A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or
a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you
will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is
usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have
come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you
with guidance and support, to aid you physically,
emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a
godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason
you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an
inconvenient time, this person will say or do something
to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die.
Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realise is that our need has been met, our
desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you
sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .
Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount
of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things
you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional
foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the
person, and put what you have learned to use in all
other relationships and areas of your life. It is said
that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Author unknown

Feeling hopeless right now. Knowing it will be okay someday, but right now, I'm like I will never find someone who will be able to handle a crazy person like me. I feel like it's all too complicated.
I need to figure out myself and grow but oh my god it seems like impossible right now. I'm not moving forward. Feeling down....
Be less needy. Love yourself more. Do what you wanna do. Be good to yourself. Start exercising. Follow your purpose in life. Do more, more, more I need to calm down at take it one step at the time but right now I just feel overwhelmed and everything seems so huge. Mountains out of molehills. I'm tired...

sometimes I am doing ok, somtimes I think i just cant go on anymore... I have highs and extreme lows. My ex and I have been broken up for almost 4 months now and it still feels like yesterday because I am putting myself through all of this pain. He is already with a new girl and only a month after we broke up. I feel betrayed and at my lowest. I know i deserve better but I just dont know how to completely give him up. i need advice, i recently went 5 whole days without talking to him but then couldnt bare it any longer. i know....5 days... wow thats a really short time but i cant go longer than that... help :(

2 weeks tomorrow since he left me. 3 years of what I believed was a very loving relationship. And then the bomb, he doesn't love me anymore and wants his freedom. WTF happened? No answers, just pure deep pain. How could he just fall out of love? We just got back from a great vacation where the romance was beautiful. I never had any indication that he was falling out of love with me. I gave this relationship all of me. And now I sit with this pain and depression. Have not eaten since, can't sleep without the help of something and that only lasts a couple of hours. My mind races, I look for him online. Everything reminds me of him and I cry. I get through each day holding on to the hope that he will come back and everything will be ok again. I wonder what he is doing, is he seeing someone, is he talking to someone, is he happy with his decision, doe she think of me as much as I am thinking of him. First week I cried and begged for him to come back, very low point in my life I understand, but didn't care as all I wanted was for us to be together again. Well that sure wasn't working. Now its been almost a week that I finally decided to try and fix myself and stop contacting him. I started going to a psychologist because the depression was getting too deep. I am going to come out of this, I know I will. Just not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel yet. I want the sun to shine again. I want to be happy. I want to be appreciated. And most of all I want to be loved and not hurt the way I am hurting right now. Thank you all for listening.

Where do broken hearts go?????. There is no hiding place from the pain, why the hell does it still hurt so bad after we try everything to get them out of our lives and out of our systems. We see them with their girlfriends and we accept it for a while then BAM out of nowhere memories flood our minds like a hurricane and we are left hurting all over again. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHERE THE HELL DO BROKEN HEARTS GO?????I want to go there and never come back, this stinks!!!!

And I think at this stage I can't tell whether I want this guy back or wht, because the dynamics of this break up is making me vulnerable and I hv to keep reminding myself of his problems. So I really think I need to get him come a bit closer so that I can draw back a little to see the whole pic

Though does no contact line works for all types of break up? because with my one, neither me nor him is exactly the dumpee or dumper. He is frustrated over me and ask me to do certain things and I refuse because that makes me appear desperate and pitiful, and will definitely end my attraction to him, with me heart broken. And he said hurtful things and I said, if you are already in this state i think breaking up should be the best option for us both. He agreed said he is fed up with this and doesnt believe I will change. But then he offered me a chance, saying I can marry him to show my sincerety to commitment, which is of course not possible. then we broke up, we were on speaking terms initially, sending txts now and then, but then he got frustrated thinking I am moving on and is seeing someone, and wanted to cut contact all together. And in this case, wud my no contacting push him further away towards his rebound girl, or would it work ?

you must see that the way things are right now, the relationship between you two has become so unhealthy that you decided to break up. it doesn't matter who the dumper was, even in your case, I would consider you two broken up.
So either way, getting back together or moving on, you must get your distance and get a clear head before you can consider getting back together and once you did get a clear head you might find that getting back together is not an option and you might see that actually you don't want him back.
So whatever it is that will happen, you need to stop contacting him for your own good, not because you want to manipulate him.
Things didn't work out in the end, so stop contacting him, focus on yourself, heal, grow and become a better and stronger person, for yourself.
Of course you are feeling uneasy now because you've been with him for a long time even though you always had doubts, which shows that you had either become comfortable in the relationship or were always waiting for it to develop into something else, something better.
The problem I see with your breakup is that you are waiting for something to happen so that you can move further away which means that you are sort of not taking control over it.
Also I get the impression that maybe you need to get a chance to reject him so that you can be the dumper in the end.
I think it's perfectly natural to want to do it that way.
I was sort if in a situation where I was the dumper but actually he had left me cause his feelings were fading away and got distant.
I always wished that he would call and say he wants me back but only so that I could push him away and feel better about myself.
But bottom line is, it doesn't make a difference, the outcome is the same:
It didn't work out, it's over, we need to move on and find the way back to ourselves and our happiness.
Stop analyzing his new life. Start analyzing your own new life.
Stop assuming why he does the things he does, they should not be your problem anymore, you are your own person and now you can completely focus on yourself.
Yes, he probably wants to upset you with his rebound girl, but if he needs to do so, that should be his problem and not yours anymore.
Think of yourself stronger than that.
Delete him on facebook and his friends who you are not really friends with. I did the same even though things ended rather peacefully, I just had to delete and block him and also all of his friends who of course after 1 year and 4 months I considered my friends, too, but acutally they're not really my friends, they are my ex-boyfriend's friends, which makes them my ex-friends, too, at least for a while. So I explained to them I would delete them as well and they were very understanding.
It just feels so relieving to make sure that when you're on facebook it will be like your ex doesn't exist anymore.
Also to know that you're not posting certain stuff hoping he will see it.
And it feels so good because you stop fooling yourself and start taking control of the whole thing.
You don't need to wait for him to come closer.
Just make a bigger step further away, it will be a clear message!
You can feel emotional actually you must let your emotions happen but always be aware that they are "only" emotions and they will pass by!
Don't act on them.
If you miss him, just miss him. Just do that. Don't react. Cry. Scream. Even out loud: "I miss you".
Just don't do anything, because whenever we're in a very emotional condition (like very sad or angry), we tend to act impulsively and we always regret it after wards.
You need to change the perspective. Don't think of the no contact as a tool to manipulate him, but as a tool to finally put yourself in repair.
It's not about him anymore, whatever you do, it's about you now!

well its not that I miss my ex, I always knew and wanted to break up with him as I knew we will never work out. And finally it happened, but I am feeling uneasy because he has found himself a rebound girl the night we broke up, I knew its only a rebound girl and he is apparently not over me, the night we broke up he even asked me to marry him as a sign of commitment to this relationship. I knew he was only using the girl to caress his pain and ease the loneliness, but it still makes me uneasy, I knew I cant contact him that put me in a weaker n more vulunerable emotional state and will distance him even more. But sometimes I just cant control thinking of excuses to txt him.

he came over last sunday to borrow a dvd from my flatmate, it appears its half because he's rebound wants to see the show, coz he was never interested in that, and he is also showing off his rebound girl's picture, lucky I was not home coz no matter how clearly i knew its only a rebound I would still be furious n heart broken seeing it...its how easy our mind can be manipulated. Though he was as well checking on how I was doing, he asked if I was home, n my housemate said nah, she was home quite late recently. He got really upset, and txt me accusing me of getting over so fast. N then called, I told him I was not on a date but he would not believe it, and hung up. Then we had a few txts exchanged, he said he still thinks abt me, hatred and profanities. he said he doesnt want to know anything about my new bf (he imaged it as whenever am not home he thought am on a date, well I dun think getting a rebound is a responsible decision and I am not dating till I recover from this).

I did got weak on Tues n thought of a reason to txt him which he replied briefly and I txt to ask more n he never replied. I did not txt back.

well its only being 2 days but its hard because I was emotionally quite dependent on him. And knowing he is seeing someone, even a rebound, and the fact that I am not, is making this difficult for me although I always knew breaking up is the best option here. I know a bit of psychology myself and I knew what is going on, knowing they will never work out as each other's rebound, and he is still miserable trying to getting over me isnt helping much, I know if I move on and stop contacting and do certain things, chances are he will come back himself, which although is not what I want, as I just wanted him to come a lil bit closer so that I can drift a lil bit further, which is to say to change the dynamics of this break up and make it easier for me.

And I control myself not txting him but cant stop checking his facebook and msn status, although I knew this makes me more vulnerable just cant stop doing it...Just when I thought I am quite calm abt this, I noticed him changing
his status from: the end or the begining to 'rebirth'. And that totally ruined my mood, it sounds as if he has moved on and going pretty well with the rebound girl n is over me, although I tried to persuade myself that means he was in hell and is feeling better or whatever, the simple one word status really upset me, knowing that he is not feeling as bad about the break up as he was, because the other girl was taking care of him. I think over and over abt the simple one word status, thinking wht does that mean? is it that he is over me? or is it he was really davastated and is feeling better because the rebound was there for him? or simply because he was super upset last sunday because he thought I was dating and is feeling better about that, either way, its not a good thing he says that

And I think uncousiciously he is using the girl to get back to me, he is treating her really nice, as nice as he used to be with me, or better sometimes, n he sometimes tell me about it. even with me knowing that is how rebound relationship works, transferring the residual feelings to the rebound and get what was not in the previous relationship. It still make me jealous, even unconsciously.

My friends keep telling me he doesnt deserve me when I was seeing him, and I know he will never get someone like me (not being arrogant but everyone thinks so too and look at his rebound you would know) I keep telling myself things like this, and how he was such a bad catch, a calm liar, potential cheater, rude n dress like a teenager etc etc, and this does help, bit by bit, to get over

I cant talk about this to my friends, this does make me sound like a petty pathetic woman, and its so good finding a place to let it all out. I really want to know though it might sound a bit selfish, that how do I change the dynamics of this break up, so that it makes me feel better

Whether its getting over and moving on with my life, or changing the dynamics I guess the key is to cut contact all together, I really need to gather my strength and not let emotion take control of myself. I have being emotionally dependent on my exes, and now its time for me to be on my own feet and take full control of my own life and emotions.

He's been my boyfriend for almost a year now. He is separated from his wife (whom he has a 14-yr-old child with) for four years already at that time we met. The reason for their break up was that his wife cheated on him twice. And since divorce is not legal here in our country, he just decided to move away from both his child and wife. He swore he was over her and that he's never going back to her because he couldn't trust her anymore and the love he felt for her have faded along with pain he felt when the separation happened. However, they still have contact because of child support and holidays wherein he would get their child to vacation with him. We were very happy together especially during the first few months of our relationship. He even introduced me to his child and siblings. Just recently though, we've been fighting a lot and so we decided to cool it off for a few days. Then, just last month he went on a vacation with his child to visit his aging parent. Unknown to me until I saw the pictures on a social networking site, his wife was there too for a family gathering that was organized by his sibling. Only later on, he told me (after i asked him) that his child and sister have been pestering and begging him to forgive his wife and work things out to save the marriage for their child's sake that's why they asked her to go to that said gathering. What's really sad is that he gave in to their pleadings. I don't know if he still really love her, after all the hell she put him through, or if he is just giving what his child and sister (both, he is very very close to) have been asking from him. So now, im left behind, broken and helpless. Although, I know he still loves me, I can't fight for him because they're still bound by marriage and that would somehow make me a home wrecker. How can he be sooo stupid to go back?! Isn't being cheated twice a lesson already!!

I hear you, my ex has a baby with his ex, too. Though they weren't married, but the child wasn't born when he broke up with her cause he could see it never working out, then we happened.
Now that we're broken up, looking back I know that I was being totally selfish.
I was torn between feeling guilty and unhappy because I was sort of the "other" woman, on the other hand it felt so good to be with him I thought it had to be right.
Well turns out, it wasn't at least not in the long run.
It got too complicated and I have learned in the end that if there are children involved, you must, MUST put the kids first.
There's no room for your own needs, at least not until the children's needs are met.
That's a fact and if he decides to go back for his child, there is absolutely nothing you can or should do about it.
Blood is thinker than water, and even if he doesn't love his wife, he might just not have the heart to leave his child behind.
If you really love him in an unselfish way, you ought to let him go and be there for his child.
We people without children will never really understand until we have kids ourselves I think. And also even if you might feel that he shouldn't do it because you think he hasn't learned his lesson, I would ask myself if maybe he did learn his lesson and is well aware of what he's risking, but he is willing to take that risk for the sake of his child?
We can never feel what others feel or know what others think or see the world through their eyes. So if he decides to go back, you must let him go. Be grateful for the times you had. Actually that reminds me of an article I read online: a day, a season, a lifetime. google it, you'll find it. It's really interesting, sad and beautiful cause it's so true...

I'm sorry that was a reason, a season, a lifetime:
http://www.yuni.com/library/docs/631.html

God this sucks so bad! It's been three weeks and for that last two I have not talked to you out of class! I want to go see you so bad tonight when I know your done with work. But i've already begged you back you twice and where did it get me? NO WHERE! Why do I want to go see you tonight? I know you will just say "I'm sorry" because your Mr. Nice guy! But your not that nice, your broke my heart into a thousand little pieces and Im left here still loving you so darn much. I hate this so much, I feel so weak and powerless and the future still seems so bleak with out you. You were my everything, my rock I went to you for everything and I was so comfortable and happy with you. Not I'm left spending my nights alone and hardly being able to get up in the morning. When will this pain and hurt go away I can't deal with any longer, its the worst thing i've ever been through.

I'm selling the bracelet he gave me for my 24th birthday a couple of months ago!
http://www.exboyfriendjewelry.com/listings.php?adid=22204

So, it's been 4 weeks the day. the only contact we had since then was one week after i broke up with him (but he was the one distancing from me so i'm more like the dumpee), i sent him a very short mail asking him to delete all the pictures he had of me (saucy once of course), and that I didn't know if he'd actually do it but i wanted to let him know i'd appreciate it, and he replied that that's no problem and he's already done it.
the day before yesterday then i sent another short line saying: "hi, just asking about the status of my stuff? Anna"
and today he replied: set it off today, sorry for the wait was either away or busy with m. and s. (his ex and child). hope you're ok X"
and i was thinking two things:
thank god, soon i'll have my stuff, it'll be one more shock i know for sure as there will be so many memories arriving at once, but then i can move on.
and the other thing was: hell yea i am ok! i mean, just because i deleted him and all his friends off facebook and didn't contact him even though he said that i should feel free to do so if i needed to talk doesn't mean i'm like this hurt dog lying in a corner licking her wounds.
I've been licking them long before and i just had to wait for them to heal just enough before i endeted it and now they just hurt every now and then when i move to quick.
but i'll be fine. "i'm not that stupid little person still in love with you"...
well, i am sort of still in love with him, but that's not the point.
i don't want him back, i'm not resentful because of him, i'm dealing with it perfectly fine. i mean yes, now and then i get sentimental but to be honest: it's not really because of him as a person. i don't really miss HIM i miss the good things we had. but that was not it. we had great times, romantic times, madly passionate in love times, too good to be true. and it was. because things have changed and it wasn't meant to be more than a romance. an affair. not enough to result in a committed relationship. so why should i be suffering from it?
YES I'M OK! You patronizing idiot! :)
Ok, of course me writing this shows that I still have some work to do, but how ever, I'm glad that I'm not thinking: Oh, he hopes that I'm ok, he must still love me! Well, maybe just a little. But the other thought has a major overweight. I'M GREAT AND FINALLY DOING WHAT I WANT AND THE NAGGING PAIN FROM WHEN I WAS STILL WITH YOU IS NOT THERE ANYMORE.
When I was with him, I was hurting so much from the little contact we had.
I was constantly waiting for his call, feeling down, feeling like it was actually over already but not really.
It was emotional torture.
He has a child with his ex. All this crap, it was too much for me without him helping me pull through so that we would make it work as a team. I felt like I was alone out there fighting, taking all the "jealousy bulletts" from his ex (silly posts on his wall: mummy and baby miss daddy kiss kiss kiss and tagging pictures of them with child and his parents with the caption saying: with the in-laws) i never met her but it was clear she wanted to hurt me and break us.
but i know she's not the reason we didn't work, the reason was that he didn't feel like it was necessary to do something about it.
he didn't feel like being in a relationship would mean he would have to try make it work too and not just hide behind the fact that he's the father and there's nothing he can do, cause that's not true.
he could either try to sort things out with her and ask her to not do this or he could break up with me but not keep telling me that he wants to be with me and he wants to make it work, but then doesn't understand how it made me feel when she did that sort of stuff.
it was all small things but also big things.... complicated.

so, now i don't have to think about this shit any longer, i don't have to hurt everyday wondering why he's not calling, why he didn't say i love you at the end of the last call, why he seems like he doesn't care about me anymore, because it doesn't matter anymore, it's over.
it's simply over, and now I do miss him but at least i feel much better in general. all the insecurity about us, the paranoia, the pondering, analyzing, the desperation is not there anymore and it's so relieving!

I'M OK!

oh and we have been together for 1 year. so one would have thought that it was a committed relationship but he never was really committed. i believe he didn't cheat or anything but commitment is more than that.

It has been a week since I found out he is with someone. Just 7 days but feel like 7 years. Pain, anger, sadness and fear - everyday and got better for few days, filled with positive thoughts. Came to empty again waking up from bed next day. Friends said let go! Books said let go ! I know, I know. Talked to therapist and support group, felt better and the feeling of emptiness is back once again, everyday. I acknowledged my emotions but seems going downhill. I felt like relying on a friend which I kept venting to her about my feeling, feel bad about it. I went to gym, converted my thoughts in words ...I miss him the one that I loved and loved me. I resent the one who dumped me and having good time with his new girlfriend. I have so much anger and feeling of revenge to go out with someone, some re-bounce...but i know this is going to hurt me eventually but he will not even care if i am live or dead. My kid recently had brought up his name again and my heart just sank. I have tried to forgive him, I have not given sour face in front of him even how miserable I felt whenever I thought about his new relationship and leaving me alone. I know I have to accept the one I knew had long gone, he has his new life now with a new woman. I have no choice to let go but I started to think even if he is coming back one day, he does not deserve me anymore. As he always think he was the only man will love me this way but I am sure he knows one day that he would never find another person like me who had loved him this way - the woman that being dumped for 50 times and still wanted to be with him. It is time to wake up and let go.

I realise what killed our relationship, and caused you so much turmoil was my own inner-turmoil. You tried to tell me this for months. I'm sorry.

Why is it that you flirted with that girl at the bar a week before you broke up with me? You told me you loved me when we got back together. In your words, I just caught you at a "heartache" moment. You liar. You were looking to get away since you got back with me. You didn't tell me about this girl because you know how crazy I was getting. You made me crazier, because I know you were judging me for so long for my emotions. I was an obligation to you for the last 6 months of my relationship. It makes me so angry that I forgave your mistakes, and would've CONTINUED forgiving your mistakes no bad how gnarly they got, but when I made a mistake and made leaps and bounds to improve my attitude, you just held it against me, and could never learn to love my flaws. You didn't love me for ME, you loved me for who you thought I was. You're right when you told me that you missed the old KK, but she never existed. You made her up in your head, and you ripped my heart out and crushed it when you couldn't see who I was and love me anyway. I loved every bad thing about you. I loved every good thing.

Still, I fight the urge everyday to try and get you to walk back into my life. Through thick and thin, you promised me forever. When we 1st talked before we started dating, I dreamed of you being my 'one' and helping me through scary things, loving me, and kissing me, and I told you about it which spurred the desire to talk. I guess it doesn't mean we're some magical soulmates or whatever, it just meant that you served a purpose in my life. You showed me with one really big lesson that broke my heart that I need to work on me before I end up destroying everything. It hurts being more grateful towards you. I want to call you up and tell you what I discovered about myself, and it makes me want you more. But I know it's better that I don't call, and I just let the next man who walks into my life enjoy the improved me... the girl you thought I was when you first got with me. I'm sorry I didn't give that to you while we were together. I'm sure you'll find the girl that you really want to "settle" with soon, if you haven't already.

What an awful love story we made. Heh.

After 12+ years I am no longer with him. I am no longer part of his family. I miss him,love him, and them. I am weighted down with so much pain, subsisting on bags of chips and maybe an old carrot once in awhile. I can't shop, eat, sleep and my knees often feel like they're buckling from under me. Why? Because hes frigg'n dating somemone 23 years younger than himself!
He tells me this over the phone and in the same breath mentions that he can now pop 4 wheelies in a row on his fixed gear bike. WHAT????
I call this mid life crisis! The dude is in his forties! I only rolled my eyes when I first heard this tidbit of devastating news but then my heart sank to the earths firey core. Its been exactly a week and I'm a complete basket case. I've been there with him through the thickest of the dregs, sometimes skating on the thinnest of ice, but we held close and through it all grew closer. Then. Out of nowhere, BAM! I've been socked in the gut, the wind knocked out of me. What a fool he is. I only hope one day he looks back and realizes the true treasure he had and and so carelessly and thoughtlessly let go. And phone? Quit pulling on me you sob! I will not dial the guys #!

DAy 1..she broke up with she said lost connection ..on tuesdY she said there is hope on Wednesday she said over for now so I made her a video and cd to try to get her back..yesterday she took her pics and the cologne she gave but I did donate some of her stuff too...so we had a conversation txt conve..she broke up by txt she's is 26 I am 34..I don't know I am stalking but I will stop and accepted y focus In paying stuff offSome how is my fault but she not an angel either..she treAt me bad a few time I don't know..I love her son I she may invited me to the birthday in 2.1/2 weeks..she seems better than me but no phone call all is txting or through my ex-wife which is her bestfriend..I introduce them each other..we we started she didn't know I was marry and my divorce date officially is on dec 6th she never forgave me I guess.my ex told her...anyway I will back for day 3 let's move on but I would like to wait..thNk u

coming out of a mentally/ physically abusive relationship is strange. i never thought id be that girl and now i am. it hurts more than ever that someone you gave everything you got to would do that to you. then you get the phone call every night since. im sorry. i love you. i shouldnt have done that. i shouldnt have said that. im hurting too. you were my bestfriend. the love of my life. and what do you do? keep clicking the end button, then listen to the crying voicemail. the voicemail of the person who hurt you. and you know u deserve better. you know that theres more to you than him. and you dont deserve in any way to be treated the way he treated you. but the worst feeling is not being able to hate him. and i wish i hated him. but i dont. i love him. i know love doesnt go away over night. but i feel sick, this isnt normal. i should hate him. he hurt me, whyy dont i hate himmm

because hate is not the opposite of love. the opposite of love is indifference. and you will get there one day, you just need a lot of time to heal. just make sure to stay the hell away from him long enough. all the best for you x

no contact for 4 days frm break up.


i broke up with him and hes telling his family he kicked me out cause im a mooch and broke up with me, im so sad. half the time i happy and feel so free( i was with him for 2 years) and then i get these lil points in the day that i break down. normally likr 4 times a day.its getting easier and easier,but i know he going to evenutally call, and what to do when that happens. i wont know what to say or think, i told myself i wont pick up or text back. i want him gone, out of my mind. i hate him, i hate how he made me his slave. how he threatened to throw my stuff out the window if i didnt do what he says, when he wouldnt have sex with me, but all he wanted was for me to pleasure him. i hate him, two years of complete waste of time, waste of money and energy,it feels so good to write this down even though i crying as we speak.sometimes i get the sudden urge to jsut call him to hear him and then i dont let myself, he is not worth it at all, but why is part of me constantly looking at my phone to see if he does call? i hear a certian song and quote and think of you, i went out to sushi and it remined me of you. i fell so empty, you made me have LACK of slef esteem. made me feel un attractive, you are no man what so ever, you were a lil boy, a mommas boy who didnt know how to do laundry,cook,clean, you made me stop "me time" for you. and when i wanted space you didnt let me. you blame me for everything, its been 4 days since i left your apartemnt with all my stuff are you even thinking about me? i hope you end up missing me and by thnei ll notice that your are a piece of shit. i hate how you always used to watch porn and elave it on your computer for me to find, i hate how you used to make fun of the weight ive gained because of this depressing relationship. i just freaking hate you, im so better off without you. i just hope i mstrong enough to never let myself get near you AGAIN

I'm having a hard time. It's been a month after we broke up. I went to California for a while to give time to myself and then you asked me if I have left already. I told you it doesn't matter anymore because it won't change a thing. You asked me if I miss you and I ignored it. I don't know why you wanted to know if I'm going back to my country to visit. Nothing will change even if I tell you and I'm proud of myself for having the control not to say anything about it. I'm proud of myself for not texting you back when you said for me to take care. Now, I'm thinking of calling you but I know it's not gonna help me. I hope by doing this, I will have the control not to. I want to move on with my life.

Right now I hate you because I can't watch my favorite TV-Shows without something reminding me of you.
I can't listen to Pete Yorn who's music I like because you showed me his music.
I feel so loney right now even though I know I have great friends and my family and I have myself. But I'm lonely.
Send me back my stuff already!! You said you were going to do it right away it's been three weeks now you ass I wanna move on! God damn it!
I have you right now you're such an idiot for letting me go i'm a fantastic catch and you are an IDIOT for letting me go. I was going to stick by you through thick and thin but the minute I'm going through a rough patch you turn your back on me? You're an asshole you know that?
And the silly thing is, I wanna forget you because I KNOW you're actually not that great a guy.
But here I am, waiting for my stuff to arrive, not watching my favorite TV-Show and avoiding Pete Yorn, cause I wanna stop missing you!!!

Ok hi I have a situation which is worse

there is no such thing as better or worse when it comes to a broken heart.

I feel exactly the same way about this whole situation!! i cant watch a freaking movie cause something triggers memories of him, i cant listen to some singers that i like cause he introduced me to them, i cant eat a certain food etc...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! listen i also have great friends and family and they have been very supportive. yet after four months of not talking to him i still have my moments.. U have to know that im slowly starting to detach, songs, foods, events etc.. to him but there are moments like today when something triggers this repressed emotions!! I also felt that he turned my back on me the minute i hit a rough patch, when i was always there for him being supportive and being his personal cheerleader!! At least we dont have to waist our energy on jerks like them though, we can now invest our emotions and energy on ourselves and on people who truly love us, such as friends and family. Until we completely heal, we will continue missing them and grieve the loss of the dream we had with them. Things get better though, today was a hard day, but now i only have days like this a couple of times a month as oposed to every single day!! Take care, and expand your world by discovering new shows, singers,etc.. watch how this makes you feel better!

Well she broke with me I m on my second day....I am thinking about her she said there is hope but I don't know she delete our pics from my camera took some stuff..she even have a okcupid profile up not me I am part guilty I didn't cheat I just didn't tell her I was married and my divorce is officiAl on dec 6th she found out cause my wife told her now they are best friends and hang out together yesterday...I will follow no contact rule first...bit in 3 week is her son 2 yo birthday'.I love he kid but should I go ?????txs

(English is not my native language)...How could it happen that after 10 months of practically perfect relationship, he suddenly broke up with me? How could it happen that after 2 weeks of strange contacts, conversations, even having a feeling that he broke up because of the other woman, I believed him again? He told me that he never actually started a relationship with this woman because he early realised that she is not the right one.. How could I believe it and give this relationship a second chance? Blind because too much in love? How could it happen that he managed to have a relationship with me and that woman simultaneously during next 4 months? And each of us believed that she is the only one... We planned on having a baby... What did he plan with that woman? ... How stupid could I be to believe that my stuff was on wrong places in the bathroom, because his mother was helping him to clean the flat, and just forgot to put everything on the right places (I lived in my flat, was just staying at his from time to time)? Why wasn't I alarmed that he always carried his mobile with him, never leaving it aynwhere? Ending up the conversations on phone, once I happened to be nearby? Except for "much more work now" and that is why "less time for you, baby" - everything seemed perfect to me...
Wake up, girl!!! Just accidentally I found a foto on Facebook, as a profile photo of some girl from his contacts - photo of her and him as a lovely couple... Shock... Me, being not able to breath and willing not to believe... Fluent check of a memory of his landline phone, and noticing one number, calling every day... Our converstation.. His lies... Me, saying "Please tell me the truth, because if you don't, she will tell me the truth once I call her".. "I love you. Please don't call her. I will tell her myself. Tomorrow. Let us try to fix it, and stay together. Stay with me"... He never told her... After sleepless couple of nights, realising that I cannot trust him anymore and all that will turn my life into nightmare, I came to tell him - Sorry, I do not want a third try... Too late, my photos being not anymore on his working desk, my stuff had already been packed...
I called her.. to learn the truth.. The truth was even more ugly than I thought... She did not believe me, I think... He called me, hard words, threatening that he will make my life miserable if I again try to contact her... 1 day later a new photo on Facebook - we are getting married + comments and congratulations on the pin-wall...
I stopped searching through Facebook...No contact...I do not miss him already... But I still have something unsaid, something that I will never have the possibility to say to him. Every day this "something" is different... Disappointment, feeling of being betrayed, emptiness, wish to know "why"... and the questions being in my head 24/7: How could I believe him all those 4 months?... How could he do it to me? How could he have a double-life, without hating to see himself in a mirrow? I know there is no answer to these questions on the rational level, my mind will never be able to understand that.. Probably the answer is somewhere else, on some differen level, where only emotions and fears of people count...
I am writing here, in order not to write an email to him... Thanks for this web-site.. It is great!

Well, its official, its really over now. My ex and his girl conference call me last night just to clear the air and to hear me say that I want nothing to do with their lives.I was never bothering them at all, he was the one that constantly tried to stay in touch. They have now decided to move on and their should be no more contact with me from either of them. I feel like I just ended a 9mths divorce battle after and 9 yrs marriage, we werent married(thank God) but it sure feels something like that. Now I believe I can finally breathe because all the fuss,cuss and drama has come to an end. They have both prayed for me(how nice) and hope that I will have a good life. I thanked them and wished them all the best. For all who are in the battle, know this that IT WILL COME TO AN END. some just end faster than some. Relationships are great especially the one you have with yourself. It still hurts somewhat inside but now I can use my energy otherwise.Hang in there everyone and have a great weekend

You stupid boy! I loved you and gave everything I had to you and I still love you but I had to do the right thing by breaking up with you! Now it's been three weeks and you've already moved on??? You said you loved me and you would die for me but you're okay??? I would still take a bullet for you! If I wasn't good enough for you to be your girlfriend so you could stand up to HER and tell HER you had a life I'm not good enough to be your friend, no matter how much I want you back! All my dreams I based on you, my whole life and now I'm breaking apart again for the second time this summer and I feel like my life's purpose is gone! I loved you so much and I still love you but I just want to move on! I can't do anything or go anywhere without seeing your face or hearing your voice and I can't get away from you cause you're gonna be at school! I was the Dumper but you know what you left me long before I left you! Same old story I get too attached and people backstab me my family is what I have left I can't believe you! God, please let me move on and stop hurting I'm so tired of it!!!

Now, I have a little problem. Since it was a long-distance relationship and I had a lot of stuff at his place over in England (I live in Germany), when we broke up over the phone he said he was going to send my stuff back to my place, as I asked him to.
Now it's been more than 3 weeks and I sort of just want my stuff to be here, so that I won't die of a heart attack when I open the packet and it's like an explosion of memories.
I don't want contact him because I know I would only be hoping to hear him say he misses me and he won't so I don't want to, but I sort of wanna know about when my stuff is going to be here, so that first of all I can prepare, and second of all I can then finally completely put this behind me without having to wait for my stuff to arrive...
What do I do? Just send him a short mail saying: Hi, just wondering about my stuff? Anna.
And nothing more? What would you guys say? Please help me....

Omg, mine was a long distance relationship too! My ex actually told me that he had thrown all my stuff away!! When i called him about my stuff!! I was like ohhhhh nooooooo, i had purchased alot of new stuff the last time i was there with him, but he didnt even had the decency to send it to me!! So i dont know... i understand you though because is like part of your closure... like you said, you dont want an explosion of memories yet, dont worry about it it will be an explotion of emotions whenever ur stuff gets there, that is if he sends it to you. Whatever the outcome, you will have to feel those emotions so you dont carry baggage from this relationship unto a new one... i say dont contact him, yet i did... and thats the response that i got from him!! He was a jerk with me at the end though, i dont know how things ended between you two, i hope this helps.

well basically he wasn't really a jerk but it seems that in some way he's just being insensitive and he's not very good being empathetic with other people. he said so himself and it's true. it's not he means it in a bad way and he is usually very helpful and respectful, but it seems as if though he missed some lessons.
he thought it would hurt me so much if he stopped saying he loved me and then broke up with me as when he just did it right away.
i mean hello?
anyway, i know he wouldn't through my stuff away.
He also never called me names or anything. he just neglected me cause he had so many other things to do and i felt horrible about it cause i always missed him and actually i had to break up with him long before cause i had to find out who i am.
anyway, i want to tell him to finally send me my stuff cause i know he will be off to oman for 4 months for a job commission.
i don't want my stuff to arrive after 4 months!
cause then i want to be over him as much as possible!!!
things endet pretty normal. i was super hurt but there actually were no hard feelings. it was just that we both knew that it wasnt working out between the two of us. only that he seemed like he had already moved on in his head and i sort did so too but i always had so much hope it would all get better somehow.
so whenever i feel angry or mad at him i know that it's actually not really like that. it's just normal to feel like that sometimes, even if it's not true. i know he didn't actually want to hurt me. i know that. he did though. and he knows. and i just hope he learns from it. i have definitely....
the good thing is i can totally control myself with the nc. i feel the urge, but i simply ignore it.
i just don't do anything. i just sit there and feel it. and then i do something else. it's funny really....
the thing that is killing me the most is that i miss having somebody, a male opposite, to hug and be romantic with. and i can't keep from thinking about where I'm going to find that now. i know it's wrong and i need to detach before i can even think of being with someonee new...
but that's the hardest part for me cause i feel so lonely....

Annak you seem to be a very mature person, I know for me it was very hard to accept that things were not working out between us and that the relationship was not working. In my case he told me he loved me too like three days before the actual breakup, like you said he probably didnt stop saying it because he didnt want to hurt me, that makes sense. I feel lonely sometimes too, i hang out with my friends and family, yet that part is missing. Sometimes is tempting to rebound with someone else and then i tell myself that it wouldnt be fair for the other person or healthy for me. In my case he was so emotionally distant with me that I almost didnt miss it because he had stopped being there for me long before the break up. Unlike my ex, your ex was not a jerk, you two ended the relationship and were respectful to one another. so, why do you think he is not sending you your stuff? Anyhow, I hope you receive it asap so you can start moving on with your life. take care!

he's just super busy, which is mostly the reason why he neglected me so badly and why i was hurting so much, because i knew that he was busy but i needed someone who would put in more effort if deciding to be in a relationship.
one major problem i mentioned in my comments before is that he has a kid with another woman, and she went back to finland to raise the child there but came over once in a while so he could be with his son.
i was always very supportive but it also meant that i had to put aside my needs for his attention. so when i said i was mad at him for turning his back, i was just angry, but actually i know that he just simply had so much bigger things on his plate than our relationship. so, i think one reason why he didn't do it yet is because his ex was visiting with child for 3 weeks and generally he's always working and maybe he even thinks that it might seem disrespectful if he sent me my stuff right away like he was saying: there, it's over. i don't know, he works like that sometimes, he things he's doing a good thing but actually he's doing the wrong thing....
he is actually a good person but he doesn't really get it and he's not bothered trying to get it, that's what's making me so mad at him.
but all in all it wasn't that bad. it just wasn't meant to be, at least not right now.
but i don't have hope that someday maybe we meet again and we both have grown and get back together and then it's perfect, who knows? but for now i know, that's it, and i don't even really want him back i want someone else and to be completely honest, i was sort of imagining what it would be like to have someone who is better than him, who suits me better.
and i knew that was a bad sign for the relationship but since this was the first time i was with someone i really cared about, i didn't have the heart to break up because the mere thought of it broke my heart! weird and twisted, huh? :) it's a lesson, oh what a lesson it is, of myself: if you feel somethings wrong, open up your freakin mouth and adress it, no matter how things turn out. i mean usually we hope that things just get better without our effort, and then, when we do speak up, and we get a reaction we don't like, we're completely paralized...
so that's what I've learned from this: my inner voice WAS right, it was ALWAYS there and i did NOT just obsess and it wasn't just me, i was right, he didn't really feel it anymore and i KNEW it! I thought i was being totally paranoid but i WASN'T. OK maybe i should have chilled a bit more, i did in the end but it was too late ...
but maybe that's a good thing, now i didn't have the choice wether i wanna stay with him or not, because before he did just enough to keep me in, in the end he made it pretty easy for me....
ok i'll stop talking about myself now! gosh once you start writing you can't seem to stop... -.-

Hey Annak, yes, once we start writing there is no stopping us, which is what i like about this site! I can write and write away!! Im sure the long distance didnt help uhh? I know for me it didnt... I also felt that he was done way before he broke up w me... I thought i was being paranoid too, going through his stuff and cheking to see if he was cheating on me, questioning certain behaviors, such as his body language towards me and things like that. I felt unwanted and rejected, it hurt me alot. After he broke up with me I later found out that he was with a girl from work and that they had moved together, i was not sure though, but today i found out that yes, he is w her in a relationship. so i was not paranoid either, i knew something was up and it was... Its really sad because we had talked about marriage and all. I feel betrayed... He totally was a jerk w me when he broke up and he did it over the phone, now i know she was there w him when he spoke to me... he wanted to make a point.. So it hurts but part of me is glad that i didnt end up w a man like that. My point is.. yes intuition.. we have to listen to it more often. Take care and thanks for replying.

I have the exact same situation so totally feel for you. I just recently posted my comment below titled Lying hurts, not the truth, if you want to read.

We were from seperate countries within Europe and am likewise waiting for my stuff to arrive. We first had everything arranged but it did not work out and I am still waiting. I have been in contact -yes i admit, I have broke the no-contact rule- because of the stuff, and that makes me sad, since the stuff here is not the most important issue anyway. But it would be some kind of closure and since it is impossible for me to get them because of the distance, my mind is still focused on the break-up on some level. My situation has lasted for 2,5 months now so I have had to contact to make things move. If you only contact because of your belongings in brief writing, I think that is fine, you are entitled to get your stuff back and move on.

Lots of stregth on your journey, I so know what you are going through and send you warm hugs xxxxx

thank you so much! it is true it is very comforting to know there are other people going through the exact same thing and it makes the whole situation seem less important. it's like: hey, it's just heartbreak, it's everywhere, it's normal, it's part of life, it's ok.
i mean how many times have you seen a heartbreak from the outside and when you're not currently having a broken heart yourself, you can't really feel the pain because you think: come on get over it. right?
well i do.
or did. right now can't because i TOTALLY FEEL FOR ANYBODY HAVING A BROKEN HEART.
but it's like watching break up movies. you see it there, you feel for them, and then you hear their friends say something like "don't look for mister right, look for mister right now..." and then the other friend sais: "yea, just shake it off, you know, it's not so important"...
i mean of course it's important to do the moving on work but it's just like anything else in life, don't take it too serious and you'll feel much lighter. well it works for me anyway.
i guess i'm going to just send him 2 lines asking about my stuff. idk maybe it's also because he doesn't really want it to be official, like: "here's your stuff and now it's over" because he wanted to remain friends (OF COURSE HAHA) and said i should feel free to call him if i wanted to talk (D'UH!) and i didn't. i removed all pics on facebook, him and friends of facebook, off skype, got rid of everything and only contacted him a week after breakup saying i'd appreciate it if he could delete all delicate pics he had of me and that i did so myself ;)
the funny thing is i picture myself in the future, being this stunning, independent, self-confident and successful woman, the girl not only of his dreams but of many guys dreams (cause he used to be totally crazy about me but i got so needy and whiny when things got tought with his ex and child), and it just feels good, not because i have hope but because i picture myself in a place of power over my life and where i feel good about myself.... does that make me sound weird??

After four years I learned that "we don't fit together any more", first sentence on the phone, thousands of miles seperating us. I have realized slowly that I was kept in a lie, in false belief that I was also loved. All this suffering I feel is not because I am scared of being alone or that I have lost a person I once loved. Nothing could hurt more than the fact that he did not have person enough in himself to be honest to himself and me.

Why is there so much hiding speechlessness in this world, when at the same time you could make your life and the life of people around you easier just by telling what really is inside you? Is is fair to drag someone four years or even longer behind you just because you are a coward to say out loud what you really feel inside your heart. It sure does not go unnoticed when someone does not want to be there next to you, as if they are physically there but in their heart they are somewhere else.

Is it not better to tell the truth and make somone cry than to lie and make someone smile?

And when you do tell the truth eventually, why can't you look in the eye and let it come from your heart. I cannot think of a more ruthless way to do it than phone.

No contact for 4 days now. we have been broken up about a week and a half after a 2 and a half year relationship.

You're all about "doing whatever you want", eventually you will realize that that isn't going to make you happy forever. you broke up with me for a rediculous reason and someday i know you will miss me and come back and i hope i have the strength to tell you to piss off. we literally had 2 bad weeks and you decide you're not happy in our relationship. I gave you plenty of space to do "whatever you want" , good luck finding someone who is as laid back as i was about it... And telling me when we get back to school something could happen between us again, that's just bullshit, i cared about you and would have done anything for you. you are just too immature to realize what you had.

I feel you guys i was with my ex for almost four years then the bitch says im not feeling it anymore. After she ignored me for a few weeks then asked me for a break and to still break up with me. I did everything to try to ammend this relationship i read books, reaserched and asked friends on how to ammend my relationship. None of it worked. When a girl dosen't want you they can be really cruel. SHe broke up with me really cold heardedly. She just said i just don't want to be with you. At least i popped her cherry. Now the slut can do what she wants

we've had a great relationship, and i really appreciate what you've done. however, being a wimp and waiting for a few days while just ignoring me wasnt the way to break up with me, bitch. your reason? "i just dont feel like being in a relationship right now" and the classic "its not you, its me". well guess what? hey, im probably not going to see you much anymore. so you can be your flirty, man-hoe self and trust me. theres plenty of more fish in MY sea.

AHH omg the SAME fucking thing happened to me.. we broke up early this month and I've already gotten with guys, and found a guy I actually already like well guess what bud! I love being single!

After a year and a half of a wonderful relationship she ended it saying "I'm not feeling it anymore". Your not feeling it anymore? after a year and a half its over? just like that? and through the phone? I saw you for 7 hours that day. Then not believing me when I was telling the truth? I wasnt lying! At least you had the decency to bring my stuff today and tell me to my face that after a week of breaking up your already seeing another guy. Well I hope he knows how lucky he is to have you, because I sure did. I treated you like a princess, always holding doors open, complimenting you, and what do I get? a stab to the heart, not to mention your friends not even wanting to talk to me. I don't know how you can go from loving me with all your heart like you said, to leave me alone I never want to talk to you again. Well I hope you have a nice life, because I won't be waiting around for you to come back too.

not all girls are like that, trust me. don't be discouraged you will find someone who will treat you as well as you treated her.

My ex said the same exact thing to mean when she ended it over the phone as well. Funny how someone can spend 2 years telling you they love you to your face and all of sudden "I'm not feeling it anymore". Much like your situtation I discovered there was in fact another guy invovled. Live and learn my friends, don't let the things you can't control; control you.

i have alot to say.... but better keep shut for now... well ill definitely post here someday when ill get over all this... its just simply killing me right here... :'(
by d way a very nice nice n really healing place.. ive read posts n it really help me to encourage me for better me.. :) hope to get over soon... :)

I feel the angry because you went of another girl as i am still in loved with you and I thought you felt the same way too. I feel angry because that is even a match made case but someone you know and wanted to know her better, and it has been just two months we stopped talking. You told me you mourned enough and you forgot what you told me about how special we were and you love the most and you would never be in loved like this anymore. and see what you said yesterday - "our relationship and feeling were just confined during our time, not anymore." I cannot understand why ? I thought you were special but the same old broke up speech a typical man gave to a broken ex. You found an excuse to let yourself to move on and catch up with this girl that would be special to you, just two months and you said you are the same person, so am I the idiot? I waited and gave myself hope and just not miss any chance in case that is. Yes this is what I get, heart breaking but at least I know you are just an ordinary man, and yes I feel extremely hurt and angry - i recognize this pain that you gave me and I will grow stronger one day. You should feel small when you see me - you should ashamed of exaggerating your love vision and I know why all your ex didnt get along with you - because you came to us with expectation and that is passive. I dont want to hate you and even resent you - I want to heal and be strong again, i learn a lesson that i had idolized you too much. I will recognize my anger, sorrow and sadness until they go away one day. And i know you dont even care how I am now, how much I feel and as you said - You are not in love with me anymore. I will accept that and you would regret one day that you miss me - this woman who love you so much and had contributed so much to you - god knows when ...but one day you will miss my kiss and hugs, even though you would not admit but I know deep down inside you are just an ordinary man and you will know. I will mourn properly and make sure I will be able to love again. Good luck to you

They really never stop. My ex constantly speaks about how I have "treated" him badly by ignoring his feelings and he's the victim!! WOW!!, I walked away from the relationship so that makes me the wicked person, it doesnt matter that he has cheated on me with more than one woman, one affair going for 4yrs straight, yet I am the wicked one who doesnt care about his feelings and how much he has gone through. WOW!! it still hurts but its becoming almost comical how he turns everything around to make it my fault even though all I am doing is trying to move forward and respect him and his new girls by staying the hell away from them all. He continues to show whatever interest even though I have done nothing but ignore, so my big question is - why cant he just stop and focus all his attention on his "friends", its because he has all the power when he has us all in his game.I have opted not to be part of the game but he still tries his thing now and again. He'll stop eventually because of frustration but until then even though it pains my heart(because I still care about him somewhat) I will not give him the time of day, THAT WILL ONLY LEAD TO CONTINUOUS HURT AND PAIN. I have given what is really needed already which is forgiveness and I have accepted the wrongs I have done also and asked for his forgiveness as well. That's it. I owe him NOTHING and neither does he me ANYTHING.