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The Secret How To Get Over A Break Up

i hate my ex girlfriend

Photo by Jennifer Krug

Healing a broken heart from a lost love seems to be the most challenging endeavor that anyone could imagine. A break up usually starts with a period of paralyzing shock, turning into helplessness and deep grief. It appears impossible to ever be happy again. Wouldn’t it be good if there was a secret showing how to get over a break up?

What if I told you that a break up or divorce can actually be looked at as a very good chance for you? Your opportunity? Look into the abyss and see who you really are! Do you believe this?

Well, I for one, do believe. Because it happened to me and I experienced it myself.

“You don’t know what love is
Until you’ve learned the meaning of the blues
Until you’ve loved a love you’ve had to lose
You don’t know what love is”

–Chet Baker

My own break up in 1998 was, on the one hand, the most terrible and painful incident that ever happened to me. On the other hand, the very best that happened to me. Sounds pretty paradoxical, huh?

For now, I would like to ask you just to take my word for it and read on, you will come to understand why.

The secret of how to heal a broken heart didn’t come to me just like that, nor have I read about it in a book or the like. As I have written on my about-me-page, I’ve had a break up coach. Not a professional one – just a very distant relative, who apparently called me out of the blue. (Today I know that it was no coincidence at all). He then introduced me to the two main concepts showing how to heal a broken heart.

He had been through a terrible divorce himself, as well as dealing with some other terrible things in his life. The measures he took, the thinking he developed, literally saved his life.

Isn’t it strange that each and every one of us has had, or will have, a certain point in our lives where we find ourselves standing at a crossroads? Ok, maybe not that strange – that’s how life works. Interesting though, is why some take the way to the right and some choose to go to the left. Some recover very quickly from their break up or divorce, and have grown from that experience. Others take many, many years to recover, and after that they are not the person they used to be, (usually in a negative way).

By the time I finally met with him, I had six terrible months behind me, full of self pity, tortuous pain, loneliness and infinite grief. I was past the first painful phase of a break up, but not yet ready to move on, to make the vital step towards healing.

At first I didn’t want to meet him, I didn’t want to meet anybody. But he insisted. This was my chance.

We met in a coffeehouse, and I’ll never forget what happened. He had heard what happened to me from other people, and after some chitchat, the first question he asked me literally blew me away.

He asked me: “Why do you think that SHE is responsible for your happiness?”

And this was it. So simple.

Healing A Broken HeartIn my eyes, it was her that I needed so badly in my life to be happy, to feel valuable. I held on to her to have a purpose, a meaning. I wasn’t happy on my own. It was she who made me go on, enduring myself. I absolutely didn’t love myself.

Of course I couldn’t think rationally at that time. But it was him who did the thinking for me.

He then explained his concept on how to get over a break up, how to lead a happy and fulfilling life, and how to develop a stable personality. Healing a broken heart was just a side effect of his concept.

Extreme suffering during a break up is always a sign that your mindset towards life and yourself is not correct.

The main two pillars of a stable personality, and therefore the main premise for a happy life, so he told me, are:

1. Complete and unconditional self-love

2. A very personal purpose in life

Wow, that made an impression on me.

Does this make sense to you? It took me some time to get it.

Only if you love yourself completely and unconditionally, and this means to accept the way you are, with all your weaknesses and strengths, can you also love others. If not, everything you do is looking for approval from others. You will be looking for their light, instead of using yours.

There are quite a few methods to work on self love. Some have been discussed here and some will be discussed in future articles. They all have in common that you must take a closer look into yourself and accept what you see. Finding your inner child, and using affirmations, are both very good ways to increase your self love.

The second very important secret is finding your purpose in life and pursuing it with all your heart.

What’s your purpose in life? Well, that’s the tricky part. I can’t help you much with that – that is something you have to figure out by yourself. I can only give you some tips on how to find it. There are some good books on that matter.

Deepak Chopra wrote in his book The Seven Spiritual Laws Of Success that your very purpose in life is your unique and very special talent. We have taken manifestation in physical form to fulfill this purpose. He calls it “Dharma”. Something, when you picture yourself doing it, your heart lightens up and you feel a warm feeling of happiness.

When you combine your life purpose with service to humanity, then you make full use of the Law of Dharma.

I second that.

Find something you love and are passionate about. Try to help other people with your talent and then simply be the best at it! There is no greater fulfillment than finding your life purpose and serving others.

Then you will not only have your blueprint for a happy life, you will eventually realize that you have gotten over your break up or divorce along the way.

How To Get Over A Break Up

If you are suffering through a break up or divorce right now, I sincerely wish for you to find your path, and come to a higher understanding of your true Self. Only then will you be ready to find the partner you deserve.

This is a small but vital fraction of the healing process. There are more things to consider, especially in the first phases directly after a break up or divorce.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano


1,532 Responses to The Secret How To Get Over A Break Up

  1. SC January 21, 2015 at 3:35 pm #

    I mostly just nod or shake my head when I see those inspiring quotes,sometimes briefly give them a moment of thought. I received one yesterday however really. reached me. (S)HE WHO DOES NOT. UNDERSTAND YOUR SILENCE PROBABLY WON’T UNDERSTAND YOUR WORDS

  2. Pamela February 8, 2015 at 3:11 pm #

    Hi Eddie,
    My ex-fiancee broke our engagement off on Jan.1st 2015, marriage date 02-14-2015, he said he just wanted to be single because he was at a place in his life where he had a lot going on. I miss him like crazy!! Approxiamately late Oct-Nov. he was getting to the point of not returning texts and not answering calls. He said he was just tired and sleepy from meds! I would get frustrated bc I had a gut feeling that he was cheating and the feeling just would not go away!! He constantly said that he loved me and was in love with me but also had got to the point of not visiting on weekends or holidays. All felt wrong to me but I shrug it off and kept going! Now I am devastated and in much pain, my mind is bothered and I’m trying hard to pick up the pieces and move on!! Im ready for a new mind set and life without him! It just hurts so bad, that I feel like coiling up and die. I’m trying so hard but Im having a hard time staying focused, my 11yr old daughter loves him so much, she walked in the room one day as I was crying one day uncontrollably and she started to cry and comfort me but I had to tell her that her poppa was not coming back to see us. I didn’t want to have to tell her that but I only cry when she is not home now!! I REALLY NEED HELP AND I WANT HELP TO GET OVER HIM. I thought for sure I wanted him back bc our good outweighed the bad but after how he walked away from us I just want to move on to a better healthier me, mind body and soul bc I don’t ever want my child to go through this with me ever again!! Please help me I just want this pain to stop!! 🙁 🙁 🙁

    • Lisa February 17, 2015 at 8:56 am #

      Hi Pamela,
      I think we all wish there was a remedy, a pill that you can take and then bang! you wake up and it’s all gone. Sadly, it all takes time but it’s great that you found this website, Eddie points out all the reason why you feel the way you feel. I found this articlae particularly helpful. It’s all because of the lack of self-love and purpose. I was thinking just that as I walked to work this morning and god knows just walking these days takes an effort. I was dumped 10 days ago and it was by a man who already broke my heart 3 years ago. It took me a year back then to nurture myself back to life and then another year to completely forget him but once he reappeared I took him back without much questioning or any hard work on his side. I really am like a woman possessed around him. A terrible year later during which he disappeared and came back as he wished and he dumped me without any explanantion. There is nothing one can say to you to make you get over this man overnight. You are far from alone. Read all other horror stories on here how women are dumped pregnant, a day before the wedding, or after 10 years together and 3 kids. It’s part of the game called love as they say. It’s always a risk, but each time you learn a lesson and next time you can see an emotionally unavailable man from a mile and you run! Read this article
      I really like how Polly writes. And good luck to you! You will feel better one day. We all will. I’ve been there.

    • stevi a February 27, 2015 at 5:05 pm #

      my bf of 4 years died last Friday of a drowning accident. I wasn’t there. I went to his place and found out he was cheating, his friend confronted me and said he wanted this other girl for a long time since I’ve been with him.I also found out other hurtful things. I m in so much shock. I feel so angry. no way to confront him.I don’t want to go to the memorial.

  3. makes February 19, 2015 at 11:02 am #

    My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me a week ago , I found out he has another child that’s turning 3 and he was seeing another girl 12 years younger than us . He just told me he needed space but immediately continued seeing her . He wants to be friends for our child sake but everytime he is near me he kisses and touches me , telling me that this is hard for him too , but come on he moved on already . I so hurt and depressed and in my mind I know that he is no good because he will always cheat but my heart is telling me to fight for him even though it seems he doesn’t want me but gived me mixed signals. Yesterday when I asked him to look after oir son for a few hours he told me his not at home , when I took our child to his mother he was there with her . When he brought our son back we argued because I was pissed . I told him to leave me alone and one day I will find someone thar will appreciate me . I wanted to hurt him and think I did . Today I felt sorry for what I did but I know I need space from him but can’t seem to do it . I think he blocked me on his phone . And now I’m more depressed but kinda feel better than last week. I need some brutal advice .

  4. Pam February 23, 2015 at 7:31 pm #

    It’s been 8 months since the break up. A relationship which I thought was wonderful, we lived in a bubble of happiness for 10 months. And by bubble, I mean my friends & family met him but I couldn’t meet his daughter or have his ex- wife know about me because he didn’t want to cause problems. Out of the blue he text me his good bye saying it wasn’t fair to me but he didn’t know when he would be ready. Fast forward 5 months he’s in a very public relationship. Shot my self- esteem. It’s been like grieving a death & now realizing that he’s happy & moved on – opened up wounds. Wonder why I never seem to be put first.

    • michelle March 28, 2015 at 6:17 pm #

      I feel for you. I had almost the same relationship with my ex. He had a business partner that was not able to know he was engaged. We were together for 5 years, even going to Vegas last month for our anniversary. When we came back he told me that we were no longer able to be together because she found out we were together and gave him an ultimatum, her or me. He chose her! I have been an emotional wreck since. Everyday, I want to beg and plead for him. But, as I talk to people, I realize that what he did could and should not ever be forgiven, no matter what! It is very difficult to get that concept through my head, because I was so in love with him. However, I realize, I really did not mean much to him for him to have done this to me. I deserve better.. 🙂 I wish you all the happiness in life… There is only 1, and no second changes. Never go backwards!

    • Hazel April 20, 2015 at 7:04 pm #

      That’s terrible Pam I am in the same situation in terms of my ex would not progress our relationship due to his ex who has his kids…I have this fear that it’s just an excuse and am living in fear of the day he gets into another relationship and gives her what he would not give me….how do you cope with that? The thing with me is I will possibly have it happen under my nose as we go to the same church. I hope things have got better for you Pam😐

  5. Andy February 27, 2015 at 7:18 pm #

    As I sit here and read these stories, I see myself in all of them. My fiancé started acting different about 5 months ago. I knew something was wrong but I couldn’t put a finger on it. Two months ago we were in a discussion about how she had changed the way she treated me and talked to me. It must have been to much for her to hear or perfect timing. She took her ring off and told me she couldn’t marry me at this time. She told me that she loved me but still loved her Ex also. It tortured my soul. She told me that she had jumped from relationship to relationship in the past and never give herself time to heal. I begged, cried, & pleaded with her not to do this. None of it worked. I quit eating, slept very little, shut myself away from everyone, and all the things that I shouldn’t do. I need help. I can’t live with out her. I can’t do anything without her. After a month and a half I realized that I was still living and breathing. So that told me that I didn’t NEED her, but that I really just WANTED her. I’m not over her and not sure when or if I will ever be over her, but I am some better. I have to look at that as a step forward. A step forward that I didn’t or don’t want to take. It seems very small and insignificant, but it is progress. I think about her every minute of the day, but I don’t cry as much as I did in the beginning. I have chose to wait for her. It may be the wrong thing to choose, but it is my decision and in the meantime, Andy can work on Andy. Something that he does have control over.

    • Aishah May 30, 2016 at 11:08 am #

      Dear Andy,

      Same here. I know I should move on but I don’t want to. I don’t want to forget him. It’s suffering.
      I still crying but my heart pain became better.

      I want to delete all memory about him.

      • sabria September 17, 2016 at 5:27 pm #

        I just recently went through a break up too (2 days go to be exact). And i was not expecting it at all! i had been single for 2 years following a really messy break up and i had all but given up on relationships. but then this guy literally just popped into my life and gave me new hope.
        but then 2 days ago he hits me with this whole thing that he doesnt love himself and it isnt fair to me etc. and he doesnt want any relationship from anyone right now and doesnt know if we can ever go back to where we were.
        so it hit me like a truck because i thought everything had been going perfect. i met his family about a week ago and they all seemed to really like me.
        it’ s been really painful for me physically and emotionally. i try to surround myself with friends but after a while i just want to be alone and cry.
        not to mention we go to the same college and our dorms are basically beside each other. he still wants to be friends and i really want to stay in his life because i really want the chance of something happening in the future.

        at this point i dont know what to do or how to move on i just know i’ll be devastated if he gets with anyone else. i want to wait on him as well i just dont know if it’s the best thing for me but i just can’t give up and move on yet.

  6. Tera March 3, 2015 at 5:22 pm #

    My BF of 7 years have recently broke up 2 months ago. We share one child together and he raised my 10 year old for most of her life. I caught him cheating and we decided to take a break, he has been spending time with the kids but we haven’t been working on our relationship. He tells me he loves me and be patient with him, my patients is growing thin and I feel like im being robbed of my healing because he keeps giving me hope that I feel is not there. I’m really confused on what I should do, ive caught him so many time talking with other women pre- baby and never thought it would happen after-baby (dumb in know). So I’m struggling with myself do I move on or do I wait for him. I’m torturing myself waiting for a miracle to happen and hope we will come around and be the father/partner I need.

    • Andy March 4, 2015 at 4:39 pm #

      Tera, I am in a very similar situation and feel very much like you do now. I had to make a choice for myself just to survive. I was being torn to leave or stay. I chose to wait because at the end of the day, if she walks away, she can’t say that I quit. I Truly understand your feelings. I lost almost 40 lbs in 1 month. I had to distance myself to a point of letting her make the first move. The first to call or text. Then I had to make myself to not pick the phone up and see if it still was working. I know there isn’t a magic word any where to make it better, you just have to be able to face yourself in the mirror each morning with your choice that you made. And Tera, when things are really bad, just concentrate on taking the next breath. I had to.

      • Dasha September 27, 2015 at 8:37 am #

        Andy, how are you doing now? I can relate almost exactly to what you’ve written.

        • Andy September 27, 2015 at 4:49 pm #

          I’m doing better now and we are talking, but I fee like I have lost so much of me with this transition that I may never get it back. I have fears of if she gets iffy again. I don’t feel like I have the energy to fight that hard again. Only time will tell. I hope and pray that I can feel those same feelings that I once had, but the fear is, is that I wont.

  7. CANDY March 11, 2015 at 6:49 am #

    I must say so far this detox program is good help my husband had cheated on me with a woman he work with and things just went from bad to worse starting to abuse and disrespect and all the sadest part about it all was infront of the kids we have two daughters and they still very small after years of betrayal and abuse and all he told me he loved her and he is staying with her so i let it be i had no choice but to divorce him and what is so hard the fact that we still need to be in contact because of the children i really wish i did not have to see or speak to him at all if he could just vanish it will make my life easier i dont want him back i was just hurt the fact that he could move on so fast with his life and be happy while i didn’t even know he was long gone and the fact that he move in and staying with her while we were not even divorce brake me and how they play happy family with my children when they vissit him but i learn to accept it and as hard as it is i am getting better everyday i just look back and say to myself you better off your children dont witness his ugly dog ways towards you and you have a better life now on your own dont have to worry and be scared and wonder where he is is he coming home and all that so i made a choice to let go and to move on and this program is helping me not to think or want him back and to focus on my self my new life my own happiness my better future for so long it was just about him and everything of my life was based on him but now i am setting myself free and start over and step by step build a life for myself and a better and happier one who need someone that dont respect or love you and just want to be stepping over you all the time no one so i made a choice and i am following this program its helping me so much and i am getting better and better as i pray everyday and God help me so much and He made me strong during all this but its true you responsible for your own happiness love yourself and respect yourself enough not to let a divorce or break up destroy you you have a brighter future ahead and do what is best for you besides all the hurt and pain just remember this too shall pass.

  8. Fred March 19, 2015 at 4:28 pm #

    This was very enlightening. I can start to see that the problem is how I have been seeing the world and not how the world has been seeing me. I know by your words that there is hope and light at the of the tunnel.

  9. Anna April 5, 2015 at 7:01 am #

    My 5-year old boyfriend decided to end things because ‘this was just not working’, one month ago. I pleaded for him to change his mind, and though i succeeded, until three weeks later (during the three weeks i was the only one to call him and ask to meet), after we had dinner, he told me that he was starting to talk to other people and look for someone else, and whether i was still willing to stay under this condition. I felt shattered, starting trembling and felt everything spinning around me. he left some minutes later, cause he was going to the club with his friends, left me there crying my heart out. Though being hurt that much, I kept on calling him and looking for him. At times he would reply and sometimes not. I started to go clubbing, got drunk and called him each time to blame him for failing me, started smoking. But after doing those, the next day I always felt like shit, hating myself. My parents talked to me and told me to let go because I was unhappy with him, but in my mind i was torturing myself with a replay of him meeting someone else and being happy, getting married, while i remained here alone…

    Fact is, when i first met him, things were cool, but he wanted to take it step by step, so i went along with him rules, thinking things would change somehow with time. time went by, i introduced him to my parents two years later when they visited me on my graduation day. But on this side, he want ready yet to introduce me to his parents and kept me a ‘secret’, i told myself it was ok and that he wasnt ready. On Facebook also, he never wanted pics of us being uploaded, saying he wanted to keep his life private. I was not against it, thinking thins was kinda true. But we were happy. he had no car at that time, but found time to go to the beach with me by bus, we went out for lunch, for movies, he would come stay at my place/

    Then around year 3 he started hanging out with those new friends. they were guys, and had things in common. He started to change, having less time for me, and more time for them. When i wanted to go out, he was too busy or too tired, even too busy to sleep over at my place. Routine installed. we kept doing the same things, i got more and more unhappy, frustrated, even got jealous of his friends. Try to talk to him but each time he would get mad and said i was only looking for fights, so i started to shut up, coz i feared he would leave me.

    He introduced me to his parents this year. Stayed there a couple of times, and each time i went through hell before going to sleep. He would tell me we cant sleep on the same bed cause his parents wouldn’t like it, and that i had to install a mattress on the floor, in his room. So,, that was how i slept.

    But now i feel so lost without him. The only thing that helps me is Eddie’s ex detox. It’s been 2 days since i haven’t contacted him. It’s killing me, but i want to forget about him. Though i keep on thinking that he has met someone else, that they are happy and that i’m the one alone and scared of relationships because of this… My mom’s coming next week to help me get through it, but she wont be able to stay for long. Im so lost and unhappy right now. It hurts

    • Mary April 7, 2015 at 3:57 am #

      I’m on day three and it’s so awful. It’s soooo awful. Try to take it one minute at a time or just by the half hour. You can do this! Please don’t contact him. Seriously try not to becAuse if you think about it he will wonder.. Shock him! Do the opposite! Move in baby steps. It’s life threatening. Don’t contact him! It isn’t worth another set back. Hey you made it two days right? That’s awesome!!!!

      • Anna April 21, 2015 at 3:28 pm #

        I broke the no-contact on day 5 and called him. And its so awful cause he’s now with someone else. So so painful. I keep thinking about how he is happy with his new girl, and im the one who’s still drowning after two months. I’m so lost! this is so killing me. I regret breaking the no contact rule. I wish i could accept the fact that he’s now with someone else but im so angry at the fact he moved on after two months only. This means the five years we spent together did not mean anything for him. Im sure he treats her way better than he did with me and that he’s doing all the things he refused to do with me with her. It hurts si much

  10. Kate April 5, 2015 at 12:22 pm #


    These articles really help me understand I’m not alone. Mine isn’t a simple relationship breakdown, it is the culmination of years and years of jumping from bad relationship to bad relationship in the hope the new relationship is good and “saves me”! I knew two years ago that I had to face my demons but I was in too much pain after my biggest break up to date…I’m finally ready to accept that I need to work hard on myself before jumping into the next mr right now! It’s going to be hard but I have started the no contact with most recent bf (finished a week ago!) upto day 3 currently so very early days! I told him I loved him and he said he doesn’t see us progressing and finished it… I was shocked because there were no problems that he mentioned, things were happy, fun, really good…, feel rejected for lots of reasons and just keep thinking about all the good times! I want to speak to him but can’t bear the thought of hearing him say he cares about me but doesn’t see us progressing the way I did! Confusing and complicated!

  11. Mary April 5, 2015 at 1:41 pm #

    I knew something was wrong for a long time. I broke 35 days of no contact last week. He met me for a few minutes in a parking lot. He said he loved me but just couldn’t do it anymore. I’m almost positively certain he is seeing someone else but won’t admit it. He said he heard I was talking crap about him. I just feel like it is all of my fault. This is what I am struggling with the most. Like if only I had done this or that this would not have happened. He isn’t a happy person in general. I don’t know. I am on day two of no contact so I’m trying to do the 60 days. He was never good to me. He left the relationship all of the time. I just feel like this time it’s final. I am always waiting for his return. This time I don’t want to wait. I want to move on and if he does return be able to say no.

  12. Hazel April 20, 2015 at 11:23 am #

    This article was really helpful. My partner and me mutually agreed to split due to his fear of committment. This whole relationship has been really hurtful as one minute he was saying he wanted to marry me and the next he was pushing me away saying he did not think it would work. I decided finally last week that it was time for me to get off the emotional roller coaster as I really don’t think it should be this hard to committ to someone you love. Don.t get me wrong I was not asking the guy to marry me, just to be more open about our relationship to our friends and family. I still hope that by splitting he will change his mind and we will get back together but in all honesty I can’t live in that hope as ut may never happen so I need to let go completely. I am so grateful for the article as I totally understand that the only way to so that is to realise he is not responsible for my happiness I am and I will find my happiness again without him. In all honesty just writing that last sentence has made me realise how dysfunctional it is to put so much emphasis on a relationship as the source of my happiness. ..I really need to look at this so that if we do get back together or I do meet someone else that my perspective changes to something more realistic.

  13. Alex April 29, 2015 at 8:25 pm #

    My girlfriend left me because of our differences after a 3+ year relationship. We both loved each other even until the last day.
    She cut it off because of her two children from her previous marriage. When she was around them, it was to compete with her ex for their affections and she basically was not her authentic self. Mostly, she was extremely over protective parent which made it difficult for me to be apart of. The times she had them half the week, I decided to keep distant because she refused to change her ways. I made the mistake or decision of distancing, even though we were in love. Eventually for the last 6 months our relationship dwindled (except for the intimacy which was strong even until the last day/ the addiction part of it). I tried my hardest to fight for us back and tell her my mistakes and ask for a chance for both our walls to come down. It failed, she said she led me to a dead-end, our stream has ended and walked out saying her last words “this is harsh.”
    I decided I did everything I could to try to recover. The main thing now is no contact(day 18), but still Hold on to hope she will miss me and want to get back. I have committed to the principles of no contact, but still can’t stop thinking about her, it’s like a disease. My heart & brain are broken.

  14. mattie May 5, 2015 at 7:41 pm #

    Hi my girlfriend call it quit after 8 years.we was the type That did not fuss in front of the kids and we have been through think and thin. One the three has going in the servis and one drop out of school and the baby in hang in there to finish. I love the very much but the last 3 years we stared going and doing thing along. I told here when she start collage that thing was going to be.diffrent but she would listen,so one day i ask her where was our realership going and dhe could answer me ant that time but she came back later and say no where.That when i knew i needed to get my own places and put this behind me. It was hard but i have to take it one day at a time and be.happy with myself and love me me

  15. Nivashini May 6, 2015 at 6:03 am #

    after he told he lost passion in our relationship and can’t love me like before (it’s because he doubt me but it was all misunderstanding but even after I proved I am good he told he can’t come back) begged him for 15 days after he told fa breakup but he didn’t come back.. Atlast I told him that I will wait for him till the end.. after reading the 7 reasons why I don’t not want my ex back I decided to move on.. should I call him and tell that I am not gonna wait for him or should I move without informing?  Plz I need a reply

  16. karla May 15, 2015 at 8:03 am #

    My break-up was so terrible. I am a separated woman with one child and my ex was also separated with one child. He dumped me a month ago. The broke-up was very chaotic. My ex told her that he has a gf already. The girl went overly crazy and threatened us that she will report to the police (they’re not actually legally married) and she will report me to my company. She messaged me all the crazy things as well as she messaged my daughter. She even told my ex that he will never see his son anymore. To wrap-up everything – when he came back to the country we’re we worked – he did not give me a just explaination. He simply told me i love the girl and my son. I found you here alone so i know you will survive (through sms only). They went back together again. I am tired already of thinking about him and the girl – how i loved him so much and how they emotionally wrecked me. I really want to move on kz i am tired already of my depression. Our almost 3 years relationship was gone 🙁 and we did not have any serious arguments. Our everyday living is always smooth and as far as i believe full of love. Until this.

  17. Illuminating May 20, 2015 at 7:46 am #

    So right. So right. So right. ABSOLUTE TRUTH.

  18. Deadeye May 24, 2015 at 3:28 am #

    I’m nearing the end of day 1. I fell very hard for a co-worker 15 months ago. We became very close and did a lot of things together, but she made it clear that she wasn’t interested in me romantically, but enjoyed our close bond. Plus, there were a number of red flags from her (alcoholism, daily drug abuse, financial mismanagement) that should’ve been enough to want me to drop her, but I continued to feel drawn to her, ignoring these.

    At the end of March, she left her job to move several states away to move in with her family, and start a relationship with someone from her hometown. He flew out to help her drive back and I spent a tortuous couple of days helping her move her things while she was becoming physically intimate with him (lots of kisses, touches, etc…) It was torture for me to watch, yet I continued to play the part of the good buddy, providing my truck to haul things away and my cleaning equipment to clean out her apartment.

    About a week after leaving, she started texting me, and I started texting back, sometimes we would text back and forth for hours, making each other laugh. I kept getting caught up in the delusion that somehow I would finally win her over by getting to know her via texting, even though she has made it clear on multiple occasions that she only considers me to be a good friend.

    I’ve been trying to focus on myself, to learn how to deal with my past abandonment experiences and figure out why that drives me to become attracted to unavailable women, but continued contact with her has been interfering with my progress in that area. I have numerous people in my life encouraging me to end all contact, creating space to finally face reality and get better.

    I came across this website and have subscribed to the newsletter, with the daily encouragement via email. I also have several people in my life enrolled in helping me keep this up. I finally found the courage to send the no-contact message out last night, which was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I did get an acknowledgement back this morning that she understands and wants me to do what I need to do.

    I’m glad there is a forum available with so many supportive people, as I no longer feel isolated and alone with my feelings. It’s so easy to fall into the “blame myself” game and wonder what I could’ve don’t better to be more attractive or win her over, but it just further damages my self-esteem, and needs to stop. I’ve started to apply the techniques to interrupt these thoughts and hope that will help me stay strong.

    Her birthday is coming up in 4 weeks, so I know I’m going to be tempted to reach out to her, but I don’t want to start over.

  19. Eva June 4, 2015 at 10:26 am #

    My bf was my first love, we were only together 3 months but in that time I loved him deeply. We were at uni together and he told me at the beginning he was thinking of dropping out and leaving to live abroad for a year. I fell into denial, hoping our relationship would change his mind and he would be willing to stay. This was a silly thing to think. I bought up what was going to happen to us near the end of our semester and he broke the news he was still leaving and that we had had our fun. The fact he could see our relationship like this when I cared for him so deeply really broke me inside. We parted on bad terms and me in tears and I cut contact with him for a month, and that helped. But three days ago I broke the no contact and saw him because he was finally leavin , and I wanted us to end on good terms and find closure. We had a great day and we were both so happy it bought back all my old feelings for him and I inadvisably slept with him that night. He’s now been gone two days and I’m back at square one, distraught and heartbroken. Breaking the no contact seems to have only made me worse and I’m lost to move on.

  20. trizar June 9, 2015 at 7:41 am #

    My husband of 10 years left me and our three sons for his 22 yr old girlfriend. We got married in 2005, after dating for 3 years. by the time of marriage, he was 23 and I was 30. We deified everybody n got married. His mother never really accepted me. After giving birth to our 3rd son, I got a spinal injury and was bedridden for many months. He was the best friend, n stopped working yo take care of me and our then 9 month old baby. I felt blessed at having such a wonderful friend for a husband. I recovered fully after surgery n we were the perfect family until early last year when he withdrew emotionally n changed completely. He no longer wanted me sexually n complained that I was no longer beautiful. In August last year, I discovered that he had girlfriend buy he promised me it was over btwn them. in Jan he told me he wanted out coz we were no longer compatible. he moved out on Jan 5th only a day after his girlfriend gave birth to a baby boy. as a Christian, I prayed and fasted n in Feb he came back n assured me it was over n it would never happen again. I was shocked last week when I got to know that they never really parted. I confronted him n he didn’t deny it. he told me he wanted yo marry her n have me at the same time. he proposed polygamy but I refused n so he just walked out. I’m on day 4 of no contact n sometimes it’s too painful. I cry a lot but I’m determined. I’ll make it somehow

    • Rosa December 6, 2015 at 12:22 pm #

      I met my love at 17. We were together 3 years. Then he broke it off.I had no family that cared about me. I had made him my life an that breakup devastated my young heart. I almost committed suicide several times. I met an older man 6 months later, two weeks later I was prego. The New guy was a Bing drinker. 6 years later we married. 11 years into it my first love was single again. My marriage was over so I walked. I went after my love again. Knowing I could lose again. Knowing it could devastate me again. We had remainedfriends thru my marriage. I did get a second chance with this guy!!!!! Sadly he’s a drug user. Andnomatter how much I cry, how much I do or say for him. Its like life doesn’t want us together. We’ve been together now 5 months. There’s tons more to this story. But it’s not gonna work. I can’t compete against the drugs. I can’t compete against life not wanting us together. I’m laying In Ned wondering where he us right now cause his spot next to me is empty. No I’m not worried he’s cheating. Ours is a once in a life time kind of love. It will always be there. But his demons have a good hold. Some of his family is sabotaging things too. In leaving him. For the second time in my young life I’m going back to a man I don’t love to keep from losing my mind over my love. The pain is even worse than the first go around! I wanna scream at life’s unfairness. Almost all of my stuff I have left here is packed. And today after the Sun comes up I’ll pack the last of it in my truck and thru tears of misery I’ll drive away. The only thing keeping me going for now is my kids. My whole life has been crap all of it. It was like life didn’t mean for me to make it this far an now it doesn’t know what to do with me. The pain from a broken heart is worse I believe than anything one could feel. And now its happened a second time! BUT this time is so much worse cause he gave me glimpses of what it could be like if I was worth it. But sadly the drugs rulehim. And unlike his other girlfriends I do not wanna become strung out to keep him. I’m broken. I’m lost. My soul is screaming in agony. An this time I doubt my heart will come back from this one. If it’s true an really can die from a broken heart I’m doomed.

  21. kulal June 15, 2015 at 5:02 pm #


    I loved a girl from past 5 years, 4 years was awesome and we planed to get marry, but on 5th year means Dec-23-2015… she left me alone and went to her native place… June-13-2015 she got engaged with other guy.
    Her parent sent rowdies to beat me and also the gave complaint against me…… i did not cared about these, but one day i went her place and ask her the reason for breakup the she said i don’t know who are you! that day on march 10 2015 i took poison but I am still alive.

    I helped her for college and for the work….. i did everything what she wished, but finally she ditch me. I seen her engagement pic in FB Today i really hurt alto…………….. Please help me out…..

  22. Tim July 6, 2015 at 1:20 pm #

    My girlfriend broke up with me four days after we got back home from our first trip together. She told me we got serious way too fast and that we just weren’t clicking like we used to. All I was trying to do was have a conversation on why she had been so distant since we got back from our trip to see if I could do something better for her, and she responded with she didn’t think she was good for me right now.

    When we split up she was very indifferent on our future. She said we’re calling it off until we can reconnect, but then reassures me we are breaking up.

    Needless to say, I have been a disaster for the last 3 weeks, and I’m tired of it

  23. Lynn July 20, 2015 at 11:07 am #

    My boyfriend and I just split and the worst part about it of course is he totally was using me. His actions said one thing then his mouth would say another. He even was the one to tell me how much he loved me first. How he couldn’t wait to marry me. Now I see that the men nowadays will say and do anything to string a woman along. Lesson well learned I won’t fall fool to anyone else

  24. kulmiye August 8, 2015 at 7:24 am #

    dear Eddie

    iam really apreciating of your good work that you have done to help me to recover from my break up.
    after reading your article i have proved myself wrong as i have did grievious mistake to myself.
    after she break up with me i have partially run crazy & started calling, emailing & reassuring my love to her but after reading your article of why people fall out of love i have realized that her love for me was purpose & not passionate love because she was only after my pocket as my financial status was better than iam today so i can say she was matterialistic & she deserted me because of money. today i reach my decission not to bother her again even if she wil come to me crying while she is crawling to my doorstep. thank my teacher Eddie i really value you & your article pliz continue inspiring me.

  25. Diane August 27, 2015 at 5:26 pm #

    I just don’t understand why you be feeling like you are handling yourself, dealing with the break up as best as you can and then BLAM!!! You are sucker punch by pain and longing!

    I found this site almost a month after my split and where I decided to never speak to him again! But I would check his social media activities and feel like shit after, cause less than 2 weeks after he had someone else and he also mentioned her all over his instagram, something he never did with me! I feel like she was there all along and all our issues, which he said was my fault was just cause he wanted to get out! I feel like I was a space-filler, I feel like shit!
    I am 12 days in on NC and I thought I would feel better, me not seeing his profiles should only help me cause it was just torture to see. I have removed myself from all social media sites!
    My crying was reduced to about once a day, I am reading books to help with changing your thinking, I have changed my outlook on the break up to say that it’s good cause now I am re-evaluating myself, and last night I felt like I had complete melt down! Why???!!! How can I even miss someone how had hurt me so bad???!!!! It’s to the point where I couldn’t even rebound if I had wanted to, the words he had said to me shattered my psyche, Its affecting my view on anything intimate, no matter how simple. The thought of someone even hugging me makes me feel to back away like a wounded animal!
    I just want to be fucking over this already!!!!!

    • AJ September 5, 2015 at 9:31 pm #

      Diane I totally understand how you feel, I’m in day 7 today and have made no contact since he’s tried contacting me twice through social media and txt message typically because he was so unable to communicate I knew he will never phone. I removed myself from social media too but I can still search him and check his friends list..I believe a girl from his work is the reason why things also started to go distant but I haven’t been able to prove it..I’ve always found like someone is lurking in the background I just don’t know who. It eats you up inside the lack of sleep is hidious and I just want to feel normal again. I hope you’re staying strong and doing well

  26. annet August 30, 2015 at 8:45 am #

    Thanks for the article Eddie. i have learnt that m responsible for my own happiness n no one else is. Am considering my situation as a breakthrough to self realization. I no longer want him back.

  27. Edward September 5, 2015 at 8:56 pm #

    Thankyou Eddie., I now want to spend time to know myself, before I seek to know another
    God bless you

  28. Leo September 12, 2015 at 6:20 pm #

    My no contact was continually sabotaged by both me and my Ex for the first few weeks after the breakup. We were, arguing by text and email once or twice a week. Then I sent her a short but direct text and said goodbye and not to contact me at all. That was on my own before I knew about Eddie’s program. I managed to put together 30 solid days and I succumbed to the pressure while I was in Honduras on a mission trip and texted her when I had Wifi after 5 days of no communication with the outside world. We actually had a normal and nice conversation by text. But I ended up so angry with myself. And Eddie is absolutely right, all of the pain and grief came crashing down on me 10 fold. I sent another text from Honduras and was cold and direct. I reminded her that it was she who decided she no longer wanted me in her life and said, “Do not contact me, ever again! It’s over and we both have to live with that!” I nearly passed out from the stress when I sent that.

    I called my communication carriers and her blocked every way conceivable and started again. I put together three good weeks, was feeling better, and she bypassed my cell providers blocking software by dialing like she had an international phone, 0+1 and my number. She sent a text saying that she was concerned about my mother! My mother is in a nursing home and very ill. But it was me who succumbed to the pressure, responded, and worse yet called her!! I couldn’t help myself. Same result, tears, anxiety, etc. Finally on 8/25/15 eight weeks after the breakup and after eight weeks of sheer agony, I bought the Ex-Detox system.

    I wrote her a final No Contact and Goodbye letter and have been doing okay since. So far it’s hard because of the times I had contact with her since the June 27 breakup. But she dumped me. And it seems when I stick to my guns and give her something to miss she tries to find a way to get through the gauntlet. But I feel more prepared to handle it now because of Eddie’s book and the inspiration I draw from it. She was the one who lied, cheated, would not commit, and dropped me like a hot rock! I have 18 days NC now! I’ve been following all of Eddie’s advice and spending time on me! I work out daily, eat right, and sleep as best as I can. I spend time with family and friends and am planning on the rebuilding of my life! Thanks to this program, which I am now working to the letter and feeling better every day.

    Don’t give in NC’ers! NC works! Work the program. Read the articles. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. And it’s a bright, warm, beautiful light shining only on me!

  29. G September 16, 2015 at 3:15 pm #

    No Contact (NC) definitely works. It gave me time and space to realize how bad the relationship was. I’ve realized that I was with a narcissist; and am now dealing with trying to heal myself from the abuse and total loss of who I was.

    You have to realize that you deserve better and that you will heal in time. I’m using this time to become a better, stronger man. I won’t ever let myself be abused like I was. To abuse someone verbally, emotionally and physically is not love at all.

    I’m on day 11 of no contact and am finally starting to sleep better. My mind gets a little clearer each day. Yes, the pain of losing her is tough, but then I think about being hit in the face, being called a loser, that “I was a joke to her”, all the money she used me for, and I think of the cheating and the constant lying. I thank God that she left me. She was right about one thing- I was a loser for being with her and taking the abuse. My intentions were good as I truly loved her unconditionally. The only problem was that I didn’t love myself enough not to be abused. I’ll never make that mistake again.

    I wasn’t perfect in the relationship and realize my mistakes. I put up a wall and detached myself when the abuse became too much. It was my defense mechanism in order to survive. I’ve learned so much about myself- why I dated a woman like her, to love myself again, and what I want in my next relationship.

    Thank you, Eddie. Your site and your Ex-Detox book have helped me tremendously.

    • Ana Dos Santos November 4, 2015 at 1:54 pm #

      I was just reading this and I found very interesting that I could relate so much. Its sad the amount of love and time we give to people who doesn’t deserve anything. I’m going through the same issues. The Non Contact is so important. I hope all is well 🙂

    • jan August 5, 2016 at 2:51 am #

      heyy im so curious about how your life is going on right now? i can relate to your story and its almost been a year since you posted it. how is it now? your life?

  30. Frank September 23, 2015 at 2:11 am #

    My wife of 13 years left me to go back to the father of her child. The child that I had raised since she was 6 months old she knew me as her father. It has been over a year now since she left, and 8 months after she left I developed cancer. So I was not only getting over loosing my family I had a horrible health scare to deal with. And in between my wife was still in contact with me telling me how much she loved me and wanted me back. That was all lies and deception by her she cheated on me many times over the years that we were married. I stayed one because of my daughter I love her so very much ,another reason is I didn’t want to be alone but after going through the battle with the cancer witch is coming to an end hopefully after 5 months. Doing it by myself I realized that I can battle alone and I am stronger than I thought I was for years. And o have just discovered this course and it has helped me as well in a very short amount of time.

  31. Kym September 30, 2015 at 1:47 am #


    I have read Dealing With Anger After A Break Up Part 1 and I was really shocked that all of the topics there are really happening to me right now.

    I am writing to you as I don’t know who to talk this out. I have friends but not best friends, I hesitate to open up to them because they also have their own problems and they would not really care. Well, yes, they will give their sympathy but that’s it. I am looking for a literal way on how to get over this situation I am in.

    Now the situation that I am in is that we broke up due to several reasons. But the most crucial or most depressing fact that I have to face each day is that we are workmates, we are in the same group or team which really drives me crazy if he needs to train and work close to a newbie.

    I have been really bad. angry, depressed and I even think of suicide or resignation from work, but then I realize that it’s not a good idea and it never will be.

    I hope you can help me with ‘literal’ ways on how to move on with an ex who’s just 100inches away from me.

  32. Yasmim October 6, 2015 at 9:32 am #

    Very inspiring stories, I hope all you guys are getting better.

    My boyfriend and I were together for almost 3 years, living together the last 8 months. He is turning 24 and I am 27, and that has always been an issue in my mind and I did use to tell him, as I was afraid of what just happened. He left me 10 days ago, we were having some troubles in the last months as I am facing some heavy family problems back in Brazil (I am half Danish and have been living in Copenhagen for the last 6 years, and he is Danish) and even though I could feel he was there for me as a best friend, he allowed the relationship to fail, as I obviously have been weak with my other problems, so I believe it was his responsibility to keep it up.

    So, we tried to make a 3 day trip to try and save the relationship, the morning we came back I went straight to work and in the afternoon he sent me a message asking when I would be home. So, I got home in the evening and none of his things were there. He was waiting for me to explain himself saying that he believed this was the best thing for both of us. Even though I knew that things were not perfect with our relationship, I didn’t expect this “surprise”. I was very angry and put him out of home without allowing him to talk to me about it.

    I was in pieces from that Friday night until Sunday morning. So, I decided to call him (even if agains all my friends´s advice to not do so) because he was leaving the next Friday (4 days ago) to a 2 month trip to California that was already planned before, and I could not bear the idea that he would leave for two months and we would not have a grown-up conversation to end things in a proper way, because by then in my mind, I needed to have him as a friend because there was no “negative-concrete” reason for him to leave him and I want to have good memories, and even though he is too young and left me in a really terrible way, I cannot find reasons to keep that hurt-anger in my heart.

    So, he immediately agreed to meet me and we had a very good break-up conversation where I cried a lot, and he did so too. He told me that I am an amazing woman and I do not deserve to wait for him to be ready for such a serious relationship as we were having, because that is the only reason for him to break up: he is not ready for it.

    I had planned my life with him, I have always been crazy in love with him since I met him, he went two times with me to Brazil to meet my family, we had a happy relationship with almost no fights, we were very happy living together, but I knew there was something missing in there, I always did, but I thought it was just his Nordic cold heart and he also said so: I am son of a military guy and Danish, it is hard for me to express my feelings…but he did learn along the way! We are a very good fit and as he told me himself in this break up talk: I know we could be very happy in a marriage, we are a very good fit, but I am not ready for it, and I don’t think it is fair for me to hold you back, because I am not being able to be there 100% in the relationship for you and you deserve to be 100% happy all the time.

    Last week was my time to suffer, but I have a lot of friends who were there for me and made me not suffer as much as I would have imagined my days. I talked to him by message three days ago when he was already in California, and after I kept on saying I was afraid he would regret his decision and I am afraid I will have moved on by then, he said: I am sure we are not going back together.

    Maybe it was good for me to hear that, because now I am putting in my head that regardless if he loves me or not, if he told me the real reason or not, if he will regret his decision or not, he left me, he gave up on us and gave up on me as a friend exactly when I needed him the most with all my family problems. And all this hurts like hell. I have had three break ups before, but nothing ever hurt like this, and I did love my ex boyfriends a lot, but I guess by then I was young and as it was me who broke up, I was being as rational as my current boyfriend, and not really understanding how much it hurts to be this rational, I feel like saying sorry to my ex-ex boyfriends if I ever made them suffer the way I am doing now. But that is life, right?! You only really understand others pain when you have been there.

    I know it is very recent, 10 days and I have contacted him 2 times, I really want to make it without talking to him until at least when he is coming back from California. Because as Eddie says, that would be the perfect time for me to get over it. I am afraid it is too early for me to be able to go through the process of healing, but I will try as much as I can. I am currently having an internship in my dream job, I have a lot of friends who are showing an overwhelming support and I know I deserve to be with someone who makes me happy, I have been a very nice girlfriend to him and I only deserve the same back!

    Taking each day as it comes, I will move on, and I hope everyone else in here will as well. Maybe my ex will regret, maybe he won’t, so Im not taking that chance, now my goal is to be happy before he can be happy himself, and I know I can do it!

    Thank you Eddie for your support!

  33. Simon November 13, 2015 at 1:58 pm #

    So.. my wife of 14 years has decided that we should separate.. we have 2 children 13 and 11. and i have decided to move out of the family home, mainly for my own sanity i guess. its has been so hard just trying to work out WHY..?? what happened, what did i do wrong..? I gave them a lovely home, everything they ever wanted. and paid for everything.
    The reason I married here, was she got pregnant with our first child, but this was because she came off contraception without telling me… but did the Honorable thing and marrying her.
    I am now living alone.. no close friends to talk to and feeling as if my depression to just dragging me down into a space so dark and cold.
    I have now found out she had an affair for the past few months and has basically been lying to me every day..she just wanted me for all the good points i offer, like money, but her new BF for the physical side.. but i have also found out her BF is also married..
    It hurts so much to think of her with someone else.. it rips my heart out. and i fear for my 2 kids.. as i can see her new relationship being an issues as he is married….
    So i found this site..
    I have only just started the NO CONTACT RULE.. and i can say, i think it is starting to work.
    I am focusing on what up lifts me – which is work. sounds funny i know, but the time flys when you get your head down.
    I am going to make the lists Eddie has recommended – I feel this is also going to help when i “snap” my rubber band..
    It is dark, it is cold, but i will use my strength and my own humor to get through this.. when i look back, my Ex really took me for a ride. don’t get me wrong we have 2 great kids, but the way i was treated, and now the new revelation of her affair, has told me i am better off without her.
    Thank you Eddie.. you are making me change my life for the better..

  34. Melly November 24, 2015 at 12:35 pm #

    On 1 June my husband of 5 years went to stay at a friends for a few days to clear his head. I thought he was maybe suffering a little depression so I encouraged it to give him space.
    For the first 2 weeks he kept telling me he loved me & that he hadn’t given up on our marriage. Over the next 2 weeks he stopped contact. On 17 July I got a text essentially ending our marriage. On 4 Oct he came & got his things & said it was too late to save our marriage because he didn’t feel anything for me anymore. Yep, in only 4 months it went form love to nothing.
    I have since found out that after only 5 days out of the house he started texting someone else. When he came & got his things they were already living together & had been for about 2-3 months.
    It doesn’t matter that I still love him because he has proven to be a lying, cheating, deceiving, cowardly, runaway husband & I would be a fool to take him back (which is not in the cards because he’d never admit he made a mistake anyway).
    However it has been almost 6 months & I still can’t get him out of my system so I’m hoping this will help me move forward & far beyond the heartache & to a place where I feel comfortable being myself.

  35. sharon December 1, 2015 at 4:42 am #


    My boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue three weeks ago. He is going through some emotional stuff and has PTSD, and said that he still wants to see me but no longer wants any labels. He says he loves me and wants a future with me. We have been spending a lot of time together and when we are together it feels as though nothing has changed. He still kisses me and tells me that he loves me every day. However, he is now constantly messaging other girls and has taken down all pictures of us off social media.
    We have so many similar interests and I’m completely in love with him. He is the one for me. He says that he needs about 2 months of not being in a relationship but still wants to see me. What does this mean? I don’t want to lose him or for him to lose love and interest in me? please give me some advice! Thank you! Sharon

  36. Spanish Kiss December 16, 2015 at 10:20 am #

    I walked in on my fiancé with his ex gf in our bed. I am past the shocked stage. I did leave him and moved out. I am very hurt so hurt I did mess with my ex, which is his best friend. I am lost and I can’t understand how he could do this shit too me. It’s been five months. My heart is broken and I don’t want love anyone ever. I don’t even want speak to him anymore. It’s been two weeks since we talked he’s still fucking his ex and talking to another he said he liked. Guys are cruel and selfish. There no point in loving anyone ppl are lie, cheat, and flirt. This world is so fucked. I hate everything and I can’t stop thinking about that day I came home five months ago.

  37. AashiP December 20, 2015 at 2:45 pm #

    I have been in relationships before but the last guy I dated about 6 months ago for 7 months was my most serious relationship. We are just 19 and families were involved. That in India, is a HUGE deal. He broke up with me for a variety of reasons. Some valid, some pointless. He ill treated me after the break up and we emotionally hurt each other and he used to insult me and make up upset every chance he got. For 6 months post the break up, we knew what was going on in each other’s life as all our friends were mutual. Soon my mutual friends also cut me out completely and kept in touch with him. It was my worst break up and most dramatic. We lost contact about a month ago. When I saw his uploads on social media, 5 days ago he uploaded a sad quote on his social media. Around the same time he unblocked me from all social media. Today he starts texting me as if we have been friends forever and nothing ever went wrong. He asked me to come to a place, he asked me about my pet and casual conversation. I asked him if we were talking and he said that he doesn’t want anyone to know that we talk. When I told my best friend, she mentioned that he has come into my life just to make things right before the year ends so I don’t bother him if he is dating someone else and so he doesn’t carry the excessive guilt in the next year. Please help me figure out his intentions.

  38. Shae December 21, 2015 at 5:08 am #

    I’m trying to get over my ex but we share a child together…I don’t know how to move on while having to see him and deal with him with regards to our child. Any recommendations?

    • Andy December 21, 2015 at 2:47 pm #

      My only suggestion is to communicate about the child and child only. There shouldn’t be any “how are you’s”. There shouldn’t be any “you look nice” and most definitely “I was thinking about you”. All of these are showing affection. If your ex brings up any phrase that does not pertain to your child only, simply ignore it. They are your EX for a reason. And when we feel lonely we tend to forget why we aren’t with them anymore. In due time things will change to the point of more or different conversation, but don’t fall into the trap now.

  39. John March 17, 2016 at 12:03 pm #

    I’ve actually found reading these articles quite theaputic.. I had a great girlfriend an through not totally dealing with past issues I’ve drove her away. We became close when I was going through a difficult time, she stood by me through everything and now 18months down the line I only have myself to blame for her having ended it. I’m not proud of my actions, she deserved better and it’s taken losing her to see the destructive path I was on.
    It’s been 3 months since we split now an I am getting worse by the day because I know exactly what I’ve lost and how I have let her down.
    We’ve spoken and she’s told me she’s spending time with someone else which has ripped my heart to pieces. It’s exactly what I deserve though.
    I woke up this morning determined to do the no contact thing, but I am struggling.. I’m crying uncontrollably and I literally do hate myself for the things I’ve done. I’ve been so stupid!
    I’m praying for a fresh start, and I know to do that I need to get back to me, deal with all the issues I’ve buried deep inside for far too long. (Self love) I’m hoping oneday she’ll miss me and reach out and we can go for a simple coffee and build something real, from the very beginning this time.
    It’s so hard holding on though, I don’t know why I want to torture myself. I’m even using this thread just as a place to vent.
    I read on here about people losing someone they thought they had something amazing with.. I actually had that too except I’m also the reason it’s ended! That’s a difficult thing to process.
    I regret so much, an I’ve made so many mistakes.. An now I’m getting a hefty dose of karma!
    I’m trying to focus on the positives an some of these messages have helped me knowing what I’m feeling is normal, and it’s helped just to switch off from it all for a few moments whilst reading them

  40. Amy November 4, 2016 at 7:46 am #

    My boyfriend of 2 years suddenly broke up with me saying he could handle my insecurities and his own issues and then the next day he is in a relationship with another girl. I’m am heartbroken I was so in love with him. I mean things weren’t perfect but I thought we were getting through them together. This was my first serious boyfriend and were practically inseparable for the whole time. It’s so hard just want to cry all the time

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