Getting Over A Break Up – The Final Chapter

Getting Over A Break Up - The Final Chapter

In my work with people who go through a break-up or divorce, there is one question which is almost always asked first.

How long will it take to get over it? Or how long will the pain last?

Even I asked this question many years ago.

I waited one and a half years for that answer to come.

It wasn’t until then that I realized what the final chapter in getting over a break up was.

I know how it feels.

Sometimes it seems so unbearable that you cannot imagine your life ever to be happy again.

I will tell you something that you already feel is true inside of you, but your analytic mind doesn’t allow you to acknowledge:

You will be happy again.

And if you take this challenge, you will be much stronger than you were before.

I’ve been there.

You must look at this terrible experience as an opportunity, only then will you have the right mindset to grow from it.

I know that it is tough to get into that state, and it may take you some time. But when you understand, the healing will begin.

Unfortunately, many do not look at this the way I do.

They try to get their Exes back or jump into another relationship right away.

They would do anything to stop the pain. Isn’t this understandable?

Don’t try to get your Ex back

Sure, this may help for some time, but eventually, everything will fall apart again with much harder intensity.

Because the problem is buried deep inside, and it will not go away if you mask it or ignore it.

Why do many people betray themselves from the chance to learn and grow from this devastating experience?

The answer is, of course, because it costs them too much.

It’s too expensive, too damn hard and it is just too alluring to take the easy way.

Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing, end them.
—Shakespeare’s Hamlet

So, what is the final chapter of getting over a breakup?

When you heal from a relationship break up, you have to go through the following seven phases:

  1. Shock: Realizing what really happened
  2. Denial: You won’t accept the breakup
  3. Madness: You try everything to get things back to “normal”
  4. Emotional Roller Coaster: You have to face the pain and all the negative emotions
  5. Acceptance: You accept that your partner is gone, and he/she won’t come back
  6. Conscious Disengagement: You consciously let them go
  7. Moving On Phase: You move on and open up to other people

Everyone has to go through these steps.

The two secrets on how to get over a break up give only some additional help.

There is no healing without going through these steps.

The last chapter of the healing process, therefore, appears to be to prepare and actually step into a new relationship.

But if you want to do this the right way, there is yet another step before that.

One of the greatest problems you must deal with before you can really open up to other relationships is your attitude towards your Ex.

It happens very often that you idealize your Ex, remembering only the positive aspects of your former relationship, while completely dismissing the negative ones.

You have put your Ex on a pedestal

This can cause a whole lot of damage in your upcoming new life.

What you have to do is to kick your Ex from that pedestal.

To do so, you have to face him/her again.

I know this is a big one, but it is very necessary.

This is the only way to set the image right again, and only when you pass this last test, will you know that you are over him/her.

This is the last chapter in getting over a breakup.

(MORE: How I Finally Let Go Of My Ex – The Last Step)

I am well aware that this is difficult, and to a certain degree, a risk.

If you do this too early, for instance in phase 2, this may throw you even deeper into depression.

The final test

Take this as the final test to see if you are ready to move on.

How long will it take for you to reach this level?

It depends on your ability to accept and let go.

I’ve seen it happen after six months, then again it may take up to three years.

The deepness of your relationship is also a decisive factor.

But please, don’t look at this in terms of time.

It takes as long as it takes for you to heal into a new person. It’s a path you consciously have to choose.

I’m here to help you along this path.

All the best,
Eddie Corbano

  • 7 years with this woman. With ups and downs. But with the greatest and deepest sex, tenderness, closeness I ever experienced. It had faded a bit. I desired her less. She missed it. She left me for another guy. It’s been 8 months now, i am still in hell, crying all the time, depressed, void, shattered. All I do is think about her. All the time. It never leaves me. Crushing despair day after day. Suicidal ideas frequent. No taste for anything. Managed to keep some money coming in (work at home) but can hardly leave my place. Never was an out-goer.Terrible loneliness. Infinite pain. Feeling too old (50) to think I can ever be even moderately happy again. Feel life has crushed me for good. So wish every night I will not wake up to another day of dry, unsecure, hurtful, miserable thoughts. I so hate life.

  • Today is a month since my fiancé and I broke up after 9 years. I have all sorts of emotions and feelings running through my mind. We have always had chemistry and a connection since day one… It’s always been easy and now….

    I was so excited to becoming his wife, organising a date, venue, honeymoon and renovation our home. Now cancelled! However he never seemed over the moon. We never had an engagement, lost of arguing about that,then didnt want to renovate and then parents got involved! It seemed as though our life plan, values and what we wanted became so different. Then why did he propose?

    I hadn’t seen him in person for 8wks but spoke pretty much everyday, cause he didnt want to go for coffee, dinners or drives and not allowed at mine. Hate talking I the car! However said he’ll see me if I go to his. I don’t like ultimatums and game playing! However he finally wanted to see me to sort things out a week before a family function. The conversation was negative and I felt used just to go!! I didn’t go….and he broke it off and cause of everything.

    I honestly am in love him and want him in my life but at the same time he has hurt me . I don’t put all the blame on him cause I’ve made mistakes but after 9 years I dont know how easy it was for us to end. I am normally the one who contacts him after fights cause I hate playing immature games. Since the break up we have made no contact and it’s killing me. I ask myself questions and over analyse…. Does he miss me? Does he love me? Has he moved on? Will he fight for me?
    Maybe after all these years we were holding onto something that was not there. I’m being strong but at times I will cry myself to sleep. We had our future and kids planned and now it’s gone! Will he come back an fight for me? Who knows! 😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔😔

  • Hi ya, 25 and male, struggling to get a grip at the moment. Broke away from a 6 year relationship over a year n a half now, i felt deprived of my confidence when i realised what id done. Id thrown my hole future away. At least that’s how it felt. Ibroke up with a girl id seen for 10 months 4 months ago now. Im still finding it really hard. I wasn’t over my ex and still felt so much guilt. I do take medication to help with my doubts but i cant seem to move on from my previous ex even though i was just never going to work! She on really quick with an old ex boyfriend and is beyond happy. Almost to much which is strange but why cant i accept this and just let her go. We don’t talk and have had no contact for months

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