How To Stop Yourself From Facebook-Stalking Your Ex

So I have been off of facebook for 2 months now. Contemplating getting back on there but nervous about it. My Ex-Fiancee broke up with me December 1st after 1 year of engagement and 4 total years together. She was my everything and I did anything I could do to make her happy such as pay for rent, clothes, vacations and a medical enhancement. She broke up with me 1 month after we moved into a new apartment in a new 12 month lease, which is causing much stress. I feel like she left me so she could go drink and party more and it hurts me soo much.
It hurts that I bought a $2900 bedroom set and then she wouldnt even sleep in it, just kept sleeping on the couch. On our 1 year anniversary of me proposing to her she went out with a friend and never came home. I am still very devistated. I worry that I will run into her if I go out.
I need advice on getting back on facebook. I dont want to delete her because I feel like she would get upset. Please help! I have lost 40lbs due to depression over this and question if I will ever find someone for me. Thank you very much for help

I finally found this website and I realized, that i too need to vent. my boyfriend and i broke up on May 2012 (8 months ago) 11 days after he graduated his masters degree. he was from another state and was taking his masters in the state that i was in. the thing is though, he’s been hinting that he couldn’t care less or valued the relationship as early as 5 months before we broke up. I couldn’t tell if he was just lonely and needed someone to be physically around , or if he really did care deeply for me cuz he wanted to see me all the time. As for myself, i got so worried about not having enough time tospend time with him before he graduated, that i dedicated and poured out all my efforts to spend as much time as i could with him, scared that i’ll regret i didn’t make the effort to have more time with him because he would always ask for me to be around and always voice out that he really wanted me to be around, wait for him after class, cook dinner with him, go grocery shopping, go out, and live the simple things in life as a couple who truly couldn’t enjoy the day without the other. Basically he played the card on me like i needed to be there for him as much as he needed me because he would miss me when the time comes he graduates, and he can’t stand take the feeling of us being apart. Dumb enough i dedicated my whole self into him for 8 months, while he threw out hints that he had no future plans for us that much but at the same time acted like he really needed me. What a huge lesson learned after all of this. Luckily i’m a smart girl, and i’ve always known that if ‘you’re confused about what a man says and what he does’ , only believe what he does , because it would tell you the truth. but as much as i was smart, my exboyfriend would then be smarter at playing mind games. He would pick me up all the time after his work, and we would drive 40 minutes back to his house. On the weekends when i would stay back at my place and not asked to be picked up on his way home from work (to check if he was just doing it for convenience. cuz i live right near where his work is at. to check if he would still pick me up, even when it’s not one of his work days, to check if he loved me that much) and lo and behold he ‘would’ pick me up. He would do anything a dedicated bf would do. I would wake up in the morning, with myself wrapped around his arms, i would wake up in the middle of the night with myself automatically wrapped around his arms. It was as if even in his dreams, he couldn’t breathe without making sure his lengthy strong arms were doing it’s job to protect me. During my work days, he would get up and make sure he cooked breakfast and that i fully have something to eat with a full stomach before he dropped me off to work for my 3-11pm evening shift. I’ve loved him from the first time i got to talking to him when i met him (he was showing me a picture of his mom in his cellphone) in the middle of a loud noisy and a bunch of drunk crowd of people in a party. I can’t say the word ‘love’ at that moment. but i did find him interesting. It took 3 weeks of me ignoring him til i agreed to meet over lunch before my evening shift at work to have an excuse not to leave. and lunch could be left just as lunch as that. I’ve never really knew what i could say i feel the first moments of meeting to the last. but i can say i fell deeply in love from the moment we had our first exchanges of conversation. it was as if we got along so much. that i didn’t feel on the edge or tense to impress him about every single word i had to say. i felt very relaxed. and he responded in the same manner very well to that. He did everything a guy in love would do. Which was the main big factor that confused me. His actions spoke love. but his presence spoke treachery. it was as if in the back of my head , i knew whatelse was really going. And i think that’s the speacial thing that every girl/woman has i guess. the power of esp and intuition. My exboyfriend showed me how much any dedicated guy woul act if they deeply cared about somebody. but my gut feeling told me something else. And yes , this is true , i would say for all the women out there , all those articles , you read about gut instinct. They are True. You really should listen to them. that when you’re gut instinct kicks in, it is usually right , because it senses the truth of something else. the truth that only the soul could feel even when faced with a most convincing mask. My gut instinct told me my boyfriend then was a liar.and he didn’t care about me. But his actions showed otherwise. I was confused for the longest time and it affected my health and sleep during the course of our relationship. I wish i should’ve listened to my gut instinct earlier though and not let myself drown in the loveable acts of deception. As i was right, during the course of our relationship , i noticed my boyfriend couldn’t even say the word ‘ i love you ‘ not even once. He never talked about the future. but just the future up to the time he was leaving (more like a bait. to keep me feeling sorry for him. to keep me around. because he didn’t have anybody.) when a friend of his visited from his home state. he was specifically bothered even a one whole day before his friend arrived. and specifically voiced it out to me that he didn’t want his friend to ask ‘specific’ questions about the relationship of us. As if i wasn’t smart enough to catch that red flag that he obviously didn’t want his friend to ask how serious we were , because he wasn’t serious at all. even though (serious) is the way he would act. or at least to manipulate me. It was then and there that i caught the biggest red flag. I asked myself. (If he acts really serious about us, why is it that one of his closest friends is forbidden to ask any questions that would lead to him answering anything about our fututre as a couple.) Why did it bother him that much. that he didn’t want his friend to ask.? and let alone . He never brings the future up . Or when it comes he wants to work it out. I regreted waiting my time with this kind of person. Who always made me feel uneasy. Like i was walking on eggshells and all the time i didn’t know where our relationship was at. After we broke up. it hurted alot. he made it on proper timing. Exactly on the day two days before he left my state and met up with his guy friend for the two of them to drive back to his home state. I gave it a shot one last time to test him to see if i was right that he didn’t love me or was i just being crazy and that our break up was probably just do to unavoidable long-distance relationship that is hard to handle as a circumstance, but lo and behold i was right. , the following day, i told him i was near his area , and wanted to see if he would go out of his way to see me one last time (even if his friend is around), and i got my answer. He didn’t want to see me one last time ‘now’ that his friend is around. I realized then that he only kept me as a secret. and that he probably only kept me around during times when he felt lonely cuz he didn’t have any friend of his around. Because the minute his friend was finally around. He didn’t even ache to see me (as the trademark he would always put on as an act) for me to run to him. but when his friend is finally around, it was as if he didn’t even feel any of that. I’ve always been a smart girl. I knew all along that he was never treating me right in the relationship. But i stook around ’til the end ’til he left. Maybe because i wanted to one day look back with no second thought or regrets that i ‘knew’ i really did my best in the relationship. I wanted to know that when it comes down to it, i ‘did my best’ and he still didn’t make the effort to make it workout. So i can walk away and know that i did my best and there was nothing i lacked in anything i had to do. If i could go back i wish i had enough in myself earlier on to be strong and walk away from the minute my instinct knew that what he was showing was not enough. But it was a hard lesson learned and i’m glad i didn’t walk away to the very end. so i could look back and say i wasn’t the one who didn’t make it work out. The biggest lesson i learned was that. A job (one’s work) should be reall more loved than a relationship. Because a job (employment) and an education would never betray you as much as a boyfriend or a relationship will , or does. I used to get distracted when he would call while i was in the middle of work. I used to anxiously wait and jump around when the hour was coming close for me to clock out and finally be done with work to call him back. But now i learned the truth and reality of priorities i should really be focused on at. That men and a relationship with them are really a waist of time. It’s a drain to a woman’t health and energy . It’s a web and maks of lies . Waiting to cut off and laugh at your face and say gotcha! I’m glad i’m not one of those girls who have been in their relationship for over 2 – 3, 4 – 6 years , and that’s when suddenly their good for nothing boyfriend pulls the word gotcha! and ends it like their years together were nothing . and they are just strangers at the best of that.
I’m glad i didn’t wait for years to go on. It hurts alot because i deeply cared and still do care about him. At times i still browse websites just to try to heal. like this one. But in the end i know , him playing the part of deceiving is nothing tears crying about that its worth. Because my feelings might overule me and say it was ok and he was great in the relationship, but in the parting ways and grand scheme of it all , i can always remind myself , that he didn’t do everything he could do to keep me, and someday . , there will be a guy out there that could never let me go.
I’ll just kick up my heels and smile. (or practice smiling again slowly) cuz the right one could just be already somewhere around me waiting.

Oh and to add to our breakup. I got into a serious accident that involved injury on my head just before my exboyfriend parted ways with me. And the biggest eye opener of it all , is that not once did he express that he was comppletely sad or sorry aboout what happened to me . Instead , he insulted me. So that goes again for another lo and behold sure certain way for me to look back at any time i am confused about my feelings after the break up. And be totally honest and known to myself. that i didn’t do anything . and i have / had no fault on anything that led us to our break . or could look back on anything to even try to blame myself. Whenever i get confused , i can always look back and know that i should never blame myself. I don’t have a fault on the break up on anything.
As early as right now. I am already conditioning myself on what eventually in the future will come. A picture of him and another girl publicly on line on each other’s arms. I am embracing myself already for it . And I think my reaction will be i’ll be happy for that. No matter how prettier she turns out to be than i am. I will be happy. because she will the next victim he would have. I understand he could be nice. But any guy who adds insult to injury to another person who is going through something . Is a sue sign that he would do the same thing to anyone no matter what , and is really a pesky side of his true unravelled personality. And if it’s a personality trait or part of him , it would most likely be applied to every other person or all the people he knows who will actually have a chance to get really close to him. I know that personalities don’t really change, especially if a person has hit a certain age. and they still can’t tell the difference between acts of what’s right and wrong.

Update. : so lately i’ve been working on getting my healthy image back. I am doing what i can to rationalize that i really have to stop waisting time thinking about the past. realizing that the person i had a relationship wasn’t right. And that i should stick to my guns next time (my instinct). I’m ready to ignore everything and go on with my life. Focus on my career and pray to God for a successful life. And open my opportunities to unfamiliar grounds and making more friendships while i proceed to cntinue coompleting my requirements to continue to engage more and improve my life. And maybe just maybe , one of those friendships will be for a properly well – deserving heartfelt undeceitful proper guy who is willing to fight for my heart , and who deserves to have me in his life as much as i would enjoy to have him in mine. I know somewhere out there , is the relationship i deserve , and the right guy who will make sure he does everything in his power to fight a thousand battles or go to war just to keep me.

Biggest Lesson ; a wolf can really hide in sheep’s clothing .

-Jdyosa 🙂 Goodluck everyone!!
(using one of my good friend’s fb. while he forgot tonlog out. hahahaha)