@Darlene – no i am not angry maybe just a bit defensive, thank you for your concern. i have to say i am a step ahead in the process of my healing thanks to this site, as my reading of this entire site has touched me with insight of which i may never have come to terms with! keeping positive is very crucial to healing, take care everybody! one step at time, loving your true self!

@Pebbles – DO NOT go to counseling with that loser!!! If you think that talking to a counselor will help YOU, then by all means I think you should do it. There is absolutely NO reason why you should be doing it with him. NONE…did I say NONE? I’m sorry this sounds harsh, but you deserve so much better!!!! I write this and make myself listen to my own words. I don’t know if you know much about my story, but my boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me 4 months after I told him I was pregnant with the baby we planned. I am now 6 months along, and still in so much pain from the breakup and the realization that I’m going through this pregnancy alone. I loved him with a love I hope some man loves me with. I just found out yesterday that he was cheating on me with 3 girls while I was pregnant and one of them is now his new girlfriend. I have contemplated counseling, but would never in a million years consider doing it with him. You need to focus on YOU. It’s not about you and him anymore. I know it’s hard to acknowledge that he doesn’t want you and that he’s chosen someone else…actually many others. You have to be honest with yourself. Do you want to be with someone who really doesn’t want you? Don’t you want someone who is going to love all of you? Someone who is going to think the world of you who would never hurt you. This guy doesn’t even deserve the air you breathe while talking about him. DO NOT involve him in the process of healing YOU. You are never going to be able to heal and move on if your healing process involves the one person that has made you need the help in the first place. Show him that you are strong and don’t need him in your life. Even if you don’t feel that way yet…fake it!! We have to. It is the hardest thing I’ve had to do, but I’m doing it. Being pregnant has my hormones and emotions running wild. I want to cry…all the time, but I stop myself. I’m gonna share a little trick with you that sometimes helps me. When you find yourself thinking about him and any of the good times you had, force yourself to think about all the bad. Think about the 4 year relationship he had while he was supposedly in love with you. Think about how he tore you down and made you feel like nothing. No man should ever make you question yourself or make you feel like less of a person. Think about all the tears you have cried because he has hurt you. Do you really want to be in a relationship like that? CUT HIM OUT OF YOUR LIFE COMPLETELY!!!! Please don’t go to counseling with him. It will be the biggest setback, and you don’t want to have to start this process all over. You are strong and don’t need him!! KARMA IS A BITCH! It may not happen right now, but some day in one way or another he is going to pay for what he has done. I’m going to leave you with a quote that one of my close friends shared with me:
“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep… wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you’ re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have YOU… The one who turns to his friends and says, thats her…”

well that just sucks….it makes your tummy hurt I know

@Kelsey –
Thank you so much for your advise. This guy is unbelieveable. Every opportunity he gets he rubs his girls in my face. How much attention he gets from them and how much he gives to them and how much he loves it and he’s comfortable. I am the one who cares little about his feelings, I am the one who walked away from our relationship, I am the one who made no effort to save what we shared and on and on he goes. Its like a recording, he tells me the same things over and over again. How much I have hurt him and blah,blah,blah. Lastnite he shows up at my gate, telling me that he still loves me BUT I need to meet him half way. He’s has to make a decision, he cannot have his “Dating” partner in limbo for much longer. I told him that TRUST & RESPECT have walked their way out of the relationship and no counciling is gonna bring them back, I have come to accept the fact that he has moved on so he’s free to go ahead with his plans for his life with whomever he chooses. I will NOT be part of it.

He got upset and says the same things all over again, I hurt him, I put friends before him, I dont give him enough attention and he also reminded me that he had told me that If I wasnt giving him enough attention, he would go and get it elsewhere – WOW!!!

My point is this – He said that he is in a VERY comfortable place,his girl gives him LOADS of attention and he’s HAPPY. Why then is he tormenting me, why is he asking about counciling and stuff, why does he take every chance to rub his girl in my face WHY,WHY,WHY – I do believe I have the answer to my question – I AM A GAME to be played and he doesnt realize that the game is over.

He called again this morning, I didnt answer then he kept calling. After a while I returned the call and told him that I will NOT subject myself to how he makes me feel at the end of every conversation(like I am the worse person, everything I think, say and do is always so wrong).I told him I will NOT be taking anymore of his calls. I have the power to change somethings and thats what I am doing. He can only get under my skin if I allow myself to entertain what he has to say. He went on and on and on, I kept silent, then he said, he just wanted to call and say hi and wish my a good day, I was still silent, then he went on again, then I said ARE U FINISHED he said yes and I hung up – ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR – Oh My God!!!!!!

@Pebbles – You’re still giving him waaayyy too much. He knows you still care about him and that you would take him back. Your actions say you still do even though you don’t want to. Taking his calls…talking to him when he goes to your gate…letting him see it hurt you when he flaunts other girls in your face. He knows that you are still holding on regardless of what he does and how he treats you. He knows that if he were to tell you he loved you and only you and wanted to be with you that you’d take him back. He’s stringing you along because he knows he can. You need to be strong even though it is hard. You need to not accept his calls. Don’t answer and tell him you shouldn’t have to put up with his crap…just don’t answer. Don’t acknowledge his existence. The best revenge is to show them that you are happy and suscessful without them. Make him think you are happier without him even if it kills you. Always remind yourself of the bad he has done. YOU DESERVE BETTER!

@Kelsey -

i think this quote describes my boyfriend that i just broke up with because a) i think i was the type of girl he was into 10 yrs ago when we met but not now b) i know if he had the chance to go with a few various ladies he would but he said ’sure she wouldnt go out with me’ ie. he’s with me cause im the best he can get’ which has resulted in me loosing a few groups of friends and becoming isolated and c) he lies and watches porn even though it really upsets me.
So even if u do find a guy that matches all the characteristics in this quote, it may last a long time like my relationship- 10yrs but nothing lasts forever

I have been reading through these posts as I was looking for answers to my Relationship breakdown.. My boyfriend of 4 years told me last week that he didn’t know if he wanted to be in a relationship with me anymore.. although tells me he loves me and is confused.. He says he is not ready for marriage or kids as he is too young.. I’m a state. Any little thing I do seems to piss him off and trigger another row.. Im so unhappy but want this to work so much. I thought we would be together forever – he used to say we were going to be together forever Why do people say this if they dont mean it? When I got with him I couldn’t believe my luck, he was perfect in my eyes and i thought i was the luckiest girl alive to be with him.. Now i can’t imagine not being with him and feel so alone.. i moved away from all my family and friends to be with him.. I seem to be hanging around hoping things will get better? He says he doesnt want to lose me and misses me when im away, so why does he have thoughts of not wanting to be in a relationship anymore.. Im so confused.. After reading your posts on here I should probably walk away and be with someone that wants the same things as me but i dont have the will power
I will keep reading through this site..

@Marie – There is much to be said for tough love. As long as you are there, obviously when he is unsure if he wants you to be, you are devaluing yourself and saying that you will settle for what little you get. Believe me, I know this. I have done this. I did not exercise tough love…I tiptoed around on eggshells trying to please my husband, trying to be the perfect wife, trying to be understanding and patient…when I should have been mad as Hell and put boundaries in place a long time ago. I was afraid I’d lose him………….
but guess what? I lost him anyway, and with him went my self value, the only life I had built for myself and my two children, and every dream I had dared to dream.
Do I wish I had been different? Absolutely. Perhaps he wouldn’t have pursued another married woman, perhaps he would…..but at least I would have been left with myself. Now, I don’t even know who the Hell I am! I’m just a discarded and broken woman that still twirling around looking my soul!
You sound young Honey. Don’t ever let any man do you that way.
I didn’t when I was young…and I wish I had never changed. Men want women that love themselves,, and you have to put yourself first. That’s hard to do for us, for many women are loving and giving, to a fault. I would fall into that category…….
Move on. If he loves you, he’ll come get you. If he doesn’t, then stop wasting your time with his ambivalence. Bless you…and protect your heart……..There is no one ike you, remember that.

@anotherdud – Thank you for this post. It seems nearly impossible to be rational and objective when there’s a big hole in your chest where you heart once was. My boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me when I was 4 months pregnant with the child we planned. I am now 6 months pregnant, and doing everything in my power to be strong and stay healthy for this little girl growing in my belly. There are some days I just want to crawl into a hole disappear forever, but I know that isn’t an option. We planned a life together, and now that life is gone. My heart still belongs to him, but I can’t obsess about us not being together.

You said put yourself first. That is something I have to make a conscious effort to do, and I’m trying so damn hard to be successful at. I gave every part of myself to him, and feel as if I am left with nothing. I got the best part of the deal though. I am going to have a beautiful baby girl. You said, “if he loves you then he’ll come get you,” and I just have to keep reminding myself that. I want to be with someone who is going to want and love me as much as I do them. If he loves me and this baby he will choose to be with us. It just breaks my heart to think about the possibility and reality of us never again being together.

I’m doing my very best to stay strong for this little baby, but I feel dead inside. I just want the pain to go away!!!

@Kelsey – Take my word Darling, when you hold that little boy or girl for the first time, most of the pain will go away. You will be a new person with strengths and will to do more than you can even imagine at the moment. YOu think you love him so mch right now…..just wait till you have that baby. You will be far more picky of who is worthy to be around you or her. THEN you will know real love!
LOve shouldn’t hurt or confuse. Some people can , but I’ve learned at my ripe of age, some people can not love or feel emotion whatsoever. There’s lots of them out there too….Even if he comes back…make sure that’s what you want, for a snake can shed his skin, but he’s still a snake…

Hi everyone. Just wanted to share what I have been doing to help with the healing of my broken heart. I believe I have finally accepted that I am the ex-girlfriend, I find myself refering to myself as such and believe it or not, it has helped me to come to terms with reality a little more. Also over the past five months I have discussed nothing except he said, she said, we said until I believe I have worn myself out the same story over and over and over again. I got sick and tired of hearing myself speak about my break-up and I cannot imagine my family and friends (supportive as they have been) people do get tired of hearing the same sad story after a while.

While it is still tempting to do so, I restrain myself whenever the urge comes to talk about it again, instead I have indulge myself in reading healthy, encouraging articles and books( I was NEVER a person that loves to read) I have so far read Gary Chapman’s “FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES FOR SINGLES” its great!!!

I have learnt so much about me and how best I can address some of the weaker areas of my life in terms of my relation to people in general.

The other thing I have done two weekends in a row is to get up and go on a bus for a LONG 4 hours drive. A change of scenery does so much to the mind, not to mention the fresh air along the country side.
I will in no wise claim to have arrived but I am surely doing far much better today than I was 4mths ago. Yes I get lonely and I still cry and still hurt when I think of it all. Yes there were a lot of good BUT we both contributed to the break down; I have taken responsibility for my part and have apologized and I am now learning what I need to learn through this disappointment.

It is not the end of the world, its the end of a chapter,period, season,phase, whichever word best describes it. Though I would love to(about 2yrs from now) love again, if it doesnt happened, I believe I have tasted of the greatest pleasure one can get on this earth and that is to love and be loved.

Thanks i really needed to hear that. I’m going through a break up now and it’s very hard for me. One min he loves me to death and the next min he doesn’t. I have made up in my mind that i don’t want to go back…