When I first read this email from our dear reader Mike, I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry. The email was funny and very original but I immediately sensed the excruciating pain that was behind it. Someone who knew what he was talking about obviously wrote it.

I replied back if he would like to share his story and he did. I will post it below with his permission, I hope it will inspire you as it did me.

Here it is:

The Break-Up Diet Recipe

You want to lose weight? This diet guarantees to suppress your appetite.

Mike’s Story

After more than five years my relationship was over.

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When we are no longer able to change a situation – we are challenged to change ourselves. – Viktor E. Frankl

Many years ago, I was on the road to meet a friend who lived in a town quite far away. This happened approximately a year and a half after my life-changing break-up.

I was OK back then. I was essentially over my Ex. I had accepted the fact that it was over and I knew we wouldn’t get back together again. I was already in another relationship, and yes she came to my mind now and then, but I was able to handle it.

Again, I was OK.

Or so I thought.

What happened on that long lonesome trip threw me off my path so completely that I would never have believed it was possible.

But on the other hand, it was a blessing because it was the last step I had to take to completely get over her and finally let go of her.

What happened?

It all started with a song.

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This is another guest-article by our dear friend and reader Darren Fletcher. As an experienced music expert Darren spared no time and effort to create the ultimate break-up recovery music playlist for you.

“Ok, so I LOVE the song”.

So a letter from a friend started after sending her a sample from my current playlist. I was trying to encourage her to get back into listening to music after a breakup, as she put it; “I stayed away from it for a long time due to past experiences.”

Her terrible breakup had played a big role in the negative emotions she was experiencing because she related much of what she heard with the unfortunate situation she now felt inside.

“But new music is new territory, isn’t it?” she finished. And to all the readers and alumni that belong to lovesagame.com, this is my full intention.

As we progress through our recoveries at different levels it is wonderful to discover new music after a breakup that inspires us, music we identify with now and moving forward. Timeless and current classics that deliver a message that is undeniable. What is more, songs can be affirmations you sing to remind you of what is good in our lives.

For those recovering from a painful breakup there is real value and benefit to listening to this playlist.

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A typical mistake people often make after their break-up is to start dating too soon.

The unpleasant reality unfortunately is that if you start dating too soon after your break-up, especially when you decide to try something like online dating, you most probably will crash and burn.

Why is that so?

Let me explain.

After a break-up there is a huge void. A void that needs to be filled.

You may have accepted that you can’t get your Ex back, you’ve even managed to get through the 60 days of No-Contact, but you crave for that special “feeling”. The feeling of security and intimacy.

So you go out in desperate search for what you once had. The problem however is in order to find Mr or Ms Right you have to be in peace with yourself and more or less over your Ex. Because if you are NOT you will compare each potential partner with your Ex and undermine every chance you had for finding that perfect partner you are looking for.

So how soon is too soon?

Six months? A year?

Actually I talk about that in great detail in my free newsletter, but the bottom line is: if your Ex is still dominating your mind and they still have power over you one way or another then it is too early.

Period.

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When you start the arduous journey to break-up recovery there is one thing that most people have in common: the destructive feeling of being alone and helpless.

What helps us endure those challenges of life is the knowledge that there are others before you who went the same path and their acquired wisdom: a breakup success story.

Allowing the possibility that you WILL make it and come out of this experience renewed will give you strength and boost your confidence. It even may give you the initial push to finally start your recovery.

The only problem is that those who moved on usually don’t look back, be it to avoid pain or just because they simply don’t want to look back.

But – as you know – luckily there are exceptions. Those who understand that looking back is also part of the healing process, it’s where we connect the dots together in order to make the last step into independence.

Our dear reader Ronin decided to come back and share his own experiences with his break-up.

This is his story.

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This is the first guest article of hopefully more to come by our dear reader and contributer Aaron Brook (4Get).

Do you feel defeated by your break-up?

It is a loaded phrase to say you have been defeated because the notion is a powerful concept as you strive to heal from what was inevitably a very difficult time in your life. Things that defeat you seem to jeopardize your whole life’s framework whilst eroding the sum of your emotional security to the barest and frailest of cores. It is defeat that drives you to the point where you cannot help but feel like a loser. But, if just for the next few minutes as you read, I would like to discuss defeat as objectively as any of us here can.

Much like my own healing journey here, chances are that you too at some point have felt the slings and sorrows of defeat. Time and time again I used to tell myself that I just was not good enough. I imagine the lies I told myself will sound familiar to those of you feeling defeated. My ex-partner was a winner, she was the victory party, and she came away unscathed in my eyes. I thought it was helping to feel this way, but all that blame and defeat served to do was to continue to saturate me in guilt, suffering, and total anguish.

So what is it that we are calling defeat exactly? Were we really even defeated?

Let’s take a good look at what is really going on here.

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This is a another guest article from our dear reader and contributer Darren Fletcher.

“Brett says it’s too easy. He wants it harder!” Dawn shouts over the thumping music track while we do the last few of a hundred squats for this track.

The energy and music in class is contagious. Dawn leads the group with warmth, enthusiasm and drive. My legs are burning and swollen and Dawn glares at me smiling.

“How are we doing on this side of the room?” A few whistles and woot’s ring out as our legs shake from fatigue. Actually the last thing on my mind right now is a painful break up. The endorphins are kicking in, my head is clearing and the workout has just started….

Can you picture yourself there?

Are you still recovering from a recent breakup that smarts sharply? Ever find yourself so emotionally ragged and dealing with so many thoughts racing through your head it is difficult to catalogue them all?

You now remember you promised your friend you would join them at the gym for group fitness class. Being in a room full of strangers is the last thing you feel like now. Your Tuesday feels like a Monday all over again and you can’t get you ex out of your mind.

What will you decide?

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