The No-Contact Rule is a necessity.
That’s what most breakup survivors find out the hard way.
Very often after weeks of trying to be friends with their Ex, and suffering through pain and humiliation.
But can it also be a weapon to get back the Ex? Is it ok to still have hope?
Today's question is from Daniel, who wants to know the answer to these exact questions.
Can we get our Ex back with No-Contact?
Can we?
Please read on.
Eddie, I'm on Day 25 of NC, this is Day 39 of the breakup.
Long story short, one day we were looking at rings together and talking excitedly about marriage, then the next she broke things off, and her reasoning sounded a lot like cold feet, jitters, deep-seated emotional issues like fear of abandonment, intimacy, and commitment.
It's basically her issues and not mine.
I managed to avoid the usual mistakes of begging and groveling to take me back and not giving her her space.
I'm doing NC because it's ultimately about me and healing, not about winning her back. But emotionally, I want to reconcile and want her back.
In your opinion, will I give up this hope over time as her radio silence continues, and do you advocate NC as the only possible route to reconciliation?
I am having a real rough time accepting the relationship is over. Emotionally it's like she flipped a switch. And I realize NC prevents me from saying and doing things now I will later regret.
Dear Daniel,
First of all – I know exactly where you are coming from.
Two of the most hurtful things during a breakup are the feelings of being blindsided and suddenly alone, as well as the crushed plans you’ve had together for the future.
“What the hell just happened?” , you ask yourself.
Our mind usually reacts with numbness. You find yourself in the middle of the “denial-stage.”
Somehow you make it through the days, and at one point sooner or later you make an important realization, (if you’re lucky) – I can’t go on like this.
I can’t keep contact with them and at the same time heal.
So you go No-Contact.
Wise decision.
But does No-Contact mean giving up the hope of getting back together? And better yet, is No-Contact a way to reconciliation?
Let me tell you this right away – the hope of getting back together is deeply wired into you.
It’s what the heart says.
Now, usually, I always recommend to listen to your heart, but NOT this time.
No.
You must know this – someone who just went through a recent breakup isn’t thinking straight.
They think like a brain damaged, love-blind fool, (sorry to sound so harsh, but it's a good metaphor).
All they care about is getting back to the times as they used to be.
The friendship, the love, the understanding, the nearness.
But the head knows better. It shows problems that existed in the relationship, the bad sides of the Ex, the fact that what once is broken rarely gets fixed again to what it was before.
All this knows the head.
But unfortunately not the heart.
No-Contact is the way of listening to the head.
It is doing what is best for YOU as a person.
Will it get your Ex back?
To be honest, it is very unlikely.
Sorry for speaking it out loud, I know this hurts.
There were reasons for breaking up, and they still exist. They won’t vanish after no contact.
But the HOPE will be present for some time.
It ‘s nice to know and to accept that and to know where it’s coming from.
Eventually it will fade, and the heart will look for new ways.
And that's when healing truly begins when we fully accept and take responsibility for what happened.
Only then can we learn from the experience and grow with it.
Everyone who just started No-Contact will have a hard bumpy road ahead.
You will struggle, fall and stand up again. You will encounter obstacles, road blocks that you must avoid.
Your Ex may try to contact you, your Ex is a co-worker, you have kids together, you will miss them, the temptation of contacting will be almost unbearable.
It will be difficult, maybe the most difficult thing you've done, but it's so worth it.
It's so worth it.
No-Contact will cut your healing time to a fraction.
It's true. I know this from my own experience and from coaching so many clients.
My advice to you Daniel is to NOT give in to your emotions. They are sending a false signal.
Listen to your head, remember the “bad times,” and try not to idealize your relationship.
Take it day-by-day, week-by-week.
And one day you will suddenly feel MUCH better. Just like you flipped a switch.
Promise.
Do you think that no-contact is a way of getting the Ex back? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.
Your friend,
Eddie Corbano
I need advice. To me love isn’t giving up. Before our relationship we had big ideas of what we wanted out of each other, he was a whole state away (though his hometown was where I lived, and where we met.) Within 3 months he moved back home to get on his feet so he could move back & be successful. We had plans of doing this together. We were each others support team. Though, we got comfortable and wrapped up in another that we forgot to complement each other as people. He says he needs time and space, and he never officially left the relationship he just needs time. He says whatever path he decides will the right one because he needs it for him. He says I’m all he wants and he still loves me. What do I do? Keep minimal contact? He does text me randomly. Cut it off? I feel like I’m supposed to support him through his “needing time and space” so I can show him look I’m here being your backbone once you’re mine again I can push you as a person and we don’t have to fall back into our comfortably and our rut as a routine, we can do this together. He refuses to work on things as a relationship though. IF our ultimate goal is to be together why not just be in a relationship, why work separately?
I am at a complete loss. No clue where to go, or who to run to. Though, the one thing I never did in our relationship was give him time like this. I always refused to, that was my mistake. Can he see through that and see I can give him time and still be next to him supporting him?
I can’t see myself with anyone else. Makes me sick to my stomach thinking of ever touching another man. I love him with my whole heart.
It’s been 8 months together & everything is so good together except we fell into a rut… a routine.
It sucks because it’s up on him to see that we can work past this.
But for now, give him time, what? This happened 4 days ago, I haven’t eaten in 2 days. The first 2 days I was eating very minimal. I feel like I am on autopilot with no clue on where to go.
He posts on social media and his photography like he’s perfectly fine, but honestly I know he’s hurting he just likes to put on an act.
What to do 🙁
You think he will come back thinking I can give him his time and space while still being the perfect couple we were the other 95% of the time?
Dear Never Officially left,
I feel your chasm and pain. It’s the in between that is confusing. I am in a similar situation so I cannot offer any advice but to let you know that you are not alone. My boyfriend and I never officially cut it off either. After a series of fights, the last one a couple of months ago, we decided to separate and live in different spaces (we had been living together for the past year and half). I am going NC just so I can clear my head and diffuse the emotions. He has contacted me several times but I do not respond. I just came to the conclusion that we are doing more harm to each other by contacting each other.
I am not sure what the protocol is here… when a relationship isnt officially over but perhaps on a break, is NC the way to go? Should we perhaps tell our significant other that we are going NC?
Hi everyone my bf just broke up with me sat. we have been together almost a year the 14th of feb would have made it a year…but any ways we never fight n we were really happy everything was going great we got along, we never fought it was perfict to me then i stared a new job and i had been coming home cranky well that sat morning i was telling him i didnt want our dogs on the bed any more and ask how we was going to fix it so it was no longer a problem. he yel n said y dont you move out…i was shocket and ask him in a clam maner n i had tears in my eyes he said since we got together he has felt like something was missing..i asked him y did you tell me you loved me, i told him when we frist started to date not to spar me my feelings just tell me the truth n he told me the reason y he never told me this is case he cared alot for me n that i was good to him n he didnt want to hurt me. he had said that it had been more n more on his mind this past week. so the problem is we live together so i packed some clothes n went to my sisters for a week i am on day 2 of NC just trying to heal n give us both space in time. i had plan on going back home ether friday or sat to sit n talk. what should i do. this was out of the blue n it hurt sooo much. i do love him n miss him alot but idk what to do n if i should have any hope of us getting back together. so for now i have been hitting the gym with my sister n focuing on my new job. so what should i do??
I am recently going through the end of a 14 year relationship. We have both been at fault over the years. He finally ended it and started dating someone else. He does little things to get me to hang on while he dates her.
He is the father of my girls. We have to maintain contact for them.
I’ve hurt so bad over the last few months. I’ve begged, pleaded, made a complete fool of myself, etc… I need help with this nc (unless it’s for the kids). For my own sanity I’ve got to accept this breakup. I don’t want to feel like I’m dying anymore.
Part of my pain is the loneliness after years of being in constant contact with him.
If I go a day without talking to him (which rarely happens) I’m even more torn up.
This article offers good advice and is really hard to follow in practice. But it is the truth. Before you pick up the phone ask yourself out loud, “what are all the possible outcomes of placing this call” really ask yourself. I know your in a hurry to call but it really only delays the call by only minutes. Write down the possible outcomes, there aren’t many. No Answer, Answer and hang up, Answer and tell you not to call again, Answer and lets you talk but nothing changes, Answer and says they miss ya. Well you get the idea. Since you know the situation better than anyone, what is most likely to happen and how will that make you feel? You will see that the outcome most likely is that you feel hurt. Furthermore calls will usually lead to more questions than answers “where they home and chose not to answer”, “are they out having fun”?. If someone broke up with you they had a reason, may be their reasons and have nothing to do with you. Only when and if the other party picks up the phone just continue with your life. A better use of your time when you get the urge is to make a list of the reasons why the two of you are not together. That list will include things you did that lead to the breakup. If you say I didnt do anything, think harder. If they cheated, your list would have What can I do to choose better partners. Work on the things you can change, spend your time and thoughts doing activities that will avoid you made in the future.
Stay strong – Keep working on YOU
Went about 6 weeks of no-contact with ex who broke off with me. Called me in rage after i met one of her friends on accident, we talked for hours that night and again the next few days. We agreed to meet up and hangout “as friends”. She called me drunk the other night after being with her new guy saying how much see misses me and wants to stay friends and take it slow and get back together over time. She is still “seeing” this other guy kinda, but we are hanging out alot and getting closer, im just trying not to bring up the relationship or beg for her. She wants things to workout but wants to start from scratch! I hope it works out! Staying positive, i love this girl!
My situation is kind of different i guess…erm, i knew him for a year, it started off as fun then feelings gradually got a lot deeper. Although we wasn’t official, it felt like we was. We are both at University and both studying quite intense courses, although i get we are two busy people BUT in the recent months i’ve felt like we could pursue this relationship further. He however, disagrees and thinks we are putting pressure on our studies – WHATEVER. So to cut the long story short, i told him to go and do one. Although this hurt but i knew i wasn’t going to stick around for something that needs to make a choice about whether he wants to be with me or not – he can piss off! It’s been 4 weeks since this happened, within that time i haven’t contacted him first once however he has been incredibly persistent, always finding excuses to message or call me. He even randomly downloaded the snapchat add and started sending me snaps on there – knob! Although i find it difficult to ignore his messages, i do reply but very bluntly. I have had a conversation with him about not contacting me, but i do secretly like it as my feelings haven’t faded. What do i do?
I was in a relationship with this guy for 5 months but unfortunately he moved to Canada for University In september. Everything was perfect between us we hardly ever fought, like during the month of september we talked on skype daily and WhatsApped with each other alot. However in October our conversation started to become less which was understandable because he had work and studies, though he always showed great interest and whenever I had my doubts that the relationship might not work he always panicked and assured me over and over again everytime that it will work out and he will give his best. Everything was picture perfect when in the first week of november we just had a fight which was mainly my fault for which I apologized alot but he still asked for a day to think over our relationship because he was really mad at me. So I waited for a day after which he said that things were back to normal between us. Soon after that his mid terms started during which he started avoiding me started ignoring my messages. I asked him seriously “If he loved me?” To which he just replied “Yes:*” even though he could have written the whole sentence! So I waited 2 weeks for him to get done with his exams and by the end I was emotionally exhausted. Anyway even after the exams things didnt really work out his behaviour didnt changed I sent him some angry emotionaly messages to which he didnt reply back at all. I waited for 6 days yet no answer as to he wanted to break up or not, so I contacted his best friend after which my ex replied finally telling me that he cant keep up with the relationship because if excessive burden from his university and the time difference and that he would be there for me.
Since that day I didnt contact him at all but almost 9 days back I had to contact him for some important reasons. Our conversation went well! However he stopped replying after a while to which I didnt even sent another message since that time. Also he is coming back on Sunday.
So Im completely clueless here as to what should I do? I tried moving on but so far its not helping because Im extremely lost. I have no bad memories about him and also hes a muslim therefore he doesnt drink. Moreover there arent any picture with sexy girls aswell on his account although he can post them publicly and noone will care. So what do you guys suggest? Should I text first and try to be friends with him? or I should wait for him to get back to his senses? Because rightnow he is high on his new life.
If there are any further tricks or suggestion PLEASE TELL ME!!!!!!
It is a new relationship. We have been talking for month now. But the problema startrd when my old co worker set us up an told me her past how she had been to rehab for drinking bc of her abusive bf. So the first few dates i dont plan any activities with drinking. On one date she picks up drink menu an says how a margarita would be so good. Right away im in a hard spot what do i do. So i say oh they r expensive here lets go make our own thinking it would detour her away. While we r leaving there is liquor stores all around so we get some alcohol. Then the next few dates she suggest drinking dates. So then i think maybe guy is lying or maybe she drank bc of her abusive bf bc i dont know my old co worker all that well. So then the next few dates i suggest going out drinking. Then maybe a week ago she hits me up saying that i have known all along that she has been to rehab. She gets all upset an say how could i continue to take her out drinking while knowing that about her. So next day i bring her flowers to her house. She gets upset that i showed up without calling so i say what guy calls an says im bringing flowers. I tell her im leaving bc it is obvious u dont want me here she calls me back an says is that all ibsay no but i didnt come here to argue. So i walk away again an she calls me back an i say WHAT DO U WANT an she says u can leave with that attiude. So i do an she sends me 3 texts saying howbsorry she is for being mean an she appreciates the flowers but i have to understand how upaet she is an to call her tomorrow. So i do no answer. Then wait a day and a half an call again no answer. Finally ahe calls back an we talk about fight which makes her more upset an i say to her are we done let me kno an i delete your number she says she has to go i say no let me no know. An she says it will be hard to trust me after what i did. An i sent a message saying im sorry an stuff but no reply an havent had no contact in 4 days. So should i leave it that way it is or contact her back bc i gave her the . chance to be done with me an she didnt say im done with u. Im more confused than anything.
Me and my ex were together for a year and seven months .. a month of me and my ex being together his mother died so I was there and I supported him .. but later on months months later when maybe a year and a couple of months hit everything went downhill. , he has mixed emmotions. One day he will be in a happy moodteling me he loves me then the next day its different. Somedays he is a different person. When I do ask him. About how he use to feel it seemed like he was so afraid to be open with me .. well anyways two or three daysbefore Thanksgiving he came down to see me now that I do live 45 minutes from him ..when I was around him it felt we were still. Together but the vibe. He put off made me feel very loved .. but when he went home everything changed that’s when I felt I should start contacting him. Every second of the day .. he would ignore my msgs. And sometimes respond so. Late as if he was busy when truly that is not the case .. but December 7th I seen his Facebook. Status he said there was just only one girl he cared about .. I know it couldn’t have been me, he has been posting pictures of him and his friends and this girl. And it obviously has to be the girl in the picture .. not to sound stupid but yeah I did go on the girls facebook. Page and I seen he would like all of her statuses .. I’m just only on day 1 of the NC. Challenge its. So hard because everyday everyone wakes up. With different feelings
I went through a pretty disastrous break-up from my ex. After two and a half years of a somewhat tumultuous relationship, we decided to move in together. To all appearances and in answer to my queries, the relationship was in good health. I thought we had formed a strong bond between us.
And suddenly, I received an instant message on Skype explaining how he dreaded coming home when I was in his flat, he didn’t mean to lead me on when he said he would never leave me, yada, yada, yada. The message was so confusing it seemed obvious that he was tortured by the decision to break the relationship off. He had shut me out of Skype and wouldn’t answer the phone, so I sent a very civil message to him about respecting his decision but not the way he chose to carry it out. I wished him well and that was it.
The cowardice, surprise and disrespect for me with how he broke up, what he said and when he sent the message (I was ill with the flu) not to mention the effect it had on my life from a logistical standpoint were extremely hurtful. But I realised that how one ends a relationship is often what will carry over into the next one. So I was happy with myself and my response to him – I finally realised how important one’s dignity can be in spite of another person’s behaviour and I just refused to reciprocate the harm.
This was three and a half weeks ago – I was in a fog for three or four days. We’ve had absolutely no contact since then, I will not contact him, I refuse to cyber snoop and I refuse to harbour any bad feelings. He behaved quite badly, and I will not allow that in my life. But it hurts, it hurts. Everyday gets a little better but very slowly.
OK but what do you do if you didnt do anything wrong? All of a sudden out of the blue she says she doesnt have feelings anymore, she said she thought you hated her because you didnt respond to her text after telling her that you are giving her time to deal with her feelings of her ex-bf. She says she doesnt trust you, doesnt feel for you…after 4 days! She said i didnt tell her about my past, about my personal issues…when she didn’t realize that if she had come to see me that month ( the same month she first said that she loved me) that i was going to tell her everything face to face, and not over the phone or through a text message.
I understood that she still had feelings for her ex-bf, and found it courageous and thoughtful that she would say that she didn’t want to be with me when she couldnt give me 100%. I accepted and told her to take some time to herself and that i wasn’t going anywhere because i loved her. I didn’t let her see how hurt i really was (it was through a text message anyway) and i deleted every text prior to that night after she sent “please dont hate me” and i feel thats my fault for telling her i didnt hate her.
She was the first person to tell me they loved me, that they needed me, wanted me, that i was the best thing to happen to them and that i was a dream come true. That i was everything to her. She is everything to me.
I dont know what happened. I just want to know what i did. I never lied, never cheated, never did anything to hurt her. I cant even go back to my parents house anymore because thats where we first met. First kiss, first hug, first time together for the night.
I feel helpless.
I forgot to add, she even met my family. I never got the pleasure of meeting hers. (it was actually her idea to stay and eat dinner with them, i was trying to avoid exposing her to the family so soon but she insisted)
I know how you feel. You just have to Aknowledge and Accept that she left you and she’s never coming back. For her own reasons whatever it was. Even if you didn’t get any closure just stop thinking about it and over analyzing things because you’ll never get your answers or even the answers you are hoping for.. I know its hard… Read Eddie’s Ebook and it will give you some insights on how to start healing yourself from the pain. I, too, experienced the same way you felt before. Get busy on something else like a hobby that can distract you off her. Leave her and whatever happened with both of you in the past and your planned future with her now. It’s not gonna help you.. This breakup will help you find yourself and will build your character and make you learn how to stand up on your own two feet. Contact your friends and family who can surround you with lots of love and support. Life is not over yet. She was taken away to bring someone else in her place – someone who will love you and never leave you and never hurt you the way she did.
Cheers,
D
The past three weeks I’ve been reading articles all over google to try to keep my mind straight. A month ago my boyfriend and I had a traumatizing break up. We were together for almost 2 years, I lived with him and we were basically best friends. A year ago I lost my dad to a terminal disease and he was my rock. He stood by me with everything.
The week of the anniversary of my dad we went out for his friends birthday. Started with some Scorpion bowls then moved to mix drinks. I barely every drink. Also I’m a small 5’2 110 pound girl so it doesn’t take a lot to get me drunk. We got in a horrible public fight I still barely remember and it ended with him screaming at me to get out of his house at 1 am. I was shocked and confused. He ended up letting me stay the night and he even cuddled me to sleep and cried. Next morning I packed up my things and left.
We remained in contact for a week. Mostly him telling me how depressed he is and how I let him down. Then out of no where we went NC. It’s been 15 days NC and I’m still constantly thinking of him. We both have bad tempers and the fact it happened in public infront of his friends probably made this whole issue 10x worse.
When does this get easier? He kept telling me he didn’t want this but its what “he’s suppose to do”. I feel so empty.
I need someone to talk to feel so lonely after this heartbreak, he was my only friend, soul mate. It’s been 5 days of NC, and today was the first time I cried. I just feel like I need a friend to speak to, someone who will support me through this hard time.
Hello, I heard you plea so here I here I am. I am 11 weeks with no contact with my ex and it is hard. There are going to be days where you will be ok , then out of the blue your back to crying and being upset, this is normal. Your heart has been hurt and it is its way of healing…so cry when you need too. May I suggest that you read all the articles on this site, they helped me a lot.Its been 11 weeks, and I am feeling much better and i took the advise of the articles I read…I am going out,, talking to old friends,…incorporated me a new hobby and it is helping and I am learning what I need to improve on as person so my next relationship will be ALL i want it to be. Yes I miss him, no I do not want him back, I know this idea is in your mind you want him back…first you must except the fact its over….then the process of healing begins. There was a reason for the breakup and whatever that reason was you feel you can make it better given the chance but if you really think about it you will see he or she wasnt the one for you. Dont be so hard on yourself, you are worthy of love, and the right person will come along,
Yeah I understand but I lost all my friends whilst in this relationship I’ve got no one to talk to. I feel like I’ve lost everything. I was doing so well with this no contact and I’m back at square 1 as I picked up his call, he was so cold and nasty towards me, not the warm loving guy I loved. It hurts so much. I cry to the point of panic attacks, I’m okay during the day when I’m around my family, it’s at nightime when I’m alone, I cry to the point that I can’t breathe. I’ve got no friends and am in such a bad place right now. I just want someone to text or email who’ll be there constantly throughout the day supporting me with no contact, be there when I need a shoulder to cry on or even listen to my venting. I feel like dying it hurts so bad.
tj, I am sure if you call your old friends they will be there for you, just call one, apologize for not staying in contact and go from there. I understand needing someone to talk to during all this, it does help to have someone to listen, if you like we can correspond through an email I set up just for you….forus2talk62@yahoo.com. I look forward to hearing from you.
Over seven months cried my eyes out again wtf when will it end
I honestly hope it gets better for you. I think your strong for doing 7 months, that gives me motivation, such a strong thing to do. 🙂
Hi tj,
I am not sure if you have read all the stuffs here. I used to be called ‘SadFace’.
Me and my ex broke up in May this year and we were in a happy relationship and I was suffering just like you said for about half a year. During that time, I broke off the NC rule and I cried and texted him and did everything possibly I could do to somehow get everything back together. But now I am in a place where I fully accept and agree that this was probably the best thing for both of us. I do miss having him as a good friend whom I could talk no matter what time of the day or night was but then I am sure I will find a better,hotter,nicer one soon if I want to 😀
What I can tell you from a very fresh experience is that, stay strong. It is okay to feel like crying and being mad about everything. I mean I seriously thought of going to see a psychiatrist to consult my issues of controlling the emotions after the break up. But I have heard from my friends that this is totally normal and so on. So do not be scared if you think you are hitting the bottom or something.
Second of all, I would also like to tell you that please be strong and stay no contact. It does give you some sort of satisfaction later on. Longer you hold it, I guess better you would feel it. I broke it off couple times in between and felt worse than what you feel now or what I have felt right after my break up. Recently I got a message from my ex and I am like, I will not write him till I feel like writing him and this gave me some sort of confidence that I am back to normal or I am no longer SadFace.
So for me, I am somehow over him – well it depends on how you define ‘getting over someone’. For me, I miss him from time to time (not like everyday I used to be) and see something or do something that I used to do with him which makes me feel like ah..good old times. But then this does not make me cry or feel so bad. For me personally, my break up was not so bad. We had great times when we were together and he was definitely a good boyfriend for me at that time but that does not mean that I want him back so bad or something!
I am not sure if you could make a sense out of my long ‘all over the place’ chat here but I can tell you one thing for sure- you will be fine or more than fine at the end of your heartbreaking journey! I am seeing the bright light from where I am now and I know soon I will be happier than ever 🙂 Keep walking and chin up!
Cheers,
NoMoreSadFace
Hi tj,
Congratulations on day 5th of NC!!!!
Please keeping posting. We all are here to support you. Crying is not a bad thing it is important to remove the accrued emotions from your body. You will feel better after sometime.
I spoilt the no contact rule by speaking today, feel so horrible should have stuck to it. Usually people say they feel better after crying but I feel dead inside, I cry to the point where I can’t breathe. I don’t understand how and why things changed. I stuck by him through everything, he was on drugs, he got sectioned, he was controlling, needed anger management I helped him through everything. It just hurts to think where all this went wrong. In the 4 years we were together I helped him stand on his feet. He was my fiance, day in day out I’d be with him. He was so close to my family I really thought he was my soul mate. I’m so scared of the future. Everywhere I go, it reminds me of him.
today is my 5th day of NC and i feel terrible,i want to contact him so bad i feel so empty and alone,i know its not only not having him,write now im living with my sister and she is so hard on me some times,i suffer from depression and anxiety and she says things like therapy dosent work and that makes me feel terrible,she also wont stop saying the worst things about my husband.i feel like sometimes the things she says make me get more depressed,she gets frustrated about me expressing my urge to contact him it dosent mean i will i just want to be
able to say it.some days i feel strong very strong but there are others in wich my codpendency will take the best of me for my hole life ive jumped from person to person to fill this void. ive always felt the last jump was from my mom who passed away from cancer to my husband and now that my husband left me,i dont have who to jump to and im in a state of panic.
some times i feel i will survive the breakup but i wont be able to survive my anxiety problems,i feel ill never be able to keep a job and be able to pay for my treatment and that makes me want to contact him even more.i also feel guilty i know i did a lot of things wrong and i wish i could take them back.i miss my mom and i want to feel better i want to have hope i want a better life and i want to see a light at the end of the tunel.
i gotta say this website has help me so much im glad im not alone even though i dont want
all of you guys to suffer the way im suffering, because i wouldnt wish this on my worst enemy.i hope everybody has a peaceful day withough to many urges to contact the person you are suffering for.i will try to stay strong and keep NC.
Thank you for the support ,
Whenever I read an article by you Eddie I feel much better:)
Mabel,
I know exactly what you are talking about. I feel exactly the same. Before meeting, it was a long time alone and I felt I was the happiest person even when we met. For months, i lived the most beautiful days in my life and suddenly everything was over and I am back alone. Very alone. it is not easy to find a good person to love. I feel very lonely and I can’t enjoy any nice thing in my life. it has been about 11 weeks since we broke. We talked once on phone during this period and texted several times. but i feel he is moving on and I may know soon that he started dating someone else.
This is really hard.
I tried no contact but we had mutual friends, so saw each other online. We finally went from just “hi” to actually goofing around like we used to. Then I found out that he was “talking” to someone (we were long distance, and so is this, but it’s a friend back home, which I can never compete with). Now I don’t even see him online.
I’m trying to stay off his fb page. I should block him but I can’t do it. But it kills me that he is talking to someone who isn’t me. I think she is where he was when we met, and I know it’s mean, but part of me hopes she pulls the same crap on him that he did on me. Let him see what it feels like, because I know he felt bad about hurting me, but I don’t think he truly realized how bad what he did was (not going to go into it).
I prayed to God before we met for him to find me someone who was ready, who loved me and wanted to stay with me, and who actually would, and not to force me to watch another man walk off with someone else like my ex before him did. Only this person showed up, and I took my time deciding. I don’t understand why this is happening but I truly wish I wasn’t here anymore. There was nothing before him for a long, long time, no matter what I tried. Now I am right back where I started from.
Whatever happens to me, I hope it happens fast. I can’t do this again, all that time alone. I just can’t.
So it’s my 5th day of NC v just bump into each other once in my dance class..though v didn’t talk or anything..it is very tough to go through this…I don’t know if he ever wl contact me..don’t know if he deleted my no. Or no as he said…god help me
Sara, that guy sounds like he is only interested in sex. Value yourself and find someone who deserves you. Worrying about this guy is futile when there are a million other perfectly good men around you 🙂
Hi Guys. I am 30 yrs old and I was dumped by my girlfriend almost 3 weeks ago. I am on day 15 of no contact. I am extremely proud of myself for doing any begging, pleading, i didn’t even once ask her to take me back.
Thing is, i realize why i was dumped.. i’m pretty sure it was a money problem. We never lived together but i have so much bills and debt that i think she wants to travel and do big things that i just can’t afford. Just a guess though, she never really said why. I didn’t ask. The main thing i’m writing though is for any guys reading this.
I can’t find the article now but i read it yesterday and it’s made me feel so much happier. It went along the lines of. “quit your complaining, do not worry about your ex’s actions in dating someone else, worry about your own. BE A MAN and figure out your mistakes, improve yourself and move on. If you didn’t make any mistakes move on and devote yourself to someone who gives a damn. You do NOT need her back. Stop insulting a million other perfect women out there and forget her. Now.” This may sound a bit harsh but every time i feel like crap, i remember those words. BE A MAN. Of course, you’re allowed to mourn. Just don’t dwell on it. And don’t give in, keep up with NC. Hope this helps 🙂
It has been 9 weeks and I have made nc with my ex. I am having a hard time but last night I had an eye opener. My first cousin has ovarian cancer and hospice has been been called in. She is only 43 years old. The strength and courage she possesses, the peace she has and here you are worried about a failed relationship, it sure did put perspective on my situation. I have no situation. After I left her I was sad for her but It made me realize I am blessed and it was like the world had been lifted off my shoulders, and I took a deep breath, it felt like the first breath I had took in 9 weeks. I can let go now. I am better than that to hold on to someone that didnt want to hold on to me. I can say I learned a lot from this last relationship. I will take what i have learned and move on. I will remember life is to short and we are not promised tomorrow and as of today, my ex is my past and he will no longer rule my future.
I am on day 20 nc now. he is dating a new girl has been since we broke up. i changed my number i moved i work harder at work. i walk alot… and i am truely tryin to get me back… im almost there problem was he didnt take me.. i lost me with another guy and the guy i lost was trying to help me find her… i pushed him away because i needed to do this myself… i still love my recent ex with all my heart…. hopefully he will see this.