“Pain by itself is merely pain, but the experience of pain coupled with an understanding that the pain serves a worthy purpose is suffering. Suffering can be endured because there is a reason for it that is worth the effort. What is more worthy of your pain than the evolution of your soul?”
— Gary Zukav (from “Seat Of The Soul”)
I don’t think I have to explain to you the intensity of the emotional pain a break-up or divorce causes. We know it… you and me both.
It is excruciating because it can torture you over a long period of time.
Now, some scientific researchers went out to prove that this kind of pain is actually perceived by the brain the same way “real” pain is felt when caused by an injury.
The actual research was done with 40 voluntary participants being asked to recall the very moment of their recent break-ups while receiving MRI scans.
The interesting finding was that both kinds of pain activated the same areas of the brain, so they had to be similar in how it was experienced.
What that actually means, is that when you feel pain after a break-up, that it really IS pain.
This realization will maybe help us to approach this kind of pain in the same way we would approach every other physical pain – by knowing that it has an end, and that it’s only a warning sign for something that is wrong with our bodies or our immediate surrounding.
That we need to accept it, attend it and then eventually learn to ignore it… even if hurts like hell.
I remember back that I would have done anything for this excruciating pain to stop – and I didn’t care about how at all. I thought getting her back would bring me some relief, but luckily I realized that this was a dead end. So, I tried my best to kill it with the conventional ways I’ve known – I tried alcohol, painkillers, warm baths, even acupuncture.
Nothing worked, and most of it backfired terribly, (I hit rock-bottom after coming home drunk one day), so you shouldn’t do any of it.
It didn’t take long for me to realize that the whole thing wasn’t about the pain and getting rid of it. It was about going THROUGH the pain, accepting it and even embracing it.
The pain wasn’t really the problem. The real problem was my underlying false belief that I cannot make it alone. That I cease to exist without her.
I made her the very center of my life, and without her in the middle, everything was falling apart.
So changing THIS false belief was one of the milestones for my recovery. And the pain was just a physical manifestation of this inner conflict this false belief was causing.
Two things worked well for me in reducing this kind of pain, making it bearable and at the same time addressing my inner beliefs:
An ancient breathing technique, (I talk about this in my free newsletter), and positive affirmations like, “I can handle anything the universe sends my way, it never gives us more than we can bear” repeated continuously throughout the day.
Scientific research has proven that emotional pain is like real pain, which is why it will help you in your recovery to treat it as such.
Read the full scientific article written by author and chemist Robert Rister here.
What do YOU think?