Will No-Contact Get Your Ex Back?

The No-Contact Rule is a necessity.

That’s what most breakup survivors find out the hard way.

Very often after weeks of trying to be friends with their Ex, and suffering through pain and humiliation.

But can it also be a weapon to get back the Ex? Is it ok to still have hope?

Today’s question is from Daniel, who wants to know the answer to these exact questions.

Can we get our Ex back with No-Contact?

Can we?

Please read on.

Eddie, I’m on Day 25 of NC, this is Day 39 of the breakup.

Long story short, one day we were looking at rings together and talking excitedly about marriage, then the next she broke things off, and her reasoning sounded a lot like cold feet, jitters, deep-seated emotional issues like fear of abandonment, intimacy, and commitment.

It’s basically her issues and not mine.

I managed to avoid the usual mistakes of begging and groveling to take me back and not giving her her space.

I’m doing NC because it’s ultimately about me and healing, not about winning her back. But emotionally, I want to reconcile and want her back.

In your opinion, will I give up this hope over time as her radio silence continues, and do you advocate NC as the only possible route to reconciliation?

I am having a real rough time accepting the relationship is over. Emotionally it’s like she flipped a switch. And I realize NC prevents me from saying and doing things now I will later regret.

Dear Daniel,

First of all – I know exactly where you are coming from.

Two of the most hurtful things during a breakup are the feelings of being blindsided and suddenly alone, as well as the crushed plans you’ve had together for the future.

“What the hell just happened?”, you ask yourself.

Our mind usually reacts with numbness. You find yourself in the middle of the “denial-stage.”

Somehow you make it through the days, and at one point sooner or later you make an important realization, (if you’re lucky) – I can’t go on like this.

I can’t keep contact with them and at the same time heal.

So you go No-Contact.

Wise decision.

But does No-Contact mean giving up the hope of getting back together? And better yet, is No-Contact a way to reconciliation?

Let me tell you this right away – the hope of getting back together is deeply wired into you.

It’s what the heart says.

Now, usually, I always recommend to listen to your heart, but NOT this time.

No.

You must know this – someone who just went through a recent breakup isn’t thinking straight.

They think like a brain damaged, love-blind fool, (sorry to sound so harsh, but it’s a good metaphor).

All they care about is getting back to the times as they used to be.

The friendship, the love, the understanding, the nearness.

But the head knows better. It shows problems that existed in the relationship, the bad sides of the Ex, the fact that what once is broken rarely gets fixed again to what it was before.

All this knows the head.

But unfortunately not the heart.

No-Contact is the way of listening to the head.

It is doing what is best for YOU as a person.

Will it get your Ex back?

To be honest, it is very unlikely.

Sorry for speaking it out loud, I know this hurts.

There were reasons for breaking up, and they still exist. They won’t vanish after no contact.

But the HOPE will be present for some time.

It ‘s nice to know and to accept that and to know where it’s coming from.

Eventually it will fade, and the heart will look for new ways.

And that’s when healing truly begins when we fully accept and take responsibility for what happened.

Only then can we learn from the experience and grow with it.

Everyone who just started No-Contact will have a hard bumpy road ahead.

You will struggle, fall and stand up again. You will encounter obstacles, road blocks that you must avoid.

Your Ex may try to contact you, your Ex is a co-worker, you have kids together, you will miss them, the temptation of contacting will be almost unbearable.

It will be difficult, maybe the most difficult thing you’ve done, but it’s so worth it.

It’s so worth it.

No-Contact will cut your healing time to a fraction.

It’s true. I know this from my own experience and from coaching so many clients.

My advice to you Daniel is to NOT give in to your emotions. They are sending a false signal.

Listen to your head, remember the “bad times,” and try not to idealize your relationship.

Take it day-by-day, week-by-week.

And one day you will suddenly feel MUCH better. Just like you flipped a switch.

Promise.

Do you think that no-contact is a way of getting the Ex back? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Your friend,
Eddie Corbano

  • I had a crush on a woman for 10 years and never thought i would get the chance to meet up with her, i was in a relationship at this time with my ex. and ended when i knew me and this woman were going somewhere. i genuinely fell in love with her and couldn’t believe the changes in me then 4 months down the line a mate was bragging about my reputation years ago and her friend was there and took it on as if it was at that time.i hadnt seen this mate since before i got with this woman.so he never knew how mad i was for her this built trust issues in her and i swore i would prove my self walked her to work everyday and back wheneva was with mates.not for her i actually enjoyed knowing i kept her upto date.Even thou i cleared it up i still think it played on her mind and not very long ago 7 months on she went through my phone i had gave her all my pass codes for everything and never changed them phone was always in site but my friend asked to check his app on my phone i said yer sure that night she looked through my phone and saw chats. he went on his dating app online on my phone before i could explain she told me to get out not talk to her.she blocked me on everything my friend even sent her a message to let her know it was his and ignored him. she told that friend from previous and has pushed on her don’t listen to him ignore him she blocked me on everything.so for past to weeks i have pestered her to prove myself even flowers letters etc. she told a different friend she still loves me. this other friend from first insudent its telling her to be like this with me she is a serious man hater so can’t talk to her as she twists words. etc she told her family about previous insedents and apparently her mum won’t speak to her if she gives me another chance. how can i fix this do you know how much it hurts to know your innocent and this is all on you when you’ve breathed this person and i had even proposed to her. previous and she said yes. it made me finally have a purpose. she asked for space but i know with this friend of hers she will force me out. so i have tried to prove to her. i love her. im going to try giving her the space but hard when i know I’m going to be forced out so no hope.Any ideas before doing this i know she loves me and has been hurt many times by others so this had made hard for me in first place she said she doesn’t know if can trust me. how can i prove I’m trustworthy and not hurt her without her letting me speak to her? i really love this person and would never do anything to hurt her. feel like this could be something great throughs away for nothing.please help asap.

  • I broke up with my boyfriend after being together for 8 years. Strangely a guy from work started talking to me right after I broke up with my boyfriend (this guy had no idea that I had just broken up with my boyfriend). At work this guy told me that he was having problems with his girlfriend and the following day he told me that she had somewhat broke up with him, from there on him and I kept in touch. Later on he explained to me that she had cheated on him and he broke up with her over text. A week after we went on 3 dates, but I just felt that I wasn’t ready, I had just broken up with my boyfriend! Anyway since the first day that I told him about my ex, he told me that if I wanted to talk, that I could text him and that’s what I did. As time went by he got frustrated, that I kept rambling on about my ex and somewhat gave up. 3 months after, him and I ended up dating (he was persistent, he was always texting me). Since the start he told me that he wanted things to be casual to see where thing went. He told me that he saw this going somewhere, since he saw that we got along perfectly. I only had one boyfriend, which was my ex and I was with him since high school, so I felt that I had get out there in the dating world and experience how it was. The guy and I dated for 3 months, he wasn’t that nice to me and every now and then he would talk to me about his past relationships with just too much detail that just made me feel uncomfortable. Since him and I had agreed to keep things casual, we were both battling with our feeling for each other. And after 3 months he decided to end things for good, he said that he started to get feelings for me and he didn’t like where our relationship was heading. That it’s just not what he wants right now. As for me I felt that it was transforming to a serious relationship, which if he would have said to take things serious I would have, because we just get along so well, and It made sense. But at the same time, a serious relation is just not what I want because I’m young and I feel as if it will hinder me from doing things that I want: traveling, moving to another state, maybe move to another country, going out with my friends and doing what I want without giving any explanations. After 3 days I felt that I was somewhat over him, but last time I saw him I felt that I wanted to be with him. I see him every day at work, so it makes it even more difficult to get over him, and just to think that we had could have been something great, that could have lasted for a long time. Another thing that could be is that since he was the second guy I’ve ever been with, I became too emotionally attached. The problems that we had in the relationship were due to us not being able to express our feelings: he would get jealous, but felt that it wasn’t his place to be; I would want him to be more emotionally available towards me, but again I didn’t feel that I should expect anything from him. I feel that if both of us would have given our best and actually invest in this relationship it would have worked. He told me once that he would like to marry someone like me, but doesn’t want to get married now. There are so many things that he did that just led me to believe that he wanted something more than just a casual relationship. After he broke up with me, we agreed to try and be friends since we see each other so much it would be inconvenient if we didn’t. I recently went through an issue and I really need to talk to someone, I texted him and asked him if he could talk, that I just needed him as a friend. He called me right away and listened to me and gave me advice for an hour (him and I never spoke on the phone when we were dating, because he didn’t want to). He treated me so much better as a friend than when we were dating! I am glad that he cares enough for me to still hear about my problem, but him being all nice to me like that makes me think that he could have been a great boyfriend to me, if he would have actually tried. Therefore, I start thinking that maybe if he wants me back, I would accept, but for self-respect think I shouldn’t accept. It was destiny, the way that him and I met, we were meant to happen. I do feel guilty for letting myself get involved in this type of relationship, but at the same time I have matured, unfortunately I had to get my heart broken.

  • Hi guys I need advice. I was dating this guy for 6 months. We were both each others first real relationship, we are 21. We were so happy and had a great relationship but I did do a lot of stuff to probably distance him. I broke up with him 3 weeks ago and I wanted him back but he said he needed space. Well yesterday he said he wants to be single and not worry about anyone else but he still has feelings for me. It’s crazy how fast he switched his feelings off because we didn’t even have a bad relationship I think he was tired of how I would argue all the time. I told him I would change but he won’t give me a chance. I know he cares about me, his family loves me, and everyone said they’ve never seen him so happy and faithful and commitment to a girl before. He said I’m the best girl he’s ever had and he was such a good boyfriend to me. I did everything for him and I feel like we both took each other for granted. He spent all his money on me to get me a ring I wanted for Christmas. I was the first girl to meet his family and friends. He always said he could never see us breaking up. I feel like he’s scared of commitment or really does need space to appreciate me. After 3 weeks of off and on contact of trying to get him back, this is day 1 of NC. will he ever come back? It hurts so bad because we had a great relationship and suddenly he switched his emotions off and quit his job. I got him a phone on my dads account and his mom told me to turn his phone off so I did. She said he needs to appreciate me and have time apart as well. So really I just wanna know if there’s any hope of reconciliation because it’s hard to believe he’s really done.

  • My ex of four years just broke up with me because I went on Facebook, at first he wouldn’t speak to me but now he does an speaks to r baby who’s one, am devastated but he said he still loves me but has had enough, but I said to him am gna get a new number and he said if I do that I can frig off, so I don’t no what to do I don’t no weather he’s playing mind games or if he loves me but is punishing me but when I ask will he get back with me he says am going off the phone an puts the phone down can someone help please thanks x

  • My story goes..I was single for awhile because I always seem to get hurt when I put myself out there..I met a girl who I honestly didn’t take seriously in the beginning. she would always ask me about commitment and I always told her I didn’t know what I was doing in the relationship I didn’t know where it was going. I constantly downplayed my love for her and her child and I overall took her for granted. I would tell her things like you should find someone who knows what their doing and who can better provide for you and your son and for whatever reason it brought her closer to me..But as time passed she had an ex resurface and he was offering to do right by her and committ to her. I was unaware she had been talking to her ex but I became aware that she began acting more strangely than normal..I started to get the feeling something was going on but she would never discuss anything with me..I got fed up with her being weird and packed up all of my things and left her. Two days later I reach out to speak with her and she already had her exes car parked outside her house and it’s almost going on two weeks and his is still parked outside. I asked her if I never would have left would we still be together and she said yes. I lost it when I discovered she had him staying the night so shortly after I left her and basically told her I wanted nothing to do w her ever again that she would never hear my voice or see my face ever again and I would never respond to anything she ever said. Ever. But as time passed I realized I love and want her in my life and if I had a second chance I would do everything how I should have done it the first time I’m.just unsure if I should fight for her if she was so quick to.move on to her ex. I love her more than I ever loved anybody and she made me feel better than anyone ever has in my entire life. I feel like I ruined a great thing with my stupidity. I do nothing but sulk and reminiscence. Fml.

    • Forget her and move on, if she felt the same about you her ex wouldn’t of come back she Nov still had feelings for her ex, a leopard never changes its spots so, when everything messes up with them two again she will come crawling back to you!

  • Hi guys and girls!
    So I have read through many of these posts and seems as though I have a few of the same issues.

    I’m trying to figure out what the go is with the ex girlfriend / fiancée and if she does actually care etc and possibility of getting her back again.

    My story goes…….
    We were together for 4 years and in the early years we had two children together. I worked away a lot of the time but then found a job closer to home.
    We actually broke up back in May 2016 due to me lying about a debt.
    Always although we broke up in May and I moved out, we had been sleeping together up until about a month ago.
    We got back together for a very short while but then split up.
    The day after we split up she got back in contact with her ex from over 4 years ago and she is now with him again, although all her family members disagree with her choice.
    She had been texting me brief messages up until about a week ago but then advised that she can’t see me anymore as she doesn’t want to see any hurt on my face (I think that’s rubbish). And has ignored my message since then.
    What should I do…………no contact? How do I get her back again?
    I’ve actually been doing a lot of self improvement to fix the errors of my ways, where I realise that I had to improve.

    Any information would be great!!!

  • me and my bf broke up two weeks ago. before that he asks me a break for a week though I didn’t but I said I respect his decision and I actually agree with this “break” thing and we promised no-call, no-texts and nothing else and agree to meet up for the decision to make after a week. After a week, he texted me to meet me and tell me his decision either it is break or continue. I replied him as if he is thinking of breaking up, he can just text or call me caz I told him I could break down in front of him again and he called me to say all sorts of reasons which I couldn’t believe he would say. I asked him if he loves me, he said he did and I ask is it caz there is no sparks, then he say no but he wanted to focus on his career and more which I find he is such a bastard but I ask him for a favor to promise me he will read the email I am gonna send him and ask him to call me on Sunday night, the next day he texted me with “I saw everything boo” and wish me the best for the interview I got later. I replied him thank you after few hours then went silence until sunday. Then he called me on Sunday and we talked about 10 mins then he told me to keep in touch and be friends which I told him I don’t want to be friends with him but I will keep in touch. next two days later, i couldn’t move on so I unfriend him on fb and instagram and now I am in during no contact for two weeks, he didn’t even wish Merry christmas and happy new year which hurt me alot. I try not to think too much but I am getting more and more anxious with what if questions. I try to become invisible because on that day he said he is happy without me and can live without me. most of the time I am the one who keeps saying break up but when he come back and I couldn’t help myself I couldn’t let go of him. We have been together for 2 and a half years and discussing about marriage and that’s how it all break down and happened it so sudden that I couldn’t believe. I don’t want to be friend zoned so I cut contact with him though we are friends in uni and become best buddy and fall in love after he pursue 1 and half years and been tgt for 2 1/2 years. It hurts alot but I am controlling alot over this break up and getting over my emotions and trying to be the best version of myself but I know I want him back and I know he loves me. There is no cheating between us which I believe he won’t. Any advise or thoughts that can ease me or help me. What if he never contact me after no contact.

    • @Genevie i feel your pain. I am into your same situation as well now. I broke with my girlfriend of two years because of her nagging attitude not showing love and care and above all selfish. Yes i love her. This has been the reason for ever recurring breakups we have broken up like 3times but we keep coming together hoping she will change but things remained the same. i endured it always hoping she will change but no changes. Three weeks ago i broke we have no contact since except when she called me last two weeks telling me she has given up that she wishes me luck in all i do.i wished her the same. I love her i miss her and always remember our good times together. I am in a cross road whether to take back or not. (One thing she did that still sting me till this today is lieing to me about her not having a child later i knew and she denied it but i know she is lieing well maybe she was doing it in order not to lose me so i am too angry about that.

  • My Girlfriend of 6.5 years broke up with me 3 months ago. We had a wonderful, healthy, passionate relationship and after the day we broke up she sent me a note to tell me she still loved me, that I was her best friend, it was a nightmare and how much she missed me. My head was swiveling and still is just remembering the note. We had a few issues, (not deal breakers and easily fixed) but that comes with 6.5 years. I have gone pretty much NC these past 2 months. Sent her a nice Thanksgiving card and received 3 very nice responses two weeks ago and took her out to for a quck lunch 6 weeks ago which came off wonderfully. I have taken this time to heal but the devil is still in me and I m not there yet. I think about her 95% of the time still now. Next week I intend to contact her to ask her out for a quick lunch again. Honestly we were just so connected. I have taken the time to correct the few things she had broken up with me and have been dating a girl but I find I have nothing emotionally to give back to her. Any thoughts here.

  • My girlfriend of a month broke up with me 3 days ago. We were really happy until my phone broke and we had a little lack of communication. She also has some personal things going on with her family. We have communication now and I can see her everyday at school but she doesn’t want to give me the chance. I really want her back. Is this appropriate to utilize the No Contact Rule because we still use Snapchat to speak. I’ve also made it quite worse by begging. I have also made suicide threats but I never planned to go through with them. She wants to stay friends but I’m afraid of her moving on. But she says she’s not ready for a relationship until finals are over this month. I promised her I would make myself a better person and I wrote her a love not for our would-have-been 1 month anniversary. She says she doesn’t know if we will be together in the future. I don’t know what I should do.

  • I’m on the second day of no contact with my ex after various at trying to be his friend but my feelings don’t go away and he knows that they don’t but he still wants to be friends and i just don’t understand why. Is it just a game is he trying to still hurt me? It’s like he doesn’t want me to get over him but he doesn’t want to date me. I’m so tired of the games but i miss talking to him so much and its only been 2 days. We were together for 3 years and talked everyday and saw each other everyday. How do you get used to such a big change? Help 🙁

    • Hi Sienna

      I know too well how you are feeling right now. Your ‘help’ hit a nerve, hence my response.

      The bottom line is that life is too short to leave the key to your happiness in someone else’s hands; someone who is not worth it.

      Getting used to the change is very hard. But aren’t you tired of getting your hopes up and then being disappointed each time? You can put all your effort into trying to make things better in a relationship, but there comes a time when one becomes tired of being the only one making the effort.
      
      Yes it is a game. He wants the best of both worlds…..he wants you to hang around until he is ready to get back with you or move on for good…..while he plays the field and keeps his options open.

      So in effect, you going no contact is telling him, without one word being spoken, that you have standards, that you have boundaries, that you respect yourself, that you are tired of fighting for him when he clearly does not want to be fought for, that you no longer have the energy to explain your feelings for him and that you are not going to beg someone to stay where they don’t want to be.

      The problem with you putting him and what he wants first, has taught him that you come second…..

      Good luck.
      If he really wants to get back with you seriously, he will pursue you……and if he doesn’t, there is absolutely nothing you can do I’m afraid.

      Marce

  • My girl of almost 5 years just got up and said that she wanted to break up because her grand father died. She said she loved me but wasn’t in love with me. Because she sould have wanted me there. But she didn’t. Her grandpaw was her rock no matted the cercumstances her grandpaw was there for her no matter what. Is this just a phase or will I need to move on? I want to rekindle what we had and I’m still madly in love with her and her little boy whom I have raised since he was 3. I want to be a better partner abd a better father and she stated she wanted the love that her grandparents had does that just come to or does a love like that take time to gain?

  • 18 year relationship down in flames. Have started today with NC and will try and rebuild and massively adjust to being single again.

  • I am the dumper, not the dumpee. I was dating this guy for 3 months and found out he was still actively on dating sites. I told him from the moment we hooked up that I’m not a causal girl, I don’t sleep around. He agreed and our relationship was supposed to be exclusive. I consider him looking for dates online to be cheating and who knows how far it went from there. When I confronted him about his dating account I was pretty angry because I could see that he was on the dating site that same day. I just lost it and yelled at him and dumped him. I followed up with a pretty nasty text message. That was it. That was 2 weeks ago. Haven’t heard one word from him since nor have I contacted him. I do see he’s still on the dating site every single day lol. He’s obviously looking for a new hookup or physical relations because he’s on there everyday. It seems pretty desperate and sad to me actually. I don’t think he has anyone steady in his life right now. The fact that he chose a dating account over a real woman boggles my mind. My friends tell me he was a control freak, he wasn’t going to allow me to tell
    him what to do. But did he really think I would be OK with him sleeping with me while communicating with/dating/sleeping with other women?!? Hello ever hear of STDs??? He must be crazy. Obviously I was not what he wanted. There were several red flags throughout the relationship that revealed commitment issues. I know he wasn’t right for me. I know he was a dog. I know no contact is best. I know he’s a loser and a liar and I should just move on! But its so hard. I’m always tempted to text him then I have to stop myself and think rationally. I can’t wait to get over him. This feeling stinks.

  • I was in a relationship for last more than 2 years we were together in college . First we became friends in first year of btech and then this friendship grew stronger day by day .We fight alot but fights were normal to us and we came on track easily . Then after two years of btech we decided to be together forever . That was the most beautiful day of my life i don know when and how i started loved him . We spend so much time together . Whole college know about us that the these two always seems to be together. Everything was so perfect in our relationship he surpised me so many times by doing wonderful things i too did same for him.
    I made handmade gifts for him , he took me for shopping for small tours we hugged each other we spend quality time each other we were so perfect for each other . But after that he told me that he wants to do mba after btech i supported him in his every decision i was always there for him whenever he got sad whenever he want support i was completely available for him everytime i was doing this by my choice not by pressure i loved to talk talk to him , be with him . His mba coaching start from the month of july then he needed time for study also i gave sufficient amount of time so that he secure a good pecentile in cat . One year passes like that he stuided daily n waited daily to talk to him . Now comes the 4 th year of btech and also the last year of our studies and yeah imp fr cat too . As the time being close to the cat exam he felt very tensed but i normalised him . Finally he gave the cat exam and secure very good percentile which made me proud of him . After cat our time had been started now we again spend some quality time with each other . Thtat tym was so special and i always cherish that time .Cat interview started then he gave many interviews and got selected in one of them . Everyone was happy but we two were not because the tym had come and we had to separated now . We both cried on the last day of college we hugged each other and gave gifts to each other and good wishes for future. He was a day scholar and i was from other state went there for studies . I came to my home we talked daily share everything but this didnt work for more time . His mba college starts he became very busy at there even he didnt have time to talk to me . This inc distance between us but our love didnt dec it inc day by day and will inc. Whenever he was free we talked for 15-20 min a day not for more . Fights still went on but became normal on the next day . One fight turned our destiny it was on a very small topic then after that we didnt talk for few days after that i called him one day but he didnt pick my call i called him again but he didnt pic. After few min he send me a mail in which he wrote that he quits now and didnt want me in his life anymore also . I called him again tht whats that he picked the call and didnt say anything i asked him continuously that he didnt want me anymore in his life he said no i asked him he didnt love me anymore he said he loves me and will always love me but dont want to be with me. Thats all my story but now felt that one of my body part removed its too depressing .

  • Joel tetley says:

    My names Joel, 25

    After going through a 6 year relationship i broke up from over a year ago now im faced with a similar situation all over again. I went straight into a rebound after my 6 year relationship n regretted it but it was to late and if anything im happy she is now with her new guy. I mean that although it hurts, she was a big part of my life.

    After falling into a bad state of mind after leaving my rebound relationship i decided i wanted to be alone for some time to work myself out again.

    I was on the mend after seeing a therapist to understand my child hood and why i feared commitment so badly, then an expert for my head aches and the doctors for a stablizer as such. Which i regret to be quite honest but hey im in it now so can only work towards a better me.

    Out of noware i met a beautiful, smart very funny and some what cheeky girl with a huge heart who loved me from the word go. I was unsure if this the right thing for at this time in life but i thought why not!? We began to date things were great then into a 0-100 mph relationship (maybe even to fast) which became so serious so fast. Im very open in the idea of a partner having all there own space with no forms procession or control she began to take that as i wasn’t bothered when in fact i know better, she is 21 and young in some ways.

    I broke up with this girl twice as we argueed a lot, i didn’t show enough love n she was stressing me out and we weren’t getting on at all. Her parents began to dislike me so did my parents began to dislike her. Though thing is she is now working for my dads wife! Messed up right

    When in fact with out me even realisjng id began to burry my head again with my own personal doubts and uncsrtainty. I got frustrated this time and broke up with her this time for good.

    We’ve barely spoken since the break 2 months now, i did text an ask a month ago if she would let me explain were my head has been. The really i got was we are never going to get back together whats there to talk about.. At that point in didn’t reply until she text asking for her things and i wanted so are key back. She arrived in a star of mind that she was purely fine and became bitter about being friends. I was on my way out for a date and i think she knew that because i had to be quick. We haven’t spoken. Since

    I’ve been in no contact for 20 days and away from all the anger she has towards for hurting her its given my head to space to breathe and calm down and noticed how much she means to me. I can see through the fights by just thought off looking into her eyes. We truly met out of chance n I’ve felt so guilty about how i let myself go so dam bad.

    Im in a far better place now, now im away from all my distractions and wrong friends i found myself surrounding myself with just to shaddow my mixed emotions and doubts which i still understanding after some help about my past. Its been almost 2 months too since i isolated myself.

    I truly love her despite everybody seeing what we had was toxic from both sides, the difference now is i understand my mistakes and feel more like myself now like when we first met, although heartbroken i feel more certain in my self now that she is the one i want in my life and that im sorry for making such a mess.

    She’s now seeing an ex she was with 3 years n posted it through snapchat and social media through the events they go to 2 weeks ago at this point, when i SSW this i removed her from my life because im trying to better myself and didn’t need to see that as i only believe it was aimed at me.

    I haven’t asked for her back since we’ve broken up she knows i know I’ve messed up and in realised that before i gave myself time to calm down, i asked to talk that was a no

    My question is do i fight for this? Or accept my mistakes and move on. I have hope i can fight for her and prove my true feelings but is it the right thing to do?

    Many thanks Joel

  • Hi all,
    I need some advice here..

    My ex girl friend broke up with me almost a month ago. I have been trying mybest tk apply the no contact rule.. Have decided to do so from today… Since the break up, I have appeared needy at the start.. I was very .insecure…. Also, she mentioned that she don’t intend tk get back together…

    Her reasons for thebreakup were.. (1) I wasn’t supporting her emotionally… (2) we were still awkward after 6months together.. (3) she doesn’t know what to say about me to her friends.. (4) she lost her feelings for me…

    I have recently typed a long apology and thank you msg tk her.. Explaining tk her that I didn’t reveal embarrassing things about myself because Iwas always doubtful … She did not reply to the msg…

    She has told her friends that she doesn’twant yo get back together as well…

    I really don’tknow if we can get backtogether…. But Ireally hope and wish we could..

    I am now trying no contact and not stalking her social media.. Also, give myself time to heal and improve myself.. Goingto gym etc…

    She also mentionedthat she would like to be normal friends … I don’tknow wherethat leaves me tbh..

    Pls help…

  • My ex broke up with me cos I did something that ignites his bad past relationship experience. I didn’t do it attentionally. Now I’m in the NC phase. I really love him and I think we still can work things out. If I occasionally text him, to know that I’m there for him, is it okay?

    • No, unfortunately it’s not ok. The no contact rule means no contact at all. At the end of the day, the way this work is it gives both of you time to rethink your relationship, the good, bad and to actually miss each other. You cannot truly miss someone if you are keeping up.contact. Your ex will have time to think about whether they were being unreasonable or not and decide whether they need you back in their life. Likewise, it gives you time to decide whether you actually do want them back or not. It’s extremely tough to carry it out. It can sometimes get harder as time goes on to stick to. But it really works. Try and give it a go. You should only be with someone who wants you for yourself, warts and all and this is the way to find out. Good luck x

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