Anyone who has been through a tough breakup, and finally come to the realization that the only way to heal is by following the no-contact rule, have eventually come to a point where they feel trapped.
The missing, the need to see, talk, and feel your Ex again can seem so unbearable. How easy would it be to get a glimpse of the “real thing” – a peek into their actual life – by searching through their pages in Facebook, Myspace and all those social gathering places?
A new photo of him/her, what s/he has done during the weekend, if s/he still misses you – all of that seems just one click away.
But would it make you feel better?
Not for a minute, I guarantee you that.
I've done it myself many years ago.
I couldn't bear it anymore. All I wanted to see was an actual picture of her, how she looked like at that time, nothing more.
I was just curious.
But we all know that curiosity killed the cat.
I did some intense searching, (there wasn't Facebook or Myspace back then), and I finally found a little more than I had bargained for.
I found a picture of her and her new guy.
Now this is something that can destroy you in the beginning. I found myself thrown right back to the bottom of my recovery journey, with all its symptoms: panic attacks, deep despair and depression.
I took me 2 weeks to get out of that. And for what? For a short glimpse into her life?
The price was much too high.
Never ever do something like that. It's really NOT worth it. There is absolutely nothing you can gain. Nothing, believe me.
Now, IF you have decided to follow the no-contact rule, here are two things I really recommend you to do. It’s for your own sake.
1. Block Your Ex In Facebook
Facebook gives you very good help with the topic of blocking unwanted people.
Basically, everything you need to do is:
- go to your Ex's profile page
- navigate to the bottom of the page
- click on “Report/Block this person” link
- check “Block this person” and then hit “Submit.”
That's it. Your Ex will not be able to look into your pages and most importantly, YOU will not be able to follow your Ex's updates.
Your Ex will not be notified that you blocked her/him, but if s/he found out and contacted you regarding this, don't feel guilty. You are doing this because you've decided that you want to take your life and happiness into your own hands. You are doing this because YOU are the most important person in your life right now.
One important thing to know is that your Ex can still appear in mutual friends updates, so I recommend that you block them as well. You can still “unblock” them later when you feel better.
2. Restrict Access To Facebook
There is a computer-geek-way to block certain pages completely from access on your own computer. It's not difficult to do and I really recommend it for no-contact.
By doing this, you will not be able to visit Facebook or the pages where you can find current information on your Ex.
It's a little radical, but it's better to not trust yourself.
Here's how you do it:
- Find the hosts-file on your computer
- Append the following code and the bottom of the hosts-file:
The hosts-file is located at (depending on your operating system):
Windows XP, Vista and Windows 7
# Block Facebook
You can follow the excellent step-by-step instruction explained here.
For the Mac it’s the exact thing, except that the location of the hosts-file is a little more complicated.
Here’s a good instruction for Macs.
You can add all the URLs you want, like Facebook, their Twitter page, etc.
If you are not a computer-geek, ask a friend to do it for you. This is in any case the preferable way, because then it is harder for you to reverse the process.
I urge you to make these changes as soon as possible, because I know it's a sore temptation to check on your Ex. You will gain nothing by doing so, it will NOT ease your pain or help you to stop missing them. This is an illusion. It will only bring you suffering.
I promise you that you will win so much if you stick to the no-contact rule. You will gain independence, strength and the certainty that YOU can make your own happiness.
Isn't that worth enough to kiss Facebook goodbye for a few months?
Do you know a better method for keeping yourself from computer-stalking your Ex? Have I missed something? Please share in the comment-section below.