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What I Wish Someone Had Told Me Right After My Breakup

Photo by h.koppdelaney

When you find yourself alone after a break-up, the majority of your prospective problems right after will come from the fact that you are now on unknown, potentially hostile territory.

Like you’ve been transported to another frightening reality.

You feel alone, scared, not knowing what the future holds for you. A whole new range of emotions keep pattering on you, making you not recognize yourself.

The first few weeks are confusing and disturbing.

So, the foremost purpose of this article is to give you strength and hope to make it through this undefined, and uncharted territory at the beginning of a break-up.

I will try to show you what is waiting for you, both the good and the ugly stuff – a map through that dark territory.

So please read carefully.  Everything you will read is based on experience from so many who have made it through this, and who have came out as a better version of themselves.

It will help you to get some clarity during this confusing time, where nothing seems to make sense.

Please read on.

A Silver Lining

Yesterday, I caught myself observing my wife while she was reading a book.  She has this special, weird way that she holds the book in one hand, and rests her forehand on the other.

I suddenly started thinking about how incredibly lucky I am.

If I could have constructed a woman that would fit best with me and the person I am, it would be exactly someone like her.

In fact, she is even better than I could have constructed, because she is NOT perfect.

Perfection doesn’t exist, and if it did, I am convinced that we would bore ourselves to death with a perfect partner.

Instead, my wife is challenging, constantly testing my boundaries, spicing up my life with her colorful, emotional facets.

In that moment I thought – what would have happened if somebody were to give me this exact picture of her, and her description, back during the very beginning of MY break-up?

How would I have felt if I KNEW that one day in the future, I would have HER by my side, loving me, accepting me as I am, and standing beside me no matter what?

Would my pain have gone away instantly? Would I have been relieved? Would I somehow have changed my way?

The answer is most probably NOT… because break-up recovery is not about sudden epiphanies that have the power to change everything.

We must understand that there isn’t a set of words, a magic pill, or a glance into the future that can heal us over-night.

It is about a process. A journey during which we change ourselves for the better.

The Panic

Right after the split, you feel a numbness, as if something strange has happened, and you are not really sure what.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t last long.  Soon you will enter a new phase, and experience sheer, archaic “I-can’t-make-it-alone”, existential panic.

The kind of panic the stone age man experienced when he found himself abandoned and alone, surrounded by wild animals.

It’s an irrational, deep-wired fight-or-flight fear, that makes us do all the stupid things we do… like pleading, calling or harassing our exes.

MORE: Have YOU Made These Mistakes After Your Relationship Break Up?

What you must do, is simply accept this, and understand that this panic is NOT you – it’s just an automated reaction to an existential threat.

After that comes the pain.

The Pain

And for the time being, the pain IS there. You MUST accept this.

By tind

The pain is there simply because the relationship mattered to you. You felt an honest, passionate, authentic, deep-down LOVE for your partner.

And that is a GREAT thing. That’s a wonderful thing.

That means that you CAN feel honest love, that you are capable of believing in someone, cherishing the people that you care most about.

And that is the foundation of every fulfilling, long term relationship.

Whoever becomes your partner in the, (maybe not so distant), future WILL know how to appreciate that… they will be lucky to have found YOU!

My wife isn’t like my ex at ALL. And back during my breakup, I really thought that it would be absolutely impossible to ever find someone again who was THAT compatible to me, like I thought my ex was.

Man, was I wrong.

I did’t even know what was possible. It’s like I had read two pages of the big book of relationships, and thought I knew what I wanted and needed.

So far from the truth.

The No Contact Rule

You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you just might find
You get what you need
– Rolling Stones

I know that you feel the urge to contact your ex, to talk to them, to ask them what the hell happened, to just see them one more time.

It’s a normal, human reaction.

But, hold on here – trust me when I say this because I’ve been doing this since 2005 – the truth is, you WON’T find relief in talking to them.  You WON’T find the answers. You WON’T find closure.

All you will find is pain and frustration.

I understand that you are hoping to get them back. I understand that you want to stay friends with them so they don’t disappear completely out of your life.

I know all of that.

But you must trust me now, and believe in my expert knowledge, that this is a HUGE mistake. You have to start the 60 days of No-Contact, (join my free newsletter and I walk you through it step-by-step).

If you think that you can’t do that, or you just don’t want to, then you do what you have to do… and see where it gets you.

I don’t mean that in a bad way… some of us simply need to go through this experience before committing ourselves to the No Contact Rule.

Following this rule is THE essential factor IF you want to get OVER your Ex the fastest, and “cleanest”, way possible.

And IF there is the slightest, infinitesimal chance of getting back together again, you will make the best out of it if you manage to re-gain your true-self, and think with your head, instead of your bleeding heart.

This is the first active step you must take on your own.

I can’t make you.

I can show you the way, but you have to stand up and go.

Believe me, I know how you feel. I know your pain. I’ve gone through every single phase of it, back and forth. I know how hard it is to do ANYTHING.

But IF you want to get better, you must be ACTIVE. Passiveness will kill you.

Stand up and fight for your life and happiness!

The Guilt

You’ve made mistakes? So what? Welcome to the club! Are you human, or are you a computer?

I’ve made lots of mistakes. But with every mistake I’ve made, I have also made a step forward in my personal development.

Have I blamed myself for the break-up?

You bet I have. The mere thought that I had been the one who messed it up, was absolutely unbearable.

But you know what? Ultimately it didn’t matter.

Because with time, I’ve made two major realizations:

1. I couldn’t possibly be responsible for the breakup all alone
There are always two people in a relationship who contribute to its well-being, or not. Everyone has needs, and some of them were not met by the partner – this is nobody’s fault.

2. The person I WAS made mistakes
The breakup changed me.  I am another person now. I couldn’t have reacted differently, because that’s who I was back then. I learned from these mistakes, and I will never do them again.

Let me tell you one thing, and please read carefully:

There is nothing wrong with you!

Let that sink in.

There is nothing wrong with you!

Stop playing out all those “what-ifs”, and “if-onlys” in your head.  They are sucking the energy out of you… energy you need right know.

It’s a game you can’t win.

An Opportunity

You should be open to the notion – even if your pain clouds your judgement right now – that this is a wonderful opportunity.

I really mean that.

You have been presented an opportunity to identify, and investigate, what needs changing in your life, and the chance to CHANGE it.

The reason why you have such difficulties with this breakup, is that there is an issue to resolve. An issue that is most probably standing in your way throughout your whole life, whether you realize it or not.

NOW is the best time to put your finger on this issue, and actively work on it.

The reason why people go through this relationship-breakup cycle again and again, is because they rebound quickly, (or even worse – overlap), and don’t take the time to work on themselves.

MORE: The Relationship-Breakup Cycle

A breakup works quite like a reset in a way, where you CAN choose who you want to become after that. You can re-build yourself from the ground up.

You can be incredibly selfish, do what you want to do, when you want to do it. You can choose to appreciate and enjoy this given freedom.

You can acknowledge that YOU are unique.

There is no other person in this world who has your special combination of abilities, talents, appearance, personality, beliefs, aspirations and creativity.

So treat yourself good, treat yourself with respect. Don’t engage in activities that dishonor that like trying to numb the pain with alcohol, drugs, or casual sex just to “get over them”.

Because it doesn’t help. It helps temporarily, but it will backfire terribly. And you will hate yourself for it….

You ARE unique.

You will learn to love yourself for that.

The Learning

At first you will have no clue about what happened. Absolutely no idea why they suddenly decided, for you both, that this relationship didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell.

To you, it’s like an alien took them over, and made them do things they would never, ever do.

You will rack your brain trying to figure it out.

I know that you think it is of vital importance that you learn the reasons for your breakup. You think this knowledge has the power to turn things around.

But it won’t.

I know from experience, that at the very beginning, it is quite impossible to fully grasp the dimensions of all the reasons that ultimately led to the split.

You are simply blocked through the pain and don’t have the needed emotional detachment yet. You are seeing the relationship through rose colored glasses that don’t permit any critical reasoning.

You’ve put your Ex on a pedestal.

There are two major insights that a break-up recovery process can give you, (if you let it):

1. Deep level knowledge about yourself – who you are and what makes you tick

2. Realizations about your relationship – how it really was and why it failed

You will learn what went wrong, you will learn how good or bad your relationship really was, you will learn what you can do better in your next relationship, and most of all, you will learn what you want and need in a relationship.

And when you do, you will suddenly understand what I mean by saying that this break-up is an opportunity.

Conclusion

A very old friend of mine, who was homeless for a few years, said to me the following:

“Since I had this terrible experience, and survived, I knew that whatever life throws at me I can handle. I became fearless.”

And this is what I want for you.

After this experience – this break-up or divorce – after you have fought and survived, after you have cried and bled, after this excruciating time, there will be nothing left to fear.

Because you’ve made it.

You won’t be clingy anymore, you won’t be attached and attracted to a partner who is so wrong for you. You won’t ever live a life in silent despair because of an unhappy relationship.

Because you’ve made it.

And you will go out there again, and don’t rest or stop until you’ve found the ONE who is waiting for you.

And it will be right…

I look at my wife and think how glad I am that my ex left me back then. I look at the kids who wouldn’t exist, think of the hundreds of clients that I’ve helped…

All made possible by this one night in September so long ago, when she said she didn’t love me anymore… and my world crumbled.

And look at it now!

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

106 Responses to What I Wish Someone Had Told Me Right After My Breakup

  1. Anna August 17, 2015 at 7:19 am #

    How do you do no contact if you are going through a divorce and have children?

    • Deva September 29, 2016 at 3:10 pm #

      i have been in two breakups but not a divorce….but what i have learnt through my experiences is that, no contact might not always be not to at all be incontact, but to act relaxed and sober….whenever you meet your ex be it in the processes that your going through, dont talk to her without any need of the process of divorce, no complaints, dont listen to her personal questions…just give a smile and relax and go through the process with a smile on your face…let them regret what they just lost….be calm and respect and love yourself…

    • Kiki October 1, 2016 at 7:44 pm #

      Hi Eddie , I’m 4 months post break up and yes it is a cycle.I truly believe now that once that breakup occurs the trust is damaged and that is in my opinion irrepairable.
      I like to think of a relationship like a car ,a fab shiny high end car you adore ,but once the break up has occurred that fab car is totalled ,it’s crushed and broken.
      No amount of trying ,fixing,hoping will undo the damage that’s done.
      I like to think of contacting the ex as trying to start the engine of the crushed car , even if you manage to get it started aka contact from ex ,you cannot drive around in a totalled car unless you want to hurt yourself badly.
      Yes it’s so hard in the beginning I cried gained weight then lost weight I was depressed and thought it would never end ,yes I tried to restart the engine until I realised something.
      It was this thought that finally helped me.
      imagine my ex did come back or contacted ,what the heck am I supposed to say or do ,inside I know the damage was done despite my pain it can’t be undone.i realised that the relationship can never be what I thought it was ever again .
      After this my feeling shut down ,it’s like my subconscious mind switched off all those feelings towards my ex because despite hurt and rejection etc I know for me the damage was done and the car needs to be scrapped .

  2. Jane September 9, 2015 at 6:55 pm #

    What if you went though six terrible dating situations in 10 months from a dating site and the last one dumped you out of the blue after buying you dinners, a bike, jewellery, clothes, giving you money…but Im out of work and hes not healthy and I got his health a lot better and you are alone in a city with no family or friends?? What then? And your low income…..

  3. brokenangel September 15, 2015 at 10:55 am #

    I was just dumped by the guy I had dated for 3 months. I wouldn’t call him a bf as Eddie said, I’m not sure if there was love in the first place. I’m in my late 30s and have had various relationships so more or less I know how to control my emotion. But this one was extremely painful as this guy was everything I want in a man, intelligent, knowledgeable, with great sense of humor, and not to mention he’s handsome and successful. He somehow made me believe that he really want have a future with me so I totally opened myself up to him.

    We met from a dating website and we live in different countries. We wrote emails, text, and video chat at first and everything went so well. Then he came to my country to meet me, and we got intimate physically. Still everything was good by that time, and we talked about I relocating to his country, meeting with his family, etc, even about having babies. Then two weeks after he went back home, he broke up with me. He said stuff like I did nothing wrong but he thought we wouldn’t be happy together, he’s very sorry and he believed I would find the right one very soon! Yet he did it in such a sincere and decent way that I couldn’t even hate him. I just sent him a message wish him all the best and then I cut all the contact. He once joked about that I might hurt his feelings and it’s like a slap on my face that it ended up with my heart broken badly.

    D1 I was just numbed (exactly what Eddie described in one of the articles), as if it was not real. Until D2 morning I finally realized what it meant to me and was devastated. I couldn’t stop my tears even at work, kept beating myself up by figuring what I did wrong with all the negative emotions, depression, self-denial, self-doubt, etc, until I was too exhausted to cry I fell asleep. And I did something I knew was very wrong but couldn’t help myself – I desperately looked for a rebound relationship, contacted every man I could reach. And today, D3, I woke up with a clearer mind. My brain knows when he said we are not right for each other then we are not right for each other. But my heart is hoping he will come back. I check my email and cellphone every 1 min hoping to get something from him. And I can’t get over the self-denial. I still think what he said about I did nothing wrong was bulls**t. It’s simply I was not attractive enough to him. Not young enough, not pretty enough or not sexy enough? I don’t know and I get it that I probably will never know what it was.

    I’m very grateful that I found this website on D1. I went through all the posts and comments related to surviving a breakup. I’ve had most of the feelings Eddie mentioned and it helped a lot!!! Eddie, I really want to send you my big thank-you. I posted my story here to let other readers know you are not alone !! We can get through this together. And also, I still can’t answer Eddie’s first very important question – if I want him back. Deep inside my heart the answer is yes. So I know I have long way to go. I hope to get positive energy and encouragement here.

  4. Cadence September 25, 2015 at 5:45 am #

    I just wanted to say how much this article touched me. It was like you wrote about my exact experience. Monday marks a year for the break up. We were together for 5 years and there were moments where I felt like I could never smile again. You survive. I learned more about myself in this last year than in my entire life. Although I still think of my ex everyday, I know that it was for the best and that one day I will find that special person. Break ups are a process but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

  5. Susan October 2, 2015 at 3:54 pm #

    I have purchased Eddie’s guide and it is my roadmap to getting through this.

    My longterm relationship was 22 years until last week, when I received a text that he is moving his life on.

    He is my boss. We’d ride to work together every day, have lunch together every day, spend the entire day together, shared our families and our physical intimacy, and have been one another’s best friend.

    I am whip-sawed by the confusion and hurt I feel. I wrote Eddie’s no-contact letter to him in a text.

    I understand his taking this action speaks about him and not about me, but because it’s been 22 years, I question my very identity now.

    We both hold upper-level management directorships. I have been at this job for 25 years. I’d rather not go job hunting at the age of 60.

    I am now closing my office door at all times and wearing sound-cancelling Bose earphones (his voice carries). Had our first meeting where we were both present yesterday. I was fine until I saw his hand on the table out of the corner of my eye and then had to choke down the lump in my throat.

    Any one else dealing with no-contact and your ex is at work? I need to know that this gets better. Thanks.

  6. Chicabonita77 October 23, 2015 at 8:10 pm #

    If I can reach out to one person then I will be happy. Let me begin by telling you that I am married, and I made a terrible mistake by getting involved with someone I had no business getting involved with in the first place.
    Earlier this year 2015, I went on a work trip on behalf of my husband and met the man who would change my world completely.
    We met, and the funny thing was that he never sparked my attention. As we were waiting for a cab I caught him staring at me, and he quickly looked away. He later asked me for my phone number and the rest is history. We started chatting via text and went out to lunch one day, then that led to subsequent meetings that later led to our first kiss. Which was probably the most magical moment in my life. We did things together as if we were dating, a hiking trip, museums, botanical garden walks, afternoon coffee. Everytime I was with him my feelings got stronger and stronger. He was amazing, he was foreign from another country and he was facinating to me. Did I mention he also had a fiance at home. It was a volcano waititng to explode. I feel in love with him, we had mindblowing intimacy that made matters worst. Slowly but surely after he got what he wanted he started to slip away, yes the texts were constant (daily even on weekend) super loving and sweet but he wouldn’t make time for me. We had a 2 week rule, where we promised eachother that we wouldn’t go two weeks without seeing eachother. He quickly broke that rule. I decided to end it, at first as broken angel said it I was cool calm and collected. I felt empowered because I had done it.. Hey I wasn’t the one that was dumped… He sent me the sweetest message that I will always be in his heart and mind forever… D2 It all came crashing down…. I wanted to DIE… Crying at work in the bathroom, screaming into pillows just not to go nutz… stopping myself from texting him I am sorry I love you please come back. My situation is completely different but still it hurts. It is wrong on soooo many levels please don’t judge me, but I am married to a much older man, whom i love and who adores me… this guy is very close to my age and we had so much in common. Energy levels, generational and same goals in life. I am still working on D2. This article really helped because I felt sooo cheap and worthless crying over someone that never really loved me… but I fell for soo hard the pain is real and almost unimaginable. But when you start being unhealthy ( I lost 10 lbs) over the course of any relationship it’s time to cut your losses and move on. I am still working on the no contact rule, which is probably the hardest. I look forward to the day that I can speak with him again, and feel nothing… I hope that day will come. I really want to be healthy again and go back to my old life which honestly was just fine!!! until i met this man.. I am crazy about him still but this relationship made me crazy therefore I had to let it go… Letting go doesn’t mean removing this person from your heart, it;s just realizing they can no longer be part of your life.

  7. Unbelievably cold November 4, 2015 at 10:54 pm #

    Hi, here is my story as cold as it is, i had been living with my girlfriend for 10 years in a house she owned, she had decided that she would put it up for sale and buy a condo, this happened while i was taking my mom on a cruise i got an email stating that she had looked at a condo and was going to make an offer on it all the while without consulting me which put me on edge right away , anyways about a week before we were to move she asked me if i could stay elsewhere for that week to make it easier to keep the house clean and staged for viewings , i agreed and stayed at a friends place, the next day i returned to help pack and she told me that she rhought it best if i got my own place and that we were never anything more than room mates , so instantly i was homeless and single

  8. Guardian of Destruction November 15, 2015 at 7:53 pm #

    I really needed to hear this. Thank you

  9. Jose January 29, 2016 at 11:50 am #

    I was dumped by a girl I had loved for two and half year.She was my first love.I gave her all this world can afford.I finished college a year before her and was going to see her daily at college. I had taken her home and everyone was expecting a wedding this year, even though I could feel something was wrong,I always pursued her and would even apologize for her mistakes.I was a fool,atleast for now.even though she behaved like a niice marriage material girl,my instincts would tell me to be cautious, she was a gambler, now I know.I had good career and I would support her emotionally and financially, meeting her daily and being faithful to her,Three weeks ago,she unfriended me on Facebook and wondered why,when I confronted her,she couldn’t talk or say anything. She expected me to read her silence. When I stalked her further, I noticed she got engaged to another person.she was all I had, I almost took my life.I called her and questioned her abt it and why she didn’t mention to me all this long,When she fumbled, I realised I had lost, she told me to be strong,and to get over it then be her friend.I got mad because I had invested my all in her. My Body literally shut down. I couldn’t attend to my clients. I dissapointed everyone in the society, it was sad. It’s been a week now,am trying to apply NC rule.,I got mad and abused her,but she has always going silent since then,how I wish I read the signs,how I wish it didn’t happen.How I wish I wasn’t that clingy and Mr.Niice guy.i cry even as I post this.

  10. Chris February 15, 2016 at 10:40 pm #

    Thanks Eddie!

    I have to tell you….I am hurting so bad, I desperately went looking online, and read through several articles, that just didn’t QUITE speak to me…and then I came to your site. I read your blog post, slowly, like being in ICU and gingerly sipping broth, a word at a time. I’m hurt THAT badly (part of which is self-inflicted from NOT doing No Contact, I’m FINALLY seeing).

    You are speaking to EXACTLY what I am feeling, nearly word-for-word…..and although I feel like I have been run over by a truck repeatedly (and your story about DANCING AT YOUR EX’S WEDDING is WAY too hard for me to swallow, right now), what you are saying is giving me just enough HOPE, to start to imagine I have a future that can be bright, and perhaps it IS possible to triumph from this experience….

    That it might even BE EXACTLY what I need, to bring me out of my rut. (I mean–I DON’T feel strong enough, to do more than weakly hold that idea in my head, at the moment. But I can do that, and it’s a start.)

    I KNEW I had long-standing issues in my life….my girlfriend was a BAND-AID or a ‘short cut’ that let me suddenly ‘succeed’ without dealing with those–except, they came back to sabotage things….

    I didn’t know anything could hurt like this. I thought I knew what ‘heartbreak’ was…but I didn’t have a CLUE. It was cool, that you mentioned your breakup took place on a ‘night in September’–mine too. You were 35….I am 44. I felt like my situation was so different, from the 20-somethings writing the other blogs.

    At 43, I had my first serious relationship (she’s a co-worker, divorced and 38). We were together for 18 months, and I had just bought a house, for us to move in together (I also had a ring & planned to propose to her on her birthday three months later). I got stressed out with the move, and she got pissed I wasn’t spending time with her for a couple weeks. That was the straw that brought everything crashing down. We had ‘the talk’ and she said we’d be ‘better as friends’–six weeks later, she’s in a relationship with another co-worker (married five times, four from the workplace), right in front of me every day. Today, they left on vacation together to Arizona, to meet his parents. It’s brutal.

    I am taking it, a minute at a time, sometimes. You have the most solid advice, Eddie. Thanks for sharing it. I look forward to someday being able to look back, as you do, and be filled with gratitude. But for now, I have more bad days than good. I am going to try NC…although it is somewhat nearly impossible due to my work situation. It is also a small town, so I run into her (completely unintentionally) outside of work, and nearly every place in town, is someplace we went to together, etc. So it is very hard. Still, I am going to follow what you say, and believe for triumph. Right now I am so weak tho.

    • Eddie Corbano February 16, 2016 at 11:17 am #

      Chris, thank you so much for your feedback and for sharing what you’re going through right now.

      And yes, I’m sure that you will be able to look back and feel the gratitude that I feel today despite the hurt and pain I went through.

      As you said, for now take it one day at a time.

      Hang in there!

      • Chris February 17, 2016 at 5:09 pm #

        Hi Eddie,

        Thanks for your encouragement.

        I was wondering if I could throw something at you, and get your reaction, coming from being successfully many years past your breakup, and with the perspective from working with many clients’ situations:

        Although I have read ‘traditionally’ it’s a bad idea to try to get back into another relationship quickly, in my own case (being older, and having spent most of my adult life alone, and also now seeing my ex with someone else every day) I felt such a hole going to ‘nothing’ that I went searching on several online dating sites–which was painful and empty and fruitless.

        Except then–I pulled up one profile of a girl, two years younger than me, a few dozen miles away–and her profile is written EXACTLY as if to me personally….it resonated utterly with my own interests and passions, spoke to a real ‘me’ that I’d almost forgotten, or set aside…..and she’s TOTALLY different than my ex! In a flash, my perspective on WHY I was with my ex, changed. (This is the first time I can recall, a WRITTEN PROFILE, mattering more to me than the photo…although she is appealing looks-wise too.)

        This new girl gave me HOPE….I messaged her, several times….she has not viewed any of them (the MatchMaker.com site, does not display if she’s been online), and it has been two weeks now. But–I copied her picture, and I find myself leaning on the IDEA of her, specifically—that there ACTUALLY IS somebody, that is a better fit for me, than my ex—not just in THEORY, but for real (my age, nice-looking, with a description that seems like my soulmate—even in my small little town where there is ‘nobody’ available—all the objections my head gives me, telling me my ex was the ‘one and only chance I’d get.’

        What do you think? Is using the idea of her as a crutch, helping me to heal, or am I setting myself up/blocking dealing with things?

        Thanks,
        Chris

  11. Royalone February 19, 2016 at 6:44 pm #

    This was an amazing article. I liked how you broke down how realistic we must be when dealing with each phase and understanding that we MUST push ourselves to face the reality that the relationship was broken but we must move on. I think a lot of the pain is due to being in love with the “fantasy” instead of the person. Usually, it’s because people have not invested enough time in really getting to KNOW the person and understanding that it takes time to build true love…lust fades. That’s why so many relationship burn out so quickly. I was open to dating someone but one of the things that I will tell anyone is to always listen to intuition it never lies and is your best friend. It’s very different than an insecurity if something feels off, then it probably is and you need to address it with your partner–not in an accusatory or defensive manner but one that’s authentic and genuine–plus respectful.
    My ex was a horrible individual to me but you can only allow people to treat you badly. Do what’s best for you–allow someone to EARN your trust and take anything at face value. Love is not a fairytale. It’s work but it shouldn’t make you feel like you’re the worse person on Earth. Love and light to everyone who has gotten their heart broken; seeking to find acceptance for breaking someone’s heart and seeking true love.

  12. Andy March 13, 2016 at 5:54 pm #

    What an empowering read. I am still in the very early stages of a broken engagement (two weeks). We were together for eight years and engaged for going on two years.

    She told me during our “exit interview” that she was leaving the door partially open. If I could make the changes to stop my negative behavior and she were still single I could “see what she’s up to then”.

    Up until the last 24 hours she and I would talk and/or text everyday. Just two days ago we had some fantastic interaction. But that all came crashing down yesterday. She sent me a text at 12:30am asking, “still awake”? Well I wasn’t. I waited until around 5pm the next day to reach out to her and nothing. Again I texted an hour later, still nothing. My third text also went unanswered. It’s now a waiting game for me. I’m not going to reach out to her again. It seems that somehow someone must have gotten into her ear . It’s either that or pure passive aggression in her part for my not responding to her late night text. Whatever the reason, she seems to be going NC just one day after bombarding me with all kinds of things, such as a pic of her and her daughter together smiling and in full mother – daughter embrace at OSU.

    This made me very confused and searching for an answer, which is how I ended up here.

    Does anybody have any thoughts on this? I would greatly appreciate it!

    Thank you Mr. Corbano for such an empowering article. I plan to share it with my counselor on Tuesday in the hope she can better help me to actually internalize it.

  13. Michelle March 16, 2016 at 9:27 pm #

    How do I get over the embarrassment of the constant begging I’ve done reaching out to him since we split 2.5 months ago? He has now blocked me from communication and I feel even worse. We were great one moment then gone the next. It left me extremely confused and I wanted to find answers. Then after 1 month he began flirting online with a girl and he knew I could see it. I even reached out to him and told him it hurt but didn’t have the strength to delete him. He should have deleted me then, now they are dating and that has made the reaching out worse, especially if I drink. I just want to gain my self-respect back.

  14. Lynette March 21, 2016 at 2:03 am #

    Every one of your articles are fantastic. Even though I know all of this deep down, I had one of those gut-wrenchingly difficult days and couldn’t get him off my mind and just needed relief. I googled a few words and stumbled on your site and your articles have me feeling 80% better than I did a few hours ago. I’m certain I’ll be okay! Thanks so much for the great insight.

    • Eddie Corbano March 21, 2016 at 8:36 pm #

      Thank you Lynette.

      Hang in there … you are not alone!

  15. Gina September 15, 2016 at 11:06 am #

    Really needed this right now. I was literally crying reading it. I feel so blessed to have come across this article. Thank you and God Bless

  16. Andy September 26, 2016 at 5:43 am #

    2 words! THANK YOU!!!!

  17. Adrian October 21, 2016 at 7:19 pm #

    She just left me few days ago, 9 years of relationship ended brutally on the phone… I knew her since I was 21 years old… I feel completely lost without her she was like my second self now I feel so much alone… Every time I go through my daily life it reminds me moments I had with her …. our relationship wasn’t perfect but I thought we could overcome anything… I feel so much regrets I wish I could go back in time…

  18. Fena November 19, 2016 at 5:27 pm #

    My ex is my first and only love. We broke up 3 weeks ago after finishing university. Throughout our entire relationship we had been on the pathway of breaking up as we are so different. Something he kept reminding me off even before we became an item. Breaking up was very painful and I recently tried to remain friends with him. And every point he dictated the contact stating what he was comfortable and uncomfortable with meanwhile engaging with me. This left me confused. It doesn’t help that we share a friendship group too. I think about him everyday and now I am trying to stop contact completely. He was everything to me and I felt like he didn’t try to work things through as we were in couples counselling and all of a sudden he decided that I’m too complex for him to cope with. I spent the best part of a week and a half in complete tears to the point where my physical and mental health was declining. I’m now at the point where I don’t know what to do with myself. I want to be happy and find myself again but can’t picture a life without him. Dramatic I know. This article is comforting to an extent but I just can’t see myself finding a new love although I would want that sooo much. Right now I feel that I’m destined for a life by myself. I don’t open up enough and find it hard to me friends . I’m completely utterly confused, depressed and lonely.

  19. kish December 3, 2016 at 10:11 am #

    hi eddie !
    your blogs are very revealing ! although every letter resounds the truth ! we know how difficult it is ! i suffered in silence,feel difficult to put in words what it was all about, now iam often feeling agitated while speaking to anyone whom i cant convey simple things in day to day life, i feel i lost my soul and inner trust which i was full of before the tragic experience.,while the one who meant everything for me felt im nothing to him and he suddenly found another one more alluring.,its not easy to find love once again especially after having adored him next to God.

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