girl, I would leave his ass so quick it would make his head spin. I can understand and feel where you are coming from though, because my ex which is also my baby’s father cheated on me, but it was with one of my good friends and he said he only did it to get back at me from something that happened earlier in our relationship. So I know how you feel and It hurt me SO MUCH to find that out after all we’ve been through and now that we have a baby together, but if he ever promised me he would NEVER cheat on me again, I would NOT EVER go back to him because he has to learn his lesson and if I were to go or If you go back to him then all it would let him know is that he can do whatever he wants and you’ll always forgive him and PLEASE don’t give him that kind of power. Just leave his ass and find someone who really will love you for you and at least enough to NOT EVER cheat on you. LEAVE HIS ASS GIRL AND GET ON WITH YOUR LIFE YOU’LL BE A BIGGER PERSON FOR IT AND YOU’LL ALSO FEEL BETTER ABOUT IT IN THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hope this helps!!!!
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My Darling Joe,

When you began this relationship she was a mother and an educator of young people, therefore she of all people should have known that you are a package deal. If she did not recognize that or respect that or be willing to be a part of the package then you don’t want her in your child’s life.

You are not a stalker, you are heartbroken and before you resent your child for ending this relationship, SNAP OUT OF IT!!!!!!!!! She doesn’t deserve to be a part of yours or your child’s life. She knew what she was getting into and anyone who has been a good mother would respect your devotion to your child and even consider it a breath of fresh air. Makes you wonder what kind of mother she was, doesn’t it? If she did not want to participate in the raising of a young child she should have headed for the hills at the onset. Your pain is real but so is your life including your child. Be glad, if you can, that she is not going to impose her toxcicity on your precious child.

So wipe your tears, feel sad for HER loss and rock on. There are plenty of women who would love you and your child and the two of you deserve no less. When you begin to feel that it is her loss and not yours you can feel true compassion and no regret.

Let’s face it, breaking up is hard to do. Things become familiar and comfortable and who wants to go through that dating thing, starting over again. It takes a great deal of energy and courage but in the end you end up with a worthy partner for you and your child. God speed for you and all of us.

@Priscilla –
Dear Priscilla,

Thank you for your kind words. I read your post about your experience and we have a lot in common. I too miss the intimacy, companionship, comfort and routine. We traveled to Aruba and Italy together and they were wonderful. I also looked toward a future life because we had a lot in common from a lifestyle perspective… but that’s probably where it ended.

I’m seeing a therapist now because I am still greiving the loss and need someone to help sort out answers that I will never truly get from my ex. The therapist has diagnosed my ex as a self-centered person with low self-esteem who’s cup is half empty. She looks for a man to fill her cup and when he no longer is fulfilling this need, she moves on to the next. She also said that she can love someone but does not have the “capacity” for love.

She has been the first person I have let into my heart since my divorce and I gave it 110%. I treated her like a princess and forgave her for her past as well as some of the mean things she said to me. I’ve never broken up with someone I was still in love with, but I had no choice. I’m beating myself up over how I ended being another victim of her shallowness. Despite her feelings about my son, she would have continued the charade and married me if I asked her. I know now that this is the right thing to do, but I’m still hurting.

I think the one thing that is bothering me the most is the thought of her in the arms of another man. It was a sunday night when I went to see her. It was around 9 pm and she was not home. I waited until 10:45 when she finally pulled into her garage. I approached in a kind manner and said I wanted to talk. I asked her where she was so late on a Sunday… she usually was ready for bed and preparing for the next day’s work. She told me she met her girlfriend out for a drink… I knew she was lying because she usually looked perfect, her lipstick always refreshed and her hair perfect as well. When I saw her, she was glassy-eyed, her lipstick was off and her hair messed. I was totally mortified, how could someone who 4 weeks earlier was asking you for an engagement ring, telling you that she could never love anyone else and would be devastated if it ended, be in the arms of someone else so soon?

I replay that picture over and over again in my mind and it makes me sad and sick to my stomach.

I’m trying to replace the positive memories with the bad ones as you suggested but it’s hard. I know it is her loss but the fact that I’m still greiving and she’s not is a hard pill to swallow.

Thank you again for your support. Joe

@Victoria (V) –

i lost my battle heroin now grips me only spliffs am desperatly trying to stop but cant see a way out my ex has a new boyfriend and wont let me see my kids i have a new girlfriend that i have told about my issues and she is becoming worried about being with me i have reached the point of no return it’s all collapsed and so have i. drugs alcohol will not help even though at the time it knocked me to sleep now on sure fire path to hell ce la vie thanks for the advideabout therapy but i’ve decided to let it slide everything my whole life can just slide i’m sick of fighting just to eat a meal totally alone now even though i got a new gf for how long i dont know

Joe,

I am relieved to know that you are seing a therapist. You are so right that we had common experiences. My therapist diagnosed my ex as a Classic Narcisis. His capacity to truly love in the unconditional and commitment sense extended only to himself. He, therefore was very self centered and self absorbed. I made the very common mistake of believing that if I showed him an expression of true love and devotion that he would “get it”. That is a very nice way of saying I thought that I could change him. I see that only now. I was raised to never go into a relationship expecting to change my partner, so I rearranged the labels and convinced myself that wasnot what I was trying to do. I truly loved him and really thought someone had broken him and that he could mend (translation: be fixed).

Never say never, but I sincerely hope I never attempt that again. Why I didn;t recognize this at the time remains a mystery of the heart. I suppose love sometimes robs you of all rationale:).

My therapist was a wonderful godsend. I hope that yours will be too. But know this, you didn’t fall into love with her overnight and you won’t fall out of love overnight. The “snap out of it” comment was ment to say to you to get started in the recovery process, not a crass, emasculating command. You seem to have taken the first step. First steps, not unlike baby steps are good.

Know this, when you complete this particular journey you will be even more ready and suitable for the next. The best of luck to you in this most despairaging process. My wish for you is that one day, sooner,r ather than later it will be you in the arms of another; a better, more authentic, self confident you. She is out there and she will adore you and the life you can share.

I agree on the importance of UNCONDITIONAL self-love (no, not masturbation. I mean a high regard for one’s self). Great article!

@Cat – I’m trying to get to unconditional self-love. After you’ve been beaten down by someone who “loved you” with many conditions, it’s very difficult. I’m still very sad all of the time even though I know that I made the right decision by removing her from my life. I’ve never had to break up with someone that I was in love with, so I feel miserable.

I’ve always been self-confident… I am attractive, look much younger than my age, am very successful yet I feel like a fool. While I continue to mourn the death of the relationship, she moves forward as if it never existed. I’m so hurt.

@Kelly –
Well, I took him back about a month after my post and he just recently let me down again. He began using drugs again and this time he stole from me and put our family in harms way. I had no choice but to walk away again. This will be the last time. I was giving in to the idea of him being sick and having an addiction problem I was forgiving of that since it is an illness. However he began creating situations that were not healthy for any of us. So here I am back a square one morning the loss of a great man (when he wanted to be) and questioning my every decision. Trying to stay happy and positive but crying all the time. I picture him sitting at his father’s house being miserable and sick and wishing I could just tell him to come home. I just want to put my arms around him and make it all better for us both. Ugh! I hurt!

Everyone,

My GF and first everything broke up with me 3 days ago. We had been doing a long distance relationship for 8 months, came back from school this summer and left. We live 4 hours from each other. Her friends are very promiscuous and i always felt nervous about the fact that she would go drink with them and not talk to me. She came down and to break up with me but says she wants to be friends and i still am her best friend. She told me that she is breaking up with me for another guy and i cant get over the fact that she wants to be with another guy but she is the only girl that i have ever. She insists on being friends. She texts me litterally every 15 minutes and i text her back rarely. I know i cant get closure if we still talk but i do it anyways because i have relied on her in that way for 2 years. We still have plans in the future but i know that i should not do that. My friends say that i should just move on and be happy by myself but everytime i try that all i can think about her being happy with that other guy. In the past month, she has done horrible things to me. (skinny dipping with that guy and her friends and sleeping with him) I know this should push me away but it just hurts me that she would do this. I would love to hear from you Eddie but ANY ADVICE ON THIS WILL BE GREATLY APPRECIATED.

things are looking better know i managed to stop using with some help from friends i decided to open up nd ask for help due to fact i wasnt using it very long i managed to pull my self back with some support i’m now back on track and for all you folks i have to reccomend a tune by eddie kendricks can be found on most popular video site called best of strangers nice tune and definetly fitting to how we all feeling and victoria thank you for your advise

Dear Eddie,

This is a cry from a hopeless girl who´s been standing too long on the edge of the abyss.
I came across your website 10 months ago – at the time when my mysery started. I´ve read all the articles and advise and I have to say that at that time it helped me tremendously.

My EX broke up with me unofficially 10 months ago but officially it was maybe 8 or 7 months ago. Apparenty my ex wasn´t happy with the relationship. I know that every break-up is hard but this was even harder because he was seeing another woman at the time when we were still together. Our relationship lasted for 5 years and there were some ups and downs (as in every relationship) but I believed that this is the person I´m gonna spend my life with. He said that he would never leave me nor cheat on me. Well, both things happened. I´m blaming myself because I should have cared more, treated him better and other things. At least this is what he says – put all the blame on me (and I accepted it). Now he says he´s got someone who´s perfect (not like me). I had a very hard time living because he would play this on and off game for a few months – when I was starting to recover a bit he would come to me and said that he loves me and realised that he made a mistake and if I can forgive him. And I did I always did. The next day or just a few hours later he´d come and say that he´s sorry but that he can´t be with me because he wants to be with that other women. This went on for a few months and I was getting deeper and deeper, started smoking, lost so much weight that I looked like ill – I was having constant nervous breakdowns.
I read your advise about no contact rule but I couldn´t keep it because we work in the same organisation and study at the same university. First I thought that I can somehow manage that I´ll try to be in touch with him at work as less as possible, but it is impossible since we have our offices next to each other, we see each other at lunch and have to cooperate on some work things together. So you can imagine how tough it is. I thought I´m strong and can put up with it but I can´t. Eventhough I try not to be around him I can hear his laughter and hear when he´s talking with our colleagues about the holiday he went to or things he did during the weekend (with his new girlfriend). This is as if someone was twisting the knife in my open wound, when I hear this I have to go to my office and I can´t fight the tears. Not to mention that my work effectivity has dropped nearly to the point zero. I used to love my work, I get on very well with my colleagues but I´m no good employee anymore. So when I came home from work I cry and cry not being able to concentrate on anything just trying to pull myself together. Memories are haunting me and I can´t sleep. And then again I come to work (see him) and all that little strength is gone. I got myself into the point when I don´t want to die but I don´t want to live either. God I´m still madly in love with him.
My friend who knows about my struggles told me that I should leave this work (no matter how I love it) otherwise I´ll never heal and I might damage my health and even the worst could come to the worst.
And I´m scared that my leaving is gonna be just running away from the problem not trying to face it and fight it and that I could be even in the worse position if I didn´t have a work.
I don´t know what to do, I´m lost and tired, I´m destroying myself. I know that every time I see him my heart bleeds and I can´t cope. Well than again, even if I leave this work there is still the university that we attend together (it´s only once a month). I lost all the hope that my life is gonna get better, that I´ll be happy again. It´s gonna be a year since he´s been going out with his new girlfriend and it seems to me that Í´m still at the same position (not moving forward).
Please help me.

@Atoosa –

I’m going to start by saying this…you are BETTER than he is, BETTER than she is, and don’t let him make you feel any other way. I too was in a similar situation. With my ex for 10 years (14-24), moved away from my family because his job relocated him, got engaged, bought a house(2007), sounds great right? NOPE! In January of this year (two days after my b-day) he told me he wasn’t happy, that because I don’t trust him, and always ask where he is and who hes with, that he doesn’t love me anymore. I HAD A FEELING THAT HE WAS SLEEPING WITH THE WHORE OF A NEIGHBOUR, BUT HE PROMISED HE WASNT, THAT I WAS CRAZY. So we put the house for sale. Sold it three weeks later. With a move out date of April 1/09, I still had to live with him for 6 weeks. A week into it he started to say that he missed me, loved me, and that we should try and live seperate and see how things go. So I fell for it. We did EVERYTHING engaged people do. Once we moved out of the house we saw less and less of eachother. It hurt like hell when he told me that he liked being on his own. Promised that there was no one else. I tried to move on. I was sick, like you. Once he saw I started to be strong and move on he played his game again. In June he asked me out on a “date.” Like an IDIOT I said YES! We has a romatic date, got caught up, and so it began again. He said he wanted me to trust him. That we should take things slow and rebuild what we had. That he missed me. The whole works. So we did. We were acting like we were engaged again, doing EVERYTHING engaged people do. Just 4 weeks ago he tells me AGAIN that he wants to be alone, to figure out what he wants form his life. 1 week later I find out that he was sleeping and dating our old neighbour (who is 36 with a 20,19, and 15 year old kids, oh and a 1yr old grandchild)…he’s 24, he had being speeling with her for the whole time…she is the reason we split up. He left me for her! It was happening in my own home. Of course when I confronted him he denied it. Said he was dating a 21 year old that he met at a bar..LIES!!! Please please please, don’t look back. You are better off without him. He will keep doing it over and over again for your whole life. You deserve better. I believed it was my fault too, until 4 weeks ago. It is NOT YOUR FAULT!!! He is a complete PRICK!!! You can do so much beter. And as for his and his new toy, they won’t last!!! Trust me. If he did it to you he will do it to her…give it time. Karma is a bitch. He will get what he deserves, and you will get someone soooo much better! Don’t make the mistakes that I made. Dont give him anymore chances. CUT HIM OFF!!! Find a new job. It is the only way to move on. I cut off my ex 4 weeks ago, and I feel great now. Yes I still think about the last 10years, all the memories. Leave it in the past. You will find that you are way happier, no stress, and thats when you will realize how much of a fucking asshole he is. Please cut himm off, find a new job, and you WILL feel better. I have been there. Too many times. Don’t forget… KARMA IS A BITCH. He will get what he deserves. You dont really love him, you cant after all he has done to you. You just dont see it yet. But you will. Good luck, stay strong, good things come to those who wait. He will suffer, its just a matter of time:)

Ang

@Atoosa -

Atoosa,
I read your letter and I would advise that you leave. Healing wont start until you do. It is possible to start your career in another location preferrable another city or state. My ex cheated on me 5 months before we got married (after 10 yrs together), and I found out I was pregnant. He moved in the “married girl” that he cheated on me with the day after I moved out, she finally got pregnant 2 and a half months after me, and married 7 days before my son was born. We lived in a small town, and it was extremely hard to watch them live the live we were supposed to live. I went to court and fought for my right to leave the state and when my son was 2 and a half I finally left. As I was driving away I had the feeling of such relief, although the hurt was still there. It has been 14 years since then and I am doing great, I rarely think about him. The road to recovery was hard but the limited contact was what I needed. I then went to no contact, and had to go through my parents for visitation. Now I havent seen nor spoke to him in several years, I usually text his wife if we need to communicate. I know it hurts soo much right now and that you must feel that the pain will never end. Once you leave and put closure on this relationship you will start to heal. You owe yourself the chance to live your life.

I ended my 3 years relationship with a guy recently. I was in the dark most of the time and was even lied to. The day I found out he has been going out with someone I used to know shattered the amount of trust I had for him. You see this person I used to know decided to end the friendship and a week later, we broke up. This was the same person who had been there with me through everything and at the end of everything i found out that they were all lies and perhaps had certain motives. It does allowed me to think of thousand possible reasons why this happened. What angered me the most was him not being able to let me know that he was going out with her, casually or not. He too wasnt able to let me know of his diminishing feelings for me and instead held on to me/the relationship for another 2 months before I ended it. Now, it seems pretty clear how the both of them have been much closer than ever and sometimes i try not to think so much of it but i cant help it if you know what i mean.

I left because i figured i couldnt continue staying in the relationship and be lied to and kept in the dark. Now, it does gives me the unsettling feeling every now and then. I question myself if i made the right choice but i’m convinced that i did. The break up gave me a clearer picture of how things was like and what kind of a person those people were to me. I guess i learnt a lot from it though you might say it was hard for me to accept reality for a moment. Now that i’ve read this site, i find it enlightening and insightful. Does help a lot and if anyone out there has any opinion etc, i’d love to hear too. Thanks!

Wow… I can’t believe it’s finally over, I mean we’ve been on and off for a while but I didn’t know it’d end like this. At first it was just a silly little relationship, but then I think I actually fell in love with you. I guess you’re not the type to love the girl you’re with. After I take him back each time I thought it’d be alright and we’d stay together forever. But I was so hopelessly wrong. You said you loved me countless times, and I started to believe you. Turns out I was a tool, you were using me, I fell into your trap yet again. You’ve always lied to me, but I was too much of a fool to see it. It’s almost impossible to stay away from you, everywhere I turn I see little pieces of you, all our interests, all our feelings. I always knew he wasn’t perfect, and I always knew we wouldn’t last, but I liked my little dream world where everything was perfect. In no time you were over me, I liked to believe you would fall back in “love” with me and everything would be perfect again. I was his “friend” and I gave him advice. Because he liked my friend. This girl was definitely his type. She was popular and all the boys liked her. She had them all wrapped around her finger. She had a boyfriend, and some more boys chasing after her, and now mine was too. I couldn’t believe it. I was so angry I could break the wall or tear out all my hair. I wanted us to be back together so badly, I wished I was the girl I was when I was fooled and unaware of all the evil stuff going on. I actually think I loved him right before it was over. Everytime he asks me out again I want to just jump into his arms and tell him I love him, but I know it’ll be over again…

Hi everyone there, read your comments….and came to know there are many people around with a broken heart…..but it really hurts a lot, when you love someone more than yourself and you lost that person……in my case it was my fault (i would rather agree that i let him go), he was my first love (and i guess last too),at that time i took lightly and when he left me…..the whole world seem to be changed….every little thing which used to make me laugh….now turned into a disaster….i used to remember him…n almost always used to burst into tears, i tried not to cry or to think of him but that wasnt working…And moreover i started living alone…not wanting to be with friends or anyone…
Now he has moved on, got engagged and i’m still there…i really tried hard to forget him and its been now 4 years….but i’m helpless….many guys came, showed interests, but am acting like i have locked myself into a cage…or a dark closed place where no one could reach me…being very rood to them…anoyed of myself…..many a times i felt like there is no point in living…but cant find a reason to die to…and now just tired of doing anything in life, tired of myself….dont think i’ll again love someone like that…!
i also shared this with my best friend, but after that we end up fighting bcoz she used to tease me in front of everybody…and more i used to miss him…and it was decided that we would not talk on this topic again… but i guess then she realised and after about 2 months she wanted to have a talk…but as i said earlier i locked myself,i did not share anything….and now am feeling very lonely.
I really loved him a lot and now badly miss him whatever i do, be with frieds, watching a movie or even exams….even after so many years!!!….I cant concentrate on my studies….now have understood the importance of friends to be happy in life…but they are also far…
And now when i look back,i think have ruined my life with my own hands…coz everything was so perfect…and thats what make me feel like no living anymore…but am healing up now…..your posts helped out, but it is not enough…help me.

You have no idea how much your kind words helped me. Thank you so much. Thank you. You have inspired hope in me again, and brought tears to my eyes. Thank you.

Hey chief,
thats really nice of you…n true…!!! I’ll really try for what you have suggested…!! I know its not gonna be easy for me…to let go off things..but i have to…!n true that he doesn’t even have any idea what m suffering…i think I’ve suffered a lot…n not anymore now…thanks 4 making me realize that……!!
No one ever explained this thing 2 me like what you have done….
thank you so much..!!!

hi all,

I have used this site for the last 11 weeks scince me and my ex broke up and ive appreciated all the support an help i have got from everyone.

Ive realised now that me and me “ex” will never be back together and although ive gone trough hell and nearly taken my own life over her, i feel now its time to heal and move on, even though im crying inside.

The point is never ever and i mean this let it on to the ex that its bothering you cause thats what they want and they will use this for their own sick games and i know this only too well to my cost.
Smile at them if they pass you (ive no choice as she lives across the road from me)….Give a whistle and a hum love yasself look after yaself, the importance of self love is priority here!!!!

I know what everyone is going through on this site and my thoughts and prayers are with you always….if it wasnt for this site i think id be dead so buck up move on and belive me there are plenty more fish belive me on that!!!!!!!!!!!!!

col xx

hello my bf broke up with me a few days ago. I begged him to give it another try but he says we can only work it out while we are separate i am so miserable. i feel so helpless. I feel so alone. I moved to the same city as him to go to school. we had dated for around 5 years. we had plans to marry after I finished grad school. he was my first bf. i can’t sleep or eat or study. my life is just terrible. I never thought I was so needy or pathetic until now when I am all alone. we were so close to each other. I am trying to follow the advice about not talking to him but i didn’t realize how much I relied on him. he was my very best friend. I never people get that close to me. how am i supposed to get through this? I have things that need to get done but every time I just burst into tears!

My boyfriend of one and a half years broke up with me a week ago. He seems fine, we broke up over jelousy issues. I cant stop talking to him I cant bare the fact that its over. He was my first everything , and i was his. we had so many great times, laughs, inside jokes, everything reminds me of him. Hes basically blocking me away from his life and i can’t control it. When we talk i get upset and say things i don’t mean. Its my first heart break and it hurts like hell i cant control it , my whole world revolved around him , he was my everything

my boyfriend of 3 yrs and i just recently broke up too, and i totally feel ya.. EVERYTHING reminds me of him…. every part of my body, just my self, every song i listen to, food i eat, places i go to, clothes i wear, people i talk to, words i speak, the scent of my shampoo, just every little and big thing. things i never even thought of, our memories from years ago just out of nowhere, pops into my head and my insides just twist and turn, and it’s just killing me… i don’t know who i am without him, i dunno what life is without him.. but i already feel like i can do this, i can get over it, to become a better and stronger person..i mean.. you spent years of life with one person, it’s NORMAL! i tell you one thing, whatever you do or don’t do, it will take time to heal. you know tg, even if you go out with friends, talk to family or whatever, you will ALWAYS just be thinkin about him and distracted, wonder what he’s doing and if he’s thinkin about you at all, wanna cry, just don’t feel like doing anything, BUT STILL go out with your friends, cry in the middle of eating lunch with them if you have to but force yourself not to by yourself(make sure it’s a very supportive friend.. a sister if you have one). it’s tough thinkin MAYBE you will get back together, buT get rid of EVERYTHING that reminds you of him, pictures, gifts, just change yourself so those things don’t remind you of him. now, at night, it will be even harder but i sometimes listen to sad songs, cry my eyeballs out, and read others’ stories.. i know it may seem selfish but think of all the worse cases and you’re not the only one going through this. try doing crazy things like go kart racing, go to shooting range, etc. you know what i noticed helps A LOT??? LOTS AND LOTS OF ICE CREAM(man, sugar helps) AND WORK OUT!!!! work out like a maniac. cry all you want. get yourself out there. try to get new hobbies like knitting… DO nOT! DO NOT contact him.

Joe..

I’m exactly in your shoes.. My boyfriend who called me the perfect one for himself, one day out of the blue started to act weired and after a while I come to know he was seeing the HR of my company( yes he was my colleague too). We both were together always and he wanted me to join that work place so that we both would be together. But he ended up with that woman. She on the other hand was someone I was approaching to solve my issues with my guy coz I knew he was being good frds with her(apparently) and I didn’t even know that it was the same person my guy was fooling around with! I am so humiliated and feel like crap between those two, now that I came to know what exactly was happening.
I don’t even know how to get outta this coz that guy broke up with me putting all the blame on me for a few things said and done to hop outta his guilt feeling I believe.. And still claimed he loves me and that no one can take my place!! whats that supposed to mean?! If you love why would you leave.. But whatever it is.. I’ve never suffered so much in my entire life and still going through it and the thought that they both are all together and happy, laughing behind my back is a master killer.. I suddenly wake up from sleep almost everyday with such kinda thoughts still haunting me, even in my sleep.. Only God(if He exists) and I know what I’m going through. God forbid this happening to any sensitive people out there.

I don’t know how to get outta this thing. I’ve tried to quit the job but my boss only allowed me to take a break and come back in a month or two. By that time I dunno what is gonna happen or how I might become.. The thought of getting back to work itself is scary..
Coz I’m just stagnant and unable to move on from him yet..

How can people be so rude, mean, emotionless and value less… Most importantly how can they forget “love” and “Promises made”

I broke up from my bf 3 days ago, after 4 months of absolute torture.
I must admit I loved him, so bad. In summer, after almost 2 years of living together, he cheated on me abroad. Of course he got cute Chlamydia, otherwise he probably never had told me. He said he loved me, and proposed soon after. I accepted, I still don`t know why.
And here I am,crying my heart out, in pain and agony, I have never felt before. I guess he was the love of my life, but things could not simply go on the way they used to.
Will I ever get over him, I don`t know. I turn 24 in spring, and I have wasted almost 3 years on him. And I can not move out until end of november, and he is sleeping in the other room, and I, in bed, where we once were so close.

My boyfriend of five months broke up with me 2 weeks today. We started fighting the week before we broke up and I noticed he was acting really weird. Instead of being nice and caring like he had always been he started acting like a jerk and getting mad alot. One day we decided to talk at lunch at school. He said he wanted to be with me but he also didnt. He wanted to because he stil had feelings for me, but he didn’t because he was starting to loose them and there is other people out there. I said that I felt the same. We decided we were going to hang out on the weekend and see how it went, then the belll rang. I said that if he was intrested in anybody else then we could just be friends but if not then we could try to get back to normal. He replied with “Sorry were just going to have to be friends” I couldnt believe it, i wasnt sure if he was being serious or not but I went to class. After the next two classes I seen him outside of the school in the front. I walked up to him and asked him who he was intrested in, he said nobody but somebody liked him. Someone he had been hanging out with because she is like a ’sister’ to him. I said I thought you loved me? He said I do and I said so whats this? he said i dont know. Its not fair that i’ve been around this hole time then I just get dumped for another girl. I asked him if he wanted to hang out on the weekend and he said he thinks we should just move on. I was absolutely crushed. The next week at school he carried on like nothing was wrong, while I cried every night… This following weekend he texted me telling me he was upset because he loved me and its so hard to let go. This really confused me cause I thought he didnt want to be with me anymore? I’ve had my hopes up that we are going to get back together because that is what I want wether I deny it or not.. Now he said he is good and feels better, but i’m not I hate the change. Were friends and we talk often and it hurts alot. I know that I will get over him but I don’t know how long its going to take.

Wow, this sounds like exactly what happened between me and my boyfriend. I hate to admit it to you, but hes falling for this other girl and he is way too scared to tell you. The fact that he mentioned one specific girl indicates that hes not concerned with going out and meeting ” other people” hes actually into this ONE person and knows he cant pursue them because of you. I know because I’m going through the same thing right now with my boyfriend. I thought I was in LOVE with him, and then I met someone who I just clicked with. I wasn’t looking, I wasn’t putting myself out there, but something in this persons eyes made me more interested. So interested that I started losing focus with my boyfriend and started to have actually feelings for this new guy. I was scared of losing my boyfriend so I never told him about the other guy. I hate to say it but its to protect him, I am a terrible person and should just tell him about the other guy, but I’m too selfish, because as messed up as this sounds, I would want my ex boyfriend to still be around if things didn’t work out between me and the new guy. So basically he’s stringing you along. I think anyone can agree, its not your fault and you should just be the one to move on. Closure is so hard, but when you find someone better than him you will have no problem moving on. Until then, cry, get mad, get angry, and then go out and meet new people, life will ALWAYS go on!

@Taylor –

Taylor,

You can’t have feelings for the person and hang out/be friends pretending that there is nothing there. It would just hurt too much and you’ll never stop hoping while you are around them, that something will change at some point (and by change i mean getting back together with him). This is a torture, and it will not allow you to move on. You need to decide for yourself whether you would still want to give that person a second chance after the talk you had and the developments that followed. But once you have decided, consider the relationship a closed chapter, that is, don’t look back and just walk on to your new life. I know it sounds easier said than done, and disbelief is the first thing that strikes you when someone you have been so close with says ‘it’s over’, but you have to live your life for yourself – can you really switch every two weeks that he changes his mind? It would emotionally exhaust you, trust me. I’ve been on the other side and theirs isn’t too easy either – probably the person still has some feelings for you and probably feels very guilty for breaking up, but once the shadow of the doubt is there, it really isn’t the same, unless you have been together for a really long time and you are both willing and able to work it out. Really, things rarely change beyond this point…You can end up getting back together and breaking up again, and I’ve done that, and trust me, it is much more painful than taking the decision once and sticking to it. And, really, if you have some feelings for the person, do not stay with them just as a back-up option – it may seem more secure to you now, but it is really a great waste of time for both of you, it is emotionally confusing, and it doesn’t show the proper respect for the person you are with. I’ve been there and I know how you feel but getting used to insecurity is a very important part of life, and it gives you an opportunity to really grow as a person through the experience. Don’t deny yourself that chance,

hey everyone…..i just wanted some advice…maybe someone can help. well….me and my boyfriend of 4 years broke up about 3 months ago. we have a 3 year old daughter together. but he decided that he just wanted a year to himself then we would see where we are at with everything. but all of a sudden like 3 or 4 days ago he started to act a little rude to me but i just ignored it so all of a sudden yesterday he said he didnt want to be with me. so i cried my eyes out and i said all the things that i was holding in all this time. he was just full of lies and mood swings. im just so confused and i dont know what to do anymore cuz i gotta deal with him for the rest of my life bcuz i have a little girl with him and he will continue to be in her life…he tells me that its my fault bcuz i dont trust him (obviously u cant trust someone who lies 24/7) and that he just doesnt love me anymore and that he cares about me but not in that way. its just so amazing to me that he can just walk away from this relationship after we have been through EVERYTHING with each other. i was always there for him and always thought for him for everything and i think that was the reason why this didnt work…bcuz he felt like he had me wrapped around his finger so it made him feel good and he always said”u will never leave me”… it drives me crazy and i just dont know what to do bcuz i know that i need to think about my daughter and about getting my life in order but its so hard when i see him so often and my daughter talks about him and asks why we arent living with him and i dont even know what to say. im just afraid that she is gonna grow up and feel bad. if he has another family and other kids, i dont want her to think that she wasnt good enough so he went and had other kids…its hurts me so much bcuz he is being so selish and thinking of noone but himself. he doesnt even think about our daughters feelings. im also afraid of having to split custody of my daughter if it ever comes to court bcuz i dont want to have to throw my daughter from one household to the next. his friends and family are not a great help either….they always brainwash him. thx for reading = ) if anyone has any advice please dont hesitate to help ….thx