I remember exactly how it felt.
I remember this unbearable notion of finality, this cruel feeling of irrevocableness.
Sometimes it takes a while until we get it, but when we do, the realization hits us like a ton of bricks. Our partners are gone and they are not coming back.
What we once had is now over.
This feeling of finality is one of the most difficult things to accept when we go through break-up recovery. It is almost solely the reason that the so important transition to the next phase eludes us at the beginning.
You definitely don’t want an “open door”.
But when you look deeper, you will realize that finality is in fact not our enemy, but our friend. More precisely – it is one of the lesser of the many evils that awaits you after a break-up.
When you think about it, you really don’t want anything else other than finality, even when it hurts like hell.
What you definitely do NOT want is the so-called “open door”. And our Exes LOVE to leave one door open.
They do it out of self-interest, inexperience, perverted good intentions and sadly, very often, out of pure disgrace or stupidity.
You perceive an “open door” as a blessing, because it still gives you the nearness that you seek. But in truth it is very often a big road-bump in your recovery.
An open door is, for example, “let’s stay friends!”, or “I still love you but [insert stupid thing]”. Or the classic, “I need time to think”.
Your mindset should always be aligned towards your recovery. What you really should want at this time is to heal and benefit from this break-up. For this, you NEED finality.
For that reason, the best you can hear from your Ex is, “It’s over and we are NEVER getting back together again. I will disappear from your life and you won’t see me again”.
Now, I know how this hurts. Even to think of it. I know that this sounds mean and beyond all cruelness… but it really would be in your best interest for your recovery.
I know that this feels wrong, but just take my word for it and trust me.
Unfortunately, most Exes don’t understand this fact – and when they do, they rarely say the sentence out of the desire to help you. They do it out of anger and resentment.
But no matter what the motives are, you WANT finality. It makes everything easier, especially for the 60 days of No-Contact.
You WANT finality. And if your Ex doesn’t give it to you, you have to create it for yourself.
So how do you do that?
You can start with sending the No-Contact letter to your Ex, as described in my free ebook.
After that, you just stop contacting them it. As simple and as difficult as that.
You don’t call, don’t write, don’t check their Facebook Page, you just stay away from them, as far as you can. (You can get more concrete tips in the free newsletter).
I know that this is a HUGE step. I know it will probably be the most difficult thing you will ever do. But you HAVE to do this for yourself.
Create the finality you need for your recovery.
“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” – Lao Tzu
Take this one step and you will reach your goal, even if it’s a thousand miles away.
Your goal is a better YOU, a stronger YOU, a more confident YOU. And this better YOU will find the perfect person to be with.
Believe in that and don’t be afraid of finality. You can do this!
If I could back then, then you can too.