love.

This happens very often to young people or people who have been in a long term relationship or marriage for a lot of years.

They confuse the initial fulfillment of a need which has not been met for a long time with love.

Once this urge has been satisfied, (this doesn't always have to be a sexual need), they suddenly lose interest and “fall out of love.”

Of course, it wasn't love in the first place, and that's why the whole thing appears to come out of the blue.

3. Mistreatment

Unfortunately, it happens frequently, especially with men, that they start sweet and kind, and later on, they become loud and abusive.

Violence is, of course, the most extreme case.

Very often the partners suddenly change their behavior in ways that cannot be tolerated anymore by the other one.

Good examples are drug and alcohol abuse.

The partner finds that they are very disappointed and lose their love because their basic needs aren't provided anymore.

(MORE: My Life With A Narcissist)

The relationship isn't fulfilling and healthy.


The knowledge of the three reasons why people can fall out of love can be helpful to us. They can teach us how to behave correctly at the beginning of a relationship.

We have to have realistic expectations about love and relationships, and most of all we have to be who we are right from the beginning.

Make clear what your needs are despite the risk that your new partner might not love it.

Pretending and cutting back your basic needs will only draw a false picture of you, a picture which will fade with time and possibly make your partner eventually fall out of love with you.

Would you take that risk? I won't.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

  • I fell for someone, we both had partners but I was prepared to give him everything. He pushed and pushed for sex. When we changed jobs suddenly I meant nothing and he was done. Off to find another victim

  • Peter Wolf says:

    The truth is, most people don’t talk about the real reasons. They tell stories.

  • nonhle msomi says:

    I met him in 2014 and he’s that loving and carrying guy,irealy loved him and he loved me the only thing he pays attention to is his phone,games and music. And also Facebook, he can’t even notice that i am there next to him. He no longer call me .then I am starting to lose interest in him and I can’t even fake it. My worry now is that there is a baby on the way and I don’t know what to do. When he kisses me I can’t feel a thing,even when having sex. Please help

    • I hope by now you were able to fix it, if not my only advice is talk to him in a not accusing way but from your perspective. Tell him how is making you feel, how you feel that you’re loosing him to the social media. For your part I’ll pass on to you what I read in an article from a relationship expert “try to remember when you first met, how you fell in love and every day write on your notebook 3 things that you love about him, anything as simple as unique from him, and every morning read them before getting out of bed and starting your day. Be more giving and loving and he will reciprocate, but for sure talk to him. If he’s that wonderful and loving and loves as I imagine he does then he will work things out, will ask you what can he do better or differently to bring that fire back between you both. Wish you the best. “Be love, breathe love and give love to find love” Jay Shetty

  • I was with my ex for nearly 4 years. I met him after splitting from my 28 year relationship with the father of my 3 children. I wasn’t looking for a man, I wanted to be single for a while. I was 47 and had been in a relationship since school so wanted to find myself before entertaining any thought of a relationship. However I wasn’t banking on being swept off my feet so romantically and passionately. Our second date was Paris for valentines weekend, he sent me flowers, made me gifts, spent ages making me feel special and I did the same for him. I fell for him big time, move forward 3 years he is the most miserable angry, selfish person I have met. My children spotted how emotionally abusive and controlling he became and he made no effort in the relationship.. Had he been that way in the beginning I wouldn’t have entertained a relationship with him. From his viewpoint, he still doesn’t understand why I have fallen out of love with him, the truth is I grieved for the man I thought he was while still in a relationship with him. So now I am completely numb, this man is a stranger, my heart has moved on and I feel nothing for him, not hatred, love or even friendship. I am now single and enjoying my own company. I think it should have been a fling or holiday romance, not a relationship.

  • I was in a relationship for 16 years ans because of job loss my bf moved back to his home state for a full time union job…I waited for him to get reestablished as he had lost everything from getting layed off….now he had to start over on another state. ..finally after 3 years he has a decent appartment so I decided to visit and to find out he is seeing someone else…I was devastated as I loved this man thru thick and thin for 16 years…he even paid for my trip…now he is trying to figure out whether it’s me or her of 8 months….really…won’t tell me god bye….my heart is breaking but I have left it up to the Lord now…it’s been 3 months since it was confirmed and to find out today that she is in her 30’s and he will be 59…she is a widow. …I dont think she is ready as she only talk on the phone and sees him every 7 weeks or more…not sure we hat he is obsessed with..her youth?….I love him and don’t understand as he need time to make his final decision. …what do you all think….I am in another state for now unless he wants me there…I will relocate…any advise…no negative remarks please…

    • Maria,

      First of all, he is an idiot. 59 and she’s in her 30’s?! Plus, he only sees her every seven weeks! He’s a complete moron!

      YOU are in the driver’s set whether you know it or not. There is NO WAY his thing with her will not wear off. Eight months is nothing. The thing with her is absolutely destined to fail.

      Here’s what you do. Do not be constantly accessible to him. He has the audacity to think you’re sitting around pining waiting for him to make up the selfish mind that did not care about hurting you. Let him think that maybe YOU have met someone new. Be evasive when he asks you where you’ve been. Let HIM think there may be somebody new for YOU. Let him imagine you in bed with another man.

      This will negatively impact his childish new relationship with a girl so ridiculously younger. It will help precipitate problems between them. At first they will try to hold a united front against it. But, it won’t be long until it breaks down completely as he constantly thinks of losing you forever to another man – and as the trashy magic wears off with her as it ALWAYS does.

      DON’T let him just be “King Ding” keeping you on the string. Make him think you may have met somebody new. When he inquires tell him, “I don’t have to explain every move I make to you. YOU’RE the one who took up with somebody else. I don’t care to discuss where I’ve been tonight any further.”

      Make his selfish ass continually picture you having sex with another man. I’m a man. I know how a man’s mind works.

      Remember, although it doesn’t feel like it right now, YOU are actually the one in the driver’s seat here.

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