A typical mistake people often make after their break-up is to start dating too soon.
The unpleasant reality, unfortunately, is that if you start dating too soon after your break-up, especially when you decide to try something like online dating, you most probably will crash and burn.
Why is that so?
Let me explain.
After a break-up there is a huge void. A void that needs to be filled.
You may have accepted that you can't get your Ex back, you've even managed to get through the 60 days of No-Contact, but you crave for that particular “feeling”.
The feeling of security and intimacy.
So you go out in aÂ desperate search for what you once had.
The problem, however, is to find Mr or Ms. Right you have to be at peace with yourself and more or less over your Ex.
Because if you are NOT, you will compare each potential partner with your Ex and undermine every chance you had of finding that perfect partner you are looking for.
So how soon is too soon?
Six months? A year?
Actually, I talk about that in great detail Invalid shortcode attributes, but the bottom line is: if your Ex is still dominating your mind and they still have power over you one way or another then it is too early.
Another factor that especially applies if you have been out of the dating game for far too long is dating inexperience. You will have lots of unpleasant experiences if you start (online) dating after years of absence from the dating game.
A good idea for post break-up dating is to follow 3 simple rules:
- have fun
- don't have a new relationship in mind
Whatever you do, don't go against your instincts and don't date because you think it will help you getting over your Ex faster.
Because it won't. You can take my word for it.
Here is a success story from our dear reader Lyndsey, who wanted to share her experiences with online dating.
Breakup Success Story from our reader Lyndsey
Will I Ever Love Again? By Lyndsey Sahasranam
After I ended my marriage, I so desperately wanted to be accepted and loved again. I was missing the intimacy and love, and I craved it so much. I went out and put myself out on display, hoping others would find me and want me.
I searched the ocean of online dating sites to see the plenty of fish available.
Finding men was easy! I had 80 messages the first day. 40 were married men who wanted nothing but sex. 20 were young boys looking for an interesting, intimate experience with an older, more experienced woman. But of the last 20, only a few peaked my interest enough to hold a conversation.
It felt nice at first. I heard compliments like, “you have such a beautiful smile” or “how am I so lucky to have met you.”
Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that there are some mean men out there.
Some men are preying on the vulnerable women. They are waiting, like sharks, to attack fish who may still be injured or sick. They manipulate and lie and cheat their way into the hearts of the women, only to cause more pain in the end.
And then there are other men who are nice and kind but who are going through the same emotional transitions and grief as me and who are not ready to fall back into a relationship quickly after being hurt before.
The love and intimacy felt good but the pain and loss of them dropping me again was intense. It hurt. I felt rejected. I could feel my self-esteem being chipped away until I had nothing left to give.
Some men told me that I was too intense. I was trying too hard. And they were right.
So what I learned was this (and I still need to listen to this advice myself.):
Sometimes you need to put your fishing rod down and go and enjoy your life. You need to hang out friends and family, who love you for who you are. You can start to live again and fill your days and nights with all the things you love to do. You can live in the moment and start to appreciate what you already have. You can start to love yourself and build the confidence you need to be able to go fishing again.
The next time I go fishing I am going to remember that I have a choice. I can throw the fish back in the ocean. Or better still, I am hoping I never have to fish again. Perhaps the right man is out there, and he might find me while I am doing the things I love, with the people I love. I think I will know when I am ready and when it feels right to love again.
Thank you, Lyndsey, for sharing your experiences.
And yes, I strongly believe that the right man for you IS out there, waiting. I'm certain that you will meet each other when the time is right.
The same applies to all of those who are suffering from a break-up right now: “Mr/s Right” is out there and you will meet the day you're ready.
I know that I did… and I'm happier than ever.
P.S.: Have you had some post break-up experiences? Please share in the comment-section below.