“It's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your heart still does.”
Everybody who has ever experienced a relationship break-up knows the pain that lies beneath this sentence. I certainly understand it very well.
I think that it describes one of the most difficult things in life – letting go of someone whom you still love so dearly.
It's the classic struggle between heart and mind.
The heart has no other knowledge beyond what it feels. And in feeling, it is absolute.
The mind is rational, it takes into account many things – our experiences, our intellect, our knowledge about past and future. It usually claims to know better.
When it comes to break-ups, however, we really have a hard time deciding to whom we want to listen.
Even WHEN we know better, it's the heart that usually wins.
How is it that we trust the heart more than the mind when the person we love has left us?
The answer is obvious. We are overrun by emotions. Emotions we cannot control for the time being.
So, unfortunately, we do what our heart commands. We don't allow anything to come between ourselves and the love we feel. Not a person, not advice, not a thought.
We listen to the heart and want to experience this love.
But what happens when love towards a person is not reciprocated? Does it thrive, does it die?
The answer again is obvious – it's a huge waste of time and energy.
So the question is, why would we waste time and energy on someone who doesn't love us back when there are thousands and thousands out there who might be a much better fit for us than our Ex ever was? (I can feel your resistance, but trust me here, ok?)
The answer is not so obvious.
Maybe because we have difficulties with change, perhaps because we are sentimental … but most of all, probably because we are sensitive human beings.
So it's understandable that we listen to the heart.
But is it acceptable that we suffer?
I believe that we have a right to fulfillment and happiness and that our actions should align with this right.
Keeping that in mind, we don't really have a choice. There is only one way to go.
We MUST “un-love” our Ex.
We MUST let them go, and start the recovery process.
If you feel resistance in your yourself while reading this, just ask yourself, “what is the alternative”?
Is it years of romantic suffering and longing for the one person in the whole wide world that is the only fit for us?
Let me tell you, my dear friends, life has taught me otherwise.
I learned that it is so simple, (and so difficult), to start. Write the No-Contact Letter to your Ex, and cut off contact completely.
After that, you throw yourself into the roller-coaster ride of the recovery phases.
It's not quite the easy way out, but it's the right thing to do.
“If someone wants to leave you, let them go!”
You must “un-love” them to open the way to a new future.
A future with someone who deserves you and who appreciates the person you are.
Always tell yourself, when in doubt, what to do – if someone wants to leave you, let them go.
If they decide that they don't want to be with you, then let them go, (you cannot stop them anyway).
I know that it's hard and feels wrong to ignore the heart. But in this case, you just should.
Your rational mind is your friend right now.
Start to “un-love” your Ex now, and you will reach a point soon when heart and mind are in sync.
Until then, have patience and faith in your recovery.
Please tell me what you think in the comments below.