Photo by Jennifer Krug
Healing a broken heart from a lost love seems to be the most challenging endeavor that anyone could imagine. A break up usually starts with a period of paralyzing shock, turning into helplessness and deep grief. It appears impossible to ever be happy again. Wouldn’t it be good if there was a secret showing how to get over a break up?
What if I told you that a break up or divorce can actually be looked at as a very good chance for you? Your opportunity? Look into the abyss and see who you really are! Do you believe this?
Well, I for one, do believe. Because it happened to me and I experienced it myself.
“You don’t know what love is
Until you’ve learned the meaning of the blues
Until you’ve loved a love you’ve had to lose
You don’t know what love is”–Chet Baker
My own break up in 1998 was, on the one hand, the most terrible and painful incident that ever happened to me. On the other hand, the very best that happened to me. Sounds pretty paradoxical, huh?
For now, I would like to ask you just to take my word for it and read on, you will come to understand why.
The secret of how to heal a broken heart didn’t come to me just like that, nor have I read about it in a book or the like. As I have written on my about-me-page, I’ve had a break up coach. Not a professional one – just a very distant relative, who apparently called me out of the blue. (Today I know that it was no coincidence at all). He then introduced me to the two main concepts showing how to heal a broken heart.
He had been through a terrible divorce himself, as well as dealing with some other terrible things in his life. The measures he took, the thinking he developed, literally saved his life.
Isn’t it strange that each and every one of us has had, or will have, a certain point in our lives where we find ourselves standing at a crossroads? Ok, maybe not that strange – that’s how life works. Interesting though, is why some take the way to the right and some choose to go to the left. Some recover very quickly from their break up or divorce, and have grown from that experience. Others take many, many years to recover, and after that they are not the person they used to be, (usually in a negative way).
By the time I finally met with him, I had six terrible months behind me, full of self pity, tortuous pain, loneliness and infinite grief. I was past the first painful phase of a break up, but not yet ready to move on, to make the vital step towards healing.
At first I didn’t want to meet him, I didn’t want to meet anybody. But he insisted. This was my chance.
We met in a coffeehouse, and I’ll never forget what happened. He had heard what happened to me from other people, and after some chitchat, the first question he asked me literally blew me away.
He asked me: “Why do you think that SHE is responsible for your happiness?”
And this was it. So simple.
In my eyes, it was her that I needed so badly in my life to be happy, to feel valuable. I held on to her to have a purpose, a meaning. I wasn’t happy on my own. It was she who made me go on, enduring myself. I absolutely didn’t love myself.
Of course I couldn’t think rationally at that time. But it was him who did the thinking for me.
He then explained his concept on how to get over a break up, how to lead a happy and fulfilling life, and how to develop a stable personality. Healing a broken heart was just a side effect of his concept.
Extreme suffering during a break up is always a sign that your mindset towards life and yourself is not correct.
The main two pillars of a stable personality, and therefore the main premise for a happy life, so he told me, are:
1. Complete and unconditional self-love
2. A very personal purpose in life
Wow, that made an impression on me.
Does this make sense to you? It took me some time to get it.
Only if you love yourself completely and unconditionally, and this means to accept the way you are, with all your weaknesses and strengths, can you also love others. If not, everything you do is looking for approval from others. You will be looking for their light, instead of using yours.
There are quite a few methods to work on self love. Some have been discussed here and some will be discussed in future articles. They all have in common that you must take a closer look into yourself and accept what you see. Finding your inner child, and using affirmations, are both very good ways to increase your self love.
The second very important secret is finding your purpose in life and pursuing it with all your heart.
What’s your purpose in life? Well, that’s the tricky part. I can’t help you much with that – that is something you have to figure out by yourself. I can only give you some tips on how to find it. There are some good books on that matter.
Deepak Chopra wrote in his book The Seven Spiritual Laws Of Success that your very purpose in life is your unique and very special talent. We have taken manifestation in physical form to fulfill this purpose. He calls it “Dharma”. Something, when you picture yourself doing it, your heart lightens up and you feel a warm feeling of happiness.
When you combine your life purpose with service to humanity, then you make full use of the Law of Dharma.
I second that.
Find something you love and are passionate about. Try to help other people with your talent and then simply be the best at it! There is no greater fulfillment than finding your life purpose and serving others.
Then you will not only have your blueprint for a happy life, you will eventually realize that you have gotten over your break up or divorce along the way.
If you are suffering through a break up or divorce right now, I sincerely wish for you to find your path, and come to a higher understanding of your true Self. Only then will you be ready to find the partner you deserve.
This is a small but vital fraction of the healing process. There are more things to consider, especially in the first phases directly after a break up or divorce.
Your friend,
Eddie Corbano
This amazing report and newsletter will teach you how to break your Ex-Addiction and finally live the life you deserve.
Reading these posts has been so helpful.
I am 42 years old, male, and it has been 30 days exactly since my ex-girlfriend and I broke up. She is 40. It has been pure hell and torture, especially the first few weeks…I still go through hours where I just dwell on her even though my mental health counselor told me that it is the same thing as eating poison…I still do it. I need to stop myself from doing this!
I am a marathon runner, so getting out to exercise by running helps a lot. I recommend physical activity for anyone who is stuck like that.
Also, spending time with my family has been great. I never saw much of them (parents, brothers, sister, neice, nephew) while I was with my ex-girlfriend but now I see them every day.
Most of all, more time spent with my son. I have realized that he is everything, he is 8 years old, and I should have been focusing more on him anyway.
For people who may not have children or family…there are always friends. I spent much time talking with my friends. I never could when with my ex-girlfriend because she was so jealous, especially of women. It helps a lot to know that you have friends you can count on out there.
Getting in to see a counselor has helped so much! I make two vists every week, for the past four weeks. I could not have done as well as I have without the assistance and guidance of my counselor. Even though it still feels at times that I am falling apart, I do know that I am getting stronger and stronger, letting go of her every day more and more.
It is tough because we lived together. I immediately got a great new apartment. Also, I spend much time focusing on my spirituality, which I had neglected because she is not spiritual at all. That has helped so much too.
What has helped the most, however, is no contact at all with her. She tried calling me 10 days in, but I just hung up. She took to contacting my friends, crying, saying that she still feels for me, etc etc. It was wise for me not to fall into the trap of responding to her. Because what happened was 100% her fault and she is feeling very guilty. I am told that she looks terrible. Drinking, smoking, unkempt appearance, etc.
She also has contacted my mother. But my mother knows what she did to me, and wants nothing at all to do with her. My mother was not rude or disrespectful to her, but she did not take her up on her offer to go out for coffee. Thanks mom!
I still love her though, and always will. I have been in several “heavy” relationships including a marriage in my life. I would have to say that I had never loved anyone as much as I had loved this woman. We were going to be married. But it was just all wrong in many ways.
At the start of the 30 days, I felt very confused. I really hated her for what she did. It had nothing to do with cheating. Let’s just say that she betrayed me to such an extent that I can never trust her ever again. Let’s just say that she is a dangerous person and wants to hurt me.
I felt very bitter at the beginning, but it was confusing because at the same time I knew that I loved her still and would have taken her back at any second…then I realized that she is not the type of person who necessarily knows what love is. I was equally to blame though, because I did everything for her and constantly looked to her to fulfill my sense of identity. We basically were doing the same things to each other; choking each other out…it was not healthy.
Around the third week (last week), I could start to feel things shifting a little. I began to be able to stop thinking about her so much. I cannot lie and say that I was able to stop thinking about her altogether…I still do so very much. I still love her! But the world did shift last week. I could sense something in me change, like I knew it is only a matter of time before I will be able to heal and move on.
I still love her so much. I loved the good times that we shared together. But we were wrong from the very beginning. She has a lot of past issues that she could not avoid bringing into our relationship. But I cannot blame her fully, as I have stated. I should have been smart enough to not only realize this early on (which I DID, but did nothing about it), but I also should have made the decision to break up with her at that early stage.
The sexual relationship was one of the things that made us so great together. It was the most intense and powerful I have ever had. I still find myself thinking sometimes that I will never find anyone who wants to share time, to love me, to be with me, to live with me, to share life with me, as much as this woman wanted (wants?) to. It is so difficult to stop looping into those thoughts once they start. Because it is true: I have never in my life met anyone who loved me and wanted to be with me so much.
But was it really love from her? She was insanely jealous…to the point of violence. I never did anything to indicate that I was remotely interested in anyone else though. I always told her that she would be the only person for me, that she fulfilled my every need and desire and that I would love her forever and into our old age days. This was never enough for her though.
I am not sure if she really understands love. Love to me, is something that you cherish and protect, and nurture and want to make sure is safe so that nothing bad will ever happen to it. I cannot see how abuse and violence fits in with any of that.
From what I have heard from my friends and my mother, she is thinking of getting back with me. She had to leave town 10 days ago, I guess living in our old place was getting to her. She did tell my friends that she hates it in there and wants to move out. I don’t know when she is going to come back to town. It is very good that she is gone. Hopefully she is doing some healing of her own. She never has, to my knowledge. If she comes back and still tries to contact me, she will still discover that we are in two very different places: I am moving on, and she is still stuck in the unhealthy place.
I do not want to sound resentful towards her. But the fact is, she did things that she knows are her own fault. She has been feeling guilt and remorse as a result. She knows that she was wrong. She knows what she did. I have never felt so betrayed or hurt. How can I ever take her back? To do so would be ridiculous. It would be like eating poison again.
I hate smokers and smoking…my counselor compared my feelings for her to smoking. An addiction. I am addicted to loving her even though I know that it is poison and can kill me, just like smoking can. I should be quitting her, just as I quit smoking 10 years ago.
People, you can and will move on! Even though you cry and think and loop in your mind…and think that this person was the only one, “the one,” your soul mate, you cannot stop thinking about the good times with them, you minimize the bad times and think that you can get back together and get around them, etc etc. Dangerous thinking for your mind. Don’t do it!
I am very bad for looping like that. In the past 30 days, I had to gradually wean myself off of that kind of thinking. I still do it though. I drive around town and still see her vehicle, but of course it is not hers…same make and model though. I still smell her, see her, taste her, hear her voice…bad thinking! I even still look at all of the pictures that I took of her on my camera phone once in a while. Bad!
But I am getting more and more control over these bouts of grief and despair and heartbreak. It has taken so long though. 30 days! I can’t wait to see how I am after another 30 days.
This person has touched my life in ways that it seems nobody else ever will be able to. That is how it feels. It is hard to move on. She is still living in my mind. I still love her and it feels as if I always will. Maybe I will. But we were wrong for each other. Miss Right will come along one day.
ABsolutely true Bro, been there as well its a year now after 9yrs and a 3 yr old
This is absolutely a mirror of my relationship…its been 30 days for me. We met when she was only three months out of a 10 year marriage to a man 20 years her senior! He mentally and emotionally abused her for that time and she was still in love with him…using me in an attempt to get over him…the red flags were abundant…however I failed to listen.
I do the same thing…we didn’t live together, however we bought each other tons of things. Ive absolutely no contact with this woman, and our mutual friends respect us enough not to choose sides or let us know how the other is doing.
My spirituality has increased a ton! I’m active, prayerful and have even met a very nice woman from church…however I’m not going to start anything serious with her as of yet…we communicate well and enjoy each others companionship.
All I can say is do not fall back into the poison…no one is worth your happiness. I heard a great quote…”Hurt People, hurt people”
~Peace
I’ve been reading everyones posts and let me tell you i understand what everyone is feeling. I have had numerous opinions about my situation and its not like any of yours from what i was reading. So here is goes…
I have been in some stupid relationships and some that were so bad i thought i’d never make it through with the abuse and cheating. I am 27 and my exboyfriend is 36. We both worked at the same police department as patrol officers(i know dont date anyone you work with, i don’t listen). We worked together for 2 1/2 years without talking to eachother because we worked opposite shifts. When we finally did talk it was because he was working overtime on my shift. He was still married when he began to tell me about his broken heart and how he was treated in the 1 year marriage with her. We talked about all the things we both wanted in life. He has two children from a previous marriage. His recent wife hated his children, that bothered me a lot. Well he filed for divorce and we began to date. We met eachothers families, i met his children everything seemed perfect until he called me one day telling me he recieved an email from her and hewas havign second thoughts about the divorce. I fell apart, i couldn’t believe it. So i pushed through all the pain and hurt, daying i understood. The truth is i didn’t understand. He was so unhappy but is going back? Well 8 days passed and of the 8th day i recieved a phone call from him upset and crying that he hurt me and he wanted to make things work. Well i thought about it and realized we all make mistakes and if it took him going back to realize why he left in the first place, well i was willign to try one more time. So a month went by Christmas new Years spending time with eachothers families. (everyone at work was happy we were together, they saw both of us finally happy). Well i made a pistake by constantly bring up him leaving me again and it caused friction between us a lot because i was feeling a little insecure with questions about us. Well he assured me he wasnt goign anywhere. We began to look at houses and he even told his children we were goign to get a house. His children and i get along great. The week before my birthday he was distant and not acting himself. 2 days before my bday he called me and told me he cant do this anymore and he still loves his wife and he needs to try one more time with her because the feelings just won’t go away. I was pissed, hurt and confused. I tried to back off but i had so many questions about WHY. She had a boyfriend livign at a house he was paying for, he moved out when he filed. He said he wasn’t movign back in and wasn’t bringing his children around her until he saw she changed. She has cheated, hit him and made fun of him for having cancer. I stood by him as a bandaid i suppose. Being mad i ahve realized doesn’t stop the pain.
So here i am 5 days without contact and i have my days where i swear im fed up and done, then the days like today nothing seems to make me see the light. My friends even co-workers tell me i deserve better but wait, i dont’ want anyone else. I want to make it work with this man who has a piece of my heart.
I am currently seeing a therapist because in the same month he went back to her, i was laid off. The only good thing is i don’t have to see him.
I guess im writing this to vent and maybe a little advice. I am sure i’ve heard it all from friend but maybe an outside unbiased opinion might help.
I miss him a lot and would like to make things work one day but what if those “feelings” come back again? His court date is in 2 1/2 weeks. We were together for 4 months. Not long but hey when ya click, ya click.
Thanks for reading…
Best of wishes to you all!
Best wishes to you as well- There’s no pain like a broken heart. I noticed your post is a year old now; how have things progressed? Get stronger over time? How are you doing these days?
About 4 days ago,
I got my heart broken
shattered,
torn too pieces !
i cant get him outta my mind,
he always told me he loved me,
then 2 days after the break up, he had a new girlfriend ALREADY !
tell me how that works ?
it doesn’t,
Ive tried everything too get him back, but he just doesnt care anymore,
i cry everyday because of him,
i cant go too school knowing I’ll cry during classes,
its soo hard for me,
and no one is there for me,
He originally left the country for a 6 months internship. I was so excited for him. Planning to come back at the end. After knowing he wanted to stay there for work, I applied for the same city. He was the best boyfriend, I thought I had everything I ever wanted in my arms. Everything was great for the first 3, talking about the jobs, what we would do in the futre, before I realized what was happening, he called less and less. I got a job offer in that city at Christmas. He stopped calling. Knowing that you shouldn’t force a relationship on, but stupidly, I had to know why and what happened. I though I needed that big stamp of decline to move on. He said he’s sorry, but he has changed. That was the last I’ve heard. He left everything. 4 years. Years of majoring in Psychology went straight out the window. I feel lost. I feel hurt. But I’m waiting for the day I can look back onto this post, no more tears, smiling, encouraging others becuase my heart has healed.
Hi,
I’m so sorry to hear that, my heart goes out to you.
Hang in there, if you think that you can go on just post here.
Eddie
every one has inspired me, what a great web site
Hwzit buddy
Kidron Southern africa age 31 have a 3 yr old was in a relationship for 9yrs before she had an affair. it gets better keep in contact kidronr@worgroup.co.za
I guess I was doomed from the beginning. We both were in the initial stages of divorce and we found comfort and strength in each other. I never worked on the reasons I stood so long in the marriage and never really got past my self defeating characteristics. I guess the same stood for in her divorce.
There were many red flags that I chose to deny or minimize in her history. Particularly that she went from relationship to relationship. I was okay as long as I HAD HER. She broke up with a boyfriend after she met me.
We were together for 7 years and had 4 breakups during that run. Each lasted about 2-3 weeks, but she always came back. During one of the breakups she hooked up on eHarmony and told the guy she loved him after 3 weeks. I let it go because the guy was out of state. This last and final breakup is torturous because she announced that she decided to date and move on (via text message). That coming from a 43 year old woman.
As I look back, I see signs that it was really over a couple of years ago. I bought an engagement ring but never gave it to her because my gut told me that I couldn’t marry her. The incident In particular was when we had an argument and she put her hands around my neck and choked me. I forgave her and minimized it by saying you really didn’t mean to hurt me, you were just frustrated.
My divorce cost me plenty and honestly I also knew that the road to financial recovery was going to be a long one. I expected that she could hang with me on this. Obviously she couldn’t. She did email me a couple of months before the break up to tell me she could no longer rely on me financially.
This is where my frustration and sadness lie. Was that what it was all about? Was I okay when I wasn’t so financially strapped?
I gave her plenty when things were good. So she lands the big job, her daughter inherits a nice chunk after her father dies, and wham! She has financial security!
She truly is a person who has some great qualities but I was so busy with the notion of being loved by her that I lost sight of who I was. Yes, I have relied on her to keep me happy because I was truly in love with her at my own expense. I would do whatever I could, just to keep her happy. I was willing to live with her bipolar condition (that she blamed me for), her rage, her financial shortcomings, her changing direction day in and day out (drove me mad but I would agree). I was willing to take it all on really knowing it was overwhelming and that it was a ton of stuff that couldn’t be handled in a lifetime.
Here is the crazy part. I feel so bad that I couldn’t so I lost her.
Greg:
I’m a bit younger than you and your woman but find myself in nearly the identical situation- even on down to buying the engagement ring and never giving it to her to her bipolar disorder/ penchant for blaming me for her problems, relying upon me financially. God do I ever know the pain you are talking about. It didn’t really smash me into little tiny fragments until she moved on and got herself a new guy.
The quote of yours that I simply cannot have said better is this: I was okay as long as I HAD HER. For what it’s worth man, someone else in this world knows EXACTLY what you’re feeling.
3 years with my, now, ex boyfriend. And, he broke it off yesterday by telling me that it is, indeed, my fault that other guys like me. And, I’m not worth fighting for.
Hmmm. Chey…….thats interesting.
You should try the Love Adverstisment. Costs are stated in the advertisment. Very nominal cost for the services
Sorry to hear that Chey, Stay strong, it is his fault that he wont fight for you, but it sounds like there is no fight, insecure is no way to live.. Keep your head held high Chey….
I am 36 years old and it has been 2 weeks since my ex girlfriend broke it off with me. We have been dating for 8 years and about 4 years ago she broke up with me saying she doesn’t know what I want in this relationship. As in many relationships we had a lot of misunderstandings between us. She questioned me if I wanted to get married but she told me she needed to take care of her parents first before she can move on. I totally understood it cuz her parents are important. I said I would wait til she was done with what she wanted to do before we moved on. She took my hesitation as a sign I didn’t want to marry her or have plans. I was secretly going to pop her the question 2 months later but an argument caused her to want to break it off. I begged and pleaded for her to not leave me and told her I was going to ask her to marry me. She refused and said she needed time. I was devastated and haven’t heard from her 8 months. In my moment of weakness I texted her on my trip to California and told her I wished she was with me. When I came back she asked me to dinner and a movie. At this time I was coming to terms she wasn’t coming back so I thought it was a simple get together. After the movie she asked me if I moved on…I said a little bit. She said she still loved me and asked to take her back…I said yes but I may have said it because it was what I dreamed of for 8 months. The last 4 years since she came back has been ups and downs….it wasn’t the same relationship before our breakup. Lots of resentment and jealousy. She said I wasn’t in love with her even though i did everything for her. I’m not totally innocent in this and I know I caused a lot of our fights. I was so scarred from our last breakup I became cold when I smell an argument causing me to say I’m leaving though I don’t mean it. We had a huge argument a month ago in which she accused me of cheating even though I didnt do anything at all and when I said I was leaving I didn’t call her for 1 day. When I called to say I’m sorry she said she feels dead inside but she took me back. We made plans to get married and find a house right after. She was so happy we were moving on. 2 weeks ago I picked her up from work and she was silent. I asked what was wrong. She said she wanted a break and wanted to be alone. I asked why and what did I do wrong? She brought up everything I have done to make her unhappy. I was shocked…she said she loved me no matter what and asked me if there is anything she can do to help me and all I asked from her is patience. I argued with her and told her why she was doing this to me and she said she doesn’t feel anything for me anymore. I was shocked, angered and hurt. I begged her I loved her and not to go…she left the truck. I left her alone for a day so I called her and begged her I would do anything for her to come back….she said for me to move on and kept putting words in my mouth. She hung up on me and I was left on my own…I started to do things on my own even though I hurt inside but I started to feel better…..until I texted her in my moment of weakness and told her I still loved her. She texted back she wants to be alone and she feels nothing…I should move on. I told her I would do anything if she took me back. She said no…I told her I would leave her alone. Its been1 day and it feels like I’ve been gutted and left for dead…I walk around in a daze at work. I have no friends and my brothers are far away. Sorry for the long story but it feels therapeutic to write this out with tears in my eyes. Seeing the many posts here makes me feel I’m not alone in this and hoping to hear any advice from you guys…thank you for listening!
Keep your head up brother, I know how you feel and I have been through it more than once and it sucks. But you must keep kicking and working on yourself. Friends will only give you bad advice so i stopped going to friends. I still think of Mary all the time, but I know if it was truely meant to be we would be. Sometimes i will run into her and will just say hi, we are actually friends now, we may not talk as much as we used to but we do communicate and that means a lot to me. What I am trying to say is build a friendship with her and let her know that is important to you and you will see results, believe me. Don’t talk relationship with her, talk friendship, let her know if she would like to hang out sometime as just friends that you would like that… Then you will see what happens…
Good Luck
Rick
Thank you Rick…I will keep your advice to heart and hope it will help me in my recovery!
So far it’s been a week since I last contacted her and I’m feeling a little better. I still think about her constantly but the ache in my chest is very slowly going away. Keeping busy and doing things that I want to do is helping a lot. I’ll keep posting my road to recovery so when I look back I can see how far I’ve gone.
That’s good Mpac, you will start to feel better and better each and every day from this day forward. Soon you will be smiling more and the thought of her will begin to diminish. Be careful however just when you think you are over her, that’s when she will pop up again, via text or a call. Be careful not to spill your beans on how much you like and think of her. It is best to just be upbeat and say things like hey how are you doing? Nice to hear from you, keep it short and simple. You can do this!
So far 2 weeks have gone by and I’m still surviving. What was once a pain in my heart now is a dull ache. Don’t get me wrong I’m still feeling a little low but I know that if I keep the nc rule and keeping busy I will get through this. I’m so glad I’ve found this website and reading everyone else’s road to recovery…I hope someday I can give my own advice on getting over a broken heart! God bless you all!
3 weeks have come and gone and the dull ache is still there. I don’t think about her as much as I do but she still invades my thoughts when I’m driving home or when I’m able to sleep. My heart would pound until I realize she’s gone then I would slowly accept it and kinda move on. I’d like to say that I’m improving but there are days when I feel it’s hard to move on….wish me luck on week 4!
How are you getting on?
My partner of 15 years says he’s still in love with me but ended our relationship to pursue a romantic interest he developed with a coworker. I love him and really wanted to spend my life with him, I’m devastated and heartbroken. He was my best friend and provided the best advice and support. How do I go on without my best friend? how do I reconcile the fact that he decided to love someone else, even though we still dearly love eachother? I’m so dissapointed in his choices. I hope to be happy and at peace sooner than later
Dear Scyoc, sorry to hear that things are not going well for you. Please keep in mind that things will get better over time, but in the mean time stay busy and try and keep your thoughts positive. I hope things get better for you.
As far as i know, my bf really does luv me alot..But , why is it that he breaks my heart every couple of hours in some or the other way , for some or the other reason..He consoles me every night for having breakng my heart.I do listen to him and forget everythng.But, again the same mishap, occurs..It really hurts..I have been tolerating so much..But nw, i feel like i’m totally broken and i cant take it.So, from yesterday, he has been calling me again and again, texting me alot, but i m not at all respondng . I am really in a very confused and worried situation..I really need your help..plz , help me out..U r an experienced elderly aged person..I am sure u can help out with ur advices..
WOW thank you u are an inspiration
We been married for 26 years, had 3 grown up children, 18 the boy, 22 and 24 the girls, both girls are now mothers them selves, been living in australia for the last 26 years…..we have 2 beautiful grand children, the whole world is our family, my current wife, who know for a long, has been in virtual relationship with an old teeneger flame when she was 14, for a year they have been communicating and speaking on the phone, a year that she has been leaving a double life, when I asked to clarfy email and facebook conversation, I was told, Is all my insecurities, that was an old friend, that he was miles away, I stated cleary that I was not carzy and for respect to our married life to refrain from talking to him…however did not stop….
After our trip to chile where we origianly come from, was a test for our reationship, altough I was not comfortable to be in the same place /city where he was I was the better man by being educated and maintained my composure, I was reassured over there that was all good that nothing did happen…on our way back I asked her whether our lifes would ever be able to be as we were before, being caring, listening, communicating, as we used to do, only to be answered YES we will……
I just love her unconditional, I did anything for her, we supported eachother when she has been unwell and sick, when she cheated dead several times,, she bears the scars of her battles and we all were there for her….
A week after our return, I believe was premeditated and nobody can change my mind, I read another conversation within her and the other man …saying to eachother that “I love you too”
she said that She was in love with another man for a year, and with me for the last 26 years and was confuse…..that all within us was over, that she love me for being the father of our children, that she liked me as a friend,
that this man was offering a new life of love (?) a house that thier plan was for her to live with im, then comeback, get the divorce, get back overthere, married him, then come back to australia, and bring him back to live here….all this has been planned for a year or so and I and my children are left with bleeding hearts….
that she was leaving everything to see if the supose love for the other old flame may be possible, leaving her profession, a good nurse, a home full of love, her daughters that needs her mother, love hugs and kisses, guidance in their new stage of their life, our son that just turned 18 a man who is very sensitive, emotinally unstable, as her words for the children ” I gave you life and now that you are adults do not need me any way, you have your partners and are set for live” and “I am selfish and I do not care anymore”
That was up to me to face family and friends for the decision, to leave did not care about anything else but try to see if could found the love of her life and if does not work then comeback and try to salvage something of their children and if not disappear for the rest of their life…..
that was her no me or the family, that needed to search in herself that missing love, that she had issues with her self esteem and image, (She is an average woman, no weight issues or deformities) I was aware and offered, suggested encouraged, promoted ANYTHING and everything that could have done the almost impssible but ended in deaf ears…..
When a role of a mother start or end? where is that book that a mother says from now on you are on your own and good luck
She says that I, as her husband, did not nothing wrong, that I was perfect, she does not deserve me as “any other man would have left me beacuse the way I am” that she needs to found herslef, WHERE, WHY, what happen with all that communication we have, when we talked about everything, anything about us and our lives, what we planed for the future, what I liked, not liked about her what made me happy, sad, her strenghts weakness, etc etc…
I am make my own call, if I did not love , care treassure,or wanted to be with her I would I say so,…..I valued her than my own life, I did almost everything
all friends and familiy knows who I am, how I am , my values about family, communication, listening to others, I was able to read her like the back of my hand, at all times…Where did I went wrong, I never took her for granted, I always asked about her anything or what I could have done better, we never went to bed upset we always talked,
My children hate her, are sad, fell betrayed, sad as new mothers they need their mum, and the sadest part is that for them their mother is now dead, died the day she told them….I am picking up the pieces, recomforting them, I try to heal their heart, but I know that will never be able to do it…..my son crys with me, and is unsure about himslef now, we did not and never thought that we were be part of the statistics “separated/divorced”…my children that had an image of their mother of outstanding values morals , caring and understanding people’s feelings, now are disappointed…..once she leaves they do not want to know anything about her for the rest of their lifes
One day either I or she will understand, I will continue my life with the love of my children, grand children, friends and my family I have peace and tranquility, a clear conciouss and clean heart and eventually will found a new person in my life, however it is hell in earth but I will get there…..thank you for you time
We been married for 26 years, had 3 grown up children, 18 the boy, 22 and 24 the girls, both girls are now mothers them selves, been living in australia for the last 26 years…..we have 2 beautiful grand children, the whole world is our family, my current wife, who know for a long, has been in virtual relationship with an old teeneger flame when she was 14, for a year they have been communicating and speaking on the phone, a year that she has been leaving a double life, when I asked to clarfy email and facebook conversation, I was told, Is all my insecurities, that was an old friend, that he was miles away, I stated cleary that I was not carzy and for respect to our married life to refrain from talking to him…however did not stop….
After our trip to chile where we origianly come from, was a test for our reationship, altough I was not comfortable to be in the same place /city where he was I was the better man by being educated and maintained my composure, I was reassured over there that was all good that nothing did happen…on our way back I asked her whether our lifes would ever be able to be as we were before, being caring, listening, communicating, as we used to do, only to be answered YES we will……
I just love her unconditional, I did anything for her, we supported eachother when she has been unwell and sick, when she cheated dead several times,, she bears the scars of her battles and we all were there for her….
A week after our return, I believe was premeditated and nobody can change my mind, I read another conversation within her and the other man …saying to eachother that “I love you too”
she said that She was in love with another man for a year, and with me for the last 26 years and was confuse…..that all within us was over, that she love me for being the father of our children, that she liked me as a friend,
that this man was offering a new life of love (?) a house that thier plan was for her to live with im, then comeback, get the divorce, get back overthere, married him, then come back to australia, and bring him back to live here….all this has been planned for a year or so and I and my children are left with bleeding hearts….
that she was leaving everything to see if the supose love for the other old flame may be possible, leaving her profession, a good nurse, a home full of love, her daughters that needs her mother, love hugs and kisses, guidance in their new stage of their life, our son that just turned 18 a man who is very sensitive, emotinally unstable, as her words for the children ” I gave you life and now that you are adults do not need me any way, you have your partners and are set for live” and “I am selfish and I do not care anymore”
That was up to me to face family and friends for the decision, to leave did not care about anything else but try to see if could found the love of her life and if does not work then comeback and try to salvage something of their children and if not disappear for the rest of their life…..
that was her no me or the family, that needed to search in herself that missing love, that she had issues with her self esteem and image, (She is an average woman, no weight issues or deformities) I was aware and offered, suggested encouraged, promoted ANYTHING and everything that could have done the almost impssible but ended in deaf ears…..
When a role of a mother start or end? where is that book that a mother says from now on you are on your own and good luck
She says that I, as her husband, did not nothing wrong, that I was perfect, she does not deserve me as “any other man would have left me beacuse the way I am” that she needs to found herslef, WHERE, WHY, what happen with all that communication we have, when we talked about everything, anything about us and our lives, what we planed for the future, what I liked, not liked about her what made me happy, sad, her strenghts weakness, etc etc…
I am make my own call, if I did not love , care treassure,or wanted to be with her I would I say so,…..I valued her than my own life, I did almost everything
all friends and familiy knows who I am, how I am , my values about family, communication, listening to others, I was able to read her like the back of my hand, at all times…Where did I went wrong, I never took her for granted, I always asked about her anything or what I could have done better, we never went to bed upset we always talked,
My children hate her, are sad, fell betrayed, sad as new mothers they need their mum, and the sadest part is that for them their mother is now dead, died the day she told them….I am picking up the pieces, recomforting them, I try to heal their heart, but I know that will never be able to do it…..my son crys with me, and is unsure about himslef now, we did not and never thought that we were be part of the statistics “separated/divorced”…my children that had an image of their mother of outstanding values morals , caring and understanding people’s feelings, now are disappointed…..once she leaves they do not want to know anything about her for the rest of their lifes
One day either I or she will understand, I will continue my life with the love of my children, grand children, friends and my family, I have peace and tranquility, a clear conciouss and clean heart and eventually will found a new person in my life, however it is hell in earth but I will get there…..thank you for you time
We been married for 26 years, had 3 grown up children, 18 the boy, 22 and 24 the girls, both girls are now mothers them selves, been living in australia for the last 26 years…..we have 2 beautiful grand children, the whole world is our family, my current wife, who know for a long, has been in virtual relationship with an old teeneger flame when she was 14, for a year they have been communicating and speaking on the phone, a year that she has been leaving a double life, when I asked to clarfy email and facebook conversation, I was told, Is all my insecurities, that was an old friend, that he was miles away, I stated cleary that I was not carzy and for respect to our married life to refrain from talking to him…however did not stop….
After our trip to chile where we origianly come from, was a test for our reationship, altough I was not comfortable to be in the same place /city where he was I was the better man by being educated and maintained my composure, I was reassured over there that was all good that nothing did happen…on our way back I asked her whether our lifes would ever be able to be as we were before, being caring, listening, communicating, as we used to do, only to be answered YES we will……
I just love her unconditional, I did anything for her, we supported eachother when she has been unwell and sick, when she cheated dead several times,, she bears the scars of her battles and we all were there for her….
A week after our return, I believe was premeditated and nobody can change my mind, I read another conversation within her and the other man …saying to eachother that “I love you too”
she said that She was in love with another man for a year, and with me for the last 26 years and was confuse…..that all within us was over, that she love me for being the father of our children, that she liked me as a friend,
that this man was offering a new life of love (?) a house that thier plan was for her to live with im, then comeback, get the divorce, get back overthere, married him, then come back to australia, and bring him back to live here….all this has been planned for a year or so and I and my children are left with bleeding hearts….
that she was leaving everything to see if the supose love for the other old flame may be possible, leaving her profession, a good nurse, a home full of love, her daughters that needs her mother, love hugs and kisses, guidance in their new stage of their life, our son that just turned 18 a man who is very sensitive, emotinally unstable, as her words for the children ” I gave you life and now that you are adults do not need me any way, you have your partners and are set for live” and “I am selfish and I do not care anymore”
That was up to me to face family and friends for the decision, to leave did not care about anything else but try to see if could found the love of her life and if does not work then comeback and try to salvage something of their children and if not disappear for the rest of their life…..
that was her no me or the family, that needed to search in herself that missing love, that she had issues with her self esteem and image, (She is an average woman, no weight issues or deformities) I was aware and offered, suggested encouraged, promoted ANYTHING and everything that could have done the almost impssible but ended in deaf ears…..
When a role of a mother start or end? where is that book that a mother says from now on you are on your own and good luck
She says that I, as her husband, did not nothing wrong, that I was perfect, she does not deserve me as “any other man would have left me beacuse the way I am” that she needs to found herslef, WHERE, WHY, what happen with all that communication we have, when we talked about everything, anything about us and our lives, what we planed for the future, what I liked, not liked about her what made me happy, sad, her strenghts weakness, etc etc…
I am make my own call, if I did not love , care treassure,or wanted to be with her I would I say so,…..I valued her than my own life, I did almost everything
all friends and familiy knows who I am, how I am , my values about family, communication, listening to others, I was able to read her like the back of my hand, at all times…Where did I went wrong, I never took her for granted, I always asked about her anything or what I could have done better, we never went to bed upset we always talked,
My children hate her, are sad, fell betrayed, sad as new mothers they need their mum, and the sadest part is that for them their mother is now dead, died the day she told them….I am picking up the pieces, recomforting them, I try to heal their heart, but I know that will never be able to do it…..my son crys with me, and is unsure about himslef now, we did not and never thought that we were be part of the statistics “separated/divorced”…my children that had an image of their mother of outstanding values morals , caring and understanding people’s feelings, now are disappointed…..once she leaves they do not want to know anything about her for the rest of their lifes
One day either I or she will understand,I will continue my life with the love of my children, grand children, friends and my family I have peace and tranquility, a clear conciouss and clean heart and eventually will found a new person in my life, however it is hell in earth but I will get there…..thank you for you time
thank you all
I just got out of a 5 year relationship. We both decided that we need to work on ourselves individually. It wasn’t the relationship it was us as people. We both have issues that we need to work on to better both of our futures. May it be together or apart. We will always be friends but I am taking someone’s advice and staying away for awhile until we both have come to terms. I keep getting mood swings I guess you could call it that. I’m understanding one minute and the next I’m crying. It’s so hard to be without someone you love so much and to also have the understanding that you just have to move on and better yourself. Part of my issue is that his family is my family we are so close, and it’s hard on them as well. I think I would call it comfortable. I became comfortable, and I have never loved myself. You can’t be in love when you are not in love with yourself. That is why I am so happy I found this article, it makes complete sense to me about what I have to do.
Thank you so much for writing this I sincerely mean that thank you x
This was a great article. I feel better already. Self-love. What a concept. This could have saved me 3 years of an on/off relationship had I read this during our first break up (: I’ll forward article to her if she tries to contact me!
“If not, everything you do is looking for approval from others. You will be looking for their light, instead of using yours.” Thanks, that really connected the dots for me. I’ve been wondering why i’ve been so not myself lately and that’s exactly why.
Dated 7 years, couldn’t live together as she cared for her aging mom two hours away. Amazing love story as we shared everything including each others thoughts and dreams . She had to move in with ill mom and live two hours away . I couldn’t move due to job . She got transfer of her job to live with mom. She couldn’t handle the separation and broke up with me . It’s been ten years now since we broke up . Neither of us has dated anyone else since. I talk to her when I get a chance . We are still in love maybe more now than ever . It has hurt every day for ten years and only gets worse . I’m now 49 and honestly hoping to die so I can meet her in heaven . It just is too much ongoing pain The light in my life is shrouded in the cloth of caring for someone that is old and weak yet is family . I cry every time I see lovers kiss or cuddle because they share each others dreams and get to really live their purpose . Broken hearted for ten years and counting!
It has only been 1 1/2 week and I feel the pain and it hurts so bad. She was my everything I helped raised our son when she found out she was pregnant with her ex. We have been together for 9 years May 1 was our 9th anniversary that was the most painful day of my life. We have been through many break-ups for the past 9 years. How can my soulmate tell me we are over? She tells me she didn’t break up to be with anyone. She is very secretive she do things and make me feel like she is cheating. She makes me crazy! We were both toxic to each other but I looked passed all that. She is an alcoholic and she is also bi-polar. I have everything and anything for her. We are co- dependent to each other. I just can’t believe I didn’t just break it off when I left her for another person in 2007. That didn’t work out because I still loved her and didn’t have the strength to say no. I felt it was my fault that I cheated so she took me back. For 6 yrs. we still worked at it and still have lots of issues. Her drinking was the worst and she not coming at night didn’t help either. She was reckless to herself and to our son. I feared that one day I will get that call that she is dead and she had killed someone because she was drinking and driving. She had no cared in the world. I take blame for all that cuz I allowed her to do it to me and our son. I took her back every time she tried to kill herself. I took her back cuz I loved her so much. I really did changed to make her feel loved. It was still not enough I have a feeling she wants to get back with her baby daddy. Or maybe I am thinking too much cuz she left me with no answers. We are toxic towards each other I know I need to erase her from my life for The 60 day no contact in order to find myself and heal. I don’t know what I am even thinking or feeling anymore. I have thought about giving up many times. But I know I can’t be selfish and put my family and friends through pain cuz I wasn’t strong enough to live. I will try to live I will learn to love myself. I can and will find my soulmate in the future. Thank you for sharing your stories. Even marriage can break what is my measly 9 year relationship. I think being in a lesbian relationship is so hard. I know I can recover from this.