“What about love?”
“Overrated. Biochemically no different than eating large quantities of chocolate.”
—Al Pacino (The Devil’s Advocate)
Have you ever dreamed of the perfect partner, the ultimate romantic love in the perfect relationship? A partner who is your missing part, the one that fulfills you and makes you complete? Who’s been waiting their whole life just to meet you, and by your bond, a door in heaven opens for you?
Welcome to the club. You are not alone.
Please read the following email from a dear reader:
Throughout my break-up there’s a concept that’s really been holding me back, “the one”. I’ve always believed it but after this break-up I’ve come to question it. I was so sure my ex was the one, and I was so sure he would never hurt me like this.
If I ever find love again, how will I know if that person really is the one? I had no doubt in my mind that he was the one, in fact part of me still believes it, but how can I ever be sure of anything in a relationship if I was so certain last time and so wrong?
I too suffered from the same disease: believing in an unrealistic picture of “Love”.
The Concept Of “The One”
Since I was little, I believed in the concept of finding “the one”.
I knew exactly how this whole thing was going to play out: I would accidentally run into a beautiful and charming girl one fine day, (or maybe she would knock at my front door), look into her face and realize immediately that we were meant for each other. She would be “the one”. The following life together would be one of fulfillment and eternal love.
Heaven on earth in the arms of a woman.
Please take a look at the following little story from the ancient Greek about the origins of true love which I read long time ago:
The Origin of Love
There was Aristophanes’ Androgyny, Plato’s anecdote on the origins of love and mankind. The story recounts the primordial androgyny, mythical creatures with four arms, four legs and two heads. They epitomized completeness and were able to do almost anything. However, their pride in their abilities angered the gods and caused Zeus to cut them. Separated in two, they were destined to drift alone, empty and incomplete, longing for their former halves. For Plato, the androgyny is the symbol of wholeness, and the pursuit of it, is what love is.
Isn’t this beautiful? This story always fascinated me.
The problem here was that I took the whole thing too much to heart. I was looking for my missing half.
Did it worked out that way for me? Do I still believe in it, and does it have to be a bad thing doing so?
I will tell you in a minute.
First, I have a question for you: what do YOU think is the definition of true love, and is there such thing as “the one”?
Not so easy to answer, is it?
There is a scientific categorization from a renowned sociologist about the six types of love.
According to John Lee, there are six different types we can distinguish.
Six Types Of Love
1. The sexual love called “Eros”
The focus here is a sexual one where looks are more important than anything else. It is based on aesthetic enjoyment.
2. The love of the players called “Ludis”
These people tend to change partners frequently and are never attached to anyone. They like the game and the conquest.
3. The companionate love, the “Storge”
The warm and affectionate love you feel for a sibling or a best friend.
4. The obsessive love, the “Mania”
It’s an extreme form of love where the lover possesses the other completely and wants their partner’s attention constantly. This is usually driven by low self-esteem.
5. The love called “Pragma”
This type of love is realistic, the lovers are looking for a match referring to personality and values.
6. The altruistic love, the “Agape”
Unselfish as it is, it accepts people as who they are and does not try to change them without asking anything in return.
By looking at the list, you can easily assign what types of love you have felt in the past. Let me take a wild guess: Was it one of the first four?