Anyone who has been through a tough breakup, and finally come to the realization that the only way to heal is by following the no-contact rule, have eventually come to a point where they feel trapped.
The missing, the need to see, talk, and feel your Ex again can seem so unbearable. How easy would it be to get a glimpse of the “real thing” – a peek into their actual life – by searching through their pages in Facebook, Myspace and all those social gathering places?
A new photo of him/her, what s/he has done during the weekend, if s/he still misses you – all of that seems just one click away.
But would it make you feel better?
Not for a minute, I guarantee you that.
I've done it myself many years ago.
I couldn't bear it anymore. All I wanted to see was an actual picture of her, how she looked like at that time, nothing more.
I was just curious.
But we all know that curiosity killed the cat.
I did some intense searching, (there wasn't Facebook or Myspace back then), and I finally found a little more than I had bargained for.
I found a picture of her and her new guy.
Now this is something that can destroy you in the beginning. I found myself thrown right back to the bottom of my recovery journey, with all its symptoms: panic attacks, deep despair and depression.
I took me 2 weeks to get out of that. And for what? For a short glimpse into her life?
The price was much too high.
Never ever do something like that. It's really NOT worth it. There is absolutely nothing you can gain. Nothing, believe me.
Now, IF you have decided to follow the no-contact rule, here are two things I really recommend you to do. It’s for your own sake.
1. Block Your Ex In Facebook
Facebook gives you very good help with the topic of blocking unwanted people.
Basically, everything you need to do is:
- go to your Ex's profile page
- navigate to the bottom of the page
- click on “Report/Block this person” link
- check “Block this person” and then hit “Submit.”
That's it. Your Ex will not be able to look into your pages and most importantly, YOU will not be able to follow your Ex's updates.
Your Ex will not be notified that you blocked her/him, but if s/he found out and contacted you regarding this, don't feel guilty. You are doing this because you've decided that you want to take your life and happiness into your own hands. You are doing this because YOU are the most important person in your life right now.
One important thing to know is that your Ex can still appear in mutual friends updates, so I recommend that you block them as well. You can still “unblock” them later when you feel better.
2. Restrict Access To Facebook
There is a computer-geek-way to block certain pages completely from access on your own computer. It's not difficult to do and I really recommend it for no-contact.
By doing this, you will not be able to visit Facebook or the pages where you can find current information on your Ex.
It's a little radical, but it's better to not trust yourself.
Here's how you do it:
- Find the hosts-file on your computer
- Append the following code and the bottom of the hosts-file:
The hosts-file is located at (depending on your operating system):
Windows XP, Vista and Windows 7
C:\WINDOWS\system32\drivers\etc\hosts
Windows 2000
C:\WINNT\system32\drivers\etc\hosts
Windows 98/ME
C:\WINDOWS\hosts
# Block Facebook
127.0.0.1 www.facebook.com
127.0.0.1 facebook.com
127.0.0.1 static.ak.fbcdn.net
127.0.0.1 www.static.ak.fbcdn.net
127.0.0.1 login.facebook.com
127.0.0.1 www.login.facebook.com
127.0.0.1 fbcdn.net
127.0.0.1 www.fbcdn.net
127.0.0.1 fbcdn.com
127.0.0.1 www.fbcdn.com
127.0.0.1 static.ak.connect.facebook.com
127.0.0.1 www.static.ak.connect.facebook.com
You can follow the excellent step-by-step instruction explained here.
For the Mac it’s the exact thing, except that the location of the hosts-file is a little more complicated.
Here’s a good instruction for Macs.
You can add all the URLs you want, like Facebook, their Twitter page, etc.
If you are not a computer-geek, ask a friend to do it for you. This is in any case the preferable way, because then it is harder for you to reverse the process.
I urge you to make these changes as soon as possible, because I know it's a sore temptation to check on your Ex. You will gain nothing by doing so, it will NOT ease your pain or help you to stop missing them. This is an illusion. It will only bring you suffering.
I promise you that you will win so much if you stick to the no-contact rule. You will gain independence, strength and the certainty that YOU can make your own happiness.
Isn't that worth enough to kiss Facebook goodbye for a few months?
Do you know a better method for keeping yourself from computer-stalking your Ex? Have I missed something? Please share in the comment-section below.
Your friend,
Eddie Corbano
I think that confronting your boyfriend’s ex it totally as weird as him checking out her profile… And how do you know he is doing all this? He has ex-issues, you have trust issues. Â It is a doomed relationship and you’re both to blame.
ps. yes, pretty much all men like porn. thats why Al Gore invented the internet.
Trust me, you’re not anywhere near alone……Going through the same thing and it sucks….Please get the strength to get outta bed, and please, please, please, stop checking the facebook pages….It may have stung a lil but you’ll be ok…I promise:0
 Hi,
I had some problems with my bf of 3 years.. when he didnt have a job and was sulking around.. during the same time i met a guy who was interested in me from university days.. without meaning to, i ended up having an affair with both of them.. what i wanted to do was break up with my bf.. i figured if i can have feelings for another guy while having an affair with him, he isnt the one right? but when i tried to break upw ith my bf , this new guy didnt let me do so.. he stopped me.. and then he used me for sex.. and left me.. and i know for a fact that he cheats on his current girlfriend too.. and yet.. i still find myself stalking him.. and hurting myself everytime i see “that” expression on his pix on fb.. This post really did help me in realizing that I AM NOT ALONE.. ppl are there who have gone thru the same thing.. and that really helps..now, i have patched up with my old bf.. but things arent really the same.. i keep going back to this loser, no matter how much i know that he’ll hurt me.. its just the memories, andthe sweet love he gave me during the time we were together.. I wish i could stop.. but sometimes its like addiction..Â
Hi Krishville,
Didnt your boyfriend bother about you when u were going through all the pains of delivery??? I feel so terrible listenin to what you wrote – It just kills me and brings me to tears as a female…
the fact is that guys do move on … Girls have a lot of issues with that but they can move on too…
about 3 years ago i broke up with my boyfriend.. and it was mainly because he didnot want to get engaged he felt i was ruining his freedom – 2 months after our break up i saw a girls facebook picture and it was with my boyfriend… It was their ENGAGEMENT picture..
my bf was also my best friend – i helped him in studies… he knew how broken i wd get he knew i wd almost kill myself as i have earlier used the blade over silly fights…
i was devastated… i sat down crying and broken… and remembered all that i did for him and that he did in return –
I was played – and it was time i got to throw my PRINCE CHARMING IMAGE to trash – and face reality… it took me time and it still pains.. but i moved on – you should too . My bf wanted to talk to me a few months ago – but i refused because i begged him to talk before -and he dint listen.
For you – just talk to this guy once – tell him u ve his baby – i know if hes bad he would cheat you later… but tell him how stranded you are and how his moment of pleasure would last with you as your baby –
Even if he does not return u will have peace that u did convey the message –
If he returns and stays hes for u –
if he doesnt he was never meant to be… and u have a lil life to save now – ur baby – protect ur baby and be a gud mom – tc B BRAVE.
I’ve been struggling a lot with defriending my ex on facebook. He constantly updates all the time – and for the first week or so I was so distraught I rarely went on facebook. Especially because Valentine’s Day was coming up and I couldn’t stand to see everyone else’s flowers. I called my friend yesterday hysteically crying on whether or not to defriend him. I’ve been looking at his page a lot lately – and I know its because I’m still carrying this shred of hope that things are going to change and also because I’m so scared of losing him in my life. I know that its just facebook and that if I really need him or need to reconnect I can email him. I’m just having such a hard time letting go. Several of my friends and my sister are also friends with him on Facebook. It seems so stupid to be stressing over this, but I feel really scared to do it. I’ve took down the albums of our vacation we took together and from his best friends wedding we went to. I feel like I am erasing him from my life – and I don’t want to lose this amazing person.
Oh dear, I do know exactly how you feel, I’m in the exact same boat as you right now. And my sister/friends are mutual friends with him, we each still have pics on FB of us from his best friend’s wedding / vacations together etc.
I keep looking at his profile page every few days like a stalker..I can’t stop myself, even when I see other women writing ambiguous messages on his wall that make me break out in cold sweats/heart palpitations and leave me sleepless for days, imagining all sorts of things he probably isn’t even getting up to.
But if I delete him I really think I’ll regret it/I don’t want him to think I want him out of my life longterm, because I definitely don’t. Funny how this social networking crap messes with people’s heads.
My plan to get through this awful, needy phrase right now is to pack my life with new experiences, keep as busy as possible, exercise like a demon and work on bettering myself. I think with time people develop the strength to let go. And if there’s any chance of reconciliation, it usually happens once you’re finally prepared to go and live your life without him.
Good luck 🙂
Unfortunately not yet, but somebody told me that there will be a FF addon soon.
BTW, I added you multiple times to the “whitelist” but somehow it doesn’t work, I still have to approve every of your comments, can you register a disqus-account? It’s really no big deal and will make things easier for you.
Thanks Eddie, Please let us know if a FF app comes out soon. I’m having a lot of trouble taking the plunge and defriending my ex – I guess cause I haven’t really let go completely or given up hope. I’ve blocked his feeds but he still comes up on my friend side bar and I’m fighting the urge to keep peeking at his profile (I must say its gotten worse over the weekend – I think cause this is usually when we would have spent the most time together). I’ve registered for an disqus account so hopefully it works.
It’s like an addiction, one more drink to an alcoholic.
You will stop once you’ve understood that it’s about you, who you really are as a person and that you don’t need him to find happiness.
Yes, there is a way. Check out this article.
I blocked the sister of my fat gorilla exes new gf. Hers was the only site I had found where I could sneak in and get nuggets of information. My ex is a real creep. He told me so many lies. This is the second time hehas knocked someone up without being married to them. His dtr is now 13 years old and he never married her mother. He cheated on his wife with an old girlfriend at his high school reunion. He cheated on his wife with me, on me with this other girl, and this other girl on me. I’ve fallen into the trap of trying to find fault with new gf’s pictures. SHe definitely has a big nose. I mean we are talking Halloween witch here. BUT, i’ve decided as of yesterday to block and KEEP BLOCKED (that’s the key for me) any sites related to them. My brain and heart are full of pain and I just cant risk knowing anything else. I dont want to know when the baby is born, what his name is, see a picture…I have to let them all go now.
Its really uplifting reading this article and reading the comments below, makes me realize I’m not the only one who does this. My ex and I broke up for almost two years now. He was my 1st love, 1st serious relationship(we were together for 4 years), he also my 1st bf and ultimately the 1st guy that broke my heart and made me go through so much pain. TIl now I check his facebook account on a daily basis, just so I can get a glimpse at what’s going on with his life w/o me. As it turns out, he’s doing quite fine and moving on with his life with his new gf. I don’t know why I check his facebook when I know it only hurts me. Ohh I blocked him countless of time, only to unblock him again and to go back to the same cycle of me getting hurt seeing him moving on and forgetting me. I know I have a problem, I guess I haven’t let go of him and I’m still living in the pass. No wonder why its taking me so long to get over him and the pain is still there as if we just broke up yesterday. Only thing that keeps me going and keeps me having hope that I will get pass this is my faith in God and the support of my family and friends.
Hi
I’m in same situation as u are, only difference is my GF dumped me. She was also my 1st love, 1st serious relationship. She dumped me last week and already in relationship with her new BF. I’m now doing the same mistake, i’m not friends with her but i keep on looking at her profile, i can’t help it. I found that she was already in relationship when i checked her profile and killed me, i was still crying this morning, did not sleep for two days. Now i’m trying not to look but i;m still looking at least it’s not 100 times in a day. It’s decreasing now and hopefully stop one day. This website helped me a lot. Thx
Ugh, I’m in the same mess. My bf and I were together for 6 years. I broke up with him a year and a half ago because during our last vacation he treated me very poorly and I suspected him of cheating on me. I thought that me breaking up with him would stir something in him to be nice to me and make up. It didn’t work.
I kept him on my FB for a few months after the breakup, even got on the FB messenger (which I never used before) just so I could see if he would get on there and talk to me. We were on there a couple of times at the same time but he didn’t talk to me. Finally, I gave up hope and deleted him from my page but I still continued to stalk his profile and check out all the girls he was adding to his page. I slowly began to stalk his page less and less, then a couple of months goes by and he sends me an email on FB telling me that he noticed I kicked him off FB, that he hoped I was doing well and that things were the same old same old with him. I never responded, but that brought me back to stalking him continually again.
Then a couple more months go by and he sends me a friends request. We got to talking again for a couple of weeks and he went on about how much he missed me and I thought he wanted to rekindled the relationship. Well, I did some investigation and found out, via another girls FB page, that he had been cheating on me! I confronted him about it and he was very cold, told me to drop it and that he had only kissed the girl. Then he immediately responds that he is sorry. I told him off and stopped speaking to him. Then a couple more weeks go by and X-Mas and New Years pass by and no word from him. I send him an email, ask him why he had not wished me a happy holiday. He writes back and says he will call me later, that we needed to talk about “us”. He calls and again is very cold. Finally after some small chat he tells me that he is seeing someone and it is very serious.
I was shocked, I felt like I had been hit by a freight train. He said that their relationship was not serious before because they didn’t see each that often, now they are seeing each other more and they are very close and that he had just spent the holidays with her. He told me that he could see himself falling in love with her and that he only contacted me because he was still “fond” of me and the sex together was always spectacular. I was devastated! He didn’t love me any longer and I still loved him and he is throwing another girl in my face.
I went into a tail spin after that, depression, suicidal thoughts, I started seeking therapy and my doc has put me on a dozen different meds and combos to alleviate my symptoms. Works a little bit, but I am still a mess 7 months after he tells me all this. Then I was desperate to find out who the girl was, so I cyber stalked him continually and found out info that destroyed me. He had started going to Norway on business trips with his job a few months before we went on our last vacation together. He met this girl through his job and she had been on his facebook page starting the year before that. So it made me wonder how long they had been chatting. I looked up everything that I could about her, she is perfect…she is highly educated, has a great family, high paying corporate executive job, travels the world, donates her time to charitable organizations. She’s perfect and I cannot compare. I ended up contacting her and told her everything, that didn’t work…it brought them closer together and right after that she started posting pics of him and her together on her FB page because she has moved closer to him and they have been taking flights on the weekends and holidays to see each other. He has already introduced her to his friends and family. I got on her Instagram page and saw so many pics of them together on holiday and vacations and they look so happy.
After I found all of that a couple of months ago I stopped stalking, but I think about it constantly and I see the pictures of them in my head. It has destroyed my life. I feel like I will never be the same, this has been my most devastating breakup, and I was married previously for 12 years and have 2 kids with my ex-husband and I was more than happy when we divorced. I feel like I will never get over this and never find happiness again. I have not dated, nor do I have desire to, for the past year and half while he is having the time of his life with his new gf.
OMG, I read your story from beginning to end. At the beginning I thought that you were something like 25-26 but the last part totally killed me. It’s been 4 months and I’m wondering how you are doing now. I’m really sorry to hear your story. Can’t say that I’ve been through the same “shit” although we all go through different kinds of shit and it doesn’t matter whether one situation seems worse than another. The only thing that matters is how you feel about it. And I can see that you have lived through so much pain and find it extremely hard to let go. How things are going with you? Do you feel any better? Have you found new hope in life?
I need to know that you are ok. I was involved for 6 years and engaged, previously married as well. i think now that he is probably a narcissist. We live in a small town and he dumped me on Mothers Day. He has moved on in under 3 months to his 3rd love who is currently spending the night in a house i created for him. I did my first and last drive by.
I read your story and I know this happened awhile ago. I pray you are doing better.I’m going through the exact same thing. I was wondering if you could please email me and help me through this.
Thanks
I went through the same thing or am still going through the exact same thing…still think of my ex even though we broke up 2 years ago. Its surprising because I also don’t miss my ex husband of 8 years lol but just miss my last boyfriend of 6 months who broke my heart and has also moved on and is living a happy life with his new gf on fb
I think sometimes the shorter leash trip, candy little harder, because we have still put our best foot forward and so have they sometimes. If I blocked him from my wall, I know I can still go to his, and that is what’s killing me. His wall is pretty open
Hi Jen,
I don’t know how old this post is or your comment. I’ve been looking up break up advice sites because my boyfriend and I of two years split and I couldn’t help noticing the similarity between your story and mine! The worst part is the pain of seeing your man with another woman. Puts all kinds of thoughts in your head. And god, I saw enough pictures of theirs to horrify me for a lifetime. They seemed so happy while I am still dealing with pain, jealousy, longing to be with him and sadness about it all.
I just hope we recover soon. For our sakes.
You’re welcome.
Hang in there!
Thank you Angelina for your detailed tips.
The problem is in fact when the Ex has no privacy settings at all. Then you have to go with method 2 and restrict access to their profile address.
Thanks for your comments.
Already done everything that you’re said on your post. But there’s one problem, how to block them on mobile devices? Especially for her twitter. cause every time I miss her, I always check her twitter, and then again I feel like a dead man when I see her so happy with him, it’s really killing me. It’s like I move backward for a few steps from this recovery process. So, since I found this site is really helping me from my condition, would you mind to give me another advise about “blocking” her page?Â
Thanks before, I really wait for your good advice 🙂
Jagger
Well there isn’t a way to block a twitter account that I know of. You’ ll have to use method 2 with the following addresses:twitter.com/hertwitternamewww.twitter.com/hertwitternameAs to blocking phone numbers, this is possible and very recommendable. Just contact your provider, they tell you how to do it.
I am so glad that I followed the NC rule. For the first couple of weeks I checked his FB, just to look at him. Then I saw how pointless it was and just blocked him, deleted his phone and all pictures of him/us. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made and I haven’t given in to the urge of unblocking him for about 9 months. However my new bf is currently out of town and….I gave into temptation. I unblocked him and took a quick peek at his profile. I see that he is with someone else, which does cause a twinge of jealousy but I am really happy for him and happy that his life if going so well. I can finally put these worries behind me that I’m not really over him. Instead of anger I just wish him ultimate happiness and success. I want to weep at the relief I feel from this!
However…my current bf is not too thrilled about it. He is upset that I felt the need to look at his profile, and that I would risk our relationship for the sake of a quick peek. I feel incredibly guilty and for this part I wish I hadn’t of unblocked him. I have been dreaming of my ex of late(nothing bad just got the feeling that he wants to have a friendship again) and I have been feeling guilt about that too thinking that maybe I’m not over him. So I wanted to just put it to rest, just finally look at him and see what I felt. Now I feel like I have jeporadized my current relationship and incredible guilt(I could tell he was hurt and a little upset). Not really expecting a response, just felt the need to vent.
hey, curious question, my ex broke my heart as we were engaged, i did what i could to get her back and basically came off as a complete joke, since than i decided to put the no contact rule into play , been going to the gym, takeing better care of myself and it has been a month and a half since we broke up, i deleted her from my friends list and never spoke to her again, i noticed that she actually blocked me, when it should be the other way around, i have been getting alot of positive comments about my new look from girls and all, and i feel great about it. Question is why block me when I already deleted you? and have not spoken nor contacted you since? …. my guess was she was looking to fish out a reaction from my end… what do you guys-girls think?
I had my ex blocked for a long while after we broke up. A couple of weeks ago I unblocked her and had a nose at whatever I could on her profile, for whatever reason I don’t really know. All I saw was a pic of her anyway.
About a week after, I search her up again to find that she had gone missing…she had blocked me.
To be honest, I was actually quite flattered by this. For whatever reason she decided to search me up, saw my pic, and blocked me.
I was flattered by the sheer fact her emotions for me whether good or bad were strong enough that she felt she had to block me.
She may have done it because she now hates me and doesn’t trust me, or she misses me and did it to not have the temptation to stalk my profile, or seeing my pic hurts her too much she had to block me.
I choose to believe the latter, and that makes me happy 🙂
Either way I found out I don’t really care and she can go **** herself now and have as many guys as she pleases to make up for her lack of self esteem and maturity.
Big fun 🙂
This made me smile 🙂 Great attitude. Great story. Thanks for sharing 🙂
Hi Amanda,
My ex replaced me within 2 days to a woman in the tiny village where I live. He owes me money and wont return my things … its so very very painful. I want the courage to block him on facebook – whats wrong with me… ??
temporarilly deactivate ur facebook, i just did this. I have a sense of control now, which feels great. my ex broke up with me yesterday and i found myself checking his profile every 10 mins. Cut off all contact for a while, all of it! cease to exist for at least 3 weeks. He’ll start wondering about you, then u can turn the tables. Remember NO CONTACT!
i’ve deleted her from Facebook about a few weeks ago. in the summer she told me no to my idea of a long distance relationship. it got tense, both of us on a high emotional state and defending ourselves, but we didn’t hate one another at the end, although I was now sure that I didn’t also want any relation and needed distance.´
i avoid contact but she continues to interacting through Facebook, tagging my photos, giving likes to my posts and so on. i remove her from my notifications and avoid any initiative on my part but she also texting me about what she is doing and how I am. not surprisingly i continue to look at her profile on FB but i decide that this state of affairs can’t continue anymore so i send her a real letter where i am completely honest about everything. she doesn’t give any reply (which i was expecting) but she stops contact, which was what I wanted. ´
then 2 months after the letter i post something on FB and she ‘likes’ it. i decide i had enough and simply delete her from my list of friends, without saying anything and delete all messages/pictures.
one the best decisions i’ve ever made.
Thank you Amanda.
I do not pray but you will be in my thoughts 🙂
You have to just muster up the courage and block them. DO IT!
I did not have the heart to block my ex on Facebook, I do hope to be her friend again… someday. However I want to wait until we are both ‘genuinely’ over each other. I did however decide to take a break from Facebook completely for 90 days. I know this may sound extreme but I created another Gmail account, gave it an insanely hard password that I would never remember, then changed it to be my Facebook email and changed my Facebook password to something insanely hard (Numbers, Symbols, and Letters that make no sense) Wrote them both down on a piece of paper and locked them up in a safe in my house.
I have decided that if after 90 days, I still cannot resist the temptation then I will defriend her permanently.
Getting off of Facebook, Deleting emails, phone numbers and texts, and of course NOT TALKING to her. Have really helped me, I am already starting to feel alot better about everything.
Thank you John, that really helped me!
I dont have my ex in my friendslist, he wasnt on facebook before we broke up. he IS on facebook since we broke up and set everything to public. I blocked him and did the same thing – changed my password to something i would never remember – wrote it on a lil paper and locked it up! and deactivating my profile didnt do the trick, i cant trust myself with not stalking… its simply too easy -.-
great idea!!