@Kaleen -
Thank you so much for your kind words kaleen, iam sure your break up is no picnic either. What Iam having trouble with is the that I thought we were happy and that our love was strong enough to get through anything because we constanly told eachother that. He told me one time that he loved me so much he could walk in on me cheating on him and still forgive me! So I dont understand how it went from that to I cant marry you. Maybe its not for me to understand. And my little voice is all screwed up it wont say anything anymore, its like my instinct is gone at first I felt it was the end, now its like not even there i cant hear it anymore. But anyway I guess you have a point Iam still a little young! thanks Ill keep on moving!!

Hi girls,

I am going through a very hard time in my life right now. My boyfriend of 6 years has broken up with me a little less than a month ago and I was completely devastated. He told me that he didn’t want to be with me. I asked him why, and he would tell me that it was because of the fights. I agree with him, we are constantly fighting. It was mainly my fault because I’m very insecure and have no self-confidence. This gotten worst when he moved away. We remained a couple, but he couldn’t handle the stress of our relationship whenever we fight because he’s really busy with school. He would go out with his friends and go drinking and go to lounges. I got really jealous and constantly call him and ask him what he did and stuff. He never gave me a reason to doubt him or to even make me think that he would cheat on me. But me being insecure made me think otherwise. I’ve known this but it was really hard for me to change while I was in the relationship. He helped me go through this but it was hard for me to do. During our relationship we always talk about going on a break or breaking up but we never really did it until now. I’m so depressed. I keep calling him and asking him to take me back. He told me that he can’t do it anymore and that he can’t handle the stress. I told him that I’ve changed because the fact that we broke up made me realize what I was throwing away. He didn’t believe me. He told me that we are both so young and that we should live our lives. I can’t go on without him. I talked to his room mate who is also my friend and he said that he didn’t even realize that we broken up because my ex boyfriend seem normal, like nothing has happened. I feel so hurt because my ex doesn’t even feel anything, as if this relationship does not mean to him. He’s not crying or dwelling like me. He’s happy, it seems like this break up didn’t have an effect on him. Did he actually love me? He said that he does still when I saw him the other day and that he cares about me a lot. I believe him when he says this because throughout the 6 years we were together, he treated me like a princess and I know in my heart that he does. I know that he has his flaws that I didn’t like and probably why we fought but I overlooked those because I love him so much. He was my first love. I don’t understand why he’s acting the way he is after a break up. I also heard that he’s being flirting with other girls. This is so painful. Every time I imagine him with other girls, I get so worked up and that’s when I break down. I don’t know what to think. I feel like our relationship meant nothing to him because of the way he’s handling it. Please help me. Please advice. Thanks. I really need someone to help me go through this. He’s my first love and my first boyfriend. I just don’t know what to do.

Hi Leah,

I know the feeling of being hurt. I believe that first love never dies but as you go along the way of letting go one day you will tell to yourself it’s only the memories remain but not the feeling anymore. Initially you might get hurt but if u will accept the fact that he’s not yours anymore time will come all wounds will heal. All you have to do is think what are those things that is important to you. Write in one paper the positve and negative things he have to keep him in your life maybe it will help. The final decision is always in your hand. Try to accept the things and be brave enough to fight for it. All this things and changes in your life will changed if you want to change it then do it. Open your eyes and heart to see whats beyond of it. I hope you can pick up again the pieces of the broken heart to make it a whole. Take care. It will heal at the right time.

@Amy - Thank you so much Amy for the advice.

Recently, I found out that during our relationship, he has been confiding to this girl about our problems, when all along he told me that he just keeps to himself. They have been hanging out and stuff and the whole time. When I found this out, I felt so betrayed because he lied to me. He’s a lies all the time. So, right after the breakup, he started sleeping with the girl that he confides to. I feel so betrayed and hurt and disrespectful because how can he just move on so fast. It hasn’t been a month since we broke up and he’s doing that. How can he do that? He’s such a jerk. Also, I found that 3 months ago, she broke up with her boyfriend. So now I feel like they broke up their previous relationship just to be together. He emotionally cheated on me. Do you think he did? (please advice) I don’t understand how he can do that to me. How can he just turn off his feelings when he tells me that he still loves me? I don’t want to be with him anymore, I’m done with him but the feeling of betrayal and knowing that he has no respect for the relationship we had really hurts. I’m so angry and full of hatred towards him. How can he treat me like this? What hurts more is that I don’t think he realizes that what he’s doing is hurting me and that i feel like he doesn’t realizes that he’s wrong and his actions are wrong, which makes me more angry and upset and hate him even more. I’m not sad that we broke up because I’m done with him, I don’t want to be with a liar and an insensitive guy, but I’m feeling this way because of the betrayal and the fact that our relationship meant nothing to him. How can he just throw 6 years away just like that? please advice. I’m so confused because I feel like he didn’t/never loved and cared about me at all. PLEASE HELP.

@Leah - hey gurl….remember us female tend to blame r self for everything when its come to relationship..I went threw the samething that you went threw but in my case I have a child with him…Everyday I ask my self why i waste my 6 years with a lier who never cared for me yet alone his own child…Its hard to move on you just have to prove to ur self he wasnt man enough to deal a lovely lady like you…the best thing to you right now is to party and go out with ur girlfriends and just keep ur mine busy….also i am ready this book I dont kno if you heard about it but let me tell you I look at him soooo diffrent that it make me laugh that this other gurl think that there boy friends isnt going to do the samething as they did to us 10 time worse then what they did to us…. the book is call Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey that book is a 2 dum up….your going to think diffrently…good luck take care wish you the best hope to hear from you

My first love/boyfriend only survived for a month, and before that we were best friends. Very very close friends. I started liking him about a month before he asked me out, and when he did it was probably the best day of my life.

For two weeks the relationship was perfect. He was so sweet and amazing and I really fell in love with everything about him. I’m an artist, so I drew pictures, 3 of the two of us, one of him because he asked for one. I knew a lot of love quotes, and I sent them to him, just to show my love. I felt obsessive, and I knew I was, but it was hard to control for a bit. I knew that if he just held on longer, I would stop and everything would be okay. I even told him that I felt obsessive, and he said that he was okay with it.

I don’t think he knew I was serious.

About a week ago, he broke up with me, saying he liked me better as a friend. I knew something was wrong, because I FELT the lie. Yesterday, my friend told me the real reason why he broke up with me, and it was because everything, the pictures, the quotes, and even the texts (which was only me talking to him a little more) was getting on his nerves and he was getting annoyed.

I saw his side, and I didn’t mind at all for his reason to break up with me. I found it fairly reasonable and I understood.

But then I really began to feel hurt. Why couldn’t he had trusted me enough to tell me the real reason why he broke up with me. We were still friends after all. He found out that she told me, and he was really sorry for it.

Quote- “I’m sorry, I couldn’t bring myself to say it. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Boys can be dumb sometimes. I was so much more hurt that he couldn’t tell me the truth than what the truth really was. My friend told me to let him go, and take it as an experience.

I already did let him go, I didn’t mind at all, and I know that this is an experience. She told me “Time heals, trust me, I’ve been there.”

I replied “I know.”

What I didn’t understand was, after we broke up before I knew the real reason, it was hard for me to talk to him in real life. (We usually IM or text). I did my best to start conversations, and he was getting annoyed at me for talking to him too much, and I was just so confused.

Why is he annoyed at me when hes the one thats hurting me.

That I still dont know, but it’s a touchy subject to deal with for him, because he is a bit stubborn. But i definitely saw his side and didn’t blame him at all for what he’s done and why he broke up with me.

All I need right now is a little support, and a little advice as to how I should let him go. I did say earlier I already did, but I haven’t exactly.

Our friendship’s a bit awkward now, and I wish I could turn back time and never dated him. But I did, and I can’t turn back time, and now I need to wait for time to pass. What can I do to make this less awkward? I know he hates talking about it, but it was one-sided. I really loved him a lot, and for a while I felt he didn’t love me the same back. He couldn’t take my affection, and politely gave it back…

So down to the point.

I just need a little advice as to what I should do to rebuild our friendship to make it the way it was. He’s been really supportive and he has been helping me…

….on IM.

He ignores me in real life and doesn’t talk to me much. I was told to not talk to him unless he talked to me, because that meant he wanted to.
She said- “He needs time. You need time. Time heals, you’re going to the same camp in the summer, you’ll see each other. I’m sure after a month or two, you two will be amazing friends again.

And if you aren’t, then he was never the amazing friend you thought he was. Move on, dearie. There plenty of boys out there that will gladly take your affection.”

I was really happy for her support, but I know because of this experience it’ll take a while for me to ever be so affectionate of a boy again.

It’s probably a very common situation…but it’s really hurting me. Why couldn’t he tell me? Why didn’t he trust me enough? Why did I have to find out through a friend?

Can we still be friends?

Will time heal? Or will it pass by without bothering to help?

Please, it’s my first experience, I’m young and I need some support and advice. Thanks for reading all of this if you did.

Leah, I think everything you said happens to everybody that loses their first love.
I dont think he got over you straight away, even if he did start sleeping with this other girl. I think he still loved you but was getting over you. And she was just there. It happened to me and my ex told me that he when he started seeing the other girl he wasn’t over me, we just couldnt make it work together anymore.

Time is such a healer.
Things will get better.
Just remember it happens to everyone.

@Leah -To be honest with you. I really just think that you should move on and find someone new. I know how you felt, the same thing just happened to me only we were together for a month but we never fought. I honestly really loved him and thought he felt the same. If your ex- doesn’t feel the same about you, then it’s his loss on a great person. If he really loved you, maybe he’ll come around and realize it. Just continue on and see if you can find someone new Hopefully i helped, but just do what you think feels right.

@Leah - i just went through something that sounds freakishly similar. only two years less time than your six, but i loved him so much, and he felt like all we did was fight and i was to jelous of every girl. i know how it feels to think its your fault.. it makes it hurt even more. dont jump into something new im trying to figure it all out myself. but i can promise you it will get better soon your heart will mend itself and your regain all the peices you feel like he left with. be strong. show him that as much as youlove him , you dont neeed him. im sure he was fortunate to even have you in the first place, so please although its hard breathe, every breath every day will bring you closer to being happier. i promise you. your not the first person with these feelings at allll and you will unfortunalty not be the last. hope your feeling better , best of luck

Hi Ladies, I had been hurt by my first love too before, we were good friends and when she got pregnant by this married guy she was seeing and left her, I tried to help her as a friend, and eventually we became more. I took on the role as father from the get go, helping her through pregnancy and delivery and accepting her daughter as my own…. to make it short… after 4 yrs she cheated on my and eventually left me , with nothing…the little girl i took as my own was suddenly taken away….the 2-3 yrs after that breakup was the most hurt and depressed Ive ever been , i ofter thought of bad things to do to myself and i drank a lot and treated women like crap…eventually my drinking got me in a bad car accident and after all that, she never did visit me in the hospital. it took that horrible ordeal to get my head straight to see that life does go on… it seems impossible at the moment, but time will take care of everything, im now married and have 2 amazing kids and when i think back…im almost embarassed to think of how i acted…..i guess what im trying to say is … the only thing we know about life…is that it goes on..and we must always love ourselves first…cuz if we dont love ourselves..how can we expect anyone to love us?… I went from depressed drunk to married with my first child in a span of 3 yrs….time will heal the pain, trust in love…it does exist….take care and god bless to all.