Months, or even years after a relationship break up, we will fully realize the fatal mistakes we made right after it happened.
Especially the panic controlled actions that made us appear as a different person – often we don’t recognize ourselves anymore.
It can bring out the worst in us.
It usually happens that we hate ourselves later for the things we’ve done.
This is understandable, but the wrong thing to do.
Not only does it damage our self-esteem, which is urgently needed for the recovery, (what’s left of it), but it also destroys the new concept of self-love we are trying to build up.
Avoid these feelings by telling yourself that the past is the past, and concentrate on the NOW.
There is a famous quote where it says that one should learn from the mistakes OTHERS make and thereby avoid them.
On the other hand:
“The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.”
—John PowellStill thinking about your Ex? Click here to take the test to learn how long it takes to heal... and how you can speed up the process.
I believe that there are two kinds of mistakes: the kind that you can learn and evolve from, and the kind that should be avoided.
When it comes to post relationship break up mistakes, there are some which better be avoided.
The following fall into that category.
Here are the main mistakes most people make right AFTER a relationship break up:
Mistake #1: Panic Controlled Actions
Confronted by what we think is the worst that can happen to us, we do anything to fight it off: we plead, we beg, cry in front of our Exes, harass, stalk, write e-mails, IMs, etc.
All these things will make you cringe when you later think about it.
I think that almost every “Dumpee” makes these mistakes – I don’t believe that they are completely avoidable. These are desperate actions by our “animal” part of the brain, fighting for survival.
The sad thing is that they are completely useless. I’ve never heard that a “Dumper” came back after the “Dumpee” wrote them a gazillion e-mails begging to have mercy.
If you’ve made these mistakes, don’t beat yourself up over them.  If you’re about to commit them, try to resist.
Mistake #2: Reassuring Love
We are committed to thinking that if they only KNEW how much we loved them, they would come back immediately, so we keep telling them – over and over again.
The only problem is, they KNOW. They’re breaking up anyway.
Breakups rarely happen because the “Dumper” thinks that they are not being loved. Constant reassurance only leads to humiliation.
Mistake #3: Hoping To Stay Friends
This is a very common mistake that is often made by those having little experience with relationship break ups.
I know that your Ex was your best friend, your intimate partner, the closest person to you. But it is impossible to maintain this kind of relationship AFTER the breakup. Everything has changed – nothing is as it was before.
You can’t count on your Ex any longer because they will harm you more than they would help.
The good news is, you CAN find another support system: Look for old friends who used to be close. Your family should also be of great help.
Use every connection you have for support – you need it.
Mistake #3 leads us directly to the next one.
Mistake #4: Maintaining Contact
The no-contact rule is the number one precondition IF you want to get over your relationship break up fast.Look at it like a drug addict: you can’t get clean with YOUR drug right in front of you.
I talk about this is more detail here.
Mistake #5: Use Your Exes Friends And Family
Out of the ambition to make sense out of all of it, we use their friends or their family. We interview, manipulate and try to use them for our purposes.
Besides the fact that they rarely know anything about the deeper reasons, it is inappropriate to involve a third person in your breakup.
This is something that’s between you and your Ex.
If you do this, you will regret it later.
Mistake #6: Rebound Relationships
Many people leapfrog into a new affair right after their relationship breaks up.
I do not recommend that.
It may appear that this is the best thing to do in order to get over your Ex but, believe me, the opposite is the case.
You will always be comparing to your Ex, everything will remind you of them, and you will be frustrated because NOBODY is as good as your Ex. Â (This is an illusion of course).
It will throw you back, and it will mask your pain, hiding you from the issues your breakup needs to resolve. Don’t deny yourself the opportunity to work these things out.
If you do, you have to face that problem again and again, from relationship to relationship.
For many people, healing will not start until they are alone with themselves, confronting their inner demons.
These are the main mistakes most people make right AFTER their relationship breaks up.
Please don’t beat yourself up if you’ve already made some of them.
Even if they should be avoided, some of these mistakes are part of the healing and learning process.
So even IF you will look back month/years later and regret a few things you’ve done, they might have been necessary to get you to the point you are today.
Now it’s your turn, tell me, which one if these mistakes have you made?
Your friend,
Eddie Corbano
I feel like someone else is living my life.
I have made mistakes 1 through 4, up until last monday, march 25th…. I wanted explanations, I wanted a true apology but then realized that it was not going to change what happened. I was taken for a fool by someone who lied to me from day one until my sixth sense kicked in and I found out lies lies nothing but lies… once cornered, of course, he broke up with me which was actually a favor but I was in love… how do you get over that??? I am hating myself right now for all the humiliation I put myself through by committing those first four mistakes, writing emails, texts, IM and eventually being blocked by him from type of possible ways to contact him, that made me so angry because I imagined him laughing it all out with his friends. He did me wrong and I wind up making myself looking like the crazy one and it makes me so angry that I feel like it is driving me nuts…. I can’t stop crying, I have all these mixed emotions, hate, anger, then I feel so broken hearted… I’m trying, God knows I’m trying to hang on the the real facts about this, that I should be standing on my two feet, thanking God he did me a favor by taking this person far away from me but I can’t find myself to forgive, not just yet… How can someone be so cruel and heartless and just walk away without any consequences?? meanwhile we are left empty and hurt…. I am on day 6 of NC and its been so hard…. today has been a bad day, I just don’t want to get up off my bed…
HI Anaeli
I completely understand what u are going through. I’m in same situation. I went through same stuffs what u did when my GF broke the biggest news on Feb 17. I did not knew what went wrong, i was looking for answers everywhere. After only 1 and half week after she told me she is not in love with me anymore and does not have any feelings, she was already with another man. She was playing me for all those years (strung me along, used me and never gave anything back) and i was blinded by love. Kept on thinking how can someone be so selfish and cruel? How can she get away with this while i’m left with emptiness and hurt. She is already having fun with someone else while i’m still crying. I’m getting better though but still cry. It’s been nearly 1 month of NC but i still feel like calling her tell her that she is selfish, cruel, heartless and self centered and go to get F**ed but have not done that yet. I get so angry that sometime i contemplate on taking revenge by killing her and the new bf. I used to sleep so well in the past but now it all gone. Last week i did not sleep for 5 days straight. Insomnia. I have not slept 3 hours straight, always broken sleep. For the first time i had to go to GP to get some sleeping tablets. I never thought i would need sleeping tablets, because in the past it took me less than 10 sec to go to bed. Now it’s all changed. I hope time heals. I really feel for you and what u are going through. Stay strong.
Dear Anaeli,
i feel you, and believe me i was stuck in ”why? looping” almost for 5 years, their will be no answer no matter what answer they will give, it want satisfy you, cause you gonna keep on repeating the same question on every answer they will give you, cause we think that they will act like us, to feel a bit of regret, to show remorse, but in fact its our true emotions and we confuse our self in denial of what is happening and we go more angry and hate our self when we see them they move on like nothing happen and we start to loop the same question on and on ”how? why?” after all i done for you, after being faithful, loyal, caring, loving, giving you cut me out not even to be a friend?
if you just focus on your self answer after every” how? and why?” you realize that your self answer is always describing an AMAZING person which is ”YOU”
i am now on NC since the day 19 of march and believe me i decide to take my final decision after 5 years looping in circle doing what your doing feeling sorry for myself crying and sleeping i become unsocial person locking myself in my apartment cant stay in job my fire ambition turned off.
to finally when i did let it out here i started to feel a bit different i read my own story for the first time and realize that all the time i was acting what i wanted her to act i was doing all the mistakes above one by one and give her more power over me and making me feel bad about myself while the real truth was in front of me all the time with the unconscious denial and it really hit me this is what they want the same thing that i want but the difference is ”I AM A GREAT PERSON” and she don’t even deserve my friendship.
So stop shading those tears dear on people they don’t deserve it and shift it all this care and feelings to the amazing you no one deserve it more then you.
Try to read Kimberly story in the above its an inspiring story that realty did help me to stick now more on NC
All the courage, loves and hugs for you girl your an amazing caring person hang in their your soon to be free xxx
I was one of the “lucky” few…part of the mere 3% that actually got back with their exes. 3 months after my ex broke up with me, I broke the No Contact Rule and got a different outcome this time. My ex wanted to give it another shot. My world suddenly felt full of color again and I was on cloud 9. I just KNEW that our love was different and stronger than anyone else’s. He suddenly woke up one day and he saw how wonderful I was. I just knew we were going to live happily ever after.
The “honeymoon” stage lasted only 2 short weeks before I saw this person who I thought was the love of my life, change instantly before my eyes.He did things that he never did during our “first tour” together. He started cancelling dates, hanging up on me if I ever brought up anything he didn’t feel like talking about, constantly accussing me of seeing other people, ignoring me and blowing little things out of proportion…turning things around and making me feel like we weren’t working because of me. What did I do? I lived off the scraps he was throwing me and begged for more. I did this for 2 months.
It finally hit me. He didn’t love me anymore. I didn’t matter that he said he did, his actions proved the complete opposite. Always remember this…”We are what we DO”. Words are empty without the action behind them.
I urge you, follow Eddie’s advice and do not break the No Contact Rule. I got that second chance with my ex and all I have to say is, you better watch what you wish for. It will NEVER be the same. You will regret it and feel even worse. And more importantly, you will have lost all that precious time you should have used to heal and move on. You will have to start your recovery all over again. Don’t do this to yourself like I did.
I know it’s hard, but you have leave the past in the past. It feels like you are merely “existing” but you will get better. I promise. Never regret. Never look back. It just wasn’t meant to be and you have to force yourself to have faith and believe that your person is out there for you. It just wasn’t your ex. Simple as that.
You are an amazing person and you just haven’t met your parter yet. Good luck and let’s get on with our healing!
Adgirl
Dear kimberly,
you can not imagine how much your story help, thank you for sharing
Kimberly,
your story certainly helped me to focus. I was at the 1 month mark of no contact and I broke down. I have been married for 9 years and my husband left me. Of course he had his reasons but the truth of the matter is I believe he fell out of love with me. I have been trying to rebuild my life one moment at a time but I just got weak and did the unthinkable.
The only saving grace was that my contact was not begging and pleading for a reunion of any kind. I wished him well, did not share what I’ve been up to, and said I had no regrets. I am not expecting a response.
I wish I had waited longer but I am hoping it will have a more positive affect on bringing me the closer I need to move on. I am glad that I no longer have the urge to take him back but listening to your story pretty much seals the deal for me. Thanks for sharing.
Your post really helped me to get back on track. I broke the NC rule more than once for different reasons and it always ended up hurting more than before the contact. I need to realize its done! It’s been 6 weeks and I kept thinking I wanted him back. Was I ready for the “drama” that comes along with his return? Absolutely not. We have a tendency to forget the bad stuff based on our pain and loneliness. The transference of blame is incredible. only shows me that reconciliation would be a huge mistake.
I’m back at day one of NC but I am stronger. These set backs are not worth the pain. He left me! I need to remember that. I am really struggling financially and emotionally right now but I know this won’t last forever.
Thanks again for your insight and words of wisdom. I’m working on having no regrets.
I did the mistake of rebounding with my ex and also his best friend in and around the same time after the split..his best friend knows I have rebounded with my ex but my ex doesn’t knows that I have also rebounded with his best friend…I am just too scared if he comes to know it…he won’t think twice before calling me names…scared of my name getting spoilt..I don’t know what to do..plz help me with some advice…I was too emotionally broken and hurt that time..I regret it…in my proper senses I would never done it..kindly help me with some advice..
I’ve done all the above mistakes. The worst was begging him to have me back. I don’t know why i did that when we kept trying so many times. I just could never trust him. he was always sneaky with his phone, never on loud or vibrate and only ever used it when he went to the bathroom. It wasn’t just that though, it was the constant messing around about living together, the mental abuse and him always saying he was stressed out over me
Done all the above mistakes.
the think is reading them drive me more crazy and feel worst of myself.
Am trying to be honest as much as i can because seriously
”I NEED HEP”
am shouting it loud for the first time in front of a millions of readers and am putting the courage behind It AND write what i do really feel inside of me that keep on crushing me.
so am asking if any one wants to help
PLEASE READ MY STORY TILL THE END
i cant stop thinking and imagining of her and i coming back together its been almost 5 years of my pain and just cant get out of it.
My story goes way back in 11/11 2001 when we met i was 25 she was in her 20,
in that time i was really and repeat really popular and a Manager of a famous night life, i use to know most of common known faces and famous people, hang with them, after party’s hangouts you name it i admit i wasn’t an angel but in that time i was getting filled up after 8 years of this night life ambiance and i was trying to get out from this atmosphere as well, it is fun and good feeling to be wanted and feel loved but it was missing always the true thing cause u know it is not the real thing you want something from them the want something from you and its always the same or if you met someone it will be a one night stand or a F**k buddy, casual relation cause this how it is in such places.
Until one day after those years where we usually hangout after work to do our meeting on a coffee where day walkers meets the night walker.
A sweet face approche my table after i finished my meeting with the staff, asking me with that big smile on the face ” i dont want it to look as i am hitting on you but what is that you do everyday on that sketchbook”
and to be honest for the first time after all these years someone approche me to ask me an innocent question about something i like, and not the usual questions i get from my night life.
so invite her and we sit and have a pure regular fun conversation in one hour before she goes to her university and i go to bed.
we where meeting like that sometimes for almost 3 months until her birthday came on 29 jan 02 and i throw her a surprise party for her 21 and we start to meet up more in the mornings while shes going to uni and i to bed and in the afternoon before i go to work and she goes home.
few months more we were dating and hanging out it was officially we are in relation until the my third yearly Christmas invitation where i meet up with her parents when they told her later that am not the right person for her plus the culture don’t help.i endured and faced lots of racism and bulling in my life because of my dark color.
(She’s a typical Lebanese village girl and am a mixed of european afro Lebanese from the city) Means my look fall more into dreadlocks earrings all stars shoes and not the freak on the leach type by that i mean the suit.
Anyway it did not effect on our relation since she decide to continue and its her life not them and she the one that she loves me.
And gave me more of a motivation and self esteem and started to think more of how to flip and show them that they were wrong about me and am not what am look like until i had a chance to go abroad to Dubai and start a new life in 05 where i went and start from zero building myself and we were in long distant relation for almost 8 month she did visit me once as a surprise on my birthday during that phase and she was telling me that she want to be with me and shes missing me where i promised her that ill make it happen and by the end of that year i did brought myself a car and rented a house and brought her abroad where we started to live together and planing to our future we were almost married the only thing was missing is papers we had those rings match and bracelet matches i mean my love life was to good to be true i was completely changed started to be more responsible and yes i became freak on leach in real estate as assistant sales manager i mean i was going on the right track. where one day my little girl who i trust her dearly and in my life for supporting our cause and that proved that she loves me. started to change her habits of staying late chatting with her friends as she use to tell i did have no problem with that and it becomes more and more of her first thing to do as soon as we get home i mean she was so attached to facebook and messenger that sometimes i end up eating alone until one day i had peak and i wish someone did punch me in the face because what i was i was shocked that Innocent thing that i know is flitting dirty chat with someone she met on facebook.
and we had our fight she cried and explain that it was fun nothing serious its just words i was in silent treatment with her like for a week and we went back she cut the crap of chatting for a while enough to deserve my trust in her again.
But that was a shock to me and i started many times during the day i just to go i think what if? and what if? until the what if came one day after visiting her parents the usual visits that she do during the year to find out that she did cheated on me with one of her friends but this time was physical and she admit it to me and it was a mistake, i hold up myself seriously i didn’t know what to do i was in mix up emotion i was angry and feeling sorry to see her cry like that enough for me to go to my weak point and hold her.
we were going up and down fighting on everything and never felt her sorry was manful i was trying to find the WHY?
talked to her to find out the crazy answer after asking over and over to tell me ” he was my crush but i wont you know that you i love and i liked”
talked to her sister who always believed in culture and the image of it and could they let this happen to let her go in someones cars the answer was ” its our sister and we will support her decisions and maybe because she was only with you”
i was in anger range and furious until today i didnt want to believe the truth i was just saying that this is not happening because the pain killed me from inside.
with all this we continued to live together since we don’t have but each other in that foreign place and we decide with all of these fight to take a break specially that her grandma passed away, and next thing i know when she came from the funeral she did it again with the same guy.
and that did killed me to know even if we are on break, we were living in the same apartment cook for her pampering take care for her when shes sick care for her and all what she do is hurting me that thing was in my head on and on i couldn’t focus on my work anymore my self esteem crushed my manager skills stated to fade i couldn’t control myself anymore cant be a leader for a team.
while the more to add on was her acting like neutral and nothing happen i didn’t feel the regret that she told me and feel her more in control and me was feeling going more to inside she was confusing me a day she hugs and kiss and care and the second she act distance.
until i decide in the end of 2011 that i have leave and give myself a chance to build up myself together again i want myself back and this has to start in the new year i shipped up my personal thing back home where she was surprised and she was thinking am bluffing and to surprise her that am leaving in the coming three days after to be back home she drives me to the airport she hugged me and cred the day i reach home she called crying to say that she misses me and she sorry to hurt me she wanted to come back. and we kept in touch where we met in few days later to pick me up to a coffee shop where we sit like we used to be laughing and talking the discussion was confusing and that was the last time i saw after we stayed in contact on whatsaap every now and checking on each other as she wanted us to be friends until few month later where i decide to leave cause i hated back home now and i don’t want to meet up with this loser who she did cheated me with cause deep inside i know am gonna kill him for working and sneaking under my nose as her friend to get her in his bed without caring what he is destroying, other my bad memories and the racism that never ends.
so i decide to go Greece as far as i can get cause if i want to go dubai ill have to face her and if i went to lebanon i might have to face both of them cause both of the country are small in where people meet up.
now am living in greece with my family where am trying to get my thing together and helping them in building a business which is going only for summer time on tourism season they believe in me cause they know how successful i can be and they got a true love for me but am the one who’s completely lost, am now 35 years trying to get what it comes just to live my life unsociable staying in my room the whole day dont trust anyone and my sickness to the girl that i love still exist and she still contact me and asking me how i am, and i do still miss her till she contact me and when she do sometimes i just let my anger and remind her of what she said or did and then i fall to my weakness and contact her again or say sorry i want to be friend with and want her back.
yes this kind of felling i have and i feel from almost 5 years i want her back i want my life back i want my stronger personality to appear again i just had it from keep saying yes for thing i dont want to do.
forgive me for my long story but am trying it to find some hope cause if anyone, anyone can help me please do, am desperate for salvation from this pain and for happiness and am afraid and don’t wanted it to go more.
I met a girl in my freshman year. We got together around junior year and were together for a year and 10 months….we had a fight….she said it was over….in my anger i said “OKAY FINE WHATEVER”….we met occasionally between now and then and she tried to get me to come back to her saying she was sorry…the only reason i didnt accept it was that was the second time she had said it was over in 3 weeks…..i didnt want to feel like a toy so i blocked her number over winter break….when we started talking again she and i continued being as close as we had been when we were together….and even kissed and more…..but then she got in a relationship with a friend of mine of 4 years…..i still talk to her and him and when i talk to her it seems like i’ve been replaced. She assures me this is not the case and that she still loves me and wants to try again…….i have made all of these mistakes except talking to her family about it……What do i do?
I actually havent had a rebound relationship because in my mind i would be unfaithfull to this girl….Even though she is with another guy
Interesting reading all of the different stories, I’m glad I’m not the only one in a difficult position.
My boyfriend and I started dating 3 months ago right after he ended a 2 year long relationship. We have known each other for 7 years and have always been friends and share the same inner circle. While he was still with his ex we talked and texted all the time, but we always had boundaries and I respected his relationship, but it quickly became apparent why we were always talking to eachother. One night we got drunk together and he professed his feelings for me, and I told him that whether or not I felt the same was irrelevant and not something we should discuss while he lived with another girl. He told me he wanted to pursue what we had and he subsequently broke it off with his live-in girlfriend 3 weeks after the conversation to prove his sincerity.
We started seeing each other immediately after she moved out of his apartment and spent almost every day together. We have absolutely the best time together where we can laugh and play but also an intellectual and passionate connection, and a great love life.
Both our families know about our relationship and we have met each other’s parents on numerous occasions before, and everyone gets along. My sister is married to his best friend, and a lot of our mutual friends are in couples, so naturally they were excited for us and started treating us like a couple a week into dating eachother. We even went on a holiday a month into seeing eachother, and we have another vacation planned and booked in May with 4 friends.
We have both talked about the importance of our relationship to each other and he has expressed a desire to move in together and settle down and that this is for the long haul. I have had my doubts whether it was moving too soon and I’ve told him before that I like to take things easy instead of rushing in, and he agreed, but because of all the ties and our friends always arranging things and events we never actually got to take it slow, it’s been a whirlwind. Personally, as much as I know that he is in love with me, I was also worried that he was emotionally unstable jumping from a relationship to another basically overnight. This idea came to materialize a couple of days ago.
For a few days he had been very closed off and not his usual happy and talkative self so when I asked him what was bothering him, he told me he is in love with me and afraid that everything has moved too quickly and that jumping from one relationship into another might have been a mistake. He is completely over his ex so she is not the issue, its moreso the fact that he never had the time to just be himself and find himself again after their breakup, and that he is afraid he is bringing emotional baggage into our relationship because of it. As much as I know he is right, it bothers me that this is coming 3 months into it. He told me he wants a future with me and wants to commit himself 100% to us, but he needs a little time to figure his own life out and feel like himself again before we go all the way and commit to each other wholeheartedly.
He assured me that this is just for short while to make sure that all ties to his past are severed so that he can go all in.
Should I worry that he needs to some time off from our relationship to help us be stronger in the future? Does this even sound legitimate or just a bad excuse? I’m extremely hurt but I’ve agreed to giving him some space. He’s texted me since to tell me how grateful he is that I understand and that he isn’t doing this to hurt me, but to help us become better together in the long run.
If any males are reading this, I would appreciate the input.
all shared stories here are really helpful. i can relate to many things. unfortunately i’ve also done similar mistakes as written about on this site and recently have done something wrong again. but i’m glad i am not the only one.
what would you say to my story though? i know it will be long…….
it all started back in summer last year…. i’ve never been easy on that guy. we had always been friends but then we started to like each other and be really close with each other.. at the beginning of this long story i always wanted to break things off between us because of certain reasons. that is something i regret until today…but i cannot change anything about it anymore..so i’ll talk about everything that happened after that. after all the drama in the start we were never successful in staying just friends. one day he said he still wanted to ‘stay’ with me even if we were not together cause he felt there was some kind of connection. he was always kind and sweet,r respecting me. but suddenly hes showed a different side of him and just got too physical. we acted like a couple again, but he didn’t want to give us a label anymore. i guess his behaviour was due to my behaviour at the beginning. so that was a really weird ‘relationship’. i wasn’t happy and did not know what to do. it was hard cause i was not strong enough to stop contacting him, i had feelings for him but thought the relationship issue we already went through, i can’t start with that again. i stood there again and had to ask myself again do i want a relationship with this guy or not? but everytime we talked about it, he got upset and asked me why i always needed a label. he even didn’t contact me for almost a week because of that topic. i was starting to feel too dependent on him because the feelings grew too strong (one night before that week we were together at my place), i was like in a dump because i was not able to talk to him.. and i was just acting horrible…constantly wrote him private messages on facebook that he didn’t respond too.. left a voice message in which i cried….even deleted him from facebook to show him my pain and anger for ignoring me..but added him again… but then he finally contacted me again.. well.. i am not sure if the reason why he avoided the official relationship topic because he only wanted to protect himself against hurting again in case i’d break things off again. he never told me why.. but he always said he forgot everything that had happened between us at the beginning, so he was not blaming me for anything, but instead he complained why i couldn’t be more cool about the thing between us, to just go with the flow and have fun and not feel so bad for everything everytime. it was suspect.. but to be honest i felt bad because of everything that had already happened between us and that i couldn’t give him something official and i felt bad when we were acting like a couple because of exact that reason. and i think the truth is everything he wanted was to be physical and being surrounded by someone so that he didn’t have to be alone..i don’t know… and i was too naive and inexperienced to snap out of it. i was playing with the fire. then after a while one night i seriously asked him whether he wanted to try it again and be my boyfriend and i’ll be his girlfriend and i promised not to run away again. he just responded “okay”. not the best response.. i thought everything was so weird and it was like i was forcing things to happen. but well so we were a couple again, but as i said it just felt so weird. maybe he was really just distancing himself for his own reasons.. i do not know.. but he told me he had problems and said that were the reasons why he was acting weird.. and that i needed to know that i was not the only thing he had to care about in his life….. by that time everyone who knew about him and me and supported me at the beginning, was not supporting me anymore. they didn’t think it was a good idea for me to still stick with him. they were afraid that he was using me. yes, he really was acting so different from what i knew. i made all the first steps in contacting him, meeting up him.. if i hadn’t done anything, i am sure i wouldn’t had seen him, heared from him..it hurt… eventually it didn’t make sense for me to stay in that kind of relationship any longer, even though things were official again… but that was just clearly not what i wanted.. so i ended it. after that he just chatted with me as if nothing had happened. and then i asked him why he didn’t make any effort anymore. his response was: because i got boring. he meant physically…..because we had some disagreements when it was abotu sex… at that moment i felt really hurt… so hurt that i deleted him from facebook and deleted all pictures with him on my profile. somehow it happened though that we contacted each other again. i called him and wanted to talk things through. he admitted that he just wanted sex for the wrong reasons, that he realized how it really sucks not getting any response when texting or messaging someone, that i always caught him at the wrong timings though…… well, he said all the right things but i was unable to just forgive and forget everything.. it hurt too much.. and also it was like i still made all the effort in talking to him and making him opening up….though he sounded kinda uneasy when i brought up the let’s stay friends thing….i was really acting so wrong many times…i somehow could not let go… then there came days we chatted casually… we stayed in contact…. we added each other on facebook again….. but i realized everything was different… our talks got superficial, distant..as if we didn’t know each other so well.. and he was not always the nicest person…it hurt…especially because i got to know that he was starting to be close with a close friend of mine… and somehow i couldn’t just let him go away with what happened and with that and couldn’t act as if i was doing okay.. all the anger came up again…. initiated by his contact with her… he even posted a youtube video on facebook which was about “there is always that one person the friend of your girlfriend that you have a crush on”:… i don’t know.. at times he was just so good in acting like a jerk…. soon there was that christmas party at my family’s and my place to which many friends of mine and he also were invited to. before that i posted a status message on facebook and he read that… he asked my friend with who he got close to whether she knew what i meant and told her that he was worrying about me.. (!) she told me about it and i was surprised…for the first time i got to know that he actually was able to care about me and my feelings… and he told her that he was unsure whether he would still go to the christmas party…on the same night he even called me…!!!!! which he never did before… but i was too angry and hurt to take that call…and i continued to be bitchy…and act hurt… and write him more facebook private messages… i wrote something like “you shouldn’t have called” and explained everything..but unfortunately added many not so nice words and at the end i was like “see you at the christmas party if you come”…… he never responded as he always did..even though he had admitted that he knew how that must suck… i felt bad afterwards though..then finally there was the christmas party.. i got to know that he didn’t talk a single word with my girlfriend at the party…..also at the beginning he was acting all nice towards me… it was like he actually tried to go along with me..maybe because it was a party? i don’t know…. well, i guess i was still too in love and hurt to even look at him properly and i certainly could not talk to him… and maybe he felt offended by that…then one moment at that night i started to talk to him… i just couldn’t take it…. he was not too amused by that idea…. it hurt…. surely he was mad because of my messaged before that night…. but surely he was also mad because i always was the one who acted as if she didn’t know what she wanted… going back and forth back and forth………..if only i could have controlled my feelings..i would have shut down all the negative ones and done my best in getting along with him peacefully…………so then the christmas holidays followed and i was leaving the city with the close girlfriend i told you about…visiting friends of ours in another city….. he even texted us merry christmas and happy new year…yeah that was nice..but i still was hurt at the thought that he actually didn’t want to contact me but to contact my friend.. i don’t know..that was always something that bugged me…..and then one night, we still were out of town, he and some friends of us were at a house party and they were drunk and used his facebook account….liked many pictures of naked girls on facebook..and talked to my friend and me..and liked her profile pics and some of mine too… they acted so jerkish…even if they did it ouf of fun, i was not too amused by it all..then i just texted him personally “that’s embarassing.. why are you letting them using your facebook account and doing all that stuff..people can see that..” and his response was just “i was present/involved”…i spent new year’s eve out of town..and then posted a status on facebook which said “what’s past is past”..then suddenly on the same day HE private messaged me on facebook, sending me a picture with the title “damn she’s crazy” and he wrote “look that is you”…….i didn’t know what to think.. at first i was wondering “huh? a private message by HIM”..and then i saw the link and was like “oh”…. i thought i’ll just laugh it away and respond with a friendly “haha”.. but then i actually read the whole thing and i started to cry…. i didn’t respond… i was back in the city… and eventually i responded anyway and asked him what he expected that i would say to that picture….and told him that i was hurt…and kinda complained that i was the only one of both of us who was still in pain… the reason why i was hurt so much was because even if i ended things between us at the end again, it felt like he ended everything because of his distant behaviour and on top of that as a girl i was confronted with the issue that he used me and just wanted sex…all the time…… well..his response was careless, as usually… he didn’t care about my feelings and said he didn’t expect any response, and certainly not such an emotional and long message by me again… he kinda hated it when i was getting emotional..that he clearly showed me everytime again and again………..then after that i heard that he was acting bitter when it was about me… i was told that he said he started to lose respect for me…he criticised the way i lived.. he just commented every negative thing he had got to know about me.. i always saw our friends alone without him and vice versa…well….there started to be too much resentment on both sides..a friend said that he needed to say those things about me for his own ego.. maybe he also was dealing with that post breakup stage thing…once he posted that song on facebook that says i got 99 problems but a bitch aint one….then once he posted when i was your man by bruno mars…. i really do not know if he ever thought about me when posting that stuff.. i only believed that everything that was negative was for me.. but not the song by bruno mars..certainly not…then once he posted some song about heartbreak, he just liked the way that girl was singing and he even added “not heartbroken as the song may suggest”…well once i still made the mistake writing random angry comments, but this time i deleted them again….everything that he talked about on facebook with our friends were just so provocative..letting everyone know how he met pretty girls and joined those spotted pages…..especially i was hurt that he always commented when my girlfriend was posting something on her facebook..and what was really weird was that he also joined the conversations i was involved in….but never talked directly to me..that was so weird…well.. i was tired of that and i was tired of facebook stalking him…so i deleted him once again…and have not added him ever since… these days i also blocked him so that he wouldn’t have to see it if i commented on some of our mutual friends’ facebook posts..and that i don’t feel tempted to write something on their profiles to get his attention or that he knows what is going on in my life…but this year there were still some occasions where we had to see each other because of the same circle of friends we share….and it was painful for me…not being able to talk to him..receiving his evil glares just like at the christmas party…..it’s like he never admitted what he ever did wrong between us…and…did all that crappy stuff on facebook and the crappy comments about me ….it was like so typical..that he as the guy got so quickly over everything.. and could act so cool about it, you know… it was just those two times when i felt like he could care about me.. the night when he called me before the christmas party and told my friend he worried about me and the second time when he posted that song by bruno mars… maybe he was referring to me.. but maybe not..well.. i don’t know..it was just so appropriate for him to post that because on that day he met two friends ouf ours who i had met a few days before….but maybe he just liked the song..and his post had nothing to do with me…anyway…
i still talked too much about him with a friend of us.. like saying negative things about him too and still being bitter and angry… it hurt so much more because of all the things i heard that he had said about me.. which made it even harder for me to get closure, i guess… and the fact that he acts like i am the only one to blame for everything.. he even told someone that he is not sure if he ever had any feelings for me…. he turned into that person cold as ice towards me which again got clear in the next incident.. not too long ago i talked to the friend again and complained and stuff…that was after he and our friends were together studying in the library. for the first time he made some effort to also talk to me..different from the other occasion before when we had to see each other..but in the library only when we were surrounded by others he was acting nice and neutral towards me… because once when he was sitting next to me because he had no other choice and that seat next to me was free, i could not help but talk to him and ask him what he was studying.. but again i received that evil glare by him..!!! inwardly i thought why are you staring at me like that.. aren’t you the one i should look at like that…. on that day i thought i could do it, go there and join him and our friends, not care about him.. but i tell you it still hurt….i was getting in a good mood when we made eye contact and greeted each other, when he suddenly talked to me too… but then again got in a bad mood when my personal conversation with him failed, he looking so angrily at me… and the fact that he could sit next to me and study without any problems also just hurt… secretly i was always busy with the thoughts that he was there….
all in all i was acting really hard on him, i admit i have a complicated and not so easy personality to deal with…and eventually i got part of that “crazy ex behaviour” or “damn she’s crazy” persona due to all my many and oftentimes long and emotional private messages and text messages i ever sent him……..
and i tell you just some days ago i EMAILED him!!!!…. yes, i blocked him on facebook, i do not have his phone number anymore.. BUT I EMAILED him.. i hate myself for that… one day after it i regretted it so much… it’s just that these days i have problems.. and in times like that i really miss talking to him.. because he understood these kind of problems… in the email i let him know i feel regretful about where we’re now and that i am sorry for everything that happened also the things he might have heard that i was telling our friend about him… and i brought up the topic whether we could get along again…and i asked him if he could tell me whether he thinks we could talk normally again one day or not.. if he thinks whether we can never go along again…and that he honestly can tell me if he wants me to leave him alone..and i wrote “although i know i could tell it myself that you want me to leave you alone but i think it’s okay to try to contact someone again”…and i said that i am not asking for being close friends again.. guys, imagine i sent him that email after i told our friend about all my complaints ………and by the way, ever since he stopped contacting that girlfriend… maybe that friend let him know about my opinions and thoughts….. and he stopped doing crappy stuff…. but since he tunred into cold as ice and obviously started to really hate me…not wanting to talk to me…..being over it.. he must be very disturbed by me EMAIL…!!!!…………………………-.- what would you tell me? what do you think about me and my story? i admit my story is really complicated..and maybe you do not understand why i am complaining so much and am in pain when i was the one who acted wrongly at first, always breaking things off between him and me.. which in retrospect must have lead him to hating me, losing respect for me as he does now… right now i am at a stage where i do not want to be angry and bitter anymore….but still i regret sending that email… i never proved to him that i can act sane and just leave him be and get over it….it is march and i contacted him again…..and it is kinda hard not to be angry and bitter because now all these positive feelings for him are coming up again… and my mind is filled again with all the happy moments we shared…………i thought i was getting better…but then it comes back all again..and i cry again.. but it does not hurt the same anymore… maybe that shows i actually made some progress… it is as danimal said ” Some people need more time to heal, even if it was a short lived relationship”…….i feel pathetic though.. i just wish as i also wrote in my email to him that everything would have never happened and we could be okay again….you know… but that email was inappropriate and just wrong behaviour.. and i hate it that i am missing him again… regretting things bygone times…..and i read the truth is one does not miss the other person in such a situations… it is just during hard times… or just memories….but i can tell that i am not over it yet completely….but i was making so good progress…with ups and downs you know..
i hope someone reads my long story..:/// please i need some advice and opinions……since i think some of you can relate to me…a bit at least…
Your feedback really helps me, thank you so very much for listening
my ex fiance and I met online in August 2012 we spoke for a little bit throughout the month, he had just lost his mother the year before to cancer and his father was extremely sick and dying from the same cancer, we had our first date September 3rd and then I went away for 2 weeks, in this time he was calling and texting me( telling me he’d never met a girl like me ) he texted excessively to the point where I thought he was extremely needy but I felt as if he was a good person and he just needed someone to be there for him, we had our second date was September 18th. on October 18th he asked me to marry him he was talking about having a baby and even insisted on buying my wedding dress.. We were planning our wedding had our list and everything ( we almost just went to the courthouse and got marriedthen ) we were completely in love with one another he was a happy and funny person who treated me like a queen. everything was wonderful for the first month and then he started being depressed and unhappy he asked me if he could take steroids because he had gotten to the point where he lost all the muscle he had previously gained before his father has passed I agree because he said it was a very low dose and would not change message person unfortunately this is not what happened he became extremely depressed very moody just a different person. we started to bicker and have little arguments but I just couldn’t believe what’s happening I could tell there was something seriously wrong with him but I wasn’t strong enough to let him go and deal with his situation unfortunately everything came to an end January fourth 2013 it started out as a mutual breakup and we agreed that we just rush things but in my mind I didn’t want to completely give up. he said he started seeing a counselor and that he needed to find happiness from within and work on his insecurities, I agreed. We were still in touch for a couple days and he still told me he loves me and that he’d never had a love like what he had with us being together nor that he never had a girl be so good to him within a couple days I could tell things change the more and he was more distant I had gone to his house 3 weeks later to get them things he had left my house and vice versa and in that time he was extremely mean telling me not at the time when we met he wasn’t very vulnerable state from losing his parents and he needed someone and I was there and he told me to move on that he had already moved on ( but I didn’t think he was saying he had moved on with another person) he said that the ship has sailed and it was over as any girl could imagine I was extremely upset and hurt that he was being so mean I’ve never seen that side of him and so I texted him so horrible things that I truly regreted. that night he told me to lose his number 3 weeks have passed and I did nothing but cry over him and the situation. we happen to live close to 1 another and I ended up seeing him with another girl I just couldn’t believe my eyes it has only been 3 weeks or a month and he has started another relationship and was cosidering living with this person. I truly truly could not believe he would do something like that, I ended up going out the evening and drinking and my emotions got the best of me I did something very unethical and something I’ve never done before I went to his house and keep his car, I knew I was wrong doing it the second I did it but it was too late the next morning he came to my house I’m called me and told me that I needed to pay or he would press charges. I apologized and told how hurt I was that he would be considering living with someone so soon, gave him money and left… you are absolutely right about feeling horrible after doing something like that I have been asking God for forgiveness ever since I did and I just don’t know how to redeem thyself. Of course now I am label as the crazy ex and that is so far from the truth. Girls I’m here to tell you if you think doing something like this will make you feel better, it WON’T it will only hurt you and make you feel less of a person in the end. I cried every night since I did this and I feel absolutely horrible. In a mans opinion what do guys think when their ex acts this way? do they ever consider that what they did hurt this person so bad and that they’re truly not crazy they were just extremely hurt and emotions were at their worst. I have never show it any kind of action like this throughout our whole relationship. don’t people seeing that what he did was extremely crazy and unacceptable. Not excusing my actions at all, but just wish people understand when girls react like this it has to be the consequences of what the man they were with had carelessly done to there heart and not because the girl is crazy.
Unfortunately it’s rare when they take responsibility for hurting someone’s feelings. And yes, you doing what you did gave him just the excuse he needed in order not to look bad. If it makes you feel any better I once had an ex who after we broke up I never spoke with again, didn’t call or text him or contact him in any way, I deleted him from my facebook and he still told everyone I was a psycho for deleting him. Sometimes with douche bags, you just can’t win! I’d be curious to know as well if they realize that you’ve just hurt someone so bad that they’re not themselves….but I highly doubt it. I broke an ex’s heart too, I tried hard to have feelings for him, I tried to fake my feelings in order to make them come true, and they didn’t. BUT, I apologized to him, admitted I shouldn’t have faked my feelings and led him on, promised not to date anyone for a while out of respect for his feelings, and when he told me he still wanted to be friends, I let him know that I felt like I’d be hurting him more if we remained friends. He posted some mean/some sad things about me on facebook and I didn’t get angry with him, I understood that I had hurt him deeply and think I deserved even more mean posts. I was happy for him when I found out he met a girl shortly after, but I felt awful for months still for having hurt him at all even when I knew he was happy. I wish my recent ex had felt just a bit of the guilt for me that I felt for my other ex. Where is karma when you really need it? 🙁
thank you for replying Angie yes that does make me feel better, I guess when guys do with a do they just don’t think about the consequences and how when they play with someone’s emotions they don’t realize what it does to the other person. ( it’s almost like in a murder trial, they say that someone goes temporarily insane (this is how I felt that day when I saw him with this person leaving a leasing office my heart was pounding out of my chest I felt as if I was going to have a heart attack, literally ) this was the same day that I keyed his car) I am a stable person and I know I can get on without him, but when I love I love unconditionally and give everything and when he asked me to marry him and talked about having a baby with me then ending it so soon and starting a relationship with someone else just really tore me apart I don’t see how someone can have feelings and change them so quickly this all happened in a matter of for months from beginning to end. I guess I should have seen the red flags when he asked me to marry him only a month after knowing him not realizing he had his insecurities and his neediness was the reasoning of his wanting to be married so soon. he had already been married for 11 years and his ex wife ended up marrying the man she cheated on him with. I’ve been in quite a few relationships which ended and i got iver them fine but I’ve never had one where I’ve hurt this long. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I guess knowing that even though he might be in a relationship now it won’t last because he’s never taking the time to deal with his insecurities like he said he needed to. He just jumped right into another relationship in hopes that she would bring him happiness, this is what he said he has been doing for the past 5 years ( going from relationship to relationship moving to 4 different places in a year, buying a $4000 dollar dog and he said nothing has made him happy ) and why he’s just not happy with himself. I guess he will just continue the cycle and continue hurting girls the way he hurt me
gosh I see the same red flags over and over again on this site. For example my ex used the same “I’m feeling depressed” excuse with me, so I was trying to be supportive. HA! I think we should start interpreting “depressed” as “I am falling out of love with you and don’t know how to tell you” DEPRESSED is a red flag!. And the part about him proposing and wanting a baby, same thing happened to me, even when I wasn’t sure of my feelings towards him, he told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and was so insistent on how bad he wanted a baby with me, that I felt like he cared more about me than I did for him. Boy was I wrong…hopefully someone else can learn from our mistakes….
I was with my ex for 5 years. I’m 21 now. Last February we split up after I stupid looked on his Facebook and saw he was getting overly friendly with a work colleague. I was heartbroken but felt like a fool for looking at his facebook. I’d thought we were going really well before then. A week after we split he got with his colleague. They’ve been together ever since. He’s accused me of cheating. I NEVER once cheated. He did though, a few times. He was constantly on forums and online ‘sex’ games where you could interact with others through virtual character. He left me for a girl he met through a gaming console. I openly admit that I made so many mistakes. But he’s punishing me right now. He’s constantly bringing up the mistakes I made, calling me things, making me feel like crap. I don’t know if he ever really loved me and it hurts so bad to think that. I don’t understand why he’s still so bitter towards me. I still love him so it hurts 10x more. I really don’t know how to get over this and move on for good 🙁
I have been dating this girl for just over a year. When I met her, she was unemployed. I helped her pay her rent, bought food, etc. etc.
At one stage I broke off the relationship, because she got a “all expenses” paid trip overseas. Which she claimed was a sponsor for modelling.
Then she contacted me, and told me how much she misses me. I fell for it. And continued to pay her bills.
Then, last month she got a job, and we decided to move in together. Yet I had to put the flat on my name, pay the deposit, and buy all the furniture. I live in the country, and she needs to be in town. So she couldn’t stay with me, but I could move to town.
Yet, she has so many secrets. All her friends are on her facebook, but despite everything I have done for her, she cannot put a pic of “us” on her facebook. I am listed as a friend on her facebook, but can only she her pics, all the other info is blocked.
So yesterday, just before signing for the flat, I said she must first put a pic of “us” on her facebook, and acknowledge my help over the last year. Instead, she broke up, saying I am insecure and don’t know what I want out of life. This past year has cost me a small fortune, and I think I have just been used for financial gain. Sadly, I would have never thought this, as she is Catholic and reads her Bible and prays every morning. May God forgive her, I do.
Me & my ex were together for more than 6yrs. He was my first love my first everything. We had plans of getting married and having kids together. throughout the years we started to have our UPS and downs but usually ended resolving them. One day we had gone to a party with some friends and while I was in a room with my friend he thought I had cheated which I didn’t. The next day all I got was a Text from him saying it was over & never heard from him since. one month after the break up he had finally found a new gf. A year after she ended pregnant and are living together. Is it normal for me to feel sad and bad about this? Is it normal for me after it’s been more than a year? I feel like my life has gone bad and I honestly think it’s not fair when I haven’t done anything wrong. 🙁
Hi Anonymous,
My relationship is almost the same, almost 5 years with my ex who is my first love. We had plan to get marry, just like you. During the last few months, he became distant, then he broke up with me. He says he does not love me anymore. Less than 2 months after our break up, he already has someone new. To answer your question, I think its normal for you to feel that way since I do too. But we have to accept the truth that people will always be unfair to us no matter how good you are to them. You just have to accept this and move on. Please do not waste your life over someone who is not worthy of your love. Start from scratch, just like what Eddie says, get healed, move on and improve yourself. Do not mind your stupid ex, you deserve someone much much better than him. Love yourself, so that no one will ever hurt you that much again. Hope you are doing fine. Bless you. 🙂
Me & my gf broke up over 6 months ago but we still kept in touch and we still went out. The first months after we broke up we would always go out and hang out with one another, but not as just friends, we would hold hands and every thing else as if we were bf & gf again (when we weren’t). I’m the one that loved her, she was still stuck in the past thinking of her ex. (That’s not the reason why we broke up in the first place) for 4 months we would go out together, watch a movie, go out to eat, or spend time at her house watching a movie or just spending time with her family. (She told I was the first bf to ever meat her family) in those 4 months we would eventually have problems with one anther. I would usually get stubborn on things she would do and things she would say, at times when we would be together it seamed that her phone was more important than me, and she would always talk to other guys.. Say she loved them all.. Leading them on.. It would always get to me and get me mad and it would make me confront her about it, but it would always make me look bad when I would be stubborn. We stopped talking 6 times because of that, sometimes it would be because of what I would say or something she would say for us to not want to talk to one another but at the end I would always want to make things right and make us ok with one another. And I would, but things that she would say about me always get to me and make me thing if I should even make things up with her or not.. But to me no matter what I did it anyways because the feeling of being happy with her made it ok. But at the end I would use her brother to help me out in fixing things with her.. And even her mom and friends. On the 4th month on December she got to the point (where I thing) that she got tired of me messing up things and fixing them and she just wanted everything to end.. She told me she was with her ex that she loved a lot. And that killed me inside and I tried to let it go not getting mad and telling her something i knew I would regret.. But she kept at it and it broke me and I had to tell her only one thing. About her always leading guys on, that I hated her for it, that it only made her look like a ….. And she started telling me things and I just didn’t reply back to her.. That day at night I replied pretending to be someone else to make it seam that I was back with my ex that I had once cared about a lot to and I was spending time at her house watching a movie. And that fake persona told her everything I’ve ever kept in… About how I tried to be there for her and her family because her father left them because he wanted to be alone. That the only reason her ex took her back was because he just wanted to use her and just throw her aside when he was done, that she was a ….. For always being how she was.. That I was always stupid enough to have loved her so much and to have gone thought so much for her to have things end like that. Everything I told her. I left things at that, I didn’t fix things because I knew it was my fault. I made up a lie with a a fake person named CAS. And went with it up till now, I tried to make the lie as real as possible getting my self involved, making myself and her look bad by that person. Only way I saw things.. Because I was mad… But at the end and up till now. The things that where said I can’t tell what was true or not. On the things that where supposed to be about her. That what’s she told Cas. That she never loved me at all and she was just playing with me. That she would cry not wanting me there around her. That I was the only guy she trusted but because of all of that she didn’t want anything to do with me because she lost that trust. That she was always honest with me. But… I can’t put things together.. Because if she never loved me how come she gave me so many opportunitys to make things right between us for sometime to make us feel as bf&gf again but for me to mess thing up and for her not to talk to me & for her to of told me I loved you after we broke up.. That had to of meant something. Her not wanting me around, her crying.. I didn’t think that was true.. But never saw it when we where together if we where always happy and laughing with one another when we were together other than when things messed up then yes. I believed it. Her to trust me and for her to not trust me no more.. I believe. Because I trusted her to.. Up till now I’ve tried to fix things but its only made things worse.. To the point that I can’t make things up to her no matter what. I can only tell the truth.. That It was me that I was Cas. That it was all my fault.. To make things up to her but not for my happiness but for her’s. because all I’ve said was the truth but no one knew and they are telling her things because of it. And that’s my only solution to make things right is to take all the blame and put my self out there for all the problems that’s happened to her. I want to help her and come out as a hero than to go and think so much about it to go down the rout of infamous and make her look worse so no one would want to be with her. But I don’t know anymore… I’m lost.. I’ve been with 2 other girls and non of them have made me forget about her.. Wile she hasn’t had a bf because she docent want one because of me that she can’t trust no one no more… I love her to the point that I would do anything for her. But her side is another story I will only guess at..
-“Added”
She had lied of being back with her ex, because I had talked to him and he didn’t know anything about it and he also considered her a ….. Because I told him the truth on what she told me about him.
hi guys
My gf just dumped me a week ago saying she did not have any feelings and said she was not seeing anyone. but dumping was one thing, i was ready to let her go but this saturday her relationship status changed “in a relationship with another man. This just killed me and on top of that the cycle wheels i gave her on her birthday as gift, was on her new bf’s bike and the new bf saying ” my gf of one day loaned me these $1000+ wheels to use for competition” i cried, screamed and since i had no one to talk to i called her mum. After reading this i just realized i made a big mistake. But i only did this because i felt like killing myself and had to chat with someone. I guess u learn. This was my first relation and i loved her too much.
kukut, I am 39 years old man. I have had alot of experience in this life… if there is one thing I have seen happen to me or my friends, its that the ex-girlfriends who treated us the worst, get theirs in the end. I am not a fortune teller, but I can say this, most women who use a guy like that, come back to him later to try to rekindle the flame. Most of the time it happens when the guy is well beyond taking her back and least expect it. If she does come back, and I think she will later, and you take her back… she will do it to you again. Killing urself isn’t an answer, getting over her is. Learn from it so you don’t get into another relationship like the one u had with her.
Thank you, and I don’t know what to feel. I am just trying to stay positive and talk through what has happened. I just don’t want to be angry or bitter. I have been keeping busy and connecting with close family and friends. I’ve even joined clubs in the community to stay active…anything to keep my mind away from everything related to him.
You need to look at it this way, when you sent that e-mail and brought up maybe walking away, if he didn’t want that, he could have (and would have) responded and asked you to reconsider. Plus, you’ve reached out to him, if he wanted you back he had opportunities to take you back. So don’t blame yourself, like you said, it sounds like he left the relationship long before you put it into writing…If he responded to you back in December then I’m sure he doesn’t hate you, he’s probably just trying to cut off communication being that he’s moved on…I know it hurts to realize that. I feel that pain and embarassment of rejection too even though it was me that cut it off, because I know that if he didn’t want to lose me, all he had to do was fight for me…send a text..keep the communication. But he didn’t. He just let me go. I wish I could tell you how to feel better, but I have yet to figure that out myself 🙁
I met this guy during the early part of last year. Things seemed great and for the first time in my life I felt like things were going well. For the first time I allowed myself to open up and trust without hesitation. Things seemed great. We lived about 30minutes apart and I would stay over at times.
He had three female roommates which never set well with me. But that is not where my doubts began. He begin making excuses why we could not hang out or why he didn’t respond. Even then I tried to keep my emotions in check and not doubt his intentions. But when he said he wanted to do more things with me outside and he closed by saying I needed to get my allergies under control before we could hang out…this caught me off guard. I was confused. A month passed and I was confused. I tried to reach out to him but his only response was that he was sorry and that he missed me. He stated he was just super busy. I waited a week without initiating any contact with him to see if I would hear from him. I later sent an email letting him know I missed him and that I hoped things were okay, but I also explained to him that if this wasn’t something he could make time for then maybe we should walk away because I didn’t like the way it was making me feel. He never responded and I am still trying to figure out where I went wrong.
I never allowed myself to hurt or grieve when it happened and I can’t help but blame myself for how things ended. If only I was more understanding…or if I held on a little longer…or if I didnt question his feelings. I feel like i should not feel hurt because I ended things with him. I had a miscarriage from a previous relationship where I was very stress, emotionally abused and that guy threatened to kill me because I visited my family in another state. I would not hear from that guy for months at a time…and things in this relationship just started to remind me of that relationship and how he had become very distant.
I have tried reaching out to him by explaining myself. I stopped for a few months and reached out to him again this past Christmas. He responded and we spoke. He acted as though nothing had happened and i did not revisit why things had ended. I let him know that i missed him, but he stopped the communication and I have sent a few this year that he has not responded to. I don’t know why he talked to me briefly in december only to tell me he moved on last month when I asked if we could work things out or if he had moved on. I feel as though he’s upset with me and that he hates me. But I feel as though he walked away from the relationship well before I sent the email. I have not been able to move pass this and I am feeling the hurt I should have felt when it happened…but I tend to supress/hide my emotions when I am hurt. I feel so lost and confused. But I am trying to move on. I don’t think there is anything left to do and he seems unaffected by all that has happened. I am feeling rejected even though it was I that ended everything. I am not bitter or mad…I am just hurt…love hurts
We had a “fairytale” romance. At least as far as I knew…He was literally everything I wanted, I didn’t mind giving up my friends or my family to be with him at all times, I had all I needed, he was perfect, he planned out of the ordinary dates, was too handsome for his or my good (I like to think I am an attractive girl too) had a good job, brought me around his family, talked about the future and what we would name our kids etc. where we would live, how our life would be, I was sure he was the one I would spend the rest of my life with. But there was this one red flag which in retrospect was HUGE, but I chose to ignore being that everything else felt perfect. He didn’t want to be in an “official” relationship, we weren’t seeing anyone else, and were doing everything couples do, aside from making it public to our friends (his family on the other hand referred to me as his wife). His excuse was that he had already been in and out of two relationships in 2012 and he didn’t want to be given a hard time by his friends for starting a 3rd being that he’s 27 years old and not in high school. Total BS. One of those relationships had ended one week before me met and had lasted only 4 months, she was only 20 years old and didn’t speak English or have a job. I am also 27, have a college degree, a career, am independent etc., we also have the same group of friends so we never had to argue about who to hang out with or what to do on the weekends. He said he liked this and it was quite a change from his ex. Towards the end of the year he started acting standoffish, I have never been one to pursue a guy, I never even text a guy if they don’t text me, I know it’s a good and bad thing. He contacted me and said he was hurt that even when he kept his distance to see if I’d notice, I did not contact him. I cared SO much for him that I said I would change, and began texting him here and there and being more open about my feelings which is totally unlike me, I just didn’t want to lose him. Thing is, when I started being more open, he pulled away more and more, which made me very self conscious so I stopped completely and was absolutely hurt and embarassed. He contacted me again and said he wanted to be friends on Christmas Day, 2 weeks since we’d last talked. I told him we were never friends to begin with and I could never see him as a friend, he didn’t respond, and then I felt horrible for being so cruel on Christmas Day, so I said I was sorry and I didn’t mean to be cruel. He responded that he just wanted one opportunity to talk in person. Of course this gave me hope that he would try and fight for me, so I agreed. December 30th we meet up and of course one thing lead to another and we ended up in bed where he brought up how I had to be pushed to send him messages, and how I’ve never introduced him to my family, how I never made an effort to just “talk” to him, and that he felt like the only time we connected was when we had sex. I let him know I was keeping my guard up because really, he wasn’t officially my boyfriend and I was so afraid of feeling stupid, he had no response. That was pretty much the end of the conversation, he asked me out for the next day which was New Years Eve but that same night we went to dinner, held hands, hugged, kissed, he didn’t want to let me go at the end of the night so I thought we were “back together”. And that was pretty much the last I heard of him aside from a couple of random texts here and there which lead to dead end conversations (he stoppped responding). He even cancelled on me on New Years Eve with the excuse that he had a cold (he later posted pictures on FB, it was all a lie) so I deleted him and his family from my facebook, from my phone, from all my pictures, untagged myself in pictures he had of us and did everything I could on my end to cut him off. He text me to say he saw I had deleted and blocked him and that he had no idea what he had done to me but that I am a great girl and he wishes me all the best, and included lots of happy faces, I told him I didn’t want to be one of those ex’s he still contacted out of pity, that I’d rather have no contact with him at all, and he didn’t respond. It hurt more than anything that he didn’t try to fight for me. A couple of weeks later my phone went off at the movies, I rummaged through my purse to silence it and must have had an old missed call of his that I missed deleting, and of all the missed calls in my call log, I dialed him somehow…not only once.3 times. It was humiliating when he sent me a text and asked what I wanted and realizing what I had done. Even more humiliating was realizing he had ignored all 3 of my “calls” it felt just as gutwrenching as breaking the no contact rule even though it was by accident I responded that it was an accident and sorry and left it at that, no response from him. I found out on my birthday (and no, he didn’t even bother to say happy birthday), not even a month later, that he was back with the 20 year old he broke up with a week before meeting me. Even worse, I found out through a picture on a mutual friend’s page, because he brought her to this friend’s superbowl party which I only missed because I was too hungover, I never drink, but I was just so hurt that he hadn’t contacted me at all. It could have been worse, I could have shown up and seen it, but still, it was the worse birthday EVER. I’ve since deleted my facebook and twitter completely and stopped hanging out with my group of friends as they don’t seem to think it was that big of a deal that I got used and have continued hanging out now with both of them. It’s been 2 months of no contact, and I feel like I’ve followed all the rules, but it hasn’t stopped hurting one bit, more than that, it doesn’t seem fair that he’s moved on without me, and I’m sitting here not even able to function. Any advice? I feel like I’m drowning here 🙁
To be honest, you’re better off looking for another man. Sure, you may convince yourself that he’s “perfect” but if that were the case, would he toy around with your feelings like that? You two were “together” in the outside but he never labelled you and him as a “couple”, therefore it is a waste of time for you to repair things with him. Repair yourself, love yourself, discover new hobbies, make new friends, move on. You can live without a man, and when the time comes, it will arrive in it’s own pace.
It is difficult to know who is saying what on here when every other person is Anonymous, lol. But as for the Anonymous Sophia is responding to… I just want you to know that as much as it hurts, there are people out there that know what your going through (often times because they have or are going through it too). Sophia is right, fill your time up with something positive in your life. If you want the chance to meet someone that is serious about a relationship then sign up for yoga or workout at a club. Pay attention to the red flags… there should have been two red flags with this guy, the first being he just came out of a relationship. Some people need more time to heal, even if it was a short lived relationship.
sorry 🙂 this was my first post and I was kind of shy, I have been using my name since this post. I wish it was as easily done as it is said, this all makes sense to me, I know he doesn’t deserve a single tear, but 3 months later I still find myself unable to function at times. I get anxiety attacks picturing him with her, I don’t find excitement in any of the things I used to love doing. I had to stop going to the gym because I was already losing so much weight, going to the gym was making it worse, plus I had no energy, I can’t go hiking without thinking that we used to do it together and now he does it with her. I go to restaurants and think of how much he’d like them and wonder if he takes her there. I can’t hear what was “Our” favorite radio station. All in all, I am finding it really hard to move on. All I want is to feel better, my friends get frustrated with me, but I am truly not trying to feel like this. I wish I was stronger and had already moved on. I just can’t help this.
Yes I know I was SO dumb when it came to flags, but that first one I couldn’t help but miss because he had lied to me, I asked him when his last relationship was and he told me it was 5 months before he met me, and the relationship had only lasted 4 months, he was the one to end it, so I thought I had nothing to worry about. Later, once I was head over heels, he confessed that he had broken up with her only 5 DAYS before meeting me (I actually wonder now if they were still together when he met me), but he was afraid I wouldn’t give him the time of day had he told me the truth, so he told me it was 5 months before. I get so angry at myself for being so stupid and sticking around for so long!!!!
I am sorry Angie, I didnt mean to come acrossed as knowing exactly what you should do or making it sound easy… I know it isn’t. I wish I could share more stories with you but you have to trust me, I am still having a hard time with mine as well, the list of things I mentioned was what I have found a release in… but late at night I think about my ex too. Non of it is easy, and everyday feels like the first day of no contact, but it does get easier… at some point, just takes time. If you want you can e-mail me at luke_man4 (at) yahoo.com, I wont get irritated with you for messaging me about ur ex, if u dont about mine.
I sent you an e-mail already. Promise I wont get irritated. Would love to hear your story!
i think we met the same guy. lol. ouch. 🙁
We probably did….as time has gone by I’ve realized I was only one of an entire line of girls he’s done the same thing to. It’s hard to think that it was all just a lie…even harder and more humiliating to realize I fell for it all. Almost one year living a total lie…believing in fake feelings. It just feels worse and worse….
So now that it has been months since your break up, how are u doing/ feeling now? I am 1 month post breakup and hasn’t been THAT bad I just hate that I can’t stop thinking about him and that I look at the girls social networks that he cheated on me with.
Mine was a weird breakup and I just thought since the people I know had success with theirs that mine was starting good but my happiness was short lived . he was and still is a coworker
Each day is a struggle because the pain just wont go away..but you have to fight for yourself because no one else can help you but yourself.I Know its not easy because I’ve been there and am still in the process. Each challenges we face in life there is an opportunity to change for the better. Take this opportunity to work on yourself and change your view in life into more positive.Trust me i myself took the opportunity to work on myself and its one step a time. It wont be easy, but I know it will be worth it in the end.
Best of luck:)
I know it’s been a long time since you submitted this story,so I’m hoping you could possibly help me,but I totally sympathize with what you went through..I myself am going through a bad breakup,it’s been two months now and I am actually getting worse not better..I am 44years old,my ex is 33,a big age gap I know,and the fact he is Turkish and I’m English is a big factor too..I live in North Cyprus,where I met my ex 3 years ago,we started out by seeing each other now and again,he would constantly let me down,but I kind of got used to it,and took it for what it was,which was sex now and again..things progressed in 2012,when I turned to him one day and asked him if he wanted a proper relationship,his answer was “yeah why not”..looking back that was a warning..he moved in with me,but from the start,never helped around the house,didn’t contribute financially,and basically did what he liked..he’s a gambler too,so would often stay out most of the night trying to make out he was getting us money,which never appeared,so about 7 months later,I had enough and kicked him out..within a month he was back,but nothing changed,although he did start contributing more,but would always borrow money to make it,hmmm.we carried on like that,until January this year,when I was flying to the uk for a holiday,I asked him for money he owed me,his reply was sorry couldn’t get it,I’ll make sure I get it for you when you come home…it was then that something snapped and I asked him to leave,which he didn’t really put up any resistance over.in the previous week he’d stayed out all night,pretending that he got arrested for drink driving,but the reality I think he met someone else,a dealer at a casino he uses..anyway,I went to London,and on my last day there,I was on fb,and noticed that my ex was in a “relationship”..I couldn’t believe it,I know I dumped him,but I was completely devastated,as I did love the man,and thought he loved me…I made the mistake if writing him a message saying it didn’t take you long to find a new girlfriend,and left it at that…he owed me a lot of money at this point,but,like yourself,don’t like to lower myself to men,by texting them,or contact so I asked a very good friend of mine to call him to ask for the money,he told them he would get me it ASAP..7 weeks went by,when I was going completely off my mind,crying all the time,and thoughts constantly going through my head,I thought I was going to really lose the plot,until one day in march I resigned myself to the fact I would never see him again,and began to feel better about myself,having my hair done and going out with the girls,so you can imagine how shocked I was when I’m at home one evening when there’s a knock on the door…it was him,with the money he owed me..I invited him in,and we sort of had a conversation about what happened,he basically moved in with this poor woman 3 days after I told him to leave as he was sleeping in his car and had nowhere to go….which now makes me think he just used me for 2and a half years and my home…anyway,there was no sex or anything like that,I cried a lot,and asked him why he didn’t fight for me..he said he’d told me 2 days before I dumped him that if I kicked him out again,he would never come back…which absolutely crushed me again…he went on his way and I tried to puck up the pieces again,but then he started calling me once or twice a week,until last wed when he once again,just turned up without calling,saying his head is messed up,and that it’s over with this girl,but he’s staying there until the end of the month as he’s paid her…he never asked me if he could come back,but I suppose because of how low my self esteem is ATM,I’ve been secretly hoping he will.he called me very briefly last night,then said he would call back 5 mins later,and needless to say I haven’t heard anything else…2 words have always been in my sub conscience when he’s concerned…constant disappointment…yet I still wish he would ask me to come home…I’m devastated yet again,and all my hard work and pain has been for nothing,so I have to start from square one again,as this man is really going to hurt me if I don’t stop this..I think he just wants to leave the door open incase he doesn’t find someone he can move in with at the end of the month…please let me know how you managed to get over this as I’m finding life extremely difficult right now,and feel I’ve let myself down badly by opening my door to him….